[Wesley gets really friendly with Kelly. Spike and Buffy get personal. And Dawn and Connor receive a rude awakening from Janice, Mike and Peter.]
The bar in the lobby of the hotel. The gang sits around a semi-circular booth. Kelly sits on one end, with Wesley to her left, Fred to his left, and Gunn to her left. They're all knocking back a good amount of suds. After all their recent stresses – the Beast, permanent midnight, Angelus, evil Cordy – this is the first chance they've had to relax in a long, long time. Meanwhile, Lorne is getting back to performing.
KELLY: Is this his day job? I mean his night job? I mean [laughs], his real job?
GUNN: Used to be. He owned a club.
WES: Caritas. Catered to humans and demons. Destroyed or blown up on several occasions. Eventually he just threw in the towel.
KELLY: Who says we can't all get along? [drinks some more] He's quite good. Never seen a Kareoke machine put to good use before.
FRED: Lorne also listens. He's an empath. [downs a tequila shot] You sing, he can read your thoughts. Sometimes he can predict your future, your destiny.
KELLY: Sounds more like a curse than a gift. Who wants that kind of burden?
WES: [signals the waitress] Can we have another round of shots? Thank you. It's been a while since he's listened. The last thing he heard blew his mind.
FRED: Literally. Well, it would have, but the people Lindsey used to work for sucked it out of his brain. They gave the info to some psychics, and their heads all exploded.
KELLY: It really ain't easy being green.
That's what Lorne happens to be singing at that moment. Kelly giggles, and the others laugh as well. The shots arrive, they clink glasses, down the liquor and chase it with some more beer.
WES: Now Kelly, I've been wondering, how did you get into demon fighting?
KELLY: First, a warning – my story's a lot more boring that any of yours'. I wasn't born into it, or grew up fighting them, or got enslaved by them. I was just a boring girl from San Diego. Did Army ROTC in college. Found out I couldn't serve in the front lines or do Special Forces. Graduate, get commissioned, find out there's an SF unit that doesn't care if you're a girl. So I go through training, qualify, and then find out we're supposed to fight demons. Wasn't aware when I signed up that we were a joke to the other black ops.
GUNN: Cause they didn't believe in demons?
KELLY: No. Because demons don't shoot at you. But our fighting makes up in quantity what we lack in quality. Ranger combat's ten times more stressful. But we're sent out to fight something new every couple days. They're not always in the field. It doesn't help our reputation that the rookies like to wear kevlar and dress like ninjas cause it makes em feel tougher.
GUNN: Bullet-proof vest ain't gonna do jack to protect you from a vampire.
KELLY: That's what I tell them. We're supposed to blend into the scenery, not stick out like extras from some Tom Clancy movie. Anyway, I did that for five years. About a year ago I shifted to the reserves. Still help with training and stuff.
WES: You make your money fighting as a mercenary?
KELLY: Some of it. But I make a lot through consulting.
WES: There are demon consultants?
KELLY: It's a become a big field overseas. Government first hired a lot of us as mercenaries to fight the demons. Then they realized it's a lot cheaper to hire a few of us as consultants to advise home-grown forces. Like the fighters Gunn used to lead. The people defend their own neighborhoods and villages. We supply the equipment and the knowledge.
WES: I have a lot of knowledge. And experience. You're telling me these things can be lucrative?
KELLY: With the right foreign contacts. Don't you know people from when you were with that international NGO? What was the name of the group you worked for again, Wesley?
WES: The Council of Watchers.
KELLY: I've heard of them. English guys?
WES: Predominantly.
KELLY: Someone once told me that the Watcher's Council was a bunch of librarians who pretend to be spies. You don't seem like the type.
WES: Well I've, progressed, and grown, since leaving them. Since getting kicked out, actually. A dishonorable discharge, in your lexicon.
KELLY: Sounds like it was your lucky break. Those who can't do, watch. You obviously can do.
WES: Cheers to that.
They clink mugs and throw back some more beer.
KELLY: We sometimes used people connected with the Council as sources. But even though they're set up like a spy agency, they have no secrecy. No encryption. Anyone who wants to can get a list of their operatives and knock them off one by one without much effort.
WES: Someone actually has. Over the past year.
KELLY: Can't say they weren't warned.
WES: You mean the U.S. military knew about the First Evil in advance? [Kelly laughs]
KELLY: I think maybe we've both had to much to drink. Cause what I just heard –
WES: Never mind.
KELLY: I meant they had been warned about their non-existent security procedures. But I think they have a problem with Americans. Knew a guy in intell who said they hadn't gotten over the Revolutionary War.
WES: Actually, half of them haven't gotten over Hastings, and the other half haven't gotten over the Saxon Invasion.
Kelly laughs. Wes and her are sitting a lot closer than they were at the start of the evening.
FRED: They've sure hit it off.
GUNN: Look on the bright side. Least she's not evil.
FRED: I'll drink to that. [they clink glasses and both finish off their beers] Least she's not evil? We really are setting the bar rather low these days.
Lorne launches into Jackie Wilson's "To Be Loved."
LORNE: "Someone to care. Someone to share. Lonely hours, and moments of despair. To be loved. To be loved. Oh, what a feeling, to be loved."
GUNN: Our boss is trying to kill us. One of our best friends is cooking up an apocalypse. And this morning we thought it was a miracle when we saw the sun rise.
FRED: [laughs] Yeah. We're so happy we could cry.
Puts her left hand on top of Gunn's right hand. Leans her head against his.
GUNN: Really puts life in perspective.
FRED: Makes you realize what matters.
LORNE: "Some wish to be a king or a queen. Some wish for fortune and fame. But to be truly, truly, truly loved is more than all of these things."
Into the woods in the middle of the night.
BUFFY: I can't believe we forgot our weapons.
SPIKE: Metal and wood can't pierce this demon's skin.
BUFFY: Then how to do get his heart out?
SPIKE: By hand. Watch out for the size shifting. He can't do it when someone's grabbing on to him.
BUFFY: So you jump on his back and I punch him.
SPIKE: I'm just glad the vampires are gone. The longer they stayed, the more super-demons the Hellmouth would have coughed up to balance them.
BUFFY: More John Teshis?
SPIKE: You know that's not its name.
BUFFY: But John Tesh IS a demon?
SPIKE: Part demon. But it's the part of him that's not evil.
BUFFY: Sounds like our demon's approaching.
SPIKE: He'll come after me. His kind hates vampires more than anything.
BUFFY: How do they feel about Slayers?
SPIKE: Not sure a Leshi's ever seen one.
BUFFY: So this will a first for both of us and – wow – he's big.
The ten-foot tall Leshi approaches. It is covered in white fur, and has two six-inch long white horns on top of its skull. It almost glows in the night, which makes it both very easy to see and extremely intimidating. Buffy tries to kick it in the chest with her right foot. The Leshi disappears. It becomes the size of an ant, scurries under Buffy's left foot, and sprouts back to full size, tossing Buffy into the air. She crashes through several branches and slams into a tree trunk.
BUFFY: Is this that thing you warned me about?
Spike goes bumpy. This provokes the Leshi. As defenders of either humans or demons, they are always enemies of vampires. It swats its left paw at Spike. He moves back out of the way. The Leshi lands a right uppercut which knocks Spike on his back.
BUFFY: How did you kill this thing?
SPIKE: Patience . . .
The Leshi tries to step on Spike with its right foot. Spike rolls out of the way and gets to his feet. The Leshi throws a right hook. Spike grabs its right wrist with both his hands and hurls the Leshi to the ground, but not without great difficulty.
SPIKE: . . . and by not trying to hit it. Too tall to hit in the face. Try for the body, and he disappears. You saw that.
The Leshi stands up and goes back after Spike. He retreats. Buffy gets behind the monster, leaps onto its shoulders, and snaps its neck. The Leshi falls forward and crashes into the earth. Instinctively, Buffy gets up and thinks her job is done.
SPIKE: That should buy us about five seconds.
The Leshi stands up and twists its head back around.
Buffy rushes the demon and punches it in the chest, trying for its heart. As she lands the punch, the Leshi grabs her round the neck with his left hand. Spike charges in to the rescue and gets picked up by the demon's right paw. The Leshi's planning to swallow both of them. Spike bites down on the demon's right index finger. It yelps and drops him. Buffy manages to yank off one of the Leshi's long, thick fingernails, and stabs it into the demon's left palm. This frees her. The Leshi gets down on all fours and charges Spike as if it were a large bear. Spike picks up a good-sized rock and throws it into the demon's face. When the blow causes the Leshi to hesitate, Spike leaps onto its back in an attempt to get at its heart. The demon stands up and backs into a tree. Spike realizes he's made a big blunder. Buffy kicks the demon in the left knee, then sweeps out its right leg. The demon falls to the ground and disappears. The collar of Spike's coat is caught on a tree branch. He dangles for a few seconds before the branch snaps and he falls onto a pile of twigs. Luckily, nothing pierces his skin.
The Leshi shrinks to the size of a squirrel and runs up a tree near Buffy. It perches itself on a branch 15 feet above her, then leaps to the ground. By the time it has grabbed Buffy from behind, the demon has returned to full size. Buffy is knocked face-first into the dirt. She rolls over and tries to keep the monster from mauling her. Spike runs at the Leshi from behind and grabs its left arm As he tries to pull it away from Buffy, the demon swings at Spike's face with his right paw. Spike ducks to avoid this blow and punches the demon in the chin with a left uppercut. The distraction enables Buffy to break free and get back to her feet. Spike grabs a log lying on the ground and swings it, tripping the Leshi up. He leaps on top of the prostrate demon and tries again for its heart. The Leshi grabs Spike with both hands and pushes him away. Spike flies back 20 feet through the air until his back hits a tree trunk and he is impaled on a branch. Spike looks down at his chest. The branch stuck him three inches below his heart.
SPIKE: I hate the bloody forest.
Spike tears the branch out of his flesh and falls to his feet. The Leshi knocks Buffy down with the back of its right paw. The demon growls at her. Spike approaches the Leshi from behind and hits it in the back of the skull with a rock.
SPIKE: Forget the girl. I'm the one you really want.
The Leshi turns around to face Spike. Spike growls. The demon sees the bumpy, big-toothed, yellow-eyed bloodsucking mongrel and moves towards Spike. The Leshi came to kill vampires, after all. It swipes at Spike's head with the right paw. Spike ducks, but is kicked to the ground by the demon's right foot. The demon bends down to attack Spike. Spike grabs its right paw with his left hand and its left paw with his right hand. While the Leshi is trying to overpower Spike (which of course it could do if given enough time), Buffy leaps onto its back, punches her right fist through the demon's chest and pulls out the heart. Spike pushes the momentarily dead demon off of him and get to his feet. Buffy tosses the heart to Spike. He looks at the unappetizing meal and takes a big bite. He appears nauseous as he takes a second bite and gulps to swallow the heart. The Leshi disappears, leaving behind a large carpet of white fur on the forest floor. Spike grimaces and grabs his stomach.
SPIKE: Worse than kidney pie. I think I'll need something to wash it down. You mind?
He leans in towards Buffy's neck. She moves back. Spike shifts to his human face.
SPIKE: Come on. Just a pint. You'd hardly notice.
BUFFY: That's not funny.
SPIKE: It's not serious, either. How bout you buy me a pint? Maybe drink one yourself. [a few seconds of quiet. Buffy looks confused and disgusted.] I'm not talking about blood.
BUFFY: Oh! Right. Of course.
Wesley and Kelly walk down the hall.
KELLY: Well then. This would appear to be my stop. It's been fun.
WES: It has. You're leaving tomorrow?
KELLY: In the morning. Or whenever it is I crawl out of bed. Best of luck with all your myriad existential dilemmas.
WES: Thanks for helping me forget about them for a while.
Kelly kisses Wes. He kisses her back and holds her head. She puts her left hand on his chest and runs her right hand through his hair. After ten seconds they both pull back, looking a little stunned by what has just transpired. There are a few seconds of silence.
WES: I should be –
KELLY: We both should be. [Wes puts his arms around her waist. Kelly puts hers around his shoulders and pulls him close.] As fun as this would be, something tells me we'd both regret it tomorrow.
Wesley worries sleeping with Kelly would hurt his chances with Fred. But Fred has been very friendly with Gunn tonight, and they both had left the bar together, so if they were hooking up and Wes spent the night alone, he'd feel like a chump.
WES: It's a shame you have to depart so soon.
KELLY: I'll give you a ring next time I'm in town.
Kelly kisses him again for a few seconds. Wesley is confused.
KELLY: Just wanted to get the taste of Angelus out of my mouth.
Wesley smiles. It's nice to be with a woman who would definitively prefer him to Angel if she had the choice. Even with a soul, Angel's not Kelly's type.
Kelly passionately kisses Wesley for twenty seconds before letting go, smiling and opening her door.
KELLY: End of the line. I have a policy of not sleeping with men when I'm drunk who I would sleep with when I'm sober. Cheapens the whole experience.
Kelly goes inside and shuts the door. Wesley stands in the hallway for a little while, regaining his composure and recovering from that last kiss. He goes into Lindsey's suite. Gunn is sleeping on a couch in the living room. Fred has the bed in the bedroom. Wes crashes on another couch in the living room.
Spike and Buffy share a pitcher. Spike drinks most of it, but Buffy has a couple glasses. After all she's been through, she needs it.
SPIKE: So why did you go to college in the first place?
BUFFY: You know, to be with my friends.
SPIKE: Willow went, Xander didn't. You break even either way. Plus that doesn't explain why you tried to re-enroll. What was the attraction? After everything that happened, why would college still matter to you?
BUFFY: Guess it makes me feel like I have a future. Something to shoot for besides surviving the next apocalypse.
SPIKE: You didn't want to lose the thing with feathers.
BUFFY: That does it. I'm cutting you off.
Buffy pulls Spike's glass away from him. He pulls it back.
SPIKE: You didn't want to lose hope. Hope is the thing with feathers. It's a line from a poem.
BUFFY: It's lame. One of yours?
Spike laughs.
SPIKE: Emily Dickinson.
BUFFY: Really? Cause I've heard of her. I'm pretty sure she's really famous and really good. Once dated a guy who was a big fan of hers.
SPIKE: And which boyfriend would this be?
BUFFY: Owen. We went out on one date. The night the Anointed One rose.
SPIKE: Looking back, I pity the Annoying One. He had to spend all his time with that boring old fart. Fate worse than death.
BUFFY: You knew the Master?
SPIKE: We met once. There was a generation gap. And a clash of philosophies. He was too stupid to have one.
BUFFY: So Owen followed me to the morgue. We were attacked by a vampire. He was knocked out, nearly killed. Told me the next day he loved it. Wanted to feel alive, start fights in bars. He was 17? Why would he go into a bar in the first place?
SPIKE: Sounds like a Hemingway fan. I always hated Ernie. Big-talking nancy boy hit like a girl and never could hold his liquor. Scotty was the twice the man Hemi ever was. For that matter, so was Zelda.
BUFFY: Who are you talking about?
SPIKE: Sorry. Name-dropping old friends and literary giants. Should've known better. And I guess I was wrong. You don't have a thing for vampires. The men in this bloody town are just losers. You really didn't have a choice.
BUFFY: It's not me, it's them? That's sweet – in a self-serving way. [Buffy looks at her watch. It's 1:00 am, but it feels much later.] What a . . . strange night. Thanks for being there, for watching my back, for everything. You're the only one who hasn't let me down. That means a lot to me.
Connor wakes up. He looks to his left and sees Dawn sleeping. Connor smiles and runs his left hand through her hair. He kisses Dawn softly on her right eyelid. She opens her eyes.
DAWN: Morning already?
Connor kisses her right shoulder.
CONNOR: I could let you sleep a little more if you want.
Dawn and Connor roll on their sides to face each other.
DAWN: No. Too excited to sleep. How bout you? How do you feel?
CONNOR: Different. This was different than the other times. [Dawn looks worried] It was better.
DAWN: It was? You're not just saying that cause that's what you're supposed to say?
CONNOR: This time, it meant something. It felt like we weren't two separate people, like we became one. I've never felt that before. It was new. Like the two of us, like we –
DAWN: Made love?
CONNOR: Yeah.
Connor rolls on top of Dawn and kisses her. She wraps her legs around him. He kisses her neck. Dawn closes her eyes for a few seconds. When she opens them, her eyes get very big. She sees three vampires standing on the opposite side of the room.
DAWN: Connor!!!
She pushes Connor off of her. He sees the intruders. He's also extremely shocked. It doesn't make sense. They weren't invited in.
MIKE: Please, don't mind us. Finish what you were doing. I'll be happy to watch.
JANICE: I always thought I was the wild one. Now I know why you no longer sleep over at MY house.
DAWN: Janice!!? [Dawn looks pained and horrified]
JANICE: Guess daddy's not the only one in the family who likes em young.
CONNOR: Angelus made you?
PETER: Just like he made you. Except you were an accident. He CHOSE to make me.
As someone who was an evil human, Peter is very grateful to his sire for giving him this unimaginable power. He wants to prove he's Angelus's REAL son.
Connor puts on his jeans and stands to the left of the bed, next to Dawn, who's filled with both grief and fear.
PETER: If I had known you were this easy, I really woulda asked you to Winter Formals.
Peter and Mike gaze lecherously at Dawn. Connor narrows his eyes. He's ready to kill. Now if only he knew where the nearest stake was.
JANICE: Angel thought it was a shame we had lost touch.
Connor sees that the nearest stake is across the room on top of the dresser and behind the vampires. To get it would mean abandoning Dawn, which Connor does not want to do.
PETER: Mikey, how bout we take turns with her?
They both look at Dawn and grin. Peter's the leader, while Mike's the obedient sidekick. Janice walks up to Peter and caresses his left cheek with her right hand. He looks at her and growls excitedly. She pouts.
JANICE: And what about me?
PETER: You can drink her when we're through. Sire her if she's been a good sport.
MIKE: Told you the gang needed another girl. [Janice won't give Mike any play. He's getting frustrated.]
Peter is trying to bait Connor into attacking him and leaving Dawn unprotected. For once, Connor's not rash enough to fall for it. So Peter goes with Plan B. He attacks Connor to keep him occupied while Mike goes after naked Dawn, who's only covered by a bedsheet. She fears if she gets out of bed to put her clothes on it will only make her more vulnerable. Peter rushes Connor, whom he envies partly because of Dawn but mostly because Connor is Angel's true son. Connor lands a right jab and a left cross. Peter grabs Connor's arms and tosses him to the other side of the room, separating Connor from Dawn. Connor tries to run back to her, but Peter hits Connor with a right uppercut. Connor connects with a right cross and a right kick. Peter grabs Connor and pushes him into the side wall. Connor shoves Peter away and knocks him back with a right roundhouse.
Once Connor is out of the way, Mike jumps on top of Dawn. She pulls the sheets up tight and sits up against the headboard.
MIKE: And to think I wasted all that time on Cassie.
Dawn punches Mike in the face with a right cross. He pins both her arms down.
MIKE: Bet it's more fun when you wiggle.
Connor and Peter are fighting between the dresser and the bed. Connor grabs his stake in his right hand. Peter hits him with a right hook. Connor jumps up and lands a flying right kick, knocking Peter on his back near where Janice is standing.
JANICE: Need any help?
Dawn pulls her knees into her chest and kicks Mike away from her. He sails off the bed and towards Connor, who stakes him.
PETER: Nope. But he might. [Peter says this as Mike turns to dust]
JANICE: It's better without him.
PETER: I know.
Peter resumes the fight. He leaps at Connor and tackles him to the ground. Connor drops his stake. Janice jumps up and stands on top of the mattress, looking down at Dawn, who is deeply upset to see what's become of her old friend.
DAWN: Janice. I'm sorry.
JANICE: I'm not.
DAWN: You should be.
Dawn yanks the sheets towards her, pulling the rug out from under Janice. She falls on the mattress and rolls to the floor. Then she leaps at Dawn and looks at her face-to-face.
JANICE: What should I be sorry about?
DAWN: That you're about to die.
JANICE: Tough words from a girl in your position.
DAWN: What are ya gonna do? Bite me?
Janice leans her head forward to bite the left side of Dawn's neck. Dawn grabs Janice's hair and slams her forehead into the headboard, which happens to be made of wood. Dawn grabs one of the slivers in her right hand and stabs Janice's back. She pushes Janice's body to the floor, where it disintegrates.
While they grapple on the ground, Peter gets on top of Connor and punches him in the face. Connor tosses Peter off of him and they both get to their feet. Connor kicks Peter in the face. He blocks a right cross and connects with two right jabs and a left hook. Peter tries a left hook. Connor grabs his left arm and tosses Peter into the side wall. He picks up his stake, hits Peter in the chest with a left roundhouse kick, and stakes him. Connor turns and looks at Dawn. She appears to be okay. She runs over to Connor, still wrapped in the sheet. He hugs her.
CONNOR: Did they hurt you?
DAWN: No.
CONNOR: Always said you could handle yourself. Even during something crazy like this. [Connor kisses the top of her head] It's okay.
DAWN: Can't believe he did that to Janice.
CONNOR: Were you two friends?
DAWN: We used to be best friends.
CONNOR: He wanted to hurt you. Make you feel bad. Don't let him win. Don't let him ruin this.
DAWN: Don't worry. I've been through a lot worse.
She looks up and kisses Connor.
CONNOR: You're too tough for him. He can only hurt the weak.
DAWN: He's not your father. He's not Angel. You know that, right?
CONNOR: My father's not a coward. Angelus is.
Dawn starts to get dressed.
CONNOR: I just can't figure out how they got in.
DAWN: You're squatting. Are you sure they have to be invited in by you?
CONNOR: My first night, I captured a vampire and brought it here for the Potentials to practice on. I had to tell it that it could enter.
DAWN: Wait. Angelus could have brought them in. Stashed them in the basement. Then this would be like their home.
CONNOR: How could he get in?
DAWN: You don't know?
CONNOR: Know what?
DAWN: Angel used to live here. [Connor looks shocked] Buffy told me last night during dinner.
CONNOR: Why does he always do this to me?
He's reversing the chronology in a way which perplexes Dawn. In his mind, Angel's the copycat. Teenager like to think the world revolves around them.
CONNOR: Did he sleep with Buffy here? PLEASE tell me they didn't!
DAWN: They didn't. Not here. I'm sure of that. [Connor breathes a huge sigh of relief]
CONNOR: Jasmine in the courtyard. I should have known. Did he put that ugly demon statue downstairs?
DAWN: Yes. It's a long story we don't need to go into right now. Or ever. Let's just call it a bad interior decorating decision.
CONNOR: It was. But it looks funny outside. Like it's standing guard. Doesn't it?
DAWN: Depending on your point of view, yes, it's humorous. [Spike finds it humorous. Buffy finds nothing about Acathla humorous.]
CONNOR: You probably should head home, get ready for school. I'll check the basement, make sure there aren't any more surprises, then come over to see you.
Dawn walks with Connor to the front door, gives him a long kiss goodbye, then leaves. Connor goes down to the basement and finds nothing. He takes a shower, after which he heads over to Buffy's house.
Dawn walks through the front door. She's humming.
DAWN: The birds are singing. I know, they sing every morning. But don't they sound really good today?
BUFFY: Dawn. You didn't. Please tell me you didn't.
DAWN: We did.
Dawn walks upstairs. Buffy stands in the hallway. For more than a minute, she doesn't move a muscle. In the back of her mind, she knew this probably would happen. But she wasn't prepared for when this hypothetical became a reality. Willow walks downstairs.
WILLOW: Just saw Dawn going into the bathroom. I think she was singing. Buffy? Buffy? Are you there? Is something wrong? Buffy?
Buffy walks out the front door. Willow goes into the kitchen and makes coffee. She hears something that sounds like a muted siren outside. She opens up the back door and sees Buffy inside Xander's car, screaming at the top of her lungs. Buffy does this for close to thirty seconds, until her face is red and the veins on her neck and forehead are bulging. It seemed to her like the only socially acceptable way to vent. Buffy walks back in through the rear door. Willow puts together Dawn's happiness and Buffy's rage.
WILLOW: Okay. I think shock is an appropriate response. Did she really do what I think she really did? [Willow knows the answer from the look on Buffy's face. Willow sits down.] Oh boy. Oh boy. Let's both take some deep breaths and try to calmly work through this.
Willow notices that throughout all of this Andrew has been standing over the stove, frying flapjacks on a skillet, oblivious to what was happening around him. They're using too many pronouns for Andrew to realize what is afoot. Someone knocks twice at the front door. Willow and Buffy are confused. They walk to the door. Through the peep hole Willow can see Connor, standing there and smiling.
WILLOW: Connor doesn't knock. He never knocks.
NEXT: Connor has breakfast with Buffy, Willow, Kennedy, and of course Dawn. As Buffy tries to control her emotions, Willow and Kennedy notice that Connor's personality has undergone a deeply ironic transformation.