[The Scoobies fight off the vampire hordes. In the process, the vampires mistake Anya for the Slayer and Spike for Angel. Neither Spike nor Buffy are very happy about this. Even odder is the fact that Giles is the one who scares the vampires most of all. Meanwhile, sparks fly between Faith and Lindsey, and Kelly makes nice with Fred, Gunn and especially Wesley.]
Dawn and Connor sit on the couch in the great hall on the first floor of his house.
CONNOR: Buffy will kill me. She has every reason to.
DAWN: She won't. Buffy's not like that. She doesn't kill people cause of vengeance or anger or fear. And you need to put what you did in context. All her friends have tried to kill Buffy at least once. Xander, Willow, Anya. And of course Spike.
CONNOR: What about you?
DAWN: [joking] I'm always the one left out. But Buffy tried to kill me. And everyone else. She was poisoned by a demon, and it messed with her mind. Made her believe she was in a mental hospital and this world was a delusion she had created. Thought killing us would give her back her sanity.
CONNOR: Why do you all try to kill each other?
DAWN: It's the Hellmouth. Makes people do crazy things.
CONNOR: But I did crazy things before I came here.
DAWN: Because you didn't trust anyone. Because you were thrown into a world you couldn't understand. Deep down, you've always been good. You've always wanted to do the right thing.
CONNOR: Then why do I keep doing the wrong thing?
DAWN: Im guessing you never ask for advice. And no offense, but you don't think things through. Not that I always mind when you're impulsive. Coming to see me last night, that was impulsive and great. But when your life or someone else's is at stake, it's best to ask questions before you go all taser on somebody.
CONNOR: I never felt like I had someone I could talk to about those things. Before you.
DAWN: I know the feeling.
Spike and Buffy run into a cavern that branches off from the tunnels. They surprise the vampires and behead two of them. Two more turn and run. Spike chases one down and decapitates it with an ax, and Buffy runs down the other and dusts it with a sword. They hear sounds of panic nearby and race towards them. The two of them come across eight vampires at an intersection of two tunnels. They each take out a crossbow and shoot one of the vamps. Four of the vampires run away. The two remaining vampires stand and fight. Buffy and Spike each fight and stake one of them. Then they continue chasing the others, who soon surface. Several dozen vampires are running through the forest.
BUFFY: I don't get it. They're running away from the people.
Buffy and Spike follow and watch what ensues from a safe distance. The vampires swarm into the caves. They soon retreat as dozens of demons come out to meet them. The vampires regroup and attack again. Their confidence worries the demons. Five demons have their necks snapped. Three vampires have their heads bitten off. After about five minutes, the demons retreat back into the caves. The jubilant vampires follow and kill more demons.
BUFFY: I know they hate each other, but do vampires and demons usually fight like this?
SPIKE: Not in these numbers. Neither side's big on cooperation. This can't be good. I've never seen that many vampires work together.
BUFFY: Could they have a really strong leader?
SPIKE: I didn't notice one. Just a mob. When things go could, nothing can stop them.
BUFFY: And when things go bad, they panic.
SPIKE: We can only hope.
The vampires leave the caves and travel back through the forest towards the center of town. Buffy and Spike follow. From a hillside, they can see a 20-foot tall white-haired demon standing among the trees. He grabs two vampires — one in each hand — and eats them.
BUFFY: What the hell? Is that Susquatch?
SPIKE: He's not that big. I didn't know they could live this far south.
BUFFY: What?
SPIKE: A Leshi. Forest demon. A protector. Sometimes of people, sometimes other demons. The vampire influx must have upset the balance between demons and vampires in this town.
BUFFY: And he's going to fix that by killing vampires? Doesn't sound like a problem.
SPIKE: He'll stay around even when the vampires are gone. That's the rub. They don't leave. Come daytime it'll kill any person who crosses its path.
BUFFY: Guess we'll burn that bridge when we come to it. You've seen these things before?
SPIKE: Killed one about seventy years ago in Karelia. I was enjoying the 21-hour winter nights. Ate so many people this thing sprouted up to defend them. They're tricky. Change size in an instant. Can't be killed during the daytime.
BUFFY: And they're huge.
SPIKE: Usually about ten feet tall. He can't stay this big for long.
BUFFY: So they're killable. I mean, you bagged one. Did you cut its head off?
SPIKE: You have to rip out its heart. And eat it.
BUFFY: You've got to be kidding.
SPIKE: If you don't eat it, in a few seconds it grows another one.
BUFFY: Well then, it's a good thing I've got you around to handle that part.
Cecil and Oscar meet Angelus in the sub-basement. They take him up the elevator to his fifth floor room and tend to his wounds. Cecil sews up the stomach laceration and uses butterfly bandages to close the gashes on Angelus's face left by Lindsey's brass knuckles.
CECIL: The good thing about our kind is you stitch us up, we're good as new. I once sewed a vamp's arm back on. Fully functional within three days.
He puts cream on Angelus's numerous puncture wounds from the flail and the shotgun blasts.
ANGELUS: What the hell is that crap?
CECIL: A poultice containing enzymes which accelerate the vampire healing process. Picked it up wholesale — in Boise of all places. Sell it for a pretty penny on the coast. It'll sink into the skin in less than an hour. Get some rest, drink plenty of blood, you'll be fine by tomorrow night.
OSCAR: I left four quarts simmering next to your bed.
ANGELUS: Human?
OSCAR: Newborn babies'. [Angelus smiles]
ANGELUS: You guys are the best.
OSCAR: Don't mention it.
ANGELUS: I still don't get it. How could they find me right after I surface? First place I go, they have someone. No one can be that good.
CECIL: When the mercenaries attacked you, were you hit by anything?
ANGELUS: Just a dud tranq dart.
OSCAR: Bet that wasn't a tranq.
Cecil runs out of the room and comes back in with a hand-held electronic device.
CECIL: When I moved in, I swept the place for bugs. Someone had you guys wired-up the ying-yang.
ANGELUS: Wolfram & Hart.
CECIL: Roll on your side. [receives interference noise at one spot in his upper back.] Hold still. [Makes a small incision with a scalpel, sticks tweezers under the skin, and pulls out the homing device.] Looks like they had you tagged. I'll go flush this.
ANGELUS: No. Leave it on top of the dresser. I going to play a little trick.
CECIL: Rest up, chief.
OSCAR: You'll get em soon.
Oscar and Cecil turn off the lights, close the door and get into the elevator.
OSCAR: Doesn't get more perfect than this.
CECIL: Angelus is out of commission. His troops will be out all night searching for his attackers. As always, great working with you.
OSCAR: The long twilight struggle isn't my cup of tea. Good will always be here, no matter how hard you fight it. No point risking your life in the battle. Might as well have fun and make money.
CECIL: It's a shame how few vampires are truly enlightened. Everywhere I go, there's some idiot telling the faithful "I'm going to destroy the world." "We are about to make history end."
OSCAR: The ultimate jinx. You hear a guy say that, best thing to do is get as far away as possible from him.
CECIL: I've been at this 39 years. You've been on the scene for 31. During that time there've been dozens of attempts to destroy the world.
OSCAR: Hundreds probably.
CECIL: And yet it's still here. You think demons would have gotten the message by now.
DAWN: People died. Dozens, probably hundreds. Because I lived. Buffy died. I watched her friends cry and suffer. All because I was alive. I kept thinking the world would have been a much better place if I had just killed myself. I didn't deserve all that sacrifice. All those innocent victims. I wasn't worth it.
CONNOR: Those people who made you could have killed you if they wanted. But they didn't. Because you're good. You can't beat evil by killing something that's good.
DAWN: That's why Buffy won't kill you. That's why Angel didn't hurt you.
CONNOR: I'm not so sure that I'm good.
DAWN: But you're sure I am. Why?
CONNOR: You treat me good. You care about me. When I'm with you, you always make me happy.
DAWN: I feel the same way about you, Connor. Makes you good in my book.
Lindsey is in Faith's room. They're both wearing what they wore during the fight, which in Faith's case is a white tank top and black leather pants. Both of them are a bit pumped up about their success.
FAITH: You guys were wicked.
LINDSEY: Without you he would have escaped a lot earlier.
FAITH: Kelly deserves an Oscar for her whole scared little girl routine. He bought it hook, line and . . . what was with the Barry Manilow improv?
LINDSEY: He is evil.
FAITH: Angelus or Barry?
LINDSEY: Both. I think.
FAITH: Tell me the truth. When you hit him, did it feel good?
LINDSEY: Just the first punch. To see the surprise in his face the moment when he knew we had outsmarted him. Everything after was self-defense. We had to hurt him to keep him from killing us.
FAITH: I didn't much like beating him to a bloody pulp. But I liked how I felt after. Being on the winning team again. Been a while for me.
Kisses Lindsey on the lips.
FAITH: Been a while for that, too.
They pause and look at each other for a few very tense seconds. She wraps her arms him, he pulls her close, and they kiss rather passionately. Faith rips open his shirt. There's more smooching and heavy breathing. Faith tosses Lindsey on the bed, takes off her shirt, and jumps on top. After a little more kissing and pawing, Lindsey rolls on top, catches his breath, and looks down at Faith. He smiles and asks her a question.
LINDSEY: What are we doing?
FAITH: Celebrating.
LINDSEY: Celebrating what?
FAITH: Not quite sure.
Down the hall in the command center.
KELLY: I think you're right. Considering this guy's M-O, it'd be best if I skip town in the morning. No problem. I'm due at Pendleton in two days anyway. Training some new agents.
WES: Isn't Camp Pendleton near Sunnydale?
KELLY: Might be. Never really noticed. That's where the other Slayer and the vampire with a soul live?
WES: A vampire with a soul.
LORNE: Right now he would be the only one.
WES: To confer that title upon Spike is an affront to Angel.
LORNE: Nice to know you're loyal to the MEMORY of Angel, as opposed to the actual —
FRED: Please guys. Not now.
KELLY: Isn't this supposed to be the part where we go out, get drunk and blow off steam?
GUNN: That ain't a bad idea.
WES: We can't risk going out. Angelus's fighters will be looking for us.
KELLY: Then we go to the bar downstairs.
WES: I do like the idea of going to a bar to do something besides drown my sorrows —
LORNE: Or calm my jangled, apocalypse-fried nerves.
FRED: Sounds like a plan. I'll tell Lindsey. [comes back a few seconds later] He's not in his room.
WES: Where's Faith?
A few seconds of silence as people consider the possibilities.
GUNN: I'm guessin' they found another way to blow off steam.
FRED: You think Lindsey's — with Faith?
LORNE: Didn't have to be an empath to see that coming.
Wes, Gunn and Fred all look a little shocked.
WES: We didn't see it coming.
KELLY: Happens all the time. The stress of combat. The exhilaration of success. Makes people wanna hook up.
WES: It does? [looks at Kelly]
KELLY: In the corps we had limits cause you can't fraternize with someone of a different rank. But you guys are all basically equals. Which must mean Winifred gets a lot of attention. Am I right, honey?
Fred looks a little embarrassed.
FRED: Shall we get to the drinking?
The five of them head downstairs.
Giles, Anya and Xander are trying to defend a couple blocks in the center of town around the Bronze and some other nightspots. They threw holy water at the intersections of several side streets with Main, encouraging the vampires to take the paths of least resistance and come up Main from the north and the south. That way, they only have two points to defend. Giles stands on the roof of the Magic Box overlooking the southern approach. Next to him are four firebombs, a metal bucket with a small fire burning inside, a bow, and six incendiary arrows. 18 Vampires head north on Main Street. When they get to the intersection nearest Giles, he lights and tosses the molatov cocktails one by one. The flames ignite and consume four vampires. The other 14 vampires look around for the culprit. They spot Giles up on the roof. By then, he has grabbed his bow. Giles dips the first arrow in the flames coming out of the bucket, pulls back the bow, aims and fires. He hits a vampire in the chest. Giles does this five more times, methodically incinerating six vampires one-by-one. The eight remaining vampires pull back. Giles goes down into the store to get weapons for close fighting before heading out onto the street. Scott wakes up in Buffy's old training room. He dashes out into the main part of the store and runs out the back exit, away from Main Street. Giles turns and sees something running away from him. He doesn't care about the ones who are fleeing, so he pays it no mind and heads out onto Main Street.
A few blocks north of Giles, Anya stands against the side of a building, concealed in the shadows from the dozen vampires who are walking towards her. When they have walked past her, she heads out into the middle of the street and drops an empty metal gas can. The dozen vampires turn and see her. Anya smiles sheepishly.
ANYA: Oops. Clumsy me.
She reaches down and lights a match on the bottom of her shoe.
ANYA: Always dropping things.
The vampires charge. Anya tosses the match a few feet forward. When the match hits the fumes of the gasoline she has poured across the length of the street, a wall of flames rises up between Anya and the vampires. She stands there, safely behind the flames, arms folded, staring the foolish vampires down. Two of them catch fired and burn up. The other ten turn and run south, away from Anya and towards Giles. They also happen to be running right into Xander, who is driving a bulldozer he stole from his nearby construction site where they are building the future Sunnydale Public Library. He sweeps up two more vampires and plows them back into the flames. Then Xander turns around and heads south, swerving side-to-side to knock down as many bewildered vampires as possible. The vampires, caught between two fires, have difficulty fleeing. Giles stakes two of the vampires Xander has run over. Xander scoops up two more and drops them on the flames. One vampire flees east on a side street, while another flees west. Two vampires try to skirt the flames by running on the sidewalks, where Anya didn't pour any gasoline on account of not wanting to torch the adjacent buildings. Anya runs to her right to cut them off. She stakes the lead one with a broken broom handle, then points the makeshift spear at the trailing vampire's chest as he runs towards Anya. He can't stop in time and his heart is pierced. He looks at Anya with an expression of fear and terror. "Slayer," he calls her before falling forward and turning to dust. Anya jumps up and down a few times, then runs over to Xander, who has stepped off the bulldozer to look and see if all the vampires are gone.
ANYA: Did you see that!? Did you see that? He called me the Slayer. He called ME the Slayer!!!
Xander looks confused.
XANDER: Who?
ANYA: The vampire. I staked him, and he called me Slayer before disintegrating. They think I'm the Slayer!! It makes sense. They're strangers to this town. I'm a sexy, limber, athletic young woman who's killing vampires left and right. And I was punning!
XANDER: That's nice, Anya. I have to go return the machine before anyone finds out and fires me.
Xander gets back on the bulldozer and drives off.
The eight vampires who fled Giles now return. Giles picks up his chainsaw, pulls the cord and heads towards them. The vampires see a stern-looking man walking out from behind the flames brandishing a large, noisy, painful weapon. They stop in their tracks, look at each other, and run away. Giles is delighted. He scared off eight vampires all by himself. Meanwhile, Buffy and Spike run towards Main Street.
BUFFY: Do you see smoke?
SPIKE: Looks like we might be too late.
BUFFY: What about Giles? And Xander and Anya?
SPIKE: Overwhelmed and ran away.
BUFFY: If they were lucky. Do you hear a low roar?
SPIKE: Sounds like a chainsaw.
BUFFY: Oh no. Why did I ever leave them alone?
Buffy and Spike approach from the east on a side street. The man with the chainsaw has his back to them. The chainsaw's engine slows down and then stops. Buffy brandishes her stake in her left hand and her sword in her right. Spike holds a large ax with both hands. An instant before they are going to charge, Giles turns around. Buffy and Spike both flinch. Then they recognize him.
BUFFY: Giles???
SPIKE: That's a interesting look for you.
Giles looks serene and calm.
GILES: Hello Buffy. We have things under control here.
BUFFY: But the fires?
GILES: Burnt the vampires. And they're almost out by now.
Anya runs over and looks at Buffy and Spike.
ANYA: You missed the barbeque. But don't worry. We didn't miss you. What with all the slaying going on, you two probably would have just gotten in the way.
BUFFY: Where's Xander?
ANYA: Returning the bulldozer.
SPIKE: He tried to fight them by earth moving?
ANYA: No. he ran them over and picked them up. It was very brutal and extremely funny. Did I mention that they called me the Slayer?
GILES: They did what? [Buffy bursts out laughing]
ANYA: When I staked the last one, he looked at me and called me Slayer. I smote vampires after making ironically prophetic puns. Now they fear me. Do they still fear you?
BUFFY: Just when I thought tonight couldn't possibly get any worse. Why is God punishing me? (As if Angel's son trying to kill her and shacking up with her sister wasn't enough.)
GILES: Fear YOU? Anya, I'm the one who chased eight of them away single-handedly.
SPIKE: How exactly did you do that?
GILES: Came at them with the chainsaw.
BUFFY: I can see that.
SPIKE: Makes sense to me.
Xander comes back to the group.
XANDER: I returned the equipment. Buffy! You missed one helluva vampire massacre.
ANYA: A massacre of vampires, not by them.
BUFFY: How much massacring are you talking about?
GILES: I killed 12.
XANDER: I did four.
ANYA: I did four solo, plus assists on Xander's four. He tossed them into my fire.
GILES: That would make 20.
ANYA: Have you ever killed 20 at once? Or in a single night?
BUFFY: Why won't my reality STOP unraveling?
SPIKE: How did you kill one score vampires? Assuming they weren't just bloody suicidal to begin with.
GILES: Fire. Also stakes, arrows and heavy machinery.
SPIKE: Don't forget chainsaws.
BUFFY: I know I can't.
Eight new vampires come up a side street and surprise the gang from behind. Giles tries to start his chainsaw, put the first pull doesn't do the trick. A vampire kicks it out of his hands. Buffy punches the vampire in the face, and Spike tosses him back. Three other vampires attack Xander, Spike and Giles. Two vampires charge at Buffy. She prepares to fight them, but they run right by her and converge on Anya. Suddenly being mistaken for the Slayer doesn't seem so fun. She assumes a fighting stance and pulls out a stake in her right hand and a cross in her left. Rather than jump her right away, the vampires size her up and keep their distance.
BUFFY: Okay. This has gone too far.
She grabs one of the vampires from behind, spins him around, and punches him with a right hook.
BUFFY: I'm the Slayer, you moron!
She tosses that vampire on his back. The other one punches Anya in the face, and she goes down hard. Buffy leaps over Anya and kicks that vampire in the face, knocking him on his back. The three remaining vampires go after Buffy. She kicks one in the face, trips up another, blocks a female vampire's left cross, punches her in the face, and decks her with a right roundhouse kick.
BUFFY: Get it? Me Slayer.
The vampire who punched Anya leaps at Buffy from behind. Buffy turns her head, reaches her right arm out, and stakes it.
BUFFY: You dust.
She hurls her stake at the vamp right in front of her, dusting it. The female vampire kicks Buffy in the right side of her face. The first vampire she knocked to the ground punches the left side of her face. Buffy grabs them by their hair and bashes their heads together. Buffy notices her sword on the ground, picks it up, and beheads both vampires before they can get to their feet. She charges the fifth vampire. He runs, but she is able to slice his left achilles' tendon. He screams and falls to the ground, Buffy beheads him.
Giles hits the vampire who was attacking him with a right cross. He pops Giles in the jaw with a right hook. Giles ducks under a left hook and lands right and left jabs to the vampire's nose. The vampire hits Giles in the stomach with a right uppercut. He throws a left hook, which Giles moves back to avoid. The vampire charges Giles and throws a right cross. Giles moves to his left, grabs the vampire's right arm and pushes him forward. The vampire runs head-first into a light pole and falls to the pavement. Buffy has just finished dusting five vamps and looks to assist the others.
BUFFY: Hey Giles! Need any help?
Giles picks up his chainsaw and starts it up. Buffy hears the roar and sees Giles approaching his vampire.
BUFFY: Guess not.
She turns around and walks away. The vampire tries to get up, but Giles saws off his right leg just above the knee. Buffy winces as she hears the screams. Giles then decapitates the vampire. Xander hits a vampire with a right jab. She knocks him down with a right hook. He pulls out a cross, which prevents her from biting him when she jumps on top. The cross causes her to roll off him. They both get up. Xander blocks a left hook with his right arm, and lands a left cross. She grabs him and tosses him into a wall. Xander remembers he has a mace, pulls it out and hits her in the left side of her skull when she attacks. The vampire backs up. Xander holds the mace in his right hand and a stake in his left. Buffy walks over and grabs the vampire from behind.
BUFFY: May I?
XANDER: Knock yourself out.
Buffy tosses the vampire face-first into a brick wall.
XANDER: I mean, of course, knock her out.
Buffy kicks kicks her in the chin, then punches her in the face with left and right hooks.
BUFFY: I left my stake in one of her friends. You mind?
Xander stakes her. Anya gets up and runs over to them, rubbing the spot on her left cheek where she was punched.
XANDER: Couldn't have done it without you.
ANYA: Why thank you.
XANDER: No. I meant — wait, I guess I mean both of you.
Giles comes over.
GILES: Did you know that when you slay a vampire, his severed body parts also turn to dust?
BUFFY: Where's Spike?
Spike was taken on by a tall, burly vampire names Lewis. Spike tosses Lewis, charges him, then gets thrown himself. Their fight quickly spills over onto a back street on the opposite side of Main from where Xander and Buffy ended up. Spike goes bumpy and lands a left hook. Lewis lands a left jab, but Spike blocks a right hook and answers with a right jab. Lewis sizes up his opponent.
LEWIS: Why are you fighting with them? You're one of us.
SPIKE: I never was one of you, even when I was on your side.
Spike connects with a right kick. Lewis pegs Spike in the nose with a powerful right jab. Spike backs up.
LEWIS: I get it now. You got your soul back. You're the vampire with a soul!
SPIKE: What tipped you off, mate?
Spike lands a right cross, then blocks Lewis's right hook. Lewis grabs Spike and tosses him into the brick wall of an apartment building. When Lewis charges, Spike knocks him back with a right kick.
LEWIS: It's really you. You're Angel! [he assumes Angelus got his soul back within the last few days, possibly when the sun came out.]
Spike snarls and leaps at Lewis, taking him down. He bashes the back of Lewis's head into the asphalt four times. He hits Lewis twice in the face with his left fist. Then he stands over Lewis, grabs his shirt with his left hand, and prepares to pummel Lewis's face with his right fist.
SPIKE: I! [punch] Am! [punch] Not! [punch] Angel! [punch] You! [punch] Stupid! [punch] Git! [punch]
Spike picks Lewis up and hurls him head-first into a utility pole. Lewis grabs the pole with both arms to keep from falling down. He staggers towards Spike, barely conscious.
LEWIS: Dude. Don't be so touchy.
Spike snaps Lewis's neck and he turns to dust. Buffy finds Spike. She heard the yelling but wasn't listening closely enough to understand what he was saying.
BUFFY: Something the matter?
SPIKE: Sure, they're from out of town. But you've made a name for yourself. You figure they'd recognize you.
BUFFY: Tell me about it.
NEXT: Buffy stakes Scott, but not before he tells her about his sire, Angelus. Spike and Buffy engage in some friendly post-battle bonding. And Janice, Mike and Peter pick the perfect moment to attack Dawn and Connor.