Dru disses Cordy. Cordy disses the First Evil. Gwen tells Angelus about Spike. And Connor talks with Xander about Cordelia and Anya.
DRU: Your baby's come back to make it awl bettah.
She takes out the sponge and hangs up her coat. Angelus stands up. Dru puts her right hand on his chest and gently nudges him back onto the bed.
DRU: Rest up. You'll need your strength. [they both smirk. She turns on the faucet and puts a few drops of water into the sponge to compensate for evaporated plasma.] This should perk you right up.
Angelus opens his mouth. She wrings out the sponge over top of it. He drinks eagerly.
DRU: Fresh Slayer blood.
ANGELUS: No! You mean - ?
DRU: Potential Slayer blood. From one of the would-be's. Just as powerful as the real thing. Believe me. I tasted plenty today. In Sunnydale.
ANGELUS: I like where is going. But what's a Potential Slayer?
DRU: Just wot it says, silly. One of the could-be chosen ones. The librarian sailed the seven seas and pulled them all into his net so I could have a feast. He awlways did fancy me. [giggles]
ANGELUS: Didn't know it worked like that. Why would he take them to Sunnydale?
DRU: Blind men with black hearts try to kill them. Only Buffy can protect the girls. I sired three in her own house.
ANGELUS: You're kidding.
DRU: When have I eva fibbed to you? Everyone invites you in when you're a sister.
ANGELUS: That old trick. Did you say sired?
DRU: Wonderful girls. Killed three more would-be's themselves. Drank one score more people before their protector had to foit them.
Angelus's eyes roll into the back of his head. Imagining Buffy's pain really gets his motor running. He realizes how much he's missed having another brilliant killer to work with. Angelus pulls Dru on top of him. She purrs and straddles him.
DRU: It gets bettah.
ANGELUS: Do go on.
She begins unbuttoning his shirt.
DRU: I tasted sweeter blood. Your son's.
ANGELUS: You killed him?
DRU: My own brother? Neva. My dream is to make him one of us. But he is such a stubborn boy. Barely got my whistle wet. [grins]
ANGELUS: How wet?
Dru leans forward over top of Angelus, reaches for the night stand and puts two of his glasses of blood next to one another.
ANGELUS: Not bad.
DRU: He knows big sis is too strong for him. Against you and me, it will only be a matter of toim.
Angelus puts his head back, looks up at the ceiling and smiles. He now knows why he's been off his game – no inspiration.
DRU: Boi the way, I also killed the son of a Slayer. Nikki Wood's boy Robin.
ANGELUS: Buffy's boss! Beautiful. Oh. I've missed you, Dru.
DRU: Oi've missed you longer. I wusn't made to walk this world alone.
Angelus grabs her and rolls on top. Dru gets excited. He sees the wound on her chest.
ANGELUS: Did Buffy do this?
DRU: Spoike was a very naughty boy. Blames me for his own failures. It hurts me to see him so lost and confused.
Angelus worries she's fixating on making Spike bad again.
DRU: William is dead to me now.
Angelus smiles and puts his right hand up her skirt. Dru gets even happier. She purrs. Angelus growls at her. She moans.
DRU: It's toim we made ourselves a new family.
Dawn wakes up. Along with Connor, she's wrapped in a blanket on the floor in front of the fire, which is now out. She takes her head off the pillow they were sharing, rolls on top of Connor, and kisses him on the lips. He opens his eyes, puts his arms around her and smiles.
CONNOR: What happened to the bed?
DAWN: I think the fire drew us back out here.
CONNOR: I do remember how good you looked in the glowing light. I love it when you glow.
DAWN: Very funny.
CONNOR: I don't mean the Key thing. I mean the you're beautiful thing. I mean you look glowing, radiant, luminous.
Connor kisses her and pulls her close.
DAWN: Connor, I have to go. You know I hate to, but –
CONNOR: Right. School. Home. The usual.
Dawn gets up and gets dressed.
DAWN: It is almost becoming routine. Not what we do. That's so incredibly not routine. But the leaving part.
CONNOR: And the me stopping by part.
DAWN: Maybe today Buffy won't burst a blood vessel.
CONNOR: Maybe she'll finally be happy that you're happy. Not that I don't understand where she's coming from.
DAWN: I'm sure that in time she'll see what you mean to me.
It's early in the morning at the Hyperion. The vampires are all asleep, except for Angelus and Drusilla. They didn't sleep a wink. Angelus decides it's time for Dru to meet Cordelia. They take the tunnels to her building and the elevator up to her penthouse apartment. Cordy sees Angelus on the hallway camera, though Dru conceals herself out of view. An Eloi steward opens the door and Angelus and Dru enter. Dru is wearing a red silk gown. Angelus has on black slacks, a red silk button-down shirt and a black velvet jacket. He looks very happy. Cordelia reclines on her bed. When she sees Drusilla she does not appear amused.
ANGELUS: Why the long face, Cordy?
CORDY: So you brought in your loony English whore to do your dirty work?
Cordy and Dru glare at each other.
ANGELUS: I thought you were a team player. Dru helps me. Anything that helps me helps you.
Cordelia gets out of bed and walks over to Dru and Angelus. She is wearing a white gown.
CORDY: What's she going to help me with? Bad fashion statements? First of all, the goth look for a vampire is SO completely redundant. It's a joke. She's a joke. And second, I have to trust the people who work for me. I don't trust ANYTHING that's skanky enough to sleep with Spike. [she's trying to compare Dru to Buffy]
DRU: She reminds me so much of Spike's old girl. The blonde. Harm.
CORDY: Harmony!! Compare me to her again and I'll be sweeping you off my polished marble floor.
ANGELUS: Spike dated Harmony? Poor bastard. Yet another reason to pity him.
Cordelia walks right up to Drusilla and the two women stare each other down. Angelus loves it.
ANGELUS: Settle down, ladies. No need to fight over me.
He grabs Dru around the waist from behind and slowly pulls her back. Dru keeps staring at Cordy, trying to make her jealous, which of course is Angelus's intention.
CORDY: I don't need to fight over what I own.
She holds up Angelus's soul. Dru turns her head way and cries out in pain. Cordy smiles and puts it away. Angelus walks over to Cordy.
ANGELUS: Why didn't you tell me about the Potentials?
CORDY: I wanted you to focus on killing the ACTUAL Slayers. How did you find out about the Potentials?
ANGELUS: Dru killed a bunch. In Buffy's home. If I knew, I could have killed them all. Already had an invite. The Potentials, her friends, Giles, Dawny. Every last one. Then Buffy wouldn't even be able to go on living.
CORDY: You could have killed her stupid friends even if you didn't know about the Potentials. And how did Dru know? Are you slumming for the First? Did you work for those hacks? If I'm Saks Fifth Avenue, the First is K-Mart. They're the K-Mart of evil! No one with any self-respect would associate themselves with those losers.
ANGELUS: Are you jealous of the First Evil?
CORDY: Jealous?? Ha!! They're pathetic. All they want to do is kill a couple defenseless girls, and they can't even do that with like a thousand minions. How fast do you think my Beast could have finished that job? First isn't best. It's usually worst. All the later evils learned from their mistakes. They're the marching band and I'm head cheerleader. So I don't associate with people who hang around with those dweebs.
Drusilla growls at Cordy, who isn't intimidated in the least. The two women continue to jockey for the position of alpha female.
ANGELUS: The question I have to ask myself is "What have you done for me lately?" Or better yet, what will you do for me tonight?
CORDY: Would you like to know where Lindsey and Faith are staying?
ANGELUS: Don't need you to tell me that. Don't need you for anything anymore.
CORDY: Listen up, mister. You turn your back on me and walk out that door, and I'll –
ANGELUS: Give me my soul back? No you won't. Because then you'll have no one.
CORDY: You're going to regret calling my bluff. Don't throw away all our work for a roll in the hay with Spike's used-up old ho.
Angelus reaches his right arm out and holds back Dru.
ANGELUS: Not now, baby.
Dru pouts and whimpers.
ANGELUS: Cordy, we both know how it's always been. Without me, you're nothing.
Angelus and Dru leave and get in the elevator. It stops on the ninth floor. A young mother and her six year-old son get in. The door closes. Angelus and Dru look at each other and grin.
Connor walks into Buffy's kitchen.
CONNOR: Morning.
GILES: Good morning.
Giles looks at Connor and is startled. Andrew, who stands near the stove, trains his camera on Connor.
GILES: Your bruise is gone. As is your bite mark.
CONNOR: Good as new.
Buffy takes a look. She is also shocked, especially over the fact the bite mark didn't even leave a scar.
ANYA: Wow! You heal faster than Buffy. Or Spike. No wonder Dawn's so chipper this morning.
Buffy scowls. Connor walks over to Dawn, who's sitting down eating breakfast.
CONNOR: Hello lover. [Buffy gets chills up her spine. Dawn just smiles.]
DAWN: Hey.
Dawn tilts her head up. Connor leans down and gives her a quick kiss on the lips. Andrew films as they gaze into each other's eyes for a couple seconds. Connor goes into the basement.
BUFFY: Dawn, we need to talk. It's great that you've made Connor less of a raging homicidal maniac.
KENNEDY: Plus he's no longer obnoxious or disrespectful. Since, he never tried to kill me, I only noticed the rudeness.
BUFFY: But don't you think you two are taking things WAY too fast?
DAWN: He's the one for me. We're meant to be together.
BUFFY: Dawn, for God's sake! You are 16.
WILLOW: Going on 17.
DAWN: You think that I'm naive.
ANYA: Are we starting another musical? One with nuns and leiter hosen and Giles singing "Climb Every Mountain?"
GILES: Never performed that one. But I do a great "You'll Never Walk Alone."
Connor walks into the basement. Spike is sitting on his bed listening to Iggy and the Stooges' "Search and Destroy:" "I am the world's forgotten boy, the one who searches and destroys." Spike couldn't sleep at all he previous night because he felt guilty about what Dru did and about his failure to kill her. Connor tosses three cds his way.
SPIKE: You're all better. You know that if you keep up this kamikaze nonsense one day you'll break and they won't be able to put you back together again.
CONNOR: The Clash care about the world, about people. The Sex Pistols don't. That what you meant about the difference a soul makes?
SPIKE: More or less. Did you like them?
CONNOR: I liked the other one better.
Spike looks at the three disks Connor tossed his way.
SPIKE: I didn't give you the Ramones. You nicked it. That seems to be your style. By the way, you can keep the pants.
CONNOR: Thanks. Dawn says she likes them.
For the first time, Spike finds something about the Dawn-Connor relationship cringe-worthy.
CONNOR: Can I also keep the red shirt I took. You had like seven of them.
Spike smiles.
SPIKE: Of course. Just be sure to wear it around Angel.
Spike knows how much this would freak Angel out.
CONNOR: Thanks.
SPIKE: You really should cut back on the petty larceny.
CONNOR: I only steal from vampires. How did you get that stuff in the first place?
SPIKE: Point taken. But you like the Ramones?
CONNOR: Yeah. They're fun. But the stuff you have isn't my thing.
SPIKE: What is?
CONNOR: Rap. The stuff Carlos has. Ruff Ryders, Wu-Tang, Timbaland, Nas.
SPIKE: Rap. You mean marketing set to fake drums?
CONNOR: So you're a hater?
SPIKE: Piffle. Music's just not what it used to be. Trust me. I was there at the start. Tracked the Slayer –
CONNOR: Robin's mom?
SPIKE: Right. First tracked her down at a block party in the Bronx. Wasn't there for the tunes, but it seemed like a good scene. Course I was nervous. Felt real out of place.
CONNOR: Because you were the only vampire?
SPIKE: Cause I was the only white guy. You're awful naive for a guy who's lived in this world almost a year.
"Search and Destroy" ends. "Gimme Danger" begins: "Gimme Danger little stranger, and I'll feel your disease. There's nothing in my dreams, just some ugly memories."
CONNOR: Any tips on fighting Angelus?
SPIKE: Considering how you fared against Dru, my advice would be not to go at him alone. But I know that's not your style. You want to kill him? Be honest.
CONNOR: He told me to. Before he changed.
SPIKE: That's just his martyr complex talking. You didn't answer my question.
CONNOR: Not anymore. Unless he killed Dawn.
SPIKE: Not gonna happen. He values his life too much to go after Buffy's family, since that would make her want to kill him. So you used to want him dead?
CONNOR: Sometimes I thought it was the only way I could break free. He was always in the way. Always making my life suck. He can't do that to me anymore. My life's my own.
SPIKE: This is what I meant when I said you were bloody typical. Son trying get out from under daddy's long shadow. Deep down, you really are like everybody else. Once you get past the comic book surface. Course if you fight like you normally do, Angelus is gonna give your surface some nasty bruises.
CONNOR: That's why I'm asking. You know him pretty well.
SPIKE: Knew him. But I doubt he's learned any new tricks. Angelus is something of a traditionalist. Sticks with what's always worked for him. He's stronger than you. Don't let him grab you. Don't trade punches. Keep your distance, use your quickness, move around a lot. He's a streaky fighter. Gets on a roll and he'll beat you into the ground. But if you stop him from gaining control, take away his momentum, he loses heart and you can win. But that's a big if, so be careful. Angelus is rational. That's his weakness. He can't anticipate his opponents doing anything irrational. That is how you beat him. Think of an insanely crazy way to hurt him. It'll strip him of his confidence. And without that, he loses the will to fight. Angelus takes the path of least resistance. He won't get himself hurt if he doesn't think it's worth it. Angelus doesn't go for Pyhrric victories.
CONNOR: So I should do something insane.
SPIKE: You have a knack for that. But something that would hurt him, not just hurt you. Don't try to play hero. Cuz he sure won't.
Connor goes upstairs and leaves with Dawn for school. Spike comes up a few minutes later.
ANDREW: I prepared your blood just the way you requested. Two parts pig, one part lamb. Fresh out of the microwave. Bon apetite. Or, whatever it is vampires say. [Spike tries it]
SPIKE: Did you add something?
ANDREW: That's nutmeg. Do you like it?
SPIKE: Not bad. Hey Ken. You feeling any better?
KENNEDY: I'm okay. Doctors said the stitches can come out in three days. You spent a century with that loony tune?
SPIKE: She had a certain sinister charm.
KENNEDY: Willow said you were in tears after Dru left you. How could stand being around her, let alone love her? What did you possibly see in her?
ANYA: Maybe she was really great in the sack. I'm just saying, you got that going for you, you overlook certain personality flaws.
SPIKE: Willow - you told her about our little conversation!? How many other people have you blabbed to?
WILLOW: No one. I didn't tell anyone else you cried on my shoulder. [Xander laughs. Spike seethes.]
SPIKE: You betrayed my confidence.
WILLOW: There's a vampire-victim confidentiality clause?
SPIKE: I didn't go around telling your friends about the time you needed to be assured that you were still biteable.
XANDER: You needed what?
WILLOW: He's, he's, just making that up to get back at me. The point wasn't to embarrass you. Kennedy was justifiably curious about the vicious monster that tortured her.
KENNEDY: The vicious, incoherent monster who used to be the love of your life.
XANDER: I hate to be saying this, but lay off Spike. He wasn't the one responsible for driving her insane. He wasn't the one who made her evil.
As much as Xander dislikes Spike, he can't pass up an opportunity to bash Angel.
Gwen walks into the command center at the hotel. She sees Lindsey, Faith, Lorne, Wes, Gunn and Fred.
GWEN: I've been out of town on business. Did I miss anything?
Everyone's quiet for a few seconds. They don't know where to begin.
WES: Drusilla is in town. She arrived late last night.
GWEN: Drusilla the vampire?
GUNN: How the hell do you know her?
GWEN: I've heard her name mentioned once or twice. She knows Angelus?
WES: He sired her.
GWEN: Really. That's interesting. So she's, uh, back in the nest.
Spike mentioned to Gwen that he had recently been dumped by Drusilla. Now she suspects there was some sort of love triangle involving Angelus. Gwen finds this especially delicious because she's also had Angelus and Spike.
FAITH: So what exactly should I be expecting?
WES: With Dru, expect the unexpected.
GWEN: So she and Angelus are gonna be looking for, I don't know, a rumble?
FRED: Angelus doesn't forgive and forget. We hurt him. He'll want revenge.
GUNN: You really think they'll seek us out? That doesn't seem to be his style.
LINDSEY: Dru has a way of making her presence known.
GWEN: I'm in. Be nice to see Faith kick someone else's butt. By the way, if you guys are feeling cooped up, need a change of scenery, you're welcome at my place.
GUNN: Ain't got no problem with that.
WES: It would be nice to get into a place that is protected from vampires.
LINDSEY: We're protected here.
WES: It's a hotel. A public accommodation.
LINDSEY: Technically, this is an apartment. I signed for a one-month lease. Put the "rent" in escrow. Pay out one-thirtieth of it to the hotel every day. It's just a legal trick, but it's enough to keep the vamps out. Still, I wouldn't mind getting out of here for a bit. You make as much as I heard you did, your pad should be pretty nice.
Later on in the morning, Connor walks over to Xander's construction site. He picks up a steel rod and twirls it in his right hand. He walks up to Xander and pokes him hard in the stomach with the rod.
XANDER: Oww! That hurt.
CONNOR: I know something that would hurt worse. Can we talk?
XANDER: [nervously] Sure. We're on lunch break. I can do that. Step into my office.
Connor puts down the steel reinforcing rod and walks into a trailer. Xander sits down behind a desk. He hasn't figured out the significance of the steel rod.
XANDER: What is it you want to talk about?
CONNOR: You were Cordy's boyfriend.
XANDER: Yes. Once upon a time. Is this because you had a thing for her?
CONNOR: I wasn't the only one.
XANDER: Is that so?
CONNOR: My father was always coming between us.
A huge smile comes across Xander's face. He never dreamed this day would come. Finally, Angel could be jealous of him.
XANDER: Angel liked Cordy. I wasn't aware of that.
CONNOR: I think he loved her. He said he loved her. [Xander's eyes bug out] He was really mad when he saw me sleeping with her.
XANDER: He watched!? That's disgusting. But it must have been gratifying, making him so jealous of you. I bet it kills him that you got to her first.
He's projecting. Xander never slept with her, but that doesn't mean he can't take pleasure in Angel's jealousy. Xander is still oblivious as to where Connor's going. If Cordy is so sought after in Connor's world, what must he think of a man like Xander who discarded her?
CONNOR: No. Cause once she knew he knew, Cordy wanted nothing to do with me. Kind of ruined everything. So you dated her. When Angel lived here?
XANDER: Yes. Did he ever say he was jealous of me, or hint that she was the one he loved all along? [Xander's pressing his luck, but he can't resist]
CONNOR: He never mentioned you. He never mentioned anything about you. Neither did Cordy. Now I know why. Something to do with the scars on her belly and her back. [Xander begins to get worry] You impaled her.
XANDER: I-I-I did no such thing. Spike had kidnapped me. It's his fault she fell.
CONNOR: He wasn't the one kissing Willow.
XANDER: Well I should hope not. How do you know all this?
CONNOR: Dawn told me some. Anya the rest. It is why she came. And then fell in love with you. Isn't there a word for things like that?
XANDER: Ironic?
CONNOR: That's a funny word. Never heard it before. [Holtz and Angel weren't big on irony]
XANDER: That in itself would be ironic considering, considering your own – is this why you came here? To defend Cordy?
CONNOR: If she was still mad at you she would have killed you months ago.
XANDER: He-heh. Cute how you said that like you were serious.
CONNOR: I am.
XANDER: Right. Because now she's an evil mass murderer. Which I can't be held responsible for, even if I am a [gulp], retroactive demon magnet.
CONNOR: I just wanna know why. Why did you betray her? You didn't even deserve someone as beautiful as Cordy. You were the luckiest guy in the world, and you blew it. Why? Did you WANT to hurt her?
Xander had never thought of Cordy is such exalted terms.
XANDER: I developed these very strong feelings for Willow, because our relationship extended back to before Cordy would even give me the time of day, so we couldn't help ourselves. It was chemical or something. Why am I defending myself to someone I don't even know, someone who wasn't even alive back then?
CONNOR: Maybe you feel guilty. You should. If you don't, you're a sick man. But it's wasn't just Willow. She's very pretty. I can understand why you wanted her. But Buffy? You had Cordy, you could have had Willow, but all that time what you really wanted was Buffy! That's what I don't get.
XANDER: You seem to have a blind spot when it comes to Buffy. Your father would understand. [Connor cringes]
CONNOR: Was it the power? Cause it can't be her looks. Or personality. Sure, she's not ugly. But compared to all the other women you know – it has to be the power. Men are always drawn to power.
XANDER: We are?
CONNOR: Bet if Cordy could glow back then you would have stayed with her.
XANDER: How bright are we talking? 500 watt? 1000?
CONNOR: Like a star that came down from the heavens. Filling you and everything around you with blinding white light. Would you have cheated on Cordy of then?
XANDER: That bright? No comment. So the glowing was why you fell for her?
CONNOR: It helped she was the prettiest woman I had ever seen. Until I met Dawn.
XANDER: You should know that if you ever hurt Dawn I will make sure you're impaled. Course you'd probably be all healed up the next day, and it wouldn't even leave a scar, but you get my point.
CONNOR: You have feelings for her.
XANDER: Oh no. No. I don't. I never have. Not like that. She's sixteen, and she's Buffy's sister. Why would you even think that?
CONNOR: You care for her.
XANDER: Oh. That's what you meant. Yes, I do. And I'm not the only one. Do you know what a Vengeance Demon is?
CONNOR: You mean those demons that can't hurt you? That's the funniest part. You never suffer. You hurt women and you get away with it. Maybe if you were punished you'd learn your lesson.
XANDER: Are you threatening me?
CONNOR: Are you scared?
Connor, who is standing up, looks down at Xander, who is sitting behind his desk.
XANDER: No comment.
CONNOR: I just wanted to tell you how lucky you are. You're easily the luckiest guy I've ever met. Beautiful women, women you don't deserve, are drawn to you. Maybe it's the Hellmouth. I don't know. Dawn told me about Anya. This really hot, really smart, really funny woman wants to spend her life with you, and you turn her down. Didn't you realize you were never going to do any better? Stop hurting pretty women just because they make the mistake of caring about you. Luck runs out.
XANDER: You came here to give me advice?
CONNOR: No. I came to stop you from hurting any more women. [laughs] Protecting damsels in distress. Something else I got from my father.
XANDER: You might know that I never exactly got along with Angel. Then again, neither have you. I guess my point is, I hate my parents. Okay, maybe that's the wrong word. I'm ashamed of them. I don't know how you feel about yours, but one thing I've learned is that parents aren't your destiny. They're cautionary tales. Something to rise above. You look at their lives, their mistakes, and say "I'm not going to be like that." Just remember that.
CONNOR: Thanks. No one's ever said that to me before. I knew there was a reason Dawn respected you.
XANDER: Was that a compliment? Cause with you it's hard to tell.
CONNOR: Glad we had this talk.
Connor leaves. Xander stands up. He's confused.
XANDER: Did we just bond? Nah.
After everyone was comfy at her place, Gwen went over to see Angelus and Drusilla. This was going to be very fun for her. She walked through the back door and stood there on top of the stairs surrounding the lobby.
GWEN: Hey baby. I'm back. I know you can hear me, and I know you want to see me.
DRU: Are you expecting someone, darling?
ANGELUS: Don't you like surprises?
DRU: Oooooh. I luv it when you improvoise.
They walk down the stairs at the opposite end of the lobby. When he gets to the landing, Angelus sees Gwen. She's smiling, with her hands behind her back, looking either innocent or mischievous, depending on your disposition.
ANGELUS: Gweny! You couldn't stay away.
GWEN: So this is the woman who left Spike. How'd that work out for you, Dru?
Angelus and Drusilla are both shocked. Especially Angelus. They walk over to her and stand on Gwen's side of the circular couch, about 15 feet from her.
ANGELUS: You've done your homework. Who brought you up to speed?
GWEN: I know more about Spike than any of your old friends. Remember when I said that you weren't the first vampire I'd slept with?
Angelus's jaw drops. He tries to maintain his trademark confidence.
ANGELUS: No wonder you swore off our kind until I came along. Talk about a disappointing first impression.
GWEN: I'm sure you haven't forgotten the part about how the first vampire I'd slept with was better than you.
Angelus laughs.
GWEN: I had no idea you two knew each other. Didn't think his name would mean anything to you. Boy was I wrong. About that. Not about the part where Spike's the better lover.
DRU: I don't trust electricity.
GWEN: Not bad, honey. So do all the girl vamps have this sixth sense thing, or are you special? I mean that in the good way. Or maybe I also mean it in the bad way.
ANGELUS: This is cute. Trying to beat me at my own game. You think I'm that gullible?
GWEN: You think I'm lying?
DRU: Electricity loies.
GWEN: How very evasive of you, seer woman. Funny how you couldn't tell your man I'M lying. Don't you find that funny, Angel?
ANGELUS: Spike doesn't come to LA. Unless there's expensive stuff to steal in Sunnydale, I don't see how you could even meet him. What little tale did you come up with? Let's see how good this practical joke is.
GWEN: He did come to LA. Fall 99. Looking for some gem on a ring. Never mentioned you, so maybe you weren't here them. I dunno. Any of this sound remotely familiar? Any holes you want to poke in my story?
Angelus is stunned into silence for a few seconds.
GWEN: Whatever it did, whatever it was worth to him, he had given up looking. Spike was a little bummed about that. He was really bummed about you, missy. Took me a good two hours to make him completely forget about you. I have a way with dead guys. Your boyfriend can tell you about my gifts. Don't worry, Angel. I can give you an itemized list of all the thing Spike does better. Maybe you could a thing or two from him. [Gwen smirks]
ANGELUS: What? I didn't do enough cuddling afterwards?
GWEN: I'm not talking about after. I'm talking about during. You think I'm the only one who feels this way? Ask Buffy. Don't know her. Never met her. But I wonder if you have the guts to find out where she comes down on this matter. Wouldn't it be hilarious if the only woman who preferred you was insane?
Gwen laughs.
ANGELUS: Here you are, shilling for Spike. Defending that sap! And to think I once assumed you were cool. You want him? He's yours. Cause nobody else wants him.
GWEN: Already had him. Already had you. That's kind of the point. Does going evil make you lose IQ points?
DRU: Off with the foolish girl's head.
Gwen reaches behind her and opens a door. The sunlight floods in, forcing Dru and Angelus to move to the side.
GWEN: Not so foolish, am I Dru? I see you're playing both the Queen of Hearts and the Mad Hatter. It's been fun. If I catch you later, try not to kill the messenger just because you don't like the message. By the way, she's prickly, but still a lot less of a bitch than Cordy. Ain't that a hoot. Toodles.
Gwen walks out into the sunlight.