Troubled Times
Part 8
By: Silverstar
Hey. Sorry its been a while but I was actually waiting for more reviews on the last chapter...and during that time my inspiration started to dwindle, so please review! I'll try my best to come out with the next chapter as soon as I can but summer is sadly coming to an end and I have to finish all of my summer work before school starts. Oh, and I hope everyone liked that I ended the last chapter on a happier note than previous chapters. ^__^ Please enjoy and review for this one!
Disclaimer: I do not owned Charmed...*sad face* Oh well...
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Cassie left last week, and upon her departure I retreated to my room. For some reason, her presence made me feel more at ease and more open...she treated me like nothing had happened since we parted at the New York airport. Now it was just my sisters and me...and around them I felt an awkward silence. No one knew what to say to each other. Besides this, I was afraid of my actions around the house. In my room I'd find myself going through all of my things...searching for something. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I feared that I might find it. At night I still had dreams...dreams that I didn't remember, but I'd wake up sweating and shaking all over, just wanting what Jim had given me...wanting something I couldn't have. I was gaining strength and eating regularly, but I still lacked confidence and didn't really speak up to Prue or Piper about what was on my mind, how I felt, or what I thought. One night after dinner I was sitting in the living room reading a book when they both sat down on either side of me and waited. After a few minutes I slowly closed the book and set it down on my lap.
"What's up?" I asked, a little afraid of the answer.
"Well..." Piper said, and she looked at Prue nervously.
"What Piper wants to say," Prue said, taking my hand and looking me in the eyes. "Is that we need to talk to you about the therapy you promised to go to after you got home." I stared at her for a moment before wrenching my hand out of hers and standing up quickly, causing my book to fall to the floor.
"You already know my feelings on the matter," I said curtly, and I started to walk away, but Piper's small grip on my other hand held me back.
"Please Phoebe, let's just talk about it," she whispered, and I looked back at her concerned eyes with regret. Sighing to myself, I slowly sat back down, picking up my book as I did so and placing it on the table.
"Phoebs...the doctor strongly recommended that you go through with the therapy. You were allowed to leave the hospital because we took you out of the recovery program...but Doctor Scott warned me that once out, you probably wouldn't voluntarily go back. The hospital can't force you to go back for the sessions, but we'd really like it if you did. I really think it would help you." Prue finished this statement as Piper let go of my hand and I looked at both of them.
"Prue...Piper..." I whispered, clearing my head in order to piece my thoughts together. "Please...please don't make me. It's...it's just...my head...I don't think I really understand, or can even deal with, what's going on in there at the moment...what's been going on in there for the past days, weeks, months...I'm really not ready to share any of my thoughts with a perfect stranger, or a group of strangers. I can barely cope with my feelings, or understand them myself. If you sent me...I don't think it would help at all. Maybe after some time has passed...but...please, don't make me..." I went silent as tears threatened to overflow from underneath my eyelids, and I looked down at my hands as the room went silent.
"Phoebe...we can't make you go," Prue said, lifting my face up so that my eyes met hers. "But, maybe until you find the courage...maybe you could confide in us. We're good listeners and I think we may be able to help you." Prue smiled gently at me, and after a few moments I smiled back.
"Yeah...I think I could do that," I whispered, and I leaned forward to give my sister a hug.
"What about me?" Piper asked, and I lifted my arm so that she could join in on the embrace. After we parted I picked my book back up again, and after a few moments both of my sisters left me to myself. Of course, I wasn't really reading the pages, or even opened to the right page of my romance novel. I was sitting there thinking about my life...my sisters...the life I had had before...and trying to put all of it together. New York seemed like ages ago...but it really was only a month or two...not really that far in my past. An hour later I realized that I was sitting alone downstairs, so I got up to turn off the light and made my way upstairs. Still...even once I was in bed, I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep. What if he was awaiting me there...Slowly, my body took over and forced my mind to rest. Hours later I woke up in a cold sweat, vaguely remembering the dream of me running away...far away from everything, only to find myself in Jim's arms...only to find Jim forcing himself on me, and me not wanting his touch any longer. After taking a few deep breaths I got out of bed and made my way downstairs for some tea. I got a cup ready with shaky hands, and then realized that I didn't want to be alone. The darkness and solitude of the kitchen made me feel edgy and vulnerable, so after sipping my tea I walked quietly upstairs and into Piper's room. I heard her breathing evenly, and the sound soothed me right away. Taking in a few deep breaths, I sat down on her desk chair and drank my tea. The room was completely dark...but I felt safe and I allowed my mind to wander. When I was done with my tea I lightly set it down on Piper's desk and then heard her rustle. A few seconds later I decided that I should leave since she might wake up, but as I got up I heard a whisper.
"Phoebe?...Is that you?" she asked, and I made my way over to her.
"Yeah...it's me."
"Are you alright?" I smiled when she asked this, still amazed at how much she worried and cared for me.
"Yeah...I just couldn't sleep, and after I got some tea I didn't really want to be alone. I'm sorry I woke you. I just wanted some company...and I was just leaving since I finished drinking my tea..."
"No...it's all right," she said quickly and reached out for my arm. "Do you want to stay here the rest of the night?" I thought about my own room and my own bed, and the dreams that were awaiting me there. Maybe I'd get a better night's sleep if I were in here with Piper...
"Um...Do you mind?" I asked timidly, and Piper moved over to her right to make room for me.
"It's fine, c'mon, my bed's big enough for two." I scooted in next to my sister and took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly.
"Thanks," I whispered, and I felt Piper's hand tighten around mine.
"Any time. Now get some sleep, you sound exhausted." I smiled at this and comfortably closed my eyes as I awaited sleep to take me. When I woke up in the morning Piper was still sleeping next to me...It must be her day to stay home with me. Ever since I had returned to the house there was always someone there with me so I wouldn't have to be alone. I appreciated it, but I felt bad that I was putting my sisters through so much stress. It was already nine and Piper wasn't up yet. I knew Prue was gone already, and I listened happily to the sound of our silent house. It was peaceful...soothing. I sat up and leaned against the head of Piper's bed as I took in the peacefulness and simplicity of the moment. When I heard a noise next to me, I turned to see that Piper was awake and had sat up next to me on her bed. "You okay?" she asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled over at her and she returned a smile to me. "Piper?" I said after a few minutes of silence.
"Yeah?" she asked, and I looked over at her. She was slouching beside me, looking away into space daydreaming.
"Can we go out today? Do something?" She looked startled at this comment, but then nodded.
"Yeah, let's do something. You want to walk to the park? We can eat lunch at the café there."
"Yeah," I replied, and I slowly got out of bed. "I'll go get ready. She nodded, and as I headed for the shower I knew that Piper was on her way downstairs to make us breakfast. I didn't know why...but today seemed different. Maybe today...I could live life like a regular woman...maybe I could live normally without thinking of what has been haunting my thoughts for weeks upon weeks...months even. I think today would be different. It should be different.
By the time I got downstairs Piper had finished making eggs and toast, eaten hers, cleaned everything up, and had set out a plate for me.
"Thanks," I said as she headed upstairs for the shower.
"No prob," I heard her call back as she disappeared upstairs.
Every day eating became easier and easier...more natural. When you thought about it...food was life. You can't live long without it...you need energy and nutrients to survive. I guess I had forgotten that...but the past weeks have made me realize that I want to live. Living felt good, and I didn't want Jim or drugs to take that feeling away. It was around eleven when both Piper and I were ready.
"Shall we?" Piper asked, and I smiled as I picked up my jacket and followed her out the door. The day was just right. The sun was shining and a cool breeze was blowing by as we walked down the sidewalk in the direction of the park.
"It feels nice to be outside," I stated, and Piper nodded back to me in response.
"Yeah...things have been so hectic...It's nice to get out and just relax." I nodded, and took in the sites of my old neighborhood as we walked down the street. When we rounded the bend that leads into the park I remembered the days when we were little, and Prue would walk us down so we could feed the ducks and play on the playground. Things may have changed between us, but the park was the same as I had left it all those years ago.
"Phoebs, over there," Piper said, and I looked over at the café she was pointing to. I nodded and we made our way over and sat down at a table outside. We ordered tea and sipped on it as the waiter went to give our sandwich orders to the chef.
"Remember when we were little and you told me that one day you'd be a chef at this café?" I asked. Piper laughed and set her tea down.
"Yeah...But it looks like I haven't lived up to that statement."
"You still can," I replied, and Piper smiled at me.
"What about you?" she asked. "I recall you saying that one day you'd have a motorcycle like the ones the older guys use to ride over near the park entrance." I smiled slightly, and then the thought of a motorcycle sent my mind rearing back towards Jim. He had a motorcycle...we use to ride it together. "Phoebe?" Piper asked, and I sipped my tea as I tried to keep my hands from shaking. Still, my mind raced. We're in open daylight, right in plain sight! What if he saw me? He could just come right over and..."Phoebe?" I looked up and shook my head a little to clear my mind.
"It's nothing, I'm fine," I insisted, but Piper didn't let me off the hook so easily.
"Are you sure?...Phoebe, c'mon. What is it?" I sighed and took a long sip of my tea before attempting to answer.
"It's nothing...just...It's just that...that...J-Jim owned a motorcycle. Your comment just made me think of him..."
"Oh Phoebe, I'm sorry," Piper said with worry and guilt in her voice. "I didn't even know." I looked around me again, becoming paranoid as we sat there, and jumped when I felt something surround my hands. Looking down, I saw that Piper had taken my hands in hers and was squeezing them reassuringly. "Phoebs...please, don't let it ruin the day. It's beautiful outside. I promise you that he won't lay a finger on you as long as I am here." I smiled at her and then looked down.
"To tell you the truth Piper...I'm less worried about him hurting me...and more worried that I'll let him. That I'll give in and return to him." I could feel my hands start to shake, but Piper held them firmly.
"Phoebe, look at me," Piper said slowly and confidently. I looked up at her, and her expression blew me away: pure confidence and faith. "You are stronger than that Phoebe. You've come this far, and nothing can stop you now. Believe in yourself, have a little faith. You're stronger and more resilient then you give yourself credit for." I looked at Piper for a few minute, and then a smile slowly grew across my face. I didn't have time to reply though, because the waiter came with our food and we began to eat. By the time we got to the café, ordered, drank our tea, and then ate lunch, it was close to one o'clock. Piper had reassured me that I was safe, and that Jim would not miraculously appear while we were out, so I relaxed and enjoyed the afternoon. After lunch we decided to get ice cream and we had fun chasing the ice cream truck down the street until he stopped.
"HEY! WAIT!" Piper called as we rounded the street corner and raced down the sidewalk. I saw neighbors smile as we passed and I waved to a few as I trailed behind my sister. She was so fast...and I just couldn't keep up. My energy level still wasn't very high. The truck finally stopped, and it happened to be only one house down from the Manner. Piper was yelling at the truck driver when I finally caught up to them and stood huffing behind her. At hearing my deep breaths Piper turned around and instantly got a concerned gleam in her eyes. "Phoebe honey, are you all right?" she asked, putting her hand on my shoulder and looking at me with concern.
"Yeah..." I said as I regained my breath. "I just can't run that fast...not enough energy..." I smiled at her and finally recovered my speaking abilities fully. "I'm fine Piper, don't worry. C'mon, let's get some ice cream." At this time Piper turned back around to the truck driver and gave him an angry scowl.
"I'd like vanilla, what about you Phoebe?"
"Um...chocolate."
"Okay, one chocolate too," Piper repeated to the ice cream man.
"Piper...?" I said hesitantly.
"Yeah?" she asked as she handed me the ice cream and was about to pay.
"Should we get one for Prue too?" I saw the surprise evident on her face, but after a second she smiled.
"Yeah, that's a good idea. We'll have a strawberry one for our sister," she relayed to the driver, and then paid as he handed her the ice cream. "It's a good thing we're right near the Manner," she said with a laugh as the truck drove away and we headed for the car. "Here, you hold Prue's and I'll drive" she said as she handed me the ice cream and I started to eat mine. The cold felt good in my mouth and I shivered as I ate and Piper drove. We had to blast the air conditioning so Prue's ice cream wouldn't melt. Fifteen minutes later we arrived at Bucklands and rushed upstairs to see Prue. Her door was only slightly open and I hesitated, but Piper walked right in.
"Hey Prue!" she called, and I watched as Prue's head jerked up in surprise. She had been bending over a painting on a table to the side of her desk and hadn't noticed our entry.
"Piper! Phoebe! Wow, what a surprise," she said, looking at us in shock as we walked up and presented her with her ice cream. "Thanks," she said, and eyed it hungrily. Well, she had a right to be surprised. I hadn't even mentioned leaving the house since I got back, and whenever asked if I wanted to go out to eat I had refused immediately. The only time I had been out was when Cassie was here. Her presence made me feel like nothing had happened...and that there was nothing to worry about. Since she left though, a deep fear of Jim had become plastered into my mind.
"Take a break Prue, and eat with us," Piper said, and I smiled because our ice creams were already about finished by now. Still, I waited for Prue to pull her desk chair around beside ours and then sat down.
"This is a nice surprise," Prue said happily as she started to eat her ice cream. "I wasn't even expecting any visits...Piper, remember the last time you visited me at work?" I looked over at Piper and saw her smile widen.
"Yeah...well..." I looked at Prue as she laughed, and was relieved when she finally noticed my blank expression.
"Oh, Phoebe. Last time Piper came she tripped on the paintings I had on the floor and poured coffee all over herself," Prue laughed and I looked over at Piper.
"Well, you think its funny now," Piper said. "You were so mad then that I almost spilled coffee on the paintings that you started yelling and disrupted your boss' important meeting." Prue abruptly stopped laughing and looked at Piper with unknowing eyes.
"I did?" she asked and Piper nodded, a smile spreading across her face.
"When I was leaving your boss' secretary approached me and told me to tell you to keep the noise level down." Prue's mouth dropped down in shock and I looked from Piper to Prue, and back again. As Prue sat back eating her ice cream, trying to think of that day, I glanced over at Piper. She winked at me, and I smiled. She had made the whole thing up...Well, I guess Prue would never know.
"So, what did you guys do today?" Prue asked, apparently brushing off Piper's comment. I sat listening contently as Piper filled Prue in on our day and laughed when she brought up the ice cream truck incident.
"You should have seen her Prue," I said, looking at Piper's frown and trying to suppress my giggles. "She was so mad.and all the neighbors were staring at us." Prue laughed with me and Piper pouted.
"It's not funny. We were paying customers and he just kept on driving. It was ridiculous." Piper tried to convince us that the driver was at fault, but I just shook my head. I watched as Prue teased Piper and then settled back into my own thoughts. I was happy with the way things were now.and they could be this way forever. I want them to be this way forever.
"Hey, we're not that busy and I can do this tomorrow," Prue said, motioning to the paintings on the table. "Why don't I go home with you guys? I feel like I'm missing out on all the sisterly bonding." I smiled at my big sister and looked at Piper.
"Yeah," Piper said. "We can all make dinner and watch a movie." I nodded my consent and we headed out of Prue's office and to our cars. As we walked on I fell behind with Prue and saw a twinkle in her eyes.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked, and I smiled as I nodded.
"Piper's going to end up kicking us out of the kitchen."
"Yeah," Prue said with a smile. "So let's let her do all the work." I nodded at Prue's comment and hurried to catch up with Piper so we could drive home behind Prue. On the way we stopped to rent some movies, and since we couldn't all decide we came home with a bag full.
Once home we changed into comfortable clothes and headed for the kitchen. Within minutes Prue and I had made a mess and Piper was shoving us out the door.
"You two will be the end to my kitchen!" she complained, and we were left in the hallway.
"Well.we tried the best we could!" Prue screamed back and I watched as Piper's head poked out of the door.
"You were only cutting up a salad.A SALAD! How hard can that be?! There are tomatoes, lettuce, and peppers EVERYWHERE!" I cringed at Piper's tone, but knew she wasn't really mad, just a little exasperated with us.
"C'mon Phoebs, let's leave PIPER to her DINNER and we can pick out a movie," Prue said, glaring at our sister, pretending to be mad, and storming off to the living room dragging me behind her. I had to laugh at their antics as Prue dragged me away from Piper and I saw Prue crack a smile as well. "Told you," she said as we sat on the couch and I nodded.
"It only took three minutes," I said as we collapsed in giggles.
"Did you see how she was hovering around us, worried that we'd do something to mess up her kitchen?.I 'dropped' that tomato on purpose just to see what she would do," Prue said and I had to laugh along with her. When we finally settled down I could hear Piper mumbling to herself in the kitchen as she finished the salad and started on the pasta. "Phoebe?" I looked over at Prue and saw a serious expression on her face.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"I'm glad you're okay.I mean, I thought after finding you in Piper's room this morning that you might be having a pretty rough time.so I'm glad you're feeling better."
"Thanks," I said as I smiled at Prue and reached forward to give her a hug. "I have my bad moments," I said as we pulled apart, "But there are good moments too. Sometimes I just get nervous that Jim'll come back for me.but Piper said that you guys would never let him take me.that I was too strong to give in to him."
"Piper's right," Prue said as she leaned down to kiss me on my forehead. "C'mon, let's pick out a movie." After debating for a full twenty minutes, Prue and I decided on The Mummy, a good action/adventure movie. Feeling that enough time had passed, we snuck towards the kitchen and peeked in to see Piper mixing together the sauce and warming up the bread. Dinner was almost ready.And I hated to admit it, but if Prue and I had been more involved in the preparing process, then dinner wouldn't have been ready for another hour. After glancing at Prue, and her at me, we nodded to each other and walked into the kitchen. Piper looked up at our entrance and scowled at us, but she kept preparing.
"Put that stuff on the table, will you?" she asked, and Prue grabbed the plates and silverware while I took the salad and the bread. Piper soon followed with the pasta and three cokes. We sat down immediately and started to fix ourselves plates. Prue started complimenting the dinner, and that got Piper started on a huff about the mess earlier.he he. I just played along with Prue, acting innocent and then shifting the conversation to what we were going to do later. Piper wasn't thrilled with our movie choice.
"Awww, c'mon you guys, how about a drama/romance."
"Uh.I'm not really in the mood for a romance." I said quietly, and Piper fell silent.
"Hey, I have an idea," Prue said. "After The Mummy Phoebe and I could make us a desert while you watch the movie of your choice." Piper looked at Prue with an "I can't believe you just said that, I'm not letting you into my kitchen" look and I just smiled.
"C'mon Pipe, please," I begged, using my nickname for her. "Let us cook for you." Piper sighed and I knew she had given in. I high-fived Prue under the table and we continued to eat while Prue threw out suggestions to what we should make. We all cleaned up the dishes after we ate and Piper scowled at Prue and me for making a mess while washing the pots.Prue just blew some bubbles across the room at Piper and I ducked out of the room before Piper exploded. Seconds later Prue popped out of the door and bumped right into me. I just smiled at her and then poked my head back into the kitchen. Piper was laughing and I had to smile at her too as I retreated with Prue into the next room to set up the movie. After gathering blankets and pillows, we plopped down on the couch and started to fast forward through the movie previews. Seconds later Piper came in with popcorn and settled down on the other side of me. By the end of the movie my sisters and I were in hysterics because of Prue's antics. Piper enjoyed it more than she would let on.and I think she really enjoyed it because Prue kept doing impressions of the characters, making us all laugh.
"Okay, time for desert," Prue exclaimed, jumping up and bringing me with her. Piper groaned, probably hoping that she had forgotten, and I waved to her as Prue dragged me into the kitchen and started pulling things out of cabinets. When I saw the pile of ingredients sitting on the counter I smiled and got out a pan. We were making chocolate chip cookies...just like we use to make with Grams when we were little. A fairly simple recipe...but there was still some expertise required in the baking area. Prue and I were known for burning things.
The night went on and Prue and I had fun as we made our desert for Piper. I mixed the ingredients as Prue kept Piper from sneaking into the kitchen and we set the cookies to bake while we made tea and talked of old times. It was nice...but...almost too good to be true...
"Phoebs! The timer is going off!" I heard Prue shout, and I was pulled from my thoughts as we rushed over to take out the cookies.
"...Good...they're safe," I whispered as we set them to cool and cleaned up the mess we had made.
"Smells good," I heard Piper say and I turned to see that she had entered the kitchen. I smiled as she ushered me to the chair and proceeded to clean the dishes herself...and while I didn't want her to do my share of the work...I was tired. I wasn't use to this much activity in one day. I sat down with a sigh and watched my sisters finish up with the dishes. A couple of minutes later Piper brought the hot tea and warm cookies over to the table and we began to eat. "Mmmnn...almost as good as mine," Piper said teasingly and I smiled at her as I bit into the warm cookies and the gooey chocolate spilled into my mouth. The day had gone by too quickly...where I was right now...I felt safe. Warm, happy, and safe. I hope that feeling never vanishes from my life again...the happy chocolate chip cookie feeling. I smiled at this thought and slowly sipped my tea. It was getting late, and I found that both of my sisters were watching me.
"You're tired honey, aren't you?" Prue asked, and I smiled again at her concern.
"Yeah, I think I'll head up," I replied and they both got up to wish me goodnight. My eyes went wide as Prue pulled me forcefully into a hug and held me for a few moments with her arms wrapped tightly around me. Piper did the same when Prue finally let me go and I kissed both of them on the head. "Goodnight," I said softly as I picked up my tea and walked upstairs. I slowly ambled along the hallway to my room and shut the door behind me. My room was dark and cool...I breathed in the fresh air and....wait...I hadn't left that window open...My mug fell to the floor with a thunk and my tea spilled all over the rug as two arms circled me from behind.
"Hey babe." That voice...Oh my God...my heart thumped loudly as I slowly turned around and faced him...It was Jim.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Hey. Sorry its been a while but I was actually waiting for more reviews on the last chapter...and during that time my inspiration started to dwindle, so please review! I'll try my best to come out with the next chapter as soon as I can but summer is sadly coming to an end and I have to finish all of my summer work before school starts. Oh, and I hope everyone liked that I ended the last chapter on a happier note than previous chapters. ^__^ Please enjoy and review for this one!
Disclaimer: I do not owned Charmed...*sad face* Oh well...
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Cassie left last week, and upon her departure I retreated to my room. For some reason, her presence made me feel more at ease and more open...she treated me like nothing had happened since we parted at the New York airport. Now it was just my sisters and me...and around them I felt an awkward silence. No one knew what to say to each other. Besides this, I was afraid of my actions around the house. In my room I'd find myself going through all of my things...searching for something. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I feared that I might find it. At night I still had dreams...dreams that I didn't remember, but I'd wake up sweating and shaking all over, just wanting what Jim had given me...wanting something I couldn't have. I was gaining strength and eating regularly, but I still lacked confidence and didn't really speak up to Prue or Piper about what was on my mind, how I felt, or what I thought. One night after dinner I was sitting in the living room reading a book when they both sat down on either side of me and waited. After a few minutes I slowly closed the book and set it down on my lap.
"What's up?" I asked, a little afraid of the answer.
"Well..." Piper said, and she looked at Prue nervously.
"What Piper wants to say," Prue said, taking my hand and looking me in the eyes. "Is that we need to talk to you about the therapy you promised to go to after you got home." I stared at her for a moment before wrenching my hand out of hers and standing up quickly, causing my book to fall to the floor.
"You already know my feelings on the matter," I said curtly, and I started to walk away, but Piper's small grip on my other hand held me back.
"Please Phoebe, let's just talk about it," she whispered, and I looked back at her concerned eyes with regret. Sighing to myself, I slowly sat back down, picking up my book as I did so and placing it on the table.
"Phoebs...the doctor strongly recommended that you go through with the therapy. You were allowed to leave the hospital because we took you out of the recovery program...but Doctor Scott warned me that once out, you probably wouldn't voluntarily go back. The hospital can't force you to go back for the sessions, but we'd really like it if you did. I really think it would help you." Prue finished this statement as Piper let go of my hand and I looked at both of them.
"Prue...Piper..." I whispered, clearing my head in order to piece my thoughts together. "Please...please don't make me. It's...it's just...my head...I don't think I really understand, or can even deal with, what's going on in there at the moment...what's been going on in there for the past days, weeks, months...I'm really not ready to share any of my thoughts with a perfect stranger, or a group of strangers. I can barely cope with my feelings, or understand them myself. If you sent me...I don't think it would help at all. Maybe after some time has passed...but...please, don't make me..." I went silent as tears threatened to overflow from underneath my eyelids, and I looked down at my hands as the room went silent.
"Phoebe...we can't make you go," Prue said, lifting my face up so that my eyes met hers. "But, maybe until you find the courage...maybe you could confide in us. We're good listeners and I think we may be able to help you." Prue smiled gently at me, and after a few moments I smiled back.
"Yeah...I think I could do that," I whispered, and I leaned forward to give my sister a hug.
"What about me?" Piper asked, and I lifted my arm so that she could join in on the embrace. After we parted I picked my book back up again, and after a few moments both of my sisters left me to myself. Of course, I wasn't really reading the pages, or even opened to the right page of my romance novel. I was sitting there thinking about my life...my sisters...the life I had had before...and trying to put all of it together. New York seemed like ages ago...but it really was only a month or two...not really that far in my past. An hour later I realized that I was sitting alone downstairs, so I got up to turn off the light and made my way upstairs. Still...even once I was in bed, I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep. What if he was awaiting me there...Slowly, my body took over and forced my mind to rest. Hours later I woke up in a cold sweat, vaguely remembering the dream of me running away...far away from everything, only to find myself in Jim's arms...only to find Jim forcing himself on me, and me not wanting his touch any longer. After taking a few deep breaths I got out of bed and made my way downstairs for some tea. I got a cup ready with shaky hands, and then realized that I didn't want to be alone. The darkness and solitude of the kitchen made me feel edgy and vulnerable, so after sipping my tea I walked quietly upstairs and into Piper's room. I heard her breathing evenly, and the sound soothed me right away. Taking in a few deep breaths, I sat down on her desk chair and drank my tea. The room was completely dark...but I felt safe and I allowed my mind to wander. When I was done with my tea I lightly set it down on Piper's desk and then heard her rustle. A few seconds later I decided that I should leave since she might wake up, but as I got up I heard a whisper.
"Phoebe?...Is that you?" she asked, and I made my way over to her.
"Yeah...it's me."
"Are you alright?" I smiled when she asked this, still amazed at how much she worried and cared for me.
"Yeah...I just couldn't sleep, and after I got some tea I didn't really want to be alone. I'm sorry I woke you. I just wanted some company...and I was just leaving since I finished drinking my tea..."
"No...it's all right," she said quickly and reached out for my arm. "Do you want to stay here the rest of the night?" I thought about my own room and my own bed, and the dreams that were awaiting me there. Maybe I'd get a better night's sleep if I were in here with Piper...
"Um...Do you mind?" I asked timidly, and Piper moved over to her right to make room for me.
"It's fine, c'mon, my bed's big enough for two." I scooted in next to my sister and took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly.
"Thanks," I whispered, and I felt Piper's hand tighten around mine.
"Any time. Now get some sleep, you sound exhausted." I smiled at this and comfortably closed my eyes as I awaited sleep to take me. When I woke up in the morning Piper was still sleeping next to me...It must be her day to stay home with me. Ever since I had returned to the house there was always someone there with me so I wouldn't have to be alone. I appreciated it, but I felt bad that I was putting my sisters through so much stress. It was already nine and Piper wasn't up yet. I knew Prue was gone already, and I listened happily to the sound of our silent house. It was peaceful...soothing. I sat up and leaned against the head of Piper's bed as I took in the peacefulness and simplicity of the moment. When I heard a noise next to me, I turned to see that Piper was awake and had sat up next to me on her bed. "You okay?" she asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled over at her and she returned a smile to me. "Piper?" I said after a few minutes of silence.
"Yeah?" she asked, and I looked over at her. She was slouching beside me, looking away into space daydreaming.
"Can we go out today? Do something?" She looked startled at this comment, but then nodded.
"Yeah, let's do something. You want to walk to the park? We can eat lunch at the café there."
"Yeah," I replied, and I slowly got out of bed. "I'll go get ready. She nodded, and as I headed for the shower I knew that Piper was on her way downstairs to make us breakfast. I didn't know why...but today seemed different. Maybe today...I could live life like a regular woman...maybe I could live normally without thinking of what has been haunting my thoughts for weeks upon weeks...months even. I think today would be different. It should be different.
By the time I got downstairs Piper had finished making eggs and toast, eaten hers, cleaned everything up, and had set out a plate for me.
"Thanks," I said as she headed upstairs for the shower.
"No prob," I heard her call back as she disappeared upstairs.
Every day eating became easier and easier...more natural. When you thought about it...food was life. You can't live long without it...you need energy and nutrients to survive. I guess I had forgotten that...but the past weeks have made me realize that I want to live. Living felt good, and I didn't want Jim or drugs to take that feeling away. It was around eleven when both Piper and I were ready.
"Shall we?" Piper asked, and I smiled as I picked up my jacket and followed her out the door. The day was just right. The sun was shining and a cool breeze was blowing by as we walked down the sidewalk in the direction of the park.
"It feels nice to be outside," I stated, and Piper nodded back to me in response.
"Yeah...things have been so hectic...It's nice to get out and just relax." I nodded, and took in the sites of my old neighborhood as we walked down the street. When we rounded the bend that leads into the park I remembered the days when we were little, and Prue would walk us down so we could feed the ducks and play on the playground. Things may have changed between us, but the park was the same as I had left it all those years ago.
"Phoebs, over there," Piper said, and I looked over at the café she was pointing to. I nodded and we made our way over and sat down at a table outside. We ordered tea and sipped on it as the waiter went to give our sandwich orders to the chef.
"Remember when we were little and you told me that one day you'd be a chef at this café?" I asked. Piper laughed and set her tea down.
"Yeah...But it looks like I haven't lived up to that statement."
"You still can," I replied, and Piper smiled at me.
"What about you?" she asked. "I recall you saying that one day you'd have a motorcycle like the ones the older guys use to ride over near the park entrance." I smiled slightly, and then the thought of a motorcycle sent my mind rearing back towards Jim. He had a motorcycle...we use to ride it together. "Phoebe?" Piper asked, and I sipped my tea as I tried to keep my hands from shaking. Still, my mind raced. We're in open daylight, right in plain sight! What if he saw me? He could just come right over and..."Phoebe?" I looked up and shook my head a little to clear my mind.
"It's nothing, I'm fine," I insisted, but Piper didn't let me off the hook so easily.
"Are you sure?...Phoebe, c'mon. What is it?" I sighed and took a long sip of my tea before attempting to answer.
"It's nothing...just...It's just that...that...J-Jim owned a motorcycle. Your comment just made me think of him..."
"Oh Phoebe, I'm sorry," Piper said with worry and guilt in her voice. "I didn't even know." I looked around me again, becoming paranoid as we sat there, and jumped when I felt something surround my hands. Looking down, I saw that Piper had taken my hands in hers and was squeezing them reassuringly. "Phoebs...please, don't let it ruin the day. It's beautiful outside. I promise you that he won't lay a finger on you as long as I am here." I smiled at her and then looked down.
"To tell you the truth Piper...I'm less worried about him hurting me...and more worried that I'll let him. That I'll give in and return to him." I could feel my hands start to shake, but Piper held them firmly.
"Phoebe, look at me," Piper said slowly and confidently. I looked up at her, and her expression blew me away: pure confidence and faith. "You are stronger than that Phoebe. You've come this far, and nothing can stop you now. Believe in yourself, have a little faith. You're stronger and more resilient then you give yourself credit for." I looked at Piper for a few minute, and then a smile slowly grew across my face. I didn't have time to reply though, because the waiter came with our food and we began to eat. By the time we got to the café, ordered, drank our tea, and then ate lunch, it was close to one o'clock. Piper had reassured me that I was safe, and that Jim would not miraculously appear while we were out, so I relaxed and enjoyed the afternoon. After lunch we decided to get ice cream and we had fun chasing the ice cream truck down the street until he stopped.
"HEY! WAIT!" Piper called as we rounded the street corner and raced down the sidewalk. I saw neighbors smile as we passed and I waved to a few as I trailed behind my sister. She was so fast...and I just couldn't keep up. My energy level still wasn't very high. The truck finally stopped, and it happened to be only one house down from the Manner. Piper was yelling at the truck driver when I finally caught up to them and stood huffing behind her. At hearing my deep breaths Piper turned around and instantly got a concerned gleam in her eyes. "Phoebe honey, are you all right?" she asked, putting her hand on my shoulder and looking at me with concern.
"Yeah..." I said as I regained my breath. "I just can't run that fast...not enough energy..." I smiled at her and finally recovered my speaking abilities fully. "I'm fine Piper, don't worry. C'mon, let's get some ice cream." At this time Piper turned back around to the truck driver and gave him an angry scowl.
"I'd like vanilla, what about you Phoebe?"
"Um...chocolate."
"Okay, one chocolate too," Piper repeated to the ice cream man.
"Piper...?" I said hesitantly.
"Yeah?" she asked as she handed me the ice cream and was about to pay.
"Should we get one for Prue too?" I saw the surprise evident on her face, but after a second she smiled.
"Yeah, that's a good idea. We'll have a strawberry one for our sister," she relayed to the driver, and then paid as he handed her the ice cream. "It's a good thing we're right near the Manner," she said with a laugh as the truck drove away and we headed for the car. "Here, you hold Prue's and I'll drive" she said as she handed me the ice cream and I started to eat mine. The cold felt good in my mouth and I shivered as I ate and Piper drove. We had to blast the air conditioning so Prue's ice cream wouldn't melt. Fifteen minutes later we arrived at Bucklands and rushed upstairs to see Prue. Her door was only slightly open and I hesitated, but Piper walked right in.
"Hey Prue!" she called, and I watched as Prue's head jerked up in surprise. She had been bending over a painting on a table to the side of her desk and hadn't noticed our entry.
"Piper! Phoebe! Wow, what a surprise," she said, looking at us in shock as we walked up and presented her with her ice cream. "Thanks," she said, and eyed it hungrily. Well, she had a right to be surprised. I hadn't even mentioned leaving the house since I got back, and whenever asked if I wanted to go out to eat I had refused immediately. The only time I had been out was when Cassie was here. Her presence made me feel like nothing had happened...and that there was nothing to worry about. Since she left though, a deep fear of Jim had become plastered into my mind.
"Take a break Prue, and eat with us," Piper said, and I smiled because our ice creams were already about finished by now. Still, I waited for Prue to pull her desk chair around beside ours and then sat down.
"This is a nice surprise," Prue said happily as she started to eat her ice cream. "I wasn't even expecting any visits...Piper, remember the last time you visited me at work?" I looked over at Piper and saw her smile widen.
"Yeah...well..." I looked at Prue as she laughed, and was relieved when she finally noticed my blank expression.
"Oh, Phoebe. Last time Piper came she tripped on the paintings I had on the floor and poured coffee all over herself," Prue laughed and I looked over at Piper.
"Well, you think its funny now," Piper said. "You were so mad then that I almost spilled coffee on the paintings that you started yelling and disrupted your boss' important meeting." Prue abruptly stopped laughing and looked at Piper with unknowing eyes.
"I did?" she asked and Piper nodded, a smile spreading across her face.
"When I was leaving your boss' secretary approached me and told me to tell you to keep the noise level down." Prue's mouth dropped down in shock and I looked from Piper to Prue, and back again. As Prue sat back eating her ice cream, trying to think of that day, I glanced over at Piper. She winked at me, and I smiled. She had made the whole thing up...Well, I guess Prue would never know.
"So, what did you guys do today?" Prue asked, apparently brushing off Piper's comment. I sat listening contently as Piper filled Prue in on our day and laughed when she brought up the ice cream truck incident.
"You should have seen her Prue," I said, looking at Piper's frown and trying to suppress my giggles. "She was so mad.and all the neighbors were staring at us." Prue laughed with me and Piper pouted.
"It's not funny. We were paying customers and he just kept on driving. It was ridiculous." Piper tried to convince us that the driver was at fault, but I just shook my head. I watched as Prue teased Piper and then settled back into my own thoughts. I was happy with the way things were now.and they could be this way forever. I want them to be this way forever.
"Hey, we're not that busy and I can do this tomorrow," Prue said, motioning to the paintings on the table. "Why don't I go home with you guys? I feel like I'm missing out on all the sisterly bonding." I smiled at my big sister and looked at Piper.
"Yeah," Piper said. "We can all make dinner and watch a movie." I nodded my consent and we headed out of Prue's office and to our cars. As we walked on I fell behind with Prue and saw a twinkle in her eyes.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked, and I smiled as I nodded.
"Piper's going to end up kicking us out of the kitchen."
"Yeah," Prue said with a smile. "So let's let her do all the work." I nodded at Prue's comment and hurried to catch up with Piper so we could drive home behind Prue. On the way we stopped to rent some movies, and since we couldn't all decide we came home with a bag full.
Once home we changed into comfortable clothes and headed for the kitchen. Within minutes Prue and I had made a mess and Piper was shoving us out the door.
"You two will be the end to my kitchen!" she complained, and we were left in the hallway.
"Well.we tried the best we could!" Prue screamed back and I watched as Piper's head poked out of the door.
"You were only cutting up a salad.A SALAD! How hard can that be?! There are tomatoes, lettuce, and peppers EVERYWHERE!" I cringed at Piper's tone, but knew she wasn't really mad, just a little exasperated with us.
"C'mon Phoebs, let's leave PIPER to her DINNER and we can pick out a movie," Prue said, glaring at our sister, pretending to be mad, and storming off to the living room dragging me behind her. I had to laugh at their antics as Prue dragged me away from Piper and I saw Prue crack a smile as well. "Told you," she said as we sat on the couch and I nodded.
"It only took three minutes," I said as we collapsed in giggles.
"Did you see how she was hovering around us, worried that we'd do something to mess up her kitchen?.I 'dropped' that tomato on purpose just to see what she would do," Prue said and I had to laugh along with her. When we finally settled down I could hear Piper mumbling to herself in the kitchen as she finished the salad and started on the pasta. "Phoebe?" I looked over at Prue and saw a serious expression on her face.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"I'm glad you're okay.I mean, I thought after finding you in Piper's room this morning that you might be having a pretty rough time.so I'm glad you're feeling better."
"Thanks," I said as I smiled at Prue and reached forward to give her a hug. "I have my bad moments," I said as we pulled apart, "But there are good moments too. Sometimes I just get nervous that Jim'll come back for me.but Piper said that you guys would never let him take me.that I was too strong to give in to him."
"Piper's right," Prue said as she leaned down to kiss me on my forehead. "C'mon, let's pick out a movie." After debating for a full twenty minutes, Prue and I decided on The Mummy, a good action/adventure movie. Feeling that enough time had passed, we snuck towards the kitchen and peeked in to see Piper mixing together the sauce and warming up the bread. Dinner was almost ready.And I hated to admit it, but if Prue and I had been more involved in the preparing process, then dinner wouldn't have been ready for another hour. After glancing at Prue, and her at me, we nodded to each other and walked into the kitchen. Piper looked up at our entrance and scowled at us, but she kept preparing.
"Put that stuff on the table, will you?" she asked, and Prue grabbed the plates and silverware while I took the salad and the bread. Piper soon followed with the pasta and three cokes. We sat down immediately and started to fix ourselves plates. Prue started complimenting the dinner, and that got Piper started on a huff about the mess earlier.he he. I just played along with Prue, acting innocent and then shifting the conversation to what we were going to do later. Piper wasn't thrilled with our movie choice.
"Awww, c'mon you guys, how about a drama/romance."
"Uh.I'm not really in the mood for a romance." I said quietly, and Piper fell silent.
"Hey, I have an idea," Prue said. "After The Mummy Phoebe and I could make us a desert while you watch the movie of your choice." Piper looked at Prue with an "I can't believe you just said that, I'm not letting you into my kitchen" look and I just smiled.
"C'mon Pipe, please," I begged, using my nickname for her. "Let us cook for you." Piper sighed and I knew she had given in. I high-fived Prue under the table and we continued to eat while Prue threw out suggestions to what we should make. We all cleaned up the dishes after we ate and Piper scowled at Prue and me for making a mess while washing the pots.Prue just blew some bubbles across the room at Piper and I ducked out of the room before Piper exploded. Seconds later Prue popped out of the door and bumped right into me. I just smiled at her and then poked my head back into the kitchen. Piper was laughing and I had to smile at her too as I retreated with Prue into the next room to set up the movie. After gathering blankets and pillows, we plopped down on the couch and started to fast forward through the movie previews. Seconds later Piper came in with popcorn and settled down on the other side of me. By the end of the movie my sisters and I were in hysterics because of Prue's antics. Piper enjoyed it more than she would let on.and I think she really enjoyed it because Prue kept doing impressions of the characters, making us all laugh.
"Okay, time for desert," Prue exclaimed, jumping up and bringing me with her. Piper groaned, probably hoping that she had forgotten, and I waved to her as Prue dragged me into the kitchen and started pulling things out of cabinets. When I saw the pile of ingredients sitting on the counter I smiled and got out a pan. We were making chocolate chip cookies...just like we use to make with Grams when we were little. A fairly simple recipe...but there was still some expertise required in the baking area. Prue and I were known for burning things.
The night went on and Prue and I had fun as we made our desert for Piper. I mixed the ingredients as Prue kept Piper from sneaking into the kitchen and we set the cookies to bake while we made tea and talked of old times. It was nice...but...almost too good to be true...
"Phoebs! The timer is going off!" I heard Prue shout, and I was pulled from my thoughts as we rushed over to take out the cookies.
"...Good...they're safe," I whispered as we set them to cool and cleaned up the mess we had made.
"Smells good," I heard Piper say and I turned to see that she had entered the kitchen. I smiled as she ushered me to the chair and proceeded to clean the dishes herself...and while I didn't want her to do my share of the work...I was tired. I wasn't use to this much activity in one day. I sat down with a sigh and watched my sisters finish up with the dishes. A couple of minutes later Piper brought the hot tea and warm cookies over to the table and we began to eat. "Mmmnn...almost as good as mine," Piper said teasingly and I smiled at her as I bit into the warm cookies and the gooey chocolate spilled into my mouth. The day had gone by too quickly...where I was right now...I felt safe. Warm, happy, and safe. I hope that feeling never vanishes from my life again...the happy chocolate chip cookie feeling. I smiled at this thought and slowly sipped my tea. It was getting late, and I found that both of my sisters were watching me.
"You're tired honey, aren't you?" Prue asked, and I smiled again at her concern.
"Yeah, I think I'll head up," I replied and they both got up to wish me goodnight. My eyes went wide as Prue pulled me forcefully into a hug and held me for a few moments with her arms wrapped tightly around me. Piper did the same when Prue finally let me go and I kissed both of them on the head. "Goodnight," I said softly as I picked up my tea and walked upstairs. I slowly ambled along the hallway to my room and shut the door behind me. My room was dark and cool...I breathed in the fresh air and....wait...I hadn't left that window open...My mug fell to the floor with a thunk and my tea spilled all over the rug as two arms circled me from behind.
"Hey babe." That voice...Oh my God...my heart thumped loudly as I slowly turned around and faced him...It was Jim.
TO BE CONTINUED...