Troubled Times
Part 3
By: Silverstar
Here it is, the next chapter! I hope everyone enjoys.
To Charmed Fanatic: Thank you so much! You really do inspire me to keep writing. ^^ Your review put me in such high spirits, so I want to thank you lots. About Katri the cat, let's just say that when Cassie saw Phoebe like that (defeated and in a very dark place) she came to her senses a little and started hanging around her apartment more.
Disclaimer: ME = FAN. FAN ยน OWNER ^___^
**********
A few days later...
Slowly...very slowly...I opened my eyes. The room seemed so bright and my head was pounding. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly sat up. I gently massaged my forehead with my index and pointer fingers as I looked around. My vision was a little blurry, but it improved as I continued to blink my eyes and focus on only one point across the room. I vaguely remembered the events of the previous night...Prue...she had come running into my room just as I was about to pull my beloved shoe box out of the closet...Something about me not moving my laundry over quick enough...Oh, such a fight...I remember...I locked the door and took some of my life force from the box. Energetic and high, I had climbed out the window and went to party at some of the night clubs...such a crazy night...
Looking at the clock, I saw that it was already two in the afternoon. I didn't know what time I had climbed back into my room and fell onto my bed in exhaustion, but I knew I had probably been sleeping for a while...Still, It didn't matter. I could sleep for as long as I liked and I was still tired. Getting up, I picked up some sweatpants and a sweatshirt before heading over to fumble with my lock. I was always so cold nowadays...I guess because I've lost so much weight. After unlatching my lock, I headed straight for the bathroom to take a shower. My stomach was a little queasy, and that scared me. The booze I had absorbed last night was forcing my body into a hangover, and I didn't want to throw-up all of my drugs...I only had enough for a couple of weeks if I was careful and I didn't want to waist it...
"I...I don't think I'll make it," I cried to myself as I stepped into the shower and let the cool water refresh me. By the time I was dressed it was three o'clock, but I knew that no one was home yet. Piper didn't get in till around five and Prue wouldn't be here till six. Sighing to myself, I trudged downstairs to grab a bottle of water. After picking up the portable phone and my water I fell onto the couch and starred at the numbers on the phone. Should I call? I missed him so much...Looking around, I felt confident that my sisters wouldn't be home soon, so I turned it on and slowly dialed his number...RING...RING...RING...RI-
"Hello?" I heard a slurred voice from the other end...I smiled, knowing he had been sleeping, but he'd have to get up for work soon anyway.
"Hey," I whispered, and there was silence on the other end.
"Ph...Phoebe?" he asked, and I laughed.
"Yeah, who did you think it was? I'm the only girl who knows your private number."
"Phoebe! Oh God, how are you? I've been waiting forever to hear from you!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, Please Jim, it's only been a few days," I replied but he continued to insist.
"No...It's seemed like forever. I miss you baby, when are you coming home?" I frowned at this and felt the tears well up in my eyes. "Phoebe? Are you crying? What's wrong?"
"It's just...I miss you so much...but I won't be able to come home for a long while...and, oh, I hate it here. I'm running out of...you know, and I have a hangover. I don't know how I'll survive without you." I started to sob into the phone and heard shushing noises from the other end.
"Oh, baby, please don't cry," he insisted and I tried to quiet my sobs. "I miss you too...and don't worry about the drugs. You should have enough until we can figure out something." My cries slowly stopped and I took a deep breath.
"I miss you Jim...Just hearing your voice...It makes everything seem better...but makes everything seem sadder too, because we're not together."
"Don't worry...we'll be together soon. I promise." I smiled at James' promise...only he made promises...Jim never did.
"Thanks James...I love you," I whispered as I wiped away the tears from my face.
"I love you too," he returned and I had to smile. Those few words made my heart pound, my spirits soar, and my hangover seem like a pesky fly. We sat and talked for a while longer...about an hour, and it was the happiest hour I had spent in San Francisco since I had gotten here.
"Damnit, hey Phoebe, I got to go. I'm going to be late for work." I smiled sadly, yet knowingly.
"I won't keep you," I whispered as I looked at the clock.
"Hey, I'll be waiting for your next call, okay love?"
"Alright, luv ya Jim. I'll talk to you soon...missing you the whole time."
"Me too babe." With that, I slowly set down the phone and lay back on the couch. Oh Jim...Just the thought of him being all the way in New York and me being in San Francisco was enough to start me crying again. Grabbing a pillow, I buried my face in it and began to sob. In a little time, I fell asleep. One hand wrapped around the phone, and one hugging the pillow fiercely, wishing it were Jim.
My eyes slowly opened to a small noise and I looked around in confusion for a minute...that was right, I was back in San Francisco down on the couch...Jim...Moving around a little, I found that there was a blanket wrapped around me. When I glanced over I found Piper sleeping on the chair across from me, a blanket wrapped around her as well. The clock said seven...I had been asleep for three more hours, yet I still felt exhausted. When I slowly sat up I saw Prue standing in the doorway. It was her who had woken me. She was just standing there, looking at us both, but I didn't care what she thought of me. I only cared what Jim thought, and he loved me. He would wait for me.
"She's worried about you," Prue whispered, and I looked back over at her to find her eyes. They weren't angry...were they...were they sad? No...I couldn't tell what her eyes held. They seemed far off somehow...like mine always were. I glanced back at Piper and sighed.
"Why should she be?" I whispered. "I'm fine." Reaching over, I pulled the blanket off me and sat up straight, trying to clear my head.
"You've been crying." At the sound of Piper's voice I looked over to see her eyes opened and looking at me with worry. Slowly, I reached my hand up and placed it on my cheek...tear stains...there were still trails of tears falling down my cheeks...I must've continued to cry while I was sleeping. Becoming self-conscious, I quickly took the blanket that has been covering me and wiped my face. Great...my sisters had me cornered and I didn't have the strength to fight or run away. Glancing down, I realized that I was still holding the phone and I remembered my hour-long talk with Jim...The memory made me stronger. I looked back up at my sisters, but didn't say anything. I couldn't deny the fact that I had been crying, but I didn't have to tell them why. When Prue walked closer and Piper got to her feet, I looked at them uneasily. In a minute they each sat on either side of me and I knew I'd never be able to get away from them. Realizing I was stuck talking to them, I looked down at my lap and ended eye contact.
"Phoebe...Phoebe, look at us," Prue pleaded, but I continued glancing down. Knowing that I wouldn't look up, Prue continued. " Phoebe, we're just worried about you." Still, I shook my head and refused to look up at her. I wasn't going to listen to this. "Phoebe...if you're still mad about yesterday, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. You just got back...you aren't into the swing of things yet...really, I'm sorry. I just took out my stress on you." I looked over to my left at my big sister. She had...apologized? That wasn't like her, yet there she was, apologizing to my face. A trick, that's it. A trick to make me confess. If I confess...I'll never see Jim ever again.
"Phoebe honey, we're just worried. We're not mad at you." I looked to my right at Piper and then back down at my lap. Why should they be worried? Yes, it was a trick. "Phoebe..." I looked up as I heard my sister begin to cry...Why? Why was she crying? I didn't even say anything.
"Piper?" I whispered, and my heart broke as I watched Piper cover her face with her hands...the tears still escaped from beneath her fingers. "Piper...don't cry," I whispered. I hadn't eaten all day, and my long talk with Jim had worn me out. I hadn't talked that much in all the time I had been here. However much it hurt to watch my sister cry, I couldn't bring myself to reach over and give her a hug. I wasn't worthy...I was the one who had made her cry in the first place, wasn't I? Confusion came over me as feeling of sadness surfaced. I hadn't known that I cared this much for Piper...why did I care anyway? They didn't care about me...if they found out why I really came back they'd keep me from living...they'd keep me from seeing Jim.
"Phoebe..." I looked up to see that Prue had gotten up to sit next to Piper and had wrapped her arms around her.
"Why does she worry?" I asked. "I'm fine." I starred at Piper some more as she quieted down and wondered if they'd believe me. I really wasn't fine...I'd never be fine without Jim.
"Phoebe, have you looked at yourself lately?" Prue asked, and I looked down at my lap again. "Ask yourself a question. When was the last time you ate?" I thought hard, and realized that it was the first night that I had come back. Since then, all I had put in my stomach was water and beer. "You look so weak, so tired...you never eat, and well...you aren't the Phoebe that we remember." I looked up at my sisters, anger clearly evident on my face.
"You're right, I'm not the Phoebe that you remember," I spat as I stood unsteadily to my feet. "Not that you care! You never cared about me before, why now that I've changed?! You don't even have to pretend anymore. I know you're just lying to figure out why I came back. And you know what? I'll never tell you!" Enraged, I stomped towards the stairs and headed up to my room as fast as my wobbly legs could carry me. Unfortunately, that wasn't very fast. By the time I was at the top of the stairs I was panting heavily with Prue behind me and Piper in front.
"Please Phoebe, let us help you," Piper pleaded, but I knew it was a trick. All of a sudden, Prue's arms came around me from behind. I fought and fought, but I was so weak...she was so strong, my big sister. Slowly, I sank to the floor, my sisters alongside me.
"Tell us," Prue demanded in a soft whisper, but I just shook my head.
"Please leave me alone," I begged, tears coming to my eyes. "Please...leave me alone..." Closing my eyes, I felt Prue and Piper each lift one of my arms and took in deep breaths as they easily carried me to my bed. After they had set me down and I calmed myself I opened my eyes to find them still standing there. Piper leaned down to pull the covers over me and gently kissed my forehead.
"Phoebe..." I glanced wearily up at her and shook my head. I'd never tell...Couldn't they accept it and leave me alone? Cautiously, I watched as Piper stood up and left the room.
"Phoebe, we don't care why you came home...we care that you are here, and we want to help you. We care about your health and your well being. Please, talk to us." I looked up at Prue, but couldn't bring myself to say anything. I starred at her, my eyes wandering, lost in thoughts of Jim, and then I turned over and let sleep overtake me. I left the real world for fantasies and dreams where Jim and I were together again, and my sisters weren't there to get in the way.
When I woke up the house was quiet. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was eleven...Saturday morning. My sisters were probably home, waiting downstairs to ambush me. Wincing at this thought, I picked up some jeans and a long T-shirt before heading for the shower. It was sort of late, so Piper and Prue would already be done with the bathroom. The steaming hot water was refreshing, but I still splashed some cold water over my face. It woke me up a little. After getting dressed I looked at myself in the mirror, brushing my teeth as I starred at my reflection. Maybe I wasn't the same, but Jim thought I was beautiful, and that was all that mattered. Smiling at this thought, I returned to my room and sat down at my desk. How was I going to go downstairs and face my sisters? You know, I'd feel stronger if I took some...Glancing over at my closet, a grin appeared on my face. That was what I needed. Slowly, I got up and dug the shoebox out of my closet. I gently pulled my long Tee shirt sleeve up on my left arm and looked at it. There were so many scars...but it was worth it. I quickly picked up the needle and injected some of the liquid into my blood stream.
"Phoebe?" My head bolted up as I heard Prue's voice from the other side of the door. Jamming the box lid back on, I rushed over to my closet to store it away. "Phoebe, I know you're up. May I come in?" After closing my closet I jumped onto my bed and caught my breath before Prue slowly opened the door and peeked in. I looked over at her and then down. I could already feel the effects of the dose and it was making me happier, but more suspicious. I slowly looked up at my sister as she walked into the room and gently shut the door behind her. What was that she had in her hands...a tray...a tray of food? Just the smell of the fresh bagels, cream cheese, and orange juice made my stomach turn, and I looked towards my window, opened slightly at the bottom. I needed some air.
"What do you want?" I asked, annoyed and not wanting to see my sisters at the moment.
"I just thought you might be hungry," Prue said, setting the tray down on my desk and coming to sit next to me. "Piper made breakfast and, well...I know you skipped dinner last night, so..." I starred at my sister for a moment and then at the food. No...if it went into my stomach it might come back out, and I couldn't risk losing what was inside of me...it felt too good...relaxing...calm.
"I'm not hungry," I muttered, and then moved back to lean against my pillow. After closing my eyes for a moment I opened them to find that Prue was still there, looking at me. Why wouldn't she leave?
"I'll leave it here for you," she whispered, and then quickly got up to leave. As the door shut behind her I sighed in frustration. Just the smell of the food was making me nauseous. Getting up, I slowly walked over to the window and looked out. Prue was outside getting the mail, and Piper was with her, talking...probably about me. Quickly, I picked up the tray and headed downstairs. After throwing out the food I grabbed some water from the fridge and retreated back to my room. Opening the window wider, I breathed in the fresh air and sighed. We'd figure out something soon...and I'd be able to go back to Jim. Until then...I'd have to tough it out.
***
Two Weeks Later...
I sat up in bed and listened quietly for my sisters...not a sound. It was twelve thirty and they were both finally in bed. Getting up quickly, I changed into a tight denim mini skirt and a low cut red tank top. For the past few weeks my sisters had been watching me like hawks, but late last night I had gotten in touch with Jim. He had told me to use up what I had as a treat...there was someone he wanted me to meet. Smiling at the memory, I locked my door and opened up my window. After one look down, I climbed out and silently made my way to the ground. Once there, I walked over a block to a waiting taxi.
"Where to Mam'?" the driver asked.
"The Red Night. Do you know the club?" The driver nodded and we were on our way. Fifteen minutes later the driver stopped and I paid him as I got out. "This place looks exciting," I whispered. After all, Jim wouldn't lead me to anyplace without excitement. I walked right in after showing my ID and went over to sit at the bar. Jim had promised me a meeting with a friend who was traveling to San Francisco. Following his instructions, I wore the red tank top with the mini skirt, and once at the bar I ordered a beer. Then, I waited. As I sat there, patiently waiting for Jim's friend, I surveyed the room. Across the bar a guy was staring at me with a grin on his face. I smiled back, and in a few seconds he was at my side.
"Want to dance?" His voice was gruff and his breath smelled like smoke, but there was something about him...I nodded, and in a few we were on the dance floor. I looked my new friend in the eyes as our bodies touched and we swayed to the music. After twenty minuets, he leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Do you know who I am?" I smiled, and nodded.
"Jim sent you," I replied and at this statement he smiled back.
"I knew you were the one...all the guys talk about you," he said, and I laughed at this. "My name's Matt. Follow me out back. I have what you want in my car." I nodded, and we casually made our way outside. Once there, he held onto my hand and led me to a beat-up blue car with a New York license plate. Nodding at Matt, I slid into the passenger seat and waited. After glancing around, he got into the driver's side and closed his door.
"Well?" I asked, adding a flirting quality to my voice and giving him a smile...a desperate smile filled with anticipation. I think he saw my urgency and I was rewarded when he reached under his seat and pulled out a bag.
"Here it is," he whispered, and I was just about to open it when his hand shot out to stop me.
"Don't open it here," he said quickly. "Jim told me to tell you. It's not safe unless you're at home." I nodded, and then put the bag on the floor.
"Did Jim say anything else?" I asked, wanting a message desperately. Matt looked me up and down slowly and nodded.
"He wanted me to give you this." In a second Matt's lips were on mine, and my whole body tingled with excitement. It wasn't unusual for Jim's friends to fool around with me, and he usually didn't mind. The fact that he had sent one of his guys all the way here to give me a kiss was incredible. Immediately, I kissed Matt right back and when we were done I sighed in content. I needed that.
"Will you drive me home?" I asked, and Matt started the car. After instructing him to drop me off a block away from my house, I sat back and enjoyed the ride. My sisters were so watchful that I probably wouldn't get out of the house by myself for a while. Piper has been taking weird shifts and Prue has been working at home...One of them is always around. Once the car stopped I turned towards Matt. He was starring at me. "Thanks for the drive...and this," I said, holding up the bag. "You're a lifesaver...You have no idea how much I owe you."
"Hey, I was heading down here for some dealings anyway. And I got to spend some time with you." I smiled and then leaned forward to whisper in my savior's ear.
"Tell Jim Thanks and that I owe him," I said, and then leaned forward for one last kiss. Smiling at my new friend, I got out of the car and started to walk home. As I approached the house I took note that all of the lights were out...good sign. I quietly climbed up the tree near my window and slipped into my room. All was quiet. Knowing that I wasn't missed, I smiled and went over to stash my new treasure in the closet. That night I slept well, dreaming about Jim and the future.
The next morning I got up early, still energetic from all the chemicals inside of me. Since it was only seven and it seemed nice outside, I decided to go for a run. I quickly put on a quarter length white shirt, some blue shorts, and a windbreaker. After pulling my hair up to keep it out of my face I grabbed a bottle of water and headed out. The day was beautiful, and the events of last nigh made it seem even better. Everything was going to be perfect...I had to believe it, and I did. After about ten minutes of jogging I could feel the familiar pain in my side start to develop and I slowed down to catch my breath. I had ended up in the park...a place I use to go to a lot as a kid when I wanted out of the house. I can't believe I had forgotten...Smiling at my refuge, I walked down a path and looked around. It was the same as the last time I was here...You didn't get this in New York. Noticing a bench, I made my way towards it sat down, and started to drink some of my water. Everything was so beautiful...the birds, the trees, the grass, the sky...It really was something. By the time I took a look at my watch again it was nine o'clock. Oh great, my sisters were either having a cow, or wondering why I wasn't up yet, since they think I went to bed at eleven. Getting up, I looked around one more time before jogging back to my house.
"I hope they're not downstairs," I whispered, not wanting to have to answer questions...But as I opened the front door I heard voices coming from the kitchen. When I closed the door behind me I heard the voices stop...they had heard me...Oh, great, I was in for it. Still, hoping that luck may be on my side, I headed up the stairs.
"Phoebe?" I was half way up the stairs when I heard Prue's voice below. Looking down, I saw both her and Piper staring up at me. "Where were you?" Prue asked.
"I just went for a run," I answered before racing upstairs to the shower. I didn't care how mad they were at me for not staying around to talk, I needed to get out. I was back in the house for only a minute, and I already felt suffocated. When I emerged from the shower I felt a little calmer, but I was still angry. I got angry so easily...The only thing my sisters asked was where I had been...but why should they have to know everything I do? They never knew anything when I was in New York...when I was with Jim. Thinking of Jim, I decided to pull his package out and count how much he had sent me. Just reaching for the bag in the back of my closet calmed my nerves, and I took in a big breath as I settled down onto my bed. One by one, I pulled each bottle out of the bag and counted five needles. Just as I was half way into the bag I decided to try some. Rolling up the bag, I left what I had not counted in there and slid it under my bed. Looking at the bottles covering my blanket, I picked up one and rolled up my sleeve. Picking up the needle, I had just slid it into my arm when I heard a knock at the door.
"Phoebe?" Oh shit, it was Piper! Grabbing everything, I quickly shoved it under my pillow right before the door opened. There stood Piper, breakfast in hand, looking into my room unsurely. "Phoebe?" Looking at her, I saw her eyes were looking at something. Following her gaze, I looked down at my bare arm, still rolled up. If only she hadn't barged in! Cursing under my breath, I quickly rolled my sleeve back down and glanced over to make sure my pillow was covering everything. When I looked back up I felt fear start in the pit of my stomach and move up to my throat. Piper was looking at me in shock, worry, and confusion. Setting the food tray down, she quickly came over to sit next to me on the bed. I couldn't look at her...what if she knew?
"What?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Phoebe...what...?" Looking over, I watched as Piper reached for my arm. Seeing what she intended, I quickly brought it closer to my body and backed up. Big mistake...As soon as I scooted back the pillow on my bed moved over slightly, showing some of the bottles. Luckily, Piper couldn't see them because my body was blocking her view. "PRUE!" Piper shouted, and I knew I was in for it.
"What?" I asked, feeling the tears coming because my secret was out, but not letting them fall. "Why are you calling her? Piper! Why?" I shouted at her, feeling the hysterics beginning and knowing that it was over. I'd never see Jim again...never. Moving so that my body covered my pillow, I pulled both of my arms close and watched in fear. In a moment Prue was standing next to Piper, looking at her while Piper kept her eyes on me.
"What is it?" Prue asked, following Pier's gaze towards me.
"I...I think..." Piper whispered, keeping her eyes on me, and then turned to Prue. "Phoebe's arm...I think she hurt it...something's wrong..." Piper seemed confused, but I saw a deep fear in her eyes...a knowing fear.
"Phoebe, are you hurt?" Prue asked, and I immediately shook my head, hoping that the conversation would end here. I saw Prue give Piper another look and then she walked towards me...
"No! Stop!" I screamed, and Prue stopped in her tracks. "Please, leave me alone...I didn't do anything." Still, I saw Prue's face, and she wasn't going to give up until she saw what Piper had explained.
"Phoebe, just let me see. If you're hurt, we can help." I just stared at Prue and continued to hold my arms. Suddenly, Prue was beside me trying to roll up the sleeves of my shirt. Screeching, I rolled over, covering Jim's present with my pillow as I did. Even though my treasure was safe for the moment, I yelped out as I hit the floor.
"Owww..." I wined, giving Prue a death stare. As I started to get up, Piper was next to me, pushing me back down and holding me there. "Piper! Get off!" I demanded, but she held on tight.
"I know what I saw Phoebe...why won't you just show us if nothing's wrong?" she whispered in my ear, and I knew it was hopeless. As Prue kneeled down next to us I gave up all hope. Going limp, I stared at Piper with hate as Prue pried my arm away from my body and started to roll up my sleeve. The room went silent as Prue and Piper looked at my arm, and then Piper rolled up my other sleeve...both, covered with scars.
"Phoebe..." I looked up at Prue, tears now falling from my eyes. Then, I looked over at Piper. She seemed horrified and looked at me in shock. I just stared at her with hatred, and then got up to run. As I reached the door two arms encircled me from behind and pulled me back.
"Let me go!" I screamed, putting up as much of a fight as I could muster...but it wasn't very much. I found myself thrown on the bed, and as I landed the pillow flew off to reveal Jim's present...I starred at it, knowing that it was all over, and I couldn't help but cry. Curling up into a ball, I started to bawl, and I didn't stop. My sisters sat on either side of me, crying as well, and wrapping their arms around me and each other.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Here it is, the next chapter! I hope everyone enjoys.
To Charmed Fanatic: Thank you so much! You really do inspire me to keep writing. ^^ Your review put me in such high spirits, so I want to thank you lots. About Katri the cat, let's just say that when Cassie saw Phoebe like that (defeated and in a very dark place) she came to her senses a little and started hanging around her apartment more.
Disclaimer: ME = FAN. FAN ยน OWNER ^___^
**********
A few days later...
Slowly...very slowly...I opened my eyes. The room seemed so bright and my head was pounding. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly sat up. I gently massaged my forehead with my index and pointer fingers as I looked around. My vision was a little blurry, but it improved as I continued to blink my eyes and focus on only one point across the room. I vaguely remembered the events of the previous night...Prue...she had come running into my room just as I was about to pull my beloved shoe box out of the closet...Something about me not moving my laundry over quick enough...Oh, such a fight...I remember...I locked the door and took some of my life force from the box. Energetic and high, I had climbed out the window and went to party at some of the night clubs...such a crazy night...
Looking at the clock, I saw that it was already two in the afternoon. I didn't know what time I had climbed back into my room and fell onto my bed in exhaustion, but I knew I had probably been sleeping for a while...Still, It didn't matter. I could sleep for as long as I liked and I was still tired. Getting up, I picked up some sweatpants and a sweatshirt before heading over to fumble with my lock. I was always so cold nowadays...I guess because I've lost so much weight. After unlatching my lock, I headed straight for the bathroom to take a shower. My stomach was a little queasy, and that scared me. The booze I had absorbed last night was forcing my body into a hangover, and I didn't want to throw-up all of my drugs...I only had enough for a couple of weeks if I was careful and I didn't want to waist it...
"I...I don't think I'll make it," I cried to myself as I stepped into the shower and let the cool water refresh me. By the time I was dressed it was three o'clock, but I knew that no one was home yet. Piper didn't get in till around five and Prue wouldn't be here till six. Sighing to myself, I trudged downstairs to grab a bottle of water. After picking up the portable phone and my water I fell onto the couch and starred at the numbers on the phone. Should I call? I missed him so much...Looking around, I felt confident that my sisters wouldn't be home soon, so I turned it on and slowly dialed his number...RING...RING...RING...RI-
"Hello?" I heard a slurred voice from the other end...I smiled, knowing he had been sleeping, but he'd have to get up for work soon anyway.
"Hey," I whispered, and there was silence on the other end.
"Ph...Phoebe?" he asked, and I laughed.
"Yeah, who did you think it was? I'm the only girl who knows your private number."
"Phoebe! Oh God, how are you? I've been waiting forever to hear from you!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, Please Jim, it's only been a few days," I replied but he continued to insist.
"No...It's seemed like forever. I miss you baby, when are you coming home?" I frowned at this and felt the tears well up in my eyes. "Phoebe? Are you crying? What's wrong?"
"It's just...I miss you so much...but I won't be able to come home for a long while...and, oh, I hate it here. I'm running out of...you know, and I have a hangover. I don't know how I'll survive without you." I started to sob into the phone and heard shushing noises from the other end.
"Oh, baby, please don't cry," he insisted and I tried to quiet my sobs. "I miss you too...and don't worry about the drugs. You should have enough until we can figure out something." My cries slowly stopped and I took a deep breath.
"I miss you Jim...Just hearing your voice...It makes everything seem better...but makes everything seem sadder too, because we're not together."
"Don't worry...we'll be together soon. I promise." I smiled at James' promise...only he made promises...Jim never did.
"Thanks James...I love you," I whispered as I wiped away the tears from my face.
"I love you too," he returned and I had to smile. Those few words made my heart pound, my spirits soar, and my hangover seem like a pesky fly. We sat and talked for a while longer...about an hour, and it was the happiest hour I had spent in San Francisco since I had gotten here.
"Damnit, hey Phoebe, I got to go. I'm going to be late for work." I smiled sadly, yet knowingly.
"I won't keep you," I whispered as I looked at the clock.
"Hey, I'll be waiting for your next call, okay love?"
"Alright, luv ya Jim. I'll talk to you soon...missing you the whole time."
"Me too babe." With that, I slowly set down the phone and lay back on the couch. Oh Jim...Just the thought of him being all the way in New York and me being in San Francisco was enough to start me crying again. Grabbing a pillow, I buried my face in it and began to sob. In a little time, I fell asleep. One hand wrapped around the phone, and one hugging the pillow fiercely, wishing it were Jim.
My eyes slowly opened to a small noise and I looked around in confusion for a minute...that was right, I was back in San Francisco down on the couch...Jim...Moving around a little, I found that there was a blanket wrapped around me. When I glanced over I found Piper sleeping on the chair across from me, a blanket wrapped around her as well. The clock said seven...I had been asleep for three more hours, yet I still felt exhausted. When I slowly sat up I saw Prue standing in the doorway. It was her who had woken me. She was just standing there, looking at us both, but I didn't care what she thought of me. I only cared what Jim thought, and he loved me. He would wait for me.
"She's worried about you," Prue whispered, and I looked back over at her to find her eyes. They weren't angry...were they...were they sad? No...I couldn't tell what her eyes held. They seemed far off somehow...like mine always were. I glanced back at Piper and sighed.
"Why should she be?" I whispered. "I'm fine." Reaching over, I pulled the blanket off me and sat up straight, trying to clear my head.
"You've been crying." At the sound of Piper's voice I looked over to see her eyes opened and looking at me with worry. Slowly, I reached my hand up and placed it on my cheek...tear stains...there were still trails of tears falling down my cheeks...I must've continued to cry while I was sleeping. Becoming self-conscious, I quickly took the blanket that has been covering me and wiped my face. Great...my sisters had me cornered and I didn't have the strength to fight or run away. Glancing down, I realized that I was still holding the phone and I remembered my hour-long talk with Jim...The memory made me stronger. I looked back up at my sisters, but didn't say anything. I couldn't deny the fact that I had been crying, but I didn't have to tell them why. When Prue walked closer and Piper got to her feet, I looked at them uneasily. In a minute they each sat on either side of me and I knew I'd never be able to get away from them. Realizing I was stuck talking to them, I looked down at my lap and ended eye contact.
"Phoebe...Phoebe, look at us," Prue pleaded, but I continued glancing down. Knowing that I wouldn't look up, Prue continued. " Phoebe, we're just worried about you." Still, I shook my head and refused to look up at her. I wasn't going to listen to this. "Phoebe...if you're still mad about yesterday, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. You just got back...you aren't into the swing of things yet...really, I'm sorry. I just took out my stress on you." I looked over to my left at my big sister. She had...apologized? That wasn't like her, yet there she was, apologizing to my face. A trick, that's it. A trick to make me confess. If I confess...I'll never see Jim ever again.
"Phoebe honey, we're just worried. We're not mad at you." I looked to my right at Piper and then back down at my lap. Why should they be worried? Yes, it was a trick. "Phoebe..." I looked up as I heard my sister begin to cry...Why? Why was she crying? I didn't even say anything.
"Piper?" I whispered, and my heart broke as I watched Piper cover her face with her hands...the tears still escaped from beneath her fingers. "Piper...don't cry," I whispered. I hadn't eaten all day, and my long talk with Jim had worn me out. I hadn't talked that much in all the time I had been here. However much it hurt to watch my sister cry, I couldn't bring myself to reach over and give her a hug. I wasn't worthy...I was the one who had made her cry in the first place, wasn't I? Confusion came over me as feeling of sadness surfaced. I hadn't known that I cared this much for Piper...why did I care anyway? They didn't care about me...if they found out why I really came back they'd keep me from living...they'd keep me from seeing Jim.
"Phoebe..." I looked up to see that Prue had gotten up to sit next to Piper and had wrapped her arms around her.
"Why does she worry?" I asked. "I'm fine." I starred at Piper some more as she quieted down and wondered if they'd believe me. I really wasn't fine...I'd never be fine without Jim.
"Phoebe, have you looked at yourself lately?" Prue asked, and I looked down at my lap again. "Ask yourself a question. When was the last time you ate?" I thought hard, and realized that it was the first night that I had come back. Since then, all I had put in my stomach was water and beer. "You look so weak, so tired...you never eat, and well...you aren't the Phoebe that we remember." I looked up at my sisters, anger clearly evident on my face.
"You're right, I'm not the Phoebe that you remember," I spat as I stood unsteadily to my feet. "Not that you care! You never cared about me before, why now that I've changed?! You don't even have to pretend anymore. I know you're just lying to figure out why I came back. And you know what? I'll never tell you!" Enraged, I stomped towards the stairs and headed up to my room as fast as my wobbly legs could carry me. Unfortunately, that wasn't very fast. By the time I was at the top of the stairs I was panting heavily with Prue behind me and Piper in front.
"Please Phoebe, let us help you," Piper pleaded, but I knew it was a trick. All of a sudden, Prue's arms came around me from behind. I fought and fought, but I was so weak...she was so strong, my big sister. Slowly, I sank to the floor, my sisters alongside me.
"Tell us," Prue demanded in a soft whisper, but I just shook my head.
"Please leave me alone," I begged, tears coming to my eyes. "Please...leave me alone..." Closing my eyes, I felt Prue and Piper each lift one of my arms and took in deep breaths as they easily carried me to my bed. After they had set me down and I calmed myself I opened my eyes to find them still standing there. Piper leaned down to pull the covers over me and gently kissed my forehead.
"Phoebe..." I glanced wearily up at her and shook my head. I'd never tell...Couldn't they accept it and leave me alone? Cautiously, I watched as Piper stood up and left the room.
"Phoebe, we don't care why you came home...we care that you are here, and we want to help you. We care about your health and your well being. Please, talk to us." I looked up at Prue, but couldn't bring myself to say anything. I starred at her, my eyes wandering, lost in thoughts of Jim, and then I turned over and let sleep overtake me. I left the real world for fantasies and dreams where Jim and I were together again, and my sisters weren't there to get in the way.
When I woke up the house was quiet. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was eleven...Saturday morning. My sisters were probably home, waiting downstairs to ambush me. Wincing at this thought, I picked up some jeans and a long T-shirt before heading for the shower. It was sort of late, so Piper and Prue would already be done with the bathroom. The steaming hot water was refreshing, but I still splashed some cold water over my face. It woke me up a little. After getting dressed I looked at myself in the mirror, brushing my teeth as I starred at my reflection. Maybe I wasn't the same, but Jim thought I was beautiful, and that was all that mattered. Smiling at this thought, I returned to my room and sat down at my desk. How was I going to go downstairs and face my sisters? You know, I'd feel stronger if I took some...Glancing over at my closet, a grin appeared on my face. That was what I needed. Slowly, I got up and dug the shoebox out of my closet. I gently pulled my long Tee shirt sleeve up on my left arm and looked at it. There were so many scars...but it was worth it. I quickly picked up the needle and injected some of the liquid into my blood stream.
"Phoebe?" My head bolted up as I heard Prue's voice from the other side of the door. Jamming the box lid back on, I rushed over to my closet to store it away. "Phoebe, I know you're up. May I come in?" After closing my closet I jumped onto my bed and caught my breath before Prue slowly opened the door and peeked in. I looked over at her and then down. I could already feel the effects of the dose and it was making me happier, but more suspicious. I slowly looked up at my sister as she walked into the room and gently shut the door behind her. What was that she had in her hands...a tray...a tray of food? Just the smell of the fresh bagels, cream cheese, and orange juice made my stomach turn, and I looked towards my window, opened slightly at the bottom. I needed some air.
"What do you want?" I asked, annoyed and not wanting to see my sisters at the moment.
"I just thought you might be hungry," Prue said, setting the tray down on my desk and coming to sit next to me. "Piper made breakfast and, well...I know you skipped dinner last night, so..." I starred at my sister for a moment and then at the food. No...if it went into my stomach it might come back out, and I couldn't risk losing what was inside of me...it felt too good...relaxing...calm.
"I'm not hungry," I muttered, and then moved back to lean against my pillow. After closing my eyes for a moment I opened them to find that Prue was still there, looking at me. Why wouldn't she leave?
"I'll leave it here for you," she whispered, and then quickly got up to leave. As the door shut behind her I sighed in frustration. Just the smell of the food was making me nauseous. Getting up, I slowly walked over to the window and looked out. Prue was outside getting the mail, and Piper was with her, talking...probably about me. Quickly, I picked up the tray and headed downstairs. After throwing out the food I grabbed some water from the fridge and retreated back to my room. Opening the window wider, I breathed in the fresh air and sighed. We'd figure out something soon...and I'd be able to go back to Jim. Until then...I'd have to tough it out.
***
Two Weeks Later...
I sat up in bed and listened quietly for my sisters...not a sound. It was twelve thirty and they were both finally in bed. Getting up quickly, I changed into a tight denim mini skirt and a low cut red tank top. For the past few weeks my sisters had been watching me like hawks, but late last night I had gotten in touch with Jim. He had told me to use up what I had as a treat...there was someone he wanted me to meet. Smiling at the memory, I locked my door and opened up my window. After one look down, I climbed out and silently made my way to the ground. Once there, I walked over a block to a waiting taxi.
"Where to Mam'?" the driver asked.
"The Red Night. Do you know the club?" The driver nodded and we were on our way. Fifteen minutes later the driver stopped and I paid him as I got out. "This place looks exciting," I whispered. After all, Jim wouldn't lead me to anyplace without excitement. I walked right in after showing my ID and went over to sit at the bar. Jim had promised me a meeting with a friend who was traveling to San Francisco. Following his instructions, I wore the red tank top with the mini skirt, and once at the bar I ordered a beer. Then, I waited. As I sat there, patiently waiting for Jim's friend, I surveyed the room. Across the bar a guy was staring at me with a grin on his face. I smiled back, and in a few seconds he was at my side.
"Want to dance?" His voice was gruff and his breath smelled like smoke, but there was something about him...I nodded, and in a few we were on the dance floor. I looked my new friend in the eyes as our bodies touched and we swayed to the music. After twenty minuets, he leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Do you know who I am?" I smiled, and nodded.
"Jim sent you," I replied and at this statement he smiled back.
"I knew you were the one...all the guys talk about you," he said, and I laughed at this. "My name's Matt. Follow me out back. I have what you want in my car." I nodded, and we casually made our way outside. Once there, he held onto my hand and led me to a beat-up blue car with a New York license plate. Nodding at Matt, I slid into the passenger seat and waited. After glancing around, he got into the driver's side and closed his door.
"Well?" I asked, adding a flirting quality to my voice and giving him a smile...a desperate smile filled with anticipation. I think he saw my urgency and I was rewarded when he reached under his seat and pulled out a bag.
"Here it is," he whispered, and I was just about to open it when his hand shot out to stop me.
"Don't open it here," he said quickly. "Jim told me to tell you. It's not safe unless you're at home." I nodded, and then put the bag on the floor.
"Did Jim say anything else?" I asked, wanting a message desperately. Matt looked me up and down slowly and nodded.
"He wanted me to give you this." In a second Matt's lips were on mine, and my whole body tingled with excitement. It wasn't unusual for Jim's friends to fool around with me, and he usually didn't mind. The fact that he had sent one of his guys all the way here to give me a kiss was incredible. Immediately, I kissed Matt right back and when we were done I sighed in content. I needed that.
"Will you drive me home?" I asked, and Matt started the car. After instructing him to drop me off a block away from my house, I sat back and enjoyed the ride. My sisters were so watchful that I probably wouldn't get out of the house by myself for a while. Piper has been taking weird shifts and Prue has been working at home...One of them is always around. Once the car stopped I turned towards Matt. He was starring at me. "Thanks for the drive...and this," I said, holding up the bag. "You're a lifesaver...You have no idea how much I owe you."
"Hey, I was heading down here for some dealings anyway. And I got to spend some time with you." I smiled and then leaned forward to whisper in my savior's ear.
"Tell Jim Thanks and that I owe him," I said, and then leaned forward for one last kiss. Smiling at my new friend, I got out of the car and started to walk home. As I approached the house I took note that all of the lights were out...good sign. I quietly climbed up the tree near my window and slipped into my room. All was quiet. Knowing that I wasn't missed, I smiled and went over to stash my new treasure in the closet. That night I slept well, dreaming about Jim and the future.
The next morning I got up early, still energetic from all the chemicals inside of me. Since it was only seven and it seemed nice outside, I decided to go for a run. I quickly put on a quarter length white shirt, some blue shorts, and a windbreaker. After pulling my hair up to keep it out of my face I grabbed a bottle of water and headed out. The day was beautiful, and the events of last nigh made it seem even better. Everything was going to be perfect...I had to believe it, and I did. After about ten minutes of jogging I could feel the familiar pain in my side start to develop and I slowed down to catch my breath. I had ended up in the park...a place I use to go to a lot as a kid when I wanted out of the house. I can't believe I had forgotten...Smiling at my refuge, I walked down a path and looked around. It was the same as the last time I was here...You didn't get this in New York. Noticing a bench, I made my way towards it sat down, and started to drink some of my water. Everything was so beautiful...the birds, the trees, the grass, the sky...It really was something. By the time I took a look at my watch again it was nine o'clock. Oh great, my sisters were either having a cow, or wondering why I wasn't up yet, since they think I went to bed at eleven. Getting up, I looked around one more time before jogging back to my house.
"I hope they're not downstairs," I whispered, not wanting to have to answer questions...But as I opened the front door I heard voices coming from the kitchen. When I closed the door behind me I heard the voices stop...they had heard me...Oh, great, I was in for it. Still, hoping that luck may be on my side, I headed up the stairs.
"Phoebe?" I was half way up the stairs when I heard Prue's voice below. Looking down, I saw both her and Piper staring up at me. "Where were you?" Prue asked.
"I just went for a run," I answered before racing upstairs to the shower. I didn't care how mad they were at me for not staying around to talk, I needed to get out. I was back in the house for only a minute, and I already felt suffocated. When I emerged from the shower I felt a little calmer, but I was still angry. I got angry so easily...The only thing my sisters asked was where I had been...but why should they have to know everything I do? They never knew anything when I was in New York...when I was with Jim. Thinking of Jim, I decided to pull his package out and count how much he had sent me. Just reaching for the bag in the back of my closet calmed my nerves, and I took in a big breath as I settled down onto my bed. One by one, I pulled each bottle out of the bag and counted five needles. Just as I was half way into the bag I decided to try some. Rolling up the bag, I left what I had not counted in there and slid it under my bed. Looking at the bottles covering my blanket, I picked up one and rolled up my sleeve. Picking up the needle, I had just slid it into my arm when I heard a knock at the door.
"Phoebe?" Oh shit, it was Piper! Grabbing everything, I quickly shoved it under my pillow right before the door opened. There stood Piper, breakfast in hand, looking into my room unsurely. "Phoebe?" Looking at her, I saw her eyes were looking at something. Following her gaze, I looked down at my bare arm, still rolled up. If only she hadn't barged in! Cursing under my breath, I quickly rolled my sleeve back down and glanced over to make sure my pillow was covering everything. When I looked back up I felt fear start in the pit of my stomach and move up to my throat. Piper was looking at me in shock, worry, and confusion. Setting the food tray down, she quickly came over to sit next to me on the bed. I couldn't look at her...what if she knew?
"What?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Phoebe...what...?" Looking over, I watched as Piper reached for my arm. Seeing what she intended, I quickly brought it closer to my body and backed up. Big mistake...As soon as I scooted back the pillow on my bed moved over slightly, showing some of the bottles. Luckily, Piper couldn't see them because my body was blocking her view. "PRUE!" Piper shouted, and I knew I was in for it.
"What?" I asked, feeling the tears coming because my secret was out, but not letting them fall. "Why are you calling her? Piper! Why?" I shouted at her, feeling the hysterics beginning and knowing that it was over. I'd never see Jim again...never. Moving so that my body covered my pillow, I pulled both of my arms close and watched in fear. In a moment Prue was standing next to Piper, looking at her while Piper kept her eyes on me.
"What is it?" Prue asked, following Pier's gaze towards me.
"I...I think..." Piper whispered, keeping her eyes on me, and then turned to Prue. "Phoebe's arm...I think she hurt it...something's wrong..." Piper seemed confused, but I saw a deep fear in her eyes...a knowing fear.
"Phoebe, are you hurt?" Prue asked, and I immediately shook my head, hoping that the conversation would end here. I saw Prue give Piper another look and then she walked towards me...
"No! Stop!" I screamed, and Prue stopped in her tracks. "Please, leave me alone...I didn't do anything." Still, I saw Prue's face, and she wasn't going to give up until she saw what Piper had explained.
"Phoebe, just let me see. If you're hurt, we can help." I just stared at Prue and continued to hold my arms. Suddenly, Prue was beside me trying to roll up the sleeves of my shirt. Screeching, I rolled over, covering Jim's present with my pillow as I did. Even though my treasure was safe for the moment, I yelped out as I hit the floor.
"Owww..." I wined, giving Prue a death stare. As I started to get up, Piper was next to me, pushing me back down and holding me there. "Piper! Get off!" I demanded, but she held on tight.
"I know what I saw Phoebe...why won't you just show us if nothing's wrong?" she whispered in my ear, and I knew it was hopeless. As Prue kneeled down next to us I gave up all hope. Going limp, I stared at Piper with hate as Prue pried my arm away from my body and started to roll up my sleeve. The room went silent as Prue and Piper looked at my arm, and then Piper rolled up my other sleeve...both, covered with scars.
"Phoebe..." I looked up at Prue, tears now falling from my eyes. Then, I looked over at Piper. She seemed horrified and looked at me in shock. I just stared at her with hatred, and then got up to run. As I reached the door two arms encircled me from behind and pulled me back.
"Let me go!" I screamed, putting up as much of a fight as I could muster...but it wasn't very much. I found myself thrown on the bed, and as I landed the pillow flew off to reveal Jim's present...I starred at it, knowing that it was all over, and I couldn't help but cry. Curling up into a ball, I started to bawl, and I didn't stop. My sisters sat on either side of me, crying as well, and wrapping their arms around me and each other.
TO BE CONTINUED...