Chapter 9: Agrabah sucks

But then, they decided they didn't wanna go in the warp hole, because the only

Thing that awaited them is a crappy world which is at least 60% desert, and eventually, a

Giant demon heartless that is somehow far more powerful than the Great Ansem, master

Of all darkness, creator of sorrow, breeder of the heartless devils that plague all worlds

And really good at thinking up names for himself. So instead, they went back to Merlin's

for... Some reason. "Hey merlin- GAH!"

4 hours of vigorous eye-scrubbing...

"Ah, man I still can't believe"- "Do not speak of it!" "Can do." Sora, now

Desperate for anything to help him forget, started beating his head against a tattered old

Book, when suddenly a white light surrounded him. Merlin, (who you think could've

Easily prevented this.) looked at D&G, and said: you wanna go see a movie?" "Sure."

They said in unison. (Where is the theater?) Meanwhile, sora went on a fun- filled

Dimension-spanning trip. He visited with muscular fellows with even more ridiculous

Hairstyles than his, who were always battling great evils in incredibly huge open spaces.

Occasionally, little round spheres with stars came into play. (Sora used one as a key

Chain, but all that happened was a tiny dragon come out.) He visited with a very self-

Centered 15 year old with a moronic scar on his forehead, who claimed to be a "wizard",

Despite the fact his most powerful spell just stunned people. He was very bad with the

Ladies too. He went to a world called "earth" with a truly nutso group of people totally

Obsessed with cards, their leader was about 4 feet too, and they all were horrible with the

Ladies, except the lady. He went to a world where all animals were brutally enslaved and

Captured in balls far too tiny to be living quarters by a truly insane youth. He took a card

And a ball as key chains, but all they did was release pathetic beasts. He also went to a

World where another 4 ft. tall guy and his ambiguously gay servant were trying to get rid

Of some tacky jewelry. (I'm not saying he IS gay, for all I know he was pimpin' back

Home, but he was acting like it.) But that's another story, for another time (after I finish

This one, maybe. What do YOU think?) He took the ring as a key chain, but whenever he

Put it on, the keyblade turned black and red with a great flaming eye and sora saw dudes

In black cloaks drawing knives. He didn't like it, but he felt like he NEEDED to keep it

For some reason. And so on, through many other jokes at the expense of crossovers, he

Made it to the 100-acre wood. "DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" shrieked Sora as soon as he

Entered, for his incredible love of violence, burning, and cursing (well, not that last one.)

Was being slowly whittled away. Lost and confused with the art of the art of thwack

Being replaced by "hit' he stumbled upon a log with a small, yellow bear on it. (Would

Sora know what a bear is?) "Think, think. Think, think" said the bear, deep in

Concentration. "No... must... kill... but... WHAAAHHHAAAHHHH!" whined the

Big homicidal baby. "I'm trying to say goodbye to pooh, but I AM pooh, so you can see

My dilemma. Said Pooh, because it was obvious Sora wasn't gonna move the plot along.

"What are you, retarded?" asked Sora. "No, I'm adorable." "Oh." "I'm hungry." "Bye."

And so, after a pathetic, pointless, and uninventive conversation, Pooh went back to his

House to starve. What he hadn't realized is, he could've eaten anytime, because the author

Is too lazy to space the 100-acre woods out. And so, sora spent a few days banging his

Key against things futilely. Finally, on one faithful day, that, due to blood loss from when

A "hit" against a rock bounced back and got embedded in his skull, that he stumbled to

Piglet, who was naturally terrified of bleeding face-man. "Oh Sweet mother of Jesus what The hell is that!" screamed the oddly explicit Piglet. "Oh, don't worry, piglet, that's just

Sora. He's my friend, right Sora?" "I HATE YOU!" yelled Sora through bitter, blood-

Stained tears. "Say, Sora, I was wondering if you could help me scare away the bees?"

"What?' said sora, ecstastically. "YES!" but it was not meant to be for a while now. As it

Turned out, pooh's real plan was using him as a shield. "Dude, how the hell can YOU be

Lifted by a balloon?" "How does your hair stay up?" "Er- SHUT UP!" yelled Sora

Defensively. And so, sora, with his weakened keyblade barely making the bees miss a

Wing beat, he got stung. He got stung so many times his whole body was one giant

Supersting. (Sora gets hurt a lot here, eh?) However, Pooh got good results, and THAT'S

What matters Sora, as it turned out, was allergic to bee stings so he (hilariously) fell on

Piglet (hilariously) killing him (laugh Damnit!)

Day 2: 100-acre woods

"Huh, huh.. it's only a matter of time before they find me.. don't know

Where they are. Lost the map... Out of food... No way out. WAIT! What's that? NO!

NO! It- it couldn't be!" "Hi sora, it's me, Pooh!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Sora, still

Bleeding, covered in stings, and trapped in the woods, had been taking cover in a garden.

"WHY?" "Well, because I came here and saw you." "Uh huh huh huh whaaaaaaaa!" "Oh,

Look, Rabbits house is back, but he's not home, just a voice that sounds exactly like his."

"Sounds to me like breaking stuff!" yelled Sora enthusiastically, pulling the keyblade

From his skull and breaking down rabbit's door. (The door broke down and tragically (but

Hilariously!) killed rabbit.) (You get the feeling all the pooh characters are gonna die, but

Only because I refuse to defile them. Don't worry; they'll come out okay.) Pooh, totally

Unfazed, began to eat some honey from off the roof. And wouldn't ya know it, it was

JUST enough to get his fat ass stuck. Sora, never one to pass an opportunity, (hold on)

Walloped (hurrah thesaurus!) pooh SO hard he broke a tree, crushing tigger, who was on

His way to show relentless disregard for property. (Gee, how will I kill Eeyore?) Sora,

Satisfied, for now, of violence, left the house, fell into a hole, and broke his leg.

Day 3: Hundred-acre wood.

Been here... For days. Dying... Blood loss. Sustained on vegetables around me.

Oh god, what's that sound? And thus sora's broken body was deposited near the river,

Due to a freak hurricane that lasted for 5 seconds. "Oh, hello again Sora." "Kill... Me"

"Why, whatever do you mean?" "Ugh." "Why look! It's Eeyore! And he's drowning!"

Said pooh, doing his faithful duty of giving us the situation, and, inevitably, dooming his

Friends. "Eeeeaaahhhcch" choked sora, as he accidentally fell in the river, getting jabbed

In the ribs by a rock. (By the way, Eeyore drowned. I have a feeling he tried to do it,

Though. He was very depressed, that Eeyore, the kind of character they wouldn't put on

Today.) And so, the river ran its due course, eventually leading to the bouncing place

and..

Day 4: 100-acre woods

His mentor tigger having died, Roo jumped off a tree and died (Hee hee!) that

Same tree then was struck by a bolt of lightening, and hit sora on the head.

Day 5: 100-acre woods

Plot... Becoming more monotonous... Everyone dying.. nearly died in

River...broken, bleeded, stinging... gah. "Oh! Hello Sora! Could you get me some

Nuts?" that was it. Sora snapped (more than he had before.) And jumped, leg broken, ribs

Cracked, head bleeding, body covered in welts, and he yelled "YOU PATHETIC OLD

FOOL! YOU EXPECT ME TO GET YOU NUTS! I'VE FACED GIANT MONSTERS,

GORILLAS, GOAT-MEN, SWORD-WIELDING PSYCHOS, BUT THIS PLACE,

THIS PLACE IS JUST SICK!!!!!!!!" and sora was enveloped in a yellow light, and he

Switched to the dragon ball key chain, and his hair became gold and his eyes became

Green, and, by adding dbz, he broke the (direct) violence barrier! And he hacked up Owl,

And oh god, this is a terrible tragedy, and I'm a horrible person and

daaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaa ooooooooooooooooooh

goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?

Huh.... huh.. huh.. sorry. Sorry for this chapter, sorry for this story, sorry for

Pooh, oh. god. Anyways, sora went to the muddy glen, where pooh was a trackin'.

"HAAHHAAHA!" "Hi, sora!" said pooh. "PREPARE TO DIE!" "Not so fast!" said a

New voice. "Huh?" it was Christopher Robin! "Hi C.R.!" said pooh (not really, too lazy to

Write out full name.) "This entire world is my imagination, which is why I imagine it

Kicking your ass!" "Aw hell." Muttered super sora, who was beaten beyond awesomeness

And banished to the cornfield- er Merlin's house. I'm- I'm back? "Man, who'da thought

That after the movies, the tornado skulls (is that a real band?) would hold a concert? Or

That after the fairy godmother flashed him, we'd go on his 5-day tour as roadies? "Yeah,

Fgm, ya still got it, baby!" "Oh-ho, thanks." "Oh god, I'm back! I love you guys! I'm so

Happy!" Sora cried, hugging his annoying friends. "Dude, you are so gay!" "I love you!"

"Uh, yeah." "Anyways, mini-games and sidequests suck!" "Curses!" said cid, looking at

Merlin's house through a camera. "Foiled again!" he continued, twirling a newly grown

Black moustache. And so, our heroes got in their gummi ship, and prepared to enter the

Warp hole! (For real. Seriously.)

Disclaimer:Don't own Kingdom Hearts! Hurricane Isabel hit. Would've had up sooner, but power out. But now I'd like to talk about klonoa. It's a game. A video game. A simple game, but.. I like it. A lot. And if you like my story, you like me (a little) and, vicariously, you might like klonoa. I suggest you rent it. It's very short. You'll either like it and thank me, or hate it and punch me in the face. Klonoa 2: Lunatea's veil. Ps2. go.