Author's Note: Yes yes, we know, you've been waiting for it. Well, finally,
here he is. CAFFEINE TED! And a very special guest-censor-cameo by.Anya!
YAY! I hope I get to be a guest-censor when I die.
CHAPTER FOUR - I don't want anything to happen to your head
"So, Angel, ya boned her yet?" Spike asked Angel three weeks later. Oz, Xander, Spike and Angel sat at the bar in one of the local clubs that they had all frequented as teenagers.
"Spike, this kind of information really shouldn't be-" Angel was cut off.
"Not yet. But honestly man, you've gone out with the bint, what, twelve times in the past few weeks? You're really hung up on her and you haven't even fucked her yet? What's wrong with you?"
"Maybe he just likes to be with her." Oz said calmly.
"What are you, a priest?"
"Buddhist." Oz replied.
"Right. You go be Buddhist. Right now, Angel's in a crisis."
"I am not in a crisis, Spike!"
"You're in a crisis, you're in a crisis," Spike taunted
"Wait, what kind of crisis is he in, exactly? Does she not want to do it, or does he not want to do it, or is it just not that time or-"
"Shut up, Xander." Spike interrupted his brother. "Look, Angel, you need to understand-"
"No, you need to understand that there's more to a relationship than just having sex."
"Yeah, there's the groping and the games. I mean."
"Stop." Oz said.
"You really like those one word sentences, don't you, Oz?" Xander asked his best friend.
"True." Oz replied.
"See what I mean? That's what makes you cool. That's what makes you.you. What is it that makes me me? What is it that makes me cool? I mean, what is cool?"
"Xander, cut the wannabe crap." Spike said, taking another swig of his seventh beer.
"Look who's talking, Billy Idol."
"Oh, sod off."
"And what's with the British slang? You're American, so speak American."
"Well, technically, Xander, American's not a language-" Angel started.
"Shut up, smartass."
"Was that intended to be an insult?" Angel asked, confused.
"Could be." Oz remarked.
"Ooh, moving onto two words. Oz is really on a roll tonight." Xander remarked.
Spike looked at the couples on the dance floor grinding to the loud music. He sat up and tilted his head. Yeah, that was definitely Connor out there. Right up against him, facing away was a girl in a skimpy halter top and skintight jeans, and damn.
"Look, Peaches. It's the miniature. Check out that chick he's with tonight." Spike nudged him.
"He didn't tell me he was coming out here tonight." Angel said. "Guess he figured stuff out on his own."
"Good for him- holy." Xander looked out at the dance floor. "Whoa. Daddy like." The girl turned around to face towards them, still rubbing up against Connor. "HOLY SHIT THAT'S DAWN!"
"Bloody hell!" Spike shouted, throwing his beer bottle at the wall. "Bad thoughts.get out of my head!"
Xander jumped up, pointing a finger accusingly at Angel. "You! This is YOUR fault! You did this to me- her! That freshman girl.is my SISTER! You told him to go for it! At least you didn't tell him to go for IT, because then my sister would have.oh, God, get these thoughts out of my head.bad." Xander started to pace.
Spike grabbed a hold of Angel's shirt collar and pulled him to him, glaring into his eyes.
"You sick little wanker! Look at how your Miniature has corrupted my Bit! No, don't look you pervert! I'm going to kill you. Slow, painful, torturing, kill you. You will die. I feel sick to call you my friend!" He pushed him over, letting go of his shirt.
"Oh, you think this is MY fault? Look at your sister! She wants to do that! She's not a kid anymore! She's in high school, dammit!"
"You're not helping your case, sweetheart!" Spike yelled back. By this time, the smashed beer bottle and shoving over of a guy who was pretty big had drawn quite a bit of attention, including the attention of Dawn and Connor, who were in shock.
"We should get out of here before your brother smashes a beer bottle into the side of my head." Connor whispered.
"Good idea. I don't want anything to happen to your head."
The two silently slipped through the crowd and out of the club. Nobody noticed. Except Oz.
Oz sat there, not knowing what to do. There would be a barfight unless something was done. Should he stop the impending barfight? Or would that instigate one? Should he wait until the barfight occurred to do something? Or should he watch the barfight? He was a small man. He couldn't stop something after it started. Should he go after Dawn and Connor? They wouldn't listen to him. Probably because neither one had ever met him. Then he should notify someone who they did know.
"Guys-" Oz started.
"Shut up!" All three shouted at him in unison. Spike advanced toward Angel. He grabbed him by the throat and slammed his head onto the bar counter. Spike punched him across the face countless times, until Angel started to bleed. When Spike was satisfied, or at least, when his fist was sore, he stopped.
"You listen, Peaches, and you listen good. If anything, and I mean, ANYTHING else happens between your sick little brother and my poor, innocent Platelet, I will kill Connor, and I will kill you. Do you understand me? You end this relationship right now, because you started it. And you and me? Our friendship is over." Spike pulled him up and shoved him in the direction of the door. Angel left.
~
Brianna sat on her couch, reading the New York Times. Yeah, she was in LA, but the New York Times was the best newspaper in America. Except for their lack of comics. She looked out her window at the thunderstorm outside and shivered. Sure, it was California, but she wasn't all that fond of thunder, due to the fact that it was the echo of lightning striking something. She went back to reading one of the many articles about terrorist action when there was a knock on her door. She put the newspaper down on her coffee table, leaving her glasses on. She went to the door and opened it to find a bruised, bloody Angel.
"Angel? What happened?" She stood back to let him in, and closed the door behind him as he limped into her living room.
"Well, it's a funny story. If you're in the mood for another one about the goddamn idiot who lost all his friends after one simple bar fight, then this one's for you and can I lie down?" Angel asked, feeling the lightness of his head.
"Yeah, just lie down on the couch, I'll get something to fix that." She went into the bathroom in search of a first aid kit. Angel looked at the newspaper on the coffee table. Wow. Someone who got the New York Times daily who lived in LA. That was new. As was the numbness in his limbs.
Brianna came back into the room and sat down on the coffee table. She opened up the first aid kit and took out a cotton ball and some antiseptic.
"So, you wanna tell me what happened?" She asked Angel, dabbing at the cut on his cheek. Angel winced at the sting.
"Well, basically, the guys and I went out tonight, to this club where we used to hang out in high school, and it was going fine until we saw Dawn, Spike and Xander's little sister, grinding with my idiot brother. Xander flipped, but Spike went completely insane, the way he does when he has one too many drinks. He sort of slammed my head onto the bar counter, and kept punching me.man, that guy has one helluva right hook. Then he basically told me that I have to split them up since it's my fault and he doesn't consider me his friend anymore. It sounds pretty weak coming out in words, but it."
"It's worse when it happens to you. I get it." She reached into the first aid kit for some gauze to cover up a cut on his forehead. "But what I don't get is why Spike blamed you. I mean, sure, you have an influence on your brother, but you don't control him or his actions, and therefore you aren't responsible."
"Well, Connor wasn't sure about going out with a freshman and he sort of asked me for advice. I basically told him to go for it, but not to pressure her and go for.well, it gets confusing. But he probably wouldn't have if I hadn't told him to, so, yeah. It's my fault."
"But even if you had told him to, Connor still had a choice in seeking Dawn.sorry. I'm starting to sound like a psychologist." She finished bandaging him up. Angel looked up at her.
"I think I need one right now." Brianna leaned down and kissed him.
CAFFEINE TED: I wonder what Dawn and Connor are up to.cause I think we all know what's gonna happen with these bunnies.
ANYA: Bunnies frighten me.
CAFFEINE TED: Oh.
Bloody wanker had to go and corrupt my sweet little Platelet.I should see if she's okay, thought Spike, driving to the house that Giles, Joyce and Dawn now occupied. He slowed as he approached the dark, empty house. The first thing he noticed was that goddamn flashy red convertible. Why did it have to be a Mercedes, why? The next thing was the little pimp walking the Bit up to the door. Was that- yeah, that was his jacket around her shoulders. The old jacket trick. Nice try, poofter junior, but that one went out years ago. Not for poofter senior, though. Never got old with him, Spike thought to himself. Ugh, his hands were all over her. All up and down her arms, like. Sickening. As Connor leaned down to give Dawn a goodnight kiss, Spike jumped out of the car.
"Get the bleeding hell away from her, you wanker!" He shouted as they pulled away. Connor moved just in time to receive a nice little punch in the face from drunken Spike. This was unexpected, and Connor fell over. "You stay away from her. I'll kill you, do you understand? I'll fucking kill you!" His knees went weak and he stumbled. "Whoa!" He caught himself before he fell over, and he grabbed Connor by the back of the shirt. He threw him onto the lawn and Connor groaned in pain, landing on his stomach. Spike strode over, and as Connor started to get up, Spike gave him a swift kick in the rib, making him fall again. "You like that, you sodding pervert?" Spike asked, words slurred as he kicked him again. He kicked him for the third time, then flipped him over so he was lying on his back in pain. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I not hurt you enough? Cos that can be fixed." With that, he punched him in the face. Something made a crunching sound. Probably a broken nose. Spike grinned at this thought, and punched him again. He heard a scream from Dawn, but didn't care. He was no longer concerned with why he was beating this kid, but how much pain he was causing him. He repeatedly punched him, until another cry out from Dawn came.
"Stop it, Spike! Stop!" She ran over and tried to grab her brother's shoulder to pull him away, and he punched her across her face. She stumbled back, not so much from the blow itself, but more from the shock and fear of it all. Her nose started to bleed. She always knew her brother could fight. This wasn't her brother.
Spike froze. What did he just do? He hit Dawn. His little Platelet was bleeding from his punch. Dawn stared at him, tears streaming down her face.
"Bit, I.I didn't mean to.I mean, I meant to, but not you.I.please." Spike got up, and took a step towards her as she took a step back. Without a word, she walked past him and helped Connor up. They walked towards the car together. Connor was still feeling like shit, but he got in the car and turned on the ignition once Dawn was in. They drove off, leaving Spike alone on the lawn.
~
"Where should we go?" Dawn asked Connor. "Can you even drive?"
"I can drive with both my arms off. Only I, well, can't. Not literally, anyway."
"I'm laughing on the inside. But we can't just drive around the whole night."
"Well, we could go back to my place. But my mom would flip if I brought a girl back there and if I came back in this condition."
"How about Oz and Xander's?" Dawn suggested.
"Spike might go back there. Hey, how about Brianna's? I've met her, she's cool enough to take us in for a night."
"Okay, let's go there."
Once at Brianna's building, Connor got out of the car. He went up and buzzed her apartment. No answer. He backed up a few paces and looked up to the fifth floor. There were lights on. Kinda flickery. Oh. Candles. OH.
"Can't go there." Connor said, getting back in the car.
"Why?" Dawn asked.
"Candles." Connor said, starting the car.
"I don't get it." Dawn thought for a minute. "Oooh. So, um, who else can we try?"
Connor thought. Someone who was not in the mix. Someone who cared about him enough to-
"Fred."
"Who's that?"
CHAPTER FOUR - I don't want anything to happen to your head
"So, Angel, ya boned her yet?" Spike asked Angel three weeks later. Oz, Xander, Spike and Angel sat at the bar in one of the local clubs that they had all frequented as teenagers.
"Spike, this kind of information really shouldn't be-" Angel was cut off.
"Not yet. But honestly man, you've gone out with the bint, what, twelve times in the past few weeks? You're really hung up on her and you haven't even fucked her yet? What's wrong with you?"
"Maybe he just likes to be with her." Oz said calmly.
"What are you, a priest?"
"Buddhist." Oz replied.
"Right. You go be Buddhist. Right now, Angel's in a crisis."
"I am not in a crisis, Spike!"
"You're in a crisis, you're in a crisis," Spike taunted
"Wait, what kind of crisis is he in, exactly? Does she not want to do it, or does he not want to do it, or is it just not that time or-"
"Shut up, Xander." Spike interrupted his brother. "Look, Angel, you need to understand-"
"No, you need to understand that there's more to a relationship than just having sex."
"Yeah, there's the groping and the games. I mean."
"Stop." Oz said.
"You really like those one word sentences, don't you, Oz?" Xander asked his best friend.
"True." Oz replied.
"See what I mean? That's what makes you cool. That's what makes you.you. What is it that makes me me? What is it that makes me cool? I mean, what is cool?"
"Xander, cut the wannabe crap." Spike said, taking another swig of his seventh beer.
"Look who's talking, Billy Idol."
"Oh, sod off."
"And what's with the British slang? You're American, so speak American."
"Well, technically, Xander, American's not a language-" Angel started.
"Shut up, smartass."
"Was that intended to be an insult?" Angel asked, confused.
"Could be." Oz remarked.
"Ooh, moving onto two words. Oz is really on a roll tonight." Xander remarked.
Spike looked at the couples on the dance floor grinding to the loud music. He sat up and tilted his head. Yeah, that was definitely Connor out there. Right up against him, facing away was a girl in a skimpy halter top and skintight jeans, and damn.
"Look, Peaches. It's the miniature. Check out that chick he's with tonight." Spike nudged him.
"He didn't tell me he was coming out here tonight." Angel said. "Guess he figured stuff out on his own."
"Good for him- holy." Xander looked out at the dance floor. "Whoa. Daddy like." The girl turned around to face towards them, still rubbing up against Connor. "HOLY SHIT THAT'S DAWN!"
"Bloody hell!" Spike shouted, throwing his beer bottle at the wall. "Bad thoughts.get out of my head!"
Xander jumped up, pointing a finger accusingly at Angel. "You! This is YOUR fault! You did this to me- her! That freshman girl.is my SISTER! You told him to go for it! At least you didn't tell him to go for IT, because then my sister would have.oh, God, get these thoughts out of my head.bad." Xander started to pace.
Spike grabbed a hold of Angel's shirt collar and pulled him to him, glaring into his eyes.
"You sick little wanker! Look at how your Miniature has corrupted my Bit! No, don't look you pervert! I'm going to kill you. Slow, painful, torturing, kill you. You will die. I feel sick to call you my friend!" He pushed him over, letting go of his shirt.
"Oh, you think this is MY fault? Look at your sister! She wants to do that! She's not a kid anymore! She's in high school, dammit!"
"You're not helping your case, sweetheart!" Spike yelled back. By this time, the smashed beer bottle and shoving over of a guy who was pretty big had drawn quite a bit of attention, including the attention of Dawn and Connor, who were in shock.
"We should get out of here before your brother smashes a beer bottle into the side of my head." Connor whispered.
"Good idea. I don't want anything to happen to your head."
The two silently slipped through the crowd and out of the club. Nobody noticed. Except Oz.
Oz sat there, not knowing what to do. There would be a barfight unless something was done. Should he stop the impending barfight? Or would that instigate one? Should he wait until the barfight occurred to do something? Or should he watch the barfight? He was a small man. He couldn't stop something after it started. Should he go after Dawn and Connor? They wouldn't listen to him. Probably because neither one had ever met him. Then he should notify someone who they did know.
"Guys-" Oz started.
"Shut up!" All three shouted at him in unison. Spike advanced toward Angel. He grabbed him by the throat and slammed his head onto the bar counter. Spike punched him across the face countless times, until Angel started to bleed. When Spike was satisfied, or at least, when his fist was sore, he stopped.
"You listen, Peaches, and you listen good. If anything, and I mean, ANYTHING else happens between your sick little brother and my poor, innocent Platelet, I will kill Connor, and I will kill you. Do you understand me? You end this relationship right now, because you started it. And you and me? Our friendship is over." Spike pulled him up and shoved him in the direction of the door. Angel left.
~
Brianna sat on her couch, reading the New York Times. Yeah, she was in LA, but the New York Times was the best newspaper in America. Except for their lack of comics. She looked out her window at the thunderstorm outside and shivered. Sure, it was California, but she wasn't all that fond of thunder, due to the fact that it was the echo of lightning striking something. She went back to reading one of the many articles about terrorist action when there was a knock on her door. She put the newspaper down on her coffee table, leaving her glasses on. She went to the door and opened it to find a bruised, bloody Angel.
"Angel? What happened?" She stood back to let him in, and closed the door behind him as he limped into her living room.
"Well, it's a funny story. If you're in the mood for another one about the goddamn idiot who lost all his friends after one simple bar fight, then this one's for you and can I lie down?" Angel asked, feeling the lightness of his head.
"Yeah, just lie down on the couch, I'll get something to fix that." She went into the bathroom in search of a first aid kit. Angel looked at the newspaper on the coffee table. Wow. Someone who got the New York Times daily who lived in LA. That was new. As was the numbness in his limbs.
Brianna came back into the room and sat down on the coffee table. She opened up the first aid kit and took out a cotton ball and some antiseptic.
"So, you wanna tell me what happened?" She asked Angel, dabbing at the cut on his cheek. Angel winced at the sting.
"Well, basically, the guys and I went out tonight, to this club where we used to hang out in high school, and it was going fine until we saw Dawn, Spike and Xander's little sister, grinding with my idiot brother. Xander flipped, but Spike went completely insane, the way he does when he has one too many drinks. He sort of slammed my head onto the bar counter, and kept punching me.man, that guy has one helluva right hook. Then he basically told me that I have to split them up since it's my fault and he doesn't consider me his friend anymore. It sounds pretty weak coming out in words, but it."
"It's worse when it happens to you. I get it." She reached into the first aid kit for some gauze to cover up a cut on his forehead. "But what I don't get is why Spike blamed you. I mean, sure, you have an influence on your brother, but you don't control him or his actions, and therefore you aren't responsible."
"Well, Connor wasn't sure about going out with a freshman and he sort of asked me for advice. I basically told him to go for it, but not to pressure her and go for.well, it gets confusing. But he probably wouldn't have if I hadn't told him to, so, yeah. It's my fault."
"But even if you had told him to, Connor still had a choice in seeking Dawn.sorry. I'm starting to sound like a psychologist." She finished bandaging him up. Angel looked up at her.
"I think I need one right now." Brianna leaned down and kissed him.
CAFFEINE TED: I wonder what Dawn and Connor are up to.cause I think we all know what's gonna happen with these bunnies.
ANYA: Bunnies frighten me.
CAFFEINE TED: Oh.
Bloody wanker had to go and corrupt my sweet little Platelet.I should see if she's okay, thought Spike, driving to the house that Giles, Joyce and Dawn now occupied. He slowed as he approached the dark, empty house. The first thing he noticed was that goddamn flashy red convertible. Why did it have to be a Mercedes, why? The next thing was the little pimp walking the Bit up to the door. Was that- yeah, that was his jacket around her shoulders. The old jacket trick. Nice try, poofter junior, but that one went out years ago. Not for poofter senior, though. Never got old with him, Spike thought to himself. Ugh, his hands were all over her. All up and down her arms, like. Sickening. As Connor leaned down to give Dawn a goodnight kiss, Spike jumped out of the car.
"Get the bleeding hell away from her, you wanker!" He shouted as they pulled away. Connor moved just in time to receive a nice little punch in the face from drunken Spike. This was unexpected, and Connor fell over. "You stay away from her. I'll kill you, do you understand? I'll fucking kill you!" His knees went weak and he stumbled. "Whoa!" He caught himself before he fell over, and he grabbed Connor by the back of the shirt. He threw him onto the lawn and Connor groaned in pain, landing on his stomach. Spike strode over, and as Connor started to get up, Spike gave him a swift kick in the rib, making him fall again. "You like that, you sodding pervert?" Spike asked, words slurred as he kicked him again. He kicked him for the third time, then flipped him over so he was lying on his back in pain. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I not hurt you enough? Cos that can be fixed." With that, he punched him in the face. Something made a crunching sound. Probably a broken nose. Spike grinned at this thought, and punched him again. He heard a scream from Dawn, but didn't care. He was no longer concerned with why he was beating this kid, but how much pain he was causing him. He repeatedly punched him, until another cry out from Dawn came.
"Stop it, Spike! Stop!" She ran over and tried to grab her brother's shoulder to pull him away, and he punched her across her face. She stumbled back, not so much from the blow itself, but more from the shock and fear of it all. Her nose started to bleed. She always knew her brother could fight. This wasn't her brother.
Spike froze. What did he just do? He hit Dawn. His little Platelet was bleeding from his punch. Dawn stared at him, tears streaming down her face.
"Bit, I.I didn't mean to.I mean, I meant to, but not you.I.please." Spike got up, and took a step towards her as she took a step back. Without a word, she walked past him and helped Connor up. They walked towards the car together. Connor was still feeling like shit, but he got in the car and turned on the ignition once Dawn was in. They drove off, leaving Spike alone on the lawn.
~
"Where should we go?" Dawn asked Connor. "Can you even drive?"
"I can drive with both my arms off. Only I, well, can't. Not literally, anyway."
"I'm laughing on the inside. But we can't just drive around the whole night."
"Well, we could go back to my place. But my mom would flip if I brought a girl back there and if I came back in this condition."
"How about Oz and Xander's?" Dawn suggested.
"Spike might go back there. Hey, how about Brianna's? I've met her, she's cool enough to take us in for a night."
"Okay, let's go there."
Once at Brianna's building, Connor got out of the car. He went up and buzzed her apartment. No answer. He backed up a few paces and looked up to the fifth floor. There were lights on. Kinda flickery. Oh. Candles. OH.
"Can't go there." Connor said, getting back in the car.
"Why?" Dawn asked.
"Candles." Connor said, starting the car.
"I don't get it." Dawn thought for a minute. "Oooh. So, um, who else can we try?"
Connor thought. Someone who was not in the mix. Someone who cared about him enough to-
"Fred."
"Who's that?"