Song Fic based on the TV Series "Andromeda"
Sequel to "Goodbye To You"
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DISCLAIMER: Oh please… If I owned ANYTHING in relation to Andromeda, would I be writing this??? And if I had any artistic control over the real thing, I REALLY wouldn't be writing this, because Tyr never would have left… So none of it is mine, including the song, and I am making no profit (at least not of the money variety) by writing this, or any of my other fanfics for that matter…
Author's Note – This is a sequel to my other song fic entitled "Goodbye To You", which was based upon Beka's thoughts after the Finale of Season Three… this one is all Tyr… I hope you like!! And remember to watch out for more Tyr/Beka stories from me over the following months!!
And please… if you enjoy this fic, please review. I had over 200 hits with Goodbye To You, and only 9 reviews. If you would like more Tyr/Beka pieces from me in the future, then please support my writing by leaving a review. Especially if you would like to be informed of when I post those other Tyr/Beka fics.
Welcome To My World… And Watch Your Step…
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Tyr let out a breath as he pulled his fighter out of slipstream, and plunged it back into the inky blackness of the surrounding galaxy studded with luminous stars. No nearby suns or moons to provide any additional light. No inhabited planets or slinking spacecrafts to notice his presence. He had some quick repairs to make before finally going to his son, and he wanted to make certain that he could do so in peace.
But even as he worked, try as he might, he could not find peace from his own thoughts and memories. He hated himself for that weakness. Knew this wasn't the time for it. But he had learned a long time ago to compartmentalize. His mind separated into three different occupations. One went into manning the repairs, one went into watching for any possible intruders in the surrounding area… and the third went into something far more personal. Something he would have rather shelved and forgotten. And maybe once he left this empty part of the universe, he would. But for the moment, he allowed himself the luxury of the reflection his mind seemed to desire.
He had left the Andromeda. After three years, he had simply just left. It was ironic in a way. In the beginning of that term he had sworn to himself that his time spent on that ship was the price he would willingly pay for the one day that he was able to wrestle control of it away from its captain and claim it as his own. It was considered to be the natural conclusion by every member of his species that he had encountered over those few years… What they all had expected of him.
So what would they think if they knew that in those three years, that originally ridiculed group that had formed their crew would, in a way, become his… family? What did he think of himself for even allowing himself such a ridiculous attachment?
He no longer knew. And he had already given up trying to understand it a long time ago. At least by his Neitzschean standards
But the one thing that he had not given up on trying to understand, was his feelings for one member in particular of that crew.
Just how the hell had he become so attached to a woman that he could never have?
But then, how could he have not, when he had lived with her for three years?
She was everything that every single Neitzschean man strived to find in a mate that would bear him offspring. She was fierce, strong, and loyal. Beautiful and passionate. A glorious fighter. An incredible survivor. Any male of his species would have wasted no time in pursuing her in the hopes of being allowed to claim her as their own. He would have already done so a long time ago, and there would have been no question about whether or not she would have been with him now, in this moment, at his side in this unfortunately berefit cockpit.
Except she wasn't Neitzschean. She was human. And nothing else that she was – and nothing else that he thought of her – could change that.
Despite how he might have hopelessly wished otherwise.
//…So lately… been wondering…//
He knew it wouldn't take her long to get over the lack of his presence. That was just the way she was. Regardless of how she was feeling, she could always overcome it in order to survive.
//…Who will be there to take my place…?//
She had been hurt so many times. Left by so many men. It didn't sit well with him that he had just now joined those ranks, even though he knew intellectually that there had been no other option left available to him. Even if he hadn't had his son to go to now, he knew he would have had to leave anyways.
//…When I'm gone, you'll need love to light the shadows on your face…//
There was something within him that had finally been stretched past any conceivable repair. Something that he had felt, threatening to snap every single time that he had been in her presence of late. He didn't know when this change had begun. Maybe it had been during that dark period of time almost exactly a year ago that left nothing but a complete void of emptiness in his mind every time he sought to remember what had happened to them. Between them. Maybe it had begun long before that. But that didn't matter. Not anymore. All that mattered was that he couldn't afford for that stretched sense of self to snap, for if it did, he knew there would be no way of repairing it. No way of going back.
//…If a great wave shall fall… and fall upon us all…//
His control where Beka was concerned became the embodiment of that so very personal battle of wills. If he had allowed their relationship to… become more intimate, then he knew that that would be when that weakened bit of him would snap, and he would lose something. Something that he knew he couldn't afford to lose. Not if he still wanted to be able to look at himself in the mirror. He had already lost far too much of himself by being on the Andromeda, but that wasn't necessarily what concerned him. What concerned him, was the fact that he hadn't cared about its loss. At least not as much as he should have.
But to have finally admitted his emotions where Beka was concerned… to have finally taken her as his own… It would have demanded a much higher price. One that would have been impossible to ignore.
And then where would that have left her? It wouldn't have just demanded a price from him… it would have taken her down with him as well.
But on the same token, what would happen to her now? Now that he was gone?
//…Then between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own…?//
He didn't want to think like that. He couldn't. He knew where his destiny must be now… just as he knew where hers was at. And neither paths were linked. Not anymore.
//…If I could, then I would…//
He'd done what he could to prepare her. To strengthen her instincts to provide her with a better chance of survival. He had always had more than one reason for doing so… and one of those more important… no, more pressing reasons had been this; Preparing her for the day he would no longer be there to guard her back.
//…I'll go wherever you will go…//
The fact that he would even feel compelled to do so, when that instinct was usually always reserved for a mate or child showed more eloquently than anything else could have, what it was that he felt so intimately towards her… And it was the only thing that he could give her of himself. He wished that it wasn't. He wanted there to have been so much more between them than just that, but it simply wasn't meant to be. Nothing would change that one major difference between them.
"I'll tell you a secret…I've lived with you. I've fought beside you. Fought with you... I've often wished you were a Neitzschean."
Looking back on what he had told her before his departure, he grudgingly acknowledged that his feelings had been far from a secret to either one of them. The sad knowing in her eyes had spoken volumes of what she wished to say but never would. His own sadness had answered it. Sadness over the loss of a future that never would have embraced them.
But that still didn't mean that the connection between them was any less poignant. Any less real. Even now, with the distance separating them, he still felt its presence… and he knew he would for a long time to come. He didn't think there was any way of turning it off. He didn't think he would want to.
//…Way up high, or down low… I'll go wherever you will go…//
"They say it takes a minute to find something special in a person. An hour to appreciate them. And a day to love them... But it takes an entire life… to forget them."
Divine, there had been so many things that he had wanted to say to her in response to that. So many things that he had wanted to explain. So many different ways that he had wanted to touch her. She had known that. Known that, and hadn't allowed him the opportunity. She had walked away, and he had let her. Eyes locked on the retreating curve of her slender back, and desperately trying to ignore the sudden swell of pain that had emanated from deep in her heart. Washing over his senses with its imprinting touch, that he could still feel the effects of like lingering phantoms dancing upon his skin. Echoing deep in his mind… and his soul.
He had done the right thing by leaving, he knew that. He knew he was a fool for having allowed himself to develop such an attachment to a human woman. He had berated himself for it many a time in the past, and had done what he could to try and forget her. But somehow she had worked herself under his skin. And just like her fateful words, he knew he would never get her back out again. Not in this lifetime.
Would he ever see her again? Divine, he hoped not. How could he see her again after what they had said to each other in the hallway, after having been apart for whatever amount of time that might pass between such encounters, and not want to reach out to her? How could he think about such an outcome and actually have a part of his very soul long for it, when he knew it carried such consequences of the like that neither of them would be able to withstand?
//…And maybe… I'll find out…//
How could he still want to be with her, fight alongside her, join his strengths with hers yet once more, knowing it would most likely get them both killed? Why did he feel the desire to take her and protect her from a universe that was coming apart at the very seams yet once again? Knowing that she had placed herself directly in the fire's path by remaining on the Andromeda?
Much had just been altered. Perhaps forever. Most of the ground that Dylan had gained in the last three years had just been lost. The universe was becoming more and more a place of unrecognizable brutality, and with the Magog on the horizon…
He didn't know if even the Andromeda could make it through what was about to inevitably occur. It was shattering all around them, and despite his loyalties to his son and his people, he feared what would happen to the crew that he had become so close to when the shards finally sliced home.
But he feared even more what might happen to Beka. He knew right then and there, that if something ever happened to her, something would also die inside of him. In a way, she was more responsible than any of them had realized for him having stuck around as long as he had. He could live without being with her, as he was about to prove. But he didn't think he would live quite so easily with her death.
//…A way to make it back some day…//
Which was why, when the final blow down came about and the gates of Hell were thrown wide, if he could… if it was possible… he would be there to snatch her free if it came down to either her life or her death, whether she liked it or not, and regardless of the resulting consequences. And she would undoubtedly hate him for such interference, he knew her well enough to know to take that into account and to be more than willing to accept it…
But she would be alive, at least… to hate, if so inclined… But alive nonetheless. And that would be more than many others in the universe would come to expect, if things went as badly as he believed they were about to.
//…To watch you, to guide you… through the darkest of your days…//
But if that didn't work… if one or both of them were killed as they most likely would be, then the part of him that was drawn so strongly to her could only hope that they would one day be together in an existence that would finally let them stand side by side in all things. Rather than making them burn for something that they could never have
//…If a great wave shall fall… and fall upon us all…//
Considering the proven origins of his son's DNA, it was no surprise that he had wondered more than once if that was why he felt so drawn to Beka. If maybe it was because they had been together in a previous existence. But whether it had been as mates or the same semi-relationship that they had to endure now, he didn't know. He could only pray that if they had to meet again in another world, it would be on equal footing… to make up for what they had lost in this one.
//…Then I hope there's someone out there, who can bring me back to you…!//
But no amount of hoping or praying would change what had come to be in their current existence. Yet nothing would change how he felt towards her. He would just have to live with it. They would both have to live with it. But they would do so separately.
//…If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go…Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go…//
One of them would have had to leave. One of them would have left… eventually. It was only by a rather spectacular twist of fate that was his son, that it had been him designated to shoulder such a burden of being the one to finally walk away.
//…Run away with my heart… Run away with my hope… Run away with my love…//
But it didn't matter where he went. He knew that his feelings for her would never change. She would always be with him.
//…I know now… just quite how…//
No matter where he was, he would want her at his side… No matter how many battles he was in, he would always want her to be the one at his back… No matter who he took to his bed, he would always desire for it to be her… And no matter how many of his children he saw swell the wombs of however many mates he took over the years, he would always, always long for them to have belonged to her.
//…My life and love might still go on…//
And he knew it would be the same for her. That no matter who else came into her life, she would always want it to be him. That no matter where she went, she would always want his presence there with her. She had even admitted that to him at the end. As much as she could afford to.
//…In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time…!//
And those same haunting words that he had ached so painfully to hear, would now almost be a comfort… Because it proved to him with an assurance that they truly did share the same emotions for one another.
That he wasn't alone with the knowledge that, although they would never be together, they would still never stop wanting each other.
//…If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go…Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go…//
And as long as they had that, they shared something. Something that the crumbling ruin of this universe could never take away from them, like it had everything else in their lives.
//…If I could turn back time… I'll go wherever you will go…//
They had a part of each other's heart. And although they could never give it its voice, it was still there. A part of his soul that was already heavily stamped by its weight…
//…If I could make you mine… I'll go wherever you will go…!//
And for Tyr Anasazi – last adult male of the Kodiak Pride and father to the reincarnated Drago Musevini – it was one of the most valuable possessions that he would always carry with him.
//I'll go wherever you will go…!//
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So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place?
When I'm gone, you'll need love to light the shadows on your face.
If I great wave shall fall and fall upon us all…
Then between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own?
If I could, then I would,
I'll go wherever you will go…
Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go.
And maybe, I'll find out,
A way to make it back some day…
To watch you, to guide you, through the darkest of your days.
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all…
Then I hope there's someone out there,
who can bring me back to you!
If I could, then I would,
I'll go wherever you will go…
Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go.
Run away with my heart…
Run away with my hope…
Run away with my love…
I know now, just quite how,
My life and love might still go on…
In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time!
If I could, then I would,
I'll go wherever you will go…
Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go.
If I could turn back time, I'll go wherever you will go…
If I could make you mine, I'll go wherever you will go!
I'll go wherever you will go!