Troubled Times
Part 2
By: Silverstar
Hey everyone! Thanks to all who reviewed, even though I hoped for more than I got...But I'm very grateful for those that did ^^. I also want to take this time to say that I'm hoping to update more frequently then I did for previous fics because I have all the way through the 5th chapter written, and I'm working on the sixth right now. Okays.
Charmed Fanatic: Yes, Phoebe and Prue will be in this fic! So, don't worry. About Phoebe and her guy...well, you'll just have to wait and see.
Disclaimer: I still don't own Charmed ^_^
**********
Two Months Later...
The alarm went off at six and I stumbled out of bed to turn it off. I had forgotten to change the alarm setting on it since I had gotten fired yesterday. Marie said I was never on time and I always looked half-drunk and high when I came to work. I guess she was half-right. As I turned off the alarm I felt my stomach rumble and turn. I felt sick. Rushing to the bathroom, I got there just in time before yesterday's meal came back out. I hadn't heard from Jim for days. Where was he? I was going crazy. I needed him, I needed some drugs. I felt terrible without it, depressed, vulnerable, and worthless. After brushing my teeth and cleaning up, I went to get dressed. As I walked out of the bathroom I jumped in surprise. Jim was standing there with a small package.
"Jim!" I squealed and ran into his embrace. We kissed for a few moments before I broke away and looked at the package. "Did you bring it?" I asked and he smiled.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting, but I had to be careful. The cops were watching the docks were it was being shipped in." I nodded as he brought out the liquid and set up the needles for me. My hands were so shaky that I couldn't have done it if I had tried.
"Jim, how can you be so calm?" I asked and he laughed.
"Calm?! I was going nuts this morning till I got this. I know I should've waited for you but I couldn't. You understand baby?" I nodded. If I had gotten this stuff this morning I wouldn't have been able to wait. Finally, he gave me the needle and I slid it into my left arm. I immediately felt the effects and took another dosage. "You okay?" James asked, and I nodded.
"I'm just feeling a little depressed. I lost my job yesterday."
"Oh no," he said and I sighed as he brought me closer to him. "Well, I can help to cheer you up." I just smiled at my boyfriend, and let him lead me away from the world and up to heaven.
The next morning I woke up in bed alone, undressed, and feeling sick. The drugs were wearing off. In a second I found myself coughing and I was too weak to make it to the bathroom. A minute later I felt my eyelids close and let the comfort of the darkness surround me.
"...be...Phoebe!" I heard someone call my name, but my head hurt too much to make out who it was. Oh, the earth felt like it was shaking! Was it an earthquake? No, someone was shaking me...Taking in a deep breath, I started coughing and the shaking stopped. "Phoebe, can you hear me? Phoebe?!" Slowly, I opened my eyes and attempted to focus them. After a few minutes I saw Cassie's face in my vision and she wore the most worried expression I had ever seen.
"C...Cassie?" I whispered and I saw her smile.
"You're alive!" she shouted and I groaned at the loudness of her voice. "Oh, sorry," she whispered and I smiled weakly at her. "Can you sit up?" I heard her ask with concern and I wondered that myself. With Cassie's help I slowly lifted myself into a sitting position only to result in my stomach feeling sick.
"Uhhh, Cassie..." I managed to get out and in a second a bucket was in front of me and I was vomiting into it. It was only at this point that I remembered that I had no clothing on and reached out to wrap a blanket around myself. After I was done, Cassie but the bucket at the end of my bed and helped me to my feet. With her help, I made it to the bathroom and was able to take a shower and clean up. An hour later I was sitting on clean sheets on my bed wrapped in my dark blue robe. Cassie had changed the sheets and cleaned up the apartment. Wow, she sure made up for the time when she was away.
"Phoebe..." Taking a deep breath, I looked up at her and saw her expression. There was a 'tell me what's going on' look on her face and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started to cry. A minute later Cassie's arms were wrapped around me and I was sobbing into her shoulder. "Phoebe...What happened?" she asked when I had quieted a little. I looked up at my older friend and then looked down with shame. Slowly, I lifted the sleeves on both of my arms and turned them around. I saw Cassie's look of surprise at the numerous scars from injection after injection of the drugs Jim had been giving me. I slowly looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes. "Phoebe..." Her tears led to my tears and I broke down once again. As I was crying into her shoulder I quickly sat up and covered my mouth with my hand. Getting the message, Cassie helped me to the bathroom just in time. When I emerged I found Cassie sitting on her bed with Katri. I went over to join her and scratched the cat behind her ears. I was rewarded when she started to purr.
"Cassie..." She looked up at me and I struggled to hold back my tears. "I really don't know when things got so messed up." She nodded and I looked down at Katri. She was so happy and content at this moment...Receiving all the love and attention she could ever want.
"Tell me...from the beginning," Cassie said. I might of been taken back by the demand, but she said it with love, gentleness, and genuine friendship. Nodding at my friend, I thought back to the beginning. I told her of my first weeks with James, to the night at the club and my first injection. I told her of his split personalities and how I never knew what to expect with him. She looked at me in shock when I cried about how he'd get me drunk and let his friends do things to me. She cried with me when I admitted my addiction to the drugs...and how I didn't even know what he was giving me. She brought me into a hug when I told her I didn't think I'd be able to live without him or the drugs and finally, at the end, she picked up the phone.
"Who are you calling?" I asked in panic, struggling to get up and take the phone from her. I was too weak.
"I'm calling your sisters," she said, and my eyes opened wide.
"No, please Cassie, don't call them! They already consider me the screw-up of the family!" She looked at me for a while and then walked over closer to me with the phone. "Phoebe, you need to go home. It's the best place for you right now."
"What about James?" I asked and I saw tears come to her eyes.
"If James really loved you, would he have given you this stuff?" she asked, and I looked over at where she was pointing. On my dresser was the rest of the package that he had left for me. Upon seeing it, my eyes went wide and I couldn't stop myself from getting up and making my way across the room. Cassie was too quick though, and shoved me back onto her bed. "Phoebe!" she called out but I shook my head.
"He does love me! If he didn't he would've taken the stuff for himself! He knows how much I need it!" I looked at Cassie with rage as she picked up the drugs and pocketed them.
"Phoebe, you need to stop now." she said in a determined voice, and I broke down crying. What was I doing? "I'm calling your sisters and you're going back to San Francisco." I looked up at Cassie and shook my head, but it was futile.
"Please...I'll go back...but don't tell them...please don't tell them any of this," I begged and looked at Cassie with pleading eyes.
"Okay," she finally said. "I'll just tell them to expect you home. But promise me you'll call every week, or I'll be coming down there." I nodded and watched as Cassie dialed the phone number.
"Hello? Hi, Piper? This is Cassie, Phoebe's friend. Yeah, I was over your house a few times in high school....yeah, Prue's class. How are you? I'm fine. Well, you know Phoebe and I have been sharing an apartment together in New York. Oh, she's doing...okay. She just asked me to call for her. Yeah, she's planning on coming home. How soon? I'm sending her on a plane in the morning. Yes, I know it's short notice, but do you mind? That's great. Well, I'll talk to you soon. Okay, bye." I looked up at Cassie as she hung up the phone and smiled down at me. "Piper said she'll be looking for you tomorrow." I sighed and got up for some aspirin.
"I guess I should start packing."
***
I stood at the airport watching Cassie sort everything out. We were lucky, there were a few seats left on the plane and one of them was mine. As she gave the lady at the desk my luggage I looked around. I was beginning to feel jittery, nervous...it was the beginning of withdraw. Luckily, I had stolen the package that Cassie had thrown in the dumpster outside after she had fallen asleep the other night. I also had had a secret meeting with Jim.... ~~~
"James, it's Phoebe," I whispered over my cell right outside the apartment.
"Phoebe? What's wrong? Why are you whispering?"
"I can't explain now, I'll meet you at the bus stop." With that I hung up and headed out. When I got there I saw James standing next to the bench, waiting with nervousness. He rushed up to me when he saw me.
"What's wrong?" he asked and I wrapped my arms around him.
"It's my roommate...she found out and she's sending me on a plane tomorrow...back to San Francisco," I cried into his shoulder. I could feel him tighten his grip on me and then pulled away to look into my eyes.
"Do you have to go? Why don't you just stay with me?" he asked and I shook my head.
"You don't understand," I whispered. "Cassie will call my sisters if I don't go home. She'll tell them everything and then the police will be after us both. I don't want anything to happen to you..." I took in a deep breath as his lips were pushed onto mine and hungrily kissed him back. When we broke apart I had tears in my eyes. "I don't know how I'll live without you," I whispered and he stroked my head.
"Do what you have to do, but come back as soon as you can," he said and I nodded. A minute later I saw James reach down and pick up a bag. I hadn't even noticed it. "When I heard you on the phone I got worried," he explained and I peaked inside the bag. There were enough drugs in there to last me a while. "Take this with you. If you run out, call me. I'm not going to even ask for your address, I can't leave New York. My people need me." I nodded and took in his scent as he brought me close to him. "I can't call you either. I don't have the money for long distance and don't want any trouble with the cops." I nodded again and kissed him on the neck.
"I'll call you," I promised. When we broke away I saw the hurt in his eyes and I felt it inside of me.
"We'll find each other again," James reassured me and I nodded.
"I should get back before Cassie knows I'm gone," I whispered, and with that I took one last look at my guy...he loved me so much and I loved him. We'd get through this. "I'll be back as soon as I can," I called out as I ran back down the street and to my apartment... ~~~
"Phoebe!" I was pulled out of my thoughts by Cassie, standing there with my ticket and papers.
"Oh, sorry," I whispered and she smiled. She knew how hard this was for me. After picking up my messenger bag and putting it over my right shoulder I allowed Cassie to wrap her arm around my shoulders and help me to my departure gate. We were almost there when I stopped. "I'm going to use the bathroom," I told her and she said she'd be right back as well. Going into a stall, I quickly took the drugs from my bag and shoved the needle into my arm. When I was through, I flushed the toilette and put my supplies back in my bag. When I emerged from the bathroom I found Cassie waiting there with two coffees. I thanked her as she handed me mine and smiled inwardly. The drugs flowing in my blood stream felt good...they would definitely last the flight. When we got to the gate there was an announcement overhead.
"All passengers for the flight to San Francisco Airport please begin boarding now." I looked over at Cassie and gave her a small smile. Things seemed nicer now that I had given myself a dose. She smiled back and then engulfed me in a hug.
"Promise you'll call once a week. I don't even care if I'm not there. Just leave a message, okay?"
"Okay," I whispered as I returned the hug and we broke apart. I saw tears in Cassie's eyes and I knew there were some in mine as well. "Bye Cassie, be safe," I said and she gave me another hug.
"You're the on that should be safe. At least I know you'll be under close watch with your sisters. And don't you try anything. I'll be calling your house tonight. Okay?" I nodded, and with one more smile at Cassie I went up to the flight attendant. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Cassie waving and I waved back. With that, I walked forward and onto the plane. I wasn't looking forward to the three-hour plane ride at all.
"Can I get you anything?" I looked over at the stewardess and I think my face scared her, for she jumped a little, but stayed put. I was scowling just thinking about what was ahead of me...
"I'll have water, thanks," I said quietly and she smiled at my politeness. It was true I wasn't as much of a looker as I had been all my life. I knew I was skinnier and there were big bags and dark circles under my eyes all the time. I always looked tired, even when I was sleeping. As the stewardess handed me my water I smiled at her and then looked back out the window. We were flying over New York and towards my hometown...towards my old life and my sisters...I dreaded going back there. I knew I'd never get a moment's peace under that roof. Why was my life like this? Why? Sighing to myself, I brought out my headphones and settled back for the ride. I'd have a while to think, but when the time came I knew I wouldn't know what to say to my sisters.
***
I looked around the airport as I fumbled to get my two bags of luggage off the conveyor belt. I was here...San Francisco. Taking a deep breath, I made my way outside and into the sun. It was already one o'clock here because of the time difference. Hailing a taxi, I shoved my bags in the back and hopped in. After giving the driver directions to Prescott Street and the manner I sat back and proceeded to watch out the window. It would be another half-hour before we were there. Every second that went by made me more and more nervous. I didn't think I could take the waiting any longer when the manner came into view and we pulled up in front of it. It was then that I wished we were still driving. Still, I paid the cab driver and pulled my bags out of the car. With a wave, the driver was gone and I was standing out front of the house I had grown up in. Taking a deep breath, I made my way towards the front door and knocked. It was seconds later when the door opened to reveal my older sister Piper. She looked, well, pretty much the same from the last time I had seen her. A little older, but the same height, same weight, and same hair style. When she saw me she stood there for a second before giving me a huge smile and engulfing me in a hug. Finding her reaction to me funny, I hugged her back and allowed her to help me bring my bags inside.
"Phoebe, I've missed you so much," Piper began as we set the bags down at the foot of the stairs.
"I've missed you too," I said, feeling a little awkward but thinking it was the right thing to say.
"I was so surprised when your friend Cassie called yesterday. Why the big change? What's with the rush?" I looked at my sister and then shrugged.
"I don't know...I just needed a change of atmosphere," I replied and continued to glance around. Everything looked the same...like before Grams died...
"Oh, you must be hungry from the trip," Piper said and I picked up my bags. "Prue's at work, but I was just about to make lunch. Why don't you go settle in and I'll fix us something." I nodded as she left for the kitchen and I pulled my bags up to my room. Of course Prue wouldn't be here. She never cared for me anyways. Once in my room I closed and locked the door before pulling out Jim's bag from my larger suitcase. Looking around, I decided to stash it in a shoebox in the back of my closet. Feeling confident it was safe there, I unlocked the door and proceeded to unpack everything. Ten minutes later I heard a knock.
"Come in," I called as I folded up some shirts to put in my drawer. I looked up as Piper came into the room with a tray.
"Hey," she said and I nodded towards her. "I thought we could eat up here so that I could help you unpack."
"Okay," I replied and went over to clear the suitcase off my desk so she could put the tray down. Smiling at me, Piper handed me a sandwich and a bottled water. "Thanks," I said as I took them from her and went to sit on my bed. She followed suit. I could feel my sister watching me as I took a bite of my sandwich and opened my water with a fumbling hand.
"So, what's new with you?" she asked and I shrugged.
"Nothing really," I lied and drank some of my water. "What about you?" I asked.
"Well, I'm currently working at the bank and Prue's at Bucklands. I took off today so someone would be here when you got home."
"Oh, you didn't have to do that," I said, getting up to unpack some more.
"Of course I did," she replied and got up to help me "I haven't seen you for months!" I smiled at my sister and looked down when I felt something rub against my ankles. It was Kit.
"Hey Kit," I cooed, bending down to scratch her behind the ears. She purred in response and Piper bent down too.
"Did you miss her?" she asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, but Cassie has a cat too, so she kept me company." Getting up, I continued to unpack and Piper gathered up the tray.
"I'll leave your sandwich up here for you. Just bring down the plate when you're done unpacking," she told me.
"Okay," I responded as Piper left and I sighed. I felt so tense around her...I just didn't want my sisters finding out why I was here. That was all. Fifteen minutes later I had unpacked and I picked up the plate of my uneaten sandwich. Not hungry at all, I made my way downstairs to throw it in the trash. On my way down I heard Piper on the phone. Stopping on the stairs to listen, I heard that she was talking to Prue.
"Prue...Hi. Yeah, Phoebe's home and...she doesn't look too good. Well, she's so much skinnier and she has these dark circles under hr eyes. Yeah...She only ate a bite of the sandwich I made for her. I'm worried...I know she didn't tell me the real reason she was here...Yeah...We'll talk when you get home. Okay...Love you...Bye." I waited as Piper went out of the kitchen and into the sunroom before slowly descending the rest of the stairs and going into the kitchen. Throwing the food away, I put the plate in the sink and quickly made my way back to my room. I needed some sleep.
***
*THUMP* *THUMP* Uhhh...I slowly opened my eyes and realized that someone was knocking on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked as I groggily sat up attempted to clear my head.
"It's Prue," I heard my eldest sister call from outside my door. "May I come in?"
"Sure," I said, sighing to myself as the door opened to reveal my sister. I watched as she slowly closed the door and walked over towards me. Yep...she was just like I remembered. Prue still had that dark short hair that made her look so much older and a black suit from the office. I saw a little wrinkle appear across her forehead when she looked at me, but was taken aback when her frown turned into a small smile.
"Phoebe..." I starred up at my sister as she stood there, looking unsure of what to do or say. "I'm sorry, you were sleeping...I can come back later," she said, making her way towards the door.
"No," I called out, surprising Prue and myself. "It's alright. I was just a little jet lagged, but if I sleep now I won't be able to sleep tonight." She nodded and then joined me on the bed.
"So, how was the Big Apple?" she asked, and I smiled a little at her words. The Big Apple...well, an apple a day didn't keep the doctor away, that's for sure.
"It was okay," I said, looking down at my arms. I could almost see my New York scars by just looking at the sleeves of my shirt. I jumped when I felt something on my shoulder and looked over to see Prue, her hand on my shoulder, and smiling.
"Phoebe, no matter why you left New York, we're just glad you're home. Grams would have wanted it this way." I looked at my sister as she quietly got up and opened my bedroom door. "Dinner's in five," she said, and then shut the door as she left. I starred at my closed door for a few moments before getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. Was Prue actually nice to me? It must be a first. When I reached the bathroom and started to brush my hair and clean up for dinner I couldn't keep my eyes off the mirror...my reflection. It was why Prue was nice to me...I was less...just that...less. When I left for New York I was more...I had more then Prue had, than Piper had...I had freedom and spirit, beauty and excitement...Now...it was all gone. But, I could deal with that, I could accept it as long as I didn't have to give up what Jim had given me. After washing my face and hands I shakily opened the door and headed downstairs. Prue was just sitting down at the kitchen table and Piper was setting out the food. It was pasta and salad. I quietly made my way into the kitchen and grabbed a bottled water before taking a deep breath and heading out to the table. I hoped and prayed that I wasn't going to be bombarded with questions. I slowly took my place at the table and felt the silence in the room. It was paining...still, I couldn't bring myself to start up a conversation...I didn't even want to be here. I wanted to be with Jim. I looked up as Piper started to pile food onto my plate, and then hers and Prue's. I slowly unscrewed the water bottle with shaky hands and took a sip. The coolness felt so great going down my throat. Taking a deep breath, I picked up my roll and started to break little pieces off it. I had to eat something. Piper had made this dinner for me, after all. After putting a piece of the roll into my mouth I chewed it slowly and looked around. Piper was concentrating on her food, obviously feeling awkward with the silence. Prue was looking at me and when I looked over at her she smiled and continued to eat. The silence didn't really bother me. It was a nice change from the nights in New York...but Jim was in New York...I missed him...
"So, Prue, how was work?" Piper asked and I looked over at Prue at the sound of her name.
"It was okay, just a little busy. Pretty normal though," she answered and I saw Piper smile. She enjoyed conversation.
"How was your day?" Prue asked. Piper shrugged and proceeded to talk in between bites.
"I just stayed home, cleaned up a little, welcomed Phoebe home, and made dinner. It was a nice break." Prue nodded and then did what I dreaded and knew she was going to do. She turned to me.
"What about you Phoebe?" she asked and I put the half of the roll down that I hadn't eaten yet. I couldn't just sit here and not answer, though I wished I wasn't asked to talk. Talking about New York made me miss Jim, and missing Jim made me want to go upstairs and take more drugs. Unfortunately, I had to ration them since I only had a limited supply.
"I got up early and had Cassie take me to the airport...and then I came here and unpacked. Nothing really more than that," I mumbled.
"How is Cassie?" Piper asked, and I looked over at her. "She was so nice on the phone yesterday. Is she doing alright?" I nodded my head and took a sip of water.
"She's fine...always running off un-expectantly and returning with even less notice." Piper nodded as I took another sip of water and started to pick at my pasta, eating a few noodles every now and then. I drifted off into my own mind as Prue and Piper started talking about money, bills, and work...I wanted to go back to New York...I hadn't even been here one day, and yet I felt miserable...I missed Jim...When the phone rang I was jolted out of my thoughts and watched as Piper left the room to go get it. She returned two seconds later with the portable phone and held it out for me.
"It's Cassie," she said and I slowly reached out to take the phone. Picking up my plate and water, I walked into the kitchen to throw away the uneaten food, and brought the water and phone up to my room.
"Thanks for dinner," I mumbled as I trudged up the stairs. "Hello," I said after locking the door and sitting down on my bed.
"Phoebe? Oh, Thank God! How are you? How's life over there? How're your sisters?" I smiled at Cassie's questions and then sighed.
"I only just got here Cassie, but I can tell you that it's so different from New York...so quiet...in a good way and in a bad one."
"I know what you mean," she said and I nodded.
"My sisters seem happy to have me home...but I know I'm just disrupting their lives. I wish I was back in New York..."
"Now look here Halliwell," Cassie said in a stern voice. "Don't you try to guilt me into letting you come back. You have to stay over there and get well. It's what's best for you. Listen to me! You need to put Jim and your New York life behind you. Stay in San Francisco and start over. Do you hear me?"
"Yes...I hear you Cassie..." I said, looking longingly at my framed picture of Jim that I had put on my bureau.
"Phoebe...I know you too well to think that you've given up on Jim. I'm asking you and pleading with you as a friend...Move on." There was silence for a moment before I spoke.
"I'll try Cassie," I mumbled, knowing that was what she wanted to hear.
"Good, now let me tell you about my new guy." I smiled at her quickness in changing the subject and sat back to listen to her speak.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Hey everyone! Thanks to all who reviewed, even though I hoped for more than I got...But I'm very grateful for those that did ^^. I also want to take this time to say that I'm hoping to update more frequently then I did for previous fics because I have all the way through the 5th chapter written, and I'm working on the sixth right now. Okays.
Charmed Fanatic: Yes, Phoebe and Prue will be in this fic! So, don't worry. About Phoebe and her guy...well, you'll just have to wait and see.
Disclaimer: I still don't own Charmed ^_^
**********
Two Months Later...
The alarm went off at six and I stumbled out of bed to turn it off. I had forgotten to change the alarm setting on it since I had gotten fired yesterday. Marie said I was never on time and I always looked half-drunk and high when I came to work. I guess she was half-right. As I turned off the alarm I felt my stomach rumble and turn. I felt sick. Rushing to the bathroom, I got there just in time before yesterday's meal came back out. I hadn't heard from Jim for days. Where was he? I was going crazy. I needed him, I needed some drugs. I felt terrible without it, depressed, vulnerable, and worthless. After brushing my teeth and cleaning up, I went to get dressed. As I walked out of the bathroom I jumped in surprise. Jim was standing there with a small package.
"Jim!" I squealed and ran into his embrace. We kissed for a few moments before I broke away and looked at the package. "Did you bring it?" I asked and he smiled.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting, but I had to be careful. The cops were watching the docks were it was being shipped in." I nodded as he brought out the liquid and set up the needles for me. My hands were so shaky that I couldn't have done it if I had tried.
"Jim, how can you be so calm?" I asked and he laughed.
"Calm?! I was going nuts this morning till I got this. I know I should've waited for you but I couldn't. You understand baby?" I nodded. If I had gotten this stuff this morning I wouldn't have been able to wait. Finally, he gave me the needle and I slid it into my left arm. I immediately felt the effects and took another dosage. "You okay?" James asked, and I nodded.
"I'm just feeling a little depressed. I lost my job yesterday."
"Oh no," he said and I sighed as he brought me closer to him. "Well, I can help to cheer you up." I just smiled at my boyfriend, and let him lead me away from the world and up to heaven.
The next morning I woke up in bed alone, undressed, and feeling sick. The drugs were wearing off. In a second I found myself coughing and I was too weak to make it to the bathroom. A minute later I felt my eyelids close and let the comfort of the darkness surround me.
"...be...Phoebe!" I heard someone call my name, but my head hurt too much to make out who it was. Oh, the earth felt like it was shaking! Was it an earthquake? No, someone was shaking me...Taking in a deep breath, I started coughing and the shaking stopped. "Phoebe, can you hear me? Phoebe?!" Slowly, I opened my eyes and attempted to focus them. After a few minutes I saw Cassie's face in my vision and she wore the most worried expression I had ever seen.
"C...Cassie?" I whispered and I saw her smile.
"You're alive!" she shouted and I groaned at the loudness of her voice. "Oh, sorry," she whispered and I smiled weakly at her. "Can you sit up?" I heard her ask with concern and I wondered that myself. With Cassie's help I slowly lifted myself into a sitting position only to result in my stomach feeling sick.
"Uhhh, Cassie..." I managed to get out and in a second a bucket was in front of me and I was vomiting into it. It was only at this point that I remembered that I had no clothing on and reached out to wrap a blanket around myself. After I was done, Cassie but the bucket at the end of my bed and helped me to my feet. With her help, I made it to the bathroom and was able to take a shower and clean up. An hour later I was sitting on clean sheets on my bed wrapped in my dark blue robe. Cassie had changed the sheets and cleaned up the apartment. Wow, she sure made up for the time when she was away.
"Phoebe..." Taking a deep breath, I looked up at her and saw her expression. There was a 'tell me what's going on' look on her face and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started to cry. A minute later Cassie's arms were wrapped around me and I was sobbing into her shoulder. "Phoebe...What happened?" she asked when I had quieted a little. I looked up at my older friend and then looked down with shame. Slowly, I lifted the sleeves on both of my arms and turned them around. I saw Cassie's look of surprise at the numerous scars from injection after injection of the drugs Jim had been giving me. I slowly looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes. "Phoebe..." Her tears led to my tears and I broke down once again. As I was crying into her shoulder I quickly sat up and covered my mouth with my hand. Getting the message, Cassie helped me to the bathroom just in time. When I emerged I found Cassie sitting on her bed with Katri. I went over to join her and scratched the cat behind her ears. I was rewarded when she started to purr.
"Cassie..." She looked up at me and I struggled to hold back my tears. "I really don't know when things got so messed up." She nodded and I looked down at Katri. She was so happy and content at this moment...Receiving all the love and attention she could ever want.
"Tell me...from the beginning," Cassie said. I might of been taken back by the demand, but she said it with love, gentleness, and genuine friendship. Nodding at my friend, I thought back to the beginning. I told her of my first weeks with James, to the night at the club and my first injection. I told her of his split personalities and how I never knew what to expect with him. She looked at me in shock when I cried about how he'd get me drunk and let his friends do things to me. She cried with me when I admitted my addiction to the drugs...and how I didn't even know what he was giving me. She brought me into a hug when I told her I didn't think I'd be able to live without him or the drugs and finally, at the end, she picked up the phone.
"Who are you calling?" I asked in panic, struggling to get up and take the phone from her. I was too weak.
"I'm calling your sisters," she said, and my eyes opened wide.
"No, please Cassie, don't call them! They already consider me the screw-up of the family!" She looked at me for a while and then walked over closer to me with the phone. "Phoebe, you need to go home. It's the best place for you right now."
"What about James?" I asked and I saw tears come to her eyes.
"If James really loved you, would he have given you this stuff?" she asked, and I looked over at where she was pointing. On my dresser was the rest of the package that he had left for me. Upon seeing it, my eyes went wide and I couldn't stop myself from getting up and making my way across the room. Cassie was too quick though, and shoved me back onto her bed. "Phoebe!" she called out but I shook my head.
"He does love me! If he didn't he would've taken the stuff for himself! He knows how much I need it!" I looked at Cassie with rage as she picked up the drugs and pocketed them.
"Phoebe, you need to stop now." she said in a determined voice, and I broke down crying. What was I doing? "I'm calling your sisters and you're going back to San Francisco." I looked up at Cassie and shook my head, but it was futile.
"Please...I'll go back...but don't tell them...please don't tell them any of this," I begged and looked at Cassie with pleading eyes.
"Okay," she finally said. "I'll just tell them to expect you home. But promise me you'll call every week, or I'll be coming down there." I nodded and watched as Cassie dialed the phone number.
"Hello? Hi, Piper? This is Cassie, Phoebe's friend. Yeah, I was over your house a few times in high school....yeah, Prue's class. How are you? I'm fine. Well, you know Phoebe and I have been sharing an apartment together in New York. Oh, she's doing...okay. She just asked me to call for her. Yeah, she's planning on coming home. How soon? I'm sending her on a plane in the morning. Yes, I know it's short notice, but do you mind? That's great. Well, I'll talk to you soon. Okay, bye." I looked up at Cassie as she hung up the phone and smiled down at me. "Piper said she'll be looking for you tomorrow." I sighed and got up for some aspirin.
"I guess I should start packing."
***
I stood at the airport watching Cassie sort everything out. We were lucky, there were a few seats left on the plane and one of them was mine. As she gave the lady at the desk my luggage I looked around. I was beginning to feel jittery, nervous...it was the beginning of withdraw. Luckily, I had stolen the package that Cassie had thrown in the dumpster outside after she had fallen asleep the other night. I also had had a secret meeting with Jim.... ~~~
"James, it's Phoebe," I whispered over my cell right outside the apartment.
"Phoebe? What's wrong? Why are you whispering?"
"I can't explain now, I'll meet you at the bus stop." With that I hung up and headed out. When I got there I saw James standing next to the bench, waiting with nervousness. He rushed up to me when he saw me.
"What's wrong?" he asked and I wrapped my arms around him.
"It's my roommate...she found out and she's sending me on a plane tomorrow...back to San Francisco," I cried into his shoulder. I could feel him tighten his grip on me and then pulled away to look into my eyes.
"Do you have to go? Why don't you just stay with me?" he asked and I shook my head.
"You don't understand," I whispered. "Cassie will call my sisters if I don't go home. She'll tell them everything and then the police will be after us both. I don't want anything to happen to you..." I took in a deep breath as his lips were pushed onto mine and hungrily kissed him back. When we broke apart I had tears in my eyes. "I don't know how I'll live without you," I whispered and he stroked my head.
"Do what you have to do, but come back as soon as you can," he said and I nodded. A minute later I saw James reach down and pick up a bag. I hadn't even noticed it. "When I heard you on the phone I got worried," he explained and I peaked inside the bag. There were enough drugs in there to last me a while. "Take this with you. If you run out, call me. I'm not going to even ask for your address, I can't leave New York. My people need me." I nodded and took in his scent as he brought me close to him. "I can't call you either. I don't have the money for long distance and don't want any trouble with the cops." I nodded again and kissed him on the neck.
"I'll call you," I promised. When we broke away I saw the hurt in his eyes and I felt it inside of me.
"We'll find each other again," James reassured me and I nodded.
"I should get back before Cassie knows I'm gone," I whispered, and with that I took one last look at my guy...he loved me so much and I loved him. We'd get through this. "I'll be back as soon as I can," I called out as I ran back down the street and to my apartment... ~~~
"Phoebe!" I was pulled out of my thoughts by Cassie, standing there with my ticket and papers.
"Oh, sorry," I whispered and she smiled. She knew how hard this was for me. After picking up my messenger bag and putting it over my right shoulder I allowed Cassie to wrap her arm around my shoulders and help me to my departure gate. We were almost there when I stopped. "I'm going to use the bathroom," I told her and she said she'd be right back as well. Going into a stall, I quickly took the drugs from my bag and shoved the needle into my arm. When I was through, I flushed the toilette and put my supplies back in my bag. When I emerged from the bathroom I found Cassie waiting there with two coffees. I thanked her as she handed me mine and smiled inwardly. The drugs flowing in my blood stream felt good...they would definitely last the flight. When we got to the gate there was an announcement overhead.
"All passengers for the flight to San Francisco Airport please begin boarding now." I looked over at Cassie and gave her a small smile. Things seemed nicer now that I had given myself a dose. She smiled back and then engulfed me in a hug.
"Promise you'll call once a week. I don't even care if I'm not there. Just leave a message, okay?"
"Okay," I whispered as I returned the hug and we broke apart. I saw tears in Cassie's eyes and I knew there were some in mine as well. "Bye Cassie, be safe," I said and she gave me another hug.
"You're the on that should be safe. At least I know you'll be under close watch with your sisters. And don't you try anything. I'll be calling your house tonight. Okay?" I nodded, and with one more smile at Cassie I went up to the flight attendant. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Cassie waving and I waved back. With that, I walked forward and onto the plane. I wasn't looking forward to the three-hour plane ride at all.
"Can I get you anything?" I looked over at the stewardess and I think my face scared her, for she jumped a little, but stayed put. I was scowling just thinking about what was ahead of me...
"I'll have water, thanks," I said quietly and she smiled at my politeness. It was true I wasn't as much of a looker as I had been all my life. I knew I was skinnier and there were big bags and dark circles under my eyes all the time. I always looked tired, even when I was sleeping. As the stewardess handed me my water I smiled at her and then looked back out the window. We were flying over New York and towards my hometown...towards my old life and my sisters...I dreaded going back there. I knew I'd never get a moment's peace under that roof. Why was my life like this? Why? Sighing to myself, I brought out my headphones and settled back for the ride. I'd have a while to think, but when the time came I knew I wouldn't know what to say to my sisters.
***
I looked around the airport as I fumbled to get my two bags of luggage off the conveyor belt. I was here...San Francisco. Taking a deep breath, I made my way outside and into the sun. It was already one o'clock here because of the time difference. Hailing a taxi, I shoved my bags in the back and hopped in. After giving the driver directions to Prescott Street and the manner I sat back and proceeded to watch out the window. It would be another half-hour before we were there. Every second that went by made me more and more nervous. I didn't think I could take the waiting any longer when the manner came into view and we pulled up in front of it. It was then that I wished we were still driving. Still, I paid the cab driver and pulled my bags out of the car. With a wave, the driver was gone and I was standing out front of the house I had grown up in. Taking a deep breath, I made my way towards the front door and knocked. It was seconds later when the door opened to reveal my older sister Piper. She looked, well, pretty much the same from the last time I had seen her. A little older, but the same height, same weight, and same hair style. When she saw me she stood there for a second before giving me a huge smile and engulfing me in a hug. Finding her reaction to me funny, I hugged her back and allowed her to help me bring my bags inside.
"Phoebe, I've missed you so much," Piper began as we set the bags down at the foot of the stairs.
"I've missed you too," I said, feeling a little awkward but thinking it was the right thing to say.
"I was so surprised when your friend Cassie called yesterday. Why the big change? What's with the rush?" I looked at my sister and then shrugged.
"I don't know...I just needed a change of atmosphere," I replied and continued to glance around. Everything looked the same...like before Grams died...
"Oh, you must be hungry from the trip," Piper said and I picked up my bags. "Prue's at work, but I was just about to make lunch. Why don't you go settle in and I'll fix us something." I nodded as she left for the kitchen and I pulled my bags up to my room. Of course Prue wouldn't be here. She never cared for me anyways. Once in my room I closed and locked the door before pulling out Jim's bag from my larger suitcase. Looking around, I decided to stash it in a shoebox in the back of my closet. Feeling confident it was safe there, I unlocked the door and proceeded to unpack everything. Ten minutes later I heard a knock.
"Come in," I called as I folded up some shirts to put in my drawer. I looked up as Piper came into the room with a tray.
"Hey," she said and I nodded towards her. "I thought we could eat up here so that I could help you unpack."
"Okay," I replied and went over to clear the suitcase off my desk so she could put the tray down. Smiling at me, Piper handed me a sandwich and a bottled water. "Thanks," I said as I took them from her and went to sit on my bed. She followed suit. I could feel my sister watching me as I took a bite of my sandwich and opened my water with a fumbling hand.
"So, what's new with you?" she asked and I shrugged.
"Nothing really," I lied and drank some of my water. "What about you?" I asked.
"Well, I'm currently working at the bank and Prue's at Bucklands. I took off today so someone would be here when you got home."
"Oh, you didn't have to do that," I said, getting up to unpack some more.
"Of course I did," she replied and got up to help me "I haven't seen you for months!" I smiled at my sister and looked down when I felt something rub against my ankles. It was Kit.
"Hey Kit," I cooed, bending down to scratch her behind the ears. She purred in response and Piper bent down too.
"Did you miss her?" she asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, but Cassie has a cat too, so she kept me company." Getting up, I continued to unpack and Piper gathered up the tray.
"I'll leave your sandwich up here for you. Just bring down the plate when you're done unpacking," she told me.
"Okay," I responded as Piper left and I sighed. I felt so tense around her...I just didn't want my sisters finding out why I was here. That was all. Fifteen minutes later I had unpacked and I picked up the plate of my uneaten sandwich. Not hungry at all, I made my way downstairs to throw it in the trash. On my way down I heard Piper on the phone. Stopping on the stairs to listen, I heard that she was talking to Prue.
"Prue...Hi. Yeah, Phoebe's home and...she doesn't look too good. Well, she's so much skinnier and she has these dark circles under hr eyes. Yeah...She only ate a bite of the sandwich I made for her. I'm worried...I know she didn't tell me the real reason she was here...Yeah...We'll talk when you get home. Okay...Love you...Bye." I waited as Piper went out of the kitchen and into the sunroom before slowly descending the rest of the stairs and going into the kitchen. Throwing the food away, I put the plate in the sink and quickly made my way back to my room. I needed some sleep.
***
*THUMP* *THUMP* Uhhh...I slowly opened my eyes and realized that someone was knocking on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked as I groggily sat up attempted to clear my head.
"It's Prue," I heard my eldest sister call from outside my door. "May I come in?"
"Sure," I said, sighing to myself as the door opened to reveal my sister. I watched as she slowly closed the door and walked over towards me. Yep...she was just like I remembered. Prue still had that dark short hair that made her look so much older and a black suit from the office. I saw a little wrinkle appear across her forehead when she looked at me, but was taken aback when her frown turned into a small smile.
"Phoebe..." I starred up at my sister as she stood there, looking unsure of what to do or say. "I'm sorry, you were sleeping...I can come back later," she said, making her way towards the door.
"No," I called out, surprising Prue and myself. "It's alright. I was just a little jet lagged, but if I sleep now I won't be able to sleep tonight." She nodded and then joined me on the bed.
"So, how was the Big Apple?" she asked, and I smiled a little at her words. The Big Apple...well, an apple a day didn't keep the doctor away, that's for sure.
"It was okay," I said, looking down at my arms. I could almost see my New York scars by just looking at the sleeves of my shirt. I jumped when I felt something on my shoulder and looked over to see Prue, her hand on my shoulder, and smiling.
"Phoebe, no matter why you left New York, we're just glad you're home. Grams would have wanted it this way." I looked at my sister as she quietly got up and opened my bedroom door. "Dinner's in five," she said, and then shut the door as she left. I starred at my closed door for a few moments before getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. Was Prue actually nice to me? It must be a first. When I reached the bathroom and started to brush my hair and clean up for dinner I couldn't keep my eyes off the mirror...my reflection. It was why Prue was nice to me...I was less...just that...less. When I left for New York I was more...I had more then Prue had, than Piper had...I had freedom and spirit, beauty and excitement...Now...it was all gone. But, I could deal with that, I could accept it as long as I didn't have to give up what Jim had given me. After washing my face and hands I shakily opened the door and headed downstairs. Prue was just sitting down at the kitchen table and Piper was setting out the food. It was pasta and salad. I quietly made my way into the kitchen and grabbed a bottled water before taking a deep breath and heading out to the table. I hoped and prayed that I wasn't going to be bombarded with questions. I slowly took my place at the table and felt the silence in the room. It was paining...still, I couldn't bring myself to start up a conversation...I didn't even want to be here. I wanted to be with Jim. I looked up as Piper started to pile food onto my plate, and then hers and Prue's. I slowly unscrewed the water bottle with shaky hands and took a sip. The coolness felt so great going down my throat. Taking a deep breath, I picked up my roll and started to break little pieces off it. I had to eat something. Piper had made this dinner for me, after all. After putting a piece of the roll into my mouth I chewed it slowly and looked around. Piper was concentrating on her food, obviously feeling awkward with the silence. Prue was looking at me and when I looked over at her she smiled and continued to eat. The silence didn't really bother me. It was a nice change from the nights in New York...but Jim was in New York...I missed him...
"So, Prue, how was work?" Piper asked and I looked over at Prue at the sound of her name.
"It was okay, just a little busy. Pretty normal though," she answered and I saw Piper smile. She enjoyed conversation.
"How was your day?" Prue asked. Piper shrugged and proceeded to talk in between bites.
"I just stayed home, cleaned up a little, welcomed Phoebe home, and made dinner. It was a nice break." Prue nodded and then did what I dreaded and knew she was going to do. She turned to me.
"What about you Phoebe?" she asked and I put the half of the roll down that I hadn't eaten yet. I couldn't just sit here and not answer, though I wished I wasn't asked to talk. Talking about New York made me miss Jim, and missing Jim made me want to go upstairs and take more drugs. Unfortunately, I had to ration them since I only had a limited supply.
"I got up early and had Cassie take me to the airport...and then I came here and unpacked. Nothing really more than that," I mumbled.
"How is Cassie?" Piper asked, and I looked over at her. "She was so nice on the phone yesterday. Is she doing alright?" I nodded my head and took a sip of water.
"She's fine...always running off un-expectantly and returning with even less notice." Piper nodded as I took another sip of water and started to pick at my pasta, eating a few noodles every now and then. I drifted off into my own mind as Prue and Piper started talking about money, bills, and work...I wanted to go back to New York...I hadn't even been here one day, and yet I felt miserable...I missed Jim...When the phone rang I was jolted out of my thoughts and watched as Piper left the room to go get it. She returned two seconds later with the portable phone and held it out for me.
"It's Cassie," she said and I slowly reached out to take the phone. Picking up my plate and water, I walked into the kitchen to throw away the uneaten food, and brought the water and phone up to my room.
"Thanks for dinner," I mumbled as I trudged up the stairs. "Hello," I said after locking the door and sitting down on my bed.
"Phoebe? Oh, Thank God! How are you? How's life over there? How're your sisters?" I smiled at Cassie's questions and then sighed.
"I only just got here Cassie, but I can tell you that it's so different from New York...so quiet...in a good way and in a bad one."
"I know what you mean," she said and I nodded.
"My sisters seem happy to have me home...but I know I'm just disrupting their lives. I wish I was back in New York..."
"Now look here Halliwell," Cassie said in a stern voice. "Don't you try to guilt me into letting you come back. You have to stay over there and get well. It's what's best for you. Listen to me! You need to put Jim and your New York life behind you. Stay in San Francisco and start over. Do you hear me?"
"Yes...I hear you Cassie..." I said, looking longingly at my framed picture of Jim that I had put on my bureau.
"Phoebe...I know you too well to think that you've given up on Jim. I'm asking you and pleading with you as a friend...Move on." There was silence for a moment before I spoke.
"I'll try Cassie," I mumbled, knowing that was what she wanted to hear.
"Good, now let me tell you about my new guy." I smiled at her quickness in changing the subject and sat back to listen to her speak.
TO BE CONTINUED...