Chapter 4

Earth time 2287

Late January.

A girl is born to Saavik late one night, at the hospital in Shikahr. Saavik named her daughter T'Sharl. In the native Vulcan language her name meant 'new dawn.' It was an apt name as the child had been conceived in the dawn of a new world.

Remarkably she closely resembled Spock's mother, Amanda except for the distinctive pointed ears and soft curls of dark hair inherited from her mother, but she did not resemble Spock at all.

Perhaps as she grows older my child may take on more of his physical characteristics, Saavik thought to herself as she gazed down at her beautiful sleeping daughter.

In the hospital, the resting chamber, which Saavik occupied, was dimly lit. In the corner was a simple chair and next to it was the hospital bed. On the opposite side was a small closet. Next to that stood a washbasin and a modest table with two chairs.

Generally the room was sparse, apart from a few personal objects, which belonged to Saavik. The room was of typical Vulcan design, neutral colour composition with an arching window and a high ceiling.

Amanda sat at Saavik's bedside while she clutched the newborn close to her. The infant slept without stirring. Saavik was dozing herself.

It had been a long birth, but not particularly difficult. Tomorrow she and T'Sharl would return home with Amanda to Sarek's estate where she had been residing for the past ten months.

Saavik abruptly awoke as the door opened. Sarek of Vulcan stepped into the chamber. Amanda's eyes lit up when he entered the room.

T'Sharl awoke and started whimpering. With all the expertise of an experienced mother, since Amanda had taught Saavik many things she needed to know about rearing babies, she lightly rocked the small girl back to sleep and spoke to her gently.

Sarek approached the bed where mother and baby lay and looked over at the tiny bundle in Saavik's arms. Amanda sat smiling in his direction. "Sarek she is so beautiful don't you think? Our Grandchild?" She laughed softly. "I thought that you wouldn't come this afternoon. It is such a joy that you have found the time. Is your work finished for the day?"

"As for now the task is completed my wife," Sarek said before turning to the young woman in the bed and peered across at the sleeping infant in her arms. He paused for a moment if pondering what he was going to say next.

"May I hold her?" The Vulcan asked in a matter of fact tone.

"Of cause Ambassador," she replied. Gently Saavik lifted up the tiny girl and placed her into Sarek's arms. The child made a gurgle sound. Abruptly Sarek raised an eyebrow at T'Sharl's startling appearance. Then glanced at Amanda.

"She resembles you my wife."

"Isn't she lovely?" Said Amanda. "All children at that age are so adorable. Look Sarek she's opening her eyes." Amanda laughed.

"Most unusual eye colouring," said the Vulcan. Amanda seemed to ignore what he had just said.

"Remember when Spock was born he was perfect. You have to admit he was a sweet baby."

Amanda always had a certain weakness when it came to young children. Perhaps that was one of the reasons she studied teaching, thought Sarek.

She had always cared about children and as a young woman she pursued her dream career as a primary school teacher. Sarek glanced over at his wife with mild amusement.

"I remember my wife. When we visited your parents house on Earth two point five months after Spock was born. You presented him to everyone while we were there. It was most...annoying."

"Yes, but was it not a delight? He was such a beautiful child." Saavik lowered her face as if embarrassed by the human woman's ramblings about how beautiful, how perfect the child Spock had been at that age.

Fortunately David Marcus and herself hadn't found him on Genesis at that young age. She wondered if she could have coped with a tiny baby on the Genesis planet alone. Luckily she never had to.

After some time Sarek carefully placed the sleeping baby back into Saavik's arms and stood up.

"I must depart now," he said. "Shall I be expecting you tomorrow when you return home?"

"Affirmative Ambassador," said Saavik.

"Very well." Sarek straightened his long dark robe and headed toward the door. He stopped.

Saavik gave the customary message of her people. "Good day to you Ambassador. Peace and long life." She managed to reach up her free hand into the Vulcan salute. In response Sarek did the same.

"Live long and prosper." He paused and turned to Lady Amanda. "My wife." He bowed slightly then turned and exited the small room.

James Kirk had been correct when he told Saavik to stay here on Vulcan. She now felt that it was the best environment to bring up her daughter and Amanda had promised to help her rear the child. Saavik lead back against the pillow and clutched the child that Spock would probably never know.

* * *

T'Sharl was twelve Earth months old. Saavik sat under the willow tree holding her on her lap. She had thought about this for a considerable amount of time. Surprisingly Amanda had been gracious enough to offer, but Saavik was plainly concerned. She could not possibly leave her young daughter here without her.

Starfleet had made three tempting offers to her to re-enlist, but each time she had passed them by. She could never leave T'Sharl. She contemplated each offer from Starfleet for hours. Usually under the willow in Amanda's garden.

Various pros and cons went through her mind. Sadly she knew she would have to let this one go too. Perhaps she should wait until T'Sharl was at least old enough to attend school. That would be three years from now.

If only starships catered for families, she thought. But it takes years even decades for an idea to be submitted and developed. The ship that had been green lighted was on the way, but would not be ready for at least several more years and it was still on the blue print stage.

Saavik heard a rustle coming from behind her. It was Amanda. The young child whom Saavik held firmly, but gently on her knee was taking particular notice to a brightly coloured shrub with blue leaves and gold/yellow flowers.

"I thought you would be here," said Amanda quietly. "I have thought carefully about your plans to return to Starfleet as well. Therefore I have taken the liberty to say that I want you to go back. T'Sharl and I will be fine. You will visit us. Sarek has agreed with me that-"

"He did?" Said Saavik with calm amazement, but the excitement was short lived. "I still do not know what to do Amanda. I ponder the question every day. If I do leave am I neglecting my child? Spock's child. Would he be resent me if he knew?"

"Of cause he wouldn't," said Amanda. "You know that. We will be just fine. You MUST do this Saavik. You know, you have your career right in front of you. It would be illogical to throw it away when you have this great opportunity.

"You have been offered a promotion to a full lieutenant. I want you to go. Please believe me your daughter is safe here with us. You can call us any time."

"I do not doubt your ability," she said. Saavik sighed and looked at her baby. She repositioned her on her shoulder. Amanda saw that Saavik had made a decision in the very same moment.

She lifted the child up into the air in front of her. "I will surely miss you my daughter." The girl suddenly grabbed a nearby flower from a bush. Saavik quickly detached the red bloom from the child's hand.

"You must not touch those they would prick your fingers and you would not like that." Amanda smiled at the baby then faced Saavik again.

"Then you have decided my dear?"

For a while Saavik starred out across the garden contemplating, before looking back at Amanda then finally at her daughter. "I will accept the position, but," She paused dramatically. "I still can not help but feel guilty."

"You have nothing to feel guilty about child. You do what you feel is right." Saavik nodded and felt her hair being tugged by a small hand. Gently she eased the small fingers free and held T'Sharl's little hand in her own.

"I will Lady Amanda. I will contact Starfleet Command tonight. I thank you for you gracious hospitality." Saavik got to her feet and still holding her baby she and Amanda went into the house.

* * *

Outside the wind roared and red sand was thrust against the windowpane. It was a sand storm. No one was foolhardy enough to step outside in such dangerous conditions.

The storm would probably last all night and perhaps even through to the next day. It was a hell's paradise out there and sand storms were frequent on Vulcan. One moment the whether could be as docile as a kitten then the next as potent and deadly as a G'zek cat from Qo'noS. At this moment it was clearly the latter.

T'Sharl reached up on tiptoes and pulled the heavy glass window shut. The enormous clashing and wail ceased abruptly. Only the physical image of the storm could prove what was going on out there.

"Come my dear," said Amanda.

It was time Amanda had decided. Time that T'Sharl new the truth about her natural father.

Six years had past. The baby had grown into a young girl. She had indeed inherited her mother's dark wavy hair, but something about the features had now changed. Amanda noticed that in certain light the child's face had started to take on Spock's chiselled dark looks.

The eyes were large with dark thick lashes like her mother's, but the colour was peculiar. They were blue. There were not many Vulcans with blue eyes; the majority was either brown, black, violet, dark crimson or deep purple.

Amanda beckoned for T'Sharl to sit down beside her on the couch. She complied and sat down rigidly next to her grandmother. Amanda stared at those eyes, bright and wide. The girl was naturally inquisitive and curious. She was frowning at her.

"What is wrong Amanda?" Asked the girl. She knew her grandmother by her name and still had no idea that they were related in some close way.

Amanda adjusted her silken peach skirts and smiled pleasantly. For a moment there was silence all but the distant beating of sand against the glass outside.

"There is something I need to tell you my dear," she said at last. Amanda had been contemplating on telling her for weeks, but now she was sure about it. She decided to tell the child before it was too late.

Amanda was well over ninety and she could no longer care for the child and she was very ill. The physician had diagnosed Johrian disease. Somewhat rare as it only affected a small percentage of people who spent a very long time possibly years away from their home planet, and who lived somewhere so alien to their birth world that it caused terrible problems.

The disease was incurable and Amanda was in the first stage of the illness. She had also been advised to go back home to Earth to rest, but the woman had been stubborn and was fixed by her decision to stay on Vulcan.

Amanda Grayson had moved here on the planet Vulcan when she was twenty-five years old, when she had married Sarek. There was certain precautions when moving to a world so alien to your own and it was a definite risk to stay here as long as Amanda had.

The planet had a higher gravity to Earth's. The temperature was much greater and the air was much less rich in oxygen so the young Amanda had to continuously under take acclimatisation therapy until she had got used to the heavier and hotter atmosphere. Repeated shots of Triox Compound were proved dangerous.

It was proven that the coolest deserts on Vulcan were the equivalent to the hottest on Earth's. Now the elderly woman was paying for her stay there.

She adjusted the blood filter pack that she used twice a day. There was a tiny tube connected to a vain in her arm and enabled the poison to be filtered out of the blood which she could no longer do naturally.

Slowly the excess poison in her blood would compensate the cleansed blood and in a matter of months the machine would be useless. She would eventually die.

T'Sharl peered at the small medical attachment and her face dropped. She suspected as much. "There is something wrong isn't there? I was correct all along. I heard what the doctors were saying. I can understand what the others have been saying." Amanda stopped her.

"That is not what I was going to speak of child," she said trying desperately to change the subject. Amanda realised she had to explain her condition to T'Sharl as well, but was she old enough to understand properly?

Vulcan children were not at all like humans of the same age they were more mature than Humans due to the rigorous upbringing and mental training that more or less started as soon as the child was old enough to speak. Sometimes Amanda thought it was particularly harsh for such young children to undertake, but it was simply the Vulcan way.

T'Sharl hadn't been brought up in the customary Vulcan tradition. It had been Saavik's wish that she were not to under go the betrothal ceremony at the age of seven. Saavik wanted her to choose her own mate and path in life and not simply follow what tradition and customs stated.

Besides betrothal at such a young age was quickly going out of fashion and with so many Vulcans going out into space. The bonding ceremony, which would enable a couple to meet up at the acquired time, was now inappropriate these days.

"Please tell me the truth Amanda. I am concerned." Amanda smiled at her kindness. She knew that there would be no peace until the truth was out.

"You promise me you won't get upset?" She said.

She shook her head and in a puzzled voice, which reminded Amanda of Spock at the same age "I am a Vulcan I do not get upset." Amanda nodded.

"Of course not." Amanda wished she wasn't discussing this. She felt uneasy discussing adult problems with a child barely six years old.

The whole reason for this discussion was to talk about the girl's father not her present medical condition, but Amanda knew that she had no choice. "I am slowly dying," she said as calmly and as coolly as possible. The girl looked horrified.

I knew I should have kept this from you. You can't take it, Amanda thought kicking herself. The child wasn't as mature as she first thought.

"But...but you can't!" She said desperately. "What will happen to-"

"You have nothing to worry about. Everything has been taken care of." T'Sharl visibly paled and Amanda thought she would suddenly burst into tears. Instead she managed to visibly collect herself together.

"How long?" She asked pitifully.

"A year at most. I have contacted your mother. She is going to take you with her aboard her starship."

"The ship?" Said T'Sharl suddenly. "I may never see you again." She paused. "When does she arrive?"

"In two days. She will be staying with us for a day before you go with her to the ship. It will be nice there, lots of things to do and lots of different people to play with from all sorts of planets. The ship is a family ship you know. Your be happier with your mother." T'Sharl shook her head and realised her lower lip was quivering.

"What is the doctors diagnosis?" She said. How much more of this could Amanda stand. She felt ashamed and fatigued.

"They said I have Johrian disease. It is very rare, but it is fatal." She shook her head. "There is nothing that can be done." Amanda stopped. She had said enough. "Please I'd rather not talk about this any longer. I can see it is upsetting you."

"I'm sorry," said T'Sharl. "I did not mean to annoy you."

"You never annoy me my dear," said Amanda and she let a weak smile touch her lips and she patted her hand. "It must be very hard for you too, not knowing what is going to happen to you. I suspect you have been dubious for a long time. I am sorry. Now. About the real reason I wish to talk to you." Pausing Amanda took a brief glance out of the window at the storm.

"It's about your father," she said. T'Sharl was quiet, but she frowned and appeared a little nonplussed.

"My father died before I was born," she stated.

"That's not entirely true. Your father..." She swallowed and tried not to mix words. "...Your father he does live."

"That is completely impossible," said the girl.

"But it is true." T'Sharl got up and started to leave.

"I am sorry Amanda, but I think I must go." She fought back confusion. Why was she telling her this?

All her life she had believed her father was dead and her mother; Saavik had come back to Vulcan after his death and stayed with Amanda and Sarek because they were family friends. First it was Amanda telling her that she was dying and now she was being told her father was still alive some place. It had to be impossible. T'Sharl shook her head.

If what Amanda had said was true where was he? Where did he go and why did he leave Saavik alone with me? For a second T'Sharl almost believed her and envisioned what her supposed father looked like.

Was he a disgrace to Vulcan? Was he banished or was it a possibility that he wasn't a Vulcan at all? Thought the girl. When Saavik came home to visit, T'Sharl always brought the question up about her late father. Saavik never wanted to talk about him. Perhaps his memory was too painful to recollect.

She suddenly remembered Saavik telling her about her mentor Captain Spock. He was the most famous Vulcan in Starfleet. T'Sharl dismissed it as both impossible and illogical.

"Please don't go," called Amanda. She struggled to stand and T'Sharl stopped. "You do want to hear about him don't you?" The girl turned around and stared at the floor. "Come back. Please. Please sit with me," the human pleaded. "I know how you must be feeling."

"I...I do not feel. It is not logical," said the child struggling. Amanda smiled.

"That is a statement I find hard to believe at the moment. Everyone feels. Even Vulcans. You just hide it." T'Sharl looked up a fraction without catching the woman's eyes. "Listen my dear. I know your father." She directly looked up and met Amanda's blue eyes. She held a bemused expression on her face.

"You knew him. When?"

"He is still alive and well."

"Did he do something wrong?" She said sincerely. Amanda chuckled lightly.

"Oh no." Amanda smiled. "Your father is a very special person. He's in Starfleet."

T'Sharl was silent for a long time. Amanda didn't know what she would say. Finally the silence was broken. "He's in Starfleet!" She repeated. Was there a possibility about Spock being her father after all? Spock was Amanda's son and Saavik had spent practically all her late teenage years with the Vulcan teacher in Starfleet Academy.

It is impossible, thought the girl. Amanda seemed to solidify her suspicions further. It had to be impossible. T'Sharl discharged the thought as an illogical childhood dream.

"Yes. He was the most famous first officer in Starfleet. He's living on Earth at the moment and is working as a tutor in the Academy, but his contemplating whether to except the admiralty or whether to try for a ship of his own."

"Amanda, if he is alive why doesn't he acknowledge me?" The sarcasm in her voice was obviously evident.

"He doesn't know," Amanda said sadly. "He never knew you were born. He still doesn't. The decision was made to keep it from him and you. He was ill. He had just got through the Fal-tor-pan ceremony at Mount Selaya."

"But...I don't understand," said T'Sharl. "How can that be possible? It's only a legend." Amanda nodded in agreement.

"Yes. It was, but it happened to your father. He died in twenty-two eighty-five saving the ship from an engine reactor breach. So he told me. He gave his life to protect those aboard his ship, the Enterprise."

She frowned. Was she hearing things? Was she dreaming? The only person who underwent such drastic circumstances was indeed Captain Spock. T'Sharl turned and starred at Amanda.

"That can't be true. Can it?" She said in a very quiet voice. Her imagination about him had proved itself true, but not in a million years could she properly have accepted that Spock was truly her paternal father.

"Yes. Captain Spock is your father," Amanda finalised. T'Sharl shook her head not really taking any of what Amanda had said.

"Then you are my grandmother if what you say is true." She stood up and paced the floor. "It is impossible. Impossible." She stopped. Amanda removed the small tube from her arm and detached the equipment joined to the filter.

"Captain Spock??" Said a deep voice. Sarek stepped into the room dressed in a long flowing black robe of Vulcan design.

"You were discussing Spock, my wife?" Sarek said a little surprised. He turned to T'Sharl.

"You are dismissed T'Sharl." With out a second glance she turned and walked out. When she had gone Amanda spoke.

"Yes Sarek, I thought it was necessary. Somebody had to tell her."

He sat beside her. "There is a something I wish to talk to you about."

"What is it my husband?"

"I have spoken with the healers. I have booked you a ticket home to Earth."

"Earth?" Amanda looked horrified. "Why?"

"Your condition is worsening," he said. "Returning home may give you strength you do not possess here." Amanda looked pale and she was starring dispassionately out of the window. The storm was still blazing with uncontrollable wrath.

He knew about her wish to remain. They had discussed this many times. Amanda sighed. Her distance to him confused Sarek. Even though they had been married for over sixty years he still found human thinking and emotions confusing. "Amanda?"

"You're going to go and just drop me off on Earth? You know my wishes. You're just going to leave me on a planet I haven't lived on for sixty odd years."

"You misunderstand Amanda," Sarek said.

"How?"

"I shall be returning with you." Amanda's face suddenly relaxed.

"You are?" She said in a surprised voice.

"The environment will be more comfortable for you on Earth," he said quietly.

"If I decide to go." Her eyes narrowed and a frown formed. Sarek ignored it.

"Where will I be staying when I'm there?"

"I have arranged for you to stay in the premium pharmaceutical jurisdiction on the planet."

"You mean a hospital?"

"That is correct my wife you will be staying in a medical centre." She shook her head.

"I do not want to go home." Sarek said nothing. "This is my home now." Amanda gazed up into his coal like eyes.

"Earth is the best environment for your care. You yourself said you haven't been there for many years. I thought perhaps you would like to visit it for-"

"One last time," she said still gazing out of the window. "Until my final demise." Amanda sighed then looked up at him. "Your right," she said quietly at last. "I can't blame you for what you think is right. You are only thinking of what is logical and what is best. I am sorry. Then it all has been arranged?"

"Yes it has," said Sarek.

"I wish you could have asked me before hand." Sarek's gaze was fixed out of the window. Surprisingly the storm had begun to calm.

"There is something I have to tell you as well." Sarek turned back to her. "I have taken upon myself and have contacted Saavik about taking T'Sharl back with her." Sarek nodded. "I don't want to do this to her, but it is for the best. The healers were right. I am to ill to care for her anymore."

"When will Saavik come?" Asked Sarek.

"She will arrive in two days."

"You have done the logical thing my wife." Amanda nodded. For a moment there was complete silence until Sarek nodded in agreement with what she had just said. "There is one thing my wife," he said. "When I came home I could not help but over hear you talking about Spock."

"Yes. I thought that it was about time that someone told her about her natural father. Saavik may never tell her herself. Now she is older I have noticed that T'Sharl is asking about him again quite regularly and she is getting no response."

"And what about Spock?" Said Sarek.

"I wish Saavik would tell him, but I know why she keeps avoiding the issue."

"Why?" Amanda shrugged.

"The obvious."

"You mean she is apprehensive?" Sarek raised an eyebrow. "I do not understand why. Why would Saavik believe in such incoherence?"

"It's a human thing," said Amanda.

"Saavik is not human," commented Sarek.

"No, but Spock is." Sarek frowned. "How would you like it someone came up to you and said they had a child by you? You do not recollect how it was possible because you can't remember."

"Spock is not a stranger to her."

"Yes I know, but it still stands as the same thing Sarek."

"What is Saavik telling T'Sharl now?"

"She is still saying that he is dead."

"That is a deep exaggeration. I imagine however Saavik would wish to reveal something to her at some point. Wouldn't she?" Amanda nodded.

"I don't think she knows how to explain it to her."

"Neither the less my wife it was not your responsibility."

"I know, but Saavik might have let her believe that he was dead for years. It would have been a shock if she discovered the truth say, when T'Sharl is twenty. It would be harder for her when she is older."

"It may cause a terrible rift between her and her mother if she found out the hard way." Amanda gazed at Sarek in such a way that the Vulcan had to avert his eyes. "Look Sarek," said the human pointing over to the window. "The storm has ceased."