Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you know the shbeel. (pause, checks the script) Shbeel. Shbeel. What the hell is a shbeel?! (Looks up at the audience and grins) Well, I don't own Labyrinth, or LOTR, which I am trying to get away from. I got very close to owning both David Bowie and Orlando Bloom, but I got distracted by Ryan Seacrest's hair and let them get away. Rats. (hangs head in shame and stumbles away.)

Author: (looking after Disclaimer) Right. Now, I would like to say a few words before I begin. Sadly, I have forgotten what they are. Any words I forget to say up here will probably be at the end of the fic, so bear that in mind before you flame me. Not that I'm apposed to flames...(wanders away, muttering, and completely ignoring the strange man beating her with a rubber chicken.)

Jareth: (Walks down the stairs with a very pissed off look on his face.) This is why I am not a morning person. (Thunks into a chair )

Mei Xing: (with a smile to cause cavities) Aw, but you looked so cute with a little drool coming out of your mouth and your arm wrapped around- ( Jareth waists no time in turning her into a chicken. Frodo walks in, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes)

Frodo: Why is there a chicken in my cereal bowl?

Legolas: (bounding in after Frodo, almost knocking him into the cereal) Just to let everyone know, there's some girl outside claiming to know Mr. I- own-my-own-castle-so-I-can-be-a-tightass-whenever-I-want-to over here.

Jareth: My name is Jareth! (turns Legolas into a chicken)

Frodo: Not a morning person, are we? (Jareth glares at him, causing him to shut up immediately.)

Jareth: No. (picks up the chicken that is Mei Xing and walks over to the window. Frodo follows him, and they both see Sarah standing in the courtyard)

Jareth: What do you want?

Sarah: I want that girl back. Her parents said that they wouldn't pay me unless I brought her back to them.

Jareth: So?

Sarah: So give her back.

Jareth: (Hands tightening protectively around Chicken Mei Xing) No.

Sarah: Why not?

Jareth: Because.

Sarah: Because why?

Jareth: Um.. ( looks down at Frodo, who has started chanting, "I want some kung pow chicken.") I ate her.

Sarah: What! Why would you do a thing like that?

Jareth: I don't know.

Sarah: Oh. Okay, then. (wanders away)

Jareth: (makes sure that Sarah is gone) Thank goodness!

Frodo: Why did you tell her you ate Mei Xing?

Jareth: I felt like it. (looks down at Chicken Mei Xing) actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Frodo: You can't eat Mei Xing! She's a girl!

Jareth: Oh. Where's that elf guy, then? (Frodo only looks at him in a horrified way. Jareth shrugs and walks back into the main audience hall.)

Random goblin: (stumbling in abruptly) Your highness! Your-( stops when he sees all of the mess) What the heck happened here? Is that a chicken your patting?

Jareth: No, you fool, she's a fourteen-year-old girl. Now why are you here?

Goblin: to tell you that it's time for the goblins to come in and scatter about, doing random things, so that we may seem gruesome and barbaric when the camera sweeps by for the movie.

Jareth: Oh. Right. Whatever. While you're at it, why don't you clean up this mess? I'm not going to sleep in the guest room with that again.

Goblin: (gives him a confused look, but knows better than to argue) Right away, sir.

Frodo: (wanders in, shoving chicken Legolas infront of him.) hey, it's been 13 hours, and I'm still not one of your goblin minions!

Jareth: Of course not. No one came to rescue you.

Frodo: Well, don't rub it in. ( the next thing you know, a person falls out of a portal that randomly opened from the ceiling. The person lands in front of Jareth, causing Frodo to faint in shock. The person straightens up and looks from Jareth to Frodo, and back to Jareth)

person: does he do that a lot, or was it just me?

Jareth: I don't know. With that guy, it's hard to tell.

Author: I know, I know, it really really sucks. But I had no idea what to write, because nobody gave me any suggestions just before I came down with a severe case of writer's block. If any of you readers can help me, please do. In any case, I thought it would be funny to have part of my cast turn into chickens, and I had Sarah show up because I wanted to display Jareth's budding affection for Mei Xing. (awwww -_-) But I need you to decide about the new character that just arrived! Girl or boy? Sexy or Goofy? Lame or bad-ass? It's up to you! In the meantime, I'm going to update some of my other ficcies. (hops away to the Gundam Wing/AC section, but bonks into the disclaimer, who shoos her back to her algebra homework.) Rats. (falls over and dies, but comes back to life to write more)