Chapter 4: All right, they're not all dead

"Wow, Donald, those sure were some wacky adventures we had finding our way

here." "We wouldn't have had to if you stopped for directions!" "What are you, a

woman?" " Oh, shut it." "Hey, Donald, maybe we should go this way." "Why?"

"Because we'll meet the keybearer and save ourselves the boss battle." "Goofy,

come here." "No" " Come here, Goofy." "No, you'll hit me." "No I won't. Just

come here." "Okay." and with that, Donald smacked the poor gullible idiot with

his wand. (Boooooo) "So there Donald! I have larger fanbase!" "Well, MY

fanbase is more devoted!" "And we're STILL not going into the alleyway!

"Aww man, I NEVER shoulda eaten that mushroom." Sora groaned. Suddenly, he

became briefly aware that a large, cartoonish dog was right next to him. (Not

Goofy, that would be too easy) It was Pluto, who unfortunately didn't know dogs

could talk and walk upright. "Get outta here, Devil dog!" screamed Sora, who

had a secret fear of cartoon animals. (Poor, poor, poor, poor Sora) he walked out

of his alley, (like all homeless people, he was developing "turf") and came to a

startling realization that any idiot would've made 5 minutes ago: he was in

another world. "Oh heavenly mother of all creation, oh sweet celestial bodies, all

that is time and space, everything that could conceivably be imagined by man!"

all these thoughts swirled in Sora's brain, and converged to form one word: "

Dude." And so our manly, buff, masculine, macho hero, in a strange alien world,

decided to go to an accessory shop to buy a pretty bracelet and maybe a matching tiara.
Wuss. But Sora's dreams of feeling pretty were dashed by Cid, a crazy old

drunk who tells people he beat an insane evil bent on destroying the world with a

guy with a sword, a big-titted hooker with gloves, and he had a spear. Needless to

say, he HATED kids. " Get outta here!" roared the middle-aged nutball. "But I

just wanna know how to get to my island!" Sora tried to explain. "Oh, yeah,

you'll wanna try 2nd district, he grinned, lying through his teeth. " and you

certainly won't run into horrible demons that will suck out your heart and soul

from your still-living flesh." " Thanks, Mr. Highwind!" (Think Dennis the Menace)

Meanwhile, in 2nd district.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" screamed generic guy. " This demon is sucking my

heart and soul out of my still-living flesh! The pain is indescribably horrible, yet it all

seems to be happening in an instant! I am to suffer a fate worse than death! Death would

be a sweet joy! I am giving into darkness, and my mortal body disappears, but now my

horrible pain is lessen-AUUUGHH!!!" he screamed as he finally died, or turned into a

heartless or whatever. (Sora did nothing to stop this, even though he easily could, but to

his credit, he burped.) Sora then let out a bored sigh and said, "This place sucks,"

forgetting the reason he had come.

Meanwhile at the hall of justice.

"Oh No, Superman! It's the Riddler!" " That's right Superfools! And I have a

riddle for you!" "Who's green and purple and commits lots of crime? Who's only

superpower is wasting your time? "Jeepers, what could it mean?" "Green, money,

that's it! Motorbikes! "Purple. grapes.monkey. that's it! Diapers! "And

commits lots of crime must refer to the Metropolis Crime Factory! "And wastes

lots of time must mean it's broken clock tower!

Meanwhile, at 1st district.

"They'll come at you out of nowhere," Said ANOTHER mysterious voice

(boooooo) "oh god," groaned Sora, "Another one?" "AHEM! And they'll

continue to come at you as long you wield it." "Oh for the love of god can't one

of you just MAKE YOUR POINT AND GO AWAY!?" "Uh, O-o-kay," stuttered

a surprised Leon. " Gimme the keyblade." "No way, this is my ticket to babes!"

Ah, okay then. I will have to hurt you." "Well, alright. Goodbye." Lets look at

the stats for a second here: a scrawny kid with a big key that looks more like a

blunt object than a blade, and a maybe 25, fairly muscular guy with a huge sword

that that shoots out fireballs of death, plus, the guy is like, permanently pissed off.

Things do not look good for our hero. Fortunately, Leon is a dead ringer for Riku,

and decides to walk around slowly like an idiot. Also, the traverse town police

tend to side with kids getting beaten by guys with sword/guns. "Having beaten the

semi-idiot, Sora collapsed into a heap. A young girl spoke up" aww, you're

slipping, Leon. " I went easy on him. He's a loser. I'm so cool 'cause I beat up a

14 year old." Suddenly, Sora sprang awake! "Aw, Dude, don't be so lame! Just

cuz you wanna score with this chick, no reason to be talkin' trash.

Meanwhile, in 2nd district.

"This place sure is creepy!" "Aw phooey! I'm not scared!" suddenly, a hand

tapped his shoulder. He simply turned around and said "yeah?" Huh. He really

wasn't scared. Kinda anticlimactic huh?

Meanwhile, at district numero uno.

"So the Heartless were tracking me with the keyblade? And I'm the chosen one to

wield the keyblade? And babies are made through sexual intercourse?" "Yup"

"Okay, you know there are other worlds out there besides your castle and this town?

Right?" said Aerith, speaking to Donald and Goofy. They've been secret because blah

blah blah blah. "This Chick is hot! Thought Donald. "Seriously, she is fine! Talks a lot

though." " I wonder what I'm gonna have for dinner tonight? Thought Goofy. " That

macaroni and cheese is just gonna go bad if I don't eat it. Or I could eat out at (now

thinking out loud) Ansem's? " He was studying the Heartless, and included all his

findings in blah blah." "Oh, way to go Goofy! As if she wasn't talking enough! If I could

just slide a
BACK TO SORA!!! HURRY!!!!

"And the keyblade opens locks and doors? "Yes." And my island was destroyed? "Yes!"

And my friends are gone? "YES" "and"- "YES!" my friends Riku and Kairi? " I don't

know okay?" ".You suck Leon." "Yeah, I do" at this point, there's nothing to say, so

the heartless just attacked. No witty comment. I'm NOT A MACHINE! So we all know

the drill (If not, MAJOR thwacky time.) Meanwhile, Donald gets smashed paper-thin by

a door and Goofy comprehends how this is possible with several leading scientists in the

fields of ducks and doors.

Finally, in 3rd district.

"Lets us kick some heartless ass goofy!" The poor idiots. They got blown sky-

high! "Man, you guys suck!" "We're better when we fight with you!" And indeed

they were, for it was MAJOR thwacky time made 3x better+ the power of

teamwork! (YAAAAAY) then Guard Armor, which is pretty, cool, but I'm not

great at action sequences yet, so ultimately, they just beat him up, and I'll say

nothing further.
Whistles * yeah, okay, he's coming back. At any rate, there were now time
for proper

introductions, which was too bad, because of Sora's fear of cartoon
animals

(mentioned above) but he stopped running like a scared girl when he heard
they could

go to other worlds. "So I could potentially find my friends, Riku and
Kairi? "SURE!"

said Donald, lying through his teeth. (This happens a lot to Sora.) "But
there shall be NO FROWNING! For if you were to frown, our ship would
crash and burn in a

deadly hellfire! "Seriously?" "No, but smile anyway." "Okay" he mustered
up his

strength; the I prepared the drum roll, and. a monstrous, demonic grin
that could

belong only TO SATAN HIMSELF! "HAHAHAHHA!!" that's funny! Not at all

demonic! Goofy and Donald said in unison, not wanting to upset demon-grin
Sora.

Meanwhile, in mystery land of
mystery.

"That little squirt took down that Heartless! Who'd have thought it?"
Roared

Hades. "Yeah, whatever, lets just get back to watching that hot young
couple before

Maleficent comes back." Said Jafar. "ooh, they're so in love" said
Ursula. "Shh! I

think I hear something!" yelled captain hook. " Change it back!" Yelled
Boogie

Oogie. "You guys were watching that hot young couple again, aren't you?
"Yes."

They all replied. "Hey, how come you're the leader? Asked Hook. Because
Hades

and Boogie are comical, and Jafar and Ursula have no leadership
abilities. "Well,

what about me?" demanded Hook. " Oh yes, of course, in the group with the
sorcerer,

the ghost, the sea witch, the god of the dead himself, and an evil witch
that turns into

a dragon, we should let the PIRATE who got beaten by a flying 13 year old
with a knife

be our leader! Besides, this whole Disney villain meeting thing is just a
ruse for the

main,

squaresoft style villain. "yeah yeah." Everyone grumbled.

Back at traverse town (and the end of
this chapter)

From all us Final Fantasy Extras, here's 200 munny, so you have some
chance of

surviving wonderland. with apathy and angst, Leon

okay, guys! Lets go! And with that, Sora opened the doors out of Traverse Town, and

was sucked into the cold vacuum of space (what did you expect?) there was a cold

silience, and then, " I want my munny back." "sshh."

WHHHOOO!!! Stayed up all night to finish this along with chap. 3. gonna die. Bury me at makeout creek. Also, I HATE the Riddler.

You have the largest amount of information resources at your disposal, and how do you use it? You use it to beat King Koopa! - George Feeny