Chapter 3: O.K., this is it, they're gonna die!

Okay! Boys and girls, I overcame my writer's block, so new chapter now! Disclaimer: I

do not own kingdom Hearts.

" So Kairi's home is out there somewhere, right?" said Sora, in a rare moment of

game dialogue. "Could be. We'll never know by staying here." (I like that line, but I

don't know why.) "But how far would a raft take us?" "Who knows? If we have to, we'll

think of something else." " So suppose you do get to another world. What do you do

there?" " Well, I haven't really WARNING! RETURNING TO PARODY! "Damnit!"

yelled Riku, who had gone from "supacool evil love machine" to " the author's geeky,

stupid, uncoordinated bitch" as soon as that warning came up. (Poor, poor, Riku.) "Wait

a second. Other planets?" Sora queried. "It's a RAFT, for Christ's sake, not a spaceship."

"What's wrong with you retards?" " Well, uh, you know, black holes and ocean

wormhole, and you know, other dimensions, and raft other planets. Riku fumblingly

explained." "Listen Sora, some times it's best to just stand there and look pretty," said

Kairi. "Yeah, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" he said bitterly. "What's THAT

mean?" "Relax, Kairi, all I'm saying is that you're nothing more than the chick who gets

in my way." "Sora, you are such a dick! I'm glad you end up with a remedial dog and an

anthropomorphic duck who doesn't wear pants!" "Goofy is very intelligent for his

species!" " And I'm glad your lifeless body gets raped by Riku when your heart is stolen!"

"You ruined my speech about other worlds!" yelled Riku, getting into the argument.

"Fuck off Riku!" yelled everyone (even Riku) " Screw You!" was Riku's reply, as he

chucked a star shaped fruit at sora's head that was tough as a rock and 2 times as heavy

(the fruit, not Sora's head.)
THE NEXT DAY.

And so the three friends awoke, and thanks to author brand amnesia dust, forgot all the

horrible things they said to each other (except for Sora, who forgot the incident because

an aforementioned fruit knocked him out.) " Hi Sora! Said Riku brightly. "We're naming

the raft highwind, you bitch! (Alright, there's still SOME anger.) "Like hell we are!"

"Alright, the usual?" "Yeah, let's fight!" yelled Sora eagerly. "N-no, I was talking about

racing." Riku stammered, shielding his face. "Oh," was sora's sad, sad reply. (He likes

violence a wee too much, eh?) " And so "THE GRAND RAFTY NAMEY RACE DEAL

THING SORTA KINDA" had begun! Sora took the lead, as riku was busy crouching.

Sora jumped on that one falling platform, but Riku missed and fell. (Poor, Poor, Poor,

Poor Riku.) And of course, Sora won. Riku let loose a long sigh and pathetically said, " I

fell in the mud." And verily did our heroes laugh at Riku, who if you haven't by now is

gonna be a pretty big loser in this fic. " Hahaha, okay, time to get down to business. "

This time we're getting food!" Kairi explained to Sora, which was odd, since they'd gone

over the plan months ago and Sora knew this. As is per usual, you and Riku will do the

actual work, and I'll make a freakin' lucky necklace. "Because you gave us all the"-

"DON'T START!" Yelled Kairi, before Sora could utter the blasphemous phrase and

start another Disney castle segment. "Right, anyway, you'll need tres mushrooms, tres

fish, dos coconuts, uno seagull egg, and uno can of drinking water. "Uh. Kairi, why are

you slipping into Spanish? " Well, Wakka gets an accent, why can't I?" "Well, for one

thing, YOU'RE NOT SPANISH!" " Just get the food pansy!" and lo, Sora went on the

quest for food. To the fish! (I got ya! * Jaws Theme * Aww!! MY LEG!!) The seagull

egg! (I wasn't gonna hurt em', I was just gonna eat em'! OW!) The drinking water!

(Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie are drowning him in the fountain, while Sora screams blats

blith blour blaccent!?(Translation: What's with your accent Wakka!? ( He passed out

before he said Wakka.) (Might I add this is a parenthesis, in a parenthesis, in a

parenthesis, in a parenthesis! That's like a record!) And the mushrooms (Hungry, Sora

took a nibble, and lets just say he took a little trip to "wonderland.") Collecting the rest of

the mushrooms for practical joke, he went into "the secret place." It was called that

because everyone on the island knew about it, and as such, it was littered with graffiti.

Here he found the mushroom, along with a very well drawn picture of his face, and a face

so crappily drawn it was supposed to be Kairi but looked more like Riku. Sora started

remembering when he made the drawing. as he recalled he was preoccupied with a

crudely drawn naked stick woman drawn by Wakka. When they were done, Kairi hated

the drawing so much; she kneed poor Sora in the groin and ran from the cave crying.

Angry at the rikuesque drawing, he "relieved" himself on it, and drew the Sora face

hitting the Riku face with that big, hard fruit. (His drawing skills hadn't improved.)

Suddenly, Sora heard a noise. He saw a mysterious cloaked man enter in through a plain

brown door. He spoke in an ominous voice " I've come to see the door to this world"

"tied to the darkness" Suddenly, he realized Sora was leaving. " Hey! Where are you

going!?" he yelled. Sora turned around and said " Well I gotta get this stuff back"- Sora

was about to continue, when the mysterious figure interrupted "but I'm a cloaked,

mysterious, ominous voiced, figure!" he whined. " Listen, buddy, I've dealt with you

types before, and the last time I did, it got me fighting little shadow bugs, a giant FREAK

monster, and I got swallowed up into a black hole!" And there is no way that will ever,

ever, EVER, happen again! (It's called foreshadowing.) "Fine! Screw you!" yelled the

ominous-voiced loser. And so, it was sundown again (they started out at morning, but

because Sora ate the mushroom, he was asleep for a few hours.) Riku had to wash the

mud off his face, so it was just Kairi and Sora (oddly enough, Sora didn't talk about the

cloaked dude, but his mind was a bit-preoccupied.)

"You know, Riku has changed." "You mean how he became a huge loser?" "Pretty

much, Sora, pretty much." " Hey let's take the raft and go- just the two of us!"

"SWEET!" Sora exclaimed, happy to be rid of that bastard. " I was only kidding, Sora."

"Yeah, of course, ha ha ha." Sora said mechanically. " You know, I was a little afraid at

first, but now I'm ready." "Oh baby" thought Sora. no matter where I go or what I see, I

know I can always come back here. "I'm about to come back here in a second!" "Right,

Sora? Sora?" "Oh, uh, yeah, sure." Sora said, roused from his arousing thoughts. " That's

good. Sora, don't ever change." "Yeah, uh-huh" (he was getting pretty desperate.) I just

can't wait to." " I CAN'T WAIT EITHER!" "Once we set sail, it'll be great." No, no, PLEASE DON'T END! NOOOOO!!!!! But the scene did end, and lo, did Sora weep that

day, like a little girl who lost her doll.

Meanwhile, back at the castle.

"blah blah blah, key, blah blah, stars, blah, traverse town, blah blah blah, Leon." " He

actually wrote "blah?" asked everyone in the room, as Donald read the note. "Yes." Said

Donald said blankly (he was still mad about being beaten by goofy) " What could this

mean?" "It means we'll just have to trust the king," said the Queen, while Donald commented on how she was the first "whipped wife", daisy smacked him one for saying

it, and Goofy made whipping noises for all. Don't worry your highness. We'll find the

key and have wacky adventures along the wacky way!" " Okay, but for story purposes,

he will accompany you." The Queen pointed to a little bug on a table. " Hi! I'm Jiminy

Cricket! As the living conscience of a wooden puppet, I promise I won't get you

swallowed whole by a giant whale!" "Well, I'm going now." "Oh wait, YOU'RE

COMING TOO YOU WHORE!" he yelled. (He didn't want to bring him along, but

Goofy didn't want to come, so Donald made him.) And so, the two went on their merry

way, scorching many peasant's houses along the way.

Back on the Destiny Islands (for the last time, Muahaha)

"I just can't wait. Once we set sail, it'll be great. " Damnit, Damnit, Damnit!" Sora

screamed going over the cut-scene. He sullenly looked out the window "A Storm! The

raft!" and he jumped out of the window to get it to safety " Sora! You lazy boy! GET

YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, YOU LITTLE BITCH!" " Riku's boat! And Kairi's! Wait a

second! If they had boats, why did we build a fucking raft!?" "I mean, come on! I- "Sora!

Get to the island so I can rant at ya! "Oh, yeah!" said Sora, hurrying to the island. "Okay,

I'm here." " Hold on a second. (He pulls out a notepad) The door has opened Sora!"

"Did you eat some of those mushrooms?" "Yes! Also, now we can go to the outside

world!" "That's why we built the raft, you idiot!" "Screw the raft!" "Screw you!" "Your

dumb!" "Your Mamma!" "Oh yeah!? Well prepare for a scene much like your drug-

induced dream! And of course, both were enveloped in inky black death, and Sora came

out! (Yaaaaay) with a new weapon (yaaaaaaaay) and the mysterious voice returned!

(Boooooo)

" Keyblade. it said, and then repeated, keyblade." "Hmm, what could this key-shaped

blade be?" he wondered, completely ignoring the voice. (Poor voice) and so, after some

serious thwacky time, Sora made it to the "secret place," which has much significance,

because I keep referring to it in quotations. Where he found and Kairi, who was all sad

and junk (Boooooo) then the EVIL DOOR OF DOOM opened, and blew Sora (ha ha.

Blew Sora.) on to the remainder of the island, where he fought Darkside (again)

thwacked him (again) won (again) And got sucked into a vortex of doom (again) with no

clear casualty in the battle (again)

Where will Sora go? What will happen? You already know the answer if you're reading

this fic! What's wrong with you? Also, on an interesting note, 20 min. of gameplay = 3

and a half pages in a Microsoft word document. Ha ha! I'm losing my sanity even as I

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-I would like to initiate a group hug-Starfire