Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic
Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment
All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale.
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Endurance
By Chiruken
Chapter 5
She watched his retreating back as he crossed the yard, moonlight illuminating the scene with surrealistic clarity. His anger had not been decreased. If anything, it was worse this way, seething just beneath the surface. It was a terrible thing to contemplate. A man such as he was capable of anything if roused to fury…as he was now. She prayed that he didn't do something foolish and create a worse tangle for them to try to sort through. It wasn't that she didn't sympathize with his feelings…far from it. She understood more than she liked. She felt the same way, a horrifying thought for a supposed healer of mankind such as herself. But if she ever got her hands on the man responsible for causing so much pain amongst her friends…her surrogate family…she would do everything in her power to make him suffer a slow and agonizing death. Sighing wearily, fearing for the future of her friends…and herself…, she returned to the room she'd left the young woman in. Pausing to the side of the shouji, she gathered her usual calm exterior, making certain none of her violent thoughts were visible. There was no need to show Kaoru how she'd been affected by the events of the night. She hadn't thought herself capable of such vicious hate, but she was. She wouldn't subject the young woman waiting for her in the warm room to the negativity of her thoughts. Forcing a smile, she stepped through the shouji and nodded to her briskly. "It won't be long."
She breathed a soft sigh of relief when she saw the older woman. She'd been half afraid that the doctor had abandoned her, overcome with disgust for her now. It was an irrational thought, she knew, but a very real fear. She was changed, she knew it, and she didn't know how to behave anymore. She couldn't be the person she'd been before…before the **incident**. She couldn't even bring herself to fully acknowledge what had happened. Intellectually she knew what had happened to her, but emotionally she just wasn't ready to face it yet. She would find a way to cope, she knew she would. She just needed time to gather herself and push the vague memories to the back of her mind until she was fully capable of dealing with them. But at the moment, another concern was eating away at her and she couldn't quite push the fear she felt inside away from her consciousness. Irrational it may be, but it was how she felt. So, he nodded and turned her gaze to the hands she clutched together in her lap. "I-is he very angry?" She whispered, knowing that the other woman would know who she meant without further elaboration.
She'd watched the play of emotions over her younger friend's delicate and bruised features, heart constricting at the pain she was trying to hide. Kaoru was a strong woman, but would she be able to tap into her inner strength? Would she be able to overcome such a traumatic event? It took a moment for her words to penetrate passed the tumultuous thoughts roiling through her mind. As understanding dawned, her eyes widened, tears filling them before she quickly blinked them back. She wouldn't cry, not in front of Kaoru. She owed it to her friend to be strong enough for the both of them. She crossed the room quickly and knelt beside her friend where she sat motionless on the futon. "Not at you, Kaoru. Please, never think that. He's angry that some one could hurt you, but he'd never blame you for something that was so out of your control."
She felt relief flood through her. She'd hoped…needed…the reassurance of the older woman, but still, deep inside, she doubted. She couldn't help it. She hadn't been able to hear the words exchanged, the distance between the room she was in from the engawa to great for proper eavesdropping, but she'd heard the tones. Kenshin's voice had been so angry, it was frightening. It was rare for the normally calm and gentle rurouni to show such negative emotions that it left her feeling off balance and very afraid. Sniffling, she fought to hold back her tears. She felt raw and she didn't want to cry anymore. "I know…" She whispered, still staring at her hands. "Megumi…how will I ever look at him again?"
Again, she had to fight the tears that threatened to overcome her control. The younger woman sounded so lost and alone it nearly broke her heart. But she knew that breaking down and crying as she wanted to would solve nothing. She was Kaoru's doctor, first and foremost at the moment. She could be her friend later, when the younger woman wasn't fighting to maintain her tentative hold on her raw emotions. She drew in a calming breath and inserted a briskness to her tone to hide her own wavering tone. "Like you always do. It wasn't your fault, remember that." She gripped her shoulder and shook her gently, needing her to understand the words, not just hear them. "He doesn't blame you and neither do I. You are still our Kaoru, our little tanuki. Nothing will ever change that, not this, nothing."
She smiled, a wavering and tremulous expression. Megumi wasn't being cruel, just practical. She was thankful that she wasn't allowing the tears shimmering in her eyes to fall nor to color her words and tone. She needed her strength to find her own. Her smile slipped away, the corners of her mouth tilting down as she sighed. "I feel different." She looked up slowly, meeting the other woman's gaze reluctantly, seeing the sympathy in her dark gaze and for a moment she allowed herself to bask in the knowledge that their friendship would endure, even through the trauma she'd just underwent. "I-I don't like this feeling. I'm afraid…" It was one of the hardest things for her to admit to the other woman. She'd always prided herself on her courage in the face of adversity, but nothing in her limited experience had ever prepared herself for something like this.
"I know…" She closed her eyes briefly, fighting to keep her voice steady. Kaoru was the strongest person she'd ever known. She knew, deep down, that if their roles had been reversed, she wouldn't have been able to face her fears as Kaoru was doing. Her heart swelled with pride and she was glad that she had such a friend. It made her strive to be a better person herself. "I know, Kaoru. But you don't have to be afraid around us."
She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She looked towards the open shouji, knowing that they were alone, but feeling a moment of irrational fear that somehow the rurouni would hear her frightened words. She hated the weakness she was displaying, but was powerless to stop herself. She returned her gaze to the other woman. She needed her reassurances now more than ever. She knew the lady doctor wouldn't lie to her, not now when it mattered so much. "I don't want to face him, Megumi. I'm afraid he'll hate me now."
"Never." She murmured, tears filling her eyes at the pain in the young woman's shimmering blue gaze. "He could never hate you." She smiled shakily and gently brushed the hair from her eyes. "He loves you too much." She'd thought to feel bitterness at the admission, yet she didn't. She'd fought for some time to accept the fact that the gentle rurouni would never return her affections towards him. He had eyes for Kaoru and no one else. She smiled a little more naturally, thinking that it was an odd time for her to make that realization. Perhaps now she could move on, be his friend and nothing more, no more expecting him to someday return one of her many embraces with feeling.
She was surprised by the other woman's words. She knew how Megumi felt about Kenshin, had always felt jealous anger towards her whenever she would visit at the doujou and drape herself over the rurouni, flirting shamelessly. She'd never expected her to actually say that the man she'd been actively pursuing from the moment she'd entered their lives was, in fact, in love with her. She smiled shakily and shook her head, deciding that the doctor was telling a well-meaning lie. "I know that isn't true, but thank you for saying it." She drew in a deep, shuddering breath and moved to stand, wincing at the discomfort she felt in her body. "It hurts." She whispered, leaning on the taller woman for support, giving her a thankful look before returning her gaze to the still open shouji. "How long will it hurt?"
"The furo should help relieve the physical discomfort. But the pain inside will take time. Remember, I'm here if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on." She placed her arm around the smaller woman for support, wincing in sympathy as she limped across the room. The younger woman had a resilient constitution on her side, so her body would recover quickly. Her physical training through kendou would see to that. But emotionally? She sighed inwardly. That, as she'd said, would take time. She didn't know how to start her on the long road to recovery. It was beyond her scope of understanding. She'd never experienced anything so traumatic herself, but she was determined to try to help her friend cope. All she could do was offer her support and unconditional love. She sighed, thinking it was sad that it had taken such a terrible event for her to finally admit, even if it was only to herself, how much she cared for the younger woman who had offered her friendship when she'd been so alone in the world. She vowed to be nicer to her in the future, to not taunt her mercilessly any more. **From now on I treat you as I would my own sister.** She silently promised the other woman.
She returned the sudden embrace, feeling comforted by the warmth of the other woman's actions. "I don't think I want to cry anymore." She shrugged, forcing a soft, bitter laugh. "I think I cried enough for two lifetimes already." She looked around the yard, seeing the fire at the bathhouse, but no sign of the rurouni. She breathed a silent sigh of relief. She wasn't ready to face him yet, no matter what Megumi said.
"Do you want me to stay?" Megumi helped her to sit on the small stool and reached for a bucket to dip into the warm water of the filled and steaming furo. When the young woman nodded she smiled sadly and helped her removed her ruined kimono, silently vowing to burn the garment the first opportunity she got. After helping her to clean herself of the physical reminders of her ordeal, she sat back and waited for her to say something. When she remained silent, staring instead at the floor sightlessly she sighed. "Would you like to sit in the furo, Kaoru?"
"Yes. I think that would help. My muscles hurt." She let the older woman help her to her feet and leaned on her as she led her to the steaming furo. Slowly, she sank into the welcoming warmth of the water, wincing as it stung against her tender flesh. "Itai…" She hissed softly, but forced herself to relax, leaning back against the wall. It stung, but it also soothed, the pain receding to an ache.
"Will you be all right for a few minutes? I want to get some clean towels from the house." She was reluctant to leave her alone, even if it was for a short time.
"I'll be fine…just…" She opened her eyes and smiled. "Just don't be too long, all right? I don't want to be alone for too long."
"I won't be long. I'll make you a medicinal tea to help sooth your aches and ease your mind." When she nodded she smiled and left, taking the torn kimono with her. Pausing outside, she leaned against the bathhouse and drew in a ragged breath, fighting to hold back her tears. She wouldn't cry…not until Kaoru was safely asleep and unaware. But it was hard. She felt raw, her emotions in turmoil. Anger, sadness, pain, remorse…all churned within her, creating a sickening feeling of helplessness.