Chapter Three - Now We're Even

(The Akira characters © Katsuhiro Otomo, although Suki is kind of © me, I guess. Please r+r! By the way, if anyone knows how to stop ff.net changing ellipses (.) to full stops, please tell me! It's driving me nuts!)

Yamagata kicked at the door of his room, and it flew back and hit the wall with a crash, followed by several smaller crashes as a pile of (extremely dusty) schoolbooks fell off the shelf and hit the floor. He marched into the sticky darkness of the room and slammed the door closed again, and as the sound echoed down the corridor outside, stood, trying to think - trying not to feel -

It had happened again.

He'd been so damn stupid and it had happened again.

The room was baking hot, even though it was night. Sweat was already starting to ooze over his skin, smearing the dried blood from the grazes on his arms.

He walked over to the window, wrenched at the broken blind until he managed to block out some of the city lights. No need to freak out when someone could see in.

He shouldn't even have gone off with Kai in the first place! He should've left him at the mall and gone with Suki. Yeah, Suki, his girlfriend Suki, he was supposed to like her, she was hot.

Only she'd been pissed with him and stormed off, stupid bitch. So he'd been standing there, feeling like someone had stirred him all up inside, mad with her and horny as hell, and then he'd seen Kai sitting there looking so damn worried.

Not that the horny bit and the Kai bit were connected at all -

(Liar.)

Not that they were connected at all - he'd just, well, over this past week he'd really missed Kai. Not in any sort of weird way, just missed him because they were, like, friends. And also he felt dumb doing the silent treatment. Normally when he was mad with one of the other guys he yelled at them and they brawled a little and then it was all okay again.

But he couldn't do that with Kai, because he couldn't go near Kai.

He'd just wanted to stop being enemies.

And instead this had happened. First his bike crashing - and that scared him because he didn't even know why, he'd been looking after it good, what had gone wrong? - and then Kai - Kai and him - kissing -

Again.

Part of his brain, the slightly more sensible bit, knew that it was dumb to worry about it, that maybe it was okay that he liked someone that way. Even if it was a boy.

But whenever he thought of it - whenever he thought of letting go and just saying, even to himself, I'm gay - I'm like that -

He couldn't. He just couldn't. It was like - like having to break his own arm or something.

Even if he had liked that kiss.

Really liked it.

Wanted it to go on.

And instead he'd walked away. He glanced out at the splinters of night sticking out between the gaps in the blind. Kai was still out there, he'd walked away and left him. Some lift that was!

I don't care. He shouldn't act like a freak.

One thing was clear. This wasn't just Kai liking him any more. It was him liking - liking -

I won't say it -

He sank down onto the bed, and found himself trembling.

Damn Kai, anyway! Why'd he have to be such a pest - why'd he have to do that - why'd he have to be so -

So cute.

Yamagata groaned, and rolled over and buried his face in the pillow.

So hot still. Outside the city roared and shrieked, and headlights blazed across the ceiling. It was too warm to even wrap a sheet over himself, so he just lay, the thick, damp air sitting on his forehead.

***

Boys don't do that sort of thing! Stop it! Stop it - please -

It was dark and hot and he was being yelled at - and he crouched, trying desperately not to cry, because boys didn't do that either - Kai's kisses burned on his lips and his dad could see them - it was all gonna happen again - don't hurt me! Don't! You're stupid and weak, you gotta fight, everyone'll laugh. You're so dumb. You're so stupid. Leave me alone! Leave me alone!

And suddenly he was awake.

He lay, his breathing tumbling through the dark room, clutching the sheet to him. His skin was as cold and sticky as school custard.

Slowly the shapes in the room stopped being monsters and turned back into familiar things, the pile of socks, the magazines scattered across the bedside table, the light bulb above him. He wondered what time it was. The dorms were silent around him, choked by the breathing of a million unwanted kids.

He hadn't dreamt about his dad for years.

He didn't want to now. On his side, just above his hip, was a small, curved scar, where the buckle of the belt had caught a cut and dragged it open. Normally he could look at that scar and see it as an everyday, normal thing, like his hair or his T-shirt. Now even thinking about it was making him feel sick, making him curl up as though someone had slugged him in the stomach.

He wanted to sleep again, but he couldn't. Every time he tried to think of something else, he remembered what was going on, and then he started to feel sick and frightened again. But he wanted to sleep. Sleep would block everything out. If he didn't dream again. But even if he did at least time would pass. Time wasn't passing at all at the moment. Each dark, sweaty second was tangling round his feet, dragging him down. How could he stay awake with this fear when there were still so many seconds to go?

The scar burnt.

Stop it -

Outside the city babbled. Cars screeched past the window. How could people still be awake at this time? How could they be just living without fear, sick strangling fear that he couldn't tear off?

Stop it -

Slowly, slowly, the night faded.

Kai gazed at him from the shadows, his face sunken and dark, headlights glowing in his eyes. And their lips met, and then Yamagata wrenched himself away and lay alone again, cursing his mind with the worst words he knew. Dammit, why couldn't he think properly?

The sun rose.

Why was he so confused? He was sick with confusion, it made his stomach lurch and his head ache. And he couldn't lie still, he lay on one side of the bed, then the other, the sheet tangled round him like soggy rope and Kai and his dad stared out at opposite sides of his mind and fought for his thoughts and tried to tear them apart until Yamagata yelled at both of them to quit it, and then they slunk back into the dusty corners of his brain and waited.

The sun rose, tinting the blind-sliced window grey, then pale yellow, then blazing gold.

They waited.

Yamagata sat up as the sun crept over the ceiling, and scowled.

He hated everything. His eyes felt like they were sand-coated, and the tiredness was like being knocked slightly dizzy. And so what if the daylight had come? He still didn't feel any better. Because the problems were still there.

He was still scared.

Him, Yamagata, who was never scared, him who they called reckless, him who they knew would take up any dare.

Why was he scared?

And why the hell should he be?

Why?

He was sick of feeling like he was being torn up inside! He was sick of not being able to sleep! He was sick of not being able to think proper. And why was he like this? Like he'd said to Kai, he was scared of nothing! Why was he suddenly acting like a little baby, curled up in the dark unable to sleep? How pathetic was that?

(You're pathetic.)

It was stupid to be scared of something so - dumb.

(You're stupid.)

No. No. The voice chipped away at his mind, and he gritted his teeth against it because it had to be lying. It wasn't his fault he was scared, was it?

He got to his feet, ran a hand through his tangled hair, which was leaking black stripes into his vision, and scowled. Yeah. His dad was the one who'd made him so scared. And Kai was the one who'd brought it all back, made him remember, made the scar burn on his skin -

They'd given him that long, horrible night. And they'd given him that fear.

No one gave him fear.

He'd show 'em both. Maybe he was scared, but he could damn well fight back still. He'd show 'em both. Right now.

***

The Eighth District Vocational Training School didn't look any better in the sun. The graffiti just blazed brighter, and shadows spilled from the carved swearing speckling the walls.

Kai was sitting with the others in the parking lot, looking slightly unconnected because he was the only one not perched on a bike. Not that Yamagata minded. It made it easier for him to march up, grab Kai's arm and drag him away from the others, growling, "We need to talk."

"Couldn't we have - ow - talked there?" Kai gasped as he was hauled past the flat, glass-faced school buildings. "Where's the fire -"

"You know what we're gonna talk about. And I wanna keep that secret."

They stumbled up the steps into the school building. The corridors were very quiet - no one came into school early - and their footsteps echoed down them through the shade.

Yamagata kicked open the door of a random classroom, dragged Kai through after him, and slammed him up against the wall.

"What -"

Kai's words were cut off as Yamagata grabbed the sides of his head and slammed a kiss into his mouth. It felt good - and inside part of his brain nodded and said Yesss - but over the pleasure was rage, rage that he smashed into the kiss like he would have into a punch, and the scar bit into his side and he didn't want to think about it.

"There!" he gasped as they broke apart. "There, now we're even. Oh, yeah, I forgot -" He kissed him again, keeping the other boy shoved against the wall. "I mayn't be that smart, but I can count. Two for the two you did. Now you're happy! Now you can quit playing around!"

Kai stared up at him. For a moment he almost looked - relieved? But then that vanished, was swallowed up by the apprehension in his face, and Yamagata tried not to notice that, because guilt was the last thing he needed right now.

"Go on, say summat!" he yelled at Kai. "What the hell else do you want? You want more? You want me to do it again? You want me to fuck you senseless? What do you want?"

Kai swallowed. His face was blank suddenly, but his eyes were dark and shiny like broken glass at night.

"I wasn't playing around," he said at last, and his voice was low, and it shook slightly - anger, fear, sadness? Yamagata told himself he didn't care.

"I was never playing around," Kai continued. "I just - I just did it, that was all. I did it cos I like you, and I mean like you, and I think you're cool. And you know what I want? I'd want us to, to, you know, start going out. I mean - that you wouldn't mind kissing me. And it wouldn't be like just some power struggle thing or whatever the hell you think it is. It would just be two people being together because they like each other. But I know what you'll say to that, so if you could just get off and let me get to class?"

Yamagata stared at him.

I like you - and I think you're cool -

Two people being together because they like each other -

And those kisses had felt - good -

And suddenly the rage was shrivelling and melting inside him, and even as he tried to grab onto it, he caught instead some other feeling, a weird shiny choked feeling.

And then he'd let go of Kai, had let him straighten up, and Kai stood there, straightening his jacket, which was shiny in the sun, and then stared at him, and Yamagata wanted to glare back, but somehow -

"Yamagata?" Kai whispered. "Hey - you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just -"

He could walk out now. He should walk out. He should walk out and be cool and stop, stop feeling so weird! Any of the others would walk out. His dad would've walked out. He'd done what he'd meant to, shown he wasn't scared.

Well, okay, he was scared, but he'd shown them he wasn't putting up with any crap even so.

Yeah. Now he should go. He'd made his point. And now he and Kai could - could -

Go back to being friends?

His body didn't like that idea one bit. His body was melting, hot inside, at the thought of more kisses, and touches, and -

His mind slapped it down, but that was like trying to hide an ocean.

No. He couldn't be friends with Kai. Not now.

Then walk out. Don't be friends.

He couldn't do that, either.

And even as the scar burnt and fear gnawed at his insides and drooled sweat over his skin, he opened his mouth, and said the only other option.

"Never said we couldn't go out."

Kai's mouth fell open. "Huh?"

Yamagata grinned, and the grin broke up the tautness inside him, and he began to laugh. "You look like a fish."

"Oh, shut up! This is important. You're saying - you're saying we - we could? I mean, we could?"

"Yeah. If you want."

I can do this. It's okay.

And I want to do this.

"Of course I want to, you moron." Kai ran a hand over his hair, then frowned. "Hang on. You do mean this, right? This ain't a joke -"

"No."

"And it ain't - that you're just saying it to get me off your back?"

"No!"

Kai frowned at him a moment, then walked forward, slowly, and reached up, and kissed him.

It was a gentle kiss, and it was nervous, like he didn't know exactly what he was doing, or what would happen - and Yamagata knew this was dangerous, it was freaky, it was wrong, it was going to hurt him - but he told himself to shut up, and the desire washed over the fear like seawater over sharp rocks, and hid it from view, and suddenly he felt - okay again.

"We'd better get to class," Kai said at last.

"You're too keen."

"Come on. Besides, there'll be a lesson in here or summat soon."

"Point." The last thing Yamagata wanted was for a crowd of juvenile delinquents to catch them doing this.

Especially not a certain group of juvenile delinquents -

"We mustn't let the others know."

"We mustn't?"

"Kai, they'll freak."

Kai shrugged. "They might not."

"No. They might have a good laugh and tease us and then accept it as totally normal. Or they might think it's sick and kick us out of the gang. I don't know which, and I don't wanna find out." I won't find out. No way.

Kai shrugged. "Well, I guess - so, we have to act - normal?"

"Yeah. No - couple stuff."

"What, like this?"

Kai grinned as they kissed again.

"To class," Yamagata said sternly, marching towards the door.

"Spoilsport," Kai muttered, following him.

***

As the day faded into evening, Yamagata dragged his bike into his room, and sat wrenching at it, trying to discover what its problem was. But soon he stopped working, and sat, staring absently at the damp patches on the ceiling, while his thoughts flew dizzily through his head.

I did it. I did it. I did it.

I'm going out with Kai.

He felt so - strange - happy, yeah, he'd never thought that this could happen but now it had it - it was so different. All those girls, that hadn't been much, that had just been some dumb bimbo who let you kiss her and do stuff with her, and that was all. But Kai -

He actually cared about Kai, he actually wanted to make him happy -

This was weird. Maybe those dumb stupid love ballads had a point.

And yet.

As long as it was secret still. He was fine with kissing Kai in private, but if the other guys even had the tiniest idea -

His stomach clenched painfully, and he shivered, and one hand touched that scar, felt it grin beneath his clothes. No way. No way in hell would anyone else ever find out.

After school they could've met up, but Yamagata had been feeling like he needed some time alone to get used to this, and he thought Kai might've been too - whatever, they'd both headed home alone. Now most of him was missing Kai, most of him wanted him back, wanted him in here to hold and kiss and -stuff -

But a small part of him was glad, because a small part of him could pretend it wasn't really happening.

That night he dreamt of falling into dark, and hearing his father yell at him again - and the fear - and then Kai, crying out, and Yamagata struggled against the dark to find him, to help him - and the crying and the shouting screamed in his ears - and someone laughed at his terror - but then he woke up, and this time, because he'd made a decision, because he knew he did like Kai and he wasn't, wasn't scared, this time, he could go back to sleep again, and ignore the fear.

And then, the next morning, he got up, and started working on his bike again, and this time he found out what had happened to it.

***

Kai sat, his elbows resting on the windowsill, and stared out at the milky sunrise. He'd been up early, hadn't been able to stay asleep. The thoughts blazing in his brain were too strong for that.

He likes me. He likes me and we're going out.

Yet another grin broke over his face. He'd smiled more in the past twenty- four hours than he'd smiled so far in his whole life, or so it felt.

He let me kiss him and he likes me and everything rules!

Well, almost everything.

He'd been trying not to think of what he'd done to Yamagata's bike. Because when he did, he felt all squirmy and nervous. And it wasn't like there was anything he could do about it. And he preferred to smile.

Yamagata would never find out. Never know what Kai had tried to do to him -

I didn't want to kill you, I swear it.

But it was all okay. They were both alive and they were together.

There was no need to worry. The secret wasn't that big.

Yes it is.

It just - hung on his back, that was all, lurked behind his shoulder. But as long as it stayed there, he'd be fine. Of course he'd be fine! He finally had someone to, to be with - someone who liked him liked him - even having to keep all of this a secret wouldn't be too bad. They could still meet up. They could still kiss and stuff. He couldn't see why Yamagata was so edgy about not telling, but it wasn't a problem or nothing.

He got to his feet, brushed the floor dust off his pyjamas, and started to search for clothes, humming some old love song under his breath. He didn't realise he was actually singing it, loudly, and substituting all the 'she's' for 'he's', until the guy in the next room started banging on the wall and cursing him to hell. The sun bathed the street in creamy yellow as he waited outside the dorm building, and he squinted up at the blue sky, cool and fresh behind the Neo- Tokyo skyline, and started humming again.

"Kai, just cos you got me to admit summat yesterday don't mean you got to lose your taste in music."

Kai jumped as Yamagata tapped the back of his neck. "So I'm happy. That so bad?"

"It is when it involves stupid love songs." Yamagata walked round to stand beside him.

"Where's your bike, anyway?" Kai asked, and as he said it, the worry drummed its fingers on his stomach again. "Thought you were gonna check it over last night."

"I did."

"And?"

They began to walk down the street together.

"I found something funny."

"What, gerbil in the gears?"

"No. Snapped brake leads."

Kai tried to act properly surprised. "Oh. Um, that's weird. How d'you think it happened?"

Yamagata shrugged. "I don't know. It was a pretty ragged break - maybe - I don't know. I should've taken better care of the bike."

"You take good care of it, you know that."

"Oh, yeah, and then I nearly kill us both." Yamagata was frowning. "I'd've felt bad enough about that if we weren't - you know."

"Going out. You can say it."

"Yeah, well, as it is, we are, and - and that's great, but it wouldn't have been if you'd had your skull smashed in."

"Look, don't worry about it, okay? I don't care any more. You shouldn't either. Just get some new brake leads, and then forget about it." Please forget about it.

Yamagata sighed, took Kai's hand, and then dropped it as though it burnt when a voice tore through the summer air behind them.

"Yamagata! Kai!"

Kaneda skidded to a halt next to them, his bike sparkling in the sun. "What are you both doing walking? Don't tell me the Clowns got your bike too, Yamagata."

Yamagata explained what had happened the night before last. Edited highlights, anyway.

"Your brake leads were cut?" Kaneda said. "Hmm - were the Clowns around, Kai?"

"I - um - dunno." Damn, he should have sorted out a story. "Yeah, they were - they chased us later on. Could've cut the brake leads, couldn't they, Yamagata?"

"I suppose - I didn't see 'em, though."

"Yeah, well, you were busy."

Kaneda sniggered. "He looked pretty busy when we left. Suki worked you off your feet, did she?"

"Um -" Yamagata let his eyes wander up to the sky, then down to the newspapers flitting along the pavement. "Something like that."

"Sure, I get it. I'll see you in school, 'kay?"

He revved up and vanished into the distance.

"I feel so disabled," Kai muttered, staring after him.

"Hey, we'll get both our bikes back. Let's get to school. And remember -"

"I know. No couple stuff." Kai put on an innocent face as Yamagata narrowed his eyes at him. "What, don't you trust me?"

"Trust you? Hah, I'd have to be crazy."

***

"And it can be seen that if the parallel lines are equal -"

Kai tried to raise his head up from the desk in front of him. It wasn't easy. They were obviously stuffing too much knowledge into his brain and making it too heavy to lift.

The classroom was baking hot. Long squares of sunlight lay stretched across the floor, dust particles floating above them, and the heat got into your throat and you couldn't stop yawning. Kai ran a finger over the rude words carved into the desk, but he'd already read them three times and there was a limit to how interesting they could be.

"However, one can also look at the second method. If you study these calculations -"

Mr Tamura never actually seemed to care if anyone was listening. One day, Kai decided, he'd have to get everyone to skip out from his class, and see if the teacher even noticed.

On his right, Kaneda was busily engaged in some calculations on a piece of file paper. Kai was prepared to bet that they weren't anything to do with parallel lines, especially as the words 'bike', 'customise', and 'twin motor alloy wheels' cropped up a lot. Next to Kaneda, Tetsuo was slowly sliding down in his seat like a melting ice cream, his head ever closer to sinking below the level of the desk.

Kai glanced at his watch. Still forty-five minutes to go. When you thought about it, forty-five wasn't actually a very big number, but these minutes had swelled and swelled until each one was like ten miles long, and then forty-five was a very big number indeed.

Yamagata was sitting on his left, and he was trying not to notice him. Really trying. But it was kind of hard, because part of his mind was saying who'd actually notice or care if you just, like, did stuff? Everyone's asleep anyway.

And, like, doing stuff would be so fun. He was sitting right next to the guy, I mean, come on, did they expect him to be a saint? He could smell Yamagata's skin, he wanted to press himself against it, get close -

Besides, if he didn't do something, his brain was going to dry up and dissolve into dust and spill out of his ears.

Distraction. Just focus on something.

I'm so bored I feel like a dead fish, he wrote at the top of his paper.

He pushed it to one side, deciding to write down more words if and when they occurred to him.

Someone wrote down something on his paper, and pushed it back to him.

Well, u sure don't look like 1.

Kai felt a grin spread over his face. He glanced at Yamagata, who was leaning back, hands behind head, studying the light fittings.

I guess that's a compliment.

Yes. I'm so bored I feel like my head's gonna Xplode.

Kai glanced at him again, felt his smile sharpen, and wrote, don't u just wish we were outside someplace alone?

As Yamagata read that sentence, his eyes narrowed, and he wrote back, U promiss said u'd not tell.

Just think of it, Kai scribbled. The sun - the peace + quiet - we could do anything we wanted

He did think of it, and sighed. Yamagata snatched the pen out of his hand.

Yr being a bad innflu infloo enflue yr being annoying

Yes, so what r u gonna do about it?

Yamagata yawned, and stretched, and let his hand brush down the back of Kai's neck. Then he took the paper, and wrote, That.

Oh, yeah well I'm gonna do this.

Kai shifted position, making like the sun was in his eyes, until he was leaning against Yamagata, who tensed, grabbed paper and pen, and wrote, U will die for this Kaisuke

Is that sposed to upset me? I'm pretty happy where I am

He let one hand curl itself around Yamagata's shoulders, and wrote See?

Yamagata froze, and then scribbled, Quit it

Or r u scared? Kai answered.

No way am I scared!

Prove it

Yamagata wrote THIS MEANS WAR, and turned his head towards Kai, gripped his arms hard enough to hurt, and their lips were just about to meet when -

"What are you guys doing?"

Kai jumped. His knees hit the desk, making it wobble, and sending pen, paper, and textbook onto the head of the boy in front of him. The resulting confusion and violence for the next fifteen minutes meant that Kaneda didn't get a chance to ask his question again until the class had resettled, and Yamagata and Kai were sitting with the correct distance of about five inches between them, both looking innocent.

"Doing?" Kai said. "How d'you mean?"

"You were, like, lying on him."

"I was practically asleep. It's all right for you, you got something to think about. What are you thinking about?"

"Oh. Well, I was figuring if I get hold of one of these -"

One thing you could always rely on, with Kaneda, Kai thought. Get him on the subject of his bike, and he could talk for hours. Even if he did remember what he'd seen, he'd think it unimportant compared to wheels, speedometers, and new coats of red paint.

"You're pushing it," Yamagata muttered as they walked down the corridor after class.

"You started it."

"I did not."

"Okay, you encouraged it," Kai said.

"Kai!"

Kai stopped in the middle of the corridor.

"Look," he said, "don't worry. I won't do anything really obvious, okay? I don't want to get dirt thrown in my face either."

"Why'd that happen?" Tetsuo said, coming up behind them.

"Um - uh - people're gonna laugh at us cos we've both lost our bikes," Yamagata said.

"They are?"

"Yup."

Tetsuo frowned. "Oh, okay. Have you tried -"

"Hey, you should get to class," Kai broke in. "What is it now, business studies? Man, you don't wanna miss that. I know I don't. Come on, Yamagata."

***

Tetsuo watched them as they dashed down the corridor, and bit his lip. Okay, so they didn't want to talk to him. Fine. It wasn't like he cared or anything.

Why don't they ever take me seriously? Why don't they ever look up to me like they do to Kaneda? He's just a show-off anyway. He just knows how to boss people around.

He tried to block out these boiling, angry thoughts. This was stupid. Kaneda and the others, they were his friends. He was lucky Kaneda still hung out with him now there were so many other people wanting attention.

Yeah. He was lucky. He had friends and they liked him. And that was how it was. He forced himself to smile, and tried to ignore the sour rage filling his throat.

***

School dragged itself to its tired, sulky conclusion, and finally ended with a whimper in general studies class.

"Class dismissed," the teacher called, and everyone leapt to their feet to try and get rid of the pins and needles.

"Let's move," Kaneda called to the gang. "Get out of here before we fossilise."

As people hurried past them, he turned to Yamagata and Kai. "What about you two? Coming?"

Yamagata shook his head. "I can fix my bike this afternoon. I'll go home and do that."

"Kai?"

"Uh - I'll go with him. Tell him the important bits, like how many wheels it's supposed to have."

Kaneda grinned. "Sure. See you tomorrow or something, then."

"Now we go," Yamagata hissed, grabbed Kai's arm and dragged him out of the classroom.

"Hey, don't look so desperate. People might think we're up to something."

"We're not up to anything. We just want to go home and do bike stuff."

"Sure we do."

They were outside now, hurrying along the street.

"So, that was Day One," Kai said. "And it wasn't too bad."

"Yeah, but it's like, the first day of - well, at least seven more."

"You see this lasting for a week? Wow, I'm flattered."

"I -"

"Yamagata, wait up!"

Yamagata froze as they heard the clatter of high heels. Then Suki threw her arms round his neck. Kai wondered if the girl's mother had had an affair with an exceptionally cutesy chimpanzee.

"Uh, hi." Yamagata disentangled himself. "Um, good to see you again, Suki."

"Is that how you greet me normally, stupid?" She giggled, and then pouted at him.

"I thought you wanted me to go slower." Yamagata gazed down at his feet, kicked at the kerb. Kai felt himself tensing. If she made Yamagata go off with her -

(What, you're scared he still likes her underneath?)

No.

(Liar.)

Suki giggled. "Yeah, well, you know - so, come on. Let's go someplace."

"Can't." Yamagata indicated Kai. "Got to go do stuff. Bike stuff."

"Yeah," Kai said, glaring up at her. "And it's going to be really dirty."

Ignoring Yamagata's muffled snigger, he continued, "And oily. And boring."

Suki rolled her eyes. "Okay, I get it. You don't want me around, short stuff. Fine. Yama-kun, can we meet up later?"

"Nah, I'm busy tonight."

"Well, okay. Look, I've got to go, but call me, okay?"

She rushed away, yelling, "Hiroko, wait up!"

Kai gave Yamagata a look. " 'Yama-kun'?"

"So she has a nickname for me. Is that so bad?"

Kai shrugged. "I don't have a nickname."

"I call you Kai, you moron!"

"Everyone calls me Kai. It doesn't count -"

Slowly, they made their way back to Yamagata's house, up the stairs, feet clattering on peeling, scratched linoleum, and up to the doorway of his room.

"No one'll be watching us now," Yamagata said.

"Cool."

Yamagata opened the door, and they walked inside, and then as he kicked the door shut, grabbed Kai's shoulders, and kissed him, kissed him over and over again, and Kai wrapped his arms round Yamagata and kissed back as they swayed in the thick, humid air.

"You're driving me crazy," Yamagata said at last. "This whole thing is a bad idea. Something's bound to go wrong."

"No, it isn't. You like it - don't you?"

"Yeah, but - oh, forget it -"

And Yamagata kissed him again, and it was almost angry, like those ones he'd given the day before. But that didn't matter, Kai was happy enough being able to do this at all. It was scary-good, pulses of it bursting inside him and sending goose bumps down his skin. Why hadn't he started earlier? He'd wasted far too much of his life just existing. Not being here, doing this now -

He opened his eyes briefly - and saw Yamagata's bike, watching him from the corner. It made him jump.

"Yamagata," he said, "what's your bike doing in here?"

"I was trying to fix it, wasn't I?"

"I don't even want to know how you got it up the stairs -"

"Same old logical Kai," Yamagata said, and kissed him again, but this time Kai couldn't relax into it, because the bike was still there, behind his eyelids, and it knew what he'd done to it.

He tried to silence his thoughts. Kissed back harder, let his hands reach up under Yamagata's T-shirt to touch the warm skin beneath.

They stumbled back, fell onto the bed, and somehow lying down made it even better - no, not better, but different - you didn't have to concentrate on standing up -

His shirt was half-undone now, and the warm air on his skin - and Yamagata touching him, now that was good - funny, you wouldn't think you could be that sensitive on your chest, maybe it was cos most people didn't touch you there. So close, though. So warm, and these lovely feelings washing over him -

"Kai - Kai, cool it."

Yamagata sat up, and pulled down his T-shirt.

"Huh?"

"We still got at least seven days, remember?" Yamagata swallowed, and stared down at the bed, picking at the frayed edges of the sheet. "Don't let's do everything now."

"Spoilsport," Kai said, and he was only half-joking.

"Besides, I do actually have to do something with my bike."

"Mm." Kai wasn't sure he liked Yamagata's bike much any more. "Like what exactly?"

"Like fix those damn brake leads and find out who cut 'em in the first place."

Oh shit. Kai stared up at the ceiling as Yamagata knelt down by the bike.

"Someone definitely cut 'em?" he said. "They didn't snap?"

"No, they didn't. Trust me."

"Well - who'd do a thing like that?"

Yamagata shrugged. "The Clowns. Some random passer-by. A cop who was bored. I dunno, but if I find out I'll pulp 'em."

"You - don't want to just let it go, then?"

"Kai, they mucked around with my bike," Yamagata said. "And they hurt you as well. They went way too far."

Yeah. That was it, wasn't it? Mucking around with someone's bike was low. Smashing it up - like the Clowns had probably done with his - that was bad, but it wasn't sneaky. But someone doing stuff so you'd have an accident - someone sneaking around, fiddling with it - someone who was supposed to be your friend - someone who was more than your friend -

He was suddenly very glad he'd taken the knife out of his pocket. Last night, when he'd got back, and been feeling all floaty and bubbly and happy, he'd glanced at the knife and thought I don't need it any more - and hadn't let it remind him of what he'd actually done.

He probably should keep it, you never knew what you might run into - but it would be evidence. It would sit and burn in his pocket.

"Well - well, how're you supposed to find out who did it?" he asked. "If it was a cop or a bystander you'll never trace 'em, and we attack the Clowns enough anyway."

Yamagata shrugged. "I dunno. I just want revenge, you know? Just want to show 'em you don't mess with my bike."

Kai sighed, and wished he could stop the cold oozy feeling in his stomach.

He won't find out. Don't worry.

But what if he does? He'll - he'll hate me -

Maybe he should just tell him now, before things went any further.

"Yamagata -"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Yamagata looked up at him. "I guess you're kinda bored, huh?"

"No, I just -"

Then they were kissing again, the smell of oil, and he wasn't exactly going to break off the kiss just for one stupid little confession. And when they did stop, and Yamagata said, "So - uh - what did you want to say?" he was feeling too happy, and had forgotten why it would be a good idea to tell anyway, so he just shrugged and said, "Oh, nothing."