(A/N) Thank you for all of the reviews! Makes me feel so ashamed for not getting this next part up until now... I just lost my writing mood for awhile, but I think it's coming back now. Another reason it took so long to get up was because I wasn't entirely happy about this chapter, but... I decided I wasn't going to get anything better typed up so hopefully it's good enough for all you readers out there. ^_^ It mostly focusses on Taichi and Yamato, not much Kensuke or anything. There's a bit more reference to Jyou x Koushiro too. Not much else to say... some cursing and stuff... yeah.

State of Mind

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

Part 12: Misgivings

*"Game Over"*

"Aw man! Not again! I just about had it too... Stupid game." Daisuke glared at the television, throwing the control of the playstation down to the floor. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and proceeded to sulk, still glaring for all that he was worth. He had been working all morning at beating the racing game but as hard as he tried he had been unable to get past the third level. The car always lost control around the turns, then the opponents would get ahead and that would be the end of the that. It was a stupid game anyway!

The young boy sighed, pressing the power button of the system off with his toe before sliding off of the couch. Now he was just plain bored. The new game could keep him occupied for only so long before it became dull. Besides, it still seemed weird to be using such a thing and deriving such fun out of it when he normally would have been 'working' at the moment if things were still the same as in the past. Not that he didn't enjoy the bit of freedom. It was worth hanging on to while it lasted.

Reaching up to his forehead, Daisuke brushed back a few loose strands of hair and straightened his beloved goggles. It was definitely time to find something else to do now. The house was silent, empty of all but him and his brother. Hikari had gone to school of course, seeing as it was thursday, and the two adults had gone to work. The woman, Hikari's mother, had been very reluctant to leave them, even for the few hours that she was being forced to work if she wanted to keep the job. She had spent all morning racing around the apartment, making sure that they knew what to do in case of an emergency and that they were allowed to eat anything that didn't require cooking. It had been really different, being fussed over that way. Daisuke had never experienced anything like it. But it was nice that she seemed to care, even if she was an adult.

Daisuke quietly hummed to himself, making his way slowly to the bedroom door. He hoped that Taichi might be up to doing something by now. So far the older brunette had refused to leave the sanctuary of his bed, despite his brother's pleads. In fact, Taichi had seemed to be in a sombre mood all day yesterday and was apparently still determined to remain sulky and snappish today as well. This didn't suit Daisuke one bit. He wasn't used to his brother acting like this. Maybe he was coming down with a cold or something. So far, however, Taichi would not say one word about whatever was the matter.

Cautiously he opened the door, peeking around it to assess the situation before entering. Taichi was still in bed, his back towards the doorway and he appeared to still be asleep. But of course that was impossible, it was already almost lunch time and Taichi never slept through lunch. At least not ever since they had discovered that lunch time was a regular meal in this part of the world and something that was never going to be denied to them. Quietly he crept over to the side of the bunk bed, trying to catch a glimpse of the older boy's face.

"'Chi?" He whispered, trying to decide whether or not it was safe to poke at him. "'You 'wake?" When there was no answer given, Daisuke carefully crawled onto the bed with his brother, kneeling at his side. "'niichan?"

Finally Taichi gave a small groan, his eyes still tightly shut as he tried to pull the blanket over his head, "Go 'way... leave me 'lone."

Disconcerted by this unusual response, Daisuke pulled the blanket back down and brought his face right up to Taichi's until their noses were almost touching, "It's okay, it's only me." Only an annoyed snort met this statement, causing Daisuke to frown with confusion. "What's wrong, 'Chi? You sick?" Worriedly, he brushed back Taichi's bangs to feel his forehead. He hated it when Taichi was sick, seeing his usually strong brother so weak and hurting. Especially since their Masters had never seemed concerned in the least about their personal health, only about a loss of money and time.

Taichi swatted the hand away, finally cracking open one eye to give Daisuke a half hearted glare. "I'm not sick. What d'you want?"

Surprised at the harsh tone of voice, Daisuke only leaned back a bit in confusion. If his brother wasn't sick, then why was he still in bed? Was he hurt? Did someone do something to him? Was he depressed or... or sad... or what? "What's wrong, Taichi?"

"Nothing. Is that all you came in to bug me for?" Taichi growled, turning away again as he curled up beneath the blankets. He did seem sort of sad... his eyes were so dark... Daisuke shivered, knowing that look. Remembering what had happened the last time he had seen his oniichan's eyes so dim before...

Daisuke bounced a little, suddenly feeling a bit afraid. "Get up, 'Chi! I'm hungry, we can eat now. And then let's do something, I'm bored." The last time... it had been after Takeru had almost died at the hands of the deceiving Master. Taichi had been so mad, so... so distressed and heartbroken. But that had happened a long time ago. "Ne... Taichi? Please?" Still no response, no movement. Fearing that the past was about to repeat itself, Daisuke shakily laid down at his brother's back, curling up against the warm body as he tried to shake the memories. He wrapped one arm loosely around the brunette's side, resolving to stay with Taichi no matter what happened.

They lay together in complete silence, both wrapped up in their own dark thoughts. Neither wanted to move or speak, occasionally slipping off into a light sleep only to snap awake again as the dreams persisted to haunt them. It wasn't until hours later that a noise other than their own quiet breaths broke the stillness that had fallen. A door creaked open somewhere in the apartment, then soft footsteps approached their own bedroom doorway.

"Taichi? Daisuke? Are you in here?" The whisper disturbed Daisuke a little from the numb stupor he had fallen into. His eyes cracked open slightly, frowning a little as he tried to focus on the voice. "...Still in bed?"

Unable to ignore the familiar presence any longer, Daisuke turned his head away from where it had been buried against Taichi's back and stared blankly, through half open eyes, at the unexpected visitor. Ken pleasantly stared back at him, a soft smile lighting up his face, "Hey there, I didn't wake you, did I?" The tired red-head only shook his head slightly, unable to find the energy to answer properly. Why did Ken have to come here now? Taichi still wasn't himself yet... "Oh... well, I just came over to check on you two. Yagami-san has to work longer than she had been expecting. She got worried and called me when she couldn't get ahold of Yamato to make sure you're all right."

Suddenly Ken frowned, looking a little closer at the two of them, "You are okay, aren't you?" When Daisuke only shrugged slightly and tried to turn away again, the blunette took a concerned step towards them. That was when Taichi decided to act, speedily sitting up and pulling his startled younger brother behind him.

Daisuke couldn't see the older boy's expression from this new position but, judging by Ken's own shocked look, it couldn't have been very nice at all. "Don't you come one step closer to him." Taichi growled, shaking slightly as he kneeled in a defensive position.

Confounded by this threatening behaviour that was so unlike Taichi, Ken automatically took a couple of steps backwards before stopping himself, "W-what?" Taichi only remained silent, still glaring. "Taichi? What's the matter? You know who I am."

When still the suspicious teenager wouldn't answer, Ken came a bit closer again. Taichi did respond to this, pushing further back on the bed until Daisuke was forced back against the wall, clinging fearfully to Taichi's back. He still didn't know why his brother was acting like this right now. There was no reason... was there? Had something happened that he hadn't heard about yet? Taichi would have told him though, wouldn't have he? "Don't!" Taichi whispered harshly, shaking harder, "Don't come near him. I won't let you! I won't..."

Ken held up his hands unthreateningly, not daring to approach any further at the moment. He appeared to be just as confused as Daisuke felt, "Why won't you let me come closer, Taichi? What are you afraid of? I haven't done anything. And I'm not going to. I just want to help with whatever you're afraid of."

Wondering, Daisuke moved slightly to peek over his brother's shoulder to look at Ken. The other boy was still standing there, apparently bewildered by this strange display. "'Chi, what's goin' on?" Daisuke whispered in Taichi's ear.

Taichi only shook his head, reaching behind him without taking his eyes off of Ken to roughly push Daisuke back behind him. "I know, Ichijouji... I know you don't really care about him."

"Who? Daisuke?" Ken asked bemusedly, then shook his his head, "Of course I care. What's bringing this on? What happened?"

"Go away!" Taichi insisted forcefully, apparently in no mood to explain why he was acting like this. "I won't let you use us! Not you or Ishida or anybody!"

Ken nervously brushed a strand of hair from of his face, frowning with concentration, "What does Yamato have to do with this? Just tell me what happened."

This only seemed to distress Taichi further as he was now shivering intensely. Daisuke desperately wrapped his arms around the older one's waist, trying to remind him that he was still there and not to suddenly go crazy on them all. Why was this happening? What was wrong?! It scared him to see Taichi like this, so unpredictable and upset. "He's just a fucking slut! Like... like everybody else. You a-are all alike! I... I thought it w-was different now but... H-he just wants a good fu-fuck!"

"Now just hold on a god damn, fucking moment!" Daisuke gasped as Ken effectively cut Taichi off, his eyes going wide with shock as he heard the blunette swear for the first time that he was able to recall. He sounded so angry! "That's my best friend you're talking about! I don't know where you get off calling him that but I won't stand for it." Taichi had been shocked into silence, going completely still and rigid as Ken took a determined step forward. The usually soft violet eyes were now darkened with anger.

"What do you know, Yagami Taichi? What do you know about Yamato?!" Ken growled, advancing another menacing step. "You don't know shit about him, that's what!" Daisuke cringed, pressing painfully against the wall in an attempt to get away from this maddened Ken. He didn't like this one bit. He did not know why Taichi was angry with Yamato but there had to be a good reason. Taichi never did anything without a reason. And Daisuke trusted his brother completely. Ken had no right to yell at him like this...

Then Ken's tone softened slightly, though his eyes were still full of heat, "What did he do, Taichi? Tell me."

"N-nothing." Taichi answered in a hushed voice, still pressing back against Daisuke with even more determination. "I won't le-let h-him..."

"Listen Taichi. Yama's my friend, I know him more than anybody. He's not a... a slut and he would never use you or anyone, ever. I don't know what you heard, but-"

"I heard him!" Taichi suddenly exploded, his fingers digging into the mattress on either side of him. "With his other friends. He was... he w-was going to... to go with them! F-find someone to fuck for fun! Just like... like..."

"So what?!" Ken shot back, shocking Taichi into silence again as he was unable to answer this appropriately. "It doesn't make him a what you think. He doesn't always... he just needs somebody, sometimes. It's different with him. You just don't know..."

"Know w-what?" Taichi asked quietly, his earlier anger dampened by Ken's defensive response to it. He was now hugging Daisuke's arms which were still wrapped around his stomach, trying to calm himself down and find some familiar comfort.

Ken sighed, his eyes still watching them with a sorrowful look. He shook his head slightly, "Gomen, but... I can't tell you. He wouldn't like it. If he feels like you should know anything of his past, then he'll tell you himself. But you have to believe me, Yamato's nothing like that, not now and never again as far as I know. He does do some things that I hate, that are wrong... but he's still figuring things out for himself."

Daisuke blinked, peering around the larger body in front of him again. Was everything okay now? Was it safe to become involved again? Probably not... at least not until Taichi told him it was. "'Chi?" His own voice sounded strained, even though he had hardly said one word during the disagreement. He hated fighting, someone always ended up getting hurt in the end. "S'okay, 'Chi... 'Mato cares... I know he does."

Finally Taichi turned his head to look at Daisuke for the first time since Ken had arrived. The two self-proclaimed brothers locked gazes, conveying their thoughts, concerns and comforts in an understanding long developed by their close relationship. Finally the brunette slumped wearily, leaning his forehead on Daisuke's shoulder. "Guess or fact?" He whispered questioningly, ignoring Ken's bemused stare.

"Fact... definitely." Daisuke quietly replied, also avoiding Ken's gaze, too intent on trying to bring back his brother's confidence. "'Keru told me."

"He did?" Taichi asked, looking up again hopefully. "When?"

Daisuke nodded, hugging Taichi to give and gain the needed comfort, "Not long ago... couple of days. Please...?"

With a sigh, Taichi hugged him back, "Yeah." He slowly turned back to Ken who was still standing in the middle of the room awkwardly, obviously not wanting to interrupt anything but not knowing what else to do while he waited. "Ken... I..."

"It's okay." Ken quickly cut him off with a smile, "I can see why you'd have a hard time trusting us." Then he frowned a bit, biting his lip, "But just... don't say things like that about Yamato again. Don't judge him until you know more about him, okay?"

Taichi hesitantly nodded, "'Kay. I... I'll try not to..."

"S'okay now?" Daisuke asked Taichi, feeling the tension drain out of the other's body.

"Yeah..." Taichi smiled weakly, ruffling the younger boy's spiky hair gently. "Sorry 'bout that, it's just..."

"Don't worry," Daisuke grinned back, knowing that his brother was going to be fine for a little while now. Maybe it was a good thing that Ken came when he had, getting it all out in the open like that. "I know. Can I...?"

The brunette frowned, glancing away to stare worriedly at a wall for a moment before giving a barely perceptible nod. He slowly slid off the bed, taking Daisuke's hand to help him up as well. Then the taller teen remained still, his head bowed to the floor in front of Ken. He was ashamed, Daisuke knew. Ashamed of acting out like that in front of Ken, who still wasn't anywhere near close enough to them to be called a friend, and expressing his thoughts against one of Ken's friends in such a way. It was not the way they had been trained. If the Masters had been here to see such undisciplined behaviour...

Daisuke shuddered at the thought while drawing closer to his brother's side, unable to look at Ken's face which was probably filled with disappointment and anger. Instead he glanced up at Taichi and his heart dropped as he noticed that the deep brown eyes were still filled with darkness, 'though maybe not quite so much as before.

"Are you two... hungry?" Ken finally broke the sombre silence, shifting uncomfortably in front of them.

At the mention of food, Daisuke immediately perked up, his stomach rumbling in response. Neither of them had eaten any breakfast or lunch, having been still in bed by the time the rest of the Yagami family had left the apartment. And Daisuke had been too nervous to take any food without Taichi there to help him. He tugged softly on Taichi's hand, looking up at him questioningly.

In response, Taichi squeezed his hand back, turning his head to give the younger one a tiny smile. Daisuke smiled back, a sense of relief and happiness washing over him. Then, slightly hesitant, Taichi looked up from the ground to where Ken was standing. "Is it okay if... if we eat now?"

Ken seemed to relax at this, giving them both a wide smile as he shrugged, "Well, it's completely up to you, of course. This isn't my home, you know. But... would you mind if I joined you for dinner?"

Surprised, Taichi shook his head after gaining a look of confirmation from Daisuke, "H-hai, of course."

Daisuke nodded eagerly, slowly beginning to realize just how hungry he really was. Then he wondered aloud, "Can... can you cook, Ken?"

"Well enough, I think. Do you want me to prepare the meal?" Ken questioned, his expression just as eager for their acceptance.

Taichi was the one to answer, staring intently back at the ground, "If you... wouldn't mind. We... we've never had to learn before..."

With a nod, Ken beckoned them to follow him to the kitchen. They sat at the counter, side by side, as they watched in rapt attention as the graceful teen started pulling things out of cupboards and the fridge as though he had lived here all his life. He smiled at them as he set a pot of water on the stove to boil, "Did you two stay in bed the entire day?"

"Taichi did," Daisuke told him, ignoring the glare sent his way as he leaned on the counter, supporting his head on his hands. "Hikari-san had to go to school today. You... you don't go to school anymore?"

Concentrating on pouring the right amount of rice into the pot, Ken just shook his head distractedly, "I do. My school just gets out a little earlier than theirs. I go to a private school nearer to my apartment."

"Oh." Was all Daisuke said, changing position to lay his head on his folded arms now. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Taichi wasn't even paying attention to them anymore, just staring out of the kitchen window expressionlessly instead. He really hoped that Taichi would start acting normal again soon, it scared him to see his brother this way. It was hate, a very dark, intense hate that could be seen in those usually bright eyes at certain times when Taichi could not hold it in any longer. The hate was rare, only showing through when teenager became overwhelmed with grief, anger or knowledge of pain. This time Daisuke wasn't sure if the hate was directed inwards at Taichi himself or at Yamato, who had somehow deceived the distrusting brunette.

Whatever it was this time, it was bad. Taichi hadn't even been able to sleep the past few nights, or at least not restfully. It was worrying Daisuke greatly but he didn't know what to do about it. His older brother so rarely lost control like this that Daisuke did not have much experience in dealing with it effectively. Takeru would know, Daisuke decided. The blonde had been with Taichi that afternoon when something had obviously happened. Daisuke would definitely have to find a time alone with his friend to gather the details. But for now... all he could do was be there for his brother. Hopefully it would be enough for a little while, until things were sorted out properly.

=-=-=-=

Jyou Kido let out a huge breath of relief as he strolled down the sidewalk, readjusting his grip on the briefcase hanging at his side. It was good to be back out in the fresh air instead of that stuffy lecture hall where he had spent the better part of this beautiful, sunny saturday. Once again he tried to remind himself just why he was taking weekend classes at the university, still wishing that there was an easier way to get ahead in life. At least it was over for the day and now he had the rest of the afternoon to do whatever he wished.

The hard working, blue-haired man allowed himself a smile as he turned a corner, knowing that a certain red headed boyfriend of his was probably at their apartment right now, anticipating his return. Koushiro had most likely not even stepped foot outside yet today, knowing his habit of losing track of time while working on the computer. A small software company had hired Koushiro part time a while ago for designing and troubleshooting new programs. Of course that gave the two of them even less time to themselves, between both of them working and school. But still they managed to make room in their busy schedules for each other.

Only another fifteen minutes and he would be home, leaving him plenty of time to tear his partner away from that infernal computer and... well, he'd think of something when the time came. He only got another few steps further when he noticed a dejected looking, yet familiar trio walking down the other side of the street. After a moment of undecisiveness, Jyou turned and ran across the quiet road, calling out a greeting to the only daughter of the Yagami family, a good friend of his, "Hikari! Hey, wait up a moment!"

The petite brunette turned when she heard his voice, visibly brightening up as he came to a stop in front of her, "Hi Jyou, where'd you come from?"

He smiled at her, glancing quickly at Taichi and Daisuke before answering, "From the university. Weekend lectures, you know. Are you three headed home?"

"Yeah..." Hikari's expression fell a little again as she momentarily looked over her shoulder at the two boys stopped a few feet behind. "They had appointments with a psychologist today, like they do every week. Mum dropped us off this morning but we had to take the buses back."

"Oh." Jyou replied, not knowing how else to respond to this. It made sense, of course, for the kids to be seeing someone who could help them with the trauma of their past years. They would need somebody to talk to. But as he looked at them again, seeing the two young teens just standing quietly with their heads slightly bowed and sporting identical forlorn expressions, he wondered just how well the therapy was working. They still appeared almost the same now as they did the last time he saw them. "What's the matter?" He finally asked when Hikari made no move to tell him unprompted.

She sighed, her thin eyebrows drawing up worriedly, "They won't talk to the guy. Not really. And... well, look at them. They've been like this for the past couple of days now. It's so frustrating! And on top of that, we've been informed that they need to start attending school."

Jyou nodded in partial understanding, "Well, it's too soon for any drastic changes, 'Kari, you should know that. Maybe going to school and interacting with other kids their age will help settle them some more." He agreed that the boys should be going to school, they were too isolated where they were right now. Besides, he had heard that Hikari, Ken and Yamato had been trying to teach them on their own, which he felt was a bad idea. While it was okay for a start, they had no real experience with teaching and it only closed off the three even more from experiencing a social life.

"I suppose," Hikari said, lowering her voice to exclude the two behind her, "But I'm worried that it's a little fast for them. What if they think... well, you heard what they had been doing all those years they were missing."

He had heard, though he tried not to dwell too much on it. The mental image it produced was so nauseating that he really had almost thrown up the first time that the details were given on their whereabouts. "I'm sure they'll be fine. They seem smart enough to figure things out." Jyou tried to soothe her before raising his head again to take a closer look at the older of the two adopted brothers. Then he frowned, feeling concerned as he noted the pale, drawn face and darkened eyes. "That's Taichi, right?"

When Hikari nodded, Jyou stepped around her and walked over to where the tall brunette was standing. The other didn't even twitch as he approached, still staring despondently down at his shoes. "Hello, Taichi. Do you remember me? From the picnic?" The slightly younger teenager gave a jerky nod before stilling into the exact same position once more. "Could you look at me for a moment, please?"

Taichi's shoulders seemed to sag slightly but he slowly did raise his eyes. Jyou peered into them, worrying about the dazed blankness that seemed to have formed in them as well as the dark bags under his eyes. It was obvious that Taichi hadn't been sleeping properly for quite a few nights now. His skin seemed even paler up close, drained of life. The doctor side of Jyou's personality kicked in immediately, "Have you been feeling ill lately, Taichi? Or do you normally experience insomnia at night?"

For a moment Taichi only blinked with confusion, seeming a bit flustered by the sudden interrogation. He started to shake his head, then hesitated. "W-what's ins... insom-nia?" He whispered, looking slightly frightened of the word.

"Oh..." Jyou had forgotten to keep in mind that the recently rescued teen would probably not have learned many seemingly obvious terms before. "It just means that you have trouble sleeping, especially at night when you should feel the most tired."

"Is... is that bad?" Taichi asked, his tone still kept carefully lowered. His entire body was tense as though he were readying himself for something unexpected.

Jyou only sighed, shaking his head a bit, "It can be serious, but... It's fine, don't worry about it. I was only asking because it looks as though you didn't sleep a wink last night."

"Ah..." Taichi frowned, now looking back at Jyou willingly. He appeared to be contemplating something serious. Finally he turned his gaze back to the ground, shuffling his feet a bit as he shivered slightly, "Jyou-san?"

Jyou watched him with a quizzical expression, wishing he knew what was going on in that obviously confused and darkened mind. "Yes?"

"Can I... we... g-go..." The brunette trailed off for a moment, closing his eyes as if he expected to be smacked for what he was about to ask. After an unsure minute, he finally opened them again and took a deep breath. Jyou waited through all of this patiently, knowing that it was very hard for them to communicate properly anymore. "I don't want to see... to see... Ya-Yamato-san r-right now..."

For clarification, Jyou glanced over at Hikari with a raised eyebrow. She shrugged, biting her lip slightly, "Yamato's coming over to my place this afternoon. He usually does on saturdays if there's no practice. I... I don't know why Taichi wouldn't want to see him though."

Still slightly confused but knowing that there was something deeper to all of this, Jyou turned back to Taichi and asked, "Would you like to come over to my apartment for a bit then?" He had a feeling that that was what Taichi had been trying to ask him before. "Koushiro wouldn't mind, I'm sure."

With a relieved and hopeful look, Taichi nodded slightly, "If it's okay with Hikari."

"Oh no, it's fine, Taichi. I don't mind." Hikari quickly agreed, smiling at Jyou, "Just make sure they're back before it gets too dark."

"I can come too?" The youngest boy spoke up suddenly, taking his eyes off of his shoes finally.

"Of course," Jyou smiled, "Koushiro could use the distraction from his work."

Daisuke visibly brightened, grabbing one of Taichi's hands as they walked towards the apartment. "He... he likes computers... right?"

Surprised at their talent for memorizing passing details like that from days ago, Jyou nodded, "That's right. It's impossible to tear him away from them most of the time." Seeming pleased to hear this, Daisuke turned his head to stare ahead eagerly at their destination and fell silent.

When they finally reached the door to his apartment, after completing the journey in complete silence, Jyou unlocked the door and crossed his fingers in hope that Koushiro was still home and in a good mood. He needed his room mate to distract Daisuke while he spoke to Taichi privately in hopes of determining the cause of the obvious depression. "Shiro-chan? Are you here?"

There was a muffled shout of affirmation from the study room and Jyou grinned with relief. He quickly showed his two guests where to put their shoes and jackets, then ushered them down the hallway and through a door at the end of it. Koushiro was half standing up at the computer desk, rapidly clicking the mouse and keyboard as he appeared to be shutting down programs as fast as possible, "Just a nanosec, Jyou-chan, I'll just shut down the computer and-"

"No, keep it on." Jyou cut him off, walking over to place a hand on the other's shoulder, "I think Daisuke wants you to show him some stuff on it."

"Huh? Daisuke?" Koushiro turned his ebony eyes to Jyou's in a puzzled manner.

Jyou smiled back, waving to the couple behind him, "I've brought company with me. Met them on the way home. You don't mind, do you? I'll explain everything later."

"Oh, of course I don't mind." Koushiro stood fully up and turned a smile on the visitors, running a hand quickly over his neat mop of fiery red hair in an effort to smooth it further. "Hello Daisuke, Taichi, how are you today?"

There was a mumble of indiscernible responses as the two looked to the floor shyly. Jyou asked, "Do you want to play on the computer a bit with Koushiro, Daisuke? I need to talk to your brother for a little while, if that's okay with you."

With a sudden, tense frown, Daisuke looked up at the older brunette. He looked as though he were about to protest, obviously worried about leaving Taichi alone, but Koushiro quickly took over the matter with a friendly smile and a gentle guiding of the hand, "You can trust Jyou to take care of Taichi for a while, Daisuke, don't worry. Here, you can sit down in this chair. Have you ever accessed the internet before?"

While Daisuke's attention was diverted, Jyou turned to Taichi and signalled him to follow. He noticed the pained expression on the other's face as Daisuke became completely absorbed in the computer but Taichi silently followed Jyou to another room. He sat Taichi down on the sofa, taking a nearby chair himself. Taichi stared down at his lap, his hands clenched tightly together and, Jyou noticed with a worried frown, he was shaking slightly.

Jyou sighed, knowing that he was going to have to be the one to break this silence. "Would you like anything to drink, Taichi?" The brunette only shook his head sharply, his jaw tight as a sign of clenched teeth. "Do you... want to talk about it?"

Taichi shook his head harder this time, pressing further back into the couch and Jyou sighed again miserably. This was harder than he had thought it would be. And no wonder. Although he had taken some psychology courses in university, he had focussed mostly on the physical aspects of the body, not the emotional ones. How was it really possible to heal something one couldn't see? Finally, feeling slightly frustrated, Jyou asked, hoping to startle Taichi into saying something, "What does Yamato have to do with anything?"

This had immediate effects as frightened chocolate eyes widened and looked up. His mouth worked silently for a moment as though he had forgotten how to issue sounds from it. Then finally he stuttered, "K-Ken-san said... said I sh-shouldn't judge Y-Yamato be... before... b-but it's... I don't w-want... can't..." He looked away again, seeming so much younger and smaller than he really was with that terrified and lost expression.

Jyou winced at the tone and was trying to think of how he should respond to this when he noticed that the other's shaking had suddenly increased. Taichi had curled up in a defensively and was apparently starting to have a hard time breathing. Quickly, Jyou stood up and kneeled in front of the dazed boy, taking note of the rapid breaths and tense muscles, "Taichi, calm down. What is it?" But the other teenager did not calm down, hugging himself tighter in an effort to appear as small as possible. His eyes were shut tightly now as his breaths came out in quick, short gasps. Panic attack. "Shit." Jyou uncharacteristically swore as he raced to the kitchen, grabbing a paper lunch bag from a drawer and filling a glass with water. He placed the glass on the coffee table in front of the couch before forcing the paper bag over the hyperventilating boy's mouth.

"Breath, Taichi. You hear me? You've got take deep breaths." Jyou commanded, trying to sound as calm and professional as possible. "Deep breaths, come on, you can do it. Just calm down." He reached over and placed one hand on the cold, sweating forehead, smoothing back the chestnut bangs in an effort to soothe. Slowly Taichi did as he was told, guided by the constant encouragement from Jyou. In the end he was still shivering slightly but managed to get his breathing under control again, the blue tinge around his lips disappearing much to the doctor in training's relief. "There, you're okay, Taichi. You're fine. What was that all about? You can tell me. I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to."

"'d-don't n-ne-need me..." The still shaking boy finally gasped, his eyes still squeezed shut. "Th-they don't n-need me 'nymore... D-Dai an'... and Take..."

Gently, Jyou rubbed the other's arm, still trying to calm him down. "What do you mean? I think they still need you. Daisuke looked really worried about leaving you."

Taichi shook his head, "N-no... no... H-he has Ken-san... now and... rather go o-on 'puter. 'Keru l-likes Ya... Yama... to b-better. Don't need me... Nobody..." He hid his face in his hands, shoulders shaking.

That's it, Jyou realized with growing astonishment. That was what had Taichi in such a panic. Daisuke and Takeru had probably depended on the older brunette all their life and Taichi was used to being the one who could comfort and guide them. He had been the one they looked up to. And in that 'safe', never changing environment that they had grown up in, where nothing was ever questioned, he had never had to deal with anything that he couldn't handle. But now, tossed in this new life where everything was so completely opposite to what they were used to, he was seeing Takeru and Daisuke taking interest in other people and things. It was probably slightly easier for them to take in new ideas as well, seeing as they were younger and had had Taichi to partially protect them all their lives.

But Taichi couldn't handle it, hated watching them stretch their tightly knit bond, hated sharing their unconditional love with others. Hated being alone to deal with everything in this screwed up world.

With only a quiet sigh of regret, Jyou remained silent to this and allowed Taichi to gather himself again. Reality was terrible sometimes, especially when it claimed the innocence of children at such a young age. And if he was going to be a doctor someday he was going to have to be prepared to see more and more of this sort of thing. Not a pleasant thought.

Finally there was a small sniff and Taichi raised his head slightly. His wide eyes were watery but no tears had apparently escaped. They had been raised to hide their personal feelings, which Jyou knew was making it all the harder now. The bottled emotions just grew and grew until they burst out in dangerous ways, as he had just witnessed. "You're not alone, Taichi. No matter what you think. Daisuke and Takeru will always need you, remember that."

Taichi only blinked at him, frowning thoughtfully as though he were trying hard to convince himself of this. Then he asked in a voice not much above a whisper, seeming to completely change the subject, "Do... What is Koushiro-san to... to you?"

"Koushiro?" Jyou repeated with surprise. "Why he's... he's everything to me, Taichi. We've been together for a long time, best friends for even longer."

Another frown greeted this, "A... a long time? H-how?"

Utterly confused now, Jyou could only ask, "How what?" But he had a feeling he wasn't going to like where ever this was leading.

"Koushiro-san doesn't... doesn't make you m-mad?"

"Mad?" Jyou shook his head, "Well, we get into arguments every now and then. But every couple has their disagreements. Taichi, what is your point here?" He didn't mean to sound harsh or anything but he realized that Taichi could take a long time in getting to what he really wanted to ask.

Taichi narrowed his eyes, searching Jyou's face for something, "When... when you sleep w-with other guys-"

"What?!" Jyou shot to his feet, his glasses almost sliding right off his nose in his shock. He stared down at Taichi, wondering if he had just heard him wrong.

Worriedly, Taichi stared back with a whisper, "Or... or is it Koushiro-san? D-doesn't he..."

"Oh Kami-sama, help me." Jyou groaned turning away from Taichi in an effort to gain control of himself. Why was Taichi asking these stupid questions? Where was he getting those ideas from? And then it hit him. Oh hell... of course Taichi would be thinking thoughts like that. Look at where he had spent almost his entire life! The confused teen didn't understand! He did not understand that he had only experienced a small percentage of the real world locked up in that horrible place. The perverted men who had went there probably had wives, girlfriends or boyfriends back home. As far as Taichi knew, that was how it was with everybody. People couldn't stay in a long relationship. They cheated on each other, got in huge fights and started hating each other, calling their partner names and taking their anger out on the small, helpless boys. Jyou wasn't sure whether to laugh at the absurdity of it all or cry for Taichi's confused mind.

Determinedly he turned around again, trying to appear calm and unangered over those implications. He stared directly into a frightened pair of watery brown eyes, "Taichi. Koushiro and I love each other. We have never and will never cheat on one another. I have too much faith in him to even let the thought enter my mind for a second. Most people are not what you think they are."

Amazement washed over Taichi, his eyes widening even further, "But..."

"No Taichi, don't ever think of us like that. You have to start letting go of the past and see what everybody here is trying to teach you. It might seem hard, and it probably is, but if you want to be happy you're going to have to try to handle the truth." Jyou told him earnestly, hoping that he was getting through to the stubborn brunette. He took a deep breath and continued, "And nobody is going to let you be alone here. Daisuke and Takeru still love you just as deeply as they ever did but you're going to have to deal with the fact that they are going to make other friends here too. As you will. We would all like to be your friends, Taichi. You just have to accept that."

Taichi intently stared at Jyou in silence after the blue-haired man finished his speech. His sun touched eyes were aglow with a multitude of indiscernible emotions, impossible to read. Eyebrows scrunched together, he sat very still, contemplating all that had just been said. He finally asked, sounding serious, "Do you... do you think that Yamato is a... a better person th-than those men?"

Taken aback, Jyou's eyebrows shot up as he was forced to push up his glasses once again. That had been the last question he was expecting. He still wasn't sure where Yamato fit into all of this exactly. Although he was gaining an inkling of an idea. Jyou had known Yamato for years now and had been there with the rest of his friends as Yamato's raging depression had finally gotten the better of him. He still didn't think that Yamato had completely recovered from that time. But surely Taichi didn't know anything about it? Yamato certainly never liked to talk about his past, though it still sometimes showed through his tough image, and none of his friends would dare relay to anybody what had happened without the temperamental blonde's explicit consent. No, it was something else that brought on this question.

Jyou firmly replied, leaving no hint of doubt in his voice, "Definitely. Yamato is nothing like them. He's always been loyal and takes his friendships very seriously."

Taichi's expression cleared after hearing this, his body relaxing slightly as though in relief. He nodded thoughtfully, then slowly uncurled and stood up. "Arigatou, Jyou-san. I appreciate everything you've said, very much."

Resting a hand on the brunette's shoulder, Jyou offered him a warm smile, "Think nothing of if, Taichi. I'm just glad I could somehow help out. Although I don't know exactly how all of that did help, but..."

"Oh, it did." Taichi gave him a tiny smile back. "Can... can we go back to Daisuke now?"

Jyou nodded, relieved that Taichi appeared to be feeling better now. He didn't look quite so haggard or depressed, which was a good sign. The older man led the way back to the study room, almost having to dodge out of the way as Daisuke hopped out of his chair and ran to his brother, meeting him in a tight hug, "'Chi, 'you okay now?"

From on top of the desk, where he was currently sitting beside the computer, Koushiro gave Jyou a concerned look which turned into a grin as he was given a discrete thumbs up sign. The couple watched as Daisuke gave Taichi's nod a suspicious glare before pulling his older brother over to the computer. "You have to see this... this int-er-net, 'Chi! You can find anything on it. Koushiro showed me how to work it." Taichi watched with interest as his younger counterpart pointed out various things on the screen.

Koushiro slid off of the desk, walking over to Jyou who immediately wrapped his arms around the shorter teenager. "Daisuke was worried about Taichi. Even the excitement over the internet couldn't hold his attention for long."

"Yeah," Jyou sighed, resting his chin atop the bright red hair that he loved so much. "They're closer than most blood brothers are."

"Is everything okay now?" Koushiro asked, still watching the two teenagers at the desk. When Jyou shrugged slightly with an affirmative sound, the red head smiled, "Honestly, Jyou-chan. You really should have become a psychologist. First Yamato and Ken, and now Taichi."

"Believe me, setting a broken leg is so much easier than trying to figure out what is really going on in that maze that people call a mind." Jyou explained with a tired sigh.

Koushiro laughed quietly, shaking his head at this. A few minutes later, after making sure that the other two were going to be alright for bit by themselves, they left the room. Jyou seriously hoped that Taichi had gotten something good out of their conversation and would think about it hard. And maybe he could even face Yamato again. Jyou had the feeling that those two, once their differences were worked out, could become very good friends. As crazy as it sounded, the two reminiscent teenagers just seemed to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses perfectly.

=-=-=-=

Music pounded against the walls of The Dragon's Den, filling the air with throbbing vibrations for the people to lose themselves in as they each danced to it in their own way. The club was packed, as it was every saturday night, with men and women of all kinds. It was just the sort of place that one could go, get lost in the crowd, and drown away their sorrows by the bottle full which was probably Yamato's number one reason for agreeing to come with his fellow bandmates this evening.

The golden haired teenager sighed miserably from his position at the bar counter, nursing a bottle of something very alcoholic. He couldn't even remember what he had ordered anymore, just kept asking the bartender for more of the same even if it did taste slightly like rotten peaches. Maybe, though, it would be enough to let him forget the past week entirely, at least until the next day. He knew he shouldn't even be here, knew that his friends would probably bore him with long, righteous lectures if they found out, but somehow he just couldn't bring himself to care what they thought right now. Besides, where was their friendship when he needed it the most? Well... maybe it wasn't right to think that, it wasn't like they knew what he was going through.

Everybody was mad at him, in someway or another. He still didn't even know what he had really done wrong! Taichi was still completely ignoring him... no, avoiding him was more like it. The mind boggling brunette had somehow managed to always be elsewhere when he knew where Yamato was going to show up. This certainly made it impossible to get him alone in order to have that long overdue talk with him, which must be disappointing Takeru greatly. Now his own brother thought he was either a liar or a wimp. And to top it all off, he had both Ken and Jyou harassing him about the same thing! They both claimed to have had strange, heartfelt chats with Taichi and had decided that it all came back to Yamato somehow. It was Yamato's fault that Taichi was upset, it was his fault that he was never any good at dealing with others' emotions, it was all his own damn fault that he was a fucking, heartless bastard who should be shot rather than hang around to piss off even more people.

... okay, so they didn't actually say that. But he could take a hint.

Yamato sighed miserably, emptying what was left of his current bottle in one quick gulp before waving it at the bartender. It was promptly replaced with another, just as terrible tasting drink. Nobody would dare refuse the great lead singer of the Teenage Wolves. Right... that was a joke. If he was so great then why had the concert, that they had been working so hard at perfecting, been cancelled last minute? That was the real reason they were all here right now, trying to take their minds off of what they should have been doing tonight.

An arm quietly snaked around his shoulders, derailing his thoughts as he turned his head to try and focus on the face at his side. A narrow pair of gleaming eyes winked backed at him, "Hey baby, I haven't seen you 'round here in a while. I've missed you."

Trying to shrug the arm away, Yamato pointedly turned back to his drink without saying anything. He knew the dark haired teen, one of the few he had used to like fooling around with and more. But right now he didn't want to go anywhere with him, having promised himself and his bandmates that he was only here to have a bit to drink and to get his mind of things, nothing more. Maybe this way he could prove to everyone that he really wasn't a slut, that he did have some self-respect and control, however little.

"Aw, don't be like that, babe," The grinning boy only pulled him closer, "I know you missed me too."

Yamato moaned slightly as he felt a pair of burning lips against his neck a second later, a wet tongue pressing insistently against his skin as the other's teeth nipped softly, teasingly. "No... Kado... not t'night."

Hot, forceful lips met his own in response, effectively shutting him up as he gasped in surprise. He felt the taller teen slide onto his lap and Yamato groaned again as a hand slid under his shirt to play across his chest. Pleasure ran along the blonde's spine, fighting against the part of his mind that was telling him to stop the other boy from going any further. He could push Kado away, he wasn't that drunk... at least he hoped he wasn't. But why should he? Maybe this really was what he was, maybe everybody was right about him. Maybe he was just a stone hearted slut.

Finally he gave in, too exhausted to fight anymore. Why struggle against his nature? Slowly he returned the other's embrace, opening his mouth a little to invite the probing tongue in. Then Kado pulled back slightly, grinning as he ran a finger along Yamato's cheek, "'So beautiful..." Before he knew what was happening, Yamato was pulled from the bar stool and dragged through part of the crowd to the nearest wall. His back was pushed against it as the other teen hungrily went back to sucking on his mouth. But by now, Yamato didn't really care where this went, he just wanted to lose himself. His mind drifted as he let out an involuntary groan, feeling Kado grind eagerly against him. What would the others say if they saw him being used in such a fashion? They'd probably be disgusted. He was disgusted, but only in the remote part of his mind that wasn't in control at the moment.

He leaned his head back against the wall, blue eyes dulled as they stared blankly at the ceiling through the cloud of smoke that floated all around them. The nipping, sloppy kisses were past his neck now, making their way down his chest and absently he put his hands on Kado's head, urging him down in an unconscious need to get this over with as quickly as possible.

But then suddenly the teenager's head was pulled out from under his grip with a yelp of surprise and, disoriented by the sudden lack of warmth, Yamato opened his eyes just in time to see Kado brutally shoved back into the crowd. Then Akeno was there beside him, watching him with a serious and questioning, but not accusing, expression.

His fellow guitar player and back up vocalist did not speak at first, instead waiting for Yamato to blink away some of the numb haze that had fallen across his mind within the last few minutes. After a moment, Yamato sighed, and tiredly pushed away from the wall. Of course. There was always someone there to stop him from doing things he shouldn't. Even those who had done it many times themselves with complete strangers. Hypocrites.

Once standing, though, Yamato remained staring emptily at his bandmate. He smirked slightly at the other's expression, not understanding the strong feeling tearing him up inside, leaving him so vulnerable. Akeno shook his head as he closed the distance between them and gently pulled Yamato's shirt straight again, buttoning it up carefully. The dark haired teen then reached down and zipped Yamato's jeans up with startling speed before directing the stunned blonde back to the bar where they sat down facing each other.

Yamato was the first to look away, taking time to order another drink before commencing to stare sourly at the counter. He hoped Akeno wouldn't make a big deal over what had just happened but it was wishful thinking.

"I thought you were going to stay clean tonight." Akeno finally said expressionlessly, casually swiping the bottle from Yamato's grip and taking a swallow from it.

Yamato glared down at his empty hands, hunching further over the counter and ignoring the other's gaze. He shrugged, "What's the point?"

"The point?" Brushing the sweaty, ebony bangs from his eyes, Akeno frowned slightly as though thinking about the question carefully. "Point is you promised."

"Promises mean shit, now'days." Yamato informed him rudely, grabbing for his drink again. However, Akeno easily kept it out of reach.

They glared at each other for a few minutes, neither knowing what the other was thinking. Yamato felt his head swimming slightly, realizing that maybe he had had a few more drinks than he first thought. Finally Akeno replied, his tone soft and serious, "Promises always meant everything to you."

Yamato tried to shake his head but stopped as he almost tipped off of the stool, "Maybe... but not 'nymore. Fucking shitheads like me don't care 'bout keeping stupid promises."

Suddenly he yelped, rubbing his cheek as Akeno glared back at him with a raised fist. "Snap the fuck out of it, Yamato. What's with the attitude?"

"Why would you care?" Yamato shot back, glaring dangerously. "Go away, I'm fucking tired of listening to you, bastard."

His friend looked ready to hit him again, but stood up instead, "Fine then. I'm calling Ken."

"What?!" Yamato stood up, grabbing the counter for extra support as he almost lost his balance, "Why? He's not my fucking keeper! Fuck you, 'Keno. Don't bother!"

Akeno matched his glare, shoving him back down onto the barstool. "I'm not going to let you sit here and hurt yourself with that fucked up attitude of yours. You told me to give Ken a ring if you started getting out of control and that's what I sure as hell am doing." Then he stomped off in the direction of the nearest pay phone, leaving Yamato staring stupidly after him.

Grumbling slightly, and sure that Akeno wasn't serious, Yamato slowly turned back to the now unguarded bottle. He took a long swallow of it, letting the burning liquid do its work on his mind in order to just forget about everything around him. Damn caring friends, why did they have to listen to him?

By the time he was halfway through the next drink, Ken was there to snatch it away and stick it far out of reach. He grabbed Yamato's shoulder turning him so that they were face to face. Yamato winced as he faintly processed the look of hurt, anger and sympathy in those always bright, violet eyes. He looked away, staring at his lap in preparation for the expected anger-filled scolding. Instead he was taken by surprise as Ken pulled him into a tight hug.

"Why do you do this to yourself, Yama?" Ken asked quietly as Yamato relaxed slightly against his friend. He liked this, it was warm and safe in Ken's arms. Ken didn't hate him, he was just disappointed by Yamato's actions, that's all. "I don't understand you, even after all these years."

Amused by this, Yamato smiled slightly, hiding his face against Ken's shoulder with a muffled, "Me neither."

Ken just sighed and tried to pull away a little. However, Yamato was determined to stay right where he was, too tired to make it anywhere on his own. "Where's Akeno? He called me and-"

"Fuckin' snitch, he is." Yamato grumbled, turning his head slightly to look over at the mass of dancing bodies on the floor. He couldn't spot any of his friends, though there were a few other people he recognized. Not that he really cared at the moment 'though. "Can I have my drink back?"

"No." The bluenette replied absently, still looking around. Then he carefully pushed Yamato away, back onto his own stool again, before staring worriedly into his eyes. "Kami, you are drunk, aren't you? What's gotten into you lately?" Ken frowned, bringing a hand to rest gently against Yamato's forehead, brushing away a few limp strands of hair. Yamato redirected his gaze back to the dance floor, trying not to see the concern that filled his best friend's eyes. "I haven't seen you this depressed for awhile now." There was a slight tremor to his quiet voice now but it was quickly steadied as Yamato turned to face him again, "Can you walk?"

Yamato shrugged, leaning against the counter and away from Ken. He didn't want to go home yet, however tired he was. At least here he did not have to face his stupid emotions and problems. "Go home, Ken."

"I'm not leaving you here after I came all this way," Ken replied firmly, "I'm taking you back to your apartment first, at the very least."

"No, M'fine right here."

"Why are you doing this?!" Ken let out a frustrated breath, looking away a moment as he fought to keep control of himself.

"Doin' what?"

Ken growled something incomprehensible and pulled Yamato off of the stool by his arm. Yamato had no choice but to go along with it. It wasn't like he was in any condition to fight right now anyway. His eyes widened slightly with surprise as the room decided to tip over sideways when he got to his feet. He quickly closed his eyes then, afraid that if he had to watch to place spin around like that he'd puke. The two teenagers slowly made their way to the exit, Yamato leaning heavily on Ken, his eyes still shut. Ken didn't comment on his apparent lack of balance but supported his weight without complaint.

After being dumped on the nearest bench outside, Yamato leaned back and listened as Ken pulled out a cell phone and called a taxi. It would have been dark outside if it weren't for the bright street lights and a buzzing, florescent lighted sign above them on the side of the building. At least it was cooler out here. The throbbing in his head eased a little as he breathed in the slightly fresher air. He felt faint and faraway, completely relaxed as the mix of exhaustion and alcohol finally overtook him. He hadn't been sleeping well the past few nights, busy worrying over what he was going to do about the problems he had caused, but it didn't matter now.

Yamato slept through the cab ride, only waking up slightly as Ken helped him up to his apartment. Once inside, he stumbled over to the couch, ignoring his friend's questions, and fell back into a dark, dreamless sleep.

When the tormented singer finally woke up again, the sun was high in the sky and a parade of elephants had taken up dance lessons inside of his head. Groaning, Yamato slowly sat up and put a hand to his pounding forehead and tried to open his eyes against the burning, bright light that was seeping in around the curtains.

"Kuso..." He whispered, wincing a bit as he turned his head experimentally. What the hell had happened last night? Well, obviously he had gotten smashed, that much he knew. But beyond that... He sighed, lying back against the cushions again with an arm slung over his eyes to block the light. Maybe he just didn't care what he had done whilst drunk out of his mind.

Then he felt another presence, someone sitting nearby watching him. He knew who it was, it had always been the same thing. His saviour, his friend, and though sometimes he knew that he was really not worth all the trouble he was still glad to have someone watching him so protectively. "...Ken?" His voice was raspy, throat dry from dehydration caused by the alcohol. What he wouldn't do for a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers right about now.

"Yes, Yamato, I'm here." The other announced his presence emotionlessly. Definitely no pity from over there. Ken had always hated it when he drank but usually held his peace about it. It had been so much worse in the past when alcohol wasn't the only thing that Yamato had been putting into his body, so as long as the blonde went no further than this now Ken would deal with it silently.

Yamato licked his lips nervously for a moment then struggled to his feet, desperate to get to the bathroom where the pills were kept in one of the cupboards. But before he could stand up properly he was firmly pushed back down again with a glass and two white pills shoved into his hands. Gratefully he swallowed everything, already feeling physically better now that he knew the pain would go away soon. Setting the glass down on the coffee table beside him, he silently looked up at his best friend, hoping that the other wasn't too upset with him. Instead of anger though, all he saw in his darkened amethyst eyes was confusion, hurt and... fear.

Ken closed his eyes suddenly, tilting his head foreword so that his face was mostly hidden by a curtain of silky, blue-black hair. He was shaking slightly, Yamato noted with concern. Startled, Yamato blinked and frowned, "Ken? What...?"

"You're doing it again." The pained whisper was so low that Yamato had to strain his ears to hear it. He opened his mouth but Ken continued, fists clenched at his side, "Why won't you tell me?"

"Tell... tell you what?" Yamato finally ventured as a few minutes passed in silence. He didn't understand what Ken was trying to say and he couldn't think. His mind felt clouded and completely messed up, as it had for the past few days now. Everything was just becoming too much... he didn't want Ken to add to the confusion.

In an instant, Ken's head snapped back up, his eyes misted with unshed tears and his face distorted with rage and hurt. "What the fuck is bothering you! You won't talk to me anymore. You won't talk to anybody. Did you think I wouldn't notice how you're distancing yourself again?!" Seeing the shock on Yamato's face, Ken's tone softened a little, "After... after everything that happened, you'd always tell me what you were feeling, what was going on in your mind. And now you... you're closing yourself up again. I don't even know why!"

They stared at one another as the last word left Ken's mouth, both pairs of eyes wide and swimming with emotion. Then Yamato looked away, unable to watch his friend's pain and accusing expression any longer. He couldn't tell Ken what he was feeling or why he was having such dark thoughts lately because he didn't know the answer to any of it. It was just... he couldn't help it. He felt like he had failed somehow but he didn't know at what or why.

"Where's Takeru?" Yamato asked quietly at last, avoiding Ken's eyes as he did the questions. He couldn't talk, not right now. There was no reason not to but...

Ken's expression darkened further in misery as he let out an strange, distressed noise from his throat. Without a word he pointed to the hall before turning and leaving the apartment. Yamato flinched back as the front door slammed shut, feeling horrible as his only true friend left him. He knew it was his fault, he had purposely driven Ken away, but it didn't make him feel any better about. "Sorry, Ken..." Yamato whispered, forcing himself not to let the tears run free. He wouldn't cry, he wasn't weak. Not now, not ever again. But God, how he wanted to...

Unsteadily, Yamato climbed to his feet and silently left the lounge to head for his bedroom. His mind was blank again, as it usually was when he felt upset about something. Better just not to think of it then get worked up about it. He stopped outside of his door, uncertainly pausing with his hand over the doorknob. There were sounds coming from the other side, people talking. Takeru wasn't alone.

Hesitantly the blonde put an ear to the wood, wanting to know who was in there before he walked in. He could make out words, barely, and voices. Takeru's and... was that Daisuke? And... oh Kami... Taichi as well. They were all here.

"Why... would he...?" He heard Takeru's quiet question, no more than a murmur.

Daisuke's voice was louder though, comforting, "Maybe it was an accident, maybe-"

But Taichi cut him off sharply, "I knew it, knew he was like that. You heard too, Takeru, you should have expected it."

"But... Tai, he's not..."

"... I know." There was a pause and then, "Gomen, but... I don't want him to be like that. It's just, I'm afraid..."

"I know..."

"Even Ken looked upset this morning." Daisuke commented sadly, "It's gotta be bad."

Yamato finally jerked away from the door, not wanting to hear any more. He knew they were talking about him. They knew for sure now, knew how horrible he was, how he couldn't control himself. Takeru probably thought so little of him now that he had proved how weak he really was.

In a daze, Yamato walked back to the couch and sat down, staring blankly at the wall across from him. Now he really felt like crying. He had made a fool of himself, Ken was mad at him, Takeru and his friends were upset because of him. He hadn't even been able to keep any of his promises, including helping Taichi to cope with the unfamiliar new life. He failed everybody!

He remained staring into space, dark thoughts filling his mind, until a small cough snapped him back to reality. Just inside the doorway from the hall was Taichi, watching him with unsure eyes. Yamato straightened in surprise, unable to help the bit of warmth and confusion he always felt when gazing into those beautiful, chocolate filled puppy eyes. He didn't say anything as the brunette cautiously approached the couch, coming to a stop beside it.

"I... I think..." Taichi faltered, looking down to the floor with a bewildered expression. Yamato waited, wondering what could be so important as to bring the one who probably hated and feared him the most anywhere near him. Finally, Taichi took a breath and glanced back up, "I think we... we need to t-talk."

=-=-=-=

(A/N) Yep, I'm leaving it there *grins*. Wow, I think this is the longest chapter yet... probably because I felt so bad for the lateness of it. The next chapter might take a little time to show up as well. *sighs* I really can't wait for summer holidays to start. So much more time to write and such then...
Anyway, reviews much appreciated! They're very good motivation.