Hi! Psycho author here!
I'm in a rather odd mood, having read too many PPC stories (all of which can be found at misssandman.com/PPC/ppc.html. Go and read them - they're fun!), and have decided to start slaughtering Mary-Sues.
If you don't know what a Mary-Sue is, consider yourself lucky. Put simply, they are characters, usually Self Inserts, who mess with the entire plot of the book/films and generally screw with Canon, including the minds and personalities of the characters.
Now, the theory behind this is: What if a Mary-Sue encountered a character who *wasn't* OOC? Considering the odd places they pop up, I have a feeling this could be quite . . . interesting. Muahaha.
(Note: These are not in any particular order. Some of the later ones may actually be from right at the beginning. Uh . . . you know what I mean)
* * * *
Number One: The Council of Elrond
Suzanne Lentilbrains [I'm really sorry about the names. My ability to think in Sue-ish terms isn't too great] was angry. Her evil parents had kicked her out of her house for being too interested in Lord of the Rings. That was why she now used the secret spell that had been passed down her family for generations. She didn't know what it did, but . . .
Suddenly she found herself falling through the air. Around her were clouds and blue sky. Below, and coming ever nearer, was a forested valley. Various buildings were constructed in it. She fell towards an open courtyard in which a group were sitting discussing something . . .
SPLAT!
Lord Elrond Halfelven looked down at the mess that had appeared on his floor. It seemed to have once been a human girl, but now was flatter than a pancake. Motioning to the rest of his council, he said, "Lower your weapons," and continued to discuss the fate of the One Ring. There was time to think about falling girls later.
Number Two: The Council of Elrond Mark II
Lorelli Goldenbreath was depressed. Her parents had just been killed by a random axe murderer and her house burned. Now all she had left was a photograph of Legolas, the love of her life. Burying her face in the paper, she wept.
The feeling of air rushing past her made her look up. She found herself falling through a blue sky towards somewhere she immediately recognised - Rivendell! Now she would get to profess her love to the gorgeous elf! [I cannot *believe* I just wrote that!]
Angling herself carefully in the breeze, she fell directly onto his lap. She had time for one, brief, happy sigh before Legolas recovered enough to grab both his knives and sever her spine at the neck. Then she knew no more.
Number Three: The Council of Elrond Mark III
Legolana Silverhair ran through Imladris, her long hair trailing behind her. She didn't want to miss the Council! Although she hadn't been invited - indeed, Lord Elrond hadn't even known that a representative from the PaleFlower Woods was coming - she felt sure she would be needed. And, of course, she would get to see again the one she had loved in secret for so long - Legolas, the Prince of Mirkwood.
The elf rushed onto the patio. She saw her Legolas reach behind him, grab his bow, string an arrow and loose it, all in one graceful movement. Then the sharp arrowhead pierced her heart, and she blacked out from the pain.
Elrond stepped over to the cooling body. "Prince Legolas, why did you shoot her? She may have had important news."
Legolas shook his head, replacing his bow behind him. "My lord, I know this girl. She used to stalk me, long ago. She became a servant of evil in the deep past."
Number Four: The Redhorn Gate
As the snow fell in deep drifts, a decision was finally made to turn back. Caradhras had defeated them. They would have to brave the long darkof Moria.
As the nine turned and retreated before the onslaught, no one recalled the girl who had joined them just beyond Rivendell. They were all far too distracted.
By the time anyone had the time to wonder about the fate of Violet Shinyfingers, her corpse was cooled to the same temperature as the snow that surrounded it. The elf girl had frozen to death, buried beneath the anger of the mountain.
Number Five: The Extra Ringwraith
The Nazgul rode out from their stronghold of Minas Morgul. As their powerful black steeds reached the crossroads, another joined them from the east. "Hi," said the black-cloaked figure of the newcomer, "I'm Angelina Glowingelf. Souron sent me out to meet you guys after giving me this cool ring."
She might have been going to say more, but the Black Riders had heard enough. Although they were fond of creating dramatic tension, they could move swiftly when required.
She never even saw the nine silver swords as they sliced into her wraithlike body, severing the last essence of life. Without so much as a sigh, the black cloak crumpled down over the horse, which proceeded to wander off.
With a screech, the Nazgul resumed their journey.
* * * *
I'm sorry for inflicting the torture of having to read about Mary-Sues on you. The question is, do you want me to continue? There are lots more things I can do. Muahaha.
hS
I'm in a rather odd mood, having read too many PPC stories (all of which can be found at misssandman.com/PPC/ppc.html. Go and read them - they're fun!), and have decided to start slaughtering Mary-Sues.
If you don't know what a Mary-Sue is, consider yourself lucky. Put simply, they are characters, usually Self Inserts, who mess with the entire plot of the book/films and generally screw with Canon, including the minds and personalities of the characters.
Now, the theory behind this is: What if a Mary-Sue encountered a character who *wasn't* OOC? Considering the odd places they pop up, I have a feeling this could be quite . . . interesting. Muahaha.
(Note: These are not in any particular order. Some of the later ones may actually be from right at the beginning. Uh . . . you know what I mean)
* * * *
Number One: The Council of Elrond
Suzanne Lentilbrains [I'm really sorry about the names. My ability to think in Sue-ish terms isn't too great] was angry. Her evil parents had kicked her out of her house for being too interested in Lord of the Rings. That was why she now used the secret spell that had been passed down her family for generations. She didn't know what it did, but . . .
Suddenly she found herself falling through the air. Around her were clouds and blue sky. Below, and coming ever nearer, was a forested valley. Various buildings were constructed in it. She fell towards an open courtyard in which a group were sitting discussing something . . .
SPLAT!
Lord Elrond Halfelven looked down at the mess that had appeared on his floor. It seemed to have once been a human girl, but now was flatter than a pancake. Motioning to the rest of his council, he said, "Lower your weapons," and continued to discuss the fate of the One Ring. There was time to think about falling girls later.
Number Two: The Council of Elrond Mark II
Lorelli Goldenbreath was depressed. Her parents had just been killed by a random axe murderer and her house burned. Now all she had left was a photograph of Legolas, the love of her life. Burying her face in the paper, she wept.
The feeling of air rushing past her made her look up. She found herself falling through a blue sky towards somewhere she immediately recognised - Rivendell! Now she would get to profess her love to the gorgeous elf! [I cannot *believe* I just wrote that!]
Angling herself carefully in the breeze, she fell directly onto his lap. She had time for one, brief, happy sigh before Legolas recovered enough to grab both his knives and sever her spine at the neck. Then she knew no more.
Number Three: The Council of Elrond Mark III
Legolana Silverhair ran through Imladris, her long hair trailing behind her. She didn't want to miss the Council! Although she hadn't been invited - indeed, Lord Elrond hadn't even known that a representative from the PaleFlower Woods was coming - she felt sure she would be needed. And, of course, she would get to see again the one she had loved in secret for so long - Legolas, the Prince of Mirkwood.
The elf rushed onto the patio. She saw her Legolas reach behind him, grab his bow, string an arrow and loose it, all in one graceful movement. Then the sharp arrowhead pierced her heart, and she blacked out from the pain.
Elrond stepped over to the cooling body. "Prince Legolas, why did you shoot her? She may have had important news."
Legolas shook his head, replacing his bow behind him. "My lord, I know this girl. She used to stalk me, long ago. She became a servant of evil in the deep past."
Number Four: The Redhorn Gate
As the snow fell in deep drifts, a decision was finally made to turn back. Caradhras had defeated them. They would have to brave the long darkof Moria.
As the nine turned and retreated before the onslaught, no one recalled the girl who had joined them just beyond Rivendell. They were all far too distracted.
By the time anyone had the time to wonder about the fate of Violet Shinyfingers, her corpse was cooled to the same temperature as the snow that surrounded it. The elf girl had frozen to death, buried beneath the anger of the mountain.
Number Five: The Extra Ringwraith
The Nazgul rode out from their stronghold of Minas Morgul. As their powerful black steeds reached the crossroads, another joined them from the east. "Hi," said the black-cloaked figure of the newcomer, "I'm Angelina Glowingelf. Souron sent me out to meet you guys after giving me this cool ring."
She might have been going to say more, but the Black Riders had heard enough. Although they were fond of creating dramatic tension, they could move swiftly when required.
She never even saw the nine silver swords as they sliced into her wraithlike body, severing the last essence of life. Without so much as a sigh, the black cloak crumpled down over the horse, which proceeded to wander off.
With a screech, the Nazgul resumed their journey.
* * * *
I'm sorry for inflicting the torture of having to read about Mary-Sues on you. The question is, do you want me to continue? There are lots more things I can do. Muahaha.
hS