Chapter 4: We Finally Arrive in Town
Props: Angel Halo, Xel (again), Arglebargle (for the third time), Xue Liean, and that crazy person who's hiding from the hidden aliens who are trying to steal her third-level charm shield.
I'm looking for beta-readers to help me with plot points, and other crap. Anyone interested, please e-mail me at marvinman@fastmail.fm
This chapter was beta'd by Architeuthis. Yay! (Hurray! I can finally spell her name!)
And for those ready to kick my butt for the Side Chapter: Side Chapters almost always never become canon to the plot. So, please not the face. Or below the belt.
And now, the long awaited (?) entrance into town. Let's watch the fun!
******************************* 7:47 AM *****
The battleaxe floated in the air.
"This has got to be a fucking DREAM!" Marvin exclaimed. "This is NOT happening!"
The battleaxe spoke, in a upper-class Enlgish accent: "Do not be afraid, master."
Marvin froze. "M-m-master?"
"Indeed. You are my new owner."
Marvin's shoulders slumped. (Oh, god. If I do wake up from this thing, I'm getting my head examined. I'll stop wasting most of my money on junk food. It's those damn energy drinks, I swear.) "How?"
"It's very simple, master-"
"Stop calling me master."
"Yes. What shall I call you then?"
"Marvin."
"Well, Marvin, it's very simple: I'm a battleaxe, used in an old Uthgardt tribe, to show superiority. Whenever a tribe member demonstrated that he is superior to the tribe member wielding me, the loser was forced to give me up, and give me to the stronger tribe-member. It was a very annoying game of superiority, because, only the strongest member could only wield me, and
I had to change my security magic to only allow myself to be used by the strongest tribe member. I got changed around every week or so, and changing the fingerprints is very very annoying."
"Ah. I see. So, how did you figure out about that fingerprint thing?"
"Scholars from the PUTS Academy." The battleaxe moved about 90 degrees, so that the handle of Mr. Friendly was facing Marvin. "You, Marvin, have demonstrated that you are the superior, by killing the Uthgardt who wielded me last. Barbaric, but it works. Please grip my handle."
Marvin reluctantly gripped the handle of the battleaxe. A blue glow surrounded it.
"Please do not move your hand for the next five seconds."
At that point, a mosquito flew on top of Marvin's hand, and began to suck his blood. Marvin made faces, and gripped his empty Colt .45, attempting to not swat the fly. Marvin wanted this fingerprint thing done here and now.
"It's done."
Marvin swatted the fly, which was still drinking his blood. "Damn flies."
**********************************
Marvin traveled for an hour on foot, when he finally reached the town of Pentonville. It was a small urban town, with about a population of about 250-400. Marvin was no stranger to this town, as he contstantly stopped at his local computer store at the last two years, checking out hardware and software, flirting with the cashier.
But that all didn't matter now. What currently was on Marvin's mind was getting revenge on those damn mages. And he planned to do it with lots of hot bullety death for everyone. Computers were a very low priority at this point.
When he entered the town, Marvin just walked to the gun shop. with the battleaxe trailing in mid-air right behind him. Several people stopped and looked at the battleaxe. One screamed, "AHHH! IT'S A FLOATING AXE! HE'LL KILL US ALL!!"
But before the man could run away, there was a flash, and the people turned around, stared at the building which had just popped-up, and went inside. The place was a ghost town eighteen seconds later.
Marvin sighed. "Phew. Crisis averted."
Unfortunately, the gun shop was closed.
"DAMN IT!" Marvin roared.
Marvin decided to try the Walgreens' across the street. Locked, and closed, with a note saying "Back in 30 minutes."
"GOD-DAMMIT!" Marvin roared.
He looked at his watch. 8:52 AM. Darlan's Guns n' Ammo opened at 10:00 AM.
"Mr. Marvin, sir, what are you talking about?" The battleaxe inquired.
And so, Marvin told the battleaxe. The battleaxe didn't understand. Marvin told the battleaxe about guns, ammo, the local time system, and the year.
"Oh dear. The Uthgardt never told me about the time or the year. But then again, they were a clan of tribesmen who mostly lived in the mountains."
And so, the battleaxe prattled on what the Uthgardt were. The battleaxe droned on and on and on, discribing their fighting skills, what they wore, how and what they ate. Marvin quickly fell asleep after a few minutes of his blathering.
"WAKE UP!"
Marvin jolted awake. "Huh? What? What's- oh. Sorry." Marvin absentmindedly scratched his hand, where a welt was developing. "Look, Mr. Friendly, I need a drink. Bad. Three of the craziest things had happened to me since 6:00 AM, and I don't plan on leaving this town without a drink, another gun, and a handful of clips."
"Ah, yes. Your gun, as you call it."
Marvin looked down on the cut on his leg. "And some medical attention."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I think this cut is becoming infected." Marvin looked towards the newly appeared building which everyone in town just went inside. (What the hell is so great about that place? I mean, it's just a damn restraunt. I mean, it doesn't even serve beer. Wait. why does the sign on the side say "Tavern"?)
Marvin rushed in, with the battleaxe trailing right behind.
************************
The restraunt/tavern's renovations were a bit haphazard. The place looked like a crossover of a medieval and modern bars, with the occasional torch and wall-mounted light pair. The big screen plasma TV was crushed, but, in its place, were "The Banshee Ballad", a group of three teenage bards trying to create the most excellent sound on New Faerun.
Apparently, they had failed in the radically worst way, making lute strums, drum beats to the sound of a 14-year-old screaming like a banshee.
That caused the patrons to throw their half-full beer bottles at the kids. The drummer took a blow to the head, and was knocked out. The lute strummer and the singer retalitated by turning on the crowd, fighting with daggers.
One drunk patron punched his friend, which caused his other drunk friend to punch him, which caused the first guy to punch the guy in the back of the head, and apparently, they kept hitting the others instead of each other. A brawl broke out.
Twenty-seven seconds later, Marvin and Mr. Friendly came in. Marvin groaned and sighed at the mess they were making.
"Oh, well. At least it's the most normal thing I've seen all morning."
Marvin avoided the brawlers, went up to the counter, jumped right behind it (Man, they even managed to take out the bartender, Marvin thought.), went to the mini-bar, grabbed three beers, and looked up just in time to see Mr. Friendly block an incoming chair by cutting it in half.
"Good save, Mr. Friendly."
"Be careful, Marvin. That chair could have rendered you unconsious."
Marvin smirked, grabbed Mr. Friendly, and ran out of there with the beers.
**********************************
And later, during the brawl, Marvin used Mr. Friendly to break into Darlan's...
Marvin entered the store, through the make-shift hole he created from the back-door. He traveled past the supply room, and entered the shop through the back.
"I'm like a kid in a candy store!" Marvin exclaimed.
"Marvin, are you sure what you're doing is lawful?" Mr. Friendly inquired.
"Look, dammit, Marvy needs his ammo now!" Marvin snapped.
First, he put away his Colt .45 (Too small a magazine. I mean, if I have to face crazy crap all the time, at least I have to carry something with more than seven bullets.), took a Glock with four clips, and gave himself a Remington shotgun. Marvin loaded a shell into the gun, and fired at the ground.
(I think I'm in love.)
Marvin stole the shotgun, with four cartons of shells, and put all of his five-fingered goodies into the backpack in the supply room.
After successfully stealing some of Darlan's goods (No police around. That's odd, Marvin thought, shortly before he heard several gunshots coming from the bar), he broke into the drugstore, and stole some aspirin, antibiotics, and a First Aid Kit.
As soon as Marvin walked out of the drugstore, he saw that the police were on duty, and coming out of the tavern.
"HEY! *hic* YOU'RE A DAMN THIEF!" One of the drunken officers shouted, and drew his gun.
"Oh, dear. I knew this was going to happen to us, Marvin. Because no one escapes the arm of the-"
"Shut up, battleaxe!" Marvin snapped and whipped out the Glock 18 that was in the holster he stole from the gun shop. (Wait... no, that would be very stupid.) Marvin re-holstered his pistol, and took out two of the beers.
"Hey, officers! Just for doing a great job, have two cold ones on me!" Marvin walked up to the officers and gave them the beers.
The officers hooted, and lifted up their guns, and fired shots into the air. Then, they began to work on opening the beer bottles with their batons. Marvin took this opportunity to leave town.
After about 30 minutes into their walk, Mr. Friendly thought about the situation at hand, and how Marvin handled it. Mr. Friendly spoke up: "Uh, Marvin?"
Marvin sighed. "What is it?"
"What happens when the peacekeepers are no longer intoxicated?"
"I'll hope to be out of this town long before they are no longer intoxicated. Besides, I need the ammo and first aid, and I'm not about to wait for everyone to stop their hangovers and re-open the stores. Fortunately, I will need to put a lot of miles between me and Pentonville, and I have plenty of time to do that. Now, for our next move."
Marvin consulted the map. "Ah-HA! Mages' HQ is just ahead!"
*****************
Chapter 5 is coming soon. And, YES, Jeric Halper will be making a premiere sometime... in the next two chapters. And Byara Halebein will be also, too. Hahahaha! You thought the enitre side chapter wasn't canon, now did you?
Props: Angel Halo, Xel (again), Arglebargle (for the third time), Xue Liean, and that crazy person who's hiding from the hidden aliens who are trying to steal her third-level charm shield.
I'm looking for beta-readers to help me with plot points, and other crap. Anyone interested, please e-mail me at marvinman@fastmail.fm
This chapter was beta'd by Architeuthis. Yay! (Hurray! I can finally spell her name!)
And for those ready to kick my butt for the Side Chapter: Side Chapters almost always never become canon to the plot. So, please not the face. Or below the belt.
And now, the long awaited (?) entrance into town. Let's watch the fun!
******************************* 7:47 AM *****
The battleaxe floated in the air.
"This has got to be a fucking DREAM!" Marvin exclaimed. "This is NOT happening!"
The battleaxe spoke, in a upper-class Enlgish accent: "Do not be afraid, master."
Marvin froze. "M-m-master?"
"Indeed. You are my new owner."
Marvin's shoulders slumped. (Oh, god. If I do wake up from this thing, I'm getting my head examined. I'll stop wasting most of my money on junk food. It's those damn energy drinks, I swear.) "How?"
"It's very simple, master-"
"Stop calling me master."
"Yes. What shall I call you then?"
"Marvin."
"Well, Marvin, it's very simple: I'm a battleaxe, used in an old Uthgardt tribe, to show superiority. Whenever a tribe member demonstrated that he is superior to the tribe member wielding me, the loser was forced to give me up, and give me to the stronger tribe-member. It was a very annoying game of superiority, because, only the strongest member could only wield me, and
I had to change my security magic to only allow myself to be used by the strongest tribe member. I got changed around every week or so, and changing the fingerprints is very very annoying."
"Ah. I see. So, how did you figure out about that fingerprint thing?"
"Scholars from the PUTS Academy." The battleaxe moved about 90 degrees, so that the handle of Mr. Friendly was facing Marvin. "You, Marvin, have demonstrated that you are the superior, by killing the Uthgardt who wielded me last. Barbaric, but it works. Please grip my handle."
Marvin reluctantly gripped the handle of the battleaxe. A blue glow surrounded it.
"Please do not move your hand for the next five seconds."
At that point, a mosquito flew on top of Marvin's hand, and began to suck his blood. Marvin made faces, and gripped his empty Colt .45, attempting to not swat the fly. Marvin wanted this fingerprint thing done here and now.
"It's done."
Marvin swatted the fly, which was still drinking his blood. "Damn flies."
**********************************
Marvin traveled for an hour on foot, when he finally reached the town of Pentonville. It was a small urban town, with about a population of about 250-400. Marvin was no stranger to this town, as he contstantly stopped at his local computer store at the last two years, checking out hardware and software, flirting with the cashier.
But that all didn't matter now. What currently was on Marvin's mind was getting revenge on those damn mages. And he planned to do it with lots of hot bullety death for everyone. Computers were a very low priority at this point.
When he entered the town, Marvin just walked to the gun shop. with the battleaxe trailing in mid-air right behind him. Several people stopped and looked at the battleaxe. One screamed, "AHHH! IT'S A FLOATING AXE! HE'LL KILL US ALL!!"
But before the man could run away, there was a flash, and the people turned around, stared at the building which had just popped-up, and went inside. The place was a ghost town eighteen seconds later.
Marvin sighed. "Phew. Crisis averted."
Unfortunately, the gun shop was closed.
"DAMN IT!" Marvin roared.
Marvin decided to try the Walgreens' across the street. Locked, and closed, with a note saying "Back in 30 minutes."
"GOD-DAMMIT!" Marvin roared.
He looked at his watch. 8:52 AM. Darlan's Guns n' Ammo opened at 10:00 AM.
"Mr. Marvin, sir, what are you talking about?" The battleaxe inquired.
And so, Marvin told the battleaxe. The battleaxe didn't understand. Marvin told the battleaxe about guns, ammo, the local time system, and the year.
"Oh dear. The Uthgardt never told me about the time or the year. But then again, they were a clan of tribesmen who mostly lived in the mountains."
And so, the battleaxe prattled on what the Uthgardt were. The battleaxe droned on and on and on, discribing their fighting skills, what they wore, how and what they ate. Marvin quickly fell asleep after a few minutes of his blathering.
"WAKE UP!"
Marvin jolted awake. "Huh? What? What's- oh. Sorry." Marvin absentmindedly scratched his hand, where a welt was developing. "Look, Mr. Friendly, I need a drink. Bad. Three of the craziest things had happened to me since 6:00 AM, and I don't plan on leaving this town without a drink, another gun, and a handful of clips."
"Ah, yes. Your gun, as you call it."
Marvin looked down on the cut on his leg. "And some medical attention."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I think this cut is becoming infected." Marvin looked towards the newly appeared building which everyone in town just went inside. (What the hell is so great about that place? I mean, it's just a damn restraunt. I mean, it doesn't even serve beer. Wait. why does the sign on the side say "Tavern"?)
Marvin rushed in, with the battleaxe trailing right behind.
************************
The restraunt/tavern's renovations were a bit haphazard. The place looked like a crossover of a medieval and modern bars, with the occasional torch and wall-mounted light pair. The big screen plasma TV was crushed, but, in its place, were "The Banshee Ballad", a group of three teenage bards trying to create the most excellent sound on New Faerun.
Apparently, they had failed in the radically worst way, making lute strums, drum beats to the sound of a 14-year-old screaming like a banshee.
That caused the patrons to throw their half-full beer bottles at the kids. The drummer took a blow to the head, and was knocked out. The lute strummer and the singer retalitated by turning on the crowd, fighting with daggers.
One drunk patron punched his friend, which caused his other drunk friend to punch him, which caused the first guy to punch the guy in the back of the head, and apparently, they kept hitting the others instead of each other. A brawl broke out.
Twenty-seven seconds later, Marvin and Mr. Friendly came in. Marvin groaned and sighed at the mess they were making.
"Oh, well. At least it's the most normal thing I've seen all morning."
Marvin avoided the brawlers, went up to the counter, jumped right behind it (Man, they even managed to take out the bartender, Marvin thought.), went to the mini-bar, grabbed three beers, and looked up just in time to see Mr. Friendly block an incoming chair by cutting it in half.
"Good save, Mr. Friendly."
"Be careful, Marvin. That chair could have rendered you unconsious."
Marvin smirked, grabbed Mr. Friendly, and ran out of there with the beers.
**********************************
And later, during the brawl, Marvin used Mr. Friendly to break into Darlan's...
Marvin entered the store, through the make-shift hole he created from the back-door. He traveled past the supply room, and entered the shop through the back.
"I'm like a kid in a candy store!" Marvin exclaimed.
"Marvin, are you sure what you're doing is lawful?" Mr. Friendly inquired.
"Look, dammit, Marvy needs his ammo now!" Marvin snapped.
First, he put away his Colt .45 (Too small a magazine. I mean, if I have to face crazy crap all the time, at least I have to carry something with more than seven bullets.), took a Glock with four clips, and gave himself a Remington shotgun. Marvin loaded a shell into the gun, and fired at the ground.
(I think I'm in love.)
Marvin stole the shotgun, with four cartons of shells, and put all of his five-fingered goodies into the backpack in the supply room.
After successfully stealing some of Darlan's goods (No police around. That's odd, Marvin thought, shortly before he heard several gunshots coming from the bar), he broke into the drugstore, and stole some aspirin, antibiotics, and a First Aid Kit.
As soon as Marvin walked out of the drugstore, he saw that the police were on duty, and coming out of the tavern.
"HEY! *hic* YOU'RE A DAMN THIEF!" One of the drunken officers shouted, and drew his gun.
"Oh, dear. I knew this was going to happen to us, Marvin. Because no one escapes the arm of the-"
"Shut up, battleaxe!" Marvin snapped and whipped out the Glock 18 that was in the holster he stole from the gun shop. (Wait... no, that would be very stupid.) Marvin re-holstered his pistol, and took out two of the beers.
"Hey, officers! Just for doing a great job, have two cold ones on me!" Marvin walked up to the officers and gave them the beers.
The officers hooted, and lifted up their guns, and fired shots into the air. Then, they began to work on opening the beer bottles with their batons. Marvin took this opportunity to leave town.
After about 30 minutes into their walk, Mr. Friendly thought about the situation at hand, and how Marvin handled it. Mr. Friendly spoke up: "Uh, Marvin?"
Marvin sighed. "What is it?"
"What happens when the peacekeepers are no longer intoxicated?"
"I'll hope to be out of this town long before they are no longer intoxicated. Besides, I need the ammo and first aid, and I'm not about to wait for everyone to stop their hangovers and re-open the stores. Fortunately, I will need to put a lot of miles between me and Pentonville, and I have plenty of time to do that. Now, for our next move."
Marvin consulted the map. "Ah-HA! Mages' HQ is just ahead!"
*****************
Chapter 5 is coming soon. And, YES, Jeric Halper will be making a premiere sometime... in the next two chapters. And Byara Halebein will be also, too. Hahahaha! You thought the enitre side chapter wasn't canon, now did you?