Chapter 4: All right, they're not all dead
"Wow, Donald, those sure were some wacky adventures we had finding our way
here." "We wouldn't have had to if you stopped for directions!" "What are you, a
woman?" " Oh, shut it." "Hey, Donald, maybe we should go this way." "Why?"
"Because we'll meet the keybearer and save ourselves the boss battle." "Goofy,
come here." "No" " Come here, Goofy." "No, you'll hit me." "No I won't. Just
come here." "Okay." and with that, Donald smacked the poor gullible idiot with
his wand. (Boooooo) "So there Donald! I have larger fanbase!" "Well, MY
fanbase is more devoted!" "And we're STILL not going into the alleyway!
"Aww man, I NEVER shoulda eaten that mushroom." Sora groaned. Suddenly, he
became briefly aware that a large, cartoonish dog was right next to him. (Not
Goofy, that would be too easy) It was Pluto, who unfortunately didn't know dogs
could talk and walk upright. "Get outta here, Devil dog!" screamed Sora, who
had a secret fear of cartoon animals. (Poor, poor, poor, poor Sora) he walked out
of his alley, (like all homeless people, he was developing "turf") and came to a
startling realization that any idiot would've made 5 minutes ago: he was in
another world. "Oh heavenly mother of all creation, oh sweet celestial bodies, all
that is time and space, everything that could conceivably be imagined by man!"
all these thoughts swirled in Sora's brain, and converged to form one word: "
Dude." And so our manly, buff, masculine, macho hero, in a strange alien world,
decided to go to an accessory shop to buy a pretty bracelet and maybe a matching tiara.
Wuss. But Sora's dreams of feeling pretty were dashed by Cid, a crazy old
drunk who tells people he beat an insane evil bent on destroying the world with a
guy with a sword, a big-titted hooker with gloves, and he had a spear. Needless to
say, he HATED kids. " Get outta here!" roared the middle-aged nutball. "But I
just wanna know how to get to my island!" Sora tried to explain. "Oh, yeah,
you'll wanna try 2nd district, he grinned, lying through his teeth. " and you
certainly won't run into horrible demons that will suck out your heart and soul
from your still-living flesh." " Thanks, Mr. Highwind!" (Think Dennis the Menace)
Meanwhile, in 2nd district.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" screamed generic guy. " This demon is sucking my
heart and soul out of my still-living flesh! The pain is indescribably horrible, yet it all
seems to be happening in an instant! I am to suffer a fate worse than death! Death would
be a sweet joy! I am giving into darkness, and my mortal body disappears, but now my
horrible pain is lessen-AUUUGHH!!!" he screamed as he finally died, or turned into a
heartless or whatever. (Sora did nothing to stop this, even though he easily could, but to
his credit, he burped.) Sora then let out a bored sigh and said, "This place sucks,"
forgetting the reason he had come.
Meanwhile at the hall of justice.
"Oh No, Superman! It's the Riddler!" " That's right Superfools! And I have a
riddle for you!" "Who's green and purple and commits lots of crime? Who's only
superpower is wasting your time? "Jeepers, what could it mean?" "Green, money,
that's it! Motorbikes! "Purple. grapes.monkey. that's it! Diapers! "And
commits lots of crime must refer to the Metropolis Crime Factory! "And wastes
lots of time must mean it's broken clock tower!
Meanwhile, at 1st district.
"They'll come at you out of nowhere," Said ANOTHER mysterious voice
(boooooo) "oh god," groaned Sora, "Another one?" "AHEM! And they'll
continue to come at you as long you wield it." "Oh for the love of god can't one
of you just MAKE YOUR POINT AND GO AWAY!?" "Uh, O-o-kay," stuttered
a surprised Leon. " Gimme the keyblade." "No way, this is my ticket to babes!"
Ah, okay then. I will have to hurt you." "Well, alright. Goodbye." Lets look at
the stats for a second here: a scrawny kid with a big key that looks more like a
blunt object than a blade, and a maybe 25, fairly muscular guy with a huge sword
that that shoots out fireballs of death, plus, the guy is like, permanently pissed off.
Things do not look good for our hero. Fortunately, Leon is a dead ringer for Riku,
and decides to walk around slowly like an idiot. Also, the traverse town police
tend to side with kids getting beaten by guys with sword/guns. "Having beaten the
semi-idiot, Sora collapsed into a heap. A young girl spoke up" aww, you're
slipping, Leon. " I went easy on him. He's a loser. I'm so cool 'cause I beat up a
14 year old." Suddenly, Sora sprang awake! "Aw, Dude, don't be so lame! Just
cuz you wanna score with this chick, no reason to be talkin' trash.
Meanwhile, in 2nd district.
"This place sure is creepy!" "Aw phooey! I'm not scared!" suddenly, a hand
tapped his shoulder. He simply turned around and said "yeah?" Huh. He really
wasn't scared. Kinda anticlimactic huh?
Meanwhile, at district numero uno.
"So the Heartless were tracking me with the keyblade? And I'm the chosen one to
wield the keyblade? And babies are made through sexual intercourse?" "Yup"
"Okay, you know there are other worlds out there besides your castle and this town?
Right?" said Aerith, speaking to Donald and Goofy. They've been secret because blah
blah blah blah. "This Chick is hot! Thought Donald. "Seriously, she is fine! Talks a lot
though." " I wonder what I'm gonna have for dinner tonight? Thought Goofy. " That
macaroni and cheese is just gonna go bad if I don't eat it. Or I could eat out at (now
thinking out loud) Ansem's? " He was studying the Heartless, and included all his
findings in blah blah." "Oh, way to go Goofy! As if she wasn't talking enough! If I could
just slide a
BACK TO SORA!!! HURRY!!!!
"And the keyblade opens locks and doors? "Yes." And my island was destroyed? "Yes!"
And my friends are gone? "YES" "and"- "YES!" my friends Riku and Kairi? " I don't
know okay?" ".You suck Leon." "Yeah, I do" at this point, there's nothing to say, so
the heartless just attacked. No witty comment. I'm NOT A MACHINE! So we all know
the drill (If not, MAJOR thwacky time.) Meanwhile, Donald gets smashed paper-thin by
a door and Goofy comprehends how this is possible with several leading scientists in the
fields of ducks and doors.
Finally, in 3rd district.
"Lets us kick some heartless ass goofy!" The poor idiots. They got blown sky-
high! "Man, you guys suck!" "We're better when we fight with you!" And indeed
they were, for it was MAJOR thwacky time made 3x better+ the power of
teamwork! (YAAAAAY) then Guard Armor, which is pretty, cool, but I'm not
great at action sequences yet, so ultimately, they just beat him up, and I'll say
nothing further.
Whistles * yeah, okay, he's coming back. At any rate, there were now time
for proper
introductions, which was too bad, because of Sora's fear of cartoon
animals
(mentioned above) but he stopped running like a scared girl when he heard
they could
go to other worlds. "So I could potentially find my friends, Riku and
Kairi? "SURE!"
said Donald, lying through his teeth. (This happens a lot to Sora.) "But
there shall be NO FROWNING! For if you were to frown, our ship would
crash and burn in a
deadly hellfire! "Seriously?" "No, but smile anyway." "Okay" he mustered
up his
strength; the I prepared the drum roll, and. a monstrous, demonic grin
that could
belong only TO SATAN HIMSELF! "HAHAHAHHA!!" that's funny! Not at all
demonic! Goofy and Donald said in unison, not wanting to upset demon-grin
Sora.
Meanwhile, in mystery land of
mystery.
"That little squirt took down that Heartless! Who'd have thought it?"
Roared
Hades. "Yeah, whatever, lets just get back to watching that hot young
couple before
Maleficent comes back." Said Jafar. "ooh, they're so in love" said
Ursula. "Shh! I
think I hear something!" yelled captain hook. " Change it back!" Yelled
Boogie
Oogie. "You guys were watching that hot young couple again, aren't you?
"Yes."
They all replied. "Hey, how come you're the leader? Asked Hook. Because
Hades
and Boogie are comical, and Jafar and Ursula have no leadership
abilities. "Well,
what about me?" demanded Hook. " Oh yes, of course, in the group with the
sorcerer,
the ghost, the sea witch, the god of the dead himself, and an evil witch
that turns into
a dragon, we should let the PIRATE who got beaten by a flying 13 year old
with a knife
be our leader! Besides, this whole Disney villain meeting thing is just a
ruse for the
main,
squaresoft style villain. "yeah yeah." Everyone grumbled.
Back at traverse town (and the end of
this chapter)
From all us Final Fantasy Extras, here's 200 munny, so you have some
chance of
surviving wonderland. with apathy and angst, Leon
okay, guys! Lets go! And with that, Sora opened the doors out of Traverse Town, and
was sucked into the cold vacuum of space (what did you expect?) there was a cold
silience, and then, " I want my munny back." "sshh."
WHHHOOO!!! Stayed up all night to finish this along with chap. 3. gonna die. Bury me at makeout creek. Also, I HATE the Riddler.
You have the largest amount of information resources at your disposal, and how do you use it? You use it to beat King Koopa! - George Feeny
"Wow, Donald, those sure were some wacky adventures we had finding our way
here." "We wouldn't have had to if you stopped for directions!" "What are you, a
woman?" " Oh, shut it." "Hey, Donald, maybe we should go this way." "Why?"
"Because we'll meet the keybearer and save ourselves the boss battle." "Goofy,
come here." "No" " Come here, Goofy." "No, you'll hit me." "No I won't. Just
come here." "Okay." and with that, Donald smacked the poor gullible idiot with
his wand. (Boooooo) "So there Donald! I have larger fanbase!" "Well, MY
fanbase is more devoted!" "And we're STILL not going into the alleyway!
"Aww man, I NEVER shoulda eaten that mushroom." Sora groaned. Suddenly, he
became briefly aware that a large, cartoonish dog was right next to him. (Not
Goofy, that would be too easy) It was Pluto, who unfortunately didn't know dogs
could talk and walk upright. "Get outta here, Devil dog!" screamed Sora, who
had a secret fear of cartoon animals. (Poor, poor, poor, poor Sora) he walked out
of his alley, (like all homeless people, he was developing "turf") and came to a
startling realization that any idiot would've made 5 minutes ago: he was in
another world. "Oh heavenly mother of all creation, oh sweet celestial bodies, all
that is time and space, everything that could conceivably be imagined by man!"
all these thoughts swirled in Sora's brain, and converged to form one word: "
Dude." And so our manly, buff, masculine, macho hero, in a strange alien world,
decided to go to an accessory shop to buy a pretty bracelet and maybe a matching tiara.
Wuss. But Sora's dreams of feeling pretty were dashed by Cid, a crazy old
drunk who tells people he beat an insane evil bent on destroying the world with a
guy with a sword, a big-titted hooker with gloves, and he had a spear. Needless to
say, he HATED kids. " Get outta here!" roared the middle-aged nutball. "But I
just wanna know how to get to my island!" Sora tried to explain. "Oh, yeah,
you'll wanna try 2nd district, he grinned, lying through his teeth. " and you
certainly won't run into horrible demons that will suck out your heart and soul
from your still-living flesh." " Thanks, Mr. Highwind!" (Think Dennis the Menace)
Meanwhile, in 2nd district.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" screamed generic guy. " This demon is sucking my
heart and soul out of my still-living flesh! The pain is indescribably horrible, yet it all
seems to be happening in an instant! I am to suffer a fate worse than death! Death would
be a sweet joy! I am giving into darkness, and my mortal body disappears, but now my
horrible pain is lessen-AUUUGHH!!!" he screamed as he finally died, or turned into a
heartless or whatever. (Sora did nothing to stop this, even though he easily could, but to
his credit, he burped.) Sora then let out a bored sigh and said, "This place sucks,"
forgetting the reason he had come.
Meanwhile at the hall of justice.
"Oh No, Superman! It's the Riddler!" " That's right Superfools! And I have a
riddle for you!" "Who's green and purple and commits lots of crime? Who's only
superpower is wasting your time? "Jeepers, what could it mean?" "Green, money,
that's it! Motorbikes! "Purple. grapes.monkey. that's it! Diapers! "And
commits lots of crime must refer to the Metropolis Crime Factory! "And wastes
lots of time must mean it's broken clock tower!
Meanwhile, at 1st district.
"They'll come at you out of nowhere," Said ANOTHER mysterious voice
(boooooo) "oh god," groaned Sora, "Another one?" "AHEM! And they'll
continue to come at you as long you wield it." "Oh for the love of god can't one
of you just MAKE YOUR POINT AND GO AWAY!?" "Uh, O-o-kay," stuttered
a surprised Leon. " Gimme the keyblade." "No way, this is my ticket to babes!"
Ah, okay then. I will have to hurt you." "Well, alright. Goodbye." Lets look at
the stats for a second here: a scrawny kid with a big key that looks more like a
blunt object than a blade, and a maybe 25, fairly muscular guy with a huge sword
that that shoots out fireballs of death, plus, the guy is like, permanently pissed off.
Things do not look good for our hero. Fortunately, Leon is a dead ringer for Riku,
and decides to walk around slowly like an idiot. Also, the traverse town police
tend to side with kids getting beaten by guys with sword/guns. "Having beaten the
semi-idiot, Sora collapsed into a heap. A young girl spoke up" aww, you're
slipping, Leon. " I went easy on him. He's a loser. I'm so cool 'cause I beat up a
14 year old." Suddenly, Sora sprang awake! "Aw, Dude, don't be so lame! Just
cuz you wanna score with this chick, no reason to be talkin' trash.
Meanwhile, in 2nd district.
"This place sure is creepy!" "Aw phooey! I'm not scared!" suddenly, a hand
tapped his shoulder. He simply turned around and said "yeah?" Huh. He really
wasn't scared. Kinda anticlimactic huh?
Meanwhile, at district numero uno.
"So the Heartless were tracking me with the keyblade? And I'm the chosen one to
wield the keyblade? And babies are made through sexual intercourse?" "Yup"
"Okay, you know there are other worlds out there besides your castle and this town?
Right?" said Aerith, speaking to Donald and Goofy. They've been secret because blah
blah blah blah. "This Chick is hot! Thought Donald. "Seriously, she is fine! Talks a lot
though." " I wonder what I'm gonna have for dinner tonight? Thought Goofy. " That
macaroni and cheese is just gonna go bad if I don't eat it. Or I could eat out at (now
thinking out loud) Ansem's? " He was studying the Heartless, and included all his
findings in blah blah." "Oh, way to go Goofy! As if she wasn't talking enough! If I could
just slide a
BACK TO SORA!!! HURRY!!!!
"And the keyblade opens locks and doors? "Yes." And my island was destroyed? "Yes!"
And my friends are gone? "YES" "and"- "YES!" my friends Riku and Kairi? " I don't
know okay?" ".You suck Leon." "Yeah, I do" at this point, there's nothing to say, so
the heartless just attacked. No witty comment. I'm NOT A MACHINE! So we all know
the drill (If not, MAJOR thwacky time.) Meanwhile, Donald gets smashed paper-thin by
a door and Goofy comprehends how this is possible with several leading scientists in the
fields of ducks and doors.
Finally, in 3rd district.
"Lets us kick some heartless ass goofy!" The poor idiots. They got blown sky-
high! "Man, you guys suck!" "We're better when we fight with you!" And indeed
they were, for it was MAJOR thwacky time made 3x better+ the power of
teamwork! (YAAAAAY) then Guard Armor, which is pretty, cool, but I'm not
great at action sequences yet, so ultimately, they just beat him up, and I'll say
nothing further.
Whistles * yeah, okay, he's coming back. At any rate, there were now time
for proper
introductions, which was too bad, because of Sora's fear of cartoon
animals
(mentioned above) but he stopped running like a scared girl when he heard
they could
go to other worlds. "So I could potentially find my friends, Riku and
Kairi? "SURE!"
said Donald, lying through his teeth. (This happens a lot to Sora.) "But
there shall be NO FROWNING! For if you were to frown, our ship would
crash and burn in a
deadly hellfire! "Seriously?" "No, but smile anyway." "Okay" he mustered
up his
strength; the I prepared the drum roll, and. a monstrous, demonic grin
that could
belong only TO SATAN HIMSELF! "HAHAHAHHA!!" that's funny! Not at all
demonic! Goofy and Donald said in unison, not wanting to upset demon-grin
Sora.
Meanwhile, in mystery land of
mystery.
"That little squirt took down that Heartless! Who'd have thought it?"
Roared
Hades. "Yeah, whatever, lets just get back to watching that hot young
couple before
Maleficent comes back." Said Jafar. "ooh, they're so in love" said
Ursula. "Shh! I
think I hear something!" yelled captain hook. " Change it back!" Yelled
Boogie
Oogie. "You guys were watching that hot young couple again, aren't you?
"Yes."
They all replied. "Hey, how come you're the leader? Asked Hook. Because
Hades
and Boogie are comical, and Jafar and Ursula have no leadership
abilities. "Well,
what about me?" demanded Hook. " Oh yes, of course, in the group with the
sorcerer,
the ghost, the sea witch, the god of the dead himself, and an evil witch
that turns into
a dragon, we should let the PIRATE who got beaten by a flying 13 year old
with a knife
be our leader! Besides, this whole Disney villain meeting thing is just a
ruse for the
main,
squaresoft style villain. "yeah yeah." Everyone grumbled.
Back at traverse town (and the end of
this chapter)
From all us Final Fantasy Extras, here's 200 munny, so you have some
chance of
surviving wonderland. with apathy and angst, Leon
okay, guys! Lets go! And with that, Sora opened the doors out of Traverse Town, and
was sucked into the cold vacuum of space (what did you expect?) there was a cold
silience, and then, " I want my munny back." "sshh."
WHHHOOO!!! Stayed up all night to finish this along with chap. 3. gonna die. Bury me at makeout creek. Also, I HATE the Riddler.
You have the largest amount of information resources at your disposal, and how do you use it? You use it to beat King Koopa! - George Feeny
