Chapter Ten – On Our Own Together

Kai lay on his bed again, and wondered why he kept ending up this way. 

            He'd been lying here all afternoon, staring at the sun as it crawled through the cobwebs.  He didn't think he'd ever get up again.

            This wasn't life.  This was death when you were still breathing. 

            And that voice whispered again – you could make it all death –

            No – no – he wouldn't give in that way.

            Why not?

            Because he still had something. 

            Yamagata was still alive.  Maybe he hated him or was tired of him or something, but he was there, he hadn't been decapitated or run over or beaten to death in some downtown prison.  He was there.  That was something.

            But if he finds someone else to be with, he won't be there…and do you really want him to be there with some girl – or some guy – hanging on his arm?

            He pictured it, and sourness slammed into his stomach, and he wanted to leap up and smash something, now.

            He didn't like thinking about it, so he tried to think of something else.

            But he couldn't.  Things kept distracting him.  The itchiness of his blanket underneath him.  The whispering in his mind that told him to get up and die now while he still could.  The rattling from outside, under his window –

            Suddenly there was a huge crash that sounded exactly like a car hitting a pile of dustbins, and a yell, and then a lot of cursing.

            Kai blinked.  That yelling sounded familiar, and it sent a shiver through his body like a very enjoyable stomach-ache.

            Legs shaking, he got up and walked over to the window, and gazed down to the yard behind the dorms where he'd kept his bike.  Pushing up the window, he was drenched with hot air that stank even more than usual of rubbish.

            "Yamagata?" he called.  "You down there?"

            There was a pause for a moment, then someone growled, "This was supposed to be secret."

            "What're you doing?"

            Yamagata stepped back into Kai's viewpoint.  "I was bringing your bike back.  It stayed at my place last night.  Only I was wheeling it down here, and I kinda lost control, and hit the trash."

            That explained the dead dustbins strewn all over the ground.  Kai's bike stood in the middle of them, looking smug.

            "Are you okay?"

            "Yeah.  Just my pride."

            "You – you wanna come up?"

            Another pause, then Yamagata said, "Yeah.  All right."

            Kai leant back into the room, closed the window, and waited.  He tried to wait calmly, but it was hard.  He didn't know what to say.  He didn't know what to do.  All he knew was he hadn't been able to let Yamagata walk away.

            He found himself straightening his tie, smoothing his hair, and told himself to stop it.

            The door rattled, and then Yamagata peered round it.

            "Uh – hi," he said.

            "Come in, why don't you?"

            Yamagata did so, seeming to walk extra gently across the floor.

            "So," he said.  "Um.  Why'd you want me to come?"

            "I dunno.  I just…wanted to see you."

            "You saw me last night."

            "I know."

            Kai couldn't look at him.  He almost wished Yamagata would freak, yell at him, tell him what a jerk he was, tell him he'd been unfair.  This quietness – this nervousness – was hard to take.  It was making him itchy with guilt.

            Go on.  Say it.

            So he did.

            "I'm sorry.  I said some stupid shit last night, and…I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it.  I didn't mean any of it.  I just…"

            "Yeah?"

            Yamagata was just standing.  Waiting.  Listening.

            So Kai had to carry on speaking.

            "I just didn't want 'em to know…and I guess, I guess I'm jealous of you – dumb, huh? – and I hate being the one who's always acting like a wimp.  And I'm scared you're sick of it all and tired of me not, you know, letting you do stuff, and you'll go off and find someone else, and then I don't know what I'll do…"

            He stopped, realising these words were getting out of control.

            "So anyway, that's why I yelled at you," he said.  "I didn't mean it.  Hell, if you died I think I'd have to kill myself to go along too.  Anyway…uh…I just wanted to say that.  You can go away now if you want."

            "Do I have to?"

            Kai turned to stare at him. 

            "No," he said.  "No, you don't."

            Yamagata walked towards him, stopped when they were a few inches apart.

            "I don't want to," he said.

            "Good."

            Yamagata stared at him, and frowned.

            "What happened to you?" he said.  "Jaws caught you makin' paper aeroplanes?"

            "Um…not exactly."

            Yamagata shook his head.  "Oh, boy.  What did you do?"

            "Kaneda and I sort of had a fight in business studies."

            "What about?" 

            "Stuff."

            Yamagata's eyes narrowed.  "Like what?"

            "You know, stuff."

            "Stuff about…people having boyfriends?  Stuff about Clowns?"

            "I guess."

            Yamagata touched Kai's face, tilted it gently towards the light.

            "You been crying," he said, and his voice was sharp with anger.

            "Yeah, so?  It don't matter."

            "Course it matters.  What did Kaneda do?  He ain't that tough, he couldn't make you howl just because of a few hits.  Jaws can't do that.  C'mon, Kai.  What did he do?"

            Kai kept his eyes fixed on the floor, which shone with sunlight, and kept his voice dull, bored, like this wasn't important.  Like none of it was important.

            "…And then he and Tetsuo both stormed off," he finished, "and I figured I wasn't exactly gonna be welcome with the others, so I came home, and then you turned up.  Thanks for bringing my bike back, by the way.  I was worried about it."

            Yamagata was still silent.  Kai stared at their feet, and then found his eyes rising up over Yamagata, nervously touching the rest of him, snatching glimpses like thoughts you shouldn't be thinking. 

            "Bastards," Yamagata said at last, and he was gritting his teeth, and the air around him hummed with anger.  "Damn it…fucking bastards."

            "Forget it."

            "Kai, he – he really scared you.  I don't like people who do that to…people I like.  I'm gonna go find him and get him to tell me what the hell he thinks he's playing at."

            "That'll make him happy."

            "I don't care how he feels, he's not getting away with this!"  Yamagata turned, stalked towards the door.  "He's got way too big-headed lately anyway."

            "Wait –"

            Yamagata turned, and Kai suddenly found himself shaking.

            "Please," he said, "please, don't go…yet."

            Yamagata stared at him a while, and then smiled, slowly, gently, like someone diving into a lake.

            "Okay," he said.  "I won't."

            The room seemed smaller.  Kai reached him in a few steps, then reached up, and kissed him. 

            I don't have to be alone, he thought as he did it.  No – I won't be – I won't – Yamagata put his arms round him, stroked his hair, and Yamagata's skin was warm and he was strong and safe and could be trusted – nothing bad would happen when he was there because he was tough – no one had ever hurt him. 

            They stepped back, away from the door, feet brushing each other, and stumbled back, against the side of the bed; Kai felt his knees give way and fell onto it, Yamagata lay down next to him, and held him, and kissed each of the bruises on his face…they throbbed, but they sang too, sang with the joy of being kissed like that.  They weren't stressed about anything; they were just enjoying themselves. 

            His shirt had got untucked, leaving a gap, and Yamagata reached through the gap and touched his bare skin – he might have gasped, he didn't remember, but it felt so…intimate, that was it.  No one else had ever stroked his ribs, no one else had run a finger down his spine…no one else had ever kissed his neck like that and let them press his cheek into their hair…

            But someone else fucked you, and that's what this is leading up to, right?

            It was like a slap.  Or a thin, sharp needle. 

            Because it tore open a different set of thoughts, bad thoughts, bad rainy thoughts, and he tried to bring himself back to the present, but it didn't work, it didn't, it was like being ill, all you could think about was that one thing; it gripped his wrists and crawled in his stomach and filled his mouth, and suddenly he wrenched himself away from Yamagata, wondering if he might actually be sick.

            "Kai?  What's wrong?"

            He couldn't speak, because his teeth were gritting and those thoughts were icy in his brain – screw you you fucking bastards screw you –

            Leave me – leave me alone –

            Someone took his hands, gently held them, and called, "Kai…come on, snap out of it…"

            And then, their voice shaking like a child's, they said, "Please…"

            He's as scared as I am…

            Kai opened his eyes, and stared into Yamagata's.

            "It was me, wasn't it?"  Yamagata was trembling.  "I – I went too far, or something, I hurt you…Kai, I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry…"

            "You didn't do anything.  It was my own dumb mind."

            "I didn't mean to…"

            "Didn't you listen?  I said it was me!"

            They stared at each other for a moment.

            "Maybe I should go now," Yamagata said at last.

            "Maybe you should."  The words weren't thought about, he didn't mean them, but they were the only things holding back the tears and the disappointment – they got in another way – he can't protect me – why can't he –

            "Okay.  See you tomorrow?"

            "When?"  Kai swallowed, and stared down at a rip in the blanket.  "You're coming to school?"

            "Yeah."  The word was like a shot.

            "Okay.  I'll see you, then."

Yamagata clattered down the steps and out into the choking heat.  The air was thick with petrol, making his eyes sting.  And it was just the petrol.  Nothing else.

            "Stupid," he cursed himself.  "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

            He'd made Kai upset, and he should've – should've not made him upset.  He'd thought he was making him happy.  But he hadn't been.  He couldn't do anything. 

            "Stupid!" he yelled again, and kicked at the wall, sending up a spatter of dust.

            If things'd been different, he wouldn't be here now.  He'd still be up in Kai's room, and they'd still be having fun, they'd still be…

            But instead everything sucked, and it was all his fault –

            No.  No.  It was those damn Clowns' fault.  And Kaneda's fault, for being such a jerk.  Yeah, especially Kaneda's fault.  Kaneda was supposed to be Kai's friend.  Like hell he was a friend.  He'd scared Kai to pieces…

            Yamagata swallowed as he remembered the fear on the other boy's face.  Kai must've been like that in class…and he wouldn't have been happy having everyone see it.  Nuh-uh. 

            Yeah, and you made him confess it in front of everyone in the first place, didn't you?

            Oh, shut up! he yelled at his mind.  What was I s'posed to do?  Everyone's making it so hard. 

            And you're supposed to be able to rely on your friends.

            Yeah, right. 

            And fury was rising through him, rising like heat through stone, and it hurt. 

            Some friends.  Some damn friends.  No, they weren't his friends, not now.  It was like fire, thinking this stuff, because before, before he'd been angry with them at times, but now – now he was furious.  Now he wanted to kill them.  Now he wanted to beat their brains out.  Now he wanted to see them drool blood onto the tarmac.  He hated them.  He hated them…

Deep down, something told him this was dumb, that you didn't need to hate your friends, but he couldn't hear it properly, because every time he tried thinking sensibly, he remembered Kai, Kai screaming, and then all the anger came back again, broken glass in his throat and stone and blades in his hands.

Kaneda and Tetsuo and everyone, soon as they heard about people being different they didn't want to know.

            Oh, like you did with Kai when this all started?

            Will you shut up?  Geez, his mind was supposed to be on his side, wasn't it? 

            And you hit him and you yelled at him and ignored him and treated him like nothing, go on, admit it. 

            Well, I didn't mean it!  I, I, well, I'm good to him now, right?  I try to be, anyway.  It's just everyone else.  It's just everyone else, and why can't those bastards just leave us alone?

            He looked up.  He stood in front of the school gates.  It was nearly the end of lessons, they'd all be coming out.  Yeah.  Heading home, thinking they were so damn smart and so great.  Well, they weren't.  They were jerks, stupid fucking jerks who'd picked on Kai…

            The world rippled in the heat, like parts of it were dissolving.  And through the ripples he saw them, the rest of the gang, slinking out of the buildings.

            Even if he hadn't spoken to Kai, he'd have figured there was something wrong.  Kaneda was walking out in front, hands in his pockets, kicking up clouds of dust.  Tetsuo was off to the side, arms folded, mouth pinched with fury.  Everyone else was in the middle, looking at the other two, rolling their eyes, whispering.

            Whispering about me and him.

            Right.

            The anger pushed him forward, and made him yell.

            "Kaneda!"

            Kaneda looked up, squinted into the sun.  "Huh?  Yamagata –"

            "Yeah.  And you're dead."

            "What did I do now?"  Kaneda rubbed his blackened eye.  "I've had enough of people jumping on me –"

            "You jumped on him, you bastard, and you know it –"  And then he'd reached Kaneda, and then punched him, hard, and sent him flying backwards into the dust.

            Kaneda muttered something like "Oh, no, not again," and then, shaking his head, a line of blood starting to ooze from his nose, said, "Look, if this is about Kai, I didn't know he was gonna act like that –"

            "Like hell you didn't!"

            "I didn't!  You know, this may be hard for you to believe, but I'm actually on your side.  We're in the same gang, remember?"

            "If you're on our side, how come you called Kai a freak and made him feel like shit?  How's that being on our side?"

            Kaneda rubbed the blood off his face.  "I'm not acting like you're freaks.  I'm totally cool with it.  Honest.  I just –"

            "Don't fucking lie to me.  You're just saying that so I won't kill you.  Really you're too much of a wimp to know how to deal with it.  You can't deal with anything except a flat tyre on that junk heap of a bike."

            Kaneda's eyes narrowed.  He leapt to his feet.

            "Fine," he snarled.  "So I can't deal with it.  You know what?  I don't want to.  You're a pair of perverts and you make me sick."

            Tetsuo gasped, and he and the others turned to stare at Kaneda, who brushed the dust off his clothes, scowled, and said, "So, now what?  You can beat me senseless and you ain't changing my mind."

            Yamagata stared at him, feeling like he'd just run into a wall that had appeared out of nowhere.  He'd expected something bad, but – but not actually this. 

            You're not my friend any more…

            "So – what, then?" he said.  "You kicking me out?"

            Kaneda shrugged.  "I dunno.  I just…"  He swallowed.  "Yeah.  Fine.  You're out."

            "Kai as well?" Tetsuo said.  "But – they're like two of our best riders –"

            "Shut up!" Kaneda yelled at him.  "I'm the leader!  I say they're out, they're out!  I don't need you arguing!"

            Tetsuo stared at him a moment, then gritted his teeth, and turned his back, and stared down at his feet.

            "Don't worry 'bout it," Yamagata called to him.  "You lot've been getting real old for ages now.  I'll be glad to get out of here."
            He wasn't so angry now.  He just felt – felt like they'd ripped his heart out or something.  Shock.  This ain't really happening.  It's a joke.

            And yet it had to be happening, otherwise was the air so angry?  It scratched at his face, and it was heavy with heat, and he could feel the rage oozing through it. 

            But you guys are my friends…

            No.  Not now.

            He made himself start walking.  He could feel them watching.  Well, fuck them.  He wouldn't look round.  Why'd he care anyway?  He didn't need them.  They couldn't do nothing to him.

            But they're my friends…

            He walked out of the school gates, turned the corner.  The ground was hot through the soles of his shoes. 

            "Yamagata?"

            Footsteps, he looked round.  But it was only Tetsuo, and who needed him?

            "What?" he snapped.

            "I – I just…"  Tetsuo scowled.  "Just wanted to see…you know…"

            "Come to see how much I don't care?"

            "What're you gonna do now?"

            "I dunno.  Tell Kai.  Go down the Harukiya and celebrate being free."

            "I – I'm sorry."

            "Quit being a wimp.  You don't need to be sorry.  I ain't."

            Tetsuo kicked at the ground.  "Well…I just meant I thought it was unfair."

            "Thanks for the support," Yamagata said nastily.  "Now go back to your friends."

            "See you at the Harukiya later?"

            "Maybe.  Yeah.  Whatever."  Geez, why wouldn't Tetsuo just leave him alone?  He wanted to be on his own, wanted to – not to think about this.  No.  But whatever, being sociable to someone he was only kind of friends with was so not what he wanted to do.  "Now piss off."

            He didn't look back to see how Tetsuo reacted.  Instead he began to walk back to Kai's, his feet stinging as they brushed the sunburnt ground.

Suki tried not to trip over her high heels.  Running was hard enough without falling into the dust, and she was really pleased with her new skirt.  But this was important.  She'd just seen Yamagata heading out the gates, and maybe he was in a better mood now.  Maybe he'd talk to her again.  Maybe they could make up…

            She skidded to a halt at the gates, and looked round.  "Yamagata?  You here?"

            "Use your eyes, you dumb bitch.  Does he look like he's here?"

            She looked up, and saw that Tetsuo kid slumped against the wall.  His fists were clenched, and the skin was smeared with white patches like fat on bacon.

            "Fine," she said.  "Excuse me for not noticing him.  Where is he?"

            "Gone home."

            "Will he be around later?"

            "I dunno.  He's just been kicked out of the gang, he ain't anything to do with me."

            "What?"  Suki felt her mouth fall open.  "No way!  I've gotta find him…"  He might be needing comfort, and she was good at providing comfort.

            Tetsuo smirked.  "Well, he'll be at the Harukiya later tonight…but you mightn't want to bother looking.  He won't be interested in you."

            "Why not?"  Suki straightened up, sticking out her chest.  "I ain't that ugly."

            Tetsuo shook his head.  "No, but you got some problems.  I know his type, and his type ain't you."

            "Well – well, who is it then?"

            "You know Kai?"

            "Yeah."

            Tetsuo's smile widened, and he glanced up at the sun, which blazed on his face.  "That's his type."

            Suki frowned at him, trying to understand the comment – and then felt a sharp stab in her stomach as she put several pieces of a puzzle together.

            "Fuck!"

            She kicked the wall, and yelped as her varnished toes connected with the brick.

            Tetsuo laughed.  "See?  You may as well give up."

            "Are you telling me he's – all the time I – he's – Kai – oh, shit!"

            "It's a cruel world," Tetsuo muttered, and pushed himself off the wall, and slunk off down the street, his shadow stretching out behind him.

            Suki groaned, and felt tears gather behind her eyes.  Oh, shit…all that time…she must have looked so stupid!  Why couldn't anyone have told her?  Would it have hurt them that much?  Instead…wasting all that time trying to stick with him…

            She couldn't go home.  Hiroko and Ima were waiting, she'd told them she was going to track him down once and for all.  Now they'd be wanting all the news, and she'd have to…tell them…watch them giggle…so damn stupid…oh, shit!

            Home was one direction.

            She took the other, and rushed away, down to the derelict area.  The oil-smeared road and boarded-up shops blurred as the tears escaped her eyes and dragged her makeup down her face.  She heard herself start to howl, bit her lip, felt her lipstick smear itself over her teeth.  Oh, shit!

            Her legs were too tired, and her feet hurt from those stupid new high heels.  So she sat down on the steps of the disused bowling alley, and rested her face in her knees, and let the tears come.

Chip was bored, and he was also cross.  His face hurt – still – and he was sick of having a broken nose.  And he was sick of all the cracks the others kept making about him being beat up by a fag.  Joker was mad with him too.  Joker thought he shouldn't have been mashed up by one guy.  So Joker had told him to stay home and mind the Star Bowl while everyone else went out riding, or dealing, or other stuff.

            And the rat inside him was mad too, pacing and snapping at his weakness.  It wanted more pain.

            There was a faint sobbing sound, oozing through the sticky air.  At first he wondered if he was imagining it, but when he tried to think of another sound, it still hung around, so he figured it must be real.

            Hmm.  He got up, and walked over rotted bowling pins to the cracked entrance.

            There was a girl sitting on the front step, face buried in her hands.  He couldn't see much of her from this angle, just a pink dress which showed a large amount of back and shoulder, tangled red-brown hair, and a cute ass. 

            "Hey," he called.  "What's with you?"

            She jumped, turned round.  Yeah, she was pretty hot.  Finally, something good happening.

            "Oh, shit," she gasped, her face turning white.  "You're – you're a Clown – oh, hell –"

            "How'd you know?"  He fingered his bow tie.  "You go with bikers, then?"

            "I did until today," she spat.

            "What happened?"  He came to sit next to her. 

            She was crying again.  Burying her face in her legs, and sobbing out a long sentence which sounded to Chip like, "Fucking bastards…never told me…so damn stupid…everyone'll laugh…and I never guessed…and that freak…oh, shit!"

            "What?  Never told you what?  Some guy screwed around on you?"

            "I wish!  Then I could've won him back!  No, he's – he's – oh…"

            And she was off on the tears again.

            Chip put his arm round her.  Right round her, and her breast lay against his fingers soft and smooth as ice-cream. 

            "Come on," he said.  "You can tell me."

            "Really?"

            "Uh-huh."

            She sniffed.  "Well, I thought I liked this guy…and I thought he liked me…and he was avoiding me…and so I figured it was, I dunno…but then his friend told me, today.  It was all useless, because you know what?  I've been trying to get together with him, and – and he's gay!"

            And then she burst into tears again, and howled into his shirt.

            "Who is this guy, then?" Chip said, stroking her hair with one hand and her bra strap with the other.  "Would I know him?"

            "I think so…they've been fighting you guys for ages, only he's been kicked out now…"  She gulped, sat up a little.  "Well, I'm not chasing round after him any more.  I've had it with fucking men!  He can just go sit in the Harukiya on his own!  Or with his dumb dwarf boyfriend, I don't care, I don't care!"

            Chip felt a smirk bend itself over his face.  Yeah.  Come on, it had to be.  A biker in a gang they'd been fighting for ages…a gay guy with a dwarf boyfriend…it had to be. 

            "So…" he said, looking down at her, and wriggling closer, pressing himself against her curves.  "He's going to the Harukiya tonight, is he?"

            "That's what his friend said."

            "Cool."

            "Why?  You know him too?"

            "Uh…sort of."

            "But what am I gonna do?  They all thought I was gonna get him to go out with me and I haven't…I'm so dumb…"

            "So just get another boyfriend."

            "Yeah, right, like that'll happen."

            "Aw, don't worry.  Here, why don't you come inside, and tell me some more about your other guy?"

            "All right." 

            She sniffed, and stood up, wobbling on her stilettos, and followed Chip into the bowling alley.

It was twilight, and the fading sun rustled against the frayed curtains.  Kai leant back on the itchy, hard sofa and sighed. 

            "So…they really did kick us out," he said.

            "Kaneda kicked us out.  I don't think the others really care.  And I don't, either."

            "You don't?"  Kai twisted round to look at Yamagata, who was leaning forward, focusing on the silent, black-and-white TV screen.

            Yamagata didn't answer a moment.  Kai moved closer to him, leant his head against the other guy's shoulder. 

            "Well, maybe I kind of care," Yamagata said at last, slumping back against the sofa himself.  "But…there's nothing we can do, is there?  I don't wanna beg them, and they wouldn't listen anyway."

            "So…we're on our own."

            "We're on our own together," Yamagata said, putting an arm round him.  "Could be worse, huh?"

            "I guess."

            "You could try soundin' a little more like you meant it," Yamagata said, but there was a grin in his voice.  "Don't worry, okay?  It'll all be cool."

            Kai didn't answer.  He couldn't quite believe Yamagata on this one, but he knew the guy was right.  They did still have each other, which was a lot better than what they could have had.  Vegetating on a dingy couch in front of second-rate pre-evening TV was a lot better when you had someone else on the couch with you.  Especially when it was someone you could lean against.

            Of course everything would be cool.  His mind knew that.  It was the rest of him that didn't.

            "I promise," Yamagata continued.  "I'm gonna make it cool."

            "Yamagata the Great is on the case?"

            "Hell, yeah."

            Kai wriggled closer, drew his knees up to his body and let himself relax into Yamagata's shoulder and chest.  They were breathing together, slow, quiet, heavy in the stuffy, half-lit air.  This was nice.  This was peaceful.

            Yamagata kissed him, gently, nervously it felt.  He closed his eyes and relaxed into that too. 

            "Told you I'd make it cool," Yamagata whispered.

            Kai didn't answer, just kept his eyes closed and bathed in the warmth and shivering the kiss had made.

            "Kai?  You're all right…aren't you?"

            "Yeah…yeah, I'm fine.  No way am I gonna stop liking kissing."

            Because they hadn't kissed him.  They'd split his lips and cut his tongue and tried to crush his throat, but they hadn't kissed him, and he was glad – he was so glad – because that meant kissing was still something that belonged to him and Yamagata and no one else –

            "One day," he said, "one day I am going to be over all this, and, and then it won't need to be just kissing.  Okay?  One day.  I'm not gonna be like this all the time.  I'm not." 

            Please don't let me be –

            "With such a great guy as me hanging around?  Course you won't be.  Don't worry, we got time."

            "Over a week?  This a record for you?"

            Yamagata laughed.  Kai liked leaning against him when he laughed.  You didn't just hear the joy, you felt it, and that was nice. 

            Please don't let me be like this all the time.

            He wanted his mind to be normal again.  Why was it remembering things, why was it making him choke on them?  Why couldn't he just forget it all?

            One day.  Yeah.  One day he'd be lying against Yamagata and he wouldn't be thinking this is okay cos it's nothing like that –   

            Kai sighed, and half-stared at the flickering TV again.  Some pop singer, wailing silently from the screen. 

            He yawned.  Hadn't been getting enough sleep lately…his head was full of tiredness.  He shut his eyes again.  It was okay to sleep here.  He was safe.  Yamagata was stroking his hair.

"I'm not scared of you any more!" he was yelling.  It was the alleyway.  He'd come down there to confront it, they'd made him, and now he shouted.  But he wasn't scared.  He wasn't.  He wasn't, because Yamagata was standing next to him, and would always be there.

            "Your boyfriend's going to die!" Chip yelled.  "I saw that dream too!  It's gonna come true, and then you'll be all on your own and you won't be able to do anything!"

            "He's not going to die!  Nothing's gonna happen to him, he's going to be all right!"

            Chip laughed, and suddenly it was raining.  Kai cried out as the icy water covered him, freezing him…and there were shapes…shapes coming towards him…and he knew who they were…

            And he was alone.  Yamagata was gone.  He was dead.

            Kai screamed his name over and over again, but the rainwater filled his mouth and drowned him, and then the shapes reached him and and and –

            "Kai, wake up!"

            Someone was shaking him, and the rain had gone, it had gone away and it was warm in here, and the TV still flickered, and the last rays of sun slid along the dusty floor.

            "You were yelling my name," Yamagata observed from above him, "but it didn't sound like one of those dreams."

            "It wasn't."  Kai shuddered, and tried not to remember anything.  "It was bad."

            Your boyfriend's going to die…

            "You're all right, aren't you?" he asked.  "You're not ill.  You're not suicidal.  You're not anything.  There's nothing wrong with you and you're going to live to a ripe old age and die surrounded by grieving great-grandchildren."

            Yamagata frowned at him.  "Sure, I'm fine."  He snorted.  "I mean I really am, not your excuses.  I ain't ill, I ain't suicidal, and I'm cool with living to a ripe old age, only I don't know where I'll get the great-grandchildren from.  Why?"

            "Oh…no reason."
            "Kai!"

            "No, really!  I just…one time I had a dream and someone told me you were going to die, and…you know."

            "Hah, no dream's gonna kill me."

            But lots of other things could.  Kai swallowed. 

            "Don't worry about it," Yamagata said, glancing at his nervous face.  "Gettin' scared by a dream?  Dreams don't mean anything.  If they do, Kaneda really is a purple chicken."

            "You're weird," Kai said, absently, because he was repeating it to himself, over and over again…dreams don't mean anything…dreams don't mean anything…

            But those voices.  It seemed so long ago now.  Before…everything.  Far away, in the back of his mind, he tried to remember.  Suki racing him to school…and voices…childlike voices calling to him…Akira…

            You're going to be hurt and your boyfriend's going to die…

            "They knew," he whispered.  "That girl…she knew.  She knew."

            "Huh?  Knew what?"

            "They predicted it," Kai said, and he could hear his voice starting to shake, with anger or misery, he wasn't sure which.  "They told me I was gonna be hurt.  And haven't I been?  Haven't I been hurt more than anything else ever could've?  And then – then they said you were gonna die."

            "Coincidence."

            "It can't be."

            "Kai, it's coincidence!"

            "It was raining!  In the dream, it was raining!  Just like it did in real life!  And they said…they said you'd die and – one of the others would join them and…"

            "And how exactly am I gonna die?"  Yamagata snorted.  "I'm careful.  I'm a good rider, I won't get smashed on a bike.  The cops ain't gonna catch me, so I won't get knifed or nothing in stir.  I don't feel like slitting my wrists, I ain't sick, I can cross the road okay and I'm smart enough to get out if there's a fire.  What else could go wrong?"

            "I…"

            Kai stopped, and sighed.

            "I don't know," he said at last.  "I'm just scared, is all."

            "Don't be.  I'm here now, ain't I?"

            "Yeah."

            Yamagata reached for the remote control.

            "How many channels has this set got?"

            "Uh…two.  And one static one, and one that only works on Thursdays."

            "And nothin' interesting.  Okay."  Yamagata flicked the TV off.  "Hey, you know what?  We ain't ridden together since you lost your bike that time.  That's way too long ago."

            "Oh, yeah.  I guess we haven't."

            "Come on.  Let's go for a ride, go really, really far, and then come back for a quick drink at the Harukiya – if you're okay with that –"

            "I'll be fine."

            "And then go back to one of our places, and…chill.  Sounds good?"

            "Sounds great."  Kai stood up.  "Sure you can bear to get up off that sofa?"

            Yamagata leapt to his feet.  "Just watch me."

            He put an arm round Kai's shoulders, and they headed out of the room.

"You better be right about this," Joker muttered to Chip.  "If you ain't, we've wasted a whole evening and the Capsules are snatchin' the streets."

            "Well, that bitch said he'd be here."  Chip shrugged, and picked at a knothole on the bar.  "That's all I know."

            "He ain't here yet, is he?"    

            "He will be."

            Chip sighed, and tried to ignore the tight, nervous feeling in his stomach.  If that jerk didn't show, Joker would not be pleased.  And when Joker wasn't pleased, no one was pleased. 

            Not to mention Chip wouldn't get his revenge.  And this was a good set-up for revenge.  The Harukiya was filled with undercover Clowns, the barman had dozed off after drinking some specially mixed beer, and the other Capsules were nowhere to be seen.

            Joker sighed, and slurped the last of his drink.  "Chip, I'm gettin' real bored here.  Are ya –"

            Suddenly he stopped.

            "What is it?" Chip said.

            A broken-toothed smile crawled across Joker's face.  "Bikes."

            He pushed himself off the bar, and stepped into the shadows. 

            Chip ducked down as if to pick up something from the lower shelves, and listened as two pairs of feet clattered down the stairs.

            Let it be.  Please let it be them.

"That was…cool."

            Yamagata glanced at Kai, and was pleased.  The guy's face was glowing, windswept and normal and happy.  Yeah, happy.  He loved it when Kai was happy.

            "We could go back now, if you want," he said. 

            "Nah.  May as well get a drink or summat, right?"  Kai smiled.  "Anyway, nothing can bring me down now.  That was one of the best rides I ever did."

            They'd gone right through Neo-Tokyo, dodging through the gridlock, racing, weaving around each other, ridden right to the outskirts where people still slept at night, where the houses were dark and silent and trees clawed across the sky.  And then they'd stopped, and stood, staring up into the night, arms round each other, and then kissed, lips cold with night air.

            It had been good.

            "Okay, then," Yamagata said as they got to the bottom of the steps.  "Maybe we better act like – friends, though.  You dunno who's gonna be in there."

            "You think the guys will be?"

            Yamagata shrugged.  "Maybe, and for once I ain't in the mood for a fight."

            "Wow.  I must be having an effect."

            Yamagata pushed the door open, and stepped into the stuffy bar.  It seemed pretty quiet in there, so he figured business must be bad.  Oh well.  He was doing a public service by coming in, then.

            As he reached the bar, there was a scrabbling sound, and that Chip bastard rose up from behind it.  Yamagata heard Kai gasp, and clenched his fists.

            "Since when did you get to serve drinks?" he said.  "You're the bottle-washer here.  Or did you forget?"

            Chip scowled.  Yamagata felt smug as he noticed the other guy's bruises.

            "I'm covering," he said.  "So, what'll it be, guys?"

            "Nothing if you're giving it to us.  I wouldn't trust you not to put summat in it."

            Chip shrugged.  "I guess you're right.  I got all sorts of stuff here.  Stuff to make you high, stuff to bring you low, stuff to make you mad for it – you might want some of that for him."

            The world went very quiet.  Yamagata stepped right up to Chip and stared into his eyes, so angry he was surprised the other guy's pupils didn't burst into flames.

            "Which is meant to mean what?" he hissed.

            "Hey, I don't reckon you're getting any," Chip said sweetly.  "Your boyfriend looks like he'd faint at the idea."
            Yamagata really, really wanted to punch him again.  But no.  Kai was there, and they hadn't come to fight, they'd come to have a good time.  They were going to walk out.  No violence.

            "I'll pass, thanks," he said.  "Don't waste it on people who don't need it."

            "So what will you have, then?"

            "Nothing.  We're out of here."

            He turned away, back towards Kai, who was standing, shoulders hunched against the darkness, eyes quivering as he glanced nervously around them.

            Chip snorted.

            "Oh, no, you're not," he said.

            "Huh?"

            And shapes – darkened, slumped figures – rose up out of the chairs and from the shadows, and blocked the door, and stood, surrounding them, laughing.

            "Welcome to Clown Night," Chip said, calmly.  "We're gonna make you pay for what you did to me."

            Yamagata felt as though he was slowly being turned to ice.  Frozen with fear, and he couldn't move – couldn't think – he met Kai's eyes, Kai and his face was aching with terror – and that was the problem, wasn't it?  On his own there was only himself to worry about, but now there was Kai too and something bad was so gonna happen –

            "Get 'em, boys," another voice – the Clown's leader.

            The first punch – one of the shadows hit out, and Kai stumbled, clutching his face, and one of the others grabbed his arms, and flung him forward, onto the dusty ground, lying in the circle of Clowns.

            He didn't move, and Yamagata was pretty sure he knew why.  If he'd been scared enough by that fight with Kaneda, earlier, what would this be doing to him?  How could he fight back?  How could he?  How dare they?  How dare they make him like this?  How dare they wreck the evening like this?

            And the fury roared up and burnt through the ice, and as they charged towards him, he was able to try and fight back – he was able to crunch the faces of a few of them – but he couldn't take' em all out on his own – and then – then something hit him, hard, on the side of the head, and he fell back, and the dizziness made it too hard to get up…

Get me out of here –

            Kai tasted blood, warm and damp on his tongue.  They'd split the inside of his mouth when they'd punched him. 

            Get me out –

            So frightened.  Waves of it, breaking over him, and when it hit it was so strong he couldn't bear it. 

            Help me help me –

            And it was useless trying to tell himself the fear was crazy, because it wasn't.  The Clowns had got him and they would do it again, he knew it, and there was nothing he could do…

            Let me die, oh God please let me die…

            Except lie here, the floor cold and sticky against his skin, and listen, and wait –

            Except –

            Except it wasn't just him who was in trouble.  It wasn't just him…

            Yamagata.

            He raised his head, and squinted into the half-dark, and heard grunts, and the sound of fists hitting flesh –

            And then they let Yamagata fall, and he crumpled to the ground, and lay still, and Kai felt a scream stick in his throat.

            Footsteps, footsteps striding towards them.  Kai looked up, and made out Chip, standing above him, smirking.

            "What's it like down there?" he said.  "Dust tastes good?"

            Kai didn't want to answer, didn't want to look at him, just wanted to stay here and hope they left him alone, but of course, they wouldn't, they wouldn't…

            Chip shrugged and turned his attention to Yamagata, prodded him with a foot.

            "Looks like your buddy ain't so tough after all," he called to Kai.  "Sad, huh?  It would've been nice for him to wake up, then he could've watched us have fun with you."

            Kai gritted his teeth, and tried to ignore the second half of the sentence.

            "He's tough enough…" he gasped.  "He beat up you…only I guess you don't need to be tough to do that…"

            Chip flipped him off, then kicked Yamagata hard in the ribs.  Kai heard himself cry out, and then the sniggers of the Clowns, like the popping of flames.

            Stop it, stop it – but this wasn't him they were hurting – stop it – no, it was worse, it was worse because he should do something, he had to do something –

            The fear changed.  It was no longer heavy and holding him down, it was like ice-water in his blood, waking him up, hurting but helping him to think…

            There was no one else around – there was only him – and so –

            I'll hurt you, he thought at Chip as the Clown kicked at Yamagata again, and slowly, shifted position so that he could get up, slowly, slowly…

            Chip was saying stuff, but he was no longer listening.

            Yamagata groaned, his eyes flickered, shiny in his bruised, twisted face.

            "Cool, you're awake again…"

            The world shrank, to nothing but Chip, Yamagata and him –

            And as Chip started another kick, Kai pushed himself up off the ground and ran – grabbed Chip and slammed him hard onto the floor, and then, clutching Chip's panicked, taut throat, raised the Clown's head and smashed it into the floor, over and over again.  And he wasn't scared, not now.  He was just angry.

            Footsteps, heavy behind him, and then hands, grabbing his arms, wrenching him off, and someone smacked him round the face, and he felt more blood ooze down his chin.

            "Chip?" someone called.  "You okay down there?"

            There was silence.  Kai smiled from an aching mouth.

            "Aw, he ain't so tough after all?" he said.  "Breaks your heart, don't it?"

            "You little bastard –"  And then one of them socked him in the stomach, and he doubled over, the world jumping and twisting as the pain tore through him.

            "Kai…"

            Yamagata was struggling to stand, but he wasn't managing it.  Their eyes met, and Kai sighed.  We're really done for this time, he thought to Yamagata.  He wasn't scared any more – sort of dizzy, like when you got so tired you weren't tired any more, you'd got used to it.  The future was gonna involve a lot of pain, but that wasn't important – what was important was that they were going to hurt Yamagata too – and he didn't want that to happen – he really didn't –

            The door of the Harukiya burst open.

            "…and I'm telling you, I what the hell?"

            Kaneda, Tetsuo and the rest of the bikers gaped at the scene in front of them.

            "What's going on?" Tetsuo said, squinting into the darkness.  "Kai?  Yamagata…uh-oh…"

            "Looks like they've turned the Harukiya into a circus," Kaneda said, clenching his fists.  "Come on, guys."

            "But…Yamagata and Kai aren't in our gang any more," someone said.

            "Yeah, but…but…the Harukiya is our hang-out!"  Kaneda clenched his fists.  "And it's on our turf."

            "It's our hang-out now," a Clown said.

            "No way.  Now, you gonna get out, or are we gonna throw you out?"

            "Bring it on," Joker growled from the back of the room. 

            "No!"  One of the Clowns holding Kai.  "Look…we got your pal…you come a step closer…"  Kai felt someone grab the back of his neck, and winced as sharpness, coldness, caressed the side of his throat.  "You come any closer, I'll stick him…"

            The knife was shaking, tracing out swirling lines across Kai's skin.  He tried not to notice it.  But that wasn't exactly easy.  It was death, death touching him, and if it just bit, his life, his messy, screwed-up, too-short life, would spill out and ooze down his shirt…

            Did he want that?

            Not while Yamagata was still in trouble, no way –

            He'd done one thing good; Chip still lay silent.  He could do another – he was on a roll when it came to sticking up for himself.  He could do other things.  He could do anything – if they only didn't kill him –

            Kaneda was glowering.  Kai could see he was torn between rushing forward and beating the crap out of somebody, and not getting someone's throat slit. 

            And I'm not even in his gang, he thought.  And I'm a freak and a pervert and whatever else he said.  Why should he care?  It's the Harukiya he's fighting for…

            Please don't kill me, please please don't kill me…

            Yamagata

            "Come on," Tetsuo said to the Clowns.  "You don't need to do that.  You're scared we'll beat you?"

            "We ain't scared," Joker snarled.  "Come on, Kin, let go of him, I ain't scared of none of these punks."

            "He's hurt Chip!" yelled the guy with the knife.  "I ain't letting him get away with that!"

            "Oh, and like Chip was so innocent," Kai muttered.  "Excuse me for trying to stop him beating on someone else –"

            Sharpness bit into his face, and he heard Yamagata cry out.

            "Quit it!" Kaneda snapped.  "You touch him and we'll pulp you."

            Behind him, the largest Capsule tapped a broken fender against his palm.

            "You're trapped," Kaneda said, and his eyes were narrowed and he was tense with rage.  "We're gonna beat you whatever you do.  You make us mad, and we might just kill you."       

            Kai felt blood pulse up through the cut on his jawbone.  It was hot, and itched at his skin.  He wished they'd let go of him so he could rub it off.

            "Guys, out the back!" a Clown yelled from by the bar.  "Quick, we can get our bikes –"

            Clowns started running towards the exit that led out to the alley.  The two holding Kai let go of him, but then the one with the knife turned back – blade shiny in the dark –

            Kai dived, felt the knife scrape his forehead instead of his throat, kicked out and felt the guy topple.  The knife was thrown clattering across the dusty floor, both Kai and the Clown dived for it – Kai's fingers closed on the hilt as the Clown landed on top of him – he twisted as the other guy grabbed at his wrist and wrenched his fingers off the blade –

            "Gotcha!"

            The Clown sat up, grinning with triumph as he clutched the knife.

            "Now I'll make you sorry –"

            Kai punched him hard, and leapt to his feet as the Clown fell backwards.

            "Just get out," he snarled.  "Or are you scared of the rest of them?"

            "Fuck you –"

            "Or…help your friend…" Yamagata whispered, hooking a wobbly thumb at Chip.  "Help him before…before we fucking kill him…he ain't our…favourite guy…"

            The Clown swallowed, glanced from them to Chip, then – then shoved the knife back into his pocket, and grabbed Chip, hauling him to his feet, and dragged him out of the Harukiya.

            Kai waited until he heard the door shut, and then ran over to Yamagata.  "Are you all right?"

            "I'm…fine…"

            "That's my excuse and I'm wise to it."  He dropped down next to Yamagata, clutched his hand, hugged him, desperate suddenly to make it okay again, to help, to do something.   

            Outside there was a series of crashes, the roars of bikes, and someone yelling.  Kai figured the Capsules had gone round to the alley by the bar, met up with the Clowns, and started a good old-fashioned brawl.  Well, for once he'd stay out of it.  He had other fish to fry.

            "You all right?" Yamagata asked, pointing up to the cut on Kai's face. 

            "Yeah."

            "I – I thought…he'd kill you…"

            "I thought they were gonna kill you."  As Kai said it the fear suddenly shot back into his veins, icy cold, and he began to shiver.  "I thought…"

            He stopped.  He didn't want to say what he'd thought.

            "Hah…none of my girlfriends were ever this much trouble…"  Yamagata tried to push himself up into a sitting position, and winced.

            "It's the bike thing."  Kai put an arm round his shoulders.  "Can you stand?"

            "I'll get back to ya…"  Yamagata blinked.  "Kai…they, they were gonna do…bad stuff."

            "I know."

            "And, and if they had…I woulda had to…I dunno…do something…it's like – you know…"  He swallowed, and closed his eyes a moment.

            "You can tell me later, if you want," Kai said.  "You are sort of injured, you know."

            "No…Kai, listen.  You're…great, you know that?  You're really nice and, and you make me laugh, and you're smart, and you're cute, and…"  He shivered, drew his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them.  "Man…I feel dizzy."

            "Probably concussion.  Look, we should get you someplace safe…like a hospital –"

            "Just let me finish," Yamagata said sternly.  "This ain't…easy…I gotta find the words and my head feels all black and they're all in the dark…so zip it and let me finish…how long we being going out?"

            "About three weeks, I think." 

            "Yeah, well, that ain't really long…not stupid sappy-couple long…but you were my friend before, right, so it counts?"

            "Course it counts."  Kai stroked his back, gently.  "Cos that's when we found out all the basic stuff, like that we both think bikes are cool."

            "Yeah…well, I…really like you, is all.  That's what I wanted to say.  I really like you and…you know…"

            Kai felt a smile spread across his bruised, bleeding face, like sunlight, or butter, or gold. 

            "Thanks," he said.  "I…really like you too."

            "Good…uh…Kai?"

            "Mm?"

            "I think I need a new head…this one's seeing double…"

            "Come on.  Let's get you down to casualty."

            "I…don't do…hospitals…"

            "Tough.  You're not well."  He relished the words.  For once he was the strong one.

            "Look…I'm the one who…does the looking after…I'm the tall one…"

            "Then how come I, the shorter one, am the one who ain't dizzy?"

            "Ah, shut up…"

(To be continued – please r+r!)