Usual disclaimer fits.  I will finish Shadows.  This is a separate fic, spoiler for first season "Stalked".  Olivia/Elliot (of course), Alex/Cragen (implied)

Ghosts

She woke up because she couldn't breathe.  She felt something wrapped around her throat.  She opened her eyes and she didn't know where she was, but she knew who was with her and she knew the look in her face.  "Hello, Olivia."  Richard White spoke softly, but had a tone in his voice that frightened her.  "Surprised to see me?  I told you that you wouldn't be able to kill me.  I told you that I'd be back."  He pulled out a gun and pointed it at her.  "Get on your knees."

"No."  She spoke for the first time, her mind still trying to figure out a way out of this, wherever she was.

"Get on your knees and crawl to me, bitch!"  He became agitated, angry.

"You can kill me.  I'm not doing it."

"Oh, I will kill you…either way.  You know I have to now.  You know that, don't you?  But if you don't, the next woman I'm with will be one of Detective Stabler's daughters.  Maureen?  Maybe both Maureen and Kathleen.  They're fast becoming very beautiful women.  How does Maureen like Columbia?"

Olivia knew when he mentioned the girls that she had no other choice.  Elliot was her best friend, the only person that she let near her heart anymore, and she knew it would kill him if anything happened to one of his children.  She got on her knees and crawled to him, hating herself for it, but knowing there was no other option.  He hit her with a baseball bat, but she refused to give an inch, so he hit her again, until she yelped from the pain and blood running down her head.

"Beg me.  Beg me for my forgiveness."

"No."

"What's that sorority house that Maureen's in again?  I know Kathleen has a soccer game tomorrow…maybe it'll be easier to do her first.  Outside the house, where Elliot can see."  He touched her, but she couldn't slap his hand away.

Closing her eyes, she forced herself to say the words he craved.  "Forgive me?"

He moved his thumb along her jaw line, clenched in anger, and forced her down.  He held the gun pressed against the side of her head as he urinated on her face and in her mouth, forcing her to swallow it.  Finally, he forced her down, slowly removing her clothes, removing his shirt but forcing her to remove his pants.  She fought against him, but he held her down, forcing himself inside, making her take all of him, pushing down so hard that she hurt.  He pulled out a knife and cut into her flesh, watching joyfully as her blood seeped onto the floor, and then left her there to bleed to death.

*****

Kathie Stabler got the kids off to school before sitting down at the table with her husband.  "Thanks for taking today off."  It was an almost unheard of occurrence for her husband to take a day off anymore.

"You said we needed to talk," Elliot replied, wishing he was at work, with Olivia.  He wondered if she had called off work too or gone ahead and gone in.

She nodded and sat there in silence for awhile before finally speaking again.  "I want a divorce."

Elliot sat there, as if he hadn't heard her.  "I thought we were gonna try again."  He'd been willing, if only for the children.  She couldn't look at him.  "Why are you doing this?"

"Maureen's in college.  Kathleen will be there in two years; Dickie and Elizabeth leave in six.  What happens then?"

"That's not the real reason, is it?"  He knew that she didn't love him anymore, he didn't love her in the same way either, but they needed to hear and say the words, if they were losing their marriage anyway.

She looked away again.  "I'm getting married…to someone else."

Elliot sat there, stunned.  After all the times Kathie had accused Olivia of coming between them, accused him of cheating with Olivia, she'd been having an affair.  "Do I know him?"  Not that it really mattered.

Kathie shook her head.  "He's a teacher at my school."

He nodded.  "How long?"

"Two years."  Silence passed between them.  "I want joint custody; the kids can see you anytime they choose.  We'll split everything equally.  I just don't want you to live here anymore…not that you ever did."

"What is that supposed to mean?"  Elliot asked, close to losing it.

"You've always been with Olivia, at work, not here, with us.  That's why I went to Brad in the first place."

"You're blaming your infidelities on me?  You've got to be kidding!"  The phone rang.  "Stabler.  What do you mean he's out?  How the hell can he be out?  No, I'll tell her.  Thanks, Munch."  He hung up.

"You have to go, don't you?"

"Yeah.  Pack up my clothes, take them to the station."

"Is it her?"  Kathie had the same tone that she always used when she suspected her husband of being more than partners with Olivia.

"Kathie, you don't get to have this conversation anymore."  He grabbed his keys and headed over to Olivia's apartment.

Elliot felt something wrong with Olivia didn't answer the door.  He still couldn't believe that Richard White was out of jail and that they'd waited until now to tell anyone.  White had tried the same thing with Olivia as he'd done with his victims and if he hadn't gotten convicted, Elliot would have killed him himself.  He raised his gun, entering the apartment, going from room to room, almost not seeing her.  When he did find her, he dropped his gun to the bed nearby and moved to the ground to protect her.  "Liv."  He stroked her forehead, trying to get her to wake up as he used the flat sheet of her bed to cover her and stop her bleeding.  She moaned in pain and his anger rose, at himself for not being here before and at White for hurting her.  "It's me.  I'm gonna call in and get some help."

"El."  She whispered.

"Yeah.  It's all going to be okay.  He's gone and I'll take care of you now."  He made the call, officer needs assistance, and asked for an ambulance and for someone to contact SVU.

*****

Donald Cragen came into the ER waiting room where Elliot Stabler was pacing.  "Munch and Fin are at the apartment; Alex is waiting to help on her end.  The whole office is working on it."

Elliot shook her head.  "Just a few cops.  Olivia wouldn't want work to stop because of White."

"Are you sure it was him?  Did she say anything?  Did you see him?"

Elliot shook his head.  "She was pretty bad by the time I got there and he was long gone.  But I know it was him.  He gets out last night and this morning Olivia's nearly killed?  I don't think it's a coincidence."

"Did the doctors say anything?"

"Not yet."  Elliot continued pacing. He'd always known something like this would happen to her.  He'd always been so frightened of it, like a shadow of someone or something bad.  You knew it was there, but you never could get to the actual person or thing in order to stop it.  So it kept coming and then, one day, it was here.

*****

Andrea Lanigan came into the waiting room two hours later.  Elliot stopped pacing and Cragen stood, not knowing where to begin the questions.  "Detective Olivia Benson?"

"I'm her partner."  He thought of Serena, her mom, which had died years before, the only family she'd ever had, biologically.  "She has no family."

"She was raped, both orally and vaginally.  He urinated in her mouth.  He hit her in the head several times with a blunt object, cut her with a knife."  Cragen closed his eyes, unable to imagine how much pain Olivia must have been in, and wanting what they all did, revenge, justice, and for no one to ever be able to hurt her again.

"Can I see her?"  Elliot asked, regaining a tenth of his composure.  Lanigan nodded before she left and a nurse showed them to Olivia's room.

Cragen cleared his throat.  "I'm gonna get back to the station.  Cabot said for you to call if you needed someone to stay with Olivia."  He wasn't about to let Stabler work this case and he hadn't noticed the detective volunteering.

Elliot nodded, watching Olivia.  There were no bruises on her face, the rest was covered with a hospital gown and sheet, so for a few seconds he could pretend that she was asleep upstairs in the loft at work.  She always reminded him of a princess in one of the girls' fairy tales, Snow White or Sleeping Beauty.  The sounds of machines brought him back to reality though and he remembered Cragen's comment.  "Thank her for us."  Cragen nodded and left, unable to stay there any longer.  Elliot sat down in a chair beside the bed, in case she needed anything.  All he was concentrating on, everything that mattered to him right now, was her safety, making sure that she was okay, that she got better.  Everything else could wait.

*****

The only time he felt reassured about anything was when she first opened her eyes.  He'd been sitting there at least four hours, watching her sleep, and the next thing he knew she was awake.  "El?"

"Yeah, I'm here, Liv.  I'm here."  He tried not to look so worried, knowing it would frighten her.  "I'll stay right here with you."

"Good."  He saw her tense up in pain and moved his hand to hers.  She folded her fingers over his hand, holding it automatically.  It comforted her to have him near.  "When I do talk…who do I talk to?"

"You can talk to Cragen, John, Fin, Logan…any of the SVU cops you want."

"Can't I just tell you?"  Her eyes were pleading with him.  It would be hard telling anyone, but for some reason, she wanted to be able to trust that he was taking care of it, that he'd make it better for her, like he always did.

He shook his head.  "I'm taking some time off, until you get better.  I didn't think it was a good idea for me to work the case."  He still wanted to kill White, wanted to turn the clock back and protect Olivia, not just because he was supposed to, but because he had to.  He was all she had; they were all each other had.  "But I'll be there if you want me to be."

She nodded.  "Please."  She spoke quietly, still holding his hand.

"Absolutely.  Wouldn't be anywhere else."  He half-smiled at her, wanting her to relax.  She closed her eyes as the pain medication began to take effect again and she fell back to slumber.

*****

Alex Cabot appeared in Cragen's office a few days after the rape.  "I just got your message.  What's up?"

"Olivia's coming in today, to make a statement."  She nodded.  It was still the only thing that the SVU cops talked about.  "Elliot's coming with her, but…"

"Do you want me to be here?"  She asked.

He nodded.  "Please."  He knew it was cowardly, but he didn't think he could face Olivia again, alone.

Her heart hurt for him and Elliot just as much as it did Olivia.  Cragen saw it his responsibility to take care of and protect his people.  He'd been the primary cop on the case, carefully selecting the detectives that he thought could handle the case.  Olivia had been in SVU for five years; there wasn't a cop that didn't know and respect her, most liked her.  Alex watched it all, the cops working the case twenty hours a day; she was staying with Olivia in the hospital an hour every day and saw how Elliot was taking it. "Of course.  It might be easier on her, not to have to repeat the story over and over again."

Silence fell in the station as every cop stopped what they were doing and looked up.  Elliot and Olivia walked through the doors together.  Elliot had only left her side for an hour each day.  "Back to work, people."  Cragen ordered, standing in the doorway of his office with Alex.  "Olivia, Elliot."  Cragen, Benson, Stabler, and Cabot walked to an interrogation room.  "You don't mind if Alex stays, do you?"  Olivia shook her head, glad that he wasn't going to make Elliot leave.

All four sat at the long, rectangle table.  It wasn't the first time any of them had heard a victim's story.  Still, somehow, it seemed different when it was happening to one of their own.  Elliot was still struggling to deal with everything, putting off thinking about the divorce until Olivia no longer needed him.  "May I record this?"  Cragen asked.  He didn't type and he would need some record of her statement.  She nodded and he pressed the record button on the tape player.  He announced himself, Olivia, and gave the date and time before saying, "You can start whenever you're ready."

All eyes were on Olivia as she began talking.  She disconnected herself from the story, like she was speaking of something that had happened to someone else, or like she was reading from a script, but there were still pauses where she couldn't think of the right word, didn't want to remember what had happened.  "I woke up because something was wrapped around my throat and I couldn't breathe.  I opened my eyes and saw Richard White there.  He asked me if I was surprised to see him, that he'd told me I wouldn't be able to kill him, that he'd told me that he'd be back.  He pulled out a gun and pointed it at me, told me to get on my knees.   At first, I told him no…and then he repeated it again, getting angry.  I told him that he could kill me, but I was not going to do it.  He told me that he was gonna kill me either way, that I had to know he was going to kill me.  Then…he threatened someone else…I had to do it.  He hit me with my bat.  I didn't react, so he kept hitting me until I did.  Then he told me to beg for forgiveness.  I told him no and he threatened them again.  I begged him, but he didn't say anything else.  He urinated on my face, in my mouth, and forced me to swallow.  He removed my clothes and his shirt, but made me take off his pants.  I fought him off, but he held me down and then he pushed inside…raped me.  When he was done, he pulled out a knife and cut me, then left." She couldn't look at Elliot and saw Cragen's red eyes, so she concentrated her gaze on Alex.  Cragen cleared his throat and turned the recorder off.  He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do now, tell her it would be okay, thank her for telling her story, tell her how sorry he was, tell her that he would personally see that this was the last time White ever hurt anyone…he sat sat there in silence.

"Olivia…who did he threaten?"  Alex asked.

Still unable to look at Elliot, she answered.  "Maureen and Kathleen."  Elliot tensed, but reached for her hand.  He could protect the girls, but he hated the fact that they were what he'd threatened her with.  There were unshed tears in his eyes and he just wanted to hold her and reassure her that he would take care of her, that she didn't need to worry about anything ever again, that he was sorry he hadn't protected her…he blamed himself.

Alex spoke.  "His DNA was all over, so when we find him, convicting him will be easy.  We'll arrange protection in case the girls need it."

Olivia nodded.  "Thank you, Alex."  She couldn't think of anything else to say and finally looked at Elliot.

"Captain, when can we get into Olivia's apartment again?"  Elliot asked, shifting his gaze to Cragen for a second.  Olivia had insisted on coming by the first day out of the hospital and, now that she told her story, she needed some place to call home.

"They've collected all the evidence; I don't see why she couldn't go there now."  Elliot nodded, thanking him, and then walked out with Olivia.  The detectives that they'd known for years stared at them as they left, but he saw that they were sympathetic, not gawkers, and he continued to escort her out, knowing that, if it had been another detective in the squad, they might have been tempted to do the same.

"I'm sorry."  Olivia said when they were out in the parking lot.

"About the girls?"  Olivia nodded.  "It's okay.  They're gonna be fine.  I'm just sorry he did that to you."  His family was the reason his partner had been raped.  White had used his family against Olivia…and that hurt.

"I would never let them be hurt."

Elliot nodded, still holding her hand.  "I know.  Let's get you home, huh?"

"Do you need to go home?"  She suddenly realized he hadn't seen his family since she'd woken up.

"I'll call the girls, make sure they're okay."

"What about Kathie and the twins?"  She watched him tense up.  "What?"

"We'll talk about this after you're home."  She nodded and let him help her into the car.

*****

She fell asleep in the car on the way home and, careful not to hurt or wake her, he carried her upstairs to her apartment.  Not thinking, he placed her in her bedroom, on her bed, and walked back to the couch to get some much needed sleep of his own.  The peace only lasted an hour before he felt her wake up and that she needed him.  Rubbing his eyes, he walked back to her bedroom and sat on the bed.  "Are you okay?"  He could tell she wasn't and then thought about it.  "Oh, God, Liv.  I'm so sorry.  I…Come on.  Let's get the hell outta here, huh?"  He walked with her to the couch.  "Do you need anything?"  She nodded.  "What?"

"A hug."  She looked almost embarrassed about it and she was shaking slightly.

"Anytime."  He hugged her for a little while, hating himself for forgetting, for letting her wake up in the room where she'd been raped.  He knew better.  "Cabot said you could stay with her if you wanted.  You don't have to stay here."

Instead of answering the question, she changed the subject.  "You told me you'd tell me about Kathie and the twins when we got home."

"It's not really important."

"Yes, it is."

He couldn't argue with her about that.  "Kathie and I are getting a divorce."

She sat up, out of his embrace.  "God, Elliot.  I'm so sorry."

"Part of me is, but I think a larger part of me isn't.  I still love her, but I'm not in love with her anymore.  I haven't been for years."

She nodded.  She'd known that.  "I thought you weren't gonna leave the kids though."

"She was right about one thing.  Maureen's graduated, Kathleen will in two years, and Dickie and Elizabeth in just a few more.  What happens then?  I don't want them growing up thinking what Kathie and I had was what a marriage was supposed to be."  He liked the idea of having a marriage as a partnership where both partners were madly in love with each other, couldn't live without each other.

"But she was the one who asked, wasn't she?"  She could read him better than anyone else, even Kathie.

"Yeah.  She's got someone else she wants to marry."

Olivia paused.  She knew exactly how Kathie had time and had known for years how she did it, but she didn't know how Kathie could do it.  She would never hurt Elliot that way.  "I'm so sorry."

"You know the hell of it?"  She shook her head, willing to listen.  "She blames it on me.  She blamed her cheating on my never being home.  Hell, maybe it is my fault."

Olivia put her hand on top of Elliot's.  "No.  It's not.  It's Kathie's.  Every cop works around the same number of hours and some cops have happy marriages."

"Name one in SVU."

"Cragen was married."  She tried to think of someone else, but couldn't think of anyone.

"Not while in SVU.  It's a marriage killer."

"You could have gotten out."

He thought about leaving Olivia and he hated to even consider it.  "No.  I couldn't."  She nodded, knowing what he meant.

*****

She woke up a few hours later, as he was on the phone.  She waited silently, wondering if he was checking on the girls.  "Thanks, John."  He hung up and stood there for a few minutes, head down, not moving.

"Elliot?"

He cleared his throat and turned to look at her.  "That was Munch.  He wanted me to tell you it's over."  He could barely believe it himself.

"It's over?"

Elliot nodded.  "White tried to escape…he was shot and killed."  She lay there, not moving, and he went to the couch, holding her in his arms, her head against him.  "It's over.  It's all over."  He rubbed her back gently, making sure he didn't hurt her.  "It's all over."  He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the sofa, and repeated the words about, knowing they both needed to hear it.  "He's gone.  It's over."