Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic
Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment
All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale.
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Endurance
By Chiruken
Chapter 4
Nodding, Megumi hurried from the room, tears filling her eyes. She looked around the unoccupied room with a frown, seeing her abandoned meal, the tea, cold, and finally spotted the rurouni sitting outside on the engawa through the still open shouji. He sat with his head bowed, arms resting on his knees, looking forlorn in the stillness of the night with the moonlight shining on his hair, turning it to the color of blood. She suppressed a shiver at the morbid turn her thoughts were taking. She studied his motionless form through the open shouji for a moment, worrying her bottom lip in a rare moment of nervous indecision. It was both a blessing and a curse that he had been the one to find Kaoru. The young woman was comfortable around him, so his presence had been able to calm and comfort her, yet his own feelings, though still unclear and unspoken, towards her would make the situation unbearable for him. How would this affect his feelings towards her? Would he be able to overlook the loss of her innocence? She sighed inwardly. Men put such value on such a petty thing, but she hoped that Himura Kenshin was above such nonsense. Gathering herself, she rubbed her damp palms against the material of her smock. She'd put it off long enough. She had to face him, look into his eyes and see either the distance of a man who'd closed himself off from the woman who loved him, or see the grief of a man who'd been unable to protect that same woman…someone who he cared for deeply whether he admitted it aloud or not.
Stepping up to him she wasn't surprised when he turned to her despite the silence of her soft footfalls. He'd probably detected her presence the moment she'd stopped in the open doorway behind him. "How is she?" She sighed and shook her head as he rose to stand, taking a half step towards the shouji, expression hidden by the shadows playing across his face. "I want to see her, that I do." His quiet voice, usually soft and gentle, was tight with emotion, one she recognized immediately as anger. She couldn't let him near Kaoru when he was so obviously not in control of his emotions. Though well-meaning, his anger would only serve to make the situation worse. In the state she was in, Kaoru was liable to mistake the anger as being directed towards her and not the man who'd attacked her.
She shook her head slowly, regret clear in her expression. "No, Ken-san. Not now." She laid a restraining hand on his arm, frowning at how tensely he was holding himself. "She needs time. She's endured a terrible ordeal and needs time to heal…both physically and emotionally." She felt a surge of frustrated anger directed towards the hapless rurouni followed immediately by guilt. It was irrational to be irritated with him. He was concerned for the young woman, yet she did feel strong annoyance that he could be so oblivious to the obvious necessity that she be left alone for the moment. She didn't need the added strain of having a man, even if that man was Kenshin, around her after the hellish night she'd been forced to endure before he'd found her.
He closed his eyes and nodded, turning his face away from the lady doctor. "I understand." His low voice shook with barely suppressed rage. Again, he wondered how someone could do something so terrible to such a kind and trusting soul. It was unthinkable, unfathomable. It left him feeling completely helpless and at a loss. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, comfort her, protect her always…yet he was afraid to touch her, fearing that she would break if he did so. He understood her need for privacy. He, too, needed time to think, to prepare himself emotionally before he faced her. Yet he also wanted to be close to her, to offer her the comfort she so desperately needed. It was an inner battle to hold himself back, to remain standing on the engawa when she was so near, yet hidden away from him. He felt a surge of irritation directed towards the lady doctor. He knew she meant well, had Kaoru's best interests at heart, yet he couldn't deny that at that moment he dearly wanted to strangle her for keeping him from his destination. Only his rigid control and self-restraint kept him from following through on his thoughts. It would do no good to take his frustrations out on Megumi.
She shivered, feeling her hair try to stand on end. It was the first time she actually feared the ex-hitokiri. She wasn't comfortable with the sensation. For a moment, when their eyes had met briefly, she'd gotten the distinct impression that he'd wanted to cause her bodily harm for keeping him from Kaoru. With some effort she swallowed her irrational fear and forced herself to speak through lips stiff with fear. "She would like a furo. Would you prepare the fire, Ken-san?" Kami but it frightened her how his features had hardened, his easy going nature withering away to cold fury, his gentle violet eyes filling with the rage of amber. She'd only seen his eyes change in such a way once, the night he'd fought against Saito Hajime in Kaoru's doujou. It had frightened her then to see the man she'd come to know as being gentle and kind become filled with violent fury. She knew that if he ever discovered the identity of the man who'd attacked Kaoru so viciously he'd kill him, casting aside his vow to never take another life. What would become of Kaoru then? He'd leave her for sure, fearing that she would be horrified by his actions, hating him for killing no matter what the reason. But would she? She knew Kaoru loved him, but could she accept him with blood on his hands? Blood shed for her? "Ken-san…please…" She whispered, tugging on the sleeve of his faded gi, needing to bring the situation back into perspective. She couldn't allow herself to think such dark thoughts about one of her closest friends. She knew, deep down, that he would never intentionally cause harm to her or Kaoru. It just wasn't in him to lash out indiscriminately, no matter what demons were plaguing his troubled heart and soul. For a moment she stared at the sleeve she held. **Such a ridiculous color for a man…** It was an inconsequential thought, one bordering on her own feelings of despair and inadequacy. She looked to Kaoru as a younger sister, and it hurt her deeply that she hadn't been able to protect her from the ugliness of the world.
Drawing in a calming breath, he pushed the rage he felt aside and turned slowly to face her. "Megumi-dono…please return to Kaoru-dono…she will be frightened if she's alone for long." He closed his eyes and drew in another breath, willing the rage to recede, to allow his mind to function with its usual clarity. "I will see to the furo." He stepped off the engawa and crossed to the bathhouse, thankful for the activity that would give him something to occupy his thoughts. He needed to find a focus for his troubled mind and physical labor seemed the best outlet to the anger he still felt pulsing through his body, threatening to break his tenuous hold on his control.