Insanity in Ancient Egypt

Chapter Six: How YOU can get a Job at the Palace: The Video

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or Legally Blonde

"Bakura," said Sakira, sipping a martini. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"For the last time Sakira," said Bakura, rolling his eyes. "Yes, I'm going to apply for a job at the palace. And, if I work hard enough, I might even get to go to the law school on the palace grounds! Then I can become a lawyer!"

"But, sweety," said Sakira. "Law school is a place for people who are.ugly, boring, and serious. And you're none of those things!"

Admissions place thing:

"You want to got to the Pharaoh's law school? You want to go to Harvard?" asked Bakura's interviewer. "That's a top three school."

"I have a 4.0" said Bakura.

"Yes," said the interviewer. "But your major is Plunder, and Burial Services. Harvard won't be interested that you aced History of mummy wrappings. Do you have any back ups?"

"I don't need backups," said Bakura. "I'm going to Harvard."

"WWWell then," said the interviewer. "You'll need excellent recommendations from your professors, a heck of an admissions essay, and at least a 175 on your L.S.A.T. s"

"Thanks for your help." Said Bakura as he walked out of the building.

Two days later, Bakura received a tape. The first section contained information about how to get a job at the palace. The second contained info on how to get into Harvard. Since he wanted to get a job and make some money, (He has plenty, Sakira just didn't want to let him spend it all on college.) Bakura decided to watch the 'Get a job.' Portion first.

The first section contained information about getting jobs that tomb robbers were allowed to have at the palace. There was only one, waiter and/or chef. Bakura slipped the tape into the VCR, and it began:

Narrator: Hello there!

Bakura: Who, me?

N: YES, you!

B: Cool.

N: Would you like a job at the palace?

B: Uh huh!

N: Well then listen up! Because we're going to show you what it takes, to work at the Pharaoh's favorite fast food restaurant!

B: Awesome!!!

N: The first thing is to always be on time! If you're not on time you could be put on, suspension without pay!!

Random Voice: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!

N: The next thing is, the customer is always right!

Screen shot:

Cashier: It costs $12.00 sir!

Idiotic customer: Noooo it costs a cow!

C: I'm sorry sir, but we don't accept payment in the form of LIVESTOCK!!!!

IC: You know what, I'm never eating here again!

C: Uh sir. Our records show that this is the first time you've even set foot in our restaurant!

N: Okay, so maybe the customer isn't ALWAYS right.

B: YYYup.

N: The next thing you should know is how to interact with your boss!

Screen shot:

Employee: Sir, can I have a raise?

Greedy boss: No.

N: Very good!

N: This restaurant, like every other, has its secret to success. The secret to success here, is the famous dish known as, the Human Sacrifice burger!

B: Say wha.

N: But, like the lost gold of Atlantis,

B: *Smiles*

N: Every treasure has a thief who wants to steal it! That thief is Seto Kaiba.

Screen shot: Kaiba running into a carriage with a burger.

K: Hi ho silver!!!

Note: A snail pulls the carriage.

Boss: *Walks out* You'll never take our secret recipe Kaiba!!! *Walks faster than the carriage and stops it.

K: You'll never catch me goon! Especially once I shift into maximum overdrive!!!

Speed of the snail, before: 1.0 mph. After: 0.5 mph.

K: No! I've been defeated again!!!

N: Now that we've covered the basics, (Not much.) it's time that you, the all too necessary human resource that keeps this restaurant going, will learn the deep and dark secrets of the Human Sacrifice Burger! Are you ready?

Geek employee: Uh huh!!

N: Are you sure?

GE: Yes!!!

N: Very well then, the secret recipe is a- video ends.

Bakura: Whoa....coooool!!!!

Two weeks later:

"Sakira!!!" said Bakura in a singsong tone. "I got a job at the palace!!!!"

"That's great!" yelled Sakira. "How much do you make?"

"Well," said Bakura. "I uh, persuaded the head chef to pay me $6000.00 a week, so that means in four weeks I can go to Harvard!!!!"

And the work began.

Author's note: I'm just gonna skip his job at the palace thing.

Finally Bakura was able to quit his job. The only things that remained were studying for the L.S.A.T.' s, and, if he passed, his admissions video/essay.

In the weeks that Bakura studied, he did almost nothing except read and have Sakira give him practice tests. Finally, the day came. Sakira had even set up a podium in front of a group of random villagers.

"Now remember," said Sakira over the megaphone. "He needs at least a 175 to pass."

Bakura walked up to the podium, sweating like mad. He opened his envelope and took out the slip of paper. For a second he looked horror struck. There were whispers of "Oh no." and "What a shame."

Suddenly, Bakura's expression changed dramatically and he spoke.

"One seventy-nine!!!!" yelled Bakura. The crowd went absolutely crazy and started jumping.

Sakira ran onto the stage.

"I can't believe it!!!" she yelled over the crowd as she hugged him.

Now it was time for the admissions essay. It took about two weeks to shoot, and then, it was sent to a panel of, 'judges' to decide whether he would be let in.

The video. The first scene shows Bakura sunbathing looking away from the camera. He suddenly turns his head.

B: Oh, hi there. My name is Bakura Ryou, and I'm gonna tell all you people at Harvard why you should let me in.

Scene jumps to a room full of people, sitting at a long table, with Bakura at the head.

Bakura's background voice: As president of my burial service, I'm skilled at commanding the attention of others.

B: It has come to my attention, that the maintenance staff is thinking off switching our mummy wrap from Charmin, to generic. All those in favor of organized protest please say 'I'.

Entire room: I!

BBV: I'm able to recall hundreds of details at the drop of a hat.

Random friend: Hey Bakura, do you know what happened on Days of Our Lives yesterday?

B: Why yes Margo, I do. Once again we join Hope in the search for her identity. As you know she's been brainwashed by the evil Stephano.

Next scene: Shows Bakura walking through a market.

B: I'm not afraid to use legal jargon in everyday life.

Random woman: Hey there hot stuff.

B: I object! *Innocent yet stupid smile. *

Back to the sunbathing.

B: And that's why you should vote for me, Bakura Ryou, future lawyer for the class of 45bc!

Judges: *Blank stare*

Judge one: Well he does have a 4.0, and he did get a 179 on his LSAT' s.

Judge two: A plunderer?

Judge three: Well sir, we've never had one before, and aren't we always looking for diversity?

Judge two: He was in a Christina Aguleira video.

Judge one: Clearly, he's interested in music.

Judge four: His list of extra curricular activities is rather impressive.

Judge two: Bakura Ryou, huh, welcome to Harvard.

Author's note: I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't very funny but I'll try and make the next two or three better. I know I said in chapter five that this would be funnier, but I promise that I'll try and make the next much funnier.