Over hither and yonder in a far off hick town lived a small child, who wasn't actually small, nor a child, but felt like saying so ayway. This fraud kid was the same brat whose writing this tedious disclaimer trying to tell you that I own jack shit. I hope this has made you feel special.
Sesshou maru's World Conquest in a Day
Chapter 1 The Building of the Fortress (along with disney world, egypt, and a few other goodies)
On one of those perfect days that almost every author likes to start out with, Sesshou maru was once again fighting against his evil half brother Inuyasha and his diabolical posse, so that he could finally claim what was very rightfully his. It was suddenly that the stubborn wench, known as Kagome, "accidentally" fell over, tripping Sesshou maru, and made him fall into the bone well. He was then plopped into the world that the lil' ho bag came from.
1:07 am
Sesshou maru: Where am I?
Jakken: It seems that we have been transported to another realm, my lord.
Sesshou maru: Jakken? How'd you get here?
Jakken: I was sticking twigs in that big furry thing of yours, and somehow got stuck. Basically, I fell in with you. What I'd like to know, though, is where Rin is.
Back in the other world...
Rin: *walking around looking for Seshoumaru*
Big Dog: *eats her*
Back to Sesshou maru
Seshoumaru: Rin's a smart girl. She'll be fine on her own.
Jakken: So... now that we're here, what're we gonna do?
Sesshou maru: *ponders* I believe that today I feel like taking over the world.
Jakken: But that's impossible to do within a day.
Sesshou maru: Don't interrupt my ponderment. *kills Jakken* Now then, I do believe that I will be crowning myself the ruler of this new world, even though I don't know squat about it, nor have I gotten out of this confounded well. Hell, I'm even talking to myself. Well, whatever. *jumps out of well* Hmm... That house over there... wait, I shouldn't be able to see the house yet... *walks out of shed* Hmm... That house over there, maybe I can find out some valuable information from the ones who dwell in it. *makes his way towards the house*
Meanwhile...
Kagome: Oh no! Seshoumaru's now in my world! Mother, grandpa, brother, my cat, please be alright!
Inuyasha: Kagome... we're supposed to be evil. You know e v i l.
Kagome: Since when?
Sango: Since Seshoumaru's ideals of killing innocent people out of convenience and having no regard for life became righteous.
Kagome: Oh right. *ahem* Damn me, damn you, damn everybody! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Miroku: May we evoke the powers of hell and playboy on our quest of evilish evil!
Shippo: Humans, demons, that squirrel over there, I will eat you all!
Inuyasha: Let us now go to that other world and make it burn! BURN! KYAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, and kill bro, too... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
The evil Inuyasha posse then jumped into the well.
Sesshou maru: Old man, where am I?
Kagome's grandaddy: You are CHEESE!!!!
Sesshou maru: So I am in the world of You are cheese.
Grandaddy: CHEESE!!!!
Sesshou maru: Okay fine! I'm in the world of You are CHEESE!!!! Don't get your panties in a wad. Anyway, where is your leader?
Grandaddy: MAY GOD REIGN KETCHUP UPON THEE LIVERWORST!!
Sesshou maru: I think I'll just be going now. *leaves and goes to a random preschool* Hmm... I smell children.
Teacher: May I help you?
Sesshou maru: No. *kills her* I will make this place my base, and force all of the children into slave labor. Yes, I do believe that it would be the most noble thing to do. *nodds in approval of his decision*
Lil kid: Scuse me mister, but are you gonna join us at our slumber party?
Sesshou maru: A what?
Lil kid: Our school was having a slumber party today. That's why it's 1 something in the morning. *looks at teacher* Is she sleeping?
Sesshou maru: No, she's friggin dead, and you'll be, too, if you don't cooperate. From now on, you and all of your friends here are my slaves. Now wake them all up and build me a pandoga already, you worthless piece of shit!
Lil kid: WWWAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Sesshou maru: Shut up! *smacks lil kid* Now do as I say dammit!
At Kagome's house...
Kagome: Grandpa, I'm home with friends! We're here to kill people!
Grandaddy: CARROT WILL RAIN ON THE PAJAMA INCUBATOR!
Sango: I think your grandpa's mentally ill.
Miroku: Let's kill him.
Shippo: Rip, tear, KILL!!! HUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Grandaddy: THE SPOONS!!! OH THE HORRID SSSPPPOOOONNNSSS!!! HOW THEY NIBBLE AT MY PINKY TOES SO!!
Inuyasha: Shut up you old fart and tell me where my brother is!
Grandaddy: THE REMEDIES OF HEALTH PRAISE THE THESAURUS OF THE POCKET HANDBOOK!!! THE COMPLETE CONCORDANCE OF HARRY POTTER IS FULL OF GRACE AND IS THE PATH THROUGH SCRIPTURE AND FLIES!!!
Inuyasha: .....
Back to Sesshou maru...
Sesshou maru: Work faster you pathetic children! *cracks whip* I want the life size version of ancient Egypt completed within the hour!!!
Lil Boy: But sir, we already finished the padoga and an upgraded Disney World in the last ten minutes, which by all human standards is physically impossible, but somehow was managed anyway.
Sesshou maru: You sure do use big words for a lil boy. You piss me off! *whacks him with whip* No more sugar rations for you!
Lil Boy: But how will I be able to work at the speed of light without a decent sugar high?!
Sesshou maru: DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME! *whacks him again* You will respect my authoritah!
Lil Boy: But-
Sesshou maru: MY AUTHORITAH!!
Lil Boy: *runs off screaming*
Sesshou maru: Lil nuisance. Well, no matter. The dogs will catch up with him soon enough. Now then, I must hold a stragetic conference... Jakken!.... Oh wait, I killed him already, huh? No matter, I'll just revive him... wait, no. I already fed his corpse to my new Doberman... ah crap. Well anywho, I must figure out my next move... Of course! I must destroy the leader of this world! Hey kid!
Lil girl: Yes master?
Sesshou maru: Who's your leader?
Lil girl: T-the teacher sir.
Sesshou maru: Okay... and her leader is?
Lil girl: Umm.... the milk man?
Sesshou maru: The milk man?
Lil girl: Uh huh. Whenever we leave the class room, the milk man goes in, and she always says stuff like 'Wrong me, show me whose my boss man' and stuff like that.
Sesshou maru: So the milk man is the ruler of the world. I must find this milk man and destroy him! What does this infidel look like?
Lil girl: He looks all white and wears a funny hat.
Sesshou maru: All right then. I will now venture forth and kill this abomination, followed by becoming the new leader of You are CHEESE!!!!
How long does it take to bull doze a mime? What would happen if gypsies stole your undies? Why does the sky always remain out of reach? Chances are none of these questions will be answered, but read the next chapter anyway! Find out useless crap in the next installment of Seshou maru's World Conquest in a Day!