Insanity in Ancient Egypt

Chapter Two: Weapon XJ495LZ73A1

Disclaimer: I don't Yugioh or Monty Python

The Pharaoh was in his room, in fetal position. He was awaiting a message that would tell him he could finally retrieve weapon XJ495LZ73A1. It was the most powerful offensive, and defensive weapon known to mankind.

"Sir," said Kaona. "We're ready to proceed to the hallway that houses the weapon."

"Good," said Yami with a sigh of relief.

Kaona led Yami to a (from the outside view) very long corridor. There was one door in front at what seemed to be the end of the hallway.

These were the security measures to reach the weapon.

The Pharaoh approached the door.

"What is your name?" asked the door in a shrill voice.

"I am the Pharaoh." Said Yami.

Magically the door opened and Yami found yet another door in front of him.

"What is your quest?" asked the door.

"I seek the almighty weapon XJ495LZ73A1." Responded Yami.

The door opened and another one presented itself.

"What is your password?" said the door.

"*******." Said the Pharaoh.

The door cleared and another appeared.

"Who will be the most famous Pharaoh of all time?" asked the door.

"I will!" said Yami.

"Wrong answer. Please try again." Said the door.

"I thought we would get to this." Said Kaona handing Yami a piece of paper.

"Tutankhamun." Read Yami.

The door opened, and the last door appeared.

"What is your favorite color?" asked the door.

"Gold." Said Yami.

"Full response not given." Said the door.

"Hmm," said Yami. "Aha. I'm ready now."

"What is you favorite color?" reiterated the door.

"Gold." Said Yami. "But what is your favorite color?"

"Um, red, no, blue." BANG! The last door exploded.

There in front of Yami was a pedestal with a glowing light shining on it. On the pedestal was the weapon, a golden frying pan with the Millennium symbol.

Everyone bowed in awe.

The Pharaoh took the frying pan in his arms, and ran back up to his room, where he resumed the fetal position.

Meanwhile, Bakura and Sakira continued to plunder tombs. They were unbeatable. They went in and out without leaving a trace of evidence. (Unless you count the missing treasure.)

They plundered almost 20 tombs on their journey from Cairo to Alexandria. They were filthy stink'n rich!

Back at the palace, Jounouchi was about to start his first day as high priest. His slave's rags had been burned and he was given three sets of robes. He had decided that the first god he would pray to would be Ra, seeing as he was the head deity.

He held his staff in the air and began to chant.

Suddenly a voice said, "You are unworthy of this position slave."

"Whatta you mean. And who are you?" said Jounouchi.

"I am the god Ra." Said the voice. "There was a misreading and you were given the wrong fate, making you undeserving of your position!"

"So what is my fate?" asked Jounouchi.

"You have disrupted the complex space time continuum and therefore you must be erased from the ancient history, and reborn 5000 years from now with no memory of what has happened!" said Ra.

"So what are you gonna do to m- aaaaaaaaaaaaagghhh!!!!" said Joey as he was hit by a giant lightning bolt.

When Jounouchi finally awoke, he found himself in the clouds, with Honda.

"So," said Honda. "You to eh?"

"Yyyup." Said Jounouchi.

"Well," said the god Osiris, popping out of nowhere. "It's better than being stuck in a triangle for five thousand years."

"Good point." Said Jounouchi.

In Alexandria :

"Sakira," said Bakura. "I just had an idea. What if we return to Cairo and steal the Pharaoh's secret weapon?"

"That's a great idea!" said Sakira. "Only one problem, the security'll be top notch, you know, because everyone's looking for us."

"I know just how to get around that," he said, rolling up his sleeve. On his arm was the Millennium Armor.

"Using its power of atomic rearrangement," began Bakura. "We can turn ourselves and others into whoever we want."

He ran out into the street and grabbed two nomads. He whispered in their ears, and then turned them into Sakira and himself. "What did you do?" asked Sakira.

"I told them to go to Syria and let themselves be seen." Said Bakura. "That way, the red alert here will disappear because the Pharaoh won't be in any danger!"

"It's brilliant!" said Sakira.

Sure enough, one week later, the alert was gone, and the frying pan returned.

Bakura and Sakira snuck along the palace walls. It was night. Bakura was disquised as the Pharaoh, and Sakira looked like one of the guards.

At long last they reached the corridor, and the questioning began.

"What is your name?" asked the same shrill voice.

"I am the Pharaoh." Said Bakura.

The door opened.

"This is easier than I thought!" said Bakura.

"What is your quest?" asked the door.

"I seek the sacred weapon!" said Bakura.

"What is your password?" asked the door.

"Uh oh." Said Sakira. "I wonder what kind of password a 'man with too many wives' would have?"

"Password accepted." Said the door.

"Nice one." Said Bakura giving Sakira a smile.

"Who will be the most famous Pharaoh of all time." Asked the door.

"Tutankhamun." Said Bakura.

A light shined on both tomb robbers.

"Good job," said Yami. "I didn't think anyone would get that on their first guess."

"You!" said Bakura with hatred.

"I see you've brought a little friend with you." Said Yami sneeringly. "How cute."

"I wouldn't be in this position if it weren't for you!" yelled Bakura.

"Oh," said the Pharaoh. "How so?"

"You ruined me." Said Bakura. "You gave away my position to a person undeserving! I had been waiting for the position of high priest for the longest time and you gave it to the wrong person!"

"Guards," said Yami. "Take these fools away and lock them up."

"Yes sir." Said the guards in unison.

The prison cell:

"I don't believe this!" said Bakura. "How did we get caught so easily?"

"Well," said Sakira. "Maybe he got tipped off?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth." Said Kaona from outside the cell.

"It's you!" said Sakira. "The chief advisor/wife!"

"I know who tipped off the Pharaoh." Said Kaona. "It was one of his brides. Her name's Anzu. She was one of the so called nomads you spoke with."

"Where do you think we can find her?" asked Bakura.

"Well, you're in luck." Said Kaona. "I managed to speak to Osiris yesterday, and he said that she messed up this space time continuum thing. Unfortunately, because she's of royal blood, you'll actually have to kill her."

The last five words of Kaona's sentence brought a smile to both Bakura, and Sakira's face.

"Well in that case," said Bakura. "Let's get going already."

"She's in Persia." Said Kaona. "You're gonna need a navigator."

"I know just who we can use." Said Bakura, rubbing the Millennium Ring. "My imprisoned noble half. Although, it was him who 'created' me, so he should be willing to help."

The Millennium Ring flashed, and there stood the former general, Bakura. (We'll label him Yami Bakura.)

"Well," he said, having heard everything. "The expedition is set, and the hunt is on. Watch out Anzu, we're coming!"

Author's note: Okay, so the last half wasn't really funny, so I've decided to temporarily switch the genre to action/comedy. Next up, a race against time(and the need to go to find the bathroom.) to find Anzu in the streets of Persia's capitol.