A/N: This time I was fast! I need many reviews for reward (-;

Chapter 7 - Talking at last

To his suprise the demon's claw left his arm and he heared a terrible cry.

But the vampire couldn't look up, all he could think of was getting away from here. If he would die, if that monster killed him, he would most likely go back to hell. Again he would be going through all that torture.

No! He wouldn't go back there!

The thought alone was too much for him already.

Without thinking Spike turned around and ran.

"Spike!" A voice called after him but he didn't react.

**********

Buffy was on patrol when she saw those two demons. They were too far away for her to kill them immediatly but she followed them as fast as she could.

They were running towards a man and when he turned around she saw that it was Spike!

What was he doing out here alone?

She didn't have time to think about it for one of the demons attacked the vampire and held him on the arm. The slayer didn't understand why he didn't even try to break free, he stood absolutely still.

Buffy took one of the long daggers Giles had given her only a few days ago, ran towards the demon and drove the dagger into the demon's back. The monster let go off Spike's arm, cried out and died.

Then two things happened. Spike ran away then the other demon attacked her.

Of course Buffy couldn't run after her friend before she had managed to kill the demon, but she tried to call him back.

It seemed as if he hadn't heared her at all.

When the second demon also lay dead on the ground she finally ran after Spike.

Luckily he still wasn't as strong as he once had been and so it wasn't hard for her to catch him.

First she wanted to hold him back but then she realized that this would scare him even more.

So she tried to calm him first. "Spike! It's me, Buffy. Don't worry, the demons are dead, they won't harm you! Please stop!"

To her surprise he listened to her immediatly. He stopped, looked at her and let out a deep sigh. She could see the relief in his eyes before they closed for a moment.

But when they opened in them she could see the shame and embarassement in them. "Sorry, I was childish."

"Nonsense. Are you alright?"

The vamire nodded.

"Don't worry, soon you will kill those demons on your own again." She tried to cheer him up but it didn't work.

Sadly he shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Hey, you must try to think positive! And stop thinking about what happened today. I came in time, nothing happened."

"That's the point. Don't you see it?" He raised his voice, more in pain than in anger, Buffy realized. "If you hadn't come they would have killed me. I wasn't able to fight them because I was bloody afraid. If things don't get better I will always need your help. I don't want that, Buffy!"

"I know." She remained calm. "Spike, it's not too long ago that you came back. You have to give yourself some time to forget. I'm sure things will get better, I promise they will."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Don't be, it's ok. Come, let's go home."

When they reached Giles' apartment he immediatly disappeart into his room.

**********

The watcher, who sat on the sofa, looked at Buffy curiously.

"What's wrong with him?"

She sighed, walked over to the older man and sat down next to him. "Two demons attacked him."

Giles frowned worriedly. "Is he alright?"

"Yes, I came just in time. The problem is that he wasn't able to defend himself and he's ashamed for it."

"Was he still too weak?"

"I don't think so, he didn't even try. When the demon catched his arm he... froze."

"Well, probably the bad memories from hell. We don't know what he's been through. He never talked about it."

"That's the point." Buffy looked into his eyes.

"What's the point?" Giles couldn't really follow her.

"He doesn't talk about it. I think that's what he really needs. If he could let it out maybe he could learn to deal with it but he tries to forget - and he can't."

"You are probably right, but we can't force him. If we tried we would probably lose his trust."

"Yeah, but we should work on it. He needs to let it out, before it breaks him." There was a long silence between them. The watcher knew that she was right. Then the slayer finally stood up. "I have to finish my patrol. See you tomorrow."

"Yes, good night."

"And have an eye on him. He doesn't feel good at all."

"I will."

**********

Before he went to bed he stopped at Spike's door and knocked.

He didn't get an answer and first he wanted to walk in anyway, but then he hesitated.

Should he really just invate the vampir's privacy?

Probably not.

He had to respect it.

"Spike, can I come in?"

He heared a sigh from inside. "Yeah. If I don't get rid of you in a different way."

Giles knew that the vampire didn't mean it and so he wasn't mad of him because of the harsh words.

Slowly the watcher opened the door and walked in.

Spike was lying on the bed, his eyes focused on the ceiling. He didn't even look up when Giles entered the room.

The human sighed.

He knew this wasn't easy for the vampire and he also knew that Buffy was right. They really needed to talk about everything and Giles decided not to leave the room before they had done so.

When he reached the bed he sat down on its edge and looked down at Spike. He didn't pity him, he knew that was the last thing he needed, but he wanted to help him. They had come very close during the last few weeks and the watcher had to admit that he really cared about the vampire.

"How are you feeling?"

A shrug, nothing else.

"Buffy told me everything. Spike, it wasn't your fault. You don't have to be ashamed."

Finally Spike looked at him, his blue eyes full of desperation. "I should have been able to fight them, Rupert. They were simple demons, nothing very strong or dangerous. Usually they would have been no problem for me. I feel so... so wea..."

"Stop it!" Giles didn't let him finish the sentence. Of course he could understand the vampire's desperation but he couldn't let him think what he obviously did. "Never say that again! You are not weak!"

Spike looked up at him with large eyes, he seemed to be confused and hurt.

Immediatly the former librarian felt bad. He hadn't meant to talk so harsh. "I'm sorry," he said in a very gentle voice now. "I didn't mean to yell at you. But I don't want you to think this way. We had that talk already, remember?"

"Talk?"

"Yeah, I told you already that you must be very strong because you went through all that without losing your mind."

"Oh, you mean that talk."

"Yes, that talk. Don't you want to tell me everything? I'm sure that it will make you feel better."

**********

Spike looked up at him as if he had said something terrible. And to the vampire it was.

How could the watcher even suggest that he would through everything again while talking about it?

First he wanted to yell at him, ask him how he could even think of doing this to him - but then he looked up and met the watcher's eyes. Immediatly he felt ashamed for those thoughts.

How could he ever have doubted that all Giles was doing was trying to help.

He owed him so much, he had brought him here, he had taken care of his wounds, he had given him a home - yes, for the first time he realized that he felt more at home in this house than he ever had in his crypt - and most of all, he had been there for him.

He really didn't deserve to be yelled at.

"I don't know if I can, Rupert." He said in a tight voice.

"I know it's hard. But you can't keep it in inside you forever. It will break you, Spike."

He knew that the watcher was right - he needed to let it all out.

But it was so hard!

Giles was sitting next to him and waited patiently. His gentle eyes watched him from behind the thick glasses, but didn't stare.

Spike could tell that the watcher would probably sit there until he had had some success.

The vampire stopped thinking about it, he just began to talk.

He talked about the demons, the torture, the starvation, the fear, the bad air...

Once he had begun he just couldn't stop anymore. Everything came out automatically, every detail - everything.

**********

While he spoke Spike's face was like a mask, there were no emotions, no pain. He didn't stutter or pause, not even once. It was as if he felt that he couldn't go on when he stopped.

But still Giles could imagine how hard it was. Of course he and the others had thought about what could have happened, but nobody had even considered something that was so bad. More than once he schuddered during the tale.

When Spike had finished he finally broke down. He began to sob violently and immediatly the watcher took him into his arms.

"It's ok, let it out," he whispered and gently rubbed the vampire's back.

For a few minutes - or maybe hours, Giles couldn't tell - they sat like that without moving. After some time Spike stopped crying, but he didn't leave his friend's arms.

Again the former librarian waited patiently and when Spike had finally calmed down completely he moved away a little. He still held the vampire's hand, though. He felt that he needed the contact now.

"Spike, after all you have just told me I can tell that you are even stronger than I thought you to be. It's a wonder that you didn't lose your mind, that you didn't behave like Angel did when he first came back. You really can be proud of yourself."

The vampire seemed to think about all that for a moment, then he nodded. "Maybe, but that doesn't really help me now. I just want to forget, Rupert!" The deep blue eyes were pleading and desperate.

"I understand." The watcher's voice was soothing. "But I want to be honest with you. You will never forget, but I'm sure you can learn to live with it. As far as I remember you always tried to convince us all that Angel is a nancy boy?" He raised an eyebrow.

"He is!" Even though the vampire's voice was hoarse from crying Giles had to smile at how abrupt the answer came. There was still something of the old, snobbish Spike in there, it just had to come out.

"You should be stronger than he then, if he was able to handle it you can, too. I trust in that."

Spike smiled a little. "You still don't like him, right?"

"Whom?"

"Oh please! You know very well that I mean peaches."

Giles smiled a little embarassed. "Well, no, not at all. But don't tell Buffy."

"Don't worry. Secret's safe with me." He lay back against the pillow and obviously relaxed a little. "Thanks, Rupert. I really needed that."

"That's alright. You know I'm always there for you."

Spike looked at him for a moment, then he nodded. "Yeah," he said simply.

Then he slowly fell asleep, knowing that Giles wouldn't leave his side after what had happened tonight.

TBC