AUTHOR'S NOTE: My friend's idea, not mine.
DISCLAIMER: I own no characters save Erin, Lindsay and Melanie who are in the wrong story.
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"Oh sweet mother of Iluvatar," Legolas whispered, horrified.
"What?" Gimli asked, wondering at the shocked look on the elf's face as he stared into the book, it was written in Elvish and he couldn't read what it was about. Judging by the pictures, Gimli was afraid it was to sooth the sea longing that was beginning to raise its ugly head.
When the Elf looked up, his face was slightly green in color. "A blue whale's... thing..."
"What thing...?" Gimli asked. He knew exactly what the elf was implying at, he just wanted to play dumb and see what he would do.
Legolas indicated to the lower part of his body.
"Oh."
"Well, a blue whale's 'thing' is six feet long," Legolas looked slightly shocked, sickened and a bit scared. "The... testes are the size of a small Volkswagen beetle, (a vehicle from Earth.) And a small hobbit can crawl through its arteries."
"Why, may I ask, are you reading that anyways?"
"I don't know, but it will be forever burned into my soul for as long as I live," the shaken elf whispered.
"Hey Legolas, what are you reading?" Pippin asked. Gimli explained and the Hobbit's face resembled Legolas'.
"Where in Minas Tirth did you get that?" Aragorn asked, as he walked briskly into the room, only catching the last fragments of their conversation.
"I don't know, it was in the library on the table, open to the page," answered the elf. "It also says that Humans, Hobbits, Dolphins and bonobo monkeys are the only animals that have sex for pleasure."
King Elessar's face went slightly pale.
"A pig's orgasm lasts half an hour and a lion copulates at least fifty times a day, during mating season," the elf looked ready to vomit.
"Legolas, I command you give me the book," Aragorn said, walking towards the slightly queasy elf. He didn't even move as the King threw the nasty, deranged book into the fire.
"Another unnecessary evil destroyed," he said.
Gimli walked over to the much shaken elf. "Did you know a blue whale's belly button is eight inches long?"
The Elf ran to the nearest bathroom.
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A/N: please don't ask how I know all this. There might be a sequel, if you want it, or better/worse, anther chapter... all you have to do is review...
DISCLAIMER: I own no characters save Erin, Lindsay and Melanie who are in the wrong story.
---------------------------------------------
"Oh sweet mother of Iluvatar," Legolas whispered, horrified.
"What?" Gimli asked, wondering at the shocked look on the elf's face as he stared into the book, it was written in Elvish and he couldn't read what it was about. Judging by the pictures, Gimli was afraid it was to sooth the sea longing that was beginning to raise its ugly head.
When the Elf looked up, his face was slightly green in color. "A blue whale's... thing..."
"What thing...?" Gimli asked. He knew exactly what the elf was implying at, he just wanted to play dumb and see what he would do.
Legolas indicated to the lower part of his body.
"Oh."
"Well, a blue whale's 'thing' is six feet long," Legolas looked slightly shocked, sickened and a bit scared. "The... testes are the size of a small Volkswagen beetle, (a vehicle from Earth.) And a small hobbit can crawl through its arteries."
"Why, may I ask, are you reading that anyways?"
"I don't know, but it will be forever burned into my soul for as long as I live," the shaken elf whispered.
"Hey Legolas, what are you reading?" Pippin asked. Gimli explained and the Hobbit's face resembled Legolas'.
"Where in Minas Tirth did you get that?" Aragorn asked, as he walked briskly into the room, only catching the last fragments of their conversation.
"I don't know, it was in the library on the table, open to the page," answered the elf. "It also says that Humans, Hobbits, Dolphins and bonobo monkeys are the only animals that have sex for pleasure."
King Elessar's face went slightly pale.
"A pig's orgasm lasts half an hour and a lion copulates at least fifty times a day, during mating season," the elf looked ready to vomit.
"Legolas, I command you give me the book," Aragorn said, walking towards the slightly queasy elf. He didn't even move as the King threw the nasty, deranged book into the fire.
"Another unnecessary evil destroyed," he said.
Gimli walked over to the much shaken elf. "Did you know a blue whale's belly button is eight inches long?"
The Elf ran to the nearest bathroom.
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A/N: please don't ask how I know all this. There might be a sequel, if you want it, or better/worse, anther chapter... all you have to do is review...