Three Rings for the Pot Elves who were always high
Seven for the Gwarf Lords who whined and moaned
Nine for mortal Men doomed to cry
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne (seems a bit negative, eh?)
In the land of Algore where defeated campaigners lie
One ring to make them all drool
One ring to make them all fools
One ring to, oh you know.
Long years ago, in the second age of Slightly-Off-The-Center Earth, the Elven smiths of Erosion forged the rings of power. Three were given to the Pot Elf kings; seven to the Gwarf lords and nine were given to mortal men. But in the land of Algore the Dark Lord Sourpuss mass-produced and distributed other rings into cereal boxes. He also made a master cereal box ring, one ring to rule them all. One by one the free lands of Slightly- Off-The-Center Earth fell to the power of the cereal box rings. But there where were some who resisted. Then a last alliance was made between Pot Elves and Men and together they defeated Sourpuss but he was not destroyed and soon his power rose again. One ring had fallen into the possession of Boredom, a slimy IRS agent who lived in the Cloblin mines beneath the Tipsy Mountains, and there he dwelt with it until it was stolen from him. There it was hidden, even from the searching eye of Sourpuss
The Lord Of the Cereal box rings
BY ROBBIE BELL AND MICHAEL TILLING
Chapter 1: Dildo's birthday
For a long time Boredom looked for his ring and, not knowing what power drew him, he made his way step by step and mile by mile to Algore. He entered into the gates of Algore and was then seen by a dark and hooded man in a black Chevy Trailblazer. "What the hell are you doing here?" the rider asked in a sneering tone. "We meant no harm preciousss, we was only looking for our birthday present yes preciousss". The hooded rider was obviously not happy with this answer and so his picked Boredom up and carried him to the torture rooms of Badass-Dude. There Boredom was questioned about his "birthday present" until he revealed what it was and so Sourpuss knew that the master cereal box ring was found. The only clue he had as to where is was located was two words Boredom had yelled out in pain which were "BRIAR, HAGGIS!!!"
But who was Haggis? He was Mr. Dildo Haggis who lived in an apartment in the slummy part of the Briar and he was having a birthday party. "Everyone is coming to my party!" said Dildo Haggis to his nephew Fraudo. "The Brandyfucks from Fuckland, the Crooks from Crookhall and even the Crackfilled-Haggises, Oh I hate them so much!" "Won't the Gwarves and Gonedaft be coming?" asked Fraudo. "Of course, we can't forget them. All is in place and it's going to be a fine night indeed!" Just then a knocking came at the door. It was Spamwise Gangrene, their gardener and local horny guy. "Top of the morning to you Mr. Haggis!" he said in his annoying Irish accent. "What the hell do you want?" said Dildo. "Just come to wish yee a happy birthday how old are you?" "Eleventy-one!" replied Dildo. "HOLY CRAP!!!!! YOU'RE ONE HELL OF AN SENILE FART!" Just then Dildo reached for his handgun, which he always kept in his coat pocket. Spam turned and ran for the door. "Ugh! That little twerp is so annoying but I have to invite him to my party or he'll go on a labor strike!"
Seven for the Gwarf Lords who whined and moaned
Nine for mortal Men doomed to cry
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne (seems a bit negative, eh?)
In the land of Algore where defeated campaigners lie
One ring to make them all drool
One ring to make them all fools
One ring to, oh you know.
Long years ago, in the second age of Slightly-Off-The-Center Earth, the Elven smiths of Erosion forged the rings of power. Three were given to the Pot Elf kings; seven to the Gwarf lords and nine were given to mortal men. But in the land of Algore the Dark Lord Sourpuss mass-produced and distributed other rings into cereal boxes. He also made a master cereal box ring, one ring to rule them all. One by one the free lands of Slightly- Off-The-Center Earth fell to the power of the cereal box rings. But there where were some who resisted. Then a last alliance was made between Pot Elves and Men and together they defeated Sourpuss but he was not destroyed and soon his power rose again. One ring had fallen into the possession of Boredom, a slimy IRS agent who lived in the Cloblin mines beneath the Tipsy Mountains, and there he dwelt with it until it was stolen from him. There it was hidden, even from the searching eye of Sourpuss
The Lord Of the Cereal box rings
BY ROBBIE BELL AND MICHAEL TILLING
Chapter 1: Dildo's birthday
For a long time Boredom looked for his ring and, not knowing what power drew him, he made his way step by step and mile by mile to Algore. He entered into the gates of Algore and was then seen by a dark and hooded man in a black Chevy Trailblazer. "What the hell are you doing here?" the rider asked in a sneering tone. "We meant no harm preciousss, we was only looking for our birthday present yes preciousss". The hooded rider was obviously not happy with this answer and so his picked Boredom up and carried him to the torture rooms of Badass-Dude. There Boredom was questioned about his "birthday present" until he revealed what it was and so Sourpuss knew that the master cereal box ring was found. The only clue he had as to where is was located was two words Boredom had yelled out in pain which were "BRIAR, HAGGIS!!!"
But who was Haggis? He was Mr. Dildo Haggis who lived in an apartment in the slummy part of the Briar and he was having a birthday party. "Everyone is coming to my party!" said Dildo Haggis to his nephew Fraudo. "The Brandyfucks from Fuckland, the Crooks from Crookhall and even the Crackfilled-Haggises, Oh I hate them so much!" "Won't the Gwarves and Gonedaft be coming?" asked Fraudo. "Of course, we can't forget them. All is in place and it's going to be a fine night indeed!" Just then a knocking came at the door. It was Spamwise Gangrene, their gardener and local horny guy. "Top of the morning to you Mr. Haggis!" he said in his annoying Irish accent. "What the hell do you want?" said Dildo. "Just come to wish yee a happy birthday how old are you?" "Eleventy-one!" replied Dildo. "HOLY CRAP!!!!! YOU'RE ONE HELL OF AN SENILE FART!" Just then Dildo reached for his handgun, which he always kept in his coat pocket. Spam turned and ran for the door. "Ugh! That little twerp is so annoying but I have to invite him to my party or he'll go on a labor strike!"