(ANOTHER) WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY FIC: RUROUNI KENSHIN STYLE!!

(Written by Imbri, ideas by Vaporium, and general support by Crisium)

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Imbrium: G'night, folks, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway---the show where the contestants are screwed and the points aren't worth Kaoru's sword style!

Kaoru: I don't like you.

Imbrium: Right back at you, sweetheart. Now then, I am Imbrium Iridum, the host of this prestigious show. Joined with me are my brother, Vaporium, and my sister, Crisium. *They wave from backstage*

Saitou: Introduce us. Now.

Imbrium: *sweat drops* Ohhhhhkaaaay. Today's edition of Who's Line is the Evil Nemesis of the Past Show! Basically, we take the washed-up rejects of evil and make them do funny things for our morbid amusement! Wheeeeeee!

Crisium: HELLO! I AM THE ANNOUNCER! I AM HERE TO ANNOUNCE THINGS!

Imbrium: Yup. That covers it quite nicely. Crisi, who are our illustrious contestants for today's show??

Crisium: WELL, IMBRI, WE HAVE SEJUUROU HIKO, THE THIRTEENTH HUNKY DRUNK IN THE HITEN MITSURUGI RYUU LINE! *crowd cheers* SAITOU HAJIME, THE EVER- SMOKING SOLDIER OF AKU! *crowd boos....and then, thinks better of it at a very glaring Wolf.* SOUJIRO SETA, FONDLY KNOWN TO ALL OF US AS PROZAC BOY! *laughter, to which Soujiro's smile falters slightly, twitching at the corners* AND LAST, BUT MOST DEFINITELY NOT LEAST, HIMURA KENSHIN!! *silence. Crickets. Cicadas. More silence*

Kenshin: *with a big chibi question mark* Why is sessha here? Sessha is not evil, de gozaru yo!

Crisium: TELL THAT TO THE BATTOUSAI, HONEY.

Kenshin: o__0?

Imbrium: Anyway, let's go on to the show, ne? Our first game is Let's Make A Date! This is for all the contestants. Our lucky bachelor is Saitou---and the other three are the prospective dates. Each has been given a slip of paper with a socially-damning quirk.

*A small, though completely undisguised screech comes from Kenshin as he reads his paper. The audience roars with laughter*

Kenshin: Sessha cannot do this! Kaoru-dono would *GRAVELY* hurt sessha if he did this!

Imbrium: *smirking* And?

Soujiro: No backing out, Himura-san. Wait! Himura-san----NO RUNNING AWAY!

*Vaporium Iridum, the handy security guard, "escorts" Kenshin back to his seat. Much yelling and cursing is included in this endeavor from both participants*

Imbrium: *buzzes her snazzy buzzer thingie* Okay! Start the game!

Saitou: Contestant #1. State your name, and how many men you have killed.

Hiko: (Hiko had the fortune of drawing a slip that said: Drag Queen) My name is Aurora Crystallia, you sweet thing. *Audience gags, whilst Saitou twitches* And I haven't killed anything, except by my looks!

Kenshin: Shishou-sama, you look as if you're enjoying this, in some twisted way.

Hiko: *with a wink* Sure thing, sugar.

Saitou: *trying desperately to keep his composure* Hn, that's...nice. And what about you, Contestant #2?

Soujiro: (Soujiro, much to his own amusement, got a slip that said: Rabid Dog. He got to this act with a definite smirk) *foaming at the mouth* Grraaaaaaahhllllllmaaaaahhhhraaaaa!!!

Saitou: Try that once more?

Soujiro: *frothing with amazing gusto, running in circles on all fours, howling* ARRRRROOOUUUUUURRR!!!!

Saitou: Someone call animal control. The Tenken has snapped. Contestant #3, what's your name?

Kenshin: (You must have wondered why Kenshin rebelled so stoutly to this game. In truth, his devious little Slip of Doom had Stripper written on it. Poor Ken-san ^_^) H-hello.....sessha---er, m-my name is.....my name does not matter, in truth. *begins to undo gi, to uproarious applause and cheers* *Saitou's eyes bug. He lit another cigarette with twitching hands, turning away so that he did not have to see what was "going to happen"*

Saitou: So, what do you do for a living?

Kenshin: Currently, I am working on my hakama. The knot won't come undone. *slyly* Ya think you could help?

*Soujiro takes one look at the now-shirtless Kenshin and promptly passes out in all his rabid dog glory. Hiko blows him a kiss*

Imbrium: *buzzes desperately* STOP!! Guess who they are, Saitou-san!

Saitou: *twitching* Three swordsmen, horridly twisted.

Imbrium: Correct, but that's not the answer I was technically looking for.

Saitou: Hiko is a....girly thing. Soujiro has something biting in his pants. And Battousai has finally gone through puberty.

Imbrium: Once again, very correct, but I was looking for drag queen, rabid dog, and stripper. Twelve points for Hiko and Soujiro, and Kenshin can have as many points as he wants if he stops by my place after the show *winks*.

Kenshin: *blushes to about the shade of his hair, quickly wriggling back into his gi*

Crisium: AWWWWWW. I WANTED HIM TO LEAVE IT OFF!

Imbrium: Next game---Super Heroes! First, we have a commercial break.

Crisium: DO YOU FIND YOURSELF DISSAPOINTED IN COOKIES? DO YOU WANT A COOKIE WITH ROBUST FLAVOR, A SWEET TANG, AND ENOUGH SUGAR TO KILL A SMALL WHALE? THEN GET "ORO", THE MEJI'S FAVORITE SNACK COOKIE! WITH ITS CREAMY WHITE FILLING, CRUMBLY CHOCOLATE WAFER, AND SURPRISE RUROUNI IN THE BOX, "ORO" COOKIES WILL MAKE YOUR DAY! A SMILE GUARANTEED! AND NOW, BACK TO WHOSE LINE!!!

Imbrium: Hey, audience, give me some ideas for Soujiro, our first superhero!

(Prozac Boy! Captain Twitchy Mouth! Super Smiley! Tenken the Mighty!)

Imbrium: Captain Twitchy Mouth...it has a nice ring to it, ne? So then, Mr. Mouth, your problem is----what's their problem, audience?

(Prozac shortage! Cows are taking over the world! Oro is made illegal!)

Imbrium: Cows, men! It is the cows! Start---Saitou, you're the next one in.

*buzzer!*

Soujiro: Oh no! Cows are taking over the world, that they are! So I shall call my super hero friends, using my twitching mouth power! *Twitches. Saitou saunters over*

Saitou: I have arrived.

Soujiro: Ah! You have come, finally, um---Super..Squinty Eyes Man!

Saitou: *squints* And where are our comrades?

*Kenshin appears, looking slightly apprehensive*

Saitou: Finally, Scar-Faced-Transvestite-With-A-Bad-Taste-In-Kimonos-Man. I had thought you'd never arrive with that stupid scrap-heap sword of yours.

Kenshin: That is not fair, de gozaru yo!! You could have at least been a bit creative if you're going to insult sessha!

Saitou: *smirks* All right, Femme Lacky.

Kenshin: *eyes go slightly gold* Repeat that. Sessha dares you.

Saitou: *dancing* Femme Lacky, Femme Lacky, Femme Lacky!!

Soujiro: 0___0x Oh my.

Kenshin: *sticks out tongue* Ffffffppppthhhh!

Saitou: *rolls eyes* You're quite childish, Femme Lacky.

*Hiko enters. Kenshin tugs at his sleeve, looking tearful*

Kenshin: Shishou-sama, Saitou's being mean to sessha! Saitou is making fun of sessha's pretty hair and voice and---

Saitou: You forgot the gi. I was mocking your gi, as well.

Hiko: You have dishonored the highest (and only) student of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu. I'm afraid I'll have to kill you, now.

Saitou: Bring it, old man.

*Brawl ensues*

Soujiro: But what about the cows?

Imbrium: *buzzes* Ten points to---hey! Break it up, guys!

*Brawl continues on*

Imbrium: Vaporium, get 'em. I think we'll have to end the episode here.

Crisium: TUNE IN NEXT TIME, TO SEE SAITOU AND HIKO KILL THE SECURITY SQUAD, AND TO HEAR MORE SEMI-KENSHIN-BASHING!

Kenshin: Sessha hates you.

END CHAPTER 1

Imbrium: this is what happens when Imbri is bored and her brother asks her to write a Whose Line fic. I know it's been done---numerous times---but I still get a kick out of the overused humor. It's just me, but that's OK. Review, minna-san!

~The Iridum Family

(Imbrium, Vaporium, and Crisium)