Disclaimer: Do Harry and Draco get it on in the books? No? Then I certainly do not own them.
A/N: Thank you guys *so* much for the reviews…they keep me constantly inspired. Thank you all for sticking with me through this…I'm trying to take good care of you. Thanks again and enjoy the chapter…thanks, as always, goes to the big J.
Chapter 4……………...No questions asked.
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Harry Potter slept in on Saturdays…well…most Saturdays. This particular Saturday irritated the boy with the thousand watt smile and emerald eyes. He had *intended* to sleep in…but that would imply that one had been to sleep in the first place and Harry had spent the entire night either tossing and turning or just staring up at the ceiling.
'God…I was *fine* for two months…'
Draco had only been gone on his business trip for two days and Harry thought he would enjoy the simplicity of not having to deal with his complicated relationship with the boy. But no…his absence could be felt deeply by one Harry James Potter who had tried to occupy his mind with a million different things before just resigning himself to lying in bed all day. His new pastime offered him plenty of time to think, unfortunately. And think Harry did…about everything.
'If it's this hard now…imagine if things were different…if I actually had something to miss...'
Harry sighed. 'At least I'll be glad when he's home…but…what then? Will anything be different? Can I actually fool myself into thinking that things will be any different just having him around? Has anything changed?...'
'No' Harry thought 'This is further proof that it won't work…I won't take something that was once good and let it turn to something bitter and jaded. But…if I keep pushing him away while keeping him at arms length, he's going to bite back…and it's going to hurt.'
The thought worried Harry…Draco's bites were brutal and tended to wound more than mere flesh. Although almost morbid, Draco's ferocity was one of the things that made Harry proud of him, and he was happy that the strength and confidence in his one time companion had finally found a place to flourish, although at the same time he longed for the naivety he possessed not so long ago. It was then that he honestly believed that as long as they were together, nothing else mattered. Or more so…nothing mattered so much as to warrant worry. But now…with reality staring him in the face and his heart in the balance…everything mattered…and it was all too much.
It had been a week since Draco had kissed him, and Harry could still feel the tingle in his lips. It had been too long since he'd been touched, held or wanted on any real or deep level and pulling out of the kiss was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do…*everything* about Draco seemed to be the hardest thing he'd had to do. Shouldn't that tell him something? And if so…then why did he still have this gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach?
Groaning and finally getting out of bed, Harry headed for the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. With the coffee made, he gave Hedwig a treat and decided that maybe he should put some time in with Ron and Hermione since Draco was gone. It seemed the ideal time, since this meant there wouldn't be a rumble in his living room. Yes…this would be the perfect idea. Feeling somewhat better, Harry prepared to owl his best friends and invite them to dinner.
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Meanwhile in New York City, Draco Malfoy sighed tiredly from his hotel room. The trip had not been uneventful, but there was something…missing. It wasn't as if he had loads of work to keep him tied up, as things were still in their beginning state. More than anything…Draco was…lonely. It had been a week since he'd been formally rejected by Harry and the dull ache of it was starting to get to him. The city was as magnificent as he had always heard it to be…but alone…what was there to do? Irate with his stagnancy, Draco finally leapt up and ventured down the hall to the room Michael was staying in. It might not be as fulfilling as touring around with a date…but at least there would be *some* company. When he reached the appropriate door, Draco raised his hand to knock but was surprised when it opened before he got the chance.
"Michael…I was just coming to see you. Are you busy?"
The other wizard ran a hand through his shoulder length dark hair and smiled. "No, actually…I was going to ask you the same thing. A bit boring at the moment isn't it?"
"Quite. Do you want to see some of the city with me…I'd rather not go alone."
"Sure, come in for a moment and I'll grab my jacket."
Draco stepped into the room and waited for his friend to finish getting ready.
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Harry and Ron sat at the table speaking very rarely while Hermione finished cooking the two of them dinner. She wasn't the best cook, but insisted that Harry wasn't eating right and demanded that he let her make him a more nutritious meal. After a while, Harry could no longer take the silence from his befreckled best friend.
"Look, Ron…I'm sorry I didn't tell you Draco was staying here."
Ron looked over at him and shook his head. "Is that really why you think I'm mad?"
A little confused, Harry inquired further. "Well…it would upset me if I were you. You were already under the impression that I didn't tell you anything. What else would it be?"
Looking his friend in the eye for the first time that night, Ron gave Harry a sad smile. "Harry, who you want to shack up with isn't anyone's business but yours."
Harry frowned at the phrase 'shacking up' but let it pass, as he was already on fragile ground with Ron. "Well, Ron…then I don't understand. I thought you were upset that Draco was living here."
Ron's eyes grew in size and his mouth opened in astonishment. "*Living here?* He's living here now? Jesus Harry what is wrong with you? Sometimes I think you've fallen off your broom one too many times…"
Harry furrowed his brow and frowned. "I'm confused…you say you don't care who I choose to 'shack up with', as you so elegantly put it, but you're obviously upset about it…"
Moving to a seat closer to Harry, Ron looked deep into his eyes, trying to get through. "Harry…you know that I was trying really hard to be understanding before, even when I knew it was Malfoy. I'll pretty much support you in whatever you do, as long as you're happy…but I saw what he said to you…the way he treated you that day. I've seen how he treats people when something goes wrong in that warped brain of his. It's some weird self preservation tactic I'm sure…but that doesn't change the fact that everything even remotely near him withers away for one reason or another. How can you devalue yourself like that? You mean so much to Mione and I…how can you mean so little to yourself?"
Harry sighed and put his head in his hands, although he was glad to hear how much he meant to his friends. "It's not what you think Ron…we're not together…anymore. He basically refused to do what his father wanted him to and got thrown out. He's trying really hard to stand on his own two feet and doing an excellent job so far. He didn't have anywhere else to go…"
"So let me get this straight…" Ron began "…Malfoy is penniless?"
Harry shook his head. "No…rich as ever…he has his own money, plus business is looking good for him."
"Okay…so he's still got his piles of money… And you two aren't together?"
Again, Harry shook his head.
"Then tell me why he's still here. I know it's hard for you to let him go, especially since you don't seem to even realize that you're holding on…but he *is* still here."
Harry had no answer for this, but thankfully, Hermione appeared at the table with their meal and the discussion quickly changed. Long after dinner and after he had bid his friends goodbye, Harry still could not get Ron's words out of his head. The red head had a point. Why was Draco still there? Was he as reluctant to leave as Harry was to let him go? Soon enough, Harry found that dwelling on the subject only led him in endless circles around his conscious and the tight feeling in the pit of his stomach. Refusing to think any more about it, he headed off to bed where he would, undoubtedly, think some more.
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Draco found that he quite liked New York City. The people were eccentric and friendly enough…but what he loved most was the art. There was art of some form or another everywhere he looked. Michael, also being an art lover, had an excellent time touring the city with the blonde. Before long, they ended up in Central Park sitting side by side and chatting about seemingly inconsequential things. When all of a sudden, Michael took the conversation in a slightly more serious direction.
"So…Harry Potter. What is he to you? Is he your friend? Your lover?"
Draco looked down at the ground for a moment, considering his answer. "Neither…really. He's not my lover…anymore. We were never really friends…I suppose we are, but we never would have been if it weren't for…" he trailed off.
"I see. Why is it that you live with him then?"
Draco wasn't sure he had an honest answer for the question. "I'm not sure exactly…I just deposited myself on his doorstep after I left my family. With the business and everything that's happened…I just haven't made the effort to move out."
Michael looked at Draco then…his almost black gaze fixing intensely on Draco's grey. He held the stare for a long moment before Draco, getting somewhat anxious with the inspection, had to look away. After another moment of silence, Draco stood.
"I suppose we should be getting back…I think we have a meeting in an hour or so."
Michael stood as well. "Yes, that's correct."
The two made it back to their respective rooms in relative silence. Michael was the silent type, strong and tranquil, while Draco had a small knot in his throat from the intensity of their earlier moment in the park.
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Finally what seemed to be the longest week of Harry Potter's life came to an end. For all the fireworks going off in his head, he kept his demeanor calm when Draco stepped into the flat looking immaculate as ever. From the sofa, he glanced over his shoulder when the blonde closed the door behind him.
"How was your trip?"
"It was fine…the city was beautiful…I intend to go back at some point."
"Ah…"
Silence reigned until Draco spoke up.
"Is that an interesting magazine?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah…sure…"
The Malfoy smirk made its appearance. "Then wouldn't you want to read it right side up?"
Harry flushed with embarrassment at having been so unfocused and worse, being called on it. Luckily, Draco chose not to dwell on it.
"Harry, I am starving…if I don't eat, I may end up chewing on the sofa…do you want to go get some food?"
Harry considered the situation. Dinner with Draco…it sounded…nice. Again he had to remind himself not to make so much out of the small things, as fleeting as they were.
"Sure…why not?"
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After dinner, when the two reentered the flat chatting jovially, Draco was surprised to find that he had an owl. Harry assumed it was business and left him to it while he took a shower.
He stepped under the spray of hot water and again his brain went into overtime. He hated being so analytical…but there wasn't much choice in such a complex situation. He was quite pleased with the way the evening had played out; the two of them had acted as friends. But still, Harry wondered if being friends would be enough for both of them, or if it was just one big charade on both their parts. Harry was so used to having some sort of definition to everything in his life. Friends…enemies…allies…lovers…everyone had always had their appropriate place and title to him…but Draco seemed to explode and scatter all over the map, invading all aspects of his life but never fitting into any category.
Harry was thankful that his shower was finished and that maybe he could get some sleep tonight. He dashed from the bathroom and into his room to put on a t-shirt and some flannel pajama pants. He shook the towel over his wet mop of ebony hair one more time, slipped his glasses back up his nose and went back into the living room. Glancing around, he noticed that something was missing…Draco. Padding to his bedroom door, Harry knocked and received no answer and upon opening the door found again no sign of him. He scratched his head and shrugged before going back into the kitchen where he saw Draco's crumpled and discarded message from the owl. Unable to quell his curiosity, Harry picked up the parchment and began to read…
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After Harry announced that he was going to shower, Draco unrolled the parchment, expecting some business papers that he still wouldn't fully understand just yet. He was shocked, to say the least, to find his mother's handwriting.
Boy,
I am writing to demand that you to cease your attempts at communication with the Manor. Every owl received sends Lucius into a string of curses that is no longer tolerable. It is not a request; neither he nor I have any wish to receive any more word from you. Send no more owls.
Narcissa Malfoy
Draco had to read the awful message three times to make sure it was real. He knew he was no longer allowed to participate in the happenings of his family…but was he no longer family at all? Did he have no place in this world? Did *no one* want him? Apparently not.
He crushed the message in his hand and threw it into the kitchen floor before plunging his hand into his pocket and rooting around for the small pack of cigarettes he was looking for. He couldn't breathe…couldn't see. Anger melded so easily with hurt and self loathing into one black haze that seemed to taint everything he looked to.
He flung the balcony door open and stepped into the cool night air. Taking a long drag off of his carcinogen laced crutch, Draco found that his legs seemed to no longer work. He leaned back against the building and slid down, coming to rest with his arms crossed over his knees, staring out at the city through tear blurred eyes.
He thought about his family…it wasn't much of one…but it was *his*. He thought of his Father and the stern resolve the man possessed. The same could be said of Draco…but would he react the same way in the situation? Draco vowed that moment that he would not…he would not become his Father…no matter how much he loved the man. He shimmied his hand into his pocket and fingered his wand, letting the wood run along his fingers. He hadn't even used the thing in so long…his life was different now. What was he? Who was he? Was he even still a Malfoy and was there no one to be proud of him for all the work he had done? He thought about his mother and how untouchable the woman had always seemed. Draco wondered if the light had been sucked from her soul or if she never had one to begin with. He'd never witnessed such a shell of a person such as his mother. He assumed that she was just a stern woman for many years of his life, but adolescence and other occurrences had forced him to admit that Narcissa was barely a woman at all. Draco had always though of women as soft and gentle creatures…and his mother it seemed was composed of harsh lines and jagged edges with an empty, hollow center. His thoughts were interrupted by the patio door opening to his right. He didn't even look over, he knew who was there.
Harry looked over at Draco who had a calm, almost empty expression on his face. He sat with his knees pulled up and apart, his elbows extended over them – the white tuxedo shirt hanging low on his hands, and a burning cigarette peaking out from the sleeve.
There were tear tracks on his cheeks, but Harry thought it best not to pay too much attention to them. He looked like an angel, bruised and fallen, yet still so beautiful. Harry finally opened his mouth to speak.
"I thought you quit."
Draco gave a half smile to no one in particular. "Quitters never win."
Deciding not to beat around the bush, Harry sat down beside him. "I read the letter from your mother…I'm sorry Draco."
Draco still did not face him. "It's nothing…just a request…hardly of any significance."
Harry knew better, but also knew that short of getting the boy to break completely he would get no other response. So he turned slightly and wrapped his arms around the black rose sitting next to him, praying that the thorns would not cut too deep.
Draco remained unresponsive for a moment, but quickly found himself relaxing into the embrace. His hands slowly found their way around Harry's shoulders while his head fell into the freshly showered neck, the scent of vanilla welcoming him home.
Harry could feel the wetness on his collar, but did not mention it. He moved one of his hands to the platinum hair and felt his breath catch at the softness…as it always did. After a long moment, he twisted slightly and leaned back against the wall and Draco, instead of moving with him, remained in place and his head slid down into Harry's lap where rough and familiar fingers worked their way across his scalp.
Neither of them spoke, not knowing what to say and not wanting to ruin the fragile serenity of the moment. Draco remained facing forward with unfocused eyes that blurred the lights of the city. His hands were drawn inward towards his body with this fingers resting on the flannel knee that currently acted as his pillow, tracing absent minded circles along the surface. Harry looked downward at his lap, studying the other's profile and then the pale and perfectly shaped ear, his fingers continually raking through the silky hair.
After some time had passed, Draco shifted and rolled onto his back to look up at Harry. His chin tilted up at a slight angle, and with the first few buttons of his shirt undone, Harry had full view of the pale column of flesh of Draco's neck. His blonde hair was splayed out over Harry's lap and drops of moisture gleamed off of his long lashes. He looked ethereal…a broken angel from a painting done in a time when true beauty still existed. He reached his soft hand up and let it rest on Harry's cheek before opening supple lips to speak in a low almost whisper.
"Sometimes things just hurt so much."
Their eyes locked for what might have been a moment, but could have easily been a century. Harry found his head moving on its own accord, his lips parting slightly as he leaned down. They connected and Harry felt his breath hitch in his chest. The kiss was soft and chaste – warm lips connecting and stilling the world around them. Draco's fingers ran from Harry's cheek up into the still damp hair and Harry felt a shiver go up his spine when the fingernails brushed his scalp.
When the kiss broke, Harry pulled back, but only just. A million voices in his head were screaming at him, each saying something different. Draco's still misty grey eyes were staring up at him asking a thousand questions that Harry wasn't sure he had the answers for.
"Harry, what…"
Harry placed his finger over the lips of the boy below him, silencing him.
"Please don't ask me any questions."
Before Draco could reply, Harry leaned down again and placed another kiss to his mouth. This one had more force behind it, but still remained innocent. Draco returned the gesture, his head lifting off of Harry's lap slightly as he leaned into the kiss. Draco drew the other's bottom lip out with his teeth and ran his tongue along the inside curve of the lip, asking permission to deepen their endeavor. At this, Harry pulled away again and stared down at him for a moment before blinking and looking away.
"You should get some sleep…it's been a long day."
Draco also looked away, which left both of them staring out at the lights beyond their balcony.
"You're right…go on to bed if you like…I'm going to sit a minute longer."
Harry felt Draco lift himself up off of his lap. The darker haired boy stood and looked down at the dragon who again surrounded himself in his ring of fire, shunning all who would dare to get too close. "Okay…Are you sure you'll be alright Draco?"
The blonde simply nodded and did not look at him. Harry took a deep breath and padded back inside and to his room. He collapsed onto his bed and covered his face with a pillow before screaming at the top of his lungs in frustration. What had he done? What did it mean? Why? What was he going to do now? After telling Draco not to ask anything of him, he certainly had quite an arsenal of questions for himself. The only answer he could come up with was…he didn't know.
He didn't know why he had kissed the boy, or what the implications of his actions would be…only that he did it and now he would have to deal with it. He did know one thing…that it mustn't happen again. His situation with Draco was already too confusing and adding another dimension to it would only make things more complicated. But was it really another dimension…or was it always there scratching at the surface and refusing to be ignored?
He removed the pillow from his face and laid there in the dark, staring at the ceiling in total silence. After some time, Harry noticed out of the corner of his eye that the light creeping in from the hall at his open door had become obstructed. Looking to his right at the doorway he saw Draco leaning against the doorframe, his form framed by warm light that glinted in shades of soft gold off of his hair.
Harry found that words had left him as he watched Draco move slowly towards him. The blonde made it to the edge of the bed and knelt beside Harry before reaching out his long fingers and determinedly taking off the seeker's glasses and tossing them onto the bedside table. He lifted one leg over Harry so that his knees rested on either side of him and leaned down inch by inch, closing the distance between their faces. Harry finally found his voice.
"What are you…?"
Draco cut him off by placing his thumb over his lips and slipping the tip inside of his mouth so that the pad of his finger rested on Harry's tongue.
"You said no questions…"
Harry closed his eyes and relaxed, sinking into the bed and into the boy that it seemed could ask almost anything of him. He closed his lips around the finger as it withdrew from his mouth and was not surprised when a warm tongue took its place. The intricate and deep kiss was interrupted by Harry's shirt which Draco had been pushing up with his hands. Harry lifted his arms to allow the cloth to be discarded before his fingers nimbly began unbuttoning the last of the buttons of Draco's shirt. When he had slipped it off the boy's shoulders, Harry sat up and ran one hand along the newly exposed lower back while his other hand rested at the back of Draco's head, his fingers embedded in the soft blonde hair. He began to nip and lick at the pale neck that tilted back with his ministrations.
Draco let out a shaky breath and moved his head back down so that he could again capture Harry's lips. Within the kiss, Draco pushed Harry back down and his hands found the seekers own rougher ones and pressed them into the pillow above both their heads. He kissed his way down to Harry's jaw and placed somewhat sharp, but not unpleasant, little bites there. Stopping for a moment, Draco looked up at Harry's flushed face, softly illuminated by the light from the doorway. He stretched up until his mouth was level with the other boy's forehead and gently traced a finger over the lightning shaped scar, causing Harry to jolt underneath him. He took each of Harry's hands and wrapped the boy's fingers around the bars of the headboard; silently instructing him to keep his hands placed there…Harry complied.
Coming back down, the blonde placed a kiss to the top of Harry's head and stopped again at the scar that was this time traced with a warm tongue. The sensation caused Harry to buck his hips up and forced a soft moan from his lips. Draco continued to place soft kisses along his face and down his neck triggering Harry to arch his head back and to the side to give him greater access. Before long the kisses moved lower still….past his collarbone…along a smooth tanned chest rising and falling erratically, displaying the restlessness of the former Gryffindor…and down to the taut stomach. Harry had to stifle a yell when a pink tongue dipped into his navel and found it no easier to keep quiet when that same tongue ran a line across his lower stomach underneath the elastic band of his pants. When Draco ran his nose along the distinct line of arousal in Harry's pajamas, Harry knew only one thing…he *had* to kiss him. He had to kiss him that instant or he would die.
Relinquishing his grip on the headboard with one hand, his fingers found Draco's chin and he tilted the face to look at him before pulling slightly, asking the boy to come to him. Draco complied, but when their faces met, the blonde one pressed his lips to Harry's ear and took the seeker's free hand in his own.
"I thought I asked you to keep these up here."
Draco moved Harry's hand back to its place gripping the head board, and then complied with Harry's wishes, crashing his lips down onto the other boy's with an urgency not usually associated with the cool Slytherin.
Deeply involved in the kiss, Harry was jolted out of his hazy state by a sharp pain in his lower lip that caused him to jerk back, breaking their contact.
"Ow…"
Draco said nothing, but ran his fingers up along the length of tanned neck underneath him until his thumb pressed into the underside of Harry's chin, forcing his head back and exposing his throat. Harry could feel wet kisses at the hollow of this throat and up along his adams apple and had just started to relax again when another sharp pain shot through him with a harsh bite to his neck.
"Ow…Draco, what the hell is wrong with you?"
Again, Draco said nothing, but made a soft "Hnnn" noise and placed his index finger in Harry's mouth to quiet him. Harry was about to protest when he felt the wet finger make contact with his nipple, hardening it instantly. Draco's mouth quickly replaced the finger, causing Harry to moan. The moan turned to yelp when again he was bitten. This time he pushed Draco away and sat up to avoid being quieted yet again.
"For the love of god, *Ow*. What's wrong with you? Why are you being to harsh?"
Harry knew Draco had a darker side and that it most definitely made its appearances in the bedroom…but this time his actions were unusually fierce. Harry wondered if he had drawn blood.
Again Draco said nothing, but sat back and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Well?" Harry prodded.
Draco finally spoke. "If all you are going to do is complain, I'll just be going now." He lifted up as if to leave, but Harry caught his arm.
"I don't want you to leave…I just want to know why you're acting so strangely."
Draco glared at him. "I'm not acting strangely…this is *me*. No one seems to care at all about who I really am or what I want. I'm just trying to be me for the first time and I have *no* control over anything…"
Harry closed his eyes and smiled a small smile, finally understanding at least a bit more. So that was it…control. Receiving the harsh words from his family must have made Draco question his effectiveness at having any say in what happens to him. Harry understood, but still wasn't too keen on bleeding everywhere Draco chose to kiss him. To calm the former Slytherin, Harry reached out his hand and pulled Draco closer to him. He bowed his head so that the other boy would not feel at all challenged.
"You can't control everything…I know that better than anyone…sometimes you just have to let things happen and pray to Merlin that you can keep up…"
Harry laid down, taking Draco with him and cocooned the brooding blonde in his arms. They were quiet and still for a long time before Harry, against his better judgment, asked Draco the question pounding in his head. Were Draco to ask it of him in return he would have no answer at all.
"What does this mean?"
It took Draco a moment to respond and when he did, he remained facing the opposite direction, not looking at Harry.
"Nothing…this means nothing Harry…"
'Maybe it's better that way…' Harry thought as sleep finally took him.
He awoke some time later and glanced at the clock…two thirty in the morning…it had been two hours. Immediately he noticed the emptiness of the bed around him. Patting his arms around just to make sure, his thoughts were confirmed…Draco was gone from his bed.
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TBC
I *loved* writing this chapter. Please review…I love you guys. There is much to come.
Love and Kisses,
Reika
