Cauchemar 3: False Starts
By koaladeb
Disclaimer info in part 1
Monday morning, Calleigh woke up rested and determined. She was taking control of her life and moving in a direction that would bring her happiness. She got ready for work, choosing to pull her hair back in a ponytail, out of the way until she could figure out what to do with it. She took the packaged food over to a Crisis center near CSI and left smiling, feeling good about herself, and went into work with her head held high. Her good morning got even better when she entered the break room to discover someone had brought doughnuts to work for everyone. There was a note that said "Enjoy, H." Hmmm.he must have had a good weekend if he was in a good enough mood to buy everyone doughnuts, Calleigh thought. I wonder what.she stopped, reminding herself that it was none of her business and none of her concern. She picked out her favorite in the box, grabbed a cup of coffee and took a few minutes to sample both. As she walked out, Speed and Delko were coming in, laughing and comparing notes on the weekend, and they greeted Calleigh with smiles, which she gladly returned. "Hey there!" Speed said, "Looks like you had a restful weekend." "Yeah," added Eric, "Good to see you're back to normal. You were looking pretty worn down there the past couple weeks, all gray and stuff." "Jeez," Calleigh said dryly, "Way to be flattering. Good thing I'm not the type of girl who needs a lot of compliments. Tell me, Eric, does this outfit make me look fat?" "Whatever," he groused with a smile, "Just glad to see you're smiling again."
Calleigh grinned and walked out, going to the lab to check over Valera's reports from the weekend. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were better than previous weeks, more thorough and well-supported. Calleigh thought for a moment. Maybe she had been a little too hard on the new CSI. She certainly had showed up at a time when Calleigh wasn't feeling the most welcoming, and maybe her work had provided an excuse to talk to Horatio when Calleigh had begun feeling cast aside. She would make sure to say something positive about Valera's work and get to know the young woman better. New day, new friend, and.oops, she had left her magazines in the break room. If the guys found them she'd never hear the end of it. Bullet Girl reading glamour magazines? She couldn't buy them better ammunition. Calleigh grimaced, grabbed her coffee and headed back upstairs.
Sure enough, Calleigh heard laughter as she entered the break room. Eric and Speed were holding one of the magazines she had purchased, pointing at the models and joking around. "Give that back," Calleigh demanded with a note of resignation.
"Not just yet," Speed replied, "First I want to know why you earmarked these pages." He turned the magazine around and Calleigh saw the picture he was referring to. The model was in an unidentifiable position, holding up some new computer gadget and looking quite ridiculous. Calleigh had marked the page because of the model's hair, which was a shorter, curlier version of her own current style.
Calleigh sighed, sure that their contrived explanations were more damaging than the truth at this point. "It's really none of your business, but if you must know, I've decided to change my hair and was looking for ideas," she stated. Both men froze, disbelief written clearly across their faces. Calleigh reached out and grabbed the magazine from Speed's hands before he could drop it and picked up the one on the table as well. "So dump whatever strange explanation you came up with and get to work." They didn't move, frozen while they tried to process the information. Calleigh walked over to top off her coffee, amused at the shock still present on her coworker's faces. "And close your mouths. You look like fish."
Suddenly, Calleigh heard a voice that she wasn't prepared for break into the conversation. "You heard the lady, jaws off the floor." It was Horatio, of course. And he sounded rested and happy. He must have had quite the weekend with Yelina, Calleigh thought bitterly before steadying her nerves and turning around. Horatio was still looking at Eric and Tim, who were trying to speak and making broad gestures with their hands. Calleigh took a second to examine Horatio's face and thought to herself that the amused grin went well with the relaxed set of his body. He was wearing a dark blue shirt and it set off the friendly spark in his eyes as he turned his gaze toward Calleigh. His grin became an outright smile. "What did you say that turned these two into mimes?"
Calleigh couldn't stop her response to Horatio's smile. The corners of her mouth turned in mischief up as she waited to see what would happen next. She had never guessed that Eric and Speed would have such strong reactions to her announcement. It made her wonder what Horatio's reaction would be to the news. "I was just telling them that I'm changing my hair, maybe cutting it, perming it, or at least doing something different. I don't see why it's such a big deal."
While Horatio's reaction was more controlled, Calleigh was surprised at the carnival of emotions that went through his eyes in a moment's time. There was a glimmer of surprise, replaced quickly by curiosity and then the briefest hint of disappointment, all of which were supplanted a moment later with by a thoughtful, evaluating stare. It was as though he were trying to read her very soul. Calleigh felt her smile disappear. She recognized the look-she had seen it often enough when it was turned on a suspect, evaluating every word said and every thought that remained unspoken. Well, she was not some puzzle for him to solve. This was one book that was going to remain closed, even to the great Horatio Caine. Horatio leaned back a little on his feet, his hands coming up to rest on his waist, his eyes taking in Calleigh's guarded look. "I must say, I can see why they'd be struck speechless," he commented slowly, "It would be quite a change. May I ask what prompted this sudden desire to change your hair?" He waited for an answer, as did Eric and Speed, who had turned curious looks in Calleigh's direction.
Calleigh was careful not to let her emotions show as she considered her reply. She needed to keep things light and not let him see that his perception had unnerved her. Calling on her mental faculties and Southern charm, Calleigh gave all three men an enigmatic look and answered simply, "A woman's prerogative. It's time for a change."
Eric and Speed shook their heads and walked out the door, making comments about women's fickleness and their obsession with hair, but Horatio stood quietly, weighing Calleigh's response against his knowledge of the woman in front of him, his only outward response being the slight lifting of one of his eyebrows. He knew there was something more that she wasn't saying. Knew that her flippant remarks had been covering up a deeper motive. She would never change her hair on a whim. There was always a reason behind everything that Calleigh did, especially when it regarded her physical person. There was a cause somewhere, and Horatio was looking for it, searching her face for a better answer.
Calleigh tore her eyes away from Horatio's penetrating stare, decided that it was time to make a graceful exit. She moved to follow the guys out the door but was stopped by his hand resting on her arm before she could make her escape. Calleigh suddenly felt surrounded by Horatio's presence, his cologne making her mind fuzzy even as a bolt of awareness surged through her being at the feel of his hand on her arm. His voice added to the assault on her senses-she could feel the vibrations of the sound waves on the back of her neck even as her brain took in the words. "There's more to this then you're letting on. What aren't you telling me?" Horatio asked. Calleigh spun around and looked at Horatio, who met her unnerved stare with calm conviction and a hint of challenge. His eyes bored into hers, demanding a complete answer. Calleigh forced herself to give away nothing, shaking her head slightly and meeting his stare with silence. A slight frown crossed his lips as he realized that she wouldn't respond. He released her arm, moving his hand to touch a strand of her hair that had come loose from her ponytail holder. "What a shame," he said, so quietly that Calleigh would have doubted he said anything at all except for the fact that she had seen his lips move.
Horatio dropped his hand and turned around, heading for the coffee maker. Calleigh considered making a comment, changing the subject, anything to maintain contact that he had initiated. She stopped herself as her mouth opened, though. Nothing could be said after shutting him out as she had. Distance she thought to herself. If he's decided to close the gap between up again, it will have to be me that makes sure it stays in place. It's for the best. She turned around and quietly left the room.
Horatio poured his coffee, expecting Calleigh to make a response. She would demand an explanation of his comment, they would talk, and she would open up about what was going on. When the silence continued, he turned back around. He was surprised to see that Calleigh had disappeared completely. He frowned, a little disappointed that their conversation had ended so quickly. It was not like her to shut him out, or to just leave like that. Then again, he had done the same thing more times that he could count in the last couple of months. He sighed, realizing how much damage he had done with his preoccupied attitude. He shouldn't have expected everything to revert back to normal just because he was back to his old self again. Maybe the whole conversation had been ill-advised. He had been walking by when he overheard Calleigh talking to Delko and Speed and, on an impulse, jumped at the opportunity to do some bridge-mending with his staff. Make a couple jokes, allow his interest and curiosity to show, and make forward progress in his quest to reestablish his relationships with everyone. He should have known that it would take more than some doughnuts and a single conversation to get things back to normal, not that their conversation had been normal. There was something more going on with Calleigh than a "woman's prerogative." What had she meant by "It's time for a change?" Part of him couldn't believe he had pushed her on the subject after she had made it clear the subject was not open for discussion, but he had felt something almost like betrayal when she had refused to share with him the real reason behind her sudden need for a change.
You handled that badly, he reprimanded himself, shaking his head. He had no right to voice his opinion on what Calleigh should do with her hair, let alone question her motives. His actions had been inappropriate. He had acted like.well, it wasn't a boss, coworker, or friend. But he hadn't been able to stop the comment from escaping his lips, hadn't been able to fight his desire to be included in this kind of personal decision, hadn't been able to resist the need to touch her hair. I thought it would be soft, he thought, but I had no idea it would be so.so.he didn't have words for it. He admitted to himself that he had wondered what it would feel like to run his fingers thorough the silky strands, and this time, he jumped at his chance before it was gone forever. What a dumb thing to do. He refocused his thoughts on Calleigh's strange silence in the face of his request, no, demand, for more information. Was there something going on with her that he didn't know about? What could Calleigh possibly want to change in her life that would prompt her to cut her hair? He thought back to a conversation they had shared when Calleigh had first come to Miami. They were working on a case in the middle of August, on a day that was particularly humid and the temperature was in the high 90s. He marveled at how comfortable she looked with her hair loose, cascading down her back like it was an extension of the ray of summer sunlight that was lighting her up like a vision. He remembered thinking to himself that even though it was the most stunning sight he had ever seen, the weight of it must be uncomfortable. A river of liquid sunshine.Horatio smiled again at the memory. He had asked her whether she ever considered cutting it, and her response had been both quick and decisive.
"No way in hell." She had said. "Why not?" he had asked, surprised at her vehemence. "I'm not talking about changing the color or anything drastic, just a little trim. Wouldn't it make days like today easier to handle?" "You forget where I come from," Calleigh had replied, softening the reprimand with a smile. "The heat and humidity don't bother me in the least. And I don't want to cut my hair. This is me."
He had dropped the conversation, but her simple reply had intrigued him-it was so.Calleigh. Confident, self-aware, and not afraid show it. He pieced together fragments of conversations, trying to find a pattern out of the pieces, trying to fill out more of the shadowed outline that was Calleigh Duquesne. She had told him once that she would get a manicure or pedicure from time to time, celebrating personal victories or redirecting disappointment. Horatio had come to know that changes in Calleigh's physical appearance were connected to her emotions and her perception of herself. He knew that an extremely personal event had prompted the tattoo. He was yet to discover what that event was. He knew that her current hairstyle was started when she went to work in the New Orleans. Something big had happened if Calleigh was thinking about changing her hair. He wondered if she would trust him enough to talk to him about what was going on, but considering her quick departure just now, he doubted it.
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Calleigh paused in the hallway, leaning against the wall and reviewing the conversation in her mind. Why had he said that? "What a shame." What did that mean? Was it about her hair? Or the fact that she had barricaded her heart and mind and refused to let him in? She stopped herself before she could replay in her mind the look in his eyes when he ran the strand of her hair through his fingers. She wouldn't let herself dwell on what his actions and comments might mean, she allowed herself to take them only at face value. If Horatio had a problem with her cutting her hair, it was his problem. In fact, she was more determined then ever to change it. It would be her way of declaring herself independent from planning her life according to what might make Horatio pay more attention to her. And if his problem was with the distance she had placed between them, then it was about time for him to get a taste of his own medicine. She pushed off from the wall, continuing to the lab with determination in her stride, deciding that their first interview had gone well, all things considered. She couldn't help but make an observation to herself, though, that the tableaux was reminiscent of how Horatio acted before he had started dating Yelina. There was an element of friendship and camaraderie displayed by him that had been sorely lacking in the precious weeks. It was probably just a fluke, no use wondering if they had split up or. "Focus," Calleigh said to herself. Obsessing about Horatio's actions and love life was no way to proceed on her new path. His opinion meant nothing.
Monday morning, Calleigh woke up rested and determined. She was taking control of her life and moving in a direction that would bring her happiness. She got ready for work, choosing to pull her hair back in a ponytail, out of the way until she could figure out what to do with it. She took the packaged food over to a Crisis center near CSI and left smiling, feeling good about herself, and went into work with her head held high. Her good morning got even better when she entered the break room to discover someone had brought doughnuts to work for everyone. There was a note that said "Enjoy, H." Hmmm.he must have had a good weekend if he was in a good enough mood to buy everyone doughnuts, Calleigh thought. I wonder what.she stopped, reminding herself that it was none of her business and none of her concern. She picked out her favorite in the box, grabbed a cup of coffee and took a few minutes to sample both. As she walked out, Speed and Delko were coming in, laughing and comparing notes on the weekend, and they greeted Calleigh with smiles, which she gladly returned. "Hey there!" Speed said, "Looks like you had a restful weekend." "Yeah," added Eric, "Good to see you're back to normal. You were looking pretty worn down there the past couple weeks, all gray and stuff." "Jeez," Calleigh said dryly, "Way to be flattering. Good thing I'm not the type of girl who needs a lot of compliments. Tell me, Eric, does this outfit make me look fat?" "Whatever," he groused with a smile, "Just glad to see you're smiling again."
Calleigh grinned and walked out, going to the lab to check over Valera's reports from the weekend. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were better than previous weeks, more thorough and well-supported. Calleigh thought for a moment. Maybe she had been a little too hard on the new CSI. She certainly had showed up at a time when Calleigh wasn't feeling the most welcoming, and maybe her work had provided an excuse to talk to Horatio when Calleigh had begun feeling cast aside. She would make sure to say something positive about Valera's work and get to know the young woman better. New day, new friend, and.oops, she had left her magazines in the break room. If the guys found them she'd never hear the end of it. Bullet Girl reading glamour magazines? She couldn't buy them better ammunition. Calleigh grimaced, grabbed her coffee and headed back upstairs.
Sure enough, Calleigh heard laughter as she entered the break room. Eric and Speed were holding one of the magazines she had purchased, pointing at the models and joking around. "Give that back," Calleigh demanded with a note of resignation.
"Not just yet," Speed replied, "First I want to know why you earmarked these pages." He turned the magazine around and Calleigh saw the picture he was referring to. The model was in an unidentifiable position, holding up some new computer gadget and looking quite ridiculous. Calleigh had marked the page because of the model's hair, which was a shorter, curlier version of her own current style.
Calleigh sighed, sure that their contrived explanations were more damaging than the truth at this point. "It's really none of your business, but if you must know, I've decided to change my hair and was looking for ideas," she stated. Both men froze, disbelief written clearly across their faces. Calleigh reached out and grabbed the magazine from Speed's hands before he could drop it and picked up the one on the table as well. "So dump whatever strange explanation you came up with and get to work." They didn't move, frozen while they tried to process the information. Calleigh walked over to top off her coffee, amused at the shock still present on her coworker's faces. "And close your mouths. You look like fish."
Suddenly, Calleigh heard a voice that she wasn't prepared for break into the conversation. "You heard the lady, jaws off the floor." It was Horatio, of course. And he sounded rested and happy. He must have had quite the weekend with Yelina, Calleigh thought bitterly before steadying her nerves and turning around. Horatio was still looking at Eric and Tim, who were trying to speak and making broad gestures with their hands. Calleigh took a second to examine Horatio's face and thought to herself that the amused grin went well with the relaxed set of his body. He was wearing a dark blue shirt and it set off the friendly spark in his eyes as he turned his gaze toward Calleigh. His grin became an outright smile. "What did you say that turned these two into mimes?"
Calleigh couldn't stop her response to Horatio's smile. The corners of her mouth turned in mischief up as she waited to see what would happen next. She had never guessed that Eric and Speed would have such strong reactions to her announcement. It made her wonder what Horatio's reaction would be to the news. "I was just telling them that I'm changing my hair, maybe cutting it, perming it, or at least doing something different. I don't see why it's such a big deal."
While Horatio's reaction was more controlled, Calleigh was surprised at the carnival of emotions that went through his eyes in a moment's time. There was a glimmer of surprise, replaced quickly by curiosity and then the briefest hint of disappointment, all of which were supplanted a moment later with by a thoughtful, evaluating stare. It was as though he were trying to read her very soul. Calleigh felt her smile disappear. She recognized the look-she had seen it often enough when it was turned on a suspect, evaluating every word said and every thought that remained unspoken. Well, she was not some puzzle for him to solve. This was one book that was going to remain closed, even to the great Horatio Caine. Horatio leaned back a little on his feet, his hands coming up to rest on his waist, his eyes taking in Calleigh's guarded look. "I must say, I can see why they'd be struck speechless," he commented slowly, "It would be quite a change. May I ask what prompted this sudden desire to change your hair?" He waited for an answer, as did Eric and Speed, who had turned curious looks in Calleigh's direction.
Calleigh was careful not to let her emotions show as she considered her reply. She needed to keep things light and not let him see that his perception had unnerved her. Calling on her mental faculties and Southern charm, Calleigh gave all three men an enigmatic look and answered simply, "A woman's prerogative. It's time for a change."
Eric and Speed shook their heads and walked out the door, making comments about women's fickleness and their obsession with hair, but Horatio stood quietly, weighing Calleigh's response against his knowledge of the woman in front of him, his only outward response being the slight lifting of one of his eyebrows. He knew there was something more that she wasn't saying. Knew that her flippant remarks had been covering up a deeper motive. She would never change her hair on a whim. There was always a reason behind everything that Calleigh did, especially when it regarded her physical person. There was a cause somewhere, and Horatio was looking for it, searching her face for a better answer.
Calleigh tore her eyes away from Horatio's penetrating stare, decided that it was time to make a graceful exit. She moved to follow the guys out the door but was stopped by his hand resting on her arm before she could make her escape. Calleigh suddenly felt surrounded by Horatio's presence, his cologne making her mind fuzzy even as a bolt of awareness surged through her being at the feel of his hand on her arm. His voice added to the assault on her senses-she could feel the vibrations of the sound waves on the back of her neck even as her brain took in the words. "There's more to this then you're letting on. What aren't you telling me?" Horatio asked. Calleigh spun around and looked at Horatio, who met her unnerved stare with calm conviction and a hint of challenge. His eyes bored into hers, demanding a complete answer. Calleigh forced herself to give away nothing, shaking her head slightly and meeting his stare with silence. A slight frown crossed his lips as he realized that she wouldn't respond. He released her arm, moving his hand to touch a strand of her hair that had come loose from her ponytail holder. "What a shame," he said, so quietly that Calleigh would have doubted he said anything at all except for the fact that she had seen his lips move.
Horatio dropped his hand and turned around, heading for the coffee maker. Calleigh considered making a comment, changing the subject, anything to maintain contact that he had initiated. She stopped herself as her mouth opened, though. Nothing could be said after shutting him out as she had. Distance she thought to herself. If he's decided to close the gap between up again, it will have to be me that makes sure it stays in place. It's for the best. She turned around and quietly left the room.
Horatio poured his coffee, expecting Calleigh to make a response. She would demand an explanation of his comment, they would talk, and she would open up about what was going on. When the silence continued, he turned back around. He was surprised to see that Calleigh had disappeared completely. He frowned, a little disappointed that their conversation had ended so quickly. It was not like her to shut him out, or to just leave like that. Then again, he had done the same thing more times that he could count in the last couple of months. He sighed, realizing how much damage he had done with his preoccupied attitude. He shouldn't have expected everything to revert back to normal just because he was back to his old self again. Maybe the whole conversation had been ill-advised. He had been walking by when he overheard Calleigh talking to Delko and Speed and, on an impulse, jumped at the opportunity to do some bridge-mending with his staff. Make a couple jokes, allow his interest and curiosity to show, and make forward progress in his quest to reestablish his relationships with everyone. He should have known that it would take more than some doughnuts and a single conversation to get things back to normal, not that their conversation had been normal. There was something more going on with Calleigh than a "woman's prerogative." What had she meant by "It's time for a change?" Part of him couldn't believe he had pushed her on the subject after she had made it clear the subject was not open for discussion, but he had felt something almost like betrayal when she had refused to share with him the real reason behind her sudden need for a change.
You handled that badly, he reprimanded himself, shaking his head. He had no right to voice his opinion on what Calleigh should do with her hair, let alone question her motives. His actions had been inappropriate. He had acted like.well, it wasn't a boss, coworker, or friend. But he hadn't been able to stop the comment from escaping his lips, hadn't been able to fight his desire to be included in this kind of personal decision, hadn't been able to resist the need to touch her hair. I thought it would be soft, he thought, but I had no idea it would be so.so.he didn't have words for it. He admitted to himself that he had wondered what it would feel like to run his fingers thorough the silky strands, and this time, he jumped at his chance before it was gone forever. What a dumb thing to do. He refocused his thoughts on Calleigh's strange silence in the face of his request, no, demand, for more information. Was there something going on with her that he didn't know about? What could Calleigh possibly want to change in her life that would prompt her to cut her hair? He thought back to a conversation they had shared when Calleigh had first come to Miami. They were working on a case in the middle of August, on a day that was particularly humid and the temperature was in the high 90s. He marveled at how comfortable she looked with her hair loose, cascading down her back like it was an extension of the ray of summer sunlight that was lighting her up like a vision. He remembered thinking to himself that even though it was the most stunning sight he had ever seen, the weight of it must be uncomfortable. A river of liquid sunshine.Horatio smiled again at the memory. He had asked her whether she ever considered cutting it, and her response had been both quick and decisive.
"No way in hell." She had said. "Why not?" he had asked, surprised at her vehemence. "I'm not talking about changing the color or anything drastic, just a little trim. Wouldn't it make days like today easier to handle?" "You forget where I come from," Calleigh had replied, softening the reprimand with a smile. "The heat and humidity don't bother me in the least. And I don't want to cut my hair. This is me."
He had dropped the conversation, but her simple reply had intrigued him-it was so.Calleigh. Confident, self-aware, and not afraid show it. He pieced together fragments of conversations, trying to find a pattern out of the pieces, trying to fill out more of the shadowed outline that was Calleigh Duquesne. She had told him once that she would get a manicure or pedicure from time to time, celebrating personal victories or redirecting disappointment. Horatio had come to know that changes in Calleigh's physical appearance were connected to her emotions and her perception of herself. He knew that an extremely personal event had prompted the tattoo. He was yet to discover what that event was. He knew that her current hairstyle was started when she went to work in the New Orleans. Something big had happened if Calleigh was thinking about changing her hair. He wondered if she would trust him enough to talk to him about what was going on, but considering her quick departure just now, he doubted it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Calleigh paused in the hallway, leaning against the wall and reviewing the conversation in her mind. Why had he said that? "What a shame." What did that mean? Was it about her hair? Or the fact that she had barricaded her heart and mind and refused to let him in? She stopped herself before she could replay in her mind the look in his eyes when he ran the strand of her hair through his fingers. She wouldn't let herself dwell on what his actions and comments might mean, she allowed herself to take them only at face value. If Horatio had a problem with her cutting her hair, it was his problem. In fact, she was more determined then ever to change it. It would be her way of declaring herself independent from planning her life according to what might make Horatio pay more attention to her. And if his problem was with the distance she had placed between them, then it was about time for him to get a taste of his own medicine. She pushed off from the wall, continuing to the lab with determination in her stride, deciding that their first interview had gone well, all things considered. She couldn't help but make an observation to herself, though, that the tableaux was reminiscent of how Horatio acted before he had started dating Yelina. There was an element of friendship and camaraderie displayed by him that had been sorely lacking in the precious weeks. It was probably just a fluke, no use wondering if they had split up or. "Focus," Calleigh said to herself. Obsessing about Horatio's actions and love life was no way to proceed on her new path. His opinion meant nothing.
