*Disclaimer: I own nothing of Shogakukan, Viz Media, Warner Bros. or Amblin Entertainment.*

He'd arrived at last. It took some doing, but he'd finally arrived at his destination, just as the day was entering late evening. He stood outside the simple, two-story house in the suburb of Washington, D.C., U.S.A., and looked upon it for one minute more before he walked up to the front door. Out of the corner of his eye, through the window on a second story room, he spotted the person whom he'd come to see, typing away at his computer, unaware of what was to come. His resolve firm, the visitor finally reached the door and rang the doorbell.

From his spot on the living room couch, Douglas Douglas, the middle-aged man of the house, heard the ringing of the doorbell, got up, and walked over to answer the door. Upon opening it, he was greeted with the sight of a teenage boy of Asian descent, wearing a martial arts outfit made up of a red sleeveless shirt, black pants and wristbands, and flat-soled shoes. His black hair was tied off in a thin braid of sorts.

"Yello," Douglas greeted casually. "Can I help you, young man?"

"This Dexter Douglas house?" the boy asked with a notable accent.

Douglas regarded the boy curiously before he answered. "Uh, yes. I'm his father. You have any business with him?"

"Foreign exchange student, started today," the boy replied. "Dexter tutor me in English."

Douglas gave this some thought before figuring that Dexter must have volunteered at school, hence the arrival of this boy on their doorstep. "Oh, sure, go on up. You'll find him in his room, second door on the left."

The boy gave Douglas a bow of thanks before he proceeded up the stairs and towards the door to the aforementioned Dexter's room. Once he found it, he knocked.

Dexter, still typing away, the family cat Mr. Chubbikins lazily resting to the side of the computer monitor, heard the noise and answered, "It's open, come in!"

The Asian boy opened the door, and on feeling the light of the hallway upon him, Dexter turned around to greet the new arrival.

"Dexter Douglas?" the boy asked.

"Um...yes?" Dexter responded. "Do I know you?"

Before he answered, the boy closed the door behind himself, before breathing a sigh of relief. "Finally! Privacy! That whole 'foreign exchange student' bit was really demeaning," he said, the accent gone from his voice as he faced Dexter, briefly eyeing Mr. Chubbikins before steeling himself. "Anyway, to answer your question-no. But I know that you can help me, hopefully."

"Okaaayyyy..." Dexter said warily. "And what can I help you with, er...?"

"Ranma. Ranma Saotome," the boy said as he and Dexter briefly shook hands. "Your dad let me up here."

"My parents let everyone up here," Dexter said both reassuringly and resignedly. "By the way, for what looks like your first time in the States, you speak English very well."

Ranma shrugged. "A long flight all the way from Japan gave me a lot of time to learn." He then held up a small box with a blue symbol on it. "Plus, I got a good deal on some guides from Rosetta Stone." He then posed with the box for the camera briefly, with a smile on his face and a wink of his eye, before putting it down.

Dexter nodded, being quite familiar with their programs. "So, what do you need?"

Ranma looked around before he again eyed Mr. Chubbikins. "Before I tell you, mind sending him somewhere else? I...have this thing about cats."

"Uh...sure," Dexter said as he picked up Mr. Chubbikins, opened his door a bit, and let the cat out before closing it back up.

"Anyway," Ranma started to say as he leaned on the windowsill, "I've got a problem-a really, really big one." He paused for a bit as he gathered his words carefully. "I'm a martial artist by trade, and ever since I was six, my good-for-nothing pop's taken me all over the world to hone our skills in the 'School of Anything-Goes' fighting style. (Occasionally, he'd try to make a quick buck on the side with the most harebrained of schemes.) At one point, a few years back, we're in this obscure part of China called Jusenkyo, known for a famous training ground full of these weird mystical springs. In spite of our guide's warnings, we get to sparring, leaping from the tops of the bamboo poles that were sticking out of the springs for some reason. Anyway, Pop manages to land a lucky one on me, and the next thing I knew, I fell into one of the so-called 'cursed springs'."

"Why are they cursed?" Dexter asked.

"Basically, for who knows why, a lot of drowning happened in each of them, and the waters are magic. Whoever falls into whichever spring causes them to turn into whatever or whoever drowned in it hundreds of thousands of years ago, and it only happens when the poor sap gets hit with cold water; thankfully, they change back if hit with hot water. As I was saying, Pop landed a lucky hit on me and I fell into the 'spring of drowned girl'. If you don't believe me, I'll demonstrate."

With that, Ranma removed a metal thermos from his bag, opened it up, and proceeded to pour the contents onto his own head. The moment he was soaked, before Dexter's eyes, a startling yet instantaneous change took place. Where once stood the black-haired boy he'd been talking to for the past few minutes, now stood a cute, redheaded girl.

"Holy Toledo...!" Dexter uttered with astonishment.

-X-

Meanwhile, unaware of the conversation taking place upstairs, the rest of the Douglas family was currently in the middle of an engaging game of Stratego, with Duncan (the oldest son) looking bored, Debbie (the woman of the house) reading a book, and Douglas reveling heartily in the winning move he'd just made. Their game was then interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

"I'll get it!" Douglas volunteered as he walked to the front door, muttering "Stratego!" in a sing-song voice at first and then in a normal voice. When he opened the door, he didn't see anyone at first, until someone cleared their throat. On hearing that, Douglas looked down and found himself face-to-face with a tiny old woman of Asian descent, with long white hair held in a red headband. She was wearing a green dress with a golden character on the front, and was carrying a wooden walking stick. "I bet you're here to see Dexter," Douglas surmised as he proceeded to let the woman into the house.

-X-

"Believe me now?" the currently-feminine Ranma asked.

Dexter slowly nodded. "That's...a new one on me."

"At least I'm still human when I change," Ranma said. "I managed to get back at Pop, and he wound up falling into the 'spring of drowned panda', so three guesses as to what he turns into."

"So...how's this been a problem, aside from the whole changing thing?" Dexter asked.

"*Ugh* In addition to having to be careful around cold water in public," Ranma began, "my idiot pop apparently also made an arrangement with his friend Soun Tendo to engage me to his youngest daughter, Akane-which neither of us agreed to! Those chuckleheads want us to marry someday so we can carry on the School for Anything-Goes Martial Arts. And Akane-boy, is she an un-cute tomboy...As if that wasn't enough, this thickheaded jock at our school I beat has the hots for both Akane AND me when I'm like this, and he's so dense that he hasn't figured out his rival and his crush are the same person! Then there's my rival Ryoga, PLUS three other girls who I've somehow become the fiancée of!"

Dexter stood there, near-speechless, as Ranma finished. "...Wow. Sounds like something out of the Japanese anime some of the other geeks at my school watch."

Ranma shook their head. "Buddy, you have no idea..."

"So, why come to me?" Dexter asked, finally getting to the point of the conversation and saving Ranma the trouble.

Ranma faced Dexter as they answered. "I came to see you, Dexter, because I learned that you...also change."

Dexter began to realize just what Ranma was implying. "Change? Wha-? What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb, Dexter," Ranma said. "You know exactly what I mean."

"What Ranma means..." a new voice started to say, drawing their attention to Dexter's doorway. "Is that you, through only the extremely luckiest of flukes, entered a specific sequence that, once completed with hitting the 'delete' key, changed you into the one called...Freakazoid." It was then that they noticed the voice's owner was the old woman who Douglas had let in earlier.

"Cologne?! What're you doing here?" Ranma asked, startled by the sudden appearance of the elder of the 'Chinese Amazons'.

"You know her?" Dexter asked.

"Remember those three girls claiming to be my fiancée?" Ranma replied as she pointed at the old woman. "She's the great-granny of one of them."

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, young man," Cologne said as she bowed to Dexter.

"Thanks, I think..." Dexter said in turn, before remembering that these two somehow knew his secret. "Hold on, do you even know about me and Freakazoid?"

"Internet. DUH," Ranma and Cologne replied with a slight eye-roll.

"Oh. Good point," Dexter said.

Cologne then handed Ranma a kettle of hot water. "In your haste to journey to America, you left this behind."

"Oh, uh...thanks," Ranma said as they quickly doused themselves with the contents of the kettle, instantly changing back into his male form.

"Anytime," Cologne replied before turning to leave. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm consulting on the fight choreography for a Hollywood blockbuster in a couple of hours." With that, she left the two of them alone.

Ranma faced Dexter, intent on resuming their earlier conversation. "Like I was about to say, I thought that if I knew how Freakazoid changed back and forth, I might be able to find a way to rid myself of my Jusenkyo curse. Do you think you-or rather, Freakazoid-can help me?"

Dexter gave it some thought, before replying with, "It might be better if I get my 'other half' out for this. Oooh, Freak Out!"

With that, in what can only be described as the most blatant parody of transformation sequences from many a typical 'magical girl' anime, before Ranma's eyes, it was exit Dexter, enter Freakazoid. The red-suited superhero with the crazy hairstyle stretched a bit before he addressed the martial artist before him.

"No need to catch me up, I heard and saw everything from my Freakazone in Dexter's head," Freakazoid eagerly stated. "I'll help you get over this Glen or Glenda you've gotten yourself into, no sweat!" He then pointed upward dramatically as the camera focused in an upward angle close-up. "To the Freak-A-Lair!"

The Freak-A-Lair, moments later...

Ranma soon found himself seated in a barber's chair in a section of the Freak-A-Lair, Freakazoid's personal superhero HQ, that looked like something out of an old Frankenstein movie, complete with the sparking tesla coils.

"All right, Ranma," Freakazoid started to say as he held up a garden hose. "In order to start working on breaking your curse, we'll need you in your other form, so...hold still!" With that, he unleashed a spray of cold water on the surprised Ranma, who soon enough was a 'she' again. "Now then...let's. Get. STYLIN'!" Freakazoid then proceeded to drape a smock around Ranma, undid their braid, and began shampooing the free-flowing hair. "So-who do you like for the Emmys this year?"

"Uh...no idea," Ranma answered, baffled by what was being done to them. "I...don't watch that much TV."

"Huh. Well, there's no time like the present to start!" Freakazoid said back as he plopped an issue of TV Guide into Ranma's hands. He then wheeled over behind the chair what looked like one of those dryer hoods found in a beauty salon while Ranma perused the magazine and lowered it onto the half-girl's head. Ranma felt the heat from the dryer as soon as Freakazoid turned it on. After several minutes, Freakazoid turned the hood off.

"Allll righty, let's see what you think!" Freakazoid beamed as he pulled up a boudoir-style mirror in front of Ranma. "Voila!" When Ranma looked up, Freakazoid lifted up the hood...revealing, much to the martial artist's dumbfounded shock, that they now sported a 60 'beehive' hairdo. "Hmm, not your thing? Don't worry, we've got plenty of options!" Freakazoid lowered the hood and turned it on again, and upon lifting it up a few moments later, Ranma gaped at the very 70s 'Farrah Fawcett' style they now sported. Shaking his head at this, Freakazoid lowered the hood again, and a few more moments later, Ranma's jaw dropped at the sight of the very 'Flock of Seagulls' cut that now crowned their head.

"Still not your thing, huh?" Freakazoid posed.

Ranma glared at the wacky superhero. "Gee, ya think?"

Freakazoid held his chin as if in thought, before a lightbulb went off above his head. "Wait, I have an even better idea!"

Ranma, on hearing this, briefly looked our way as the martial artist visibly gulped.

Dexter's bedroom, moments later...

Freakazoid was typing speedily on the keyboard while a confused Ranma (now with their hair back to normal) looked on.

"I'm gonna dump you into cyberspace, Ranma," Freakazoid explained in his hammiest riff on a Southern preacher. "I think the shock might cure you...or not. But what the heck!"

Ranma's eyebrows rose nervously as they took a step back. Freakazoid, unaware, stepped up from the desk after finishing typing in a certain key sequence:

"[=g3,8d]\&fbb=-q]/hk"

He stood to the side, finger hovering over the 'delete' key. "Remember, this isn't going to hurt me in the least. Incoming!" With that, he pressed the key, and soon the whole room was bathed in a great flash of light, the power surge that ensued strong enough to shatter a streetlamp across from the house.

Ranma soon felt they were being pulled towards the computer monitor, instinctively clutching the doorknob as the suction grew stronger.

"Oh, stop being such a baby and let go of the door," Freakazoid teased.

Ranma glanced at Freakazoid for a moment, then at the door, and then at us, before they shrugged and let go of the knob, letting themselves be pulled by the vortex of light and static into the monitor screen, disappearing from sight as soon as they breached the surface.

"This house is clean!" Freakazoid declared, still using the aforementioned riff in his voice, as if he'd performed some kind of exorcism. The screen dimmed for a moment, before it glowed brightly again and unleashed another vortex of light and static into the room. Soon a figure began to materialize into the center of the room through the vortex.

"He's baaack!" Freakazoid declared in a sing-song voice, just as the vortex dissipated and the figure fully materialized, revealing Ranma, back in his male form. Ranma opened his eyes, and cautiously patted himself from chest to hips. Knowing there was only one sure way to confirm, Ranma picked up his thermos of cold water and dumped what was still in it onto himself. Opening his eyes again, Ranma put the thermos down, patted himself again, and grinned triumphantly.

"It-it worked! I'm cured!" he cheered, putting both his hands on Freakazoid's shoulders appreciatively. "Cured, do ya hear me? Cured!" He then leaped out the window of Dexter's bedroom, laughing heartily as he bounced from the roof's ledge to a fence post before landing on the sidewalk, jumping for joy as he headed off into the night.

Freakazoid, staring after the retreating form of Ranma Saotome, looked our way as a goofy half-grin appeared on his face. "Wait'll he gets my bill," he said teasingly.

One month later...

The doorbell of the Douglas house rang, causing Douglas Douglas to once again answer it as he opened the door.

"Yello..." he greeted casually, only for his face to light up a bit when he recognized the visitor. "Well, hey now! You're that foreign exchange student Dexter was tutoring last month! How've you been, son?"

Ranma bowed respectfully as he answered (accent-less), "I've been fine, Mr. Douglas, thanks for asking. Is Dexter home, by the way?"

The nerd in question was walking down the stairs upon hearing the doorbell, and noticed Ranma Saotome standing on the doorstep. "Yeah, Ranma? What's up?"

"I just wanted to come by and thank you for your help," Ranma replied. "You've no idea how much things got better afterwards. Also, I thought that maybe...you could help change a few others in the same boat I was?" He then stepped aside as he revealed that this time...he didn't come alone. Dexter and Douglas gaped as they saw Ranma had brought with him his father, Genma Saotome (afflicted by the spring of drowned panda); Ranma's longtime rival, Ryoga Hibiki (afflicted by the spring of drowned piglet); one of Ranma's 'fiancees' and Cologne's great-granddaugter, Shampoo (afflicted by the spring of drowned cat); and Shampoo's would-be protector/suitor, Mousse (afflicted by the spring of drowned duck). All were looking at Dexter earnestly.

Dexter, looking our way, sighed resignedly. "Oh, great..." he muttered with a slight eye-roll. It was going to be a long evening...

The End.

**Author's Note(s)**

I had an interesting thought the other day, specifically about the segment from season one of Freakazoid! titled "House of Freakazoid". Basically, what if instead of curing a werewolf who's a dead-on Lon Chaney Jr. caricature...Freakazoid helps cure one of anime's most famous martial artists of their specific 'condition'? From there, all it took was adapting the script by Paul Dini. For those wondering, Glen or Glenda was a 1953 exploitation film directed by and starring the 'legendary' Ed Wood. A fitting reference, both for the other half of this crossover and for the tendency of Freakazoid! to reference all manner of older, shlocky, low-budget films of yore.