State of Mind
"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."
-Carl W. Buechner
Part 9: Breaking
Night had fallen, 'though it had been dark long since as the rain poured down against the window panes. It wasn't very late, but Takeru had lost track of time quite awhile ago as he huddled miserably against his two best friends; his only friends. It had been hours since Daisuke had broken down in Taichi's arms. They had all been taken back home soon after, the older boys not knowing what else to do. Takeru, Taichi and Daisuke had not spoken or dared to look at anyone since.
Takeru blinked hard, trying to stop his own tears while they slid down his cheeks, as he stared mournfully at his reddish haired friend. The blonde shivered as he remembered the way Ken had yelled, had glared so disgustedly at the poor boy. He clung harder to the other two, one arm around Daisuke and the other hanging desperately onto the older brunette. This was it then... things had gone horribly wrong. The strangers, well maybe not quite strangers anymore, could only be forgiving up to a certain point and Takeru was sure that they had gone way too far past that point now.
He couldn't blame Daisuke though. He would have probably done the same thing if he had been in the other boy's place. But if only it had all never happened in the first place; if only Dais had been able to stop when he had been told to. Gods, what a mess.
Yamato and Ken were nearby, he could hear them speaking in low, urgent tones near the sliding glass doors that led to the balcony, though he couldn't make out the words. Hikari was elsewhere, trying to explain to her mother what had happened and to convince the woman not to crowd or bother the boys too much. Takeru just wished he knew what everyone was planning to do with them so that he would be prepared when the time came. As long as he wasn't separated from his friends, then at least he'd be able to face the change.
Absently he stroked the reddish brown hair of Daisuke, trying to give some comfort to the still shaking boy. Daisuke hadn't separated from Taichi for one moment since the incident, trembling viciously as he held desperately onto his 'brother'. The young teen was scared, Takeru knew, scared that the entire thing was his fault and that he had let the other two down.
Closing his eyes, Takeru rested his head against Taichi's shoulder and decided that until a real decision had been made for them, he wasn't moving. The three stayed exceptionally still on the couch for quite awhile, pressed together so tight that it would have to take a great force to separate them. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the blonde felt the other two older boys approach their huddle.
They sat down on the couch, one on either side of the small group, but remained silent for a while. Yamato was the first to make a move, probably because he was the oldest and felt that it was his responsibility. Takeru was just glad that Ken wasn't going to do anything else quite yet. "I think... I think there's been a... misunderstanding," the eldest blonde stated quietly.
The three of them remained silent and motionless. Takeru kept his eyes shut and his grip on the others tight, knowing that Taichi would be the one to answer if the brunette deemed it necessary. But then again, knowing how Taichi was... he wasn't going to forgive or forget what had happened that easily. He could actually feel Taichi's already tense muscles tighten even more at Yamato's voice.
"Gomen nasai, Daisuke, I'm so sorry!" Ken suddenly blurted out from the other side, his voice sounding strained and ready to break at any moment.
Surprised, Takeru opened his eyes and turned his head just enough to peek over his shoulder at the bluenette. Neither Taichi nor Daisuke looked up however, but Takeru felt them flinch slightly.
Ken's eyes were wide, and slightly reddened as though he had been crying, as he stared desperately at the huddled group. When he noticed Takeru staring at him, he didn't say anything, but pleadingly looked back into the bright blue eyes. Uncomfortably, Takeru looked away again.
There was a frustrated sounding sigh that came from Yamato as the blonde stood up again and started to pace. "Fuck, this is stupid. We finally make some progress, then bang, back to square fucking one!"
"Yamato," Ken warned him quietly, shifting nervously on the cushions. Then he turned back to them, "Daisuke... I really am sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, I was just... well... I wasn't really comfortable with what you were asking me to do. Please just listen... I'm not mad."
"Stop apologizing, you're just making things worse!" Taichi suddenly snarled, shocking everyone into stillness as his heated eyes snapped up. He looked around with a frantic expression for a moment, as if he wasn't quite sure where he was, before leaping up with Daisuke in his arms and Takeru clinging to his left side. With a whining sort of noise, he ran from the room, to the bedroom that belonged to him and Daisuke.
"I can't take this anymore!" Taichi growled as he slammed the door shut behind them. Takeru instantly grabbed Daisuke from the older boy's arms and brought him to the bed where they fearfully curled up together, watching as the brunette paced the room. "I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't !" The anger filled voice was quickly changing to almost a sob, thick and tearful. "Fuck this! Fuck Yamato, fuck Ken, and fuck this life !"
Takeru felt Daisuke slowly stop shaking, a large cinnamon colored eye peeked out at his enraged brother. Together they watched with scared attention as Taichi cursed everything he could think of before smashing a fist into the wall. They had never seen him like this, as if he was about to explode with anger and every other emotion that he had kept pent up all these years. "I can't... fuck, I can't... too much..."
At that moment Yamato and Ken burst into the room, their eyes wide as they took in the scene. The normally emotionless blonde was now staring at Taichi with an expression of horror and disbelief. He wasted no time in hurrying over to the sobbing brunette who was still crying out his feelings for the life they were living. "Taichi, it's okay! Please stop, I-"
"It's not okay! It's not! It's not!" Taichi screamed hoarsely, looking as if he was about to punch the other. Tears slipped unbidden down his reddened cheeks, "Why? Why is this happening?!"
Despite the threatening stance, Yamato reached out and gathered the teen in his arms, fiercely holding on as the brunette struggled to break free again. "Because, Taichi... it's just right. You don't understand, we're not trying to hurt you."
Takeru could feel the panic growing inside of him, and knew that Daisuke was feeling the same. If Taichi didn't think he could handle this, if he couldn't believe that they would be okay, the how could they be expected to know what to do? The two boys sat tensely at the edge of the bed, clutching onto each other as they tried to control their terrified emotions.
Taichi had finally stopped trying to fight Yamato away and was now clinging onto him as if the blonde was the only thing keeping him up. Takeru could hear his friend's sobs from where he was sitting, which only served to frighten him even more. It was very rare to see Taichi cry, he was usually so strong and was always the one comforting everyone else. This just wasn't right.
Takeru bit his lip, trying to stop from crying out himself, and turned away to block the sight from his eyes. Instead he saw that Hikari had now entered the room. She was with Ken, hugging him as though to calm him down and whispering steadily into his ear. They both looked over at him and Daisuke, catching him watching them. Then they were on the bed as well, Ken sitting on Daisuke's side but not too close so as to be crowding the boy.
"Are you scared, Takeru?" Startled, the blonde only stared at the girl as he tightened his grip slightly on his friend. "It's going to be okay, Taichi just... needs someone to help him, like we all do." Hikari looked over his shoulder at Daisuke, who was currently curled up tightly as he hugged his knees and hid his face behind them. "Ken..."
The bluenette startled, then looked toward the red head with an apprehensive frown. He shifted closer, hesitantly laying a hand on Daisuke's shoulder. The boy flinched away, moving even further against Takeru, which caused Ken to pull back with a heart broken look. "Don't be afraid of me... please..." He whispered sadly. Then he turned his bright violet eyes to Takeru, "Why... is he acting like this? I apologized, I... I didn't mean to..."
"Y-you didn't want him..." Takeru whispered, lowering his own eyes as he leaned his head against Daisuke's shoulder. He felt tired, drained of energy after the long day. All this confusion wasn't helping one bit either. "...he wasn't good enough..."
"Good enough?" Ken sounded confused himself, drawing away again. "I don't understand..."
Takeru didn't even bother to answer this. He didn't really care one way or the other what the other was feeling, all he wanted at the moment was to be alone with his friends and sleep. A silence fell across the room, except for the occasional murmur that could be heard from the two older boys standing near by. It was a while before Takeru finally felt Taichi's arms wrap around him and Daisuke. Yamato spoke quietly to the other two, "They want to be left alone now, come on." Ken and Hikari reluctantly stood up and Takeru listened to the three sets of footsteps slowly walk out of the room. When the door finally clicked shut, he lifted his head to look at Taichi.
Reddened chocolate brown eyes looked back at him sorrowfully, "I'm sorry about all of that, 'Keru, I just..."
"S'okay, really. I'm just glad you're with us again, Tai." Takeru wrapped his arms around his older friend for a warm hug, his panic sliding away as he took in the familiar heat and strength that the other had to give.
Then they looked to Daisuke who was still tightly hugging his knees. Taichi was kneeling in front of them on the floor, a hand on each of their shoulders. "Dais-chan?"
The younger boy shuddered momentarily before lifting his head a bit. He stared at Taichi with a blank expression for a minute before launching himself into the brunette's arms, "He-he hates me! He h-hates me, 'Chi! Why? Why's he hate me?" Takeru winced at the desperate note in those words.
"No, Dais, no... he doesn't hate you. It's just... you made a mistake, that's all. He doesn't hate you for it." Taichi soothed him, hugging him back just as tightly. He looked up at Takeru for a moment to see if he was all right, but the blonde just nodded for him to calm Daisuke first. "Yamato told me... he told me that Ken was just shocked about what you were saying. He said they don't do things like... like pay... you know. But... but they're not going to punish us, he promised."
Daisuke sniffed a bit, but didn't answer. With a tired sigh, Taichi only shook his head and lifted himself and the smaller teen onto the bed beside Takeru. Together, the three of them curled up in each other's arms and closed their eyes. They were all exhausted, and hoped that tomorrow would bring an answer to all of this, or at least some understanding. Takeru wasn't sure what to make of Taichi's explanation of Ken's actions, but he decided that there was no point in asking any more questions at the moment. Better to sleep; better to dream of a time without pain, or confusion, or sadness.
=-=-=-=
Ken was shaking by the time they walked into the living room, his thoughts going in a million different directions at once. The three of them immediately collapsed onto the closest available space; Yamato and Hikari on the couch while Ken took the armchair. There they commenced to stare blankly at one another.
It had gone from a beautiful, wonderful day to terribly wrong so fast that it made his head spin to think about it. But... how could Daisuke have said such horrible things? That... that he would pay to use Daisuke? That was just sick! Then Ken had screwed things up even worse by yelling at the confused boy and everything went downhill from there.
That look of complete despair on the younger boy's face just kept passing through Ken's mind over and over again. He hated himself for causing it.
"Well... looks like we fucked up." Yamato grumbled from where he was sprawled across half the couch, swiping a hand through his golden bangs in frustration.
Ken frowned, shaking his head, "I did. It was my fault, I shouldn't have yelled."
"Ken, don't start blaming yourself now, you just reacted the same as anyone in that situation would have." The brunette girl reasoned, curling up on her own side of the couch, "And besides, we have enough to do without putting anyone to fault and feeling sorry for ourselves."
With a sigh the bluenette nodded, deciding it was just easier to agree with her. Instead he looked toward his best friend, "What did you and Taichi talk about?"
Yamato shrugged slightly, staring up at the ceiling with apparently great interest, "He was pretty upset. I guess all the pressure is really starting to get to him... you know, all that he has to do to keep the other two from panicking. I just tried to explain to him why you had disagreed with what Daisuke was going on about. Once he realized you didn't really hate Daisuke's guts and weren't about to hurt any of them, he calmed down a bit."
"But why had he said earlier that Ken was just making it worse by apologizing?" Hikari asked with her own little frown.
"Because it's different from what they were used to, I guess." Yamato shrugged again, "Nobody's ever been 'sorry' for anything they did to them."
"That's awful," She whispered, "They're so sensitive. No wonder we scare them so much."
Ken sighed, wanting to cry but knowing that it wouldn't help matters at all, "What I don't get is why Daisuke... why he said those things. How could have he wanted me to... to... you know. I would have thought that they would avoid the business whenever they could." He sighed again, shifting a bit as he looked towards the blonde, then noticed how the blue eyes were now staring at him with an unsure look. "Yama... what's the matter?"
"It's just... Taichi told me something..." Yamato stared harder, as if trying to make up his mind whether or not to give away a secret.
"What? What did he say?" Ken finally asked, knowing from experience that Yamato could take forever to get to a point.
Yamato frowned, then grinned so suddenly that Ken and Hikari jumped with surprise. He sat up with a small laugh as the other two looked at him as though he had lost his mind. "He loves you!"
"What?" Ken blinked, unsure if Yamato actually knew what he was saying or not, "Taichi loves me?"
Yamato laughed again, looking even more amused, "No, not Taichi." His grin widened, though he refrained from explaining any further.
"Then... oh gods... Daisuke?" At Yamato's nod, Ken fell back into his chair with a hand to his mouth. Daisuke loved him? Daisuke loved him? That was crazy, why would the nervous red head like him at all? "Are you sure?" He mumbled through his fingers.
Yamato nodded again, gaining back some of his usual seriousness, "I'm quite sure, Taichi isn't the type to just say things that he doesn't mean. He said that... that Daisuke claimed he was in love with you and so went about trying to have you in the only way he thought was safe."
"But..." So Daisuke thought he loved Ken. And then Ken went and destroyed all the boy's hope by yelling at him to shut up! Oh... what a mess. Daisuke was never going to understand this one. "He can't love me!"
"I don't see why not," Yamato smirked a bit, "It's not like you're homophobic, right?"
"No, you don't understand!" Gritting his teeth with frustration and guilt, Ken stood up and stared down at Yamato, "I betrayed his trust... He... he didn't think I'd ever hurt him but I-I did! To him, my response to his feelings was... was terrible. Kami... I'm just like... just like Asrik!"
When his two friends only proceeded to stare at him with shocked faces, he turned around and rushed to the front door. He had to get away, his mind was screaming with so many confusing emotions while the rest of him was just filled up with an unimaginable amount of guilt. Slipping on his shoes, he ran out the door.
"Ken!" There was a yell that he recognized as belonging to his best friend behind him, "Ken, wait!"
Knowing that the elevator would just delay him, he headed for the stairs, taking them two at a time. He could hear Yamato's frustrated curses behind him as the older boy ran after him. It wasn't until they reached the third landing that the blonde caught up, grabbing Ken's arm to force him to stop and face the other teenager. "Fuck... Ken... why..." Yamato panted, trying to control his breathing while glaring down with narrowed eyes.
Ken didn't respond, staring down at the concrete landing to avoid the icy gaze. There was the sound of a deep breath being drawn in, then he was forced to look up at the older boy as his chin was raised roughly by the other's hand. "You're nothing like that fucking onore! Nothing, you got that? Asrik cheated on you, he lied to you, he didn't give a shit about your feelings. All you did was tell Daisuke to stop talking about a fucked up idea. Does that sound anything like your ex?"
"But I... to Daisuke it would seem..." Ken winced as the blue eyes hardened even more at his feeble attempts to defend himself. It hurt to think of his ex-boyfriend, of how the other had lied to him about everything.
"It might have seemed harsh to Daisuke, but he'll get over it. Believe me. Taichi'll explain to him, the boy believes anything that Taichi tells him." Then Yamato's face softened, taking on an almost pleading expression, "Please Ken... don't blame yourself, and don't think of yourself like that. I hate seeing you so upset..."
"I know..." Ken sighed, "But... what do I do?"
Yamato echoed his sigh, then carefully pulled the younger boy into a comforting hug. They stood there together in silence for a while, thinking the question over. Finally the blonde said quietly, "I'm sure you'll think of something, Ken, you always do. Somehow you always manage to find a way to fix a hopeless situation."
Ken smiled, looking up at the other with brightened violet eyes, "Thanks, Yama. You're a great friend, you know that?"
The older teen snorted gently, pulling away again as he shook his head, "Aw, don't get all mushy on me now, Ken. Besides, you've always been a better friend to me, 'just trying to pay you back some."
"Right, Yama, whatever you want to believe." Ken's smile widened as he hooked an arm around Yamato's thin waist, "What say we go back up and see what Hikari's mother made for dinner?"
Yamato laughed, swinging his own arm around Ken's shoulders as they made their way back up the stairs, "Knowing her, probably something that includes some sort of fungus. But whatever floats your boat."
"Are you going to stay here tonight?" Ken asked.
With a nod, Yamato answered, "Yeah... I don't want to leave Takeru alone." He seemed to grow serious again at the mention of the younger blonde, his face losing most of its smile. Ken wanted to ask him about what was bothering him, but at that moment they came up to the Yagami's apartment door and walked in.
Hikari was anxiously waiting for them inside and the moment she spotted the pair they instantly found themselves struggling to breathe as she threw her arms around them, "What's the matter with you two?! Leaving like that, really! Oh Ken, are you okay? Don't ever do that again!"
"I... I'm fine... really!" Ken gasped as he finally tore away from her vice like grip. "Yamato talked some sense into me. And, well... you know how hard it is to argue with the likes of him!" He grinned at Yamato to show he was only joking.
"Oh, how I know! Those eyes..." she shivered, also grinning at the now perturbed looking blonde.
The older teenager muttered, "See if I ever try to help you guys again..." before giving up and heading for the kitchen. The other two followed close behind.
The Yagami mother was in the kitchen as usual and was busy stirring a pot of what looked to be some sort of brownish stew. Ken's stomach growled as he spotted it. He had never understood how Yamato could find Mrs. Yagami's creations so disgusting when they always ended up tasting wonderful.
The three teens spent dinner at the table with Mrs. Yagami as the woman drilled them about the situation with the other children. They tried to convince her that it really wasn't as bad as it seemed and that everything was under control. She didn't seem satisfied with the answers but trusted them all the same to do what was best.
After dinner, Ken followed the others back to the living room and collapsed on the couch, patting his stuffed stomach absently. Yamato took the other side, immediately claiming more than his share of the couch as he lay across it, forcing Ken to curl up a bit. The two had already gotten permission to stay the night, which was easy because there was no school the next day, and now they were both secretly making plans to grab the couch to sleep on before the other could. Of course, Ken knew he would lose the fight, he always did, but it was fun finding new ways to irritate the blonde even more.
Hikari looked at the clock on the shelf near by, not even bothering to sit down as she noticed how late it was. "I'm going to bed, then. You two should get some sleep as well, no bickering until three o'clock in the morning like you did last time you slept over." And with that she bid them good night and swept off to do whatever it was she did before going to sleep.
It didn't take very long before Yamato stretched out further and shoved Ken off the couch, staring at the ceiling with an innocent look all the while. Mrs. Yagami had already finished cleaning up in the kitchen and had gone to her own bedroom. Her husband wouldn't be returning until the next evening as he had gone on a short business trip earlier that day.
Ken thought about trying to fight back for his right to sleep on the soft couch for once, but then decided there really wasn't any point. Instead he went out to the hallway closet and grabbed a couple of quilts, throwing one on top of Yamato as he made his way to the armchair. It definitely wasn't a comfortable place to sleep, but it was better than the hard floor. Yamato grunted as the blanket fell on his head, but didn't say anything as he tucked it around him.
There was silence for a while, but Ken couldn't seem to sleep quite yet. There was something bugging him, "Yamato?" There was a short grunt of reply. "You said... Daisuke likes me, right?"
He heard a tired sounding sigh, but Yamato answered anyway, "Actually, I said he loves you, but yes."
Ignoring that, Ken continued, "Why?"
"... How the hell should I know? 'Cause you're nice to him, I suppose."
"Well, what about Taichi?"
"What about him?" Yamato mumbled, snuggling further into his quilt.
"Doesn't he love you? You are nice to him too, after all." Ken smiled into the dark as he heard a snort of surprise from across the room. Obviously Yamato hadn't been expecting that.
It took a few minutes before Yamato replied gruffly, "No I'm not. He thinks I hate him."
"I doubt it... I saw you holding his hand today." Yamato tried to cut him off defensively, but Ken added, "Besides, Daisuke probably thinks I hate him now too."
"... good point. But he likes you too much to stay afraid of you forever. Like I said before, he'll get over it. All you have to do is prove to him that you're not mad or going to hurt him."
"Do you like Taichi?"
Yamato once again was startled by the question, almost sounding as if he was choking in shock for a moment. Again it took a while for him to answer, so long in fact that Ken almost thought he had gone to sleep. But finally the blonde teen whispered, "Fuck, Ken, of course I like him, he's a nice guy."
Ken rolled his eyes, shifting once again to get into a more comfortable position as the arm of the chair dug into his back. "That's not what I mean and you know it. Do you like like him? As in more than 'he's a nice guy, I want him to be my friend' sort of like?"
"How should I fucking know?" Yamato sounded almost angry, or frustrated, which surprised the bluenette. "Every time I get somewhere with him, get to know him some, something fucks it all up and he starts acting all afraid and hurt again. He's just too fucking scared of me! I try to be nice, I really do, but some how I always manage to fuck up because he can sense the slightest bit of anger in me whether it's directed at him or not."
"Oh Yamato..." He really didn't know what to say to that. He could tell that Yamato was hurt by the way Taichi, and probably his brother as well, always shied away from him as if he was some horrible person who was going to smack them. It didn't help either that Yamato had always been rather guarded about forming new relationships. The blonde had never had a steady girlfriend or boyfriend, though he had had many flings with people of both sexes. It took a lot just to befriend the stoic teenager as Ken had seen when Sora, Mimi, Jyou and the all rest of the group had had to work hard just to gain his trust. Now just when he finally was trying to make friends with someone, that someone, namely Taichi, was just pushing him away over and over again. Knowing Yamato, it wouldn't be that long before his patience finally snapped and some rather drastic consequences came from it.
It was obvious that Yamato was now ignoring him, pointedly turning to face the back of the couch in order to hide his frustrations all the better. Ken sighed and decided to let it go, knowing that too much prying could only lead to the other teen putting up his guard further and ignoring him for days. Instead he closed his eyes and turned his thoughts to his own problems with Daisuke. It was hours before he actually fell asleep, his mind busy mauling over his feelings for a certain complicated maroon haired boy.
=-=-=-=
*Rock-a-by baby, in a tree top...*
"You fucking son of whore! I told you to get down on your knees boy..."
*...when the wind blows, the cradle will rock...*
"Do as I say, bitch, or I'm not pay'n shit for your skinny ass."
*...when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall...*
"Give me what ya got, you little mother fucker, and don't hold back on the noise neither."
*...And down...*
"Whoring bitch!"
*...will come...*
"You don't deserve what I'm giving ya, you don't deserve this, you hear?!"
*... baby, cradle...*
"That's it, boy, cry out for me! Tell me it hurts, tell me how much it fucking hurts!"
*... and all.*
Taichi lay still, his eyes turned unseeing at the bottom of the bunk bed above them. Memories of the past refused to let him sleep. All the men who had forced him to do their will, forced him to cry and plead for mercy, forced him to beg for what they were about to do to him. They had never been allowed to permanently mark him but there were still many ways to feel pain without that. Some men had taken perverse pleasure in hearing him cry out to them, screaming for them to stop. But they never did. Sure, some of his clients had actually been pretty gentle and generally thoughtful, but that still left many men who did not think twice about demanding anything they had wanted from him.
It had all made sense before. He was merely a stupid whore for the Masters to use as they willed and if they willed these men to do as they pleased with him, then so be it. Who was he to say what he did or did not want? It had never been up to him. And he had appreciated the Masters, respected them to no bounds, because without them they had claimed that he would have been homeless, starving and without a single person to care for him.
But now things had changed. Once again Yamato had tried to explain to him that their previous services were not wanted here. They were not expected to perform for the needy perverts, nor bow down to anyone.
It was all so confusing and yet... it made perfect sense. When he looked at how Hikari, Ken, Yamato and all the rest of the kids behaved, how they seemed to be almost on equal terms with the adults, it just seemed bizarre to have to work like he had anymore. The Masters did not exist here... and that's what scared him the most.
No Masters to take care of them; no Masters to tell them what was and was not okay; no Masters to think for them. Whoring was the only thing he was good at, that he knew how to do with perfection. What would he do now?
With a shiver, Taichi sat up in the bed, feeling a familiar aching pain in his chest. Takeru and Daisuke had rolled away at some point during the last few hours, still curled up together and blissfully asleep. This left Taichi alone to deal with his thoughts and nightmarish memories.
He felt numb as he stared blindly at the dark lumps of his friends, wishing that he could do so much more for them. They must be so disappointed with him, especially after the freak out he had had earlier. He was supposed to take care of them, it was his responsibility as he was the oldest, but he had failed them. That was one thing he was sure of.
Without thinking, Taichi slid off of the bed and silently padded out of the room. He felt overwhelmed with new thoughts and ideas, most of them not to his liking, and just felt the need to get away from it all for awhile. He didn't know where he was going, or what he was thinking, until he entered the living room and spotted the mess of familiar hair sticking out from underneath the quilt. A bit of light that shone through the blinds on the windows caused the hair to glow golden.
Taichi started to shake as he stood in silence, watching the dark lump on the couch with wide, uncertain eyes. His chest felt tight, as though he couldn't breathe properly. His feet and hands were freezing in the night air, but all he did was shiver and ignore it. Yamato... He had told Daisuke that it was against the rules to fall in love, that they shouldn't even be thinking that way, but now that the Masters were gone...? What now? Did those rules still apply? Would the Masters come back? So many questions and all of them went unanswered.
He was so scared... so scared that he was doing everything wrong, or that this wasn't going to last and the Masters would be there the next day to march them right back home again. Another shiver ran through him. He could almost hear the Masters now, their footsteps coming down the hallway to stop right outside the apartment. They would come in, tell him that it was all a test and that he had failed miserably, that now they had to punish him. And he knew what their punishments were like...
As the first wave of panic shot through him, he stumbled over to the couch and frantically pulled away the quilt, trying to make sure that Yamato was really there. The other teen woke up with a start as the cold air hit him, staring around in confusion.
Taichi only stared, caught between relief and blind panic over what might still happen. Yamato finally appeared to figure out where he was and soon caught sight of Taichi standing there. "What... Taichi?" He whispered with sleepy surprise.
Shaking more than ever, the brunette took a step back, prepared to bolt if Yamato should suddenly decide that his presence was not wanted here. He shouldn't have come, shouldn't have woken up Yamato, but he had craved the comforting arms so much...
"Kami... what time is it?" Yamato yawned, turning to properly face the other. Then he seemed to realize that everything wasn't right, "Taichi? What're you doing up?"
"Gomen..." Taichi whispered, backing away another step. He was feeling the cold now as it crept through his thin clothes. "I... I d-didn't mean to..."
"Yama...? What's going on?" Taichi gasped as he heard Ken's groggy voice behind him and was only stopped from fleeing the room by the firm hand that grabbed his arm.
"It's all right, Ken, go back to sleep. Taichi just decided to join our little party." Yamato reassured the other, staring at Taichi with searching eyes all the while. When Ken didn't say anything else, Taichi was pulled back towards the couch until he was standing in front of the confused blonde. "Are you okay, Taichi?"
Taichi blinked at the question before his mind caught up with the present, "I... yes. I'm s-sorry."
Yamato narrowed his eyes, causing Taichi to flinch and try to pull back. The hand only tightened a bit on his arm, "Don't lie to me, I just want to help. You know I'm not going to hurt you."
Did he? Taichi suddenly realized that he did know that. Not once since they had met had Yamato abused him in any way. Sure he got a bit snappish, but from the looks of things he was like that to even Ken sometimes. "I'm scared." Taichi blurted out quietly, hoping that the other would understand.
For a few moments, Yamato didn't say anything as he only stared sympathetically at the brunette through the darkness. Then he tugged Taichi towards him and whispered, "Come here, then."
Taichi gladly fell into the other's arms, burying his face into the shoulder provided for him. He felt the warm arms encircle him and finally let his frightened tears slip free. He cried quiet sobs for all the things he had been worrying unceasingly about. Yamato let him, without comment, only holding him tightly in a comforting hug. It was that comfort that Taichi had been wanting so badly, had needed for so long. Why was Yamato so good to him?
He cried and cried until the tears dried up and he felt himself relax. Yamato felt it too and only then pushed Taichi back a bit, reaching a hand to wipe away the last bit of wetness on his cheeks. "Feeling better, now?" He asked kindly, smiling a bit 'though the concern still hung heavy in his eyes.
Taichi nodded slightly, still clinging on to the other's shirt with shaky hands. "Th-thank you..."
"Hey, don't thank me. I know you needed it," Yamato told him, "Are you sure you feel better?"
"A... a little... It's just..." Taichi hesitated, but gained a bit of confidence at Yamato's encouraging nod, "The Masters-" He stopped again as he felt the blonde freeze under his fingers. Taichi pulled away, horrified at the response, "I'm sorry! I... I shouldn't have... gomen nasai!"
He started panicking again, afraid that Yamato was mad at him now. He hadn't meant to anger him! But Yamato held onto him determinedly as he tried to jerk away, aware of what was going on. "Taichi! Stop it! I'm not mad, I promise. Calm down!" He hissed, trying not to wake Ken again.
Out of habit, Taichi obeyed what he thought was a command and stopped struggling. In fact he stayed very still, though he couldn't stop shivering. "G-gomen-"
"Stop apologizing, please Taichi. There's nothing you should be sorry for right now." Yamato pleadingly looked at him, "You can ask the question, I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't even realize that you... But please go ahead."
For a moment Taichi only stared back, still shaken up by whatever had just happened. Then he nervously continued, hesitating to gauge the reaction, "The... the M-Masters..." No response. Gathering up all of his nerve, Taichi asked shakily, "They... W-will they co-come back and... and p-punish us for... for failing...?"
"Failing?" Yamato blinked, looking stunned. Then he shook his head vigorously, "Oh Kami-sama, no! They're not coming back Taichi, ever. You'll never see them again, you shouldn't worry about that. And you haven't failed anything! Fuck, you still don't see, do you?"
Worriedly, Taichi frowned, "Never?"
"Never, ever." Yamato smiled again, reaching up to tousle the soft, chestnut brown hair. "You're safe with us, Taichi, that I can promise you."
"So... so you do l-like me, then?" Taichi asked hopefully, remembering how he was sure that Yamato had started to hate him for being so weak earlier that day. He had even gone so far as to try to ask Yamato about it.
Yamato laughed quietly, "Of course I do, I've never not liked you. You're just too cute to be mad at!"
They both froze as the words left his mouth, staring at each other in shock. Yamato seemed to flush, though it was hard to tell in the dark. Taichi asked, hardly daring to believe it, "You think that... I'm cute?"
Yamato looked as though a revelation had suddenly hit him in the head, a stunned look on his face. Then he smiled as a knowing expression formed, "Yeah..." All Taichi felt was confusion at this, wishing he had a mirror to look into so he could figure out exactly what Yamato meant by 'cute'. As far as he knew, it was a good thing, but then again what did he know? Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted as his mouth widened to let out a huge yawn. Yamato blinked, his smile turning into a small grin, "It's really late, I'm guessing. Or early, depending how you look at it. I think it's time we get back to sleep, if you're okay now."
"Can I... sleep with you?" Taichi asked timidly, not wanting to make the trip back to his room through the dark. Plus, Yamato was so warm, how could he leave that for the cold?
"Yeah, sure." Yamato agreed, looking down at the narrow couch with a doubtful frown. Then he shrugged and lay down, pulling Taichi down with him while tugging up the quilt. "Cozy." The blonde commented drily at the tight squeeze, but Taichi just happily snuggled into the other teen with a contented sigh. Yamato sighed as well, hugging him back. "G'night Taichi..."
"'night 'Mato..." Taichi smiled at this, finally able to stop shivering as the other's body heat seeped into him. He hoped Yamato was right, that the Masters weren't coming back and that he was safe here. Before, he had wanted to go back to where everything was familiar, but now he realized that that would mean he would have to go back to pain, cold and a place without Yamato.
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(A/N) Yay, it didn't end in complete misery this time! Heh. Well,
hope to hear from you all! Thanks for all the reviews, they're really
encouraging ^_^