I have to repeat myself
because it seems to be a running theme. I don't own Love Hina. I own the fic.
Italics are thoughts...
Oh, I might want to add, that I thank you for your comments. If you want to hear
me say more about them, read them when you're done with the story at the
bottom...
Anyway, onward we go...
- ~ -
Tuesday
Morning
03 – Moonlight Conversations
SethSolare
"I've been wandering around this place all day. I haven't a clue what I could say to him," Naru thought to herself. Wandering allowed her to think. Hinata Sou was a beautiful place. It was such a large piece of land that everywhere you went was peaceful. The green grass, the trees, everything was beautiful to her. But she had seen this spot for the fifth time today in decreasing intensities of light. It was only now that she realized her feet were really killing her. Dead tired, she flopped down on the ground in her childish way. Blank stares at the clouds were common things in her world. She almost had to do that, and often. It gave a peace of mind, a peace of heart. The clouds were very hard to make out now, though. Soon, she knew she would have to return to the comfort of her room. Sleeping was almost a dreadful thing, especially if the only thing protecting you from being with the love of your life was a piece of plywood and a stuffed animal.
"Um, N – N – Naru? I really would like to talk with you, if you don't mind," a soft voice called out from behind her. The nervousness signaled some dreadful talk. But, Naru, who loved Shinobu as a person and as a sister, could never deny a talk to someone like her. Shinobu was not alone, though.
"Narusegawa, Naru. We must talk," Motoko explained in her rather terse way. Naru seemed to always dread talking to Motoko about these things. Though she was a very good person, Motoko could never accept such incomplete answers, something that was very common from Naru.
"Hi, you two." It was the only thing she could think of.
"Naru, I know you and Keitaro have been really getting close and all, um, if you don't mind my saying. And I want to say I'm happy that you are beginning to work things out with him," Shinobu said, trying to get the words out rather shyly. However, Naru wanted to just die right there. Nothing was being worked out except her own arm muscles and Keitaro's vocal chords. He would be flying off into the distance somewhere at every one of their meetings. If anything, though, they were just drifting farther and farther apart.
"But," Motoko chimed in rather quickly, "we both know that something has been stopping you from getting any closer that things are now. And we know that you are beginning to lose control of your own sanity over this."
Naru couldn't believe what she just heard. Motoko was not renowned for her insight into the relationship world. And Naru would never expect hear something like that from Motoko. It was something she would possible condone, after sending Keitaro into the sky.
"I don't get it, even Motoko wants to get Keitaro and I together. It doesn't make sense. They just don't get it!" her mind lashed out. It was almost impossible for her to make any sense of it all. She knew her feelings for Keitaro, but there was just something she didn't understand. She didn't understand because she didn't know what it was.
"Narusegawa, do not deny your feelings to him. In the end, you will only torment yourself. If you do not tell him, tell us, for now. You need to let them out," Motoko's bluntness felt like a brick to Naru's heart. Motoko knew nothing of what Naru was feeling inside. "I don't think she's ever felt the way I do. At least I don't think it was ever this intense. No way, she's too proud for that kind of thing."
"Naru, I think you really should try and tell him. I mean, it would be much better for you, I think," Shinobu tried to get out. She didn't want to sound too commanding. Though she needed support from someone for this kind of talking, she wasn't sure if Motoko would be right for all of it. No offense to Motoko, but Kitsune would have been a much better choice. However, she was nowhere to be found.
"I just don't think it would be a good idea," she whispered. Her first instinct was to run. However, her legs were already so tired. She realized the immense pain in her feet and it ran all the way up to her hips. Getting up would not be easy, perhaps even impossible. "I guess I'm going to have to stay here."
"Narusegawa, what do you feel for Keitaro? Tell me right now," the words sounded so commanding. It was almost, threatening. It was different today, less threatening today because Motoko was without her sword. She wore her tight, red pants and a new, white, tank top. It was all very womanly for a girl who would never be caught dead being too close to a man. It would be worse if she even admitted feelings for any man. "Why would ask me to do something she herself would never do?"
But after that quick thought, something changed. Motoko's demeanor changed from a commanding self to something different. Something she had never been before in front of people. Motoko's eyes became softer and she seemed very relaxed. Everything warrior-like about her had faded. Only the woman in her was left. She sat down next to Naru and cradled her head like a mother would. This was something very new to Naru, something she had never seen Motoko do, ever. Shinobu sat down as well. "Naru, I know you have feelings for him. But you just won't say it. You can say it in your head over and over. You can admit it to yourself. But unless you admit to him, it means nothing," Motoko spoke out plainly. Her physical strength and warrior-self were gone now. All that was left was emotion. "You know that all of us have some kind of connection with Urashima."
"Um, she's right, you know. We all want to have some special kind of friendship with Kei," Shinobu said. She could feel her face burn up completely and she felt conscious of her cheeks lighting up the area, giving away the secret meeting.
"You mean Motoko has feeling for him, too?" Naru asked.
"No, Naru. I have a respect for him as a person. He is not only my landlord, but also my friend. And I would do much for him. He has done so much for all of us, and we can only give him our friendship. We sometimes offer help in the dorm. Shinobu does housework for all of us. I have been able to keep out several criminals. But he treasures friends, and for him, that is enough." Motoko's brain was definitely working on woman mode. She did not flinch at any of Naru's words or her own.
"I think I know what you feel for Kei. But I don't know for sure. I think you should just admit it to him," Shinobu added. But she didn't understand. For Shinobu, it was all innocent and kind. She would be too young to understand all of the things going on in her head. "She doesn't get it. She doesn't understand that it's twenty times more complicated than that."
"I know you're scared Naru. I would be, too. But I'm not in love with him. You are, and that's all that matters. You need to accept that fact and tell him. You must remove your fears and show your strength," Motoko said, holding Naru closer to her.
"Motoko would make a great mother. She's such a wonderful person. But, she just doesn't get it. She doesn't understand. She has no idea what I feel," she thought. But, in her mind, she knew she didn't know what she felt either. She didn't understand any of it. If there was an idea of the feeling, it was quickly forgotten. She did not want to acknowledge it at all.
"You know you love him. Tell him."
"I really think that you should tell him you love him."
"NO! I CAN'T! I CAN'T DO IT!" Her thoughts and screams suddenly meshed and she could feel the power in her legs again. Energy and fear drove her away from there. However, she could not hear footsteps behind her. The two of them stayed there at the top of the hill.
"I think we should go after her, Motoko."
"No, she should be alone."
With heavy feet, the two of them descended the hill.
- ~ -
She had wandered around the town already. She drank anything and everything. Walking in a straight line became a task for her and she could no longer see clearly. The streets around her were closing in around her and the ground was no longer there. Walking was the only option left. However, her feet were ready to give up.
"Just a few more steps," she thought. Kitsune's feet were no longer on the ground, though. She felt the pavement on her face, or rather her face on the pavement. She didn't know anymore. Then, from around her, somewhere, she heard what could have been footsteps, or maybe a car, or maybe gunshots. She couldn't be sure anymore.
"I don't want to go with you when you go drinking, but if you keep this up, I might have to," Haruka said. Carrying a barely conscious Kitsune into the Hinata Tea House, Haruka let her cigarette drop to the ground. It was gone and no longer useful to her. With a grown woman on her back, she walked into the Tea House, which by now was closed. It was already nine o'clock and by now, Kitsune had been sobering up for an hour. "And tomorrow, you'll wish you had PMS instead." Though Haruka laughed at herself, Kitsune was asleep already.
After about three hours, Kitsune woke up in Haruka's room. A little, warm cloth was placed on top of her forehead. As a little bit of her vision came back to her, she saw Haruka's smiling face and no cigarette. She blinked several more times to make sure that she wasn't dreaming. She felt she could readily command her body now.
"You need to be careful," Haruka commented as she changed the cloth. She spoke so calmly. She wasn't angry, like Kitsune had thought she would be. It was strange to see her being so motherly. It wasn't something that was common for Haruka to do, especially for Kitsune, being so grown already. But perhaps it was because Haruka considered Kitsune a younger version of herself. "I wonder if she's the one that found me."
"You were completely out of it. You were just laying outside the Tea House." Haruka spoke as if she knew exactly what Kitsune was thinking.
"You could have just left me there," Kitsune said softly.
"You're drunk, so I'll let that one go," Haruka came back at her.
"I'm not that drunk. Not anymore at least. Just let me sleep."
"Shut up," Haruka said plainly. It was so terse and complete that Kitsune couldn't say anything back. "Let me tell you something," Haruka started. "When I was in love with Seta, when we were kind of dating, I didn't say a word to him about what I felt. I looked at him and felt happy. But I didn't bother telling him that."
"Why didn't you?" Kitsune asked. She thought she already knew the answer to that question. She would grow to become Haruka: alone, unmarried, and sad.
"Why?" Haruka asked as though she wanted to be very dramatic about it. "I said nothing for the same reason you haven't until now. I know you like Seta, as well. Who wouldn't?"
"I-" she tried to get out, but Kitsune couldn't think of anything to say. Haruka let out a little giggle.
"I don't expect you to admit to me that you love him. I already know," Haruka said. Kitsune was confused. She didn't know whether she was still talking about Seta or Kei. "It was good that you told him now. Before all of this would have been better, yes. But at least you didn't wait any longer. I supposed that's better than nothing."
Kitsune tried to formulate words, but it was a difficult task for her. It wasn't because she was still somewhat drunk, though that added to the problem. It was mostly because there was nothing she could say.
"Why don't you tell me what happened?" Haruka asked. "Finally, something I can answer," Kitsune thought.
"Well, before we even got into the spring, I already knew he was there. I could see someone in there, and all the girls, I knew, were still inside. Some were still sleeping." The words came out slowly but clearly. Haruka nodded in approval, it seemed.
"Anyway, Naru and I talked about how she loves Kei. She needed to tell him. She's afraid, you know?" Haruka nodded again. Kitsune looked at her again, still smiling. "Okay, nothing bad has happened yet."
"After she left, Keitaro came out and we talked. He was grateful for me sticking up for him. It was nice to see him like that. Nice, I mean, not half-naked," she said and let out a little laugh. Haruka laughed along with her.
"But, I began to lose control of my mind and body. Then, I found myself on top of him, kissing him like the end of the world was coming. And then we started French kissing." With those words, Haruka's smile changed to a neutral expression. "I didn't think he had that kind of guts in him," Haruka thought to herself.
"I started to kiss him so hard that I felt like I was trying to have him glued to me. Then, he started biting my neck." Kitsune's eyes started to hurt again. For her, it was getting to be too emotional. But her words began to spill out of her uncontrollably as Haruka sat next to her with he common expression. "I wondered what that mark was," Haruka thought, once more.
"Then, it all stopped. I told him I loved him and sent him off to Naru. Then, he left me and I cried until I couldn't cry anymore in that stupid place then got drunk and cried more and got even more drunk and cried even more," Kitsune tried to keep going but her breathing got in the way. Her crying became worse and worse and she couldn't control the tears anymore. Instantly, Haruka was at her side cradling her head close to her chest. Kitsune let everything go and let her eyes burn and ache with every tear that streamed down her face. Haruka's apron was soaking up every tear, like some kind of pain absorbent. Kitsune felt the pain leave her eyes and fill the apron with her own pain.
"I should say something. I just can't think of anything," Haruka thought to herself. But her motherly side came out and she decided to tell more of her life story. "Kitsune, I want you to listen to me, okay? After she married Seta, I cried every night. I got even more wasted than you did tonight. I felt everything slip away. I cried alone, every night, though. I felt everything inside of me hurt. I knew, for the rest of my life, I could no longer love him," Haruka said softly.
"You know what?" Haruka started. Kitsune attempted to look up from the apron. There was an obvious spot of tears on it. Kitsune's eyes were an incredible red. To anyone, she would look like someone who was part of some evil anime cult. But she still looked up to her mother-like figure. "I still cry," she said plainly.
Those words made Kitsune cry even more. However, her eyes were already dried up. There were no more tears left to cry. She had used them all up. But, despite the loss of water, she sobbed away, staring at Haruka. She snuck in closer to Haruka's warm body.
"She's so wonderful. I wish she were my mother. Everything would be so much better," Kitsune thought. She felt every pang and pain her heart made and felt. And all of it washed away with her tears. Every bit of her pain was on that apron now. Yet, she still felt so much sadness within.
Haruka held the girl closer and realized that this was something that had to be walked off. Kitsune probably was too dizzy to even stand up. Instead, she decided to give the girl a piggyback ride around the Hinata Sou grounds.
She slowly turned around and took Kitsune's frail arms. She was so afraid that she might break her arms off. With a certain amount of grace, Haruka wrapped the girl's arms around her neck as though she were putting on a scarf. Gracing her fingers slowly over Kitsune's arms, she attempted to take Kitsune's legs. Tucking her hands behind the legs of the now tired girl, she stood up slowly. Kitsune did not even hold on completely. She was completely supported by Haruka.
The two of them walked around the ground for a little while. They stared at trees and stars. It was so peaceful for both of them. Neither of them said a single word to each other the whole time. The two of them sat down for a moment, though. Sitting on the grass, back to back, they simply sat. Nothing incredibly remarkable happened. It was simply peace and silence. There were no sobs, no sniffs, and no words.
Soon, however, Haruka stood with Kitsune to return to the Hinata Sou. Kitsune gave her wonderful mother a soft embrace.
"You don't want to be like me, do you?" Haruka asked.
"No," Kitsune said plainly. Haruka smiled at the woman and gave her a ride back to her dorm room. By the time they arrived, however, Kitsune was already asleep. She laid her down on the futon and covered her up.
As she entered the hall to return to the Tea House, she saw Keitaro come down the hall. She was already tired, though. She didn't have time to talk to him. Instead, she put a finger to her lips and walked past him. Keitaro stood there for a moment, staring as his aunt disappeared downstairs. Keitaro, puzzled, peeked into Kitsune's room. He didn't want to disturb her sleep. Keitaro closed his eyes and continued forward.
- ~ -
As she entered the Tea House, she lit a single candle. It was her favorite thing to do at night. Her face hovered over the flame feeling the warmth of the candle. But as quickly as it had come, water smothered the flame, and it was gone. Haruka felt her knees hit the floor and she stayed there until she fell asleep.
- ~ - ~ -
Something from me: I realized that some of you are hoping for Kei/Naru... The rest are hoping for Kei/Kitsune. Truth is, I don't know... or maybe I don't want to tell you! HA! Actually, we'll see where we're going, hmm? I hope you guys like it. Thanks for all your beautiful words... it pushed me to finish this chapter after 3 hours of sleep! Thanks muchly! ~SSol
