A/N - What do you think you get if you changed the witches in those fairy tales you always listened to as a kid and gave the story an HP twist? This...

Oh yes, and btw, though I rarely name the witch whose stories these are, her name is Nada Luck. Lol. And the time period is about when Hogwarts was founded, and yes, I KNOW the language isn't really appropriate to the age. I apologize, but it's hard to write a parody of a fairy tale that is somewhat humourous in the formal language of old. It's the Disney version, too, since there are many different and more gruesome versions, so I'll use the one we're all familiar with.

Disclaimer - I don't own anything that even sounds like it belongs to the world of Harry Potter. Nor do I own those silly things called fairy tales. Nope. No Marauders, no fairy godmothers, zip. Why me? If JK's reading this, may I borrow the Marauders, at least until Book the Sixth is published? Please? Pretty please? I'll take good care of them - what they may do to my hometown is another story. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssseeee?!

*~*~*

I squinted into the flowerpot. "Out of Floo powder again? Damn. I'm going to be late for the party. Maybe I have some spare? Somewhere? Anywhere?" I started rummaging through cupboards and drawers.

A pot of ink spilled and splattered all over my nice silvery-blue dress robes. Swearing under my breath, I pulled out my wand. "Evanesco."

Nothing happened. I tried again. No luck.

"Evanesco!" A little bit disappeared from one corner.

"EVANESCO!" I bellowed. Sometimes that's the only thing that works. The ink puddle disappeared with satisfying alacrity. Encouraged, I took on the ink stain on my robes.

"Scourgify!" Nothing.

"SCOURGIFY!" Nothing happened again.

"Scourgify?" I pleaded. The stain grew a shade lighter.

Maybe you've noticed by now. I'm not a very good witch. In fact, I'm almost a Squib. It's really embarrassing, but I'm learning to ignore the teasing. Only one of my taunters ended up in St. Mungo's this month.

I managed to get rid of the stain, finally, but I was really going to be late by then. I needed to get to the party - fast. That left one way - Apparating.

I groaned a bit. Oh, don't get me wrong. I can Apparate; I have my license and everything. But I only squeaked through the exam by the skin of my teeth and a lot of luck. I don't splich myself, but I'm still not very good at aiming. Sometimes I end up in the Sahara.

Crack.

I had better luck this time. I only ended up in a different part of England. But I landed in the cellar of a Muggle girl who was wearing a ratty, patched dress, and who was crying like her best friend had just been cursed by Salazar Slytherin.

I tried to get out of there quickly, but she looked up and saw me before I could Disapparate. Drat the luck!

"Who - who are you?" she hiccoughed fearfully. "How did you get here? I -"

Then she saw my wand. Her face brightened immediately. "Are you my fairy godmother?" she breathed in awe, scrambling to her feet.

Fairy godmother? Had someone given her a Babbling Draught? What was she talking about? I thought about doing a quick Memory Charm and Apparating out of there, but to tell the truth, my Memory Charms are worse than my Cleaning charms. Cringing at the too-recent memories of my last attempt, I decided not to try. Which left nothing but to play along.

"Yes, I am your fairy godmother," I said imperiously, attempting to speak in a wispy, ethereal-yet-authorative tone that I supposed might sound like a Muggle's idea of a fairy godmother. It wasn't easy. "How may I help you, my child?" I knew enough of superstitious Muggle lore to know that fairy godmothers are generally supposed to offer help to their 'goddaughter'. I was trying to play it safe.

She started crying again. I had a leaky faucet once that I tried to fix by magic, but ended up making worse. I was flooded out of my house for two days. This Muggle girl reminded me forcibly of it.

She wailed out her tale: "I live with my stepmother and two stepsisters, who treat me like a slave. I'm underfed and poorly clothed and the rats in the basement are my only friends. I keep dreaming that someday I'll break free, but all that comes is work, work, work."

I wanted to say, "Silly kid, you have to make your own chances. Luck rarely does you any good. Trust me, I've had too much experience in it." But she rushed on before I could say so. Probably just as well - if she hadn't hurried I was going to be so late it wouldn't even be fashionable. And I so hoped to show off my dress robes to my friends.

"The prince has recently announced a royal ball for all unwed maidens in the kingdom. My stepsisters have gone, watched by my stepmother, and they've forced me to stay and scour out the basement. Oh, woe is me! I so want to go, it would be like a dream come true, but I cannot."

I stifled a yawn.

"If only I had a dress, a carriage and shoes, then I could go, and be happy. I could live quite contentedly with such a happy memory to sustain me. Will you help me?"

I perked up. Sure, the girl seemed a bit ditzy, but I'm no fan of slave labour. Besides, this job sounded like it needed some Tranfiguration to me, and fortunately, that has always been one of my strongest points. Never mind that my work rarely lasts more than four hours. The girl expected me to help. The quicker I did it, the quicker I could get to my party. I was bound, now.

I Tranfigured her dress first into a pretty shimmery purply-red thing that became her very well. I muttered the spell under my breath, and before the change became apparent, I said a few nonsense words loudly. No need to endanger our world more than it already was. I don't remember what the words were, exactly. I think they were something like, "Bibbety bobbity boo!" They sounded entertaining at the time.

I Tranfigured her shoes into pretty glass-like slippers, and then I was stumped. She was all dressed up, she had a place to go - but no way to get there. A horse and a carriage - what could I Tranfigure - "Do you grow pumpkins?"

They did, and a few moments later we were standing outside in front of a rather magnificent - if I do say so myself - carriage. Now for the horses.

I picked a pair of radishes and attempted to Transfigure them. I got mice. I tried to Transfigure the mice - they went back to radishes. Damn. I'd never really gotten the hang of progressive Transfiguration, more's the pity. I found some cucumbers. I got dogs. No, that wouldn't do. Then I remembered -

"Be a good girl and bring up two of your rat friends from the cellar," I suggested hopefully.

She was back in a trice. I Tranfigured them, and got two pure white, absolutely adorable Shetland ponies. Well, they'd have to do, even though I was trying for Clydesdales. I hitched them to the front of the carriage (or was it the back? Both ends looked the same to me. I'm not used to Muggle inventions) while the girl looked on. I was rather annoyed. No wonder she had so much work piled up if she was so lazy. But then I supposed it must be another of those things that fairy godmothers do for you.

I caught her back with a quick warning before she stepped up into the carriage. "The spell will not last forever," I told her. My voice almost cracked. Stupid fake fairy godmother voice. "You must be home before -" I discreetly checked my watch and calculated - eight o'clock now, so - "Midnight." More or less. If it was a little less, surely she'd have enough sense to get out quick. "Have fun at the ball."

She just beamed at me wordlessly. I felt like I'd done my Good Deed for the day.

But as nice as the feeling of accomplishment was, I felt I'd hung around long enough. Hasta la vista, 'goddaughter'.

Crack.

This time I Apparated in the middle of a cold, dark, snowy wasteland. "Oh, for Merlin's sake -" I was exasperated, and already freezing cold.

Crack.

I Apparated in the middle of - guess where? The Sahara.

"Why me?" I yelled in disgust at the starry night sky. "I'm not the same old Nada! I'm a fairy godmother now, I'll have you know! I demand RESPECT!"

Yeah. As if.

*~*~*

A/N - This is the kind of story that young wizarding children grow up learning. Substantially different from the Muggle versions, eh? Lol. If you have any ideas of what fairy tale you'd like me to twist next, leave me your suggestion in a review or e-mail, the standard procedure.

REVIEW! or I'll get Nada to hex you. Lol. That should be interesting.