Xander and Anya dance to Lindsey's cover of the bittersweet Willie Nelson ballad "You'll Always Have Someone."
XANDER: I never told you the real reason I walked out on our wedding. I was afraid you would live to regret marrying me. I didn't want to ruin your life. And I thought the pain of ending it then would be less than the pain I would cause you down the road.
ANYA: So you were trying to protect me. From yourself. Or were you protecting me from myself, from my assumption that you could made me happy? Or is this just another way of saying you were scared? In which case you're not telling me anything new.
XANDER: I'm trying to say it wasn't your fault.
ANYA: Once again, knew that from the beginning.
XANDER: I didn't think I deserved you.
ANYA: Now you're finally making some sense. But what does that have to do with anything? Love's not something you deserve. It's not a job promotion or a haberdasher's license.
XANDER: A what? Anyway, part of me could never quite figure out why a beautiful, intelligent, exciting woman like yourself would ever take an interest in a guy like me. The whole thing always seemed too good to be true. I figured it was only a matter of time before I turned into a pumpkin and you'd realize you didn't marry Prince Charming.
ANYA: Never turned a man into a vegetable. Turned some into trees. The kinds that live for centuries, so they'd be stuck in place, bored out of their minds for several lifetimes. Just thought it would be best to take your brutally butchered metaphor in a lighter, less confusing direction. And I'm supposed to believe all of these doubts occurred to you for the first time while I was standing at the altar?
XANDER: Clearly what we had there was a failure to communicate on my part. My timing was unforgivable. What I did to you was hideous. It's obvious I made a mistake.
ANYA: You wish you had gone through with it? Remember, ex-Vengeance Demon, so you don't have to fear that four letter word.
XANDER: I don't. I don't know if we should have gotten married. I don't know how lousy of a husband I would have made. But I do know that I missed you. Every night when I went to sleep. Alone.
The first set ends. Lindsey leaves the stage for a short break. Buffy goes out for a quick patrol. A few minutes later, Lorne walks to his car to call his friends back in LA and see how they are doing. A striking redhead leans against the driver's side door.
ALANNA: Big fan of your work. Loved that one-man show you put on last year, with the music and the stories. "Memories, of the way we were."
Lorne can read enough to know who and what Alanna is. He sprints back towards the Bronze, but she's too quick and blocks his path. By now she's bumpy. Lorne opens his mouth to scream for help. She clamps his jaw shut before he can make a sound.
ALANNA: How bout you die with quiet dignity?
She snaps Lorne's neck. He falls to the ground.
ALANNA: Guess they're the weaker sex in every species.
As Alanna walks away, Lorne slowly rises to his feet. She hears this and turns around. Lorne's body faces her, but his head is looking the other way. He puts his hands to his skull and slowly pulls his head back around, so he is looking at Alanna. She hears his neck bones crack and snap back into place. He walks up to the stunned vampire.
LORNE: Your point being?
Lorne hits her in the face with a right hook. He grabs his knuckles in pain. The blow hurt him more than it hurt Alanna. She decks him with a right hook. Lorne gets up and backs away, grabbing his jaw with his left hand.
LORNE: I think we've reached an understanding. You can't kill me. I can't kill you. How bout we leave it at that?
Lorne scampers to his car, gets in and drives away to Alanna's left. Alanna looks to her right and sees Buffy 100 yards down the street. She goes back to her human face and slips into the Bronze.
WILLOW: That's interesting. When I was your age, I also couldn't dance with boys. But that was because I was shy and homely and none of them were attracted to me.
ARIELLA: Technically I can dance with boys as long as they don't touch me.
WILLOW: What about girls? Can you dance with them? And touch them?
ARIELLA: Yeah.
WILLOW: So you can go to gay bars?
ARIELLA: Very funny.
WILLOW: I'm just saying, your rules say you can only touch a man after you marry him, but there's nothing saying you can't touch women. Isn't that right?
ARIELLA: Technically, yes. Although if you had this Talmudic discussion with my rabbi he'd probably have an aneurysm. And I'm not talking about the sort of dancing you have in mind. It's the stuff you probably did at your Bat Mitsvah.
WILLOW: You mean with the holding hands and going round in circles? Xander liked it until it made him dizzy and nauseous. Probably because he had scarfed way too many blintzes.
They both laugh at the idea of gawky, funny adolescent Xander making an endearing fool of himself.
ARIELLA: He seems like a perfect shabbas goyim. Not literally, since you don't observe. But he's the one who does all the little things you and your friends can't do. The important, non-glamorous stuff most people only notice when it doesn't get done.
WILLOW: Plus he would do that Snoopy Dance for me each Christmas.
XANDER: What are you two talking about? Sounds suspiciously like me.
ARIELLA: I was just telling Willow that I think you're a real mensch.
XANDER: Hey!! Do I make fun of you behind your back?
WILLOW: Xander, relax. Mensch is a good thing.
XANDER: Oh. Thank you then, I guess.
ANYA: How have you adjusted to life in the First World?
IZORA: Ten people in one room, sleeping on the floor. Waiting hours to take a shower. Back home it's less crowded, with more fresh air.
ANYA: Granted, Buffy is running a tenement, forcing everyone, myself included, to live in squalor. Also, you girls are essentially under house arrest, while I can come and go as I please without worrying that funny-looking men will gut me like a fish. So I understand why your particular predicament has prevented you from fully appreciating the miracle that is American capitalism.
IZORA: No, I've been to the mall. Is that the miracle?
ANYA: You are one very smart little girl.
IZORA: But it's not as much fun as the bazaars back home because I can't bargain.
ANYA: That is very true. Lack of negotiations does take some of the fun out of purchasing goods and services. But I've learned that list prices must exist because most people are boobs and can't figure out the true worth of anything, and without a fix price they would be robbed blind. Plus, my experience in retail has taught me the virtues of efficiency. Less time spent talking to the customers means more time spent taking their money.
IZORA: Take it or leave it. No fuss. Like arranged marriages.
ANYA: Do they have arranged marriages in your backward – I mean, traditional – society?
FADILA: Are you always this tactless?
ANYA: Yes. It's one of my defining traits.
IZORA: That is how they do it back home. Before I came here, I hated the idea. Not having a choice. But then I heard about your romances, your sufferings, your friend's sufferings, and think maybe arranged marriages aren't so bad.
ANYA: They do have a far lower rate of vengeance. Largely because of lowered expectations.
FADILA: But you and your friends are a special case. Each day could be your last. If you're risking your life all the time, why not risk your heart?
Spike sees Alanna staring at him. She wears a short blue dress. Spike looks at her long alabaster legs, her flowing red curls cascading down around her shoulders. He doesn't see the harm in talking, and heads over to her.
ALANNA: Beginning to wonder what I had to do to get your attention. I'm Lana.
SPIKE: Spike.
ALANNA: You come here alone, Spike?
SPIKE: No.
ALANNA: So you're with someone?
SPIKE: Not exactly.
ALANNA: Care to go someplace quiet and talk, just the two of us?
SPIKE: You're Irish. Whereabouts? I mean, where were your ancestors from?
ALANNA: Think they came from County Cork.
SPIKE: That so? I would have guessed Galway. Shows how much I know. Let's go.
He puts his arm around her waist and they walk out. Angelus is from County Galway. Spike can smell him on her. Alanna doesn't know where Liam grew up, so she doesn't get the reference. But she assumes Spike senses that she's a vampire, and she thinks he may recognize her from the other night, even though she didn't have her human face on at that time. They both know the other one knows who they are.
Dawn lies on top of Connor. He holds her arms as she rests her head on his chest. He kisses her forehead.
DAWN: I'm really gonna miss this. A lot.
CONNOR: I know. Me too. Never thought I could be so happy.
DAWN: Tell me about it. [she looks into his eyes. Connor smiles] Wanna go to the Bronze?
CONNOR: Why? What's the point of leaving here and being around other people?
DAWN: Sometimes it's nice to be around other people.
Dawn gets out of bed and puts her clothes on.
CONNOR: Not as nice as being alone with you.
DAWN: We could see my friends. I mean, our friends. And we could dance.
CONNOR: Don't like to dance. [smirks] Do like to watch you dance.
Connor also gets out of bed and gets dressed.
DAWN: [sighs] What happened to the sweet, sensitive guy I fell in love with?
CONNOR: You mean there was someone before me?
DAWN: You've become a wiseass. Who'd you learn that from?
CONNOR: What, I can't have a sense of humor?
DAWN: Of course you can. I just wish it was less obnoxious.
CONNOR: So you're already trying to change me.
DAWN: Bit late for you to notice that.
CONNOR: Now who's being obnoxious?
DAWN: Fine. We're both brats.
CONNOR: Part of why we're great together.
Connor picks up a couple stakes.
DAWN: What are those for? We're not going demon hunting.
CONNOR: I know. But in case we get attacked.
DAWN: Good point. Always gotta be careful in this town.
Buffy comes back into the Bronze.
GILES: Was anything out there?
BUFFY: If it was, it did a real good job of hiding. Where's Spike?
GILES: I thought he was with you.
BUFFY: He wasn't. You mean he's gone?
GILES: Perhaps he went out looking for you. No need to worry.
Lorne comes running towards them.
LORNE: You have a problem. It's Spike.
BUFFY: [looks at Giles] You were saying?
LORNE: One of Angelus's female vampires is in town. I saw her in a bar a few blocks away. Sitting with Spike.
BUFFY: What!?
GILES: Spike is collaborating with the enemy? Can't say I'm entirely shocked.
BUFFY: When you say "sitting with," do you mean next to, or on his lap – just how friendly were they?
GILES: I believe you're looking at this all wrong.
BUFFY: Lorne, take me to this tramp so I can kill her.
GILES: And what about Spike?
BUFFY: I'll deal with him next.
GILES: And when you say deal with, do you mean . . . ? [smiles] Very well then. Off you go.
Spike and Alanna sit across from each other at a small table. Alanna brushes her right foot against his left leg.
ALANNA: I get your whole do-gooder bent. But just because we're on different sides, does that mean we have to be enemies? Life's never that simple.
SPIKE: You're preaching to the bloke who leads the bloody choir, pet.
ALANNA: So I've heard. Who cares about good and evil? Gotta do what makes you happy. Am I right?
SPIKE: That's the rub, Lana. What makes you happy no longer makes me happy.
ALANNA: That's not entirely true. [puts his right hand on her left thigh. Spike doesn't exactly protest. She runs the fingers on her right hand through his hair. Once again, he doesn't object.] So you've lost the blood lust. There are other kinds.
Runs her right hand down the left side of his face, down his chest, and into his lap. Spike takes Lana's left hand in his left hand, pulls it up to his mouth and kisses it. She smiles. Spike doesn't.
SPIKE: Ever get the feeling you're being cheated?
ALANNA: She's ruined you worse than I thought. You don't believe I'm here because I want you? You think I'm just pretending?
SPIKE: So your "master" knows about this little escapade?
ALANNA: Like I said, I do what makes me happy. And you know how easy it is to do stuff behind his back. To get out of the house for a couple hours without him noticing.
SPIKE: Seems pretty risky for you to come here all alone. Keep wondering when your mates will pop out of the woodwork.
ALANNA: Guess I'm fearless. Wonder where I get that from?
SPIKE: [chuckles] That's a bloody good question.
ALANNA: [laughs] Guess it was always inside me, even before I got made. Something else we both have in common.
SPIKE: Still, it does seem quite careless to allow one of your soldiers to put herself in harm's way.
ALANNA: When we're off the clock, he could care less what we do. Or who.
Lana unbuttons the top two buttons on Spike's black button-down shirt, then puts her left hand against his chest.
ALANNA: Just imagine how enraged he'll be the next time he takes me in his arms and smells you all over me.
SPIKE: I can imagine you turning into a big pile of dust.
ALANNA: He wouldn't kill his own troops. Not when he needs us to fight his enemies. Angel's not like that Mole Man Drusilla says her daddy and grandmummy used to work for.
Spike laughs. Dru just meant he lived underground. She didn't mean to compare the Master to Hanz Moleman on the Simpsons, and Spike doesn't make this connection either, though he would certainly appreciate the juxtaposition, given how pathetic he always thought the Master was.
SPIKE: So Dru talks to you about the past.
ALANNA: She talks to us about everything. Dru's not insane. She just sees more. And we understand every word, even when she talks to us without speaking.
SPIKE: You just think you understand her. Truth is sometimes she doesn't even understand herself.
ALANNA: She has made mistakes. Like leaving you, for instance. I get why she was mad at you. But look at all the harm it did. She keeps you, you don't get the chip, you don't get the soul, you're with us, and we kill everything in our path. Clearly she blew it big time. Not that I don't love her and practically worship her. But I look at you and I wonder how could any woman you wanted to sleep with turn you down. Maybe I should ask Buffy. She puts you up on that pedestal and walks away. Why do you stand there?
SPIKE: What can I say? I believe in lost causes. You must believe in lost causes too, since you're working for Angelus.
ALANNA: You two can help but insult each other every chance you get. Like two quarreling brothers.
Buffy looks through the window and sees Spike with Alanna. She sees his hand way up her leg. She sees Alanna' hands on him. She sees Spike smiling at her.
SPIKE: I didn't mean that as a dig at Angelus. I meant that as a word of friendly advice to you. Go back to him, and I promise you'll regret it. He's really not worth dying for.
Spike looks behind Alanna and sees Buffy standing there with a stake in her hand. He wonders what she thought of his last comment about Angel not being worth dying for. She didn't hear it because the bar is crowded and noisy. Lana heard Buffy approaching. When Buffy gets close enough to stake her, Lana grabs the chair she's sitting in, spins it around and swings it at Buffy's head. Buffy ducks. She hits Lana in the face with a right hook. Lana falls down. She kicks Buffy backwards with her right foot and vaults to her feet. Buffy connects with a right spin kick, knocking Alanna through the table Spike and her were sitting at. Buffy pulls her stake back out and leaps on top of Alanna. Some of the men whistle and cheer the hot chick fight on. Alanna blocks the stake thrust and tosses Buffy to her left. She rolls to her right and tries to sweep Spike's legs. He jumps up to avoid this. Alanna stands up behind Spike and kicks him in the back, knocking him into Buffy. Lana races out the rear exit. Buffy and Spike chase after her, but she's out of sight by the time they get outside. Spike follows her scent and runs after her. By the time he sees her, she's speeding away in her car. Spike turns around and looks at Buffy.
SPIKE: Look what you've done. What the bloody hell was that for?
BUFFY: Sorry to bust up your date like that. She was a vampire! Remember, we're supposed to kill them, not play footsy with them.
SPIKE: Look who's talking.
He couldn't resist. She slaps him in the face.
SPIKE: For your information, I was planning to kill her. But I knew that if I tried to do it your way, she'd make a run for it and escape. Looks like you proved me right.
BUFFY: Seduce, then kill. Was that your brilliant plan?
SPIKE: That was only half of it. I was getting information. The sort of stuff I'm sure Lorne and his chums would like to have about their enemies.
BUFFY: How selfless of you. So that means you were only pretending to enjoy it?
SPIKE: You're jealous!
BUFFY: Please.
SPIKE: Don't deny it.
BUFFY: You were using her to try to make me jealous. How sick is that?
SPIKE: I wusn't. I didn't even want you to see her, because I knew you'd make her run away and bollocks the whole thing up. But to be honest, I didn't mind the attention. I'm only human. Well, no I'm not, but you get my point. Sometimes a guy likes to feel appreciated. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to find Lorne and tell him what I learned.
BUFFY: How gullible are you? What makes you think she wouldn't lie to you?
SPIKE: Hubris. Part of being evil is thinking no one can stop you. Figured you would have learned that after all these years.
Spike finds Lorne and wants to talk to him. Lorne backs away.
SPIKE: I wus only trying to help.
LORNE: Catching the flies with honey. How sweet of you. Forgive me for being paranoid and doubting you. I know that having a soul doesn't stop people from knocking me unconscious.
SPIKE: I'm telling the bloody truth. Trust me. How bout I sing for you?
LORNE: I think I made myself clear about that.
SPIKE: Just enough for you to know I'm on your side.
LORNE: Okay. But stop when I tell you.
Spike tries to think of something to sing.
SPIKE: "Early one morning, just as the -"
LORNE: Enough! You're on the up-an-up. As for your relationship with your mother, I'd prefer to remain ignorant.
SPIKE: How much did you see?
LORNE: Mercifully little, thank God. Now spill the beans about that house I used to live in.
Buffy returns to the Bronze. Lindsey has begun his second set.
ANYA: Don't you think he looks sexy in that cowboy hat?
BUFFY: I thought he looked sexy without it.
ANYA: He does.
ANDREW: But it adds an air of outlaw mystery.
ANYA: And unlike every other singer who wears one, he's not doing it to cover up a bald spot.
GILES: Did you take care of it?
BUFFY: She got away. Left town.
GILES: And Spike?
BUFFY: Gathering intell, apparently. He's harmless. I mean, what he did was harmless. Lorne's debriefing him now.
ANYA: Spike? My God! I had no idea. I mean, sure, Lorne's charming and all, but –
BUFFY: Not that kind of debriefing.
ANYA: You mean he's pumping Spike for information?
BUFFY: The same way Xander said he wanted to pump Andrew. [Andrew looks a little shocked. His eyes bug out.]
GILES: Can you please dispense with the single entendres? You're supposed to be the adults, after all.
Rona finally works up the courage to introduce herself to Clarence and hit on him. But as she walks over to him, he turns around and leaves. She heads outside after him.
RONA: Hey wait. I mean, hi.
Clarence turns to his left and sees Rona. Before he can respond, a vampire comes out of nowhere and throws him into the wall. Rona looks up at the Heavens.
RONA: Thank you.
The vampire grabs the terrified Clarence with his left hand and goes to punch him with his right fist. Rona grabs his right wrist from behind, pulls him away from Clarence and throws the startled vampire into the opposite wall in the alley. He lands a left cross to her face. Clarence winces. Rona ducks his right hook and connects with a right kick to his nose. She nails him in the stomach with a left kick and in the chin with a right uppercut. He growls and throws her to the ground. The vampire charges at Clarence. Rona comes at the vampire from his right and stakes him while he's still focusing on Clarence. The vampire turns to dust. Rona looks at Clarence.
RONA: Are you okay? Did he hurt you?
Clarence is trembling.
CLARENCE: He just, he just, y-ya- you know, poof. What the hell just happened?
RONA: Don't worry bout it. I took care of it.
CLARENCE: Thanks, uh, what did you say your name was?
RONA: Rona.
CLARENCE: Very glad to meet you Rona. I'm Clarence.
RONA: Feeling's mutual, Clarence. You'd probably feel safer inside. Wanna dance?
CLARENCE: Okay. Sure.
Rona smiles, takes her damsel's hand and heads back into the Bronze.