(A/N) Happy New Years!! Wow, 2003 already... where's the flying cars? And
what better way to start the new year than with another part to my fanfiction?
^_^ Yeah, I thought it was about time too... At least it wasn't quite so
long this time to put up. So, more angst, more kensuke and Yamachi
hints, and more brotherly love! Yay!
State of Mind
"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Part 11: Persistent Past
"I'm home! Anybody here?" Ken yelled out as he kicked off his shoes and headed for his room. His hurried pace came to a halt, however, as his mother called out to him from the kitchen. With an irritated sigh, he turned around and went to greet the short, dark haired woman. "Mama..."
"Don't you 'Mama' me, young man. Where have you been?" She turned to him with a frown, crossing her arms over her chest. "I haven't seen you all day!"
Ken shrugged, snagging a fresh, hot cookie from the pan on that was cooling on the counter, "I went to school and then over to Yamato's apartment. He's waiting out in the van right now, in fact. I just stopped by to grab some stuff and then we're heading out again."
"Ken, honey..." Uh oh, there was that tone again. He knew what it meant and he really did not feel like starting the same old argument up again. "As happy as I am that you have so many friends, I just think that maybe you're spending a little too much time with them. There are more important things that you should be concentrating on right now."
"Mama, we've been over this. I'm not spending too much time with them. My grades are still way above everybody else's, and I've been completing all my chores. Just because you have a problem with Yamato doesn't mean that I should have to stay away from him!" He bit into his cookie with a glare, trying to suppress the old feelings of resentment towards his parents. They always seemed to be on his case for hanging around with his friends, and yet they were never home to keep him company anyway! They were too busy trying to uphold their reputation and reaping the benefits of his genius. That's all they cared about, his talents.
"I don't have a problem with him, it's just that I don't think he's a very good influence," she defended while he stared stonily back at her, "I've heard things about that Ishida boy which I really don't want you getting mixed up in. It's great that you helped him with his... problems... in the past, but he doesn't need you-"
"Doesn't need me?!" Ken snapped, tossing the half eaten cookie back on the counter. He couldn't stand listening to this bullshit any longer, it was the same old thing every time and he hated his mother for trying to force her presumptuous opinions on him, "You have no idea what either of us need! I'm not going to listen to this, I have to go. Yamato, my best friend, is waiting."
The angry bluenette stomped out of the room, ignoring his mother's attempts at ordering him to apologize. The nerve of her! Maybe if she was around more, and paid a little more attention to him instead of his grades and reputation, she'd understand why his friends were so important to him. He needed them, just as much as Yamato had always needed him around. As quickly as possible, feeling the desperate need to escape the apartment and his mother's company, Ken changed out of his school clothes and grabbed the computer disk he'd come home for in the first place. Then he rushed out of his home, stepped into the elevator, and waited for it to bring him to the ground floor. It was then he noticed how much he was shaking, bringing a trembling hand up to face for inspection. Kami, he was a mess. Why did he let his Okaasan's words get to him every time?
Ken was still fighting to calm down by the time he reached the van, hating the prickling feeling of angry tears in his eyes. The moment he slid into the front seat of the van his golden haired friend noticed his mood, "What's the matter, Ken? You're so pale, 'you okay?" He answered with a shake of his head, but remained silent, scared that he'd start screaming if he opened his mouth. Instead he settled for glaring out of the window. Yamato sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot, but knew better than to pry until the other had calmed down somewhat.
They drove in silence for awhile, heading back to the Odaiba area. Even the three boys in the back kept absolutely still, sensing the tense mood, until Daisuke tentatively leaned forward, "Ken...?"
"What?" Ken responded harshly, turning his glare to the other boy. The dark expression on his face and the peevish tone he'd used caused the red-head to shrink back into his seat with a hurt expression.
"Gomen..." Daisuke whispered, fearfully staring down at his lap.
"What?! No, Daisuke, don't be sorry! I didn't... I'm not mad at you, I swear." Desperately, Ken reached around the back of the seat to place a hand on Daisuke's knee. He hadn't meant to scare the younger boy again! Why was he always screwing up this one friendship that he sought so badly? If Daisuke stopped talking to him again, he didn't know what he'd do. The first time had been bad enough... "Please, I'm sorry. It's just... my stupid parents... you don't understand."
The cinnamon brown eyes flickered back up to his face, still expressing fright and uncertainty, then down at the hand resting on his knee, "S'okay, Ken... don't be upset. I know you're not mad at me..." He patted the hand softly while looking back up apologetically.
Ken gave him a small smile, squeezing his knee gently before turning back around. When he was sure that Daisuke couldn't see his face any more, he squeezed his eyes closed and let out a low, quiet growl of frustration. His parents always ruined everything!
"Your mom was there, huh?" Yamato's sudden question startled him out of his thoughts and he turned his head to catch one of the blonde's concerned glances.
"Yeah, she was." He sighed, leaning back against the seat again. "It was the same old thing. I've always wished that they could be more like your dad."
"My dad's hardly home any more than your parents are." Yamato pointed out, staring intently at the road with a frown. "I don't think it'd make much of a difference."
"Yes it would." The bluenette replied, "At least he's more understanding than they are. He actually listens to you and tries to be there for you. They don't care about my feelings, only about my grades and my rep."
Yamato just 'hmm'ed and dropped the subject, unable to deny Ken's perceptions of his parents as he had had the bad luck of meeting them on several occasions. They had never greeted him very warmly, especially after they'd heard about some of his... bad habits.
"Where are we going?" Takeru suddenly broke the depressing silence, "This isn't the way to your apartment, Yamato."
"Huh? Oh... Ken needs to be dropped off at the school to meet Miya and help her with some computer thing. Then I've got to go to band practice. I'll drop you three off with Hikari's parents on the way to that." Yamato told them absently, pulling into the school parking lot. "Well, here you are, Ken. Try to cheer up, ne? You know the depressed look doesn't suit you."
Unable to hold back a smile, Ken just shook his head at his friend and jumped out of the van. "Pick me up after your practice, we should be done by then."
He was just about to close the door and let Yamato continue on his way, when suddenly Daisuke crawled into the front and slipped outside. Both Ken and Yamato stared at him with shock as Daisuke stepped away from the van, "I'm goin' with Ken. Taichi said I could." He stared stubbornly down at the ground as the others only continued to gape at him, his lips pressed tightly together in what almost could be called a pout.
Ken blinked, unsure of what to say to this. He had definitely not been expecting the usually quiet, shy boy to do anything so assertively. Finally Taichi poked his head between the two front seats with a worried frown, "It's okay, isn't it Yamato? He wants to stay with Ken. And then me and Takeru can go with you to your practice thingy."
"I..." Yamato shook his head as if trying to pull himself out of shock, "I guess it's fine. Are you sure though? I don't know how long the practice is going to take and I know you and Daisuke have a thing about separating for too long..."
"No, it's alright. I... I trust Ken and you. If you think Dais will be okay, then..." Taichi trailed off uncertainly, momentarily looking unsure of the situation. He was letting his little brother go off with someone they still didn't know all that well, after all.
Yamato was quick to reassure him though, hastily letting a confident smile show, "Of course he'll be okay, Ken will look after him, won't you Ken?" The bluenette nodded without hesitation and without taking his hopeful eyes away from Daisuke. "Well, then it's settled. Have fun you two. I'll be back later. Get your seat belt back on, Taichi." He waved and gave Ken a knowing wink before slamming the door shut and driving away.
Ken stared after the van for a moment, unable to believe his good luck. Not only was Daisuke speaking to him again, but apparently the boy had gained enough trust in him to feel safe being left alone with him. Well, almost alone, Miyako would be there after all. Finally he turned back to his companion who was now staring at him with those adorably wide, questioning eyes. "Um... Well, I guess we should head in now. Miyako is probably already there."
With a quick nod, Daisuke fell in step beside him, staring curiously at the large school building in front of them. As they neared the doors, the red-head asked hesitantly, as if afraid that he was going to be snapped at again, "Is... what is this place?"
"This is the school that we were telling you guys about. Remember? It's where we come to learn things about... well, about everything. I actually go to one closer to where I live, but Miyako, Iori and the others come here." Ken explained in what he hoped was a friendly tone. The last thing he wanted to do now was scare the boy.
Daisuke did not reply to this, but seemed to tense up as they stepped through the doors. His cinnamon eyes were wide as he stared around while they walked down the empty hallway. The school was practically empty at this time, except for a few teachers and students who stayed to work late, lending a spooky quality to the air. Rows of metal lockers lined the whitewashed walls while the doors that led to the classrooms broke through them every so often. Abruptly Daisuke stopped at one of the doors, staring at it with a wary, fearful expression.
Confused, Ken also stopped and watched, but the other boy didn't move, seeming lost in his own world. "Daisuke? What's the matter?" When Daisuke still remained frozen, the bluenette touched his shoulder lightly, "Daisuke?"
Daisuke flinched away, now staring Ken in the face with a frightened and confused look. He shook his head, glancing at the door once again before taking a step backwards. His breath had quickened, Ken could hear it quite clearly in the silence. "What is it, Daisuke? Is something wrong?"
"Are th-they h-here...?" The other suddenly gasped, crossing his arms defensively over his chest.
"Who?" Ken asked, not liking the look of things one bit. What could have upset Daisuke so quickly? He hadn't been like this when they were still outside... "Who, Daisuke? Tell me!"
"The Masters!" Daisuke looked as if he were about to faint, fighting painfully for air. "The... the d-doors a-and... and... oh Kami... This p-place is... is... Wh-where's 'Chi?!"
Feeling his own fright well up, Ken frantically reached out and grabbed Daisuke, bringing the slightly smaller body against him. The other was shaking badly, but Ken only held on tighter, "Daisuke, they're not here. I swear to you, there are no Masters here. It's just a school, not... You're safe here, I'll keep you safe. Please don't be scared, there's nothing here that's going to hurt you." He whispered continuously in Daisuke's ear, trying to make him listen and praying that his words were having some affect. He would never have dreamed that Daisuke would find the school so comparable to the terrible place he had lived in before. "It's okay... calm down Daisuke... no Masters here..."
It seemed to take forever for Daisuke to finally stop shaking and for his breathing to slow down. He still shuddered slightly and refused to look anywhere but at the floor. Ken sighed, hating himself for agreeing to take the sensitive boy in here with him, but there was nothing else to do other than go on to the computer room now. Slowly he pulled away from Daisuke, relieved when the other made no movement to run away, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Come on, you'll feel better once you sit down. Miya's waiting..."
Daisuke didn't say anything, still appearing a little spaced out, but allowed himself to be led down the hallway again. Still a little in shock, Ken remained silent as well, eager to get to the brightly lit computer room where Daisuke might be able to relax again. He blamed himself for Daisuke's panic, wishing that he had insisted on the red-head staying with Taichi. Why couldn't he ever do anything right?
Miyako was waiting for him when they entered, impatiently tapping her foot and glaring at the clock. Her face softened, however, when she noticed that Daisuke was with Ken. "Hi, Daisuke, I didn't know you were coming too. You're late Ken. You're never late."
He sighed, "Sorry, but we had a little trouble on the way. I've got to get Daisuke settled before we start." Ken led Daisuke over to a chair next to the computer that Miyako had turned on for them to work with. The red-head still refused to speak, staring past Ken's shoulder at something that nobody else could see.
The lavendar-haired girl came up beside Ken, watching Daisuke with a concerned expression, "What's wrong with him? What sort of trouble was it?"
"This place reminded him of... of where they came from. You know? I think it's just the size of the school and all its doors." Ken explained, look up at her. He didn't know what to do now, feeling helpless. Maybe it would be a good idea just to call Yamato's cell and ask him to turn around and grab Daisuke again.
"Oh!" Her eyes widened at this. Then she shook her head and gently moved Ken out of the way, "Here, let me handle this. Daisuke?" Miyako brought her face up until it was directly in Daisuke's line of sight, giving him a huge smile, "Want to play on the computer? I remember you seemed interested in them when Koushiro and Ken mentioned them at the picnic." The young teen blinked at her, seeming to come out of his daydream long enough to look confused over her presence. When he said nothing, only remained staring at her, she continued brightly, "Here, I'll find a great game for you. It'll be fun!"
Miyako turned Daisuke's chair until the boy was facing the computer screen, then rapidly clicked through a bunch of programs until she found something the suited her. Ken watched as Daisuke frowned with concentration while the girl quickly showed him what to do. It was one of those 2D pacmen games that Ken had always found pretty boring himself, but Daisuke seemed to take interest in it right away, even venturing to ask a few questions about the controls and rules. When he finally seemed ready to be left alone with it, the game capturing his undivided attention, Miyako backed away, still smiling victoriously. It didn't take long before Daisuke was grinning excitedly as he pounded at the keys, deeply engrossed with learning how to avoid killing off his character.
"There, that should keep him occupied and take his mind off of things for awhile." Miyako told Ken while proudly polishing her glasses with her shirt. "Now, did you bring a copy of that program you were telling me about?"
"Uh... yeah." Ken watched Daisuke for a few more moments before reluctantly sitting down beside Miyako at the next computer. He couldn't believe how easily Miyako had diverted Daisuke's attention away from the past. If only he could help the other boy like that, but he always seemed to make matters worse somehow. "Here, let's get started then."
As they waited for the program to load, Miyako turned to Ken, "Don't worry so much, Ken. He really likes you, I saw you after the game last weekend with him. It just going to take a lot of time for him and the other two to figure things out, that's all."
He nodded slowly, running a hand through his long, bluish-black hair in an effort to calm his mind. She was right and he knew it. "Yeah... I guess. It's just hard, you know? There's just so much he needs to learn. And I wish I knew how to help him..."
"But you are helping him. I mean look at him! At the picnic, he wouldn't even look anyone in the eye, much less allow himself to be more than a few feet from his two friends. And now he's here, smiling, because of you."
Ken thought about this, then gratefully smiled at his friend, "Thanks, Miya. You're right. I'll try to be more confident about everything."
"Good, now that that's settled, I've got some questions of my own," She grinned evilly, leaning forward in her chair with apparent eagerness, "Is it true that Yamato slept with Taichi?"
=-=-=-=
"Hey Yamato! You never told us that you were bringing an audience! Hello cutey, I'm Sachi, what's your name?"
"What?! Yama brought guys? I didn't know this was going to be one of those practices tonight. I'd have brought some along too!"
"Shut up, both of you. That's my brother you're drooling over, so if you know what's good for you..."
Taichi jumped as the door closed behind him, wishing desperately that he had gone with the original plan and just went home. Instead, he was stuck here with a terrified blonde attached firmly to his arm while they had become the immediate center of attention of three teenagers who he could not remember ever meeting before. Two of these strangers had been only too eager to show Takeru and himself into the unknown apartment, which only served to frighten and confuse him even more. When Yamato had told them he was going to this band practice thing he had neglected to inform them that there were going to be other people involved.
The strangers seemed taken aback by Yamato's comment, but not by the threatening part of it. One of the pair standing in front of Taichi, a teenager of average height dressed in such bright clothes that Taichi was sure he was the only thing lighting up this place, scratched at his neon green hair in astonishment, "Brother? But I thought... Didn't he...?"
"No, obviously he did not." Yamato snapped, still hovering protectively at Takeru's and Taichi's side, "I'll explain later, now's really not a good time."
The third member of the unfamiliar group was still sitting on a sofa in the middle of the living room, peering out at them from under his long, dark bangs. He spoke for the first time since greeting Yamato, "Maybe you should at least introduce us then, seeing that they're apparently going to be hanging around for a time."
"Oh... right. Uh, this is Takeru, my long lost brother," He grinned slightly at this before continuing, "And that's Taichi, Hikari's older brother." This seemed to cause even more bewilderment among the three strangers. "Taichi, Takeru... These are the other three members of the band. Roka, Sachi and Akeno."
Taichi studied the group, carefully matching names to faces for future reference. If these were Yamato's friends, then it would probably be a good idea to remember who they were. Sachi was the one dressed in blinding colors, his vibrantly green hair strewn about in long, disorderly layers. His glaring yellow t-shirt had some foreign words scrawled across the front in bright pink, competing for the most sight shattering glow with the florescent blue of his knee length shorts. He hadn't stopped grinning at them since they entered, making Taichi wary of him. When people wore that expression, it was certain they were up to no good.
Meanwhile, Roka was grinning almost as widely beside Sachi, thankfully dressed in much more reasonable colors. His raven black hair couldn't have reached past his ears, but it was hard to tell with the way it was spiked. Sparkling green eyes swept over Taichi's body in a very unnerving, but familiar fashion. Taichi faintly remembered seeing him just before the soccer game a few days ago.
The last of the trio was Akeno, sitting comfortably on the sofa with his long legs resting on the coffee table. He seemed calmer than the other two and was satisfied with just watching Taichi and Takeru from under his aforementioned veil of ink colored bangs, cool blue eyes twinkling with amusement. Multiple ear piercings caught the light through the chin length hair as he smiled in a friendly manner at the two nervous teens.
All in all, it was a very strange group of friends. Taichi could not understand how Yamato, of all people, could have become associated with them.
"So, are we going to practice, or stand here all day gawking?" Yamato finally asked impatiently when his friends only continued to stare. They immediately started moving at this and Taichi, along with Takeru, was directed to the couch, recently vacated of Akeno. "You two just sit here while we get our instruments set up and enjoy the show. Don't worry, I doubt it will be too long, given the attention span of these guys. The neighbours will probably put an end to it pretty quick anyway." The older blonde gave them a reassuring grin and went over to where the other three were huddled around an unfamiliar set of equipment.
Still not sure what to make of all this, Taichi sighed and pulled Takeru against him, feeling comforted by the familiar presence. He wondered how Daisuke was doing with Ken, hoping desperately that his brother was all right by himself. "What are they going to do?" Takeru broke through his thoughts quietly.
Taichi shrugged, watching curiously as the four teenagers seemed to be arguing over something or other, Yamato waving about a bunch of papers. "I honestly don't know. Guess we'll just have to wait and see. What do you think of his friends?"
"They're... weird. I dunno..." Takeru muttered, frowning a bit. Then he shrugged as well, "I've seen worse."
"Hmm... know what you mean." The brunette answered, thinking of all the men they had met over the previous years. At least this group seemed reasonably nice, if a little eccentric.
They curled up comfortably on the couch, waiting anxiously for the 'show' to start. Taichi recognized some of the equipment as musical instruments, like the guitars, having seen some owned by the Masters and customers in the past. They hadn't long to wait before Yamato finally came to stand in the middle of the room, his friends spreading out behind and beside him with various instruments. Sachi was behind what looked to be some sort of keyboard while Roka grinned excitedly from behind a huge set of drums. Akeno was to the left of Yamato, both of them holding guitars.
Yamato winked at Taichi before closing his eyes in concentration for whatever he was about to do. It wasn't until the music started that Taichi finally realized what was going to happen. He watched, mesmerized, squeezing Takeru's shoulder with anticipation as the slender, blue eyed teen swayed slightly to the music in front of them. Then the brunette lost his breath all together as the first smooth, sweet notes were produced through Yamato's mouth. It was... beautiful... intense... Taichi didn't know how to describe it. The lyrics washed over him in a wave of unidentifiable emotion. All he could do was stare, wide eyed and completely oblivious to anything or anyone other than the stunning golden haired singer before him.
He was hardly aware of the song coming to an end a few minutes later, still completely overwhelmed. It was only when Takeru nudged his side sharply that he blinked out of his dream-like state. "That... that was... amazing." Taichi stuttered, unable to express his feelings over the music, and especially Yamato's voice, accurately enough. "... beautiful, like... like an angel..."
Sachi cracked up from behind Yamato, causing Taichi to duck his head as a blush stole over his cheeks, "Hear that Yama-sama, he thinks you sound like an angel. He doesn't know you all that well yet, does he?"
"Shut your mouth, Sachi." Yamato commanded, smiling brightly at Taichi as he wiped some sweat from his brow. "Thanks Taichi, I'm glad you enjoyed that. All right guys, we still need to go over the last few we're playing next weekend then we can relax."
"Wow, he really is good, isn't he?" Takeru whispered to the still red faced brunette, "You're right, it was beautiful."
"Yeah," Taichi smiled, raising his head again as he waited eagerly for the next song. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing Yamato sing. Something about the way the intriguing, angelic voiced teenager sang and moved just stole Taichi's breath away, making him feel like... like... well, he really did not know how to describe his feelings at the moment. He had never experienced anything like this before, it was so different from anything that he had ever felt with all those other men.
By the time the last note rang out and the band members started putting away their instruments, Taichi was in a state of bliss, unaware of his dreamy smile. He remained unmoving, just replaying the sound of that beautiful voice over and over in his mind, until he was shocked out of his stupor when someone sat down practically in his lap. "So... now that business is over and done with, how's about we get to know each other a little better?" Sachi's teasing grin hovered inches away from Taichi's startled face.
"Wha? I-I..." The gawking brunette had no idea how to respond to this, not having expected such a forward approach. Was he supposed to do something with Sachi? Did Yamato want him too? He certainly didn't, but if Yamato wanted it... "'Mato?" Taichi gulped, staring pleadingly over at the blonde who was glaring at Sachi with a murderous look in his eyes.
"Get the fuck away from him, you have no idea what he's been through," Yamato ground out causing the green haired teen to jump up again with an innocent expression, "He might actually take you seriously. So stop it."
"Alright, alright. Sorry. Don't have a hissy fit, I was only teasing him." Sachi grumbled, plopping down on the other couch to sulk as Roka and Akeno laughed from nearby.
Yamato gave him one last glare before collapsing into a large, comfortable looking orange armchair. "It's okay, Taichi, just ignore him." He reassured the brunette with a smile at the two boys.
Roka spoke up, having packed up the last of the gear, "Do you have to leave yet, Yama? Why don't you stay for a couple of drinks first, or something. You look like you could use a breather before driving home."
The blonde nodded wearily, "Sure Ro', I am kind of thirsty. You want something?" He directed the question at Takeru and Taichi.
Taichi shrugged slightly, looking over at Takeru to see what the other boy wanted. Takeru only stared back without saying anything. Finally Taichi answered, "O-okay..." Were they going to have to get drunk? That worried Taichi, he really did not want that right now, but he was afraid to offend the others. He could still easily remember the few customers who preferred their young 'toys' drugged, enjoying the feeling of complete power over a child who couldn't even think straight. That was something that Taichi had always hated, especially when Daisuke or Takeru were returned to their room in that state. It was so sickening... but there was nothing he could ever do about it.
"Tai..." Takeru squeezed his arm slightly, a concerned look in his large, blue eyes. "You're shaking," he whispered, trying not to let any of the others hear.
Taichi looked back at him, feeling the old protective worries rise up again, "Just... just try not to drink too much, 'k Teeks?"
"'kay... I know." Takeru nodded, suddenly appearing nervous. He seemed as though he was recalling the past as well. It didn't help that there were three strangers in the apartment, two of which obviously had no objections to fooling around with other guys.
Roka stepped back into the room with an arm full of bottles, tossing one each to Sachi and Akeno who were sitting together on the smaller couch. He also stopped in front of Taichi and Takeru to offer them one before Yamato said sharply, "Roka! I meant they could have a soda, or something. You are not giving my little brother booze and that's final."
"Oh." The raven haired boy blinked with realization, "Sorry 'bout that, I didn't think... just a sec." He quickly tossed two bottles over to Yamato before running back to the kitchen. Re-entering a few moments later with two cans of rootbeer. "S'all I have, hope you like it."
Taichi gratefully accepted the pop, relieved that neither he nor Takeru would be forced to drink the alcohol. He couldn't understand why the others would willingly do so in the first place. Takeru, too, let out a quiet sigh of relief.
After handing out the rootbeers, Roka went over to the armchair and comfortably dropped into Yamato's lap, grabbing one of the beers for himself. Taichi stopped in the middle of trying to open his own drink to stare, feeling slightly baffled by this action, but Yamato only looked amused as the other teen relaxed against him. What the hell was going on here? Trying not to gawk, he turned his eyes away from the pair, but was unable to keep himself from listening in when they started talking to one another. He felt Takeru give him a questioning poke but chose to ignore it, too intent on trying to figure out if Yamato and Roka were just behaving in the way friends usually did around here, or if it was something more.
"Everything sounded fine, as far as I could tell. The concert should go off without a hitch," Akeno commented from his corner of the opposite couch, apparently trying to kick the ever persistent Sachi to the other end.
Yamato sighed, resting his chin thoughtfully on Roka's shoulder, "I sure hope so. I know I haven't practised with you guys for awhile..."
"You sounded great, Yama. Don't worry about it. It's obvious you've had a lot on your mind, getting back your brother and all." The black haired teen grinned up at Yamato's face, reaching a hand to pat his friend's head consolingly and Taichi's eyes narrowed slightly as he watched those fingers rake gently through the long, golden strands.
Sachi finally broke off the shoving war on the couch, reluctantly giving the other some more room to spread out across it, and spoke up, "Hey, are you coming to the club with us tonight? You look like you could do with some relaxation time!"
"Uh... well..." Yamato frowned, glancing over at Taichi and Takeru with an indecisive look. The former of the two had unknowingly commenced to glare at Roka, who was currently cuddled up against Yamato with an unconcerned smile. When Taichi finally realized that those questioning blue eyes were resting on him, he started and looked away, trying desperately to keep himself from blushing again. Great, now what will Yamato think, catching him glowering at his friend like that? Besides, it wasn't his place to be upset over someone else getting to be with Yamato like that... "I don't think so, not tonight anyway."
"What? Why not? You hardly ever miss the chance and it's been weeks now!" Roka pouted up at Yamato, "It would be a shame to let your sexy charm go to waste and have some poor, lonely boy's or girl's wish of getting a piece of that sexy Ishida booty go unfulfilled, now wouldn't it? Besides, Sachi's right, you need a fun night out with us."
After another thoughtful moment, Yamato finally sighed regrettably and shook his head, "No, I can't. I'm supposed to pick up Ken and drop the Yagami boys at home. Then there's Takeru... I'm just not in the mood right now. Sorry, maybe next time, guys."
"You're just worried that Ken will find out again and throw another hissy fit over your 'lack of morals and judgement' and shit, aren't you?" Sachi snorted, then he shrugged as he caught Yamato's warning look, "Hey, you know it's true!"
"Sachi..." Akeno kicked the neon colored boy in the shoulder from his sprawled position on the couch, "It's fine Yamato. We understand, it must be a pretty hectic time for you right now. Try to focus on the upcoming concert though, at least."
"You know I will, it's important to me as well," Yamato replied, waving off Roka's offer of another drink, "I've got to get going now, the other's will be waiting. Taichi, Takeru, it's time to go."
Taichi blinked out of the stupor he had just fallen into, still trying to work out the conversation he had just heard. The problem was, he had definitely understood the stuff about the club, 'relaxation' and Ishida booty... But Yamato wasn't like that, was he? The blonde had not given any indication before that he... he... Taichi shook his head vigorously, trying to clear it, and stood up to follow the others to the door. As he walked, he stared at the back of Yamato, seeing the sensational singer in an entirely new light. Yamato... sweet, caring, moody Yamato was really... just like all the other guys he had ever known! It was unbelievable and yet he could not deny what he had just heard.
As they headed back towards the school to pick up Daisuke and Ken, a sick feeling started to twist Taichi's stomach. The thought that Yamato was that sort of guy had not once entered his mind before. Just like all those men who had used the childrens' rented bodies over the years, the golden haired teen just used others to derive temporary pleasure and escape. Taichi knew the type very well. If Yamato was truly like that then... fuck. The brunette leaned back against the seat with a confused sigh, trying desperately to shove down the growing mix of anger, hopelessness, hurt and fear. His head hurt, his heart hurt, and all the while he could not come up with a reasonable explanation as to why he felt this way. It was Yamato's life after all, none of his business or concern... but... but what if Yamato-san tried to use him like that? It scared him, and yet he couldn't do anything against it as it was his only purpose for living in this world. Only... he had hoped that maybe it was a different world outside of the Masters' Home.
At that moment Taichi felt hate for Yamato spring up inside of him. Hate for the way the blonde had promised it would be different from the way it used to be when really it was all the same, only hidden behind a veil of beauty and lies. The fucking, deceitful, golden-voiced Siren... well, Taichi wasn't going to trust anything the other said anymore. He shouldn't have even started trusting him in the first place. The only ones he had ever believed in were Daisuke and Takeru, no one else. The Masters were to be respected and feared, not trusted. That's the way it had always been, no need to change anything now!
But even all of the evoked anger could not wash away the pain and betrayal the boy felt over the discovery that Yamato was not quite all that he had appeared to be.
=-=-=-=
Takeru's eyes snapped open, staring wildly into the darkness that filled the room. His body was covered in sweat, shaking as he gasped, the nightmare still lingering in his mind. It was fading already, the images blurring in his mind until they all blended into one vivid memory of pain. He couldn't remember... just... pain, lots of bloody pain. Oh Kami-sama...
The small, blonde boy curled up into a tight, defensive ball, trying to force himself to forget the pain as well as everything else. Bruises... bones snapping... darkness... blood everywhere... Shit, why couldn't he just forget?! An angry, betraying sob forced its way out of his mouth as he shivered. The worst thing about it all was that he was never able to recall anything specific, just a great amount of agony and distress. The only bits he knew for sure came from Taichi, but the ever caring brunette had obviously left out so much more.
Head pounding in time with his heart, Takeru slowly sat up and opened his eyes again. It was dark in the room and freezing. He shivered again, wiping all tear tracks from his face. There was no way he was going to sleep again tonight, not after that. He just couldn't face it again. The young, quivering teenager quietly stood up and glanced at the sofa where his brother should have been sleeping. Instead the spot was empty, quilts thrown aside onto the floor.
Takeru sighed, wishing that Taichi or Daisuke were around to talk to. It was impossible to explain what was going on inside of him to Yamato, even if the older blonde was his oniisan. Yamato just couldn't understand, he had probably never even experienced real pain before!
Finally, after a few moments of indecisiveness, Takeru crept over to the closet and pulled out a large, warm hoody. Pulling it over his head, he sighed with relief as the thick cloth kept the chilly night air from reaching his skin. It wasn't until he stepped out of the bedroom that he heard the quiet, musical tunes floating through the apartment. He listened in amazement as a low voice sang with the music, feeling a shiver run through him at the eerily depressing sound. Silently he followed the music, entering the living room only to see a tall, slender form perched on the window seat, head bowed over a guitar. Takeru remained silent as he stood in the doorway, letting his presence go unnoticed for the moment. The soothing, yet forlorn melody held him until the last note, cutting straight to his soul as it so resembled the emotions of his own confused mind.
As Yamato finally let out a soft, tired sounding sigh and set his guitar aside, he turned his gaze to the window, letting his forehead rest against the glass. Takeru couldn't help but notice the sad look in his elder brother's eyes as light from the street lamps shone through the window and illuminated the bright, enchanting blue depths. Silence reigned for awhile as Takeru was unsure of whether or not to disturb the other teen.
Finally Takeru took a deep breath and, gathering all of his remaining courage, crept further towards Yamato. It was only when he was close enough to really make out Yamato's face that he noticed the shimmering tears that slowly rolled down those pale cheeks. He came to a stop, staring in wide eyed amazement. Yamato was crying? But why? What did he have to be sad about? "'Niisan?"
His disbelieving whisper startled Yamato as the older boy gasped and jerked around, almost falling off the seat. "Fuck, Takeru, give me a heart attack why don't you?" Yamato grumbled as he gained his balance back and quickly wiped a sleeve across his face in an effort to hide his tears, "What are you doing up? It's so late... Did I wake you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. You should have just told me to shut up..."
Takeru blinked in even more astonishment as his brother continued to babble. Something was seriously wrong here. Even though he still did not know Yamato all that well, he had come to expect the cool, guarded personality that had always been shown before.
Yamato suddenly realized what he was doing and snapped his mouth shut, turning his gaze to the carpet uncomfortably. There was a bit of strained silence after that, until Takeru timidly stepped closer and laid a hand on the other's shoulder, "S'okay... I... I like your songs. B-but that wasn't what... what woke me up."
"Oh, I... gomen." Yamato gave him a small smile before dropping his head into his hands and mumbling, "Go back to sleep... it's late."
Was that an order? Takeru thought about it for a moment, but decided that it had sounded more like a defeated plea. His brother was hurting inside, just like himself. But... why? It didn't make any sense at all. Of course nothing had made sense since the day they had been forced from home, so it really wasn't all that shocking anymore. "I... I don't w-want to."
Startled eyes met his own, but there was no trace of anger at the disobedient words, only shock and disbelief. "You don't?"
Takeru shook his head, feeling a bit braver as he realized that there was going to be no punishment. It was okay to say no here. Nobody was going to punish him for it. No Masters here... Somehow that thought brought on a huge wave of relief. "Why were you... crying?"
"I wasn't crying!" Was the harsh reply, Yamato's voice suddenly sounding hard and angry.
Confused, Takeru pulled away a little. Why was he denying it? It wasn't something to be ashamed of. "Yes you were, I... I saw..."
"No!" Yamato jumped up, glaring at the startled, younger boy, "I wasn't crying. I don't cry! I... I'm not that weak..." His breathing was now loud, coming out in harsh, ragged gasps as though he was trying not to break out into tears again.
This strange behaviour scared Takeru who still did not understand how crying implied weakness. He had never said that Yamato was weak, or that crying was bad... Why was he so offended? All he wanted to do was help. "G-gomen nasai." He bowed his head, afraid that Yamato would lash out at him now if he so much as looked at him. "I... I shouldn't h-have..."
"Oh fucking mother of..." Yamato groaned, banging the wall with his fist as he passed by it in his pacing. "Don't Takeru, please don't. You're right, I was crying like the fucking baby I am. I'm pathetic." He let out a short, self-loathing laugh as he collapsed into the near by armchair, once again cradling his head in his hands. "'not mad at you... I'm just so confused right now. And tired. I just can't sleep... I need a smoke so bad..."
"You smoke?" Takeru asked, latching onto the one thing he did understand. He was starting to feel very concerned about Yamato. This was so unlike the usually stoic teenager who rarely showed this much emotion as far as he had been with him.
Yamato only snorted, shaking his head, "No... I used to, but... and I still want..." He finally gave up and let out another long sigh. Suddenly he seemed to relax slightly, lifting his head once again to give Takeru a sheepish smile, "Don't tell Ken I said that. He'd kill me for sure."
Takeru nodded uncertainly, still wondering what had suddenly brought all of that on. He decided that maybe a change of subject would be good right about now, "Is Masaharu-san here? He could make us some... some of that... that hot stuff." What was it called again? Well whatever it was, it had sure been tasty and helped him to relax the last time. Maybe it could help Yamato too.
Yamato blinked with surprise, then frowned, "No... he's working late again. I doubt he'll be back for another few hours. What hot stuff?"
"Oh." Takeru felt disappointed to hear this, then wondered if Yamato knew how to make it as well. Probably, he was pretty smart after all. "It's a drink and... very yummy. I don't 'member what it's called though... Oh! It had mushmarllows in it!"
"Mush... wha?" Yamato grinned, laughing a little, "You mean marshmallows, I hope. And I bet you're talking about hot chocolate. Not to worry, I can make that easily enough."
Takeru grinned back, feeling relieved over this more optimistic response. He hoped that maybe Yamato would act a bit more normal now and not so frighteningly panicked. Together they headed for the kitchen and Takeru sat down at the counter, watching in awe as the older blonde went about making the hot drink. Yamato seemed so at home in the kitchen, so familiar with everything in it.
Once the hot chocolates were made they sat down across from each other at the table. Takeru gripped his warm mug tightly, staring happily at the small floating, white lumps submerged in the steaming brown liquid. As he sipped it, the hot drink warmed his stomach, relaxing him rapidly. But when he looked up again he realized that Yamato hadn't touched his own drink and was instead staring at him with a blank, dreamy frown. "What's the matter, oniisan?" Takeru asked quietly, startling the other out of his thoughts.
"Nothing." Came the short reply as Yamato immediately turned his eyes to his mug.
Feeling put off by this response, Takeru set down his mug, "Can... can I ask you something?"
"Hm? Sure..." Yamato shrugged, running a finger around the lip of his mug absently. He still seemed so down about something...
Takeru took a deep breath, then asked in straightforwardly, "Why do you always lie?"
This certainly caught the other blonde's attention, blue eyes widening with surprise at the question before narrowing into a suspicious glare, "What makes you think I lie?"
"Well... It's just... It's obvious..." As the dangerous looking eyes hardened further with warning, Takeru quickly amended, "I mean, you... you just said nothing was the... the matter but... I can see something is..." The younger boy gulped slightly, hoping that he hadn't gone too far. This did seem like pretty risky ground to be stepping on...
Yamato only stared at him silently, his expression full of thought. Then he sighed, his face softening as his eyes flickered down to his drink, "When I said nothing was the matter I just meant that it wasn't anything I wanted to talk about. It wasn't really a lie..."
Again Takeru frowned, trying to work this problem out in his mind. Yamato was so confusing. First he was denying his actions and now he just didn't want to talk about them. It was so much more simpler among the kids back at home. If you were feeling sad, you cried, if you were happy, as rare as that was, you smiled. And it always, always helped to talk to one of the few friends they had there if something was wrong. Bottling it up only led to more pain and confusion... Maybe if he somehow explained this to Yamato... but then he didn't want to offend him or anything... "Yamato?"
"Hmm?" The older teen glanced back up at him, but he had a distant look in his eyes. And he still hadn't even taken a sip of his hot chocolate, much to Takeru's dismay.
Takeru took another gulp of his own drink for the warmth he would need to speak so openly to this other boy who's mind worked so differently from his own. He stared down at the table as he spoke quietly, not wishing to upset his brother any further, "I... I think you should talk to Taichi about why you're so sad." There was a surprised noise from Yamato, who was now staring wide eyed at Takeru, but the younger one ignored him and explained, "When me or 'Suke feel bad or... or just need to be comforted, Taichi's always there to talk to. He's really good to talk to, he never tries to argue or take... control, or something. He just listens and gives... gives advice. Tai'd never hurt you, honest."
As he trailed off, he peeked up at Yamato to find the other blonde gaping in open astonishment at him. He decided to remain silent until Yamato finally found his voice again, "You... I don't think I've ever heard you say so much at once before." Takeru only blinked at this strange response, but let the other continue. Yamato gave him a small, shaky smile, "So you think I should talk to Taichi then, huh? I don't think... well, I doubt he'd understand my problems."
Takeru shook his head, "He might! He's really smart and... But you might want to explain to him first that your not like them."
"What do you mean?" Yamato frowned in confusion. "Who's 'them'?"
"Oh..." Should he say anything? Taichi might get mad... but then again, it might help if Yamato actually knew that the brunette was upset. Maybe he could help him in return. "We... we heard you talking to your friends about... about a... club? And... they said some things... But we knew what you were really talking about. Taichi thinks that you're just... just like every other guy we've known. You know... just want to use people for sex. I think that maybe he thinks you're just going to do that to him too." Takeru looked at his brother questioningly. It wasn't really true, was it? He thought maybe they had only been joking, but Taichi had apparently taken it very seriously. Takeru had felt his friend's rage and sense of betrayal as he sat beside him in the van on the way home.
With renewed astonishment, Yamato opened his mouth but nothing came out. Then he groaned, pushed his mug aside, and smacked his head down on the table, "Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! No wonder... Shit!" It took a few moments before the continuous curses finally trailed off and the older blonde seemed to gain some control over himself again. He look up at Takeru sadly, "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Takeru asked with surprise. It wasn't like he had never heard foul language before...
Yamato grimaced and swept a shaking hand through his hair. Finally he reluctantly whispered, "It's true. I... I am a fucking slut. Ask Ken, he'd tell you. But... that was before..." He swallowed, pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. "... not anymore... My band knows... they just like to tease. But it's so true..."
Wide eyed at this confusing confession, Takeru shook his head, clutching his mug to himself, "No you're not!"
Yamato let out a humourless, self-mocking laugh, "And how would you know? You don't know me at all."
"But... but I do know you! Maybe not that well, but enough to know that you... you would never hurt Taichi. I know you wouldn't!" Takeru desperately tried to convey the trust he had in his brother. It was strange, but he actually did trust Yamato. The caring, though unpredictable teenager had never tried to actually cause any harm yet. "I trust you, Yamato."
His brother sat up in shock, "You... you do? But... I..."
"Of course I do. You're... my oniisan. Right?"
"Yeah..." Yamato smiled slightly, though with a hint of sadness. "Not that I'm much of a brother. Gomen, Takeru."
"Why are you sorry?" Takeru asked, wondering why everything always became more complicated when dealing with Yamato. Couldn't they just leave it as it was? There really was no need to take this any further... it wasn't that complex, was it? "I'm sure you're a... a great brother."
Yamato shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "No..." he whispered painfully, "I'm not... it was my fault." Then just as suddenly, his face cleared and he managed a smile again, "But never mind that. My problems are my own to deal with. Are you done drinking your hot chocolate yet? You must be tired by now."
Takeru sighed, quickly gulping down the rest of his cooled drink and stood up. Silently he walked around the table to stand beside Yamato. He wanted to get to know Yamato better, although he didn't know why. It just seemed right to have this intricate Ishida boy as his brother. And 'though he had no idea just what had happened in Yamato's past to make him so full of pain, he felt the need to help out as he much as he was able. His own pain may be impossible to ever forget but he was sure that Yamato could get through anything if only he had some confidence in himself. And who better to inspire hope and confidence then his own Taichi?
With a sad smile, Takeru reached over and gently wrapped his arms around a startled Yamato's shoulders. He buried his face into the soft hair, breathing in the strangely familiar scent. His brother... his Oniisan... That's all he had ever wanted in those dark, painful moments of the past. Someone to look out for him, and someone for him to protect as well. Daisuke may have Taichi, but now he had Yamato. As he pulled away, he smiled again at Yamato, feeling happier than he had in a while, and much more protected from the evil nightmares that had plagued him for so long. Maybe now he could get a good night's sleep. "Promise me something, oniisan?"
"W-what?" Yamato whispered, still staring with wide, disbelieving eyes. As if he couldn't believe that anyone could possibly forgive him for his wrongs.
"Talk to Taichi? Tell him... tell him what you're really like. Explain to him..." Takeru stepped back, suddenly feeling exhausted. It was so different talking freely like this, and yet very satisfying. "Please? I... I don't like to see you hurting."
"But..." With a small sigh, Yamato lowered his eyes and nodded slightly, "Alright. I'll try, for you. Not that he'll want to listen anyway, though."
"Yes he will, I know he will." Takeru insisted, not about to let his brother give up before he even tried. "Taichi's never turned anyone away, ever. Even if he's angry at you he'll... he will listen. He wouldn't be able to do otherwise. Believe me..."
Yamato looked up and nodded again, "Okay, I will. I promise."
"Thank you. Good night, Yamato."
"Good night, TK."
"TK?" Takeru asked with a confused frown. It sounded so... familiar. Like he had heard that before.
Yamato grinned, shaking his head sheepishly, "Gomen... it's what I used to call you, when you were young. It just kind of slipped out."
"Oh." Takeru thought about this for a moment, then smiled back happily, "I like that. I wish I could remember. It's so nice, to know that you used to take care of me." Then the young blonde turned around, walking back to the bedroom, feeling so much lighter then before. As he turned away, he missed the pained look on Yamato's face and the way his older brother curled up in the chair as if protecting himself from the haunting demons of the past.
=-=-=-=
(A/N) Yay, another chapter done! All thanks to these encouraging reviews I keep getting, and the insistant pokes from my cousin and best friend. I should make a new year's resolution to get these things out faster, huh? And there, I put in a brotherly moment. ^_^ Hopefully there'll be more action later on... but we'll just have to wait and see!
Thanks for the reviews! Ja!
State of Mind
"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Part 11: Persistent Past
"I'm home! Anybody here?" Ken yelled out as he kicked off his shoes and headed for his room. His hurried pace came to a halt, however, as his mother called out to him from the kitchen. With an irritated sigh, he turned around and went to greet the short, dark haired woman. "Mama..."
"Don't you 'Mama' me, young man. Where have you been?" She turned to him with a frown, crossing her arms over her chest. "I haven't seen you all day!"
Ken shrugged, snagging a fresh, hot cookie from the pan on that was cooling on the counter, "I went to school and then over to Yamato's apartment. He's waiting out in the van right now, in fact. I just stopped by to grab some stuff and then we're heading out again."
"Ken, honey..." Uh oh, there was that tone again. He knew what it meant and he really did not feel like starting the same old argument up again. "As happy as I am that you have so many friends, I just think that maybe you're spending a little too much time with them. There are more important things that you should be concentrating on right now."
"Mama, we've been over this. I'm not spending too much time with them. My grades are still way above everybody else's, and I've been completing all my chores. Just because you have a problem with Yamato doesn't mean that I should have to stay away from him!" He bit into his cookie with a glare, trying to suppress the old feelings of resentment towards his parents. They always seemed to be on his case for hanging around with his friends, and yet they were never home to keep him company anyway! They were too busy trying to uphold their reputation and reaping the benefits of his genius. That's all they cared about, his talents.
"I don't have a problem with him, it's just that I don't think he's a very good influence," she defended while he stared stonily back at her, "I've heard things about that Ishida boy which I really don't want you getting mixed up in. It's great that you helped him with his... problems... in the past, but he doesn't need you-"
"Doesn't need me?!" Ken snapped, tossing the half eaten cookie back on the counter. He couldn't stand listening to this bullshit any longer, it was the same old thing every time and he hated his mother for trying to force her presumptuous opinions on him, "You have no idea what either of us need! I'm not going to listen to this, I have to go. Yamato, my best friend, is waiting."
The angry bluenette stomped out of the room, ignoring his mother's attempts at ordering him to apologize. The nerve of her! Maybe if she was around more, and paid a little more attention to him instead of his grades and reputation, she'd understand why his friends were so important to him. He needed them, just as much as Yamato had always needed him around. As quickly as possible, feeling the desperate need to escape the apartment and his mother's company, Ken changed out of his school clothes and grabbed the computer disk he'd come home for in the first place. Then he rushed out of his home, stepped into the elevator, and waited for it to bring him to the ground floor. It was then he noticed how much he was shaking, bringing a trembling hand up to face for inspection. Kami, he was a mess. Why did he let his Okaasan's words get to him every time?
Ken was still fighting to calm down by the time he reached the van, hating the prickling feeling of angry tears in his eyes. The moment he slid into the front seat of the van his golden haired friend noticed his mood, "What's the matter, Ken? You're so pale, 'you okay?" He answered with a shake of his head, but remained silent, scared that he'd start screaming if he opened his mouth. Instead he settled for glaring out of the window. Yamato sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot, but knew better than to pry until the other had calmed down somewhat.
They drove in silence for awhile, heading back to the Odaiba area. Even the three boys in the back kept absolutely still, sensing the tense mood, until Daisuke tentatively leaned forward, "Ken...?"
"What?" Ken responded harshly, turning his glare to the other boy. The dark expression on his face and the peevish tone he'd used caused the red-head to shrink back into his seat with a hurt expression.
"Gomen..." Daisuke whispered, fearfully staring down at his lap.
"What?! No, Daisuke, don't be sorry! I didn't... I'm not mad at you, I swear." Desperately, Ken reached around the back of the seat to place a hand on Daisuke's knee. He hadn't meant to scare the younger boy again! Why was he always screwing up this one friendship that he sought so badly? If Daisuke stopped talking to him again, he didn't know what he'd do. The first time had been bad enough... "Please, I'm sorry. It's just... my stupid parents... you don't understand."
The cinnamon brown eyes flickered back up to his face, still expressing fright and uncertainty, then down at the hand resting on his knee, "S'okay, Ken... don't be upset. I know you're not mad at me..." He patted the hand softly while looking back up apologetically.
Ken gave him a small smile, squeezing his knee gently before turning back around. When he was sure that Daisuke couldn't see his face any more, he squeezed his eyes closed and let out a low, quiet growl of frustration. His parents always ruined everything!
"Your mom was there, huh?" Yamato's sudden question startled him out of his thoughts and he turned his head to catch one of the blonde's concerned glances.
"Yeah, she was." He sighed, leaning back against the seat again. "It was the same old thing. I've always wished that they could be more like your dad."
"My dad's hardly home any more than your parents are." Yamato pointed out, staring intently at the road with a frown. "I don't think it'd make much of a difference."
"Yes it would." The bluenette replied, "At least he's more understanding than they are. He actually listens to you and tries to be there for you. They don't care about my feelings, only about my grades and my rep."
Yamato just 'hmm'ed and dropped the subject, unable to deny Ken's perceptions of his parents as he had had the bad luck of meeting them on several occasions. They had never greeted him very warmly, especially after they'd heard about some of his... bad habits.
"Where are we going?" Takeru suddenly broke the depressing silence, "This isn't the way to your apartment, Yamato."
"Huh? Oh... Ken needs to be dropped off at the school to meet Miya and help her with some computer thing. Then I've got to go to band practice. I'll drop you three off with Hikari's parents on the way to that." Yamato told them absently, pulling into the school parking lot. "Well, here you are, Ken. Try to cheer up, ne? You know the depressed look doesn't suit you."
Unable to hold back a smile, Ken just shook his head at his friend and jumped out of the van. "Pick me up after your practice, we should be done by then."
He was just about to close the door and let Yamato continue on his way, when suddenly Daisuke crawled into the front and slipped outside. Both Ken and Yamato stared at him with shock as Daisuke stepped away from the van, "I'm goin' with Ken. Taichi said I could." He stared stubbornly down at the ground as the others only continued to gape at him, his lips pressed tightly together in what almost could be called a pout.
Ken blinked, unsure of what to say to this. He had definitely not been expecting the usually quiet, shy boy to do anything so assertively. Finally Taichi poked his head between the two front seats with a worried frown, "It's okay, isn't it Yamato? He wants to stay with Ken. And then me and Takeru can go with you to your practice thingy."
"I..." Yamato shook his head as if trying to pull himself out of shock, "I guess it's fine. Are you sure though? I don't know how long the practice is going to take and I know you and Daisuke have a thing about separating for too long..."
"No, it's alright. I... I trust Ken and you. If you think Dais will be okay, then..." Taichi trailed off uncertainly, momentarily looking unsure of the situation. He was letting his little brother go off with someone they still didn't know all that well, after all.
Yamato was quick to reassure him though, hastily letting a confident smile show, "Of course he'll be okay, Ken will look after him, won't you Ken?" The bluenette nodded without hesitation and without taking his hopeful eyes away from Daisuke. "Well, then it's settled. Have fun you two. I'll be back later. Get your seat belt back on, Taichi." He waved and gave Ken a knowing wink before slamming the door shut and driving away.
Ken stared after the van for a moment, unable to believe his good luck. Not only was Daisuke speaking to him again, but apparently the boy had gained enough trust in him to feel safe being left alone with him. Well, almost alone, Miyako would be there after all. Finally he turned back to his companion who was now staring at him with those adorably wide, questioning eyes. "Um... Well, I guess we should head in now. Miyako is probably already there."
With a quick nod, Daisuke fell in step beside him, staring curiously at the large school building in front of them. As they neared the doors, the red-head asked hesitantly, as if afraid that he was going to be snapped at again, "Is... what is this place?"
"This is the school that we were telling you guys about. Remember? It's where we come to learn things about... well, about everything. I actually go to one closer to where I live, but Miyako, Iori and the others come here." Ken explained in what he hoped was a friendly tone. The last thing he wanted to do now was scare the boy.
Daisuke did not reply to this, but seemed to tense up as they stepped through the doors. His cinnamon eyes were wide as he stared around while they walked down the empty hallway. The school was practically empty at this time, except for a few teachers and students who stayed to work late, lending a spooky quality to the air. Rows of metal lockers lined the whitewashed walls while the doors that led to the classrooms broke through them every so often. Abruptly Daisuke stopped at one of the doors, staring at it with a wary, fearful expression.
Confused, Ken also stopped and watched, but the other boy didn't move, seeming lost in his own world. "Daisuke? What's the matter?" When Daisuke still remained frozen, the bluenette touched his shoulder lightly, "Daisuke?"
Daisuke flinched away, now staring Ken in the face with a frightened and confused look. He shook his head, glancing at the door once again before taking a step backwards. His breath had quickened, Ken could hear it quite clearly in the silence. "What is it, Daisuke? Is something wrong?"
"Are th-they h-here...?" The other suddenly gasped, crossing his arms defensively over his chest.
"Who?" Ken asked, not liking the look of things one bit. What could have upset Daisuke so quickly? He hadn't been like this when they were still outside... "Who, Daisuke? Tell me!"
"The Masters!" Daisuke looked as if he were about to faint, fighting painfully for air. "The... the d-doors a-and... and... oh Kami... This p-place is... is... Wh-where's 'Chi?!"
Feeling his own fright well up, Ken frantically reached out and grabbed Daisuke, bringing the slightly smaller body against him. The other was shaking badly, but Ken only held on tighter, "Daisuke, they're not here. I swear to you, there are no Masters here. It's just a school, not... You're safe here, I'll keep you safe. Please don't be scared, there's nothing here that's going to hurt you." He whispered continuously in Daisuke's ear, trying to make him listen and praying that his words were having some affect. He would never have dreamed that Daisuke would find the school so comparable to the terrible place he had lived in before. "It's okay... calm down Daisuke... no Masters here..."
It seemed to take forever for Daisuke to finally stop shaking and for his breathing to slow down. He still shuddered slightly and refused to look anywhere but at the floor. Ken sighed, hating himself for agreeing to take the sensitive boy in here with him, but there was nothing else to do other than go on to the computer room now. Slowly he pulled away from Daisuke, relieved when the other made no movement to run away, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Come on, you'll feel better once you sit down. Miya's waiting..."
Daisuke didn't say anything, still appearing a little spaced out, but allowed himself to be led down the hallway again. Still a little in shock, Ken remained silent as well, eager to get to the brightly lit computer room where Daisuke might be able to relax again. He blamed himself for Daisuke's panic, wishing that he had insisted on the red-head staying with Taichi. Why couldn't he ever do anything right?
Miyako was waiting for him when they entered, impatiently tapping her foot and glaring at the clock. Her face softened, however, when she noticed that Daisuke was with Ken. "Hi, Daisuke, I didn't know you were coming too. You're late Ken. You're never late."
He sighed, "Sorry, but we had a little trouble on the way. I've got to get Daisuke settled before we start." Ken led Daisuke over to a chair next to the computer that Miyako had turned on for them to work with. The red-head still refused to speak, staring past Ken's shoulder at something that nobody else could see.
The lavendar-haired girl came up beside Ken, watching Daisuke with a concerned expression, "What's wrong with him? What sort of trouble was it?"
"This place reminded him of... of where they came from. You know? I think it's just the size of the school and all its doors." Ken explained, look up at her. He didn't know what to do now, feeling helpless. Maybe it would be a good idea just to call Yamato's cell and ask him to turn around and grab Daisuke again.
"Oh!" Her eyes widened at this. Then she shook her head and gently moved Ken out of the way, "Here, let me handle this. Daisuke?" Miyako brought her face up until it was directly in Daisuke's line of sight, giving him a huge smile, "Want to play on the computer? I remember you seemed interested in them when Koushiro and Ken mentioned them at the picnic." The young teen blinked at her, seeming to come out of his daydream long enough to look confused over her presence. When he said nothing, only remained staring at her, she continued brightly, "Here, I'll find a great game for you. It'll be fun!"
Miyako turned Daisuke's chair until the boy was facing the computer screen, then rapidly clicked through a bunch of programs until she found something the suited her. Ken watched as Daisuke frowned with concentration while the girl quickly showed him what to do. It was one of those 2D pacmen games that Ken had always found pretty boring himself, but Daisuke seemed to take interest in it right away, even venturing to ask a few questions about the controls and rules. When he finally seemed ready to be left alone with it, the game capturing his undivided attention, Miyako backed away, still smiling victoriously. It didn't take long before Daisuke was grinning excitedly as he pounded at the keys, deeply engrossed with learning how to avoid killing off his character.
"There, that should keep him occupied and take his mind off of things for awhile." Miyako told Ken while proudly polishing her glasses with her shirt. "Now, did you bring a copy of that program you were telling me about?"
"Uh... yeah." Ken watched Daisuke for a few more moments before reluctantly sitting down beside Miyako at the next computer. He couldn't believe how easily Miyako had diverted Daisuke's attention away from the past. If only he could help the other boy like that, but he always seemed to make matters worse somehow. "Here, let's get started then."
As they waited for the program to load, Miyako turned to Ken, "Don't worry so much, Ken. He really likes you, I saw you after the game last weekend with him. It just going to take a lot of time for him and the other two to figure things out, that's all."
He nodded slowly, running a hand through his long, bluish-black hair in an effort to calm his mind. She was right and he knew it. "Yeah... I guess. It's just hard, you know? There's just so much he needs to learn. And I wish I knew how to help him..."
"But you are helping him. I mean look at him! At the picnic, he wouldn't even look anyone in the eye, much less allow himself to be more than a few feet from his two friends. And now he's here, smiling, because of you."
Ken thought about this, then gratefully smiled at his friend, "Thanks, Miya. You're right. I'll try to be more confident about everything."
"Good, now that that's settled, I've got some questions of my own," She grinned evilly, leaning forward in her chair with apparent eagerness, "Is it true that Yamato slept with Taichi?"
=-=-=-=
"Hey Yamato! You never told us that you were bringing an audience! Hello cutey, I'm Sachi, what's your name?"
"What?! Yama brought guys? I didn't know this was going to be one of those practices tonight. I'd have brought some along too!"
"Shut up, both of you. That's my brother you're drooling over, so if you know what's good for you..."
Taichi jumped as the door closed behind him, wishing desperately that he had gone with the original plan and just went home. Instead, he was stuck here with a terrified blonde attached firmly to his arm while they had become the immediate center of attention of three teenagers who he could not remember ever meeting before. Two of these strangers had been only too eager to show Takeru and himself into the unknown apartment, which only served to frighten and confuse him even more. When Yamato had told them he was going to this band practice thing he had neglected to inform them that there were going to be other people involved.
The strangers seemed taken aback by Yamato's comment, but not by the threatening part of it. One of the pair standing in front of Taichi, a teenager of average height dressed in such bright clothes that Taichi was sure he was the only thing lighting up this place, scratched at his neon green hair in astonishment, "Brother? But I thought... Didn't he...?"
"No, obviously he did not." Yamato snapped, still hovering protectively at Takeru's and Taichi's side, "I'll explain later, now's really not a good time."
The third member of the unfamiliar group was still sitting on a sofa in the middle of the living room, peering out at them from under his long, dark bangs. He spoke for the first time since greeting Yamato, "Maybe you should at least introduce us then, seeing that they're apparently going to be hanging around for a time."
"Oh... right. Uh, this is Takeru, my long lost brother," He grinned slightly at this before continuing, "And that's Taichi, Hikari's older brother." This seemed to cause even more bewilderment among the three strangers. "Taichi, Takeru... These are the other three members of the band. Roka, Sachi and Akeno."
Taichi studied the group, carefully matching names to faces for future reference. If these were Yamato's friends, then it would probably be a good idea to remember who they were. Sachi was the one dressed in blinding colors, his vibrantly green hair strewn about in long, disorderly layers. His glaring yellow t-shirt had some foreign words scrawled across the front in bright pink, competing for the most sight shattering glow with the florescent blue of his knee length shorts. He hadn't stopped grinning at them since they entered, making Taichi wary of him. When people wore that expression, it was certain they were up to no good.
Meanwhile, Roka was grinning almost as widely beside Sachi, thankfully dressed in much more reasonable colors. His raven black hair couldn't have reached past his ears, but it was hard to tell with the way it was spiked. Sparkling green eyes swept over Taichi's body in a very unnerving, but familiar fashion. Taichi faintly remembered seeing him just before the soccer game a few days ago.
The last of the trio was Akeno, sitting comfortably on the sofa with his long legs resting on the coffee table. He seemed calmer than the other two and was satisfied with just watching Taichi and Takeru from under his aforementioned veil of ink colored bangs, cool blue eyes twinkling with amusement. Multiple ear piercings caught the light through the chin length hair as he smiled in a friendly manner at the two nervous teens.
All in all, it was a very strange group of friends. Taichi could not understand how Yamato, of all people, could have become associated with them.
"So, are we going to practice, or stand here all day gawking?" Yamato finally asked impatiently when his friends only continued to stare. They immediately started moving at this and Taichi, along with Takeru, was directed to the couch, recently vacated of Akeno. "You two just sit here while we get our instruments set up and enjoy the show. Don't worry, I doubt it will be too long, given the attention span of these guys. The neighbours will probably put an end to it pretty quick anyway." The older blonde gave them a reassuring grin and went over to where the other three were huddled around an unfamiliar set of equipment.
Still not sure what to make of all this, Taichi sighed and pulled Takeru against him, feeling comforted by the familiar presence. He wondered how Daisuke was doing with Ken, hoping desperately that his brother was all right by himself. "What are they going to do?" Takeru broke through his thoughts quietly.
Taichi shrugged, watching curiously as the four teenagers seemed to be arguing over something or other, Yamato waving about a bunch of papers. "I honestly don't know. Guess we'll just have to wait and see. What do you think of his friends?"
"They're... weird. I dunno..." Takeru muttered, frowning a bit. Then he shrugged as well, "I've seen worse."
"Hmm... know what you mean." The brunette answered, thinking of all the men they had met over the previous years. At least this group seemed reasonably nice, if a little eccentric.
They curled up comfortably on the couch, waiting anxiously for the 'show' to start. Taichi recognized some of the equipment as musical instruments, like the guitars, having seen some owned by the Masters and customers in the past. They hadn't long to wait before Yamato finally came to stand in the middle of the room, his friends spreading out behind and beside him with various instruments. Sachi was behind what looked to be some sort of keyboard while Roka grinned excitedly from behind a huge set of drums. Akeno was to the left of Yamato, both of them holding guitars.
Yamato winked at Taichi before closing his eyes in concentration for whatever he was about to do. It wasn't until the music started that Taichi finally realized what was going to happen. He watched, mesmerized, squeezing Takeru's shoulder with anticipation as the slender, blue eyed teen swayed slightly to the music in front of them. Then the brunette lost his breath all together as the first smooth, sweet notes were produced through Yamato's mouth. It was... beautiful... intense... Taichi didn't know how to describe it. The lyrics washed over him in a wave of unidentifiable emotion. All he could do was stare, wide eyed and completely oblivious to anything or anyone other than the stunning golden haired singer before him.
He was hardly aware of the song coming to an end a few minutes later, still completely overwhelmed. It was only when Takeru nudged his side sharply that he blinked out of his dream-like state. "That... that was... amazing." Taichi stuttered, unable to express his feelings over the music, and especially Yamato's voice, accurately enough. "... beautiful, like... like an angel..."
Sachi cracked up from behind Yamato, causing Taichi to duck his head as a blush stole over his cheeks, "Hear that Yama-sama, he thinks you sound like an angel. He doesn't know you all that well yet, does he?"
"Shut your mouth, Sachi." Yamato commanded, smiling brightly at Taichi as he wiped some sweat from his brow. "Thanks Taichi, I'm glad you enjoyed that. All right guys, we still need to go over the last few we're playing next weekend then we can relax."
"Wow, he really is good, isn't he?" Takeru whispered to the still red faced brunette, "You're right, it was beautiful."
"Yeah," Taichi smiled, raising his head again as he waited eagerly for the next song. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing Yamato sing. Something about the way the intriguing, angelic voiced teenager sang and moved just stole Taichi's breath away, making him feel like... like... well, he really did not know how to describe his feelings at the moment. He had never experienced anything like this before, it was so different from anything that he had ever felt with all those other men.
By the time the last note rang out and the band members started putting away their instruments, Taichi was in a state of bliss, unaware of his dreamy smile. He remained unmoving, just replaying the sound of that beautiful voice over and over in his mind, until he was shocked out of his stupor when someone sat down practically in his lap. "So... now that business is over and done with, how's about we get to know each other a little better?" Sachi's teasing grin hovered inches away from Taichi's startled face.
"Wha? I-I..." The gawking brunette had no idea how to respond to this, not having expected such a forward approach. Was he supposed to do something with Sachi? Did Yamato want him too? He certainly didn't, but if Yamato wanted it... "'Mato?" Taichi gulped, staring pleadingly over at the blonde who was glaring at Sachi with a murderous look in his eyes.
"Get the fuck away from him, you have no idea what he's been through," Yamato ground out causing the green haired teen to jump up again with an innocent expression, "He might actually take you seriously. So stop it."
"Alright, alright. Sorry. Don't have a hissy fit, I was only teasing him." Sachi grumbled, plopping down on the other couch to sulk as Roka and Akeno laughed from nearby.
Yamato gave him one last glare before collapsing into a large, comfortable looking orange armchair. "It's okay, Taichi, just ignore him." He reassured the brunette with a smile at the two boys.
Roka spoke up, having packed up the last of the gear, "Do you have to leave yet, Yama? Why don't you stay for a couple of drinks first, or something. You look like you could use a breather before driving home."
The blonde nodded wearily, "Sure Ro', I am kind of thirsty. You want something?" He directed the question at Takeru and Taichi.
Taichi shrugged slightly, looking over at Takeru to see what the other boy wanted. Takeru only stared back without saying anything. Finally Taichi answered, "O-okay..." Were they going to have to get drunk? That worried Taichi, he really did not want that right now, but he was afraid to offend the others. He could still easily remember the few customers who preferred their young 'toys' drugged, enjoying the feeling of complete power over a child who couldn't even think straight. That was something that Taichi had always hated, especially when Daisuke or Takeru were returned to their room in that state. It was so sickening... but there was nothing he could ever do about it.
"Tai..." Takeru squeezed his arm slightly, a concerned look in his large, blue eyes. "You're shaking," he whispered, trying not to let any of the others hear.
Taichi looked back at him, feeling the old protective worries rise up again, "Just... just try not to drink too much, 'k Teeks?"
"'kay... I know." Takeru nodded, suddenly appearing nervous. He seemed as though he was recalling the past as well. It didn't help that there were three strangers in the apartment, two of which obviously had no objections to fooling around with other guys.
Roka stepped back into the room with an arm full of bottles, tossing one each to Sachi and Akeno who were sitting together on the smaller couch. He also stopped in front of Taichi and Takeru to offer them one before Yamato said sharply, "Roka! I meant they could have a soda, or something. You are not giving my little brother booze and that's final."
"Oh." The raven haired boy blinked with realization, "Sorry 'bout that, I didn't think... just a sec." He quickly tossed two bottles over to Yamato before running back to the kitchen. Re-entering a few moments later with two cans of rootbeer. "S'all I have, hope you like it."
Taichi gratefully accepted the pop, relieved that neither he nor Takeru would be forced to drink the alcohol. He couldn't understand why the others would willingly do so in the first place. Takeru, too, let out a quiet sigh of relief.
After handing out the rootbeers, Roka went over to the armchair and comfortably dropped into Yamato's lap, grabbing one of the beers for himself. Taichi stopped in the middle of trying to open his own drink to stare, feeling slightly baffled by this action, but Yamato only looked amused as the other teen relaxed against him. What the hell was going on here? Trying not to gawk, he turned his eyes away from the pair, but was unable to keep himself from listening in when they started talking to one another. He felt Takeru give him a questioning poke but chose to ignore it, too intent on trying to figure out if Yamato and Roka were just behaving in the way friends usually did around here, or if it was something more.
"Everything sounded fine, as far as I could tell. The concert should go off without a hitch," Akeno commented from his corner of the opposite couch, apparently trying to kick the ever persistent Sachi to the other end.
Yamato sighed, resting his chin thoughtfully on Roka's shoulder, "I sure hope so. I know I haven't practised with you guys for awhile..."
"You sounded great, Yama. Don't worry about it. It's obvious you've had a lot on your mind, getting back your brother and all." The black haired teen grinned up at Yamato's face, reaching a hand to pat his friend's head consolingly and Taichi's eyes narrowed slightly as he watched those fingers rake gently through the long, golden strands.
Sachi finally broke off the shoving war on the couch, reluctantly giving the other some more room to spread out across it, and spoke up, "Hey, are you coming to the club with us tonight? You look like you could do with some relaxation time!"
"Uh... well..." Yamato frowned, glancing over at Taichi and Takeru with an indecisive look. The former of the two had unknowingly commenced to glare at Roka, who was currently cuddled up against Yamato with an unconcerned smile. When Taichi finally realized that those questioning blue eyes were resting on him, he started and looked away, trying desperately to keep himself from blushing again. Great, now what will Yamato think, catching him glowering at his friend like that? Besides, it wasn't his place to be upset over someone else getting to be with Yamato like that... "I don't think so, not tonight anyway."
"What? Why not? You hardly ever miss the chance and it's been weeks now!" Roka pouted up at Yamato, "It would be a shame to let your sexy charm go to waste and have some poor, lonely boy's or girl's wish of getting a piece of that sexy Ishida booty go unfulfilled, now wouldn't it? Besides, Sachi's right, you need a fun night out with us."
After another thoughtful moment, Yamato finally sighed regrettably and shook his head, "No, I can't. I'm supposed to pick up Ken and drop the Yagami boys at home. Then there's Takeru... I'm just not in the mood right now. Sorry, maybe next time, guys."
"You're just worried that Ken will find out again and throw another hissy fit over your 'lack of morals and judgement' and shit, aren't you?" Sachi snorted, then he shrugged as he caught Yamato's warning look, "Hey, you know it's true!"
"Sachi..." Akeno kicked the neon colored boy in the shoulder from his sprawled position on the couch, "It's fine Yamato. We understand, it must be a pretty hectic time for you right now. Try to focus on the upcoming concert though, at least."
"You know I will, it's important to me as well," Yamato replied, waving off Roka's offer of another drink, "I've got to get going now, the other's will be waiting. Taichi, Takeru, it's time to go."
Taichi blinked out of the stupor he had just fallen into, still trying to work out the conversation he had just heard. The problem was, he had definitely understood the stuff about the club, 'relaxation' and Ishida booty... But Yamato wasn't like that, was he? The blonde had not given any indication before that he... he... Taichi shook his head vigorously, trying to clear it, and stood up to follow the others to the door. As he walked, he stared at the back of Yamato, seeing the sensational singer in an entirely new light. Yamato... sweet, caring, moody Yamato was really... just like all the other guys he had ever known! It was unbelievable and yet he could not deny what he had just heard.
As they headed back towards the school to pick up Daisuke and Ken, a sick feeling started to twist Taichi's stomach. The thought that Yamato was that sort of guy had not once entered his mind before. Just like all those men who had used the childrens' rented bodies over the years, the golden haired teen just used others to derive temporary pleasure and escape. Taichi knew the type very well. If Yamato was truly like that then... fuck. The brunette leaned back against the seat with a confused sigh, trying desperately to shove down the growing mix of anger, hopelessness, hurt and fear. His head hurt, his heart hurt, and all the while he could not come up with a reasonable explanation as to why he felt this way. It was Yamato's life after all, none of his business or concern... but... but what if Yamato-san tried to use him like that? It scared him, and yet he couldn't do anything against it as it was his only purpose for living in this world. Only... he had hoped that maybe it was a different world outside of the Masters' Home.
At that moment Taichi felt hate for Yamato spring up inside of him. Hate for the way the blonde had promised it would be different from the way it used to be when really it was all the same, only hidden behind a veil of beauty and lies. The fucking, deceitful, golden-voiced Siren... well, Taichi wasn't going to trust anything the other said anymore. He shouldn't have even started trusting him in the first place. The only ones he had ever believed in were Daisuke and Takeru, no one else. The Masters were to be respected and feared, not trusted. That's the way it had always been, no need to change anything now!
But even all of the evoked anger could not wash away the pain and betrayal the boy felt over the discovery that Yamato was not quite all that he had appeared to be.
=-=-=-=
Takeru's eyes snapped open, staring wildly into the darkness that filled the room. His body was covered in sweat, shaking as he gasped, the nightmare still lingering in his mind. It was fading already, the images blurring in his mind until they all blended into one vivid memory of pain. He couldn't remember... just... pain, lots of bloody pain. Oh Kami-sama...
The small, blonde boy curled up into a tight, defensive ball, trying to force himself to forget the pain as well as everything else. Bruises... bones snapping... darkness... blood everywhere... Shit, why couldn't he just forget?! An angry, betraying sob forced its way out of his mouth as he shivered. The worst thing about it all was that he was never able to recall anything specific, just a great amount of agony and distress. The only bits he knew for sure came from Taichi, but the ever caring brunette had obviously left out so much more.
Head pounding in time with his heart, Takeru slowly sat up and opened his eyes again. It was dark in the room and freezing. He shivered again, wiping all tear tracks from his face. There was no way he was going to sleep again tonight, not after that. He just couldn't face it again. The young, quivering teenager quietly stood up and glanced at the sofa where his brother should have been sleeping. Instead the spot was empty, quilts thrown aside onto the floor.
Takeru sighed, wishing that Taichi or Daisuke were around to talk to. It was impossible to explain what was going on inside of him to Yamato, even if the older blonde was his oniisan. Yamato just couldn't understand, he had probably never even experienced real pain before!
Finally, after a few moments of indecisiveness, Takeru crept over to the closet and pulled out a large, warm hoody. Pulling it over his head, he sighed with relief as the thick cloth kept the chilly night air from reaching his skin. It wasn't until he stepped out of the bedroom that he heard the quiet, musical tunes floating through the apartment. He listened in amazement as a low voice sang with the music, feeling a shiver run through him at the eerily depressing sound. Silently he followed the music, entering the living room only to see a tall, slender form perched on the window seat, head bowed over a guitar. Takeru remained silent as he stood in the doorway, letting his presence go unnoticed for the moment. The soothing, yet forlorn melody held him until the last note, cutting straight to his soul as it so resembled the emotions of his own confused mind.
As Yamato finally let out a soft, tired sounding sigh and set his guitar aside, he turned his gaze to the window, letting his forehead rest against the glass. Takeru couldn't help but notice the sad look in his elder brother's eyes as light from the street lamps shone through the window and illuminated the bright, enchanting blue depths. Silence reigned for awhile as Takeru was unsure of whether or not to disturb the other teen.
Finally Takeru took a deep breath and, gathering all of his remaining courage, crept further towards Yamato. It was only when he was close enough to really make out Yamato's face that he noticed the shimmering tears that slowly rolled down those pale cheeks. He came to a stop, staring in wide eyed amazement. Yamato was crying? But why? What did he have to be sad about? "'Niisan?"
His disbelieving whisper startled Yamato as the older boy gasped and jerked around, almost falling off the seat. "Fuck, Takeru, give me a heart attack why don't you?" Yamato grumbled as he gained his balance back and quickly wiped a sleeve across his face in an effort to hide his tears, "What are you doing up? It's so late... Did I wake you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. You should have just told me to shut up..."
Takeru blinked in even more astonishment as his brother continued to babble. Something was seriously wrong here. Even though he still did not know Yamato all that well, he had come to expect the cool, guarded personality that had always been shown before.
Yamato suddenly realized what he was doing and snapped his mouth shut, turning his gaze to the carpet uncomfortably. There was a bit of strained silence after that, until Takeru timidly stepped closer and laid a hand on the other's shoulder, "S'okay... I... I like your songs. B-but that wasn't what... what woke me up."
"Oh, I... gomen." Yamato gave him a small smile before dropping his head into his hands and mumbling, "Go back to sleep... it's late."
Was that an order? Takeru thought about it for a moment, but decided that it had sounded more like a defeated plea. His brother was hurting inside, just like himself. But... why? It didn't make any sense at all. Of course nothing had made sense since the day they had been forced from home, so it really wasn't all that shocking anymore. "I... I don't w-want to."
Startled eyes met his own, but there was no trace of anger at the disobedient words, only shock and disbelief. "You don't?"
Takeru shook his head, feeling a bit braver as he realized that there was going to be no punishment. It was okay to say no here. Nobody was going to punish him for it. No Masters here... Somehow that thought brought on a huge wave of relief. "Why were you... crying?"
"I wasn't crying!" Was the harsh reply, Yamato's voice suddenly sounding hard and angry.
Confused, Takeru pulled away a little. Why was he denying it? It wasn't something to be ashamed of. "Yes you were, I... I saw..."
"No!" Yamato jumped up, glaring at the startled, younger boy, "I wasn't crying. I don't cry! I... I'm not that weak..." His breathing was now loud, coming out in harsh, ragged gasps as though he was trying not to break out into tears again.
This strange behaviour scared Takeru who still did not understand how crying implied weakness. He had never said that Yamato was weak, or that crying was bad... Why was he so offended? All he wanted to do was help. "G-gomen nasai." He bowed his head, afraid that Yamato would lash out at him now if he so much as looked at him. "I... I shouldn't h-have..."
"Oh fucking mother of..." Yamato groaned, banging the wall with his fist as he passed by it in his pacing. "Don't Takeru, please don't. You're right, I was crying like the fucking baby I am. I'm pathetic." He let out a short, self-loathing laugh as he collapsed into the near by armchair, once again cradling his head in his hands. "'not mad at you... I'm just so confused right now. And tired. I just can't sleep... I need a smoke so bad..."
"You smoke?" Takeru asked, latching onto the one thing he did understand. He was starting to feel very concerned about Yamato. This was so unlike the usually stoic teenager who rarely showed this much emotion as far as he had been with him.
Yamato only snorted, shaking his head, "No... I used to, but... and I still want..." He finally gave up and let out another long sigh. Suddenly he seemed to relax slightly, lifting his head once again to give Takeru a sheepish smile, "Don't tell Ken I said that. He'd kill me for sure."
Takeru nodded uncertainly, still wondering what had suddenly brought all of that on. He decided that maybe a change of subject would be good right about now, "Is Masaharu-san here? He could make us some... some of that... that hot stuff." What was it called again? Well whatever it was, it had sure been tasty and helped him to relax the last time. Maybe it could help Yamato too.
Yamato blinked with surprise, then frowned, "No... he's working late again. I doubt he'll be back for another few hours. What hot stuff?"
"Oh." Takeru felt disappointed to hear this, then wondered if Yamato knew how to make it as well. Probably, he was pretty smart after all. "It's a drink and... very yummy. I don't 'member what it's called though... Oh! It had mushmarllows in it!"
"Mush... wha?" Yamato grinned, laughing a little, "You mean marshmallows, I hope. And I bet you're talking about hot chocolate. Not to worry, I can make that easily enough."
Takeru grinned back, feeling relieved over this more optimistic response. He hoped that maybe Yamato would act a bit more normal now and not so frighteningly panicked. Together they headed for the kitchen and Takeru sat down at the counter, watching in awe as the older blonde went about making the hot drink. Yamato seemed so at home in the kitchen, so familiar with everything in it.
Once the hot chocolates were made they sat down across from each other at the table. Takeru gripped his warm mug tightly, staring happily at the small floating, white lumps submerged in the steaming brown liquid. As he sipped it, the hot drink warmed his stomach, relaxing him rapidly. But when he looked up again he realized that Yamato hadn't touched his own drink and was instead staring at him with a blank, dreamy frown. "What's the matter, oniisan?" Takeru asked quietly, startling the other out of his thoughts.
"Nothing." Came the short reply as Yamato immediately turned his eyes to his mug.
Feeling put off by this response, Takeru set down his mug, "Can... can I ask you something?"
"Hm? Sure..." Yamato shrugged, running a finger around the lip of his mug absently. He still seemed so down about something...
Takeru took a deep breath, then asked in straightforwardly, "Why do you always lie?"
This certainly caught the other blonde's attention, blue eyes widening with surprise at the question before narrowing into a suspicious glare, "What makes you think I lie?"
"Well... It's just... It's obvious..." As the dangerous looking eyes hardened further with warning, Takeru quickly amended, "I mean, you... you just said nothing was the... the matter but... I can see something is..." The younger boy gulped slightly, hoping that he hadn't gone too far. This did seem like pretty risky ground to be stepping on...
Yamato only stared at him silently, his expression full of thought. Then he sighed, his face softening as his eyes flickered down to his drink, "When I said nothing was the matter I just meant that it wasn't anything I wanted to talk about. It wasn't really a lie..."
Again Takeru frowned, trying to work this problem out in his mind. Yamato was so confusing. First he was denying his actions and now he just didn't want to talk about them. It was so much more simpler among the kids back at home. If you were feeling sad, you cried, if you were happy, as rare as that was, you smiled. And it always, always helped to talk to one of the few friends they had there if something was wrong. Bottling it up only led to more pain and confusion... Maybe if he somehow explained this to Yamato... but then he didn't want to offend him or anything... "Yamato?"
"Hmm?" The older teen glanced back up at him, but he had a distant look in his eyes. And he still hadn't even taken a sip of his hot chocolate, much to Takeru's dismay.
Takeru took another gulp of his own drink for the warmth he would need to speak so openly to this other boy who's mind worked so differently from his own. He stared down at the table as he spoke quietly, not wishing to upset his brother any further, "I... I think you should talk to Taichi about why you're so sad." There was a surprised noise from Yamato, who was now staring wide eyed at Takeru, but the younger one ignored him and explained, "When me or 'Suke feel bad or... or just need to be comforted, Taichi's always there to talk to. He's really good to talk to, he never tries to argue or take... control, or something. He just listens and gives... gives advice. Tai'd never hurt you, honest."
As he trailed off, he peeked up at Yamato to find the other blonde gaping in open astonishment at him. He decided to remain silent until Yamato finally found his voice again, "You... I don't think I've ever heard you say so much at once before." Takeru only blinked at this strange response, but let the other continue. Yamato gave him a small, shaky smile, "So you think I should talk to Taichi then, huh? I don't think... well, I doubt he'd understand my problems."
Takeru shook his head, "He might! He's really smart and... But you might want to explain to him first that your not like them."
"What do you mean?" Yamato frowned in confusion. "Who's 'them'?"
"Oh..." Should he say anything? Taichi might get mad... but then again, it might help if Yamato actually knew that the brunette was upset. Maybe he could help him in return. "We... we heard you talking to your friends about... about a... club? And... they said some things... But we knew what you were really talking about. Taichi thinks that you're just... just like every other guy we've known. You know... just want to use people for sex. I think that maybe he thinks you're just going to do that to him too." Takeru looked at his brother questioningly. It wasn't really true, was it? He thought maybe they had only been joking, but Taichi had apparently taken it very seriously. Takeru had felt his friend's rage and sense of betrayal as he sat beside him in the van on the way home.
With renewed astonishment, Yamato opened his mouth but nothing came out. Then he groaned, pushed his mug aside, and smacked his head down on the table, "Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! No wonder... Shit!" It took a few moments before the continuous curses finally trailed off and the older blonde seemed to gain some control over himself again. He look up at Takeru sadly, "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Takeru asked with surprise. It wasn't like he had never heard foul language before...
Yamato grimaced and swept a shaking hand through his hair. Finally he reluctantly whispered, "It's true. I... I am a fucking slut. Ask Ken, he'd tell you. But... that was before..." He swallowed, pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. "... not anymore... My band knows... they just like to tease. But it's so true..."
Wide eyed at this confusing confession, Takeru shook his head, clutching his mug to himself, "No you're not!"
Yamato let out a humourless, self-mocking laugh, "And how would you know? You don't know me at all."
"But... but I do know you! Maybe not that well, but enough to know that you... you would never hurt Taichi. I know you wouldn't!" Takeru desperately tried to convey the trust he had in his brother. It was strange, but he actually did trust Yamato. The caring, though unpredictable teenager had never tried to actually cause any harm yet. "I trust you, Yamato."
His brother sat up in shock, "You... you do? But... I..."
"Of course I do. You're... my oniisan. Right?"
"Yeah..." Yamato smiled slightly, though with a hint of sadness. "Not that I'm much of a brother. Gomen, Takeru."
"Why are you sorry?" Takeru asked, wondering why everything always became more complicated when dealing with Yamato. Couldn't they just leave it as it was? There really was no need to take this any further... it wasn't that complex, was it? "I'm sure you're a... a great brother."
Yamato shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "No..." he whispered painfully, "I'm not... it was my fault." Then just as suddenly, his face cleared and he managed a smile again, "But never mind that. My problems are my own to deal with. Are you done drinking your hot chocolate yet? You must be tired by now."
Takeru sighed, quickly gulping down the rest of his cooled drink and stood up. Silently he walked around the table to stand beside Yamato. He wanted to get to know Yamato better, although he didn't know why. It just seemed right to have this intricate Ishida boy as his brother. And 'though he had no idea just what had happened in Yamato's past to make him so full of pain, he felt the need to help out as he much as he was able. His own pain may be impossible to ever forget but he was sure that Yamato could get through anything if only he had some confidence in himself. And who better to inspire hope and confidence then his own Taichi?
With a sad smile, Takeru reached over and gently wrapped his arms around a startled Yamato's shoulders. He buried his face into the soft hair, breathing in the strangely familiar scent. His brother... his Oniisan... That's all he had ever wanted in those dark, painful moments of the past. Someone to look out for him, and someone for him to protect as well. Daisuke may have Taichi, but now he had Yamato. As he pulled away, he smiled again at Yamato, feeling happier than he had in a while, and much more protected from the evil nightmares that had plagued him for so long. Maybe now he could get a good night's sleep. "Promise me something, oniisan?"
"W-what?" Yamato whispered, still staring with wide, disbelieving eyes. As if he couldn't believe that anyone could possibly forgive him for his wrongs.
"Talk to Taichi? Tell him... tell him what you're really like. Explain to him..." Takeru stepped back, suddenly feeling exhausted. It was so different talking freely like this, and yet very satisfying. "Please? I... I don't like to see you hurting."
"But..." With a small sigh, Yamato lowered his eyes and nodded slightly, "Alright. I'll try, for you. Not that he'll want to listen anyway, though."
"Yes he will, I know he will." Takeru insisted, not about to let his brother give up before he even tried. "Taichi's never turned anyone away, ever. Even if he's angry at you he'll... he will listen. He wouldn't be able to do otherwise. Believe me..."
Yamato looked up and nodded again, "Okay, I will. I promise."
"Thank you. Good night, Yamato."
"Good night, TK."
"TK?" Takeru asked with a confused frown. It sounded so... familiar. Like he had heard that before.
Yamato grinned, shaking his head sheepishly, "Gomen... it's what I used to call you, when you were young. It just kind of slipped out."
"Oh." Takeru thought about this for a moment, then smiled back happily, "I like that. I wish I could remember. It's so nice, to know that you used to take care of me." Then the young blonde turned around, walking back to the bedroom, feeling so much lighter then before. As he turned away, he missed the pained look on Yamato's face and the way his older brother curled up in the chair as if protecting himself from the haunting demons of the past.
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(A/N) Yay, another chapter done! All thanks to these encouraging reviews I keep getting, and the insistant pokes from my cousin and best friend. I should make a new year's resolution to get these things out faster, huh? And there, I put in a brotherly moment. ^_^ Hopefully there'll be more action later on... but we'll just have to wait and see!
Thanks for the reviews! Ja!