CHAPTER THREE - Go for it, not it!
"William, that's the nineteenth class you've been kicked out of since the beginning of your college education. What the bloody hell are you doing with my tuition?"
"It's not my fault, dad."
"Oh really?" Rupert removed his glasses to clean them.
Eager for a distraction, Spike looked out the window to see a red Mercedes convertible stopping in front of the house, and in the car was a teenage guy and.DAWN?? "What the bloody hell is going on out there?"
Outside, Connor turned off the car. "Thanks for the.caffeinated beverage," Dawn smiled.
"It's called a date, Dawn." She blushed. "See you tomorrow."
"Count on it." You retard. OF COURSE you'll count on it. You're going to school. "Dumbass."
"Huh?"
"Nevermind. Bye," she said and got out of the car.
"Bye." He drove away.
She skipped inside and opened the door to find herself face to face with a very cross older brother.
"Oh, uh, hi Spike. How's school?"
"It's good. So what did you do after school today pigeon?"
"Uh, not much, just hung out with a friend."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"What's her name?"
"Uh, well, it's not exactly a her."
"Nibblet!"
"Come on he's a nice guy. You don't even know him."
"You're right. I don't. So let's have a chat about this chap. How old is he?"
"Uh.I don't remember?"
"For God's sake, Spike, leave your sister alone," said Rupert.
Connor picked up his cell phone and dialed his brother's apartment.
"Hello?" Xander said on the other end of the phone.
"Hey, it's Connor. Can you put my brother on?"
"No problem. One second. He's just getting ready for his date."
"Okay." In the background, Xander and Angel were shouting back and forth at each other.
"Yo Angel! You're brother's on the phone!"
"I'm busy!"
"I know, but it's your brother and he wants to talk to you! So pick up the phone you lazy son of a gun!"
"I'm getting ready for my date! I don't have time for this!"
"I know, but it'll be just a second! It will be just a second, right Connor?"
"Yeah," Connor sighed. He couldn't even begin to count how many times his telephone conversations with his brother had been through Xander, Spike or Oz because Angel was too damn lazy to pick up the phone.
"He says it'll only be a minute!"
"Tell him that if it's that short it's obviously not that important!"
"It is important!" Xander shouted back.
"Well if you know so much about it why don't YOU tell me what Connor's got to say!"
"Just pick up the phone for once, Angel!"
"I'm busy, dammit!"
"It's okay, I can talk to him through you." Connor said to Xander.
"He's gonna talk to you through me!"
"Whatever levitates his carpet!"
"Tell him I need advice. It's about a girl."
"He says it's about some chick that he needs advice on!"
"What kind of chick?" Angel shouted.
"What kind of chick?" Xander asked.
"She's a freshman. Should she be off limits or something? Or is it sort of sick because I'm a senior and all?"
"The chick's a freshman and does that mean she's off limits or is it sick because he's a senior and she's a freshman?" Xander shouted to Angel.
"Does he like her a lot or does he just wanna fuck her?"
"Do you like her a lot or do you just wanna fuck her?"
"Both- well, I mean, I like her a lot. I wouldn't mind. but, I mean, not now. Not yet. It's only been coffee so far!"
"Both well, kind of, well, he likes her and he wouldn't mind but not now because it's only been coffee. But didn't you fuck that one girl only after a cup of coffee?"
"That was a while ago!" Angel shouted.
"That was a while ago, when he-"
"Shut up about that already, Xander!" Angel shouted.
"Well your brother needs some help and I-"
"This is my department!"
"Fine Mr. I-hafta-be-all-controlly-and-broody-cause-I'm-so-cool."
"Just tell him not to fuck her yet and if he likes her to go for it!" Angel yelled.
"Wait, you're confusing. Go for it but don't?"
"Go for it, not IT!"
"Go for it, but not IT." Xander repeated.
"Okay. Tell him I said thanks."
"What about your transmitter? Doesn't he get a bit of thanks?"
"Just tell him I said thanks."
"He says thanks!"
"I say you're welcome!"
"He says you're welcome."
"Xander, where the hell is my hair gel? Did you take it again?"
Connor hung up the phone. Go for it, not IT. Keep that in mind.
~
"So, Angel, ya boned her yet?" Faith asked from across the table. "Probably not, cause if you had, you'd have dumped her by now, right?" Brianna raised one eyebrow at the brunette across from her. She was under the impression that Faith didn't like her very much. There was probably something wrong with her psychologically. Some childhood trauma. But hell, she wasn't an expert.
"Faith, play nice." Spike said, arm around her waist. Faith looked at him seductively.
"I think you know by now that I don't play nice. I fight dirty."
"Um, can we please change the subject?" Angel interjected.
"What do you wanna talk about then, Peaches?" Spike asked, smirking.
"Peaches?" Brianna asked Angel.
"Started in Kindergarten. Kinda stuck." Spike explained.
"So how'd that talk with your dad go?" Angel asked, trying to steer clear of any embarrassing childhood stories that Spike would be more than happy to share.
"Er, never really finished it. We got too busy interrogating Dawn."
"What happened with Dawn?" Angel asked.
"Who's Dawn?" Faith asked, a new sharp tone in her voice.
"Bloody hell, Faith. Dawn's my sister."
"Oh. Right. Keep talking then."
"Anyway, some older guy in a red convertible- the wanker - drove her home."
"You worried?" Angel asked.
"Damn right I'm worried! Bit doesn't know enough about the dating world to know any better. The attraction of someone older'll blind her from who this poofter really is. A jackass." Spike slammed his fist down on the table on the last word.
"But Spike, you don't even know the guy. You can't jump to conclusions." Angel said.
"I don't need to know him. I know what guys want."
"So do I." Faith replied, looking at Spike.
"Why don't you show me how much you know?" Spike asked her.
"Well, if you insist." The two started making out right in the restaurant. Oh boy.
Angel looked over at Brianna, who rolled her eyes at Faith's er- comment. Those two were completely different types of people. Angel wouldn't have minded a random makeout session, though.
"So.how about them Lakers?" Angel said awkwardly, averting his eyes from Spike and Faith.
"I don't really like team sports." Brianna admitted.
"So, you're more of a one on one type of girl?" When the statement left his mouth he realized how perverted it sounded. "I mean.well, when you hang out with that guy too much stuff tends to rub off on you. But not literally. I mean."
Brianna laughed. "That's.okay."
Faith and Spike pulled away from each other. Faith flipped her long hair over her shoulder and looked at Angel.
"So, Angel, ya boned her yet?"
"William, that's the nineteenth class you've been kicked out of since the beginning of your college education. What the bloody hell are you doing with my tuition?"
"It's not my fault, dad."
"Oh really?" Rupert removed his glasses to clean them.
Eager for a distraction, Spike looked out the window to see a red Mercedes convertible stopping in front of the house, and in the car was a teenage guy and.DAWN?? "What the bloody hell is going on out there?"
Outside, Connor turned off the car. "Thanks for the.caffeinated beverage," Dawn smiled.
"It's called a date, Dawn." She blushed. "See you tomorrow."
"Count on it." You retard. OF COURSE you'll count on it. You're going to school. "Dumbass."
"Huh?"
"Nevermind. Bye," she said and got out of the car.
"Bye." He drove away.
She skipped inside and opened the door to find herself face to face with a very cross older brother.
"Oh, uh, hi Spike. How's school?"
"It's good. So what did you do after school today pigeon?"
"Uh, not much, just hung out with a friend."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"What's her name?"
"Uh, well, it's not exactly a her."
"Nibblet!"
"Come on he's a nice guy. You don't even know him."
"You're right. I don't. So let's have a chat about this chap. How old is he?"
"Uh.I don't remember?"
"For God's sake, Spike, leave your sister alone," said Rupert.
Connor picked up his cell phone and dialed his brother's apartment.
"Hello?" Xander said on the other end of the phone.
"Hey, it's Connor. Can you put my brother on?"
"No problem. One second. He's just getting ready for his date."
"Okay." In the background, Xander and Angel were shouting back and forth at each other.
"Yo Angel! You're brother's on the phone!"
"I'm busy!"
"I know, but it's your brother and he wants to talk to you! So pick up the phone you lazy son of a gun!"
"I'm getting ready for my date! I don't have time for this!"
"I know, but it'll be just a second! It will be just a second, right Connor?"
"Yeah," Connor sighed. He couldn't even begin to count how many times his telephone conversations with his brother had been through Xander, Spike or Oz because Angel was too damn lazy to pick up the phone.
"He says it'll only be a minute!"
"Tell him that if it's that short it's obviously not that important!"
"It is important!" Xander shouted back.
"Well if you know so much about it why don't YOU tell me what Connor's got to say!"
"Just pick up the phone for once, Angel!"
"I'm busy, dammit!"
"It's okay, I can talk to him through you." Connor said to Xander.
"He's gonna talk to you through me!"
"Whatever levitates his carpet!"
"Tell him I need advice. It's about a girl."
"He says it's about some chick that he needs advice on!"
"What kind of chick?" Angel shouted.
"What kind of chick?" Xander asked.
"She's a freshman. Should she be off limits or something? Or is it sort of sick because I'm a senior and all?"
"The chick's a freshman and does that mean she's off limits or is it sick because he's a senior and she's a freshman?" Xander shouted to Angel.
"Does he like her a lot or does he just wanna fuck her?"
"Do you like her a lot or do you just wanna fuck her?"
"Both- well, I mean, I like her a lot. I wouldn't mind. but, I mean, not now. Not yet. It's only been coffee so far!"
"Both well, kind of, well, he likes her and he wouldn't mind but not now because it's only been coffee. But didn't you fuck that one girl only after a cup of coffee?"
"That was a while ago!" Angel shouted.
"That was a while ago, when he-"
"Shut up about that already, Xander!" Angel shouted.
"Well your brother needs some help and I-"
"This is my department!"
"Fine Mr. I-hafta-be-all-controlly-and-broody-cause-I'm-so-cool."
"Just tell him not to fuck her yet and if he likes her to go for it!" Angel yelled.
"Wait, you're confusing. Go for it but don't?"
"Go for it, not IT!"
"Go for it, but not IT." Xander repeated.
"Okay. Tell him I said thanks."
"What about your transmitter? Doesn't he get a bit of thanks?"
"Just tell him I said thanks."
"He says thanks!"
"I say you're welcome!"
"He says you're welcome."
"Xander, where the hell is my hair gel? Did you take it again?"
Connor hung up the phone. Go for it, not IT. Keep that in mind.
~
"So, Angel, ya boned her yet?" Faith asked from across the table. "Probably not, cause if you had, you'd have dumped her by now, right?" Brianna raised one eyebrow at the brunette across from her. She was under the impression that Faith didn't like her very much. There was probably something wrong with her psychologically. Some childhood trauma. But hell, she wasn't an expert.
"Faith, play nice." Spike said, arm around her waist. Faith looked at him seductively.
"I think you know by now that I don't play nice. I fight dirty."
"Um, can we please change the subject?" Angel interjected.
"What do you wanna talk about then, Peaches?" Spike asked, smirking.
"Peaches?" Brianna asked Angel.
"Started in Kindergarten. Kinda stuck." Spike explained.
"So how'd that talk with your dad go?" Angel asked, trying to steer clear of any embarrassing childhood stories that Spike would be more than happy to share.
"Er, never really finished it. We got too busy interrogating Dawn."
"What happened with Dawn?" Angel asked.
"Who's Dawn?" Faith asked, a new sharp tone in her voice.
"Bloody hell, Faith. Dawn's my sister."
"Oh. Right. Keep talking then."
"Anyway, some older guy in a red convertible- the wanker - drove her home."
"You worried?" Angel asked.
"Damn right I'm worried! Bit doesn't know enough about the dating world to know any better. The attraction of someone older'll blind her from who this poofter really is. A jackass." Spike slammed his fist down on the table on the last word.
"But Spike, you don't even know the guy. You can't jump to conclusions." Angel said.
"I don't need to know him. I know what guys want."
"So do I." Faith replied, looking at Spike.
"Why don't you show me how much you know?" Spike asked her.
"Well, if you insist." The two started making out right in the restaurant. Oh boy.
Angel looked over at Brianna, who rolled her eyes at Faith's er- comment. Those two were completely different types of people. Angel wouldn't have minded a random makeout session, though.
"So.how about them Lakers?" Angel said awkwardly, averting his eyes from Spike and Faith.
"I don't really like team sports." Brianna admitted.
"So, you're more of a one on one type of girl?" When the statement left his mouth he realized how perverted it sounded. "I mean.well, when you hang out with that guy too much stuff tends to rub off on you. But not literally. I mean."
Brianna laughed. "That's.okay."
Faith and Spike pulled away from each other. Faith flipped her long hair over her shoulder and looked at Angel.
"So, Angel, ya boned her yet?"