"Professor Gilderoy"

Sung by: Gilderoy Lockhart

To the tune of: "Mister Cellophane"

From the musical: "Chicago"

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Chicago- Alas, not mine.

***

I, thought Gilderoy Lockhart, looking in the full-length mirror of his new
office at Hogwarts, am one sexy man. My pearly teeth. My silky hair. Many a
common ugly person has been reduced to ash in the wake of my beauty.

Gilderoy gathered his azure satin robes in his finely manicured hands, and
twirled gaily in the spotlight of summer sunshine coming in through his
window. I'm just so gosh darn pretty! he thought. So pretty I could sing.

And, inevitably, he did.

"When I stand up in a crowd

And raise my voice up way out loud

And flash a smile and toss my hair,

They notice me.

If someone at the Quidditch show

Yelled 'There's Lockhart in the second row!'

The players would fall off their brooms!

They'd notice me.

And even without acting like a fool

My name is known far beyond this school.

Most folks never have any fame, you see

But not sweet and humble, unassuming, me!

Gilderoy!

Professor Gilderoy!

The name brings ladies joy!

Professor Gilderoy!

Nobody looks right through me

Or walks right by me

Without admiring my hair!

I tell ya,

Gilderoy!

Professor Gilderoy!

Witch Weekly's Cover Boy!

Professor Gilderoy!

Nobody look right through me

Or walks right by me

Without stopping to stare!

Suppose you was a sexy man!

With golden hair and bright bronze tan!

And azure eyes and dazzling smile!

They'd notice you.

Suppose you was one talented bloke

Who slew zombies and saved village folk!

And flew real well wrote great books!

They'd notice you.

I've muscle rippling on my arms and rear!

This school is really lucky that I'm here!

Hate to say, but I'm much better than you!

I'm charming and I'm talented,

And humble, too!

Gilderoy!

Professor Gilderoy!

Like a male Helen of Troy!

Professor Gilderoy!

Nobody looks right through me

Or walks right by me

Without admiring my hair!

Without admiring my hair!"

Gilderoy examined his own perfect face in the mirror one more time.

"I hope I'm not to sexy for my own good."