AN: This is another 'meet the family' chapter. Time for some more strange relatives!
Sarah
"30 seconds!"
I wasn't going to survive this. Meeting more of their insane family members? Why did we even have to do this? No one cared what their parents thought. Or their sister, or brothers, or aunts, etc…
"15!"
I wasn't getting paid enough for this. Oh, well. My first big time job…I had to do what they told me. And interviewing the family…that was just part of my paycheck.
"5!"
I put on my best smile for the camera, and then waited for the red light to come on.
"Hello. Today we're going to be meeting more family members that have agreed to come in for an interview. We'll start with Specs's mother, Aubrey."
A woman walked in, looking very high strung and smiling fake for the cameras as she sat down and fidgeted the whole time I spoke.
"Thank you for coming, Aubrey."
"You're welcome."
"Here's the obvious question…everyone wants to know how you feel about Specs and Dutchy's relationship."
She fidgeted some more. "It's just a fling. I'm sure when he leaves the house he'll come to his senses."
"You're sure about that?"
"I'm positive. He's just been stuck in that house for too long. It's messing with his mind."
"And what do you think of the other house guests?"
"I think they're all insane. I think that big brother needs to give them courtesy therapy while they're here."
Whoa. What an opinion. Who's mind had been messed with here?
"Do you see any possibility of Specs winning?"
She fidgeted some more, and I wondered if she had drank too much coffee or something. "I suppose he might. I really don't know. And frankly, I don't care. I wouldn't mind him coming home today."
"Well, thank you, Aubrey."
She got up and walked out. Turn back to the camera, read the cue card. "Our next guest will be Bumlets's father."
The door opened and a very large man walked in, and then strutted to the chair. He sat down and flashed me a smile.
"Hello, Mr. Warkan."
"Hello, Sarah."
"So what do you think so far?"
He thought for a moment, leaning forward in the chair. "I think he's playing the game smart. I really do. He's a smart kid."
"And what about the other house guests?"
"They're very interesting people. Bumlets is really getting an education of the best kind, spending time with other people his age who he never would've met otherwise. I think it's good for him."
"And what about the relationships in the house?"
He rolled his eyes. "Mush and Blink need to be given a candlelight dinner. They really do. Some quality time. Cause they're both the most naïve people on earth when it comes to this."
"Are you saying we should put thoughts in their head?"
"You can't put thoughts in their heads if they're already there. They've just got to figure it out."
"Well, thank you for your time, Mr. Warkan."
"No problem. Anytime."
He walked out, and I looked back to the cue card. "Our next guest is Race's cousin, Grace."
A girl that looked a bit younger than Race walked in and sat down, a huge grin on her face.
"Hi Grace."
"Hi, Sarah!"
Okay, this one didn't seem too bad. Maybe she actually came close to being what you would call normal. "So what do you think of what's going on in the house?"
She leaned forward and did this weird bouncy thing. "Do you really wanna hear the scoop?"
"Go right ahead."
"Well, I mean, gay people usually freak me out, but Specs and Dutchy are just too, like, cute. And Mush and Blink need to be shoved into a dark closet together. Get it? Coming out of the closet? Anyway…"
Oh God. She sounded like a fucking valley girl. Was she ever going to stop?
"I have bets going at home on how long Race is gonna last before Skittery kicks his ass. But I wouldn't mind that, cause ya know, like, Race is my cousin, and Skittery is a hottie. I mean, oh my God, he is just, like, too cute. Me and my friends have posters of him in our room that we printed off the internet. Yeah, he's like, hot. Anyway…"
She was talking so fast I could barely tell what she was saying. This was crazy. She had a time limit. How was I going to stop her?
"Yeah. Spot is hot too, he's just, like, too short for me, and short guys don't play well on my preferences, ya know? Yeah."
I couldn't stand it anymore. I broke in, keeping the smile on my face. "Well, thank you for sharing, Grace."
She continued babbling on and on until she was out the door, and I turned back and eagerly read my next cue card.
"Next we'll have Itey's father joining us."
A nicely dressed man walked in, shaking my hand before he sat down.
"Hello, Mr. Kent."
"Hi there Sarah. How are you?"
Wow. This guy was much too hot to be the father of a teenage boy. "I'm very well. What's your opinion on the happenings in the house?"
"Well, for one thing, I am going to shake Spot's hand when he gets out. I really appreciate what he's been doing for Itey."
"Understandably. What about the other house guests?"
"I think they're all pretty much very nice young men. They seemed a bit edgy to me at first, but they all have their reasons, I suppose. And Itey's learning a lot."
"Oh, I almost forgot. Is your wife okay? I mean, she was in tears the last time she came."
"Yes, she's fine. This is the first time Itey's left home for more than a week. She's just worried."
"Do you think there's a chance that Itey may win?"
"There's always a chance. I can't really say either way."
"Well, thank you, Mr. Kent."
"Anytime, Sarah."
Whew. That one was a relief. At least semi-normal.
"Our next guest…well…is not actually a family member…this is Skittery's friend, Ace."
Oh. My. God. This guy was scary. He had crosses painted on his face, he was wearing makeup, he had a bright neon green Mohawk, and his pants were seven sizes too big. He looked like the grim reaper gone punk. I shook his hand reluctantly and he collapsed into the chair.
"Hello Ace."
"Wassup, Sarah?"
"Not much. So what do you think so far?"
"I'm surprised everyone's still alive."
"I beg your pardon?"
He smiled. "Skittery's like a fuckin' time bomb, dude. You cross him once, he goes off on you and he doesn't forget. It's fuckin' crazy, man."
I arched an eyebrow. "Oh, really."
"Yeah, dude. You just wait till he goes postal. It's great entertainment, man."
I swallowed hard, not quite believing him. "I'm sure it will be. What do you think of the other house guests?"
"They're cool. They're all cool, dude."
"What about the romantic relationships that seem to be forming?"
"Well dude, I'm gay, so I don't care. Mush and Blink need a good hit on the head though. They don't have a clue. It's like a fuckin' soap opera, dude."
"Well…thanks for sharing, Ace."
"No prob, dude."
With that he was out the door and I turned to my cue card. "Our next guest is Dutchy's father-in-law."
The door opened and a nerdy looking guy walked in, adjusting his glasses as he sat down.
"Hi Mr. Sheriden. How are you?"
"I'm alright, I'm fine. And you?"
"Just great. Let's start with the obvious issue here: Specs and Dutchy."
He shrugged. "Dutchy could've done a whole lot worse. I would rather have him with Specs than most of the females out there. Specs has a good head on his shoulders."
"And what does Dutchy's mother think?"
"She's, um…warming up to the idea. Slowly. But I think she's getting to the point of accepting it. She's actually starting to worry about Specs, you know, after he gets out. And she wants me to deliver a message to you for Specs."
"What's that?"
"If he gets kicked out before Dutchy…well, even after Dutchy…and he's scared to go to his own home, our home is open to him anytime."
"That is so sweet! You are a very kind person. Both of you are. I'll be sure to deliver the message when he leaves the house. After all, I'd be the first person to see him when he leaves. Interviews, you know."
"Thank you."
"And thank you for your time."
"The pleasure is all mine, Sarah."
He left, and the warm fuzzy feeling left with him. I still had three more interviews to do.
"Our next guest is Spot's aunt, Tina."
A not-so-great looking woman in a bright pink thigh high dress stepped through the door, doing a 'model walk' to the chair and flipping her not-so-natural blond hair over her shoulder. I practically gagged right then and there.
"Hello, Tina."
"Hi Sarah." She said, her New Jersey accent taking over the whole room. I wanted to get this one over very fast.
"So what do you think so far?"
She smiled and did this weird gesture with her hands. "Well, you know, I'd just like to take Itey home and give him a big hug. Isn't he just the cutest little thing on Earth?"
"Um…well, what do you think of Spot's strategy in the house?"
"He's a little deary, isn't he? I can see him counting that money right now…"
"Well, thank you for your opinions."
"Oh, your welcome, hon."
She stood up and strutted out, and I moved on, wondering what nightmares I would have from that.
"Next Blink's ex-girlfriend, Reno, will be joining us to talk."
A supermodel-worthy girl walked in, wearing a black mini-skirt and platform shoes about seven inches high. Her top was very low cut and form fitting, and her brown hair shimmered in the light.
I suddenly felt very, very outdone.
Why the HELL had Blink broken up with HER?
"Hello, Reno."
"Hello, Sarah." She said, flashing a movie-star worthy smile at the camera.
"Let's start off with an interesting question. What ended your relationship with Blink?"
"He wouldn't sleep with me."
Whoa. Back up, rewind, play again. "And the relationship ended over that?"
"Yeah. I thought it was just because the little brat was a virgin and he was nervous, but I guess I should've seen that he was gay. I mean, who could pass this up?"
Okay. I officially hated her now.
"So do you approve of anything that may happen between Mush and Blink?"
"Oh, yeah. I don't care now. Although I honestly don't get what he sees in a poor country boy."
"What about the other house guests? Any opinions on them?"
"Well, I guess I'm a sucker for the feisty criminals. Skittery has got to be my fav out of the house. Specs and Dutchy? It's too bad they're gay. They're very cute."
"Well, thank you for coming."
"Yes, well, I need to get back to my movie set now. They're waiting on me."
What did Blink ever see in her?! I was suddenly glad him and Mush had hit it off.
"Last but not least, we have Mush's mother here."
A woman in a plain brown dress walked in, her hair up in a messy bun. She smiled and shook my hand as she sat down.
"Hello, May."
"Hello, Sarah."
"Let's start with the obvious. Mush and Blink. Your comments?"
"Nothing is going to happen between them. The second Mush steps out that door, I'm dragging him down to the church and locking him in it. I'll make him live in chastity if I have to."
"Isn't that a little harsh?" I was shocked that she could say all this with nothing more than sweetness in her voice.
"No."
Okay. Next question. "And what about the other house guests?"
"They're demons. Sent straight from hell to tempt and corrupt my precious son." Her eye began to twitch, and she was kind of scaring me. "But he's smarter than that. He won't give in to the demons."
This. Lady. Was. CRAZY! She was saying all this without inflection, like it was completely normal!
"And what if something more forms between him and Blink?"
"Then I will make him a nun if I must."
Oh God, she was totally serious.
"I thought only women could be nuns…and aren't you Protestant, not Catholic?"
"That's beside the point. Nothing will happen. Satan will not take my son. He will not fall into temptation, for the Lord Almighty is with him."
"Well…interesting opinions. Thank you for coming."
"May God bless you, Sarah."
AN: That was VERY fun! Next chapter, nominations, and
something happens in the house that turns everything upside down…stay
tuned…and review!