Hey again, I doubt I'll be able to get this all finished by Sunday – sorry. However it most likely will be done in the next week.
Thanks for all your reviews…you guys are great!
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Greg stood in Grissom's office, very quietly. He willed Grissom to look at him; he refused to announce his presence.
He was incredibly mad right now. Nick had told Grissom about his plans to leave; and Grissom had already signed it. No discussion; no meetings with the other CSI's. Nick basically announced he was leaving at the end of a shift – no plans were made for a party – and they couldn't even have a subsequent party. Nick was taking a flight out of Vegas that night; up to New York. He was planning on having a road trip down the east coast – then flying out to Europe.
He left two days ago. Grissom had refused point-blank to discuss it. Sara was giving him the silent treatment.
Basically everyone was projecting their bad feelings about Nick leaving onto Grissom…but right now, Greg didn't really care.
Sometimes blame was a good thing. Grissom could have handled it differently; said something; said anything.
But everything occurred behind closed doors.
And now, he hated Grissom. He'd let Nick leave.
Grissom had allowed his best friend to leave. And Greg felt so helpless; he knew Nick was planning on leaving; but not so soon.
"Yes?" Grissom said, slightly annoyed – he hadn't realised Greg was standing there – and had no idea how long he had been.
His hearing had gone again. Well, he assumed it had; some days the lab was so quiet, it was hard to tell.
"Why'd you let him leave," Greg said, staring coldly at Grissom, folding his arms. Greg no-longer felt afraid of Grissom; because he wasn't so different.
Grissom had his ways; but that didn't make his special – he applied pressure, and he took himself way too seriously. It gave him an aloof air. But that was nothing to be afraid of.
Greg was loosing his fear of most things.
Because if you cant even control your own body; and know if will eventually kill you; what else is there to be afraid of?
Grissom sighed, and took his glasses off, "he wanted to leave Greg, I couldn't stop him," Grissom stressed. He didn't want this conversation.
He'd had enough with Sara giving him condemning looks.
"You're his boss, of course you could have!" Greg yelled.
"Greg," Grissom started, thinking about how to phrase his answer carfully enough not to be rebuked, "this isn't an office job. In an office job, you can go in and not care about your work. You and your work can be totally separate. Working here, with what we do is different. We…we need to be at our best."
"He was a good team player." Greg said, desperately trying to clutch at straws in Nicks defence.
"Greg, this isn't about you," Grissom said, hoping Greg would take the hint.
"What?" Greg responded, completely oblivious to what Grissom was referring to
"You're afraid that because you think I let nick go easily, I might not put up a fight to keep you." Grissom said honestly.
Greg stared at Grissom, but his stare in returned forced his eyes elsewhere, 'how does he know these things?' Greg thought. It occasionally annoyed Greg; Grissom was perceptive, he had incite into things that you did, he made observations on your behaviour. And the observations were accurate. Maybe to accurate.
"He was good at his job – and you just let him go." Greg said, hoping that Grissom would give him an explanation. He needed something. Just because he wasn't afraid of anything, didn't mean he didn't want reassurance.
Because in the end; how ever much you believe you care about others, its all selfish. The only motivation is self-preservation. You believe you are doing things for others, but you are really doing them for yourself.
Nick was a good friend; having him gone meant less people to make his life easier. It was best to think of people that way; as tools. When you loose a tool you don't get upset.
Greg sighed in defeat. Talking to Grissom was not unlike trying to get blood from a stone. "I guess," Greg said, heading for the door.
But before he did, Grissom spoke again. "Greg, shut the door, I need to talk about something else," He said, his tone was serious.
"What?" Greg questioned, shutting the door, and sitting on the chair opposite Grissom.
"I'm getting a new lab tech." Grissom said forcefully.
Greg turned pale. 'Did he just say that?' Greg thought; it was a shocking blow.
"You're replacing me?" Greg said, concern trembling his voice.
"Yes, no, no I'm not." Grissom stumbled, "I'm getting a new lab tech - they can work part time along side you." Grissom clarified.
"What? Get me to train them, then out me?" Greg said bitterly with cynicism.
"I'm not saying that Greg! For one, Greg, you have to admit that your condition does disable you. I know that's hard to admit…" Grissom swallowed, he only knew too well how hard it was to admit disabilities. "…But you have to admit it. But I've been thinking about this for awhile; before you ever got diagnosed. The labs stretched – we need more lab techs." Grissom insisted.
"I guess it would be nicer not to be so rushed of my feet." Greg said, with a small smile, trying to be positive. All he could hope was that Grissom was speaking the truth.
Greg sighed, and got up, he open his mouth, but hesitated before speaking.
"You know grissom, it doesn't matter to me." Greg said seriously.
"What?" Grissom questioned, assuming he was referring to a new lab tech.
"Hearing isn't everything."
Grissom half-laughed, "What do you mean Greg?" Grissom said lightly, trying to brush the comment off. 'Surely Greg didn't know?'
"I may not be a CSI Grissom, but some things…you screen out during meetings, you watch peoples lips, you know sign language…most people who know how to sign either know someone who's deaf…but linked with the other signs…"
Grissom cut him off, "Greg I'm not…"
"…Grissom, it, it doesn't matter to me. I'm not going to tell anyone."
From Grissom's response; Greg was now sure of it. Grissom had problems with his hearing.
And he hadn't told anyone.
And he was managing.
Greg wondered if it had been a good idea to tell others about his diagnosis; things had gone down hill since then.
He could have managed…
…if no one noticed Grissom's hearing, surely no one would notice his tremors?
He felt sick with regret.
All this pain could have been avoided.
If only he'd stayed quiet…
Thanks for all your reviews…you guys are great!
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Greg stood in Grissom's office, very quietly. He willed Grissom to look at him; he refused to announce his presence.
He was incredibly mad right now. Nick had told Grissom about his plans to leave; and Grissom had already signed it. No discussion; no meetings with the other CSI's. Nick basically announced he was leaving at the end of a shift – no plans were made for a party – and they couldn't even have a subsequent party. Nick was taking a flight out of Vegas that night; up to New York. He was planning on having a road trip down the east coast – then flying out to Europe.
He left two days ago. Grissom had refused point-blank to discuss it. Sara was giving him the silent treatment.
Basically everyone was projecting their bad feelings about Nick leaving onto Grissom…but right now, Greg didn't really care.
Sometimes blame was a good thing. Grissom could have handled it differently; said something; said anything.
But everything occurred behind closed doors.
And now, he hated Grissom. He'd let Nick leave.
Grissom had allowed his best friend to leave. And Greg felt so helpless; he knew Nick was planning on leaving; but not so soon.
"Yes?" Grissom said, slightly annoyed – he hadn't realised Greg was standing there – and had no idea how long he had been.
His hearing had gone again. Well, he assumed it had; some days the lab was so quiet, it was hard to tell.
"Why'd you let him leave," Greg said, staring coldly at Grissom, folding his arms. Greg no-longer felt afraid of Grissom; because he wasn't so different.
Grissom had his ways; but that didn't make his special – he applied pressure, and he took himself way too seriously. It gave him an aloof air. But that was nothing to be afraid of.
Greg was loosing his fear of most things.
Because if you cant even control your own body; and know if will eventually kill you; what else is there to be afraid of?
Grissom sighed, and took his glasses off, "he wanted to leave Greg, I couldn't stop him," Grissom stressed. He didn't want this conversation.
He'd had enough with Sara giving him condemning looks.
"You're his boss, of course you could have!" Greg yelled.
"Greg," Grissom started, thinking about how to phrase his answer carfully enough not to be rebuked, "this isn't an office job. In an office job, you can go in and not care about your work. You and your work can be totally separate. Working here, with what we do is different. We…we need to be at our best."
"He was a good team player." Greg said, desperately trying to clutch at straws in Nicks defence.
"Greg, this isn't about you," Grissom said, hoping Greg would take the hint.
"What?" Greg responded, completely oblivious to what Grissom was referring to
"You're afraid that because you think I let nick go easily, I might not put up a fight to keep you." Grissom said honestly.
Greg stared at Grissom, but his stare in returned forced his eyes elsewhere, 'how does he know these things?' Greg thought. It occasionally annoyed Greg; Grissom was perceptive, he had incite into things that you did, he made observations on your behaviour. And the observations were accurate. Maybe to accurate.
"He was good at his job – and you just let him go." Greg said, hoping that Grissom would give him an explanation. He needed something. Just because he wasn't afraid of anything, didn't mean he didn't want reassurance.
Because in the end; how ever much you believe you care about others, its all selfish. The only motivation is self-preservation. You believe you are doing things for others, but you are really doing them for yourself.
Nick was a good friend; having him gone meant less people to make his life easier. It was best to think of people that way; as tools. When you loose a tool you don't get upset.
Greg sighed in defeat. Talking to Grissom was not unlike trying to get blood from a stone. "I guess," Greg said, heading for the door.
But before he did, Grissom spoke again. "Greg, shut the door, I need to talk about something else," He said, his tone was serious.
"What?" Greg questioned, shutting the door, and sitting on the chair opposite Grissom.
"I'm getting a new lab tech." Grissom said forcefully.
Greg turned pale. 'Did he just say that?' Greg thought; it was a shocking blow.
"You're replacing me?" Greg said, concern trembling his voice.
"Yes, no, no I'm not." Grissom stumbled, "I'm getting a new lab tech - they can work part time along side you." Grissom clarified.
"What? Get me to train them, then out me?" Greg said bitterly with cynicism.
"I'm not saying that Greg! For one, Greg, you have to admit that your condition does disable you. I know that's hard to admit…" Grissom swallowed, he only knew too well how hard it was to admit disabilities. "…But you have to admit it. But I've been thinking about this for awhile; before you ever got diagnosed. The labs stretched – we need more lab techs." Grissom insisted.
"I guess it would be nicer not to be so rushed of my feet." Greg said, with a small smile, trying to be positive. All he could hope was that Grissom was speaking the truth.
Greg sighed, and got up, he open his mouth, but hesitated before speaking.
"You know grissom, it doesn't matter to me." Greg said seriously.
"What?" Grissom questioned, assuming he was referring to a new lab tech.
"Hearing isn't everything."
Grissom half-laughed, "What do you mean Greg?" Grissom said lightly, trying to brush the comment off. 'Surely Greg didn't know?'
"I may not be a CSI Grissom, but some things…you screen out during meetings, you watch peoples lips, you know sign language…most people who know how to sign either know someone who's deaf…but linked with the other signs…"
Grissom cut him off, "Greg I'm not…"
"…Grissom, it, it doesn't matter to me. I'm not going to tell anyone."
From Grissom's response; Greg was now sure of it. Grissom had problems with his hearing.
And he hadn't told anyone.
And he was managing.
Greg wondered if it had been a good idea to tell others about his diagnosis; things had gone down hill since then.
He could have managed…
…if no one noticed Grissom's hearing, surely no one would notice his tremors?
He felt sick with regret.
All this pain could have been avoided.
If only he'd stayed quiet…