15.
I was holding Takeru, his lips were on my neck, my collarbone, my chest his hands were raking my skin. We were together the way I liked us most. Together in love, he felt the same towards me as I did towards him. It was that same perfection that I'd basked in just yesterday morning. That I'd felt last night over the phone. That same perfection that had died out with my own Mother's words, 'he doesn't want to talk to you'. Takeru opened his eyes, that had before that moment been squeezed shut. He opened his eyes and he whispered the words, 'I hate you'. Then I woke up. The shock from the dream was still making my skin tingle, the pain of hearing those words from his own mouth even if it wasn't truly him speaking hit me like a train. I pushed back my hair, my skin was cold and clammy. It was undoubtedly the worst nap I had ever taken.
Suddenly I wished I'd just gone to practice tired. It would've been so much easier than experiencing that. I glanced at the clock groping around in the bedstand for a pack of ciggs and a lighter, everything that could've reminded me of T.K. did. I wished for something stronger than a ciggarette, and would've raided the liquor cabinet if it wasn't for the fact that I did have practice. I couldn't be fumbling over the chords, hitting the wrong strings. No the ciggarette would just have to do, I decided as I slid out of the bed ciggarette still in mouth and ambled into the shower with the false hopes that the hot water would melt away the stress and pain. This plan didn't work and turns out ciggarettes don't like water much.
My mind simply was not with me that night, it was somewhere in Heighton View Terrace with Takeru. I imagined that about now he'd be sitting at the dinner table with my Mother eating another of her meals. They were probably talking about me and laughing, Yamato Ishida the black sheep. The unwanted. I climbed out of the shower, hurriedly dried and styled my hair, dressed and left the house. Was this how my life was going to be? Just me rushing around so that I didn't have time to think? No it wouldn't. I would just finish it myself, I'd do it tomorrow maybe. What was left to live for if Takeru didn't want me anymore? Why should I even bother? A horn blared from behind me. I glanced down at the speedometer, I was going exactly 5 miles under the speed limit, smirking at my own absentmindedness I stepped on the gas. This whole sequence reminded me of the other night when T.K. had fallen asleep in my car, his head in my lap and a smile on his face.
Would I ever see that smile again? I pulled into the parking lot and jetted into the building. I was late, but that was nothing unusual. I usually was late for practice. They'd gotten used to it, by the time I got there everything was already set up for me including my guitar which I'd left here foolishly the other night. The boys looked relieved to see me.
"Get up here Ishida, I'd like to get home sometime this year." I snickered putting on my usual act and jumped onto the stage. The band played and my voice rose over the microphone. That was when I saw him, my singing caught in my throat and relief took over my body. I threw down the microphone without a second thought and jumped off the stage running towards him. My Takeru. My perfect Takeru. He stood in the doorway of the club and smiled as I climbed off the stage, at first I didn't see the black eye and I didn't notice the pained way he held his stomach. They couldn't fix broken ribs after all.
"I've got something to do, hold practice for tomorrow!" I yelled over my shoulder as I neared my younger brother. He looked away ashamedly.
"Let's take a walk Takeru." I ordered throwing my arm in a comradely way around his shoulder, he understood this. The band had to think I was just tending to my younger brother, it was for our own good. We walked around the side of the building, and stood in the alley surrounded by walls it felt safe enough to talk to him.
"I like hearing your voice." Takeru confessed. I closed my eyes breathing in his words. He was really here it wasn't me having another distorted dream, all the pain of the day barelled into me and I was pulling him into me. Holding onto him without the intention of ever letting go. All the pain hit me. And I cried into my younger brothers soft fragrant hair. He wrapped his arms around me but I could feel his muscles were tense.
"Whats wrong?" I questioned pulling away from him, tears still fresh on my cheeks. He shook his head brushing the tears away with his thumb.
"I messed up." He admitted with a sigh, I raised an eyebrow demanding an explanation without saying a word. "I said something Yama-kun and people heard." T.K. expanded lifting the edge of his shirt so I could see the hospital wrapping around his waist, placed in hope of keeping his ribs aligned.
"What did you say?" I couldn't keep from asking he frowned looking away from me.
"That I loved you, that you were mine. That the stupid girls at school needed to quit dreaming cuz' they would never have my Yam-kun. It was dumb, Matt. And they heard me." He explained. I winced as understanding took over my body, Takeru had slipped up and the boys at school had taken heed. This was the price of it, he'd decided that there was no way people would accept us and yet here he was in front of me. To say goodbye?
"I'm sorry." I found myself whispering. He pressed his lips against mine then, muttering quietly into my mouth.
"I don't care Yama, it's worth it." And he was right I suppose.
I was holding Takeru, his lips were on my neck, my collarbone, my chest his hands were raking my skin. We were together the way I liked us most. Together in love, he felt the same towards me as I did towards him. It was that same perfection that I'd basked in just yesterday morning. That I'd felt last night over the phone. That same perfection that had died out with my own Mother's words, 'he doesn't want to talk to you'. Takeru opened his eyes, that had before that moment been squeezed shut. He opened his eyes and he whispered the words, 'I hate you'. Then I woke up. The shock from the dream was still making my skin tingle, the pain of hearing those words from his own mouth even if it wasn't truly him speaking hit me like a train. I pushed back my hair, my skin was cold and clammy. It was undoubtedly the worst nap I had ever taken.
Suddenly I wished I'd just gone to practice tired. It would've been so much easier than experiencing that. I glanced at the clock groping around in the bedstand for a pack of ciggs and a lighter, everything that could've reminded me of T.K. did. I wished for something stronger than a ciggarette, and would've raided the liquor cabinet if it wasn't for the fact that I did have practice. I couldn't be fumbling over the chords, hitting the wrong strings. No the ciggarette would just have to do, I decided as I slid out of the bed ciggarette still in mouth and ambled into the shower with the false hopes that the hot water would melt away the stress and pain. This plan didn't work and turns out ciggarettes don't like water much.
My mind simply was not with me that night, it was somewhere in Heighton View Terrace with Takeru. I imagined that about now he'd be sitting at the dinner table with my Mother eating another of her meals. They were probably talking about me and laughing, Yamato Ishida the black sheep. The unwanted. I climbed out of the shower, hurriedly dried and styled my hair, dressed and left the house. Was this how my life was going to be? Just me rushing around so that I didn't have time to think? No it wouldn't. I would just finish it myself, I'd do it tomorrow maybe. What was left to live for if Takeru didn't want me anymore? Why should I even bother? A horn blared from behind me. I glanced down at the speedometer, I was going exactly 5 miles under the speed limit, smirking at my own absentmindedness I stepped on the gas. This whole sequence reminded me of the other night when T.K. had fallen asleep in my car, his head in my lap and a smile on his face.
Would I ever see that smile again? I pulled into the parking lot and jetted into the building. I was late, but that was nothing unusual. I usually was late for practice. They'd gotten used to it, by the time I got there everything was already set up for me including my guitar which I'd left here foolishly the other night. The boys looked relieved to see me.
"Get up here Ishida, I'd like to get home sometime this year." I snickered putting on my usual act and jumped onto the stage. The band played and my voice rose over the microphone. That was when I saw him, my singing caught in my throat and relief took over my body. I threw down the microphone without a second thought and jumped off the stage running towards him. My Takeru. My perfect Takeru. He stood in the doorway of the club and smiled as I climbed off the stage, at first I didn't see the black eye and I didn't notice the pained way he held his stomach. They couldn't fix broken ribs after all.
"I've got something to do, hold practice for tomorrow!" I yelled over my shoulder as I neared my younger brother. He looked away ashamedly.
"Let's take a walk Takeru." I ordered throwing my arm in a comradely way around his shoulder, he understood this. The band had to think I was just tending to my younger brother, it was for our own good. We walked around the side of the building, and stood in the alley surrounded by walls it felt safe enough to talk to him.
"I like hearing your voice." Takeru confessed. I closed my eyes breathing in his words. He was really here it wasn't me having another distorted dream, all the pain of the day barelled into me and I was pulling him into me. Holding onto him without the intention of ever letting go. All the pain hit me. And I cried into my younger brothers soft fragrant hair. He wrapped his arms around me but I could feel his muscles were tense.
"Whats wrong?" I questioned pulling away from him, tears still fresh on my cheeks. He shook his head brushing the tears away with his thumb.
"I messed up." He admitted with a sigh, I raised an eyebrow demanding an explanation without saying a word. "I said something Yama-kun and people heard." T.K. expanded lifting the edge of his shirt so I could see the hospital wrapping around his waist, placed in hope of keeping his ribs aligned.
"What did you say?" I couldn't keep from asking he frowned looking away from me.
"That I loved you, that you were mine. That the stupid girls at school needed to quit dreaming cuz' they would never have my Yam-kun. It was dumb, Matt. And they heard me." He explained. I winced as understanding took over my body, Takeru had slipped up and the boys at school had taken heed. This was the price of it, he'd decided that there was no way people would accept us and yet here he was in front of me. To say goodbye?
"I'm sorry." I found myself whispering. He pressed his lips against mine then, muttering quietly into my mouth.
"I don't care Yama, it's worth it." And he was right I suppose.