Title: China Patterns
Author: Anni
Email: asleeper@email.arizona.edu
Summary: Jackie deals with the aftermath of her season two break from Kelso and her changing views on love.
Notes: This story was inspired by Alison Krauss's "Could You Lie," a song that I highly recommend.
Another Note: Big thanks to Tania. She rocks the casbah with her beta-ing skills.
The house lay quiet and still around her, settled into the peaceful night like a child wrapped up in its empty dreams. She was left home. Alone. Again.
It was not a situation that felt unfamiliar to her. In fact, recently, it had been happening more and more. Daddy had to work if she wanted all of her pretty things. Late nights were required for her to be able to get that beautiful red mustang she wanted for her up coming birthday. It was part of the job and part of life, and she couldn't be seen wearing last season's shoes. So, she was willing to be alone.
And mom, well, even mothers needed vacations every once in a while, and since her mother had quit her job earlier in the year, it seemed like those vacations were needed more and more. They seemed to be lasting longer as well. Maybe the job of a mother was harder than she had thought.
And that left her alone in an empty house, waiting in silence for the morning to come.
The gentle glow of the television flickered before her as reception cut off for the night and left her with a gray fuzz. She sighed, her eyes flicking toward the grandfather clock standing against the wall. She hadn't realized that it was so late. She hadn't realized that she'd been sitting there, still, for so long.
It was Friday night, and the popular girls did not sit at home alone on Friday nights. They were out, maybe with their boyfriends or their guy of the week, or maybe with the other popular girls. But they were never home alone. They were never alone.
A few weeks ago, she had a boyfriend to call over or to just hang out with him and his friends. And her boyfriend loved her; he worshiped the ground that she walked on. And she loved him, too. It was the stuff that fairytales were made of, that musicals were written about. It was forever and forever was theirs; hers and his.
And forever had left her in an empty house. Alone.
She sighed again. Picking up the remote, she turned the television off, sending the room fading into a calm darkness. She unfolded her legs and dropped her feet onto the cool, hard wood before pushing herself to stand. Her eyes adjusted to the dark enough so that she could make out the form of the furniture surrounding her so that it would be safe to exit the room.
She stopped, her eyes caught on the tall cabinet in the corner. Flipping the light switch, she winced as the room sprang back to life. Blinking a few times, she gave herself a minute to adjust to the sudden change before walking over to that cabinet.
Dishes, they were just dishes. Beautiful, expensive, and just another thing in this room that proved that they were better than other people. Tiny pink flowers, lost in a swirl of green vines and gold trims. Her parents' good china, picked out for their wedding.
Cocking her head, she couldn't help but wonder if they had known all of those years ago where their love would lead them to. Had they pictured babies and houses and home cooked meals (by the help, of course)? Or had they known about the late nights, the extended vacations, the empty house? Did they look at the china now and wonder where along the way it had all changed, or did they know that it had always been a lie?
Her fingertips dragged softly over the smooth pane of glass, careful not to leave any smudges. It didn't matter, because the maid would have them gone in the morning, but china like this couldn't have any smudges.
She turned away, not looking back once as she exited the room, flipping the switch again to leave the darkness behind her. She climbed the stairs, quietly, despite the fact that there was no one there to wake up, and headed toward her room.
Jackie's Place.
The sign was bright purple with pink writing, declaring in the most official of ways that this was definitely her bedroom. This was her home, her fortress of solitude as she was sure Eric would say.
She pushed open the door and flipped the switch, flooding the large bedroom with light. The door closed with a quiet click behind her as she moved to sit on the edge of her bed. The mattress sunk beneath her weight when she lay back to stare up at the ceiling. Jackie nudged her shoes off, then spread across her soft pink mattress. The silence rang loudly in her ears as memories poured over her.
God, she wanted so much to be able to call him. She wanted him to come over so that they could take advantage of yet another one of those nights that her parents weren't home. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her, to feel so warm and beautiful when he smiled that perfect smile.
She just wanted him to lie, to say that he had never cheated, to say that he loved her, and only her. She wanted just one more night to believe that she was enough.
Enough for him.
Enough for her parents.
It would be wrong, and she knew that. But she needed to get through one night without feeling like this. She could handle it when the morning came, but she needed the lie to get through the night.
Jackie sat up quickly, ran her fingertips across damp eyes, and shook her head, sending her hair flying across her face. She had to get these thoughts out of her head. She had to get him out of her head.
Pretty girls were never alone. They didn't cry. They didn't get hurt. They didn't get cheated on.
But it had happened to her.
Pushing herself to her feet, Jackie surveyed the room, looking for anything that could distract her, anything that could get her to the morning. She walked over to her bookshelf and fingered the long line of Nancy Drew mysteries.
She pulled out The Case of The Missing Watch, and smiled faintly. She could remember back, not much more than two weeks that she and Michael had read this together. She was Nancy Drew, because, well for the obvious reasons, and Michael was her pudgy friend, Bess.
He hadn't wanted to read the book. He would have much rather fool around, but her father had come home early that day, so they had had to leave the door open. Michael had given in after a few minutes, and they had spent the rest of the night, together, reading. Jackie could remember so vividly his broad smile, accented by his magnificent cheekbones, and the high-pitched laughter he would let loose whenever he was having a really good time.
It had seemed so real, and it had felt even more real. But as much as she wanted to hang onto it, Jackie knew that that wasn't the lie that was going to get her through the night. So, she shoved the book back into its place and decided that it was probably best if she just tried to get some sleep.
Jackie walked into her bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. Pulling her hair back into a loose ponytail, she avoided looking into the mirror as she readied herself for bed. She didn't really think that she could handle seeing what she had let her perfect love do to her.
When she had finished, she headed back into her room and changed into her most comfortable pair of flannel pajamas. Pulling a matchbox out of the top drawer of her desk, Jackie lit one lone candle on her bedside table. She turned down the covers of her bed and then went over to the door, flipping the switch beside it. The room fell into near darkness.
Jackie stumbled her way to the bed, and crawled beneath the covers. Lying down on her side, she settled down into the warm mattress and nestled her face into the soft pink pillowcase, inhaling deeply.
It had been more than a week since he had been in her bed, but if she breathed in deep enough, Jackie imagined that she could still smell the aroma of his shampoo mixed in with the fragrance of his aftershave. She loved that smell. Beautiful, just like him.
Her eyes trained on that lone candle and focused in as the flame flickered in the darkness of her room. The yellow and orange danced before her, swaying and growing under her gaze. The smallest hint of blue burned at the very center as it wore away at the wick and melted the light pink wax, sending it sliding down the length of the candle in a sprinkle of tiny beads.
Jackie watched the fire devour her candle until her eyes watered so much that it stung. She blinked away the moisture, and went back to watching.
The shadows of the flame cast against the object just behind it, high-lighting the contours and dim colors. She let her gaze be pulled from the brilliant orange to pale purple and pink, and this time, the moisture that formed in her eyes stung for an entirely different reason.
Her face stayed expressionless, save for the few tears that trailed down her cheeks, as she stared at the unicorn candy dish. It had taken permanent residence up on her night stand, just in front of the picture of her and Michael at the homecoming dance ever since had had given it to her.
It had been at the Pinciotti's renewal of vows that he had presented it to her, showing that he really did listen, and promising that one day, they would be exchanging their own vows. And this would be their china pattern.
Jackie had planned her wedding to Michael Kelso before they had even shared their first kiss. He had been the tallest boy in the second grade, and by far the most handsome, and therefore, he was the only one that would do for Jackie Burkhart, the prettiest of all the girls.
He had always gone along with her plans, nodding when she told him how handsome he would look in his all white tuxedo with pale pink trim. He had watched, fascinated, as she had used her dolls to act out what their wedding would look like. He had smiled when she had talked about the children they would have. And although his insistence about the trampoline for their reception always grated on her nerves, she had simply told him to shut up and gone on with her plans.
She and Michael were of the meant to be variety. Like the people from Grease… or Casablanca… or Sleeping Beauty. They were what true love was made of.
Fairy tales and unicorn china patterns.
As her eyes traced the curvy outline of the candy dish, Hyde's voice echoed in her ears. He had told her that she could do better than Michael. He had told her that she would find somebody great. But the fact of the matter was she didn't want to.
Jackie just wanted to go back to being one of the pretty girls. She wanted to not be home alone on a Friday night. She wanted to be able to call her perfect boyfriend to come over when her parents were out of town. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms. And she, most of all, she wanted that not to be a lie.
She had already lived through one fairy tale, and that was the only one that she wanted. She was the princess, and Michael her prince charming. But for the first time, as she cried alone in her empty house, she realized that it didn't matter what she wanted.
Michael wasn't any prince charming.
She wasn't any fairy tale princess.
And love wasn't found in china patterns.