I want to tell all of you that this is a long chapter! My longest so far! Among my favorite chapters, this has to be way up there with chapter 2. So, I hope all of you like reading it. But, as I said last time, I'm UBER SORRY for keeping all of you waiting. I've been really really really busy with school work. Seth's been up to his eyelashes in homework. So, between this and research papers (actually just one for now...) I've been uber busy (CALCULUS IS HARD!!!). Thanks eveyone!
And, as always, there is no 0wn4g3 of Love Hina for me. I really would like to, but I think it's against the law...
- ~ -
Tuesday
Morning
06 – Learning to Live
SethSolare
Keitaro had been waiting for the phone to ring since Friday morning. Originally, the test results for the expedition to America were to be released that Friday. As he sat by the phone, reading an English language book. Wearing his green t-shirt and his khaki pants, he stared aimlessly at that book. Caring very little for the words, he read as if his mind were on automatic. In front of him, Naru paced back and forth waiting for the results as well.
"It's Sunday already. I've been given two extra days of time," she thought. "He should have left for America, by now. I don't even know why I'm waiting for the phone call with him. What am I doing here?" she asked herself.
Though he stared at the book, his peripheral vision saw Naru pacing back and forth in front of him. For him, the thought of telling her scared the life out of him. And though he thought now, as there was nothing to do, would be a good time to say what he needed to say, he realized that the phone would interrupt. He believed it to be stupid to try and tell her his true feelings.
"What am I supposed to do? She's never given me a good enough answer. What will telling her again do for me?" he asked himself. It was incredibly difficult to tell her the first few times. It was hard for him to feel like he had a chance with her still. And unlike the other times, she already has had time to think about an answer. The overwhelming feeling of despair ran through him painfully.
"And I don't care how much it hurts me. I'd rather be with her than anyone," he thought. Though it was incredibly difficult to admit, he loved her more than anyone. He couldn't understand why it was so difficult for her even though he had said it so many other times. He wished that she would feel half of what he felt for her.
As the pair continued to wait, another person waited at the top of the stairs. As she waited, she read a new manga she bought two days ago. Kitsune read on about the couple that seemed like she and Keitaro. It was so unimaginable that she could not love him more. And though she didn't want to, she tried very hard to accept it. She tried very hard to keep her mind off it, though.
"I should ask Naru for the next one. I think she bought it last week," she thought. She closed the book and stared at the couple downstairs as they waited.
"Keitaro?" Naru said faintly.
"Huh? What is it Naru?" Keitaro responded, however nervous he was.
"I wanted to know," she stopped. Her mind raced for words. She couldn't force the words out of her mouth at all, "do you love," and she stopped. Trying harder, the words came up from her lungs, "your work?" In the end, she couldn't say what she needed to say.
"Holy crap! That was close. I wouldn't know what to say if she asked that. I wish she would have just said it," he told himself. He tried to get to a feeling of normality like he always did. "Of course I do. I think excavation is the coolest thing. It's always an adventure for me, you know? It's always surprising and new. You have to have a lot patience and you need to have other people with you. You have to put a lot of energy into it. But I guess, if you do all that, you'll always be rewarded. Even if you don't actually get something, the adventure is what makes it fun."
"It sounds like I'll be some kind of secondary thing in his life. It's like his work will come first. It's like he'll always have some childish attachment to excavation," Naru thought to herself.
"I sound just like Seta. It's a little scary, really. I wonder if I might turn into that guy one day," Keitaro's mind drifted away from the situation and imagined a life like Seta's. In his mind, it would be waking up in the morning anytime he wanted. He would dig up new things everyday. Surrounded by books, he could study the civilizations of the world. "But, Seta's not completely happy, is he? What about Haruka?"
Keitaro's mind continued to wander about. He thought about how that simple factor might change his mind completely. Seta lost the girl he wanted to have. "What about Naru?" he asked himself. What would happen if he had to live on without the girl of his dreams? "What about… Kitsune?" But that thought was interrupted.
"Hello? Can I ask who's calling?" Shinobu spoke into the phone.
- ~ -
Kitsune paced around her room curious if that phone call meant what it was supposed to mean. She tried hard not to think about what Naru told Keitaro. As soon as she said the word "love," Kitsune knew she couldn't hear the rest. The words would've torn the girl open. The simple thought of it, however, had Kitsune crying alone in her room. The door closed, she breathed in loudly as the tears flowed.
"It was my fault to begin with. I told him to do it," she whispered to herself. Her words could not be contained within her. Her emotions could not be held inside either.
"I wish it were different. How could I do that to myself? Why did I even tell him to do that? What's wrong with me?" she asked. She felt like she couldn't understand what made her do such a thing. From what Keitaro thought, she gave him up so completely. Yet, the more she tried to let go, the harder it got.
"I want so much to love him. I want him to love me back. But I did the stupidest thing ever," the words were barely audible now. It was such a painful thought for her. She cried so much that her pillow had a wet stain of tears.
"I don't know about you, but I would've done the same thing," a figure from behind her said. The door, now slightly ajar, held Motoko's face there. She smiled at Kitsune's scrunched up face. Kitsune's tears kept flowing but the breathing that accompanied it went away.
"I didn't know you could hear me," Kitsune said, amazed.
"I'm trained for hearing things better than most people. I could definitely hear you," Motoko responded. She felt quite sympathetic to Kitsune. Though the two of them had very little in common, the simple relationship of roommates always brought them close together. Motoko had changed over the past few months. She had become more of a woman and a student rather than a great warrior. She fought hard to change herself to become someone that was better than before.
"You want to talk about it? Or do you want to just wallow?" Motoko asked her in a kind voice. "I understand that wallowing is a part of the healing process for a lot of people. I just wish you didn't do it this much."
"Is that supposed to comfort me?" Kitsune asked her, angered. It sounded so horrible from someone like Motoko. It wasn't like her to show that kind of incredible concern for another. Kitsune's response seemed predictable to Motoko. She expected those words and that tone from someone so messed up inside.
"I didn't mean for it to sound mean. I want you to be happy, Kitsune. You bring a lot of life into the house; you know that? Without that kind of happiness, it wouldn't be the same. With you acting like this, it certainly does change our home," Motoko spoke with a kind voice. Kitsune looked at Motoko with a softer glance. Unable to try and find concern in her voice, Kitsune hoped for Motoko to keep going. Motoko slid the door of the room open, walked in, and closed it. Sitting on the backless sofa under the window where Kitsune laid, she crossed her legs under her.
"Kitsune, dealing with heartbreak is incredibly hard. In the end, though, it's just going to get worse and worse. As much as you love him, wanting him that much in this situation is not going to help you at all. Everyday will become a task for you," Motoko told her.
"You sound like you're speaking from experience, Motoko," Kitsune responded, now, with a little smile. Motoko suddenly lost her concentration. Afraid of admitting the truth, she sealed her mouth shut.
"I – I," Motoko stuttered and became silent again. Looking down at the ground, she went on. "I am. I kind of like him, too," Motoko said, eyes almost glazed over. It suddenly became an utter disturbance for her to be in that room. Motoko, though her feelings for Keitaro were still only blooming, couldn't stand to talk about her relationship with him.
"What do you like about him? I'm asking you seriously. We're talking girl-to-girl," Kitsune told her. Kitsune wondered what the response would be. Unaccustomed to talking about guys, Motoko tried to formulate words. Kitsune, however, seemed very understanding of Motoko's situation. And, even in her current emotional state, Kitsune tried to be very sympathetic to Motoko.
"I, um, I don't really know what it is. I just do, I guess," Motoko tried. For the first time, in a while, she really had a very strong sense of uncertainty in her voice.
"Can't you say more than that? If you want to pass the entrance exams, you're going to have to at least be able to read and understand. And, as I learned, a good way to read and understand is to speak for you and understand," Kitsune said. Honestly, she hadn't a clue as to what she actually meant by that. However, she knew Motoko was already too flustered to catch any of that.
"More than that? Well," Motoko tried to continue, "I like him because he's nice. He's very vigilant about the problems in the house. He works hard. He studies and is very intelligent for it," Motoko explained in a monotone voice, rather embarrassed. Blushing immensely, Motoko sat there, staring at the cute, blue slippers Kitsune kept in her room. Kitsune tried to understand those words. Nodding, she decided to give her own reasons.
"I like him for many of those same reasons. But, I think it's his ability to love completely and utterly is the most important thing, don't you think?" Kitsune asked her. Though she was unsure of what to respond with, Motoko nodded her head in understanding. "I love him, more than anything. I know you understand that. And as much as I do, Naru will always love him more. And I know she's making a hard choice, friends or boyfriend. I'm pretty sure she knows I like him. Best friends tend to have a weird connection like that," Kitsune went on. Motoko kept nodding, understanding the words that Kitsune told her.
"I don't think my feelings for him are as strong as yours. Besides, I don't think I have as much of a special bond with him as you do," Motoko told her. "I don't think I'll ever have that kind of bond with him," Motoko stared at that slipper as it blurred. Her vision, obstructed by tears, became so very horrible. Her crying became audible quickly. Motoko, unable to stop her weakness from showing, she curled up and lay on her side on Kitsune's little sofa. In front of Kitsune on the edge of the sofa, she felt a body come closer to hers.
"Go ahead and cry," Kitsune said in solace. "We should just take turns crying and comforting," Kitsune let out a little giggle, wiping away the last of her own tears. Holding onto Motoko tightly, arms wrapped around the girl, Kitsune rubbed Motoko's arm slowly. Motoko's horrible gasps for air with tears were rather unbearable. Feeling like her, Kitsune held her own tears back.
"I wish things were different. I wish he had never come here," Motoko whimpered out between breaths. Trying to comfort her, Kitsune propped herself up with her elbow and removed her arm from under Motoko. To ease the girl more, Kitsune played with Motoko's hair, running her hand through it and twirling it around her finger.
"You don't really want that, do you? You would've stayed the same old, warrior Motoko without him. In fact, you would've never known real love if you never met him," Kitsune reasoned with Motoko.
"I want to be with him. That would make me more than happy if I could," Motoko said, tears settling into a simple stream, now. Kitsune continued to play with Motoko's soft, black hair. The tank top Motoko was wearing was made of nice, thin cotton. "If it weren't for him, she would've never worn this," Kitsune thought to herself.
Slowly rolling over to face the ceiling, Motoko had already stopped crying. Though she did stop, she was still breathing heavily. Entirely horrible, Motoko turned to face Kitsune completely. Through the whole time, Kitsune seemed to have grown quite attached to Motoko's soft hair and the soft contour of her waist and stomach. "I guess all the training keeps her very fit."
Motoko felt Kitsune's soft touch on her side. Still playing with her hair, Kitsune's hand stayed behind Motoko's head. The feeling of a friend was very comforting for Motoko. She had never had anyone hold her for comfort before. Her sister and parents always made her wait out the pain. They would tell her, "Eventually, it will go away." Motoko, for the first time ever, had felt real compassion from a friend. "Kitsune's hands are very nice. She holds me like she would hold… him," she thought. Suddenly, Motoko became all flustered internally, but her face and features showed none of it.
Kitsune, holding Motoko's head in her hand, brought herself close to the younger girl. For the first time ever, Kitsune would have a different feeling. It wouldn't feel rough or forced. Though Motoko was stronger than any man, she had the wonderful figure of a woman. Kitsune couldn't help but to let go of all of her restraints. It was such an easy task because Motoko didn't even try to resist. As they were brought closer to each other, Kitsune felt her chest against Motoko's. "Wow. That feels a little weird for me. Either way, there's no turning back now," Kitsune told herself. "I can't believe this is happening. I can't stop myself. She's just so… close now," Motoko thought.
It felt like an incredible shock. Yet, the touch was so soft and loving. Motoko's lips, untouched by a man, were delicate and soft. Kitsune felt every movement of the other's lips and tongue. Kitsune ran her hands through the dark hair. Motoko couldn't help but do the same. Motoko rolled over on top of Kitsune feeling the softness of the kiss.
Kitsune, being quite experienced, slowly licked Motoko's closed lips, which opened slowly. Motoko felt Kitsune's kiss become even deeper than she had hoped. "This is just incredible. She's such a great kisser!" Motoko screamed at herself. She, by now, had completely forgotten about that boy. "She's such a wonderful kisser. It's a wonder she hasn't actually kissed anyone," Kitsune boasted internally.
The two of them held onto each other for twenty minutes. They couldn't stop, no matter how hard they tried. However, "Wait, I'm kissing a girl. This is so incredibly wrong for me. What am I doing? I have to get out of here!" With great speed, Motoko peeled herself off of Kitsune, as difficult as it was. Scared out of her mind, Motoko bolted for the door. Sliding it open as fast as possible, she ran out and to the stairs. The door of Kitsune's room remained open
"I mess everything up," Kitsune whispered to herself, staring out of her window.
- ~ -
Naru didn't know whether she was to be happy or sad. Though that excavation experience was his, he still had to leave. America was too far away for him to be. Unlike the other times he did heavy traveling, Naru couldn't go with him. Keitaro got only two days to pack everything he would need. That left Naru with two days to tell him the truth.
"How am I going to do this? How can I tell him everything I feel? I'm not even sure I feel that way," she thought as she walked around her room. She had no ability to find help by thinking what she could do. It was hard for her to ask anyone else in that house. Everyone was so in love with Keitaro. Everyone knew what Keitaro felt about Naru. Yet, no one really knew what Naru felt for Keitaro.
"What am I going to do Liddo?" she asked her stuffed animal. Hoisting it in the air, she lay back and held it above her. She looked at the animal hoping for some kind of answer. Naturally, though, it said nothing. She looked at something that came from someone who loved the man she was in love with.
Sighing softly, she set Liddo aside and slid the board on her floor over. Without even looking in, she knew Keitaro was busy packing. The sounds of him opening and closing drawers were enough for her. Taking a deep breath, she stuck her head in the room. "Keitaro, are you really busy?"
"Kind of. I do need to pack and everything. But, I don't mind talking," Keitaro responded. He stared up at the beautiful girl in his ceiling. "I can't believe I'll be leaving her here like this," he said to himself. Unable to look at her easily, he went back to packing. As he turned, Naru flipped down into his room.
"I was hoping just to talk a little. You're leaving and I wanted to just have a good conversation with you," Naru told him. She hoped that she would finally be able to tell him this time.
"Okay. Well, what do you want to talk about?" he asked her. He hadn't a single topic he could talk about with her. Right now, this trip was one of two things on his mind.
"Well, I was wondering how you were going to contact us when you get there," Naru realized how dumb that was. "That's such a stupid thing to say. He's going write and send e-mails and call. How obvious is that?"
"I guess I'll be able to send e-mails and call you guys when I'm over there. Though, I don't know how often I can. I'll be busy with work and studying. But other than that, I doubt I won't have anything to stop me from contacting everyone over here," he told her. He continued packing clothes for him to wear.
"Oh. Well, what exactly are you going to do while you're there?" she asked him. Feeling incredibly nervous, she grabbed one of the shirts on the floor and helped to fold them. She felt that helping him instead of doing nothing would be better for her nerves.
"Well, I'll be at the University of California studying archaeology. I kind of hoped to go on an actual excavation," he replied. Naru handed him a shirt that she folded. He smiled at her for the help and packed the shirt in the second suitcase.
"He smiled at me! Holy crap, that's already way too much for me. What am I even doing here?" she asked herself. Though she was scared, she stayed in the room helping Keitaro. "I'm sorry if I'm being really weird or something. It's just that you'll be gone for a while and we all really rely on you. You're part of our Hinata family. I'm just worried to death about you," Naru told him kindly. She tried her best to sound settled and calm.
"I'm kind of worried, too. I was stressed out during the English part in the Tokyo U exam. I don't really know how I can get along while I'm over there. Plus, I'm not too sure about studying in English. That might be weird. And, well, I'm worried I'm going to miss everyone here," he said with a smile. Looking at Naru, he took another shirt she folded. Staring back at him was too difficult for her. Trying to remain calm, Naru looked away before turning a deep red.
"I wish I had a chance like you do. I want to good with you, maybe," a huge smile crept across her face. Her own words had completely flustered, though. "Holy crap! Where'd that come from? It's not like I can go there. I mean, I doubt I can even pass that test," she blurted out, giggling a little. Unsettled by the things she was saying, she began to get incredibly nervous, and it showed in her actions. "I'm acting like an idiot! I need to calm down. I just need to breathe a little."
Keitaro noticed her uneasiness. "Maybe she's just not too comfortable with herself. Maybe I should say something really nice about her!" he told himself. "I don't think so. I think you'd do really well on that test. You basically taught me everything I needed to know for Tokyo U. And you helped me study for the test I amazingly passed. And since you helped me study, you probably learned something while you were helping me," he encouraged her. It made him happy that Naru actually, even for an instant, thought about going with him. If he could have anyone go with him, it would definitely be Naru. But, he would be lying if he said that she was the only person in all of Hinata he'd want to go with.
"Thanks, really. I don't think I'm really cut out to be an archaeologist, though. I would like to go with you just once. I'm sure we'd all like to go with you," Naru said. She was sure that everyone would give anything to be with Keitaro. "I guess I should be happy. He wants to spend all of his time with me. But I doubt I can pull him away from the other love of his life. Love of his life? Did I just call myself that? What the hell? Why am I even thinking all of this?" Her confusion continued as she sat there watching Keitaro finish packing the third and last of his bags.
"Anyway, Naru, what's the real reason you're down here?" he asked her as he slid the last of the suitcases by his door. Suddenly, Naru felt incredibly nervous. "Gah! Where'd he get a silly idea like that? That's what I'll say!" She felt like the adrenaline in her system would make her get a heart attack. "What do you mean? Where'd you get a silly idea like that?" she asked stuttering through it.
"I'm sure you're down here for more than just worry. Though, I am flattered that you are worried about me, Naru. But, I know that you have something else on your mind." Keitaro wasn't actually sure if he was right or not. He decided to act like he really knew something. "I hope I'm not making a complete idiot out of myself right now."
"I – I… well, I have nothing to really talk about. I just wanted to spend some extra time with you. You know, alone. Just the two of us, talking. That's something that would really mean a lot to me, Kei," she told him. "DID I JUST CALL HIM KEI! HOLY CRAP! What's wrong with me?"
"You haven't called me Kei before. But, uh, anyway, I'm glad you came down here to talk. I wish you could come with me, you know? I would really want to spend more time with you," Keitaro smiled at her. Naru looked back at him and felt her body become totally relaxed. She was at peace for the first time in the entire conversation.
"I'm glad I came down here." Naru smiled back. She gave him a little kiss on the cheek before going back up to her room. He watched her as she climbed through the ceiling. Before her legs left his room, he was out of his room and in the hallway. He noticed Kitsune's open door and her turning to head upstairs.
- ~ - ~ -
Something from me: OH MY GOSH! What've I done? Heh, actually... as I told a friend, I was planning to end this thing in this chapter. BUT, as you can see, it's FAR from over... well... not quite far... but it's close to far. That makes it kinda near, doesn't it? But anyway, I seriously had planned to end this here. BUT, I kept on going and going and I wanted to keep on writing. So here we are. I'm already ready to start up the next chapter. NO BREAKS FOR ME! Seth's gonna be busy now!
