Disclaimer and Spoilers: See Chapter 1
A/N: Wow, I'm so honored. So many reviews for just one chapter. Now I'm officially addicted. :-)
And here is the next chapter. A little less fluff, but still no action.
Thanks again to Kasman for being my beta in the middle of the VS3 chaos.
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2. NEW FRIENDSWhen Logan had finished cooking dinner, they sat down at the kitchen table and ate in silence.
He's so cute. Always cooking dinner and everything. Just wish he'd talk a little more. I know it was forced when he started talking about skiing this afternoon, but it was at least a try. Now it's back to silence. And I hate this silence. I want him to talk to me. I miss our talks. I miss the way he used to look at me. I miss the look in his eyes. Everything's become so difficult since...well, since that day, Max thought. I don't know what to do about it. Is it right to make him talk? But with his moods? I think he'd kill me sooner rather than later.
Logan's thoughts were spinning too. I wish we weren't here. Right now I wish I didn't have to sit here with her and eat with her, when I'm in this bad mood. If I myself know that I'm in a bad mood, this has to be REALLY bad. But what am I supposed to do? I can't pretend nothing has happened. I wish it could, but it's just not true. I'm back in this chair and we are back to square one. No more flirting, no more closeness...it's all over. My chance has passed and I have to accept that. But I can't. Not now. Not when she's sitting here in front of me, sexy as always, and eating dinner. I'll never be more than her meal ticket. I just wonder what she's doing here with me. Why did she force me on this trip? Is this just out of pity? Or is she just afraid of losing her meal ticket?
When they had finished eating Max insisted on doing the washing up and sent Logan to the living room, where she found him staring in the fire when she came to join him.
"You're up for a game of chess?" she asked. "There's a chess set on the sideboard."
Logan shrugged. "Sure, why not."
"Doesn't sound very enthusiastic," Max said, standing in front of the closet.
"I'm just not sure if I'm ready to lose once again," Logan admitted.
Max hesitated, well knowing that she'd beaten him every single time they'd played chess before. What am I supposed to tell him? That I'm going to let him win? That we better play something different? Or nothing at all?
"You're not going to lose, I promise," she smiled, her eyes betraying the humor.
But Logan didn't look her into the eyes.
Is she telling me that she's going to lose? She must be kidding. She must think I don't have any pride at all. I can't believe it. Logan thought, getting really angry. I came here with her, I went on this stupid walk with her, I cooked her dinner and now she's expecting me to let her let me win a game of chess? That is stupid. She has never lost a game of chess. Never. Her life seems so perfect. She's got all you could wish for. She's got beauty and grace, she's STANDING there and looking at me. I can't stand it any longer.
"Yeah, like you would know what it means to lose at all," he shot at her. "Have you ever lost, Max? Do you know what it means to lose all hope? What it means not looking forward to what the future might hold for you?"
"What?" she asked back. "Are you kidding?" Who is this man? Obviously not Logan Cale, 'cause Logan Cale knows about me and my childhood. He knows about my life. He knows that my past is still haunting me. He knows that I live from day to day and don't have the strength to really think about a future.
"No, I'm serious. Just look into the mirror. You're all everybody wants to be and have everything everybody wants to have. You're smart, clever, tough and incredibly beautiful. You care, you love, you have friends who love you back, you have everything you need to look forward to, whatever happens."
Logan bit on his lower lip. "You gave me back my life and you took it away again. You don't know what it means to lose hope and to have to look into a future that's not sunny and bright but dark and lonesome. You just don't know." He was furious. Angry, furious and frustrated. "You walk into my apartment and tell me that it's gonna be okay. But it's never gonna be okay. 'Cause I'm not you. In my life, not everything's fine and no wonderful future is waiting for me. I hardly know how to get from day to day." He was sure that he was right. Max didn't know what it meant not to know what the future held. What it meant to give up the hope of walking again. From his point of view she had everything she needed to be happy.
Max stared at him, speechless. It is Logan and he's serious. He must have lost his mind. It took her a moment to be able to find the words, but then she had her comeback. "You are kidding, Logan Cale. Yeah, you're right, I don't know what it means to face a dark and lonesome future." She snorted ironically. "And yeah, you're right, I have friends, thank God for them. I have them now. Now that I'm grown up. My childhood was hell, without any hope at all. I didn't have parents, I had a unit. I had techs and commanding officers to torture me when I was a kid. They broke my bones to see how fast they'd heal. I wasn't trying to be funny when I told you about Vertes.
"Manticore was hell, Logan. And after we escaped I thought there was a chance for me to be happy, 'cause then I had foster families, but I didn't stay long with any of them. Because I just couldn't stand it. There was fighting and hitting and even rape. So I ran away. Again and again. You're right Logan, your view into the future might not be as bright as it used to be, but I'd take your childhood without thinking a second about it. Just think of the many happy years you've had in your life, and the few I've had. And yeah, I consider the last two or three years happy ones. With my past, in the persona of Lydecker and the Reds, right on my tail, with a brother who's telling me to give up everything I have, and with so-called friends who pretend to understand but who obviously don't know me and my life at all. But live your dream. If you can't face reality, stay in your dream world and pretend that you're the most unfortunate person on the planet. I'm outta here."
Her tone had risen with every word until she'd almost shouted the last. She stood up and stormed out of the cabin, only slipping on her shoes and grabbing her jacket from the wardrobe. He's crazy. He's obviously crazy. I can understand that he's having a hard time being back in the chair, but that was too much. Telling me that I'm the fortunate one? He must have lost his mind. Great idea to bring him here. Yeah, you've outdone yourself, Max. Tomorrow we'll go back to Seattle and he'll never speak a word with you again. Great.
Her thoughts kept spinning. Still angry at Logan there was the fear of having lost him, of maybe having been too rude or too aggressive to apologize. She walked around in the dark cold night, knowing that sooner or later she'd have to return to the cabin, but for now she was delaying that moment.
Logan still stared at the door she'd just slammed after her. He breathed deeply, trying to understand what had just happened, and slowly, very slowly, reality sunk in. When he looked at Max, he always saw a beautiful young woman, strong, healthy and with everything he wanted to have. With legs just fine, with friends who cared and with a job she liked, even though she was always complaining.
But what he never saw when he looked at Max, was her dark side. Her dark past, the horrible things she'd gone through, the guilt and the helplessness she had felt all her life. He never saw all those things in her, but that didn't mean they weren't there. It just meant that he was one-sided, that he was over emphasizing her positive aspects and forgetting about her negative ones. Well, not her negative aspects but the negative things that had happened in her life. Now she really had to think that he didn't know her at all. That he had pretended to understand and to know her, but that he didn't. It wasn't that he didn't know, it just wasn't important for him. It had never been important. I hope she's coming back, he prayed. I hope she's coming back and it's not too late to apologize. She didn't deserve that.
In the meantime, Max entered a small bar. Like everything in this town, it wasn't big, but neat and tidy. The bartender was friendly and she ordered a beer, sitting down on a stool at the bar. She was still lost in her thoughts when a guy at the table behind her, who'd just come in, ordered a huge glass of water. Not looking at him, she wondered why somebody would drink only water in a bar at this time of the day but the bartender answered her question with his next comment.
"Hey, Chris! Finished your workout?"
"Yeah, finally. Work's been hell today and I couldn't leave early. All the tourists bringing back their skis and complaining. So training started late." His light tone revealed that he actually liked his job and that he was just making conversation. "How's it going?"
The bartender smiled. "Most of the tourists are gone and everything's back to normal. Only this lady here is ruining my evening. Hasn't said a word since she entered, but I could at least persuade her to have a beer," he said, nodding over to Max, who eventually turned around.
"Ever heard that it's not nice to talk about other people in their presence?" she asked, forcing a smile.
Crazy guys. But they seem to be fun. I need some entertainment.
"Yeah, but it wouldn't be funny to talk about you, if you weren't there," the bartender told her, grinning widely.
Max grinned back, now truly amused, and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. And by the way, my name is Max and not lady."
"Okay, Max. Nice to meet you. I'm Matt, the owner of this bar, and this is my friend Chris."
Max took his reached out hand and shook it, then looked over to Chris. She realized only now that he was in a wheelchair, and that he was smiling amicably at her.
"Hey Chris, nice to meet you," she said, reaching out her hand. For a second he looked surprised, then shook her hand.
"Why don't you sit down?" Matt asked. "Unless you prefer brooding at the bar, of course."
"Nah, had enough of that for today," she replied and sat down on the chair next to Chris, facing Matt. "You two live here?" she wanted to know.
Both men nodded. "Yeah," Chris answered. "Live here, work here. Where are you from?"
"Seattle."
"So you're on vacation?" Matt asked.
"Yeah, me and a friend. Is there always this much snow at this time of the year? I had expected to see green hills instead of all this snow."
Chris shrugged. "It's not unusual that there's still snow, but it's quite a lot. Usually everything's closed by now, but this year you can still go skiing."
Max grimaced. "I've never been skiing before. My friend suggested to try it out, but I'm not sure."
"Why not?" Matt wanted to know.
Tell the truth or lie? Tell the truth or lie? Truth, definitely. These guys seem nice and it's not big deal.
"You know, there was a reason why I was brooding at the bar," she grinned, trying to swallow down the emotions that were coming back. "We had a little quarrel, that's why I ran away. I think we're going home tomorrow."
"Why don't you go back to him and settle the quarrel and then you can both go skiing," Matt suggested.
Great idea. What is he thinking?
Max only looked at him and grimaced.
"Easier said than done, huh?" Chris smiled. "But if you're going to try it out, come to my shop," he offered. "I rent all kind of snowboards and skis... everything. It's just across the street."
He handed her a business card and she looked at it. It read Chris's name and the name of his shop, telephone and fax number and she wanted to put it away, when something attracted her attention. "You also rent skis for the disabled?" she asked, surprised at what she'd just read.
Skis for the disabled? Well, he IS in a wheelchair, so maybe... Nah, that can't be. Just too perfect.
Chris nodded. "Yeah, sure. How do you think do I come down the mountains? Flat on my back?"
"Well, sometimes you do," Matt added laughing.
"Sometimes everybody does," Chris laughed, then turned to Max again. "Yeah, I rent mono skis too."
"I never thought about that," Max admitted. "I always thought skiing was something you do with your legs."
"That's the boring way. That's how everybody does it." Chris continued, his smile bright and his eyes shining happily, "No, honestly, if your legs don't work, what are you supposed to do? Stay away from the mountains?"
"Perhaps?" Max said, raising her eyebrows. He really skis? That's incredible.
"Nah, not me. Skiing has been my life since I was a kid. Broke my back while doing it."
"But that didn't stop you," Max assumed.
"Of course not. Got myself a mono ski and was back on the slopes only a year later."
"How does it work?" Max wanted to know, the idea in her head almost shining through her eyes. Skiing...that's so cool. Maybe Logan and I can go skiing together? "Is it difficult?"
Chris shook his head. "No more than doing it on two legs. The mono skis have seat shells with adjustable seats, so they can be used for almost all persons with most levels of injury. Well, as long as your arms are fine. You have two ski crutches to control what you're doing and for braking, of course. They're like crutches with short skis at the end and ice-claws at the back of the skis. For towing, the seat shell has a tow rope you just put around the t-bar. It's really easy. Chairlifts can also be used, no big deal. You can sit with the seat shell on the chair of the lift, you just have to lift it up with you, when you sit down. It's cool, really. As much fun as regular skiing and not hard to learn."
He watched Max, who seemed far away.
"Sorry, if that's boring for you."
Matt smiled and stood up to go back to work. "Yeah, that's Chris. He's head over heals for mono skiing." He laughed and left Max and Chris alone.
She shook her head. "It's not boring," she reassured him, "I'm just thinking. You say it's really easy to learn? And that you're renting those mono skis?"
"Yeah, that's what I said. Why?" Chris seemed confused.
Because of me and Logan and us going skiing? Because I finally found something that's going to be fun?
"Because this is exactly what I was looking for."
Chris got even more confused, his look indicated it clearly.
Max sipped her beer and started to explain. "See, this friend I'm here with? He's in a wheelchair too. His mood has been really bad lately and I kind of dragged him into this vacation. Of course that didn't help and maybe that's why we were quarrelling. I have been thinking about how to have some fun and he just told me this afternoon how much he enjoyed skiing when he was younger."
"Sounds like a plan", Chris nodded. "So he's been skiing before, that's great. And is he in good shape? I wouldn't want him to try it out, if he's not fit, you know?"
"Oh, don't worry about that. He's working out like every day or so and has a great body." A great body? Well yeah, but that's NOT exactly what Chris asked. She blushed a little when she realized what she'd just said. "Well, he plays basketball and he's really in good shape, so fitness shouldn't be the problem," she continued, trying not to think about Logan's body anymore, about his spiky hair, about his deep eyes behind the cute little glasses, about his sexy scruffy beard and the strong muscles in his upper body, but she failed miserably. "I'm just not sure if he'd try it out," she finally finished.
"Well, if you want me to talk with him, why don't you both come over tomorrow morning and I'll talk to him, tell him how much fun it is and give him some advice?" Chris suggested.
Max smiled. "Yeah, maybe that'll help. But consider yourself warned, he can be stubborn as hell."
"Why don't you go home, try to settle the quarrel, sleep well and we're gonna see us in the morning?"
Max checked her watch and nodded. "Yeah, it's late already. If I want to talk to him tonight, I should leave. Thanks, Chris, and I really hope we'll both be there tomorrow morning and not go home early."
"Yeah, I hope that too. Bye, Max."
She left some money for the beer on the table, then stood up and put on her jacket, waving goodbye to Matt and leaving through the door, excited about what she's just learned and excited about telling Logan.
But what would he say? Would he be all-Logan and tell her that she should do it alone? Or would he, for once, see how much fun this could be and join in? She even considered calling Bling to tell him, what a good thing this was, but decided against it. Logan could still be angry at her and the first task was to apologize for having been rude. Yeah, that's what she was going to do. Apologize for how she'd said what she'd said. Not for the content, but for the tone. And then she could ask him to go skiing with her.
