Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic
Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment
All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale.
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Endurance
By Chiruken
Chapter 7
Her eyes snapped open at the unmistakable sound of the door opening and closing. Biting her lip in growing fear, she strained to hear above the frantic thudding of her heart against her ribs. Trying to hold her breath she sank a little lower into the steaming water. "Megumi?" Kaoru winced at the waver in her voice and peered through the steam, unable to see who had entered the bathhouse. Frowning, she felt a twinge of increased alarm race through her when she received no answer. "Hello? Who's there?" She sank further into the hot water, moving her arms to cover herself. She knew someone was in the bathhouse with her. Why weren't they answering? Her breath quickened with the sudden fear that her attacker had somehow found her and he'd returned to silence her before she could tell anyone who he was. Tears filled her eyes and she whimpered, thinking that she would remain silent, only if he'd leave her alone. She didn't want to die and if her promised silence would ensure her continued existence, she was willing to never remember anything about the night and the man who'd taken her. She was so lost in her misery and fearful thoughts that she didn't hear the footsteps approaching until it was too late. She drew in a sharp, gasping breath, horrified that she'd missed the steady approach of her unknown 'visitor'. The next instant her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to scream.
Quickly covering her mouth, he leaned forward, over the edge of the furo, ignoring the way the sleeves of his gi were getting soaked. Kaoru's terror was heart breaking. She was afraid of him. Gently smoothing her wet hair away from her face in an effort to calm her frantic struggles and ignored the way the water splashed over the edge of the furo to soak through his clothing. He peered into her frightened gaze and forced himself to smile. "Shh…Kaoru-dono…" He murmured softly, slowly removing his hand. He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her tight against his chest, never letting her go. He knew that he couldn't, though. He had no right to hold her, not now, not after his utter and complete failure to protect her from all danger. He hated feeling so helpless.
Drawing in a ragged breath, she stared up at the rurouni with wide, frightened eyes. "Kenshin? Wh-what are you doing here?" She sank further into the water, afraid of the way he was looking at her. He'd never looked at her with such intensity before. She wondered if it was because of what had happened to her. It had to be. He never would have purposely intruded on her privacy otherwise. She felt tears burning in her eyes. She'd been right. Their relationship had changed, perhaps beyond repair. Despair filled her, threatening to spill the tears over. Now that she was ruined all respect he may have held for her was gone, shattered without hope of redemption.
"I should have been with you, Kaoru-dono." He whispered softly, slowly kneeling beside the filled furo, resting his arms on the edge. Her tear-filled gaze would haunt his dreams for many nights to come. He'd seen the horror and sudden realization enter her blue eyes and though he didn't know what it was she'd concluded, he knew it was causing her pain. Lowering his head to his arms, he sighed, closing his eyes tightly. He didn't know how to ease her pain and aid her in her silent struggle. He was powerless to ease her troubled mind. "I'm sorry." He swallowed, feeling his eyes filling with tears again. It seemed such an inadequate utterance, totally meaningless in view of what he felt deep within his heart. "It's all my fault for forgetting to buy tofu." It was an inane comment, but deep down, he knew it to be the truth. If he hadn't have forgotten to go to the market earlier, she never would have felt the need to go herself.
Staring at his bowed head, she shivered. Could there still be a chance? Could their relationship, such as it had been, be salvaged? Could he overlook her loss of innocence and continue as her friend, even if he never returned her love? She felt she could be content just having him near, even if he never loved her as she loved him. She forced her mind away from the hopeful thoughts and focused instead on the immediate concerns facing her. "But…what are you doing here?" She knew it was a stupid question to ask, but it was plaguing her mind. She knew he was upset, had seen it in his amber ringed eyes…eyes that frightened her with the intensity held within…but it didn't explain why he was kneeling beside her while she sat, naked, in the furo. When he remained silent, merely knelt beside her, head bowed and resting on his arms, she cleared her throat. Her eyes strayed to his hands, seeing them clench into tight fists, knuckles turning white. "Kenshin, I'm not very comfortable…" She began hesitantly, needing to break the uncomfortable silence stretching between them. He was there for a reason, she was sure of it. He never would have entered the bathhouse without a reason.
He closed his eyes tighter, hating the quaver of fear in her voice. Was she afraid of him? Or was it just the situation, the circumstances from earlier? He prayed that was the reason. He couldn't bear it if she was afraid of him now. "I wanted to be close to you…" He slowly raised his head to look at her, feeling his heart constrict at the fearful way she was looking at him. His hopes were immediately dashed. It wasn't just the ordeal she'd endured. "It's different now, isn't it?" He asked softly, painfully. "You don't want me close anymore…" It was heart wrenching to know that his presence caused her such fear. Their relationship was now strained beyond repair. She couldn't stand to be near him anymore. Despair filled him and he swallowed, fighting to hold his emotions in check, not wanting to her to see how much her rejection devastated him.
Eyes wide with shock she stared at him in disbelief. He looked…shattered. That was the only word she could think of to describe the expression in his eyes. Could Megumi have been right? Did he really love her? If he did, it made the situation all that more unbearable. Shaking her head sharply, she reached out with a shaking hand and rested it on his arm, feeling the way his muscles tensed at the contact. She felt the need to comfort her gentle rurouni, to ease the heartache she saw reflected in his expressive eyes. Though he tried to hide it, he was hurt by her seeming rejection of his presence. "That isn't it…it's just that…" She swallowed and dropped her hand back into the water, not comfortable with the contact. "You've never done this before…" Not exactly true, she silently acknowledged, but the other times had been purely accidental.
For a moment he'd felt a small glimmer of hope when she'd reached out to him. It had been dashed when she'd dropped her hand back into the water. "Kaoru-dono…I…" He stopped and stood abruptly. There were no words to say what he felt deep within his heart. How could he convey the depth of his regret, the intensity of his sorrow? "I'm sorry." He turned his back, hands closing into fists at his sides as he bowed his head. The words weren't enough, never would be. "I wanted to see for myself that you were all right, that you…" He stopped and shook his head sharply. It didn't matter what he said now. Her rejection of him had been clear. Though his instincts screamed at him to return to her side, to confess all he felt for her, his pride wouldn't allow it. Perhaps later, when she was more recovered from the experiences of the night, but not now, not when both their emotions were so raw. He would hold onto a small bit of hope that somehow they could overcome this together, find happiness later, but until then, he would give her the space she so desperately needed. "I'm sorry." He repeated and hurried to the door. If he stayed, he'd break down in front of her and beg her to accept him, to forgive him for failing her when she needed him the most.
"Kenshin." She called to him softly, watching as he stopped at the door, hands braced on the wood as a breeze blew through the open window above her, dissipating the concealing steam. "Thank you." She shifted, resting her arms on the edge of the furo. "For burning my kimono." She'd heard the exchange between him and Megumi through the window.
He nodded before opening the door and stepping through, closing it quietly behind him, closing his eyes as he leaned against the rough wood, fighting to hold back the tears of despair threatening his control. He needed to hurt something…or rather someone. He needed to lash out and relieve the awful pain tearing at him, making his heart ache and his soul cry out in anguish. If he ever discovered who'd hurt his Kaoru in such horrible and brutal way, he'd kill him, regardless of the consequences. But first, he had to find him. Slowly opening his eyes he found himself staring into Megumi's enraged features. He blinked when she raised her hand and slapped him. Slowly lifting his hand to press against his stinging cheek he stared at her in confusion.