AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, it was my friend's Bat Mitzvah yesterday. I've never had so much fun in my life. They're all educated on the subject of 6 feet now. When I told Hormheb (That's not her real name) that a SMALL child could crawl through it's arteries, she said "Akhenaten," thinking I said a WEIRD child. Akhenaten said "yeah, I took the scenic route and took lots of pictures for you."
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, they do.
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"Aragorn, it isn't burning," Legolas observed after coming back from the bathroom. Indeed, the books edges weren't even singed. The king took a pair of thongs- excuse me, tongs and removed the book from the fire.
Pippin looked warily at the book that was now on the table. "I wouldn't be surprised if this piece of shi-" Aragorn shot the hobbit a death glare, "literature, if you can call it that, came from the very vaults of Mordor," Pippin said, eyeing the book that was now lying on the desk.
"The only way you can destroy it is for the person who first discovered it to read it from back to front," Galdalf's cryptic voice came from the doorframe he was leaning against, he placed a sympathetic gaze on Legolas, "No elf has ever succeeded in that task. After attempting, they have either died from grief or sailed to the Undying lands to seek comfort for their tourtered souls."
"I will try," Legolas said bravely, sitting down in the chair and pulling the book closer to him. "If I do not make it, please know that I am very glad for the time that I've known you. Wish me luck." And with shaking fingers, he began to read the forward.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Elf?"
Legolas raised tired, bloodshot eyes. He had been sitting on his sore backside for the better part of three hours. He tensed when Gimli placed a comforting hand on his back.
"What chapter are you on?"
"The all too graphic steps of copulation," he replied brokenly.
"Do you want more coffee?" the dwarf asked, eyeing the cup that was nearly empty of the slighty bitter liquid. Legolas nodded his head. The elf let a sigh excape his lips when the dwarf left. He should have been read outloud.
*One week, three days, four hours, fourty two minutes and sixty-nine seconds later*
Aragorn ran to the study when a scream of ultimate suffering shook the walls of Osgiliath. When he opened the doors, his heart skipped several beats. The elf lay on the ground, the book reduced to ashes on the table. He bent down next to the elf's head and placed a hand on his throat. Legolas' heart was beating fast like he had run a marathon and was determined to come in first.
"Legolas? Legolas, answer me!" he shook the elf desperatly. The blue eyes fluttered open.
"A-Aragorn? Oh Aragorn, it was horrible," Legolas sobbed into the king's robes, "And the worse part is, it was but volume one in a trilogy."
I can't think of any more nasty things, so unless you review and tell me anything else desturbing, it's gonna be the end. I'm waaaaiiiting!!!!
Ellbee ~ And I suppose you're gonna be the one to teach him right? He's all yours!!
Sophie-cat ~ Yeah, really needed to know that. Thanks!
Anaraiwe ~ no, I'm not a perve, I just happen to have information that I would like to share.
LiquidDreamer ~ You knew some of it yourself? Now you know more!
La Vache ~ Je nais pas comprende.
MoroTheWolfGod ~ You actually want more?!
Odeena Skywalker Almarien ~ Yes, I suppose it was sick. Glad you liked it!
Princess Flame ~ Oh come on, it wasn't that bad… was it?