The Pact – chapter 5
A/N: Hey! I'm back. Thanks for all the reviews, people. It's good to see people expressing their opinions of how a fic should go – it shows people are truly interested. So, really, thank you so much for that. From the sounds of…almost every review…you guys don't want Rachel and Joey together.:p Hmm…maybe I should change my ending then…muwhahahahahaha! Kidding. Although, I don't want to give even this much away, I also don't want people to stop reading, just because they don't like Rachel and Joey or Ross and Rachel together. So, here's my hint. DON'T READ ANY MORE OF THIS A/N IF YOU DON'T WANT A SLIGHT SPOILER FOR THIS FIC. Ok, I warned you…:p There will be both, but one will probably be more satisfying than the other *coughs*rossandrachel*coughs* Ok, if you didn't get my totally not obvious clue, (lol, right) then, too bad, cause I can't say anymore. So, if you're unwilling to see Rachel with either Ross or Joey (for a short amount of time) then, I would suggest not continuing to read this fic. I don't appreciate when people review and tell me that my story sucks because I have too much of a certain relationship that they are against. Am I making any sense whatsoever? Anywho, after all that explaining fun, read, review, and hopefully enjoy!:)
"You're going out tonight," Ross questioned angrily, "Yet, you didn't care to tell me?!"
"Why do I have to tell you every little thing about my life?!"
"Well, you are my wife."
"So what?! I don't have freedom because I'm the woman?!"
"No, that's not what I meant! You're putting words in my mouth! What I mean is, we have a daughter. Take responsibility for her once in a while."
Rachel shook her head reproachfully. "Are you implying that I don't take care of our daughter as much as you do?"
"Lately, yes."
"What? When have I not been there?!"
"Yesterday, you were supposed to pick her up from school, but you didn't. I got a phone call, 40 minutes after the school's dismissal, asking where you were. I had to pick her up instead!"
"Ok, so it was one time…"
"One time?! You barely even speak to her anymore!"
Rachel clenched her jaw shut, scowling at Ross. She was at a loss of words. How could he say that?! She took care of Emma just as much, if not more than Ross did! He was just being ungrateful. At the moment, though, she wanted more than anything to scream at Ross. Her body was crying out for her to just slam him to the floor, but she restrained herself. Instead, she shook her head once more and left the apartment.
Ross stared at the door from which Rachel had exited moments ago. He hadn't meant to lose his temper, but lately, Rachel had been acting so peculiar. It not only aggravated him, but scared him as well. He knew it was his fault that she was feeling…whatever it was she was feeling. All of his attempts to make the marriage work were beginning to seem fruitless. There was something wrong with her – something. But what? He sighed and plopped down on the couch, leaning his head back and shutting his eyes in an effort to clear his mind.
After sitting in that same position for two minutes, Ross opened his eyes when he felt someone's gaze upon him. After opening them, he saw Emma staring at him questioningly. He opened his arms for her, and, after a moment's hesitation, she jumped into her father's strong embrace. As he rocked her back and forth gently, he felt a tinge of guilt tug at his heart. Perhaps, he had exaggerated about Rachel neglecting Emma so much. Sure, she had forgotten to pick their daughter up yesterday, but maybe he had crossed the line when he said that she ignored Emma. Besides, it wasn't fair for him to use their daughter as an excuse to get angry at what he saw as Rachel's lack of effort in their marriage. Plus, putting the child in the middle of an argument between parents could be scaring. He hugged Emma closer and kissed her head, hoping she hadn't overheard their argument. Unfortunately, he wasn't so lucky.
"Why were you and mommy yelling before?" she questioned, voice muffled by her father's shirt.
"We were just having a tiny argument."
"Was it about me?"
"A little, but don't worry. It was nothing big."
"Why were you fighting then?"
"Don't worry about it – your mommy and I are just working through some problems. It'll be over soon."
"Promise?"
"I..." he looked down at his lap, "I can't make that promise. I can promise you that I'll try, though."
Emma nodded, before laying her head upon his shoulder once more. Ross wrapped his arms around her again, taking solace in his daughter's presence. Even if Rachel wouldn't make an effort to get their marriage to work, he would – for Emma's sake. She was the only thing in his life that seemed to make any sort of sense whatsoever, and therefore, refused to let her down.
Joey sat in the stands, eyes locked on the basketball game in front of him, yet his body turned towards Rachel, at his right. Every so often, he would mutter an explanation of the game to her, as she nodded along, pretending to understand the game's rules and recognize the numbers of the players below. As the game went on, Rachel was unable to completely focus her attention upon it, though. Thoughts of her fight with Ross continued to flood her mind. Why were relationships so difficult for her, especially with Ross? She used to think that the fact she and Ross fought quite a bit in their relationship just meant that they were passionate about the small things in their relationship. And, they only cared about those small things because they loved each other so much and wanted to make their relationship become as close to perfect as possible. However, after Ross had cheated on her, (or, according to him, they had technically been on a break, although she never believed that) that illusion was shattered, and she became unable to live by it ever again. The fights weren't as hurtful when she had believed they were improving their relationship. Now, however, they just proved to be upsetting and a nuisance in everyday life.
Why am I focusing on this? I should just enjoy the game and my time away from Ross. However, no matter how hard she attempted to concentrate on the game, she still couldn't rid her mind of her and Ross' fights. And then, to top it all off, she was vividly aware of Joey's presence beside her, making her feel uneasy. That relationship had been over before it even started – there was no denying that. She wished they could've at least given it a shot, though. Just once, she wanted to see what it was like to be with Joey, for a change. However, fear, on both sides, kept her away. She feared failure, while he feared losing Ross' friendship. Yet, she couldn't blame him. She and Ross had this vast history between the two of them. How could Joey compete with that, even if he wanted to?
Still, as she bit her bottom lip and looked at Joey, she noted that she wouldn't mind kissing him again. Just that thought sent a burning sensation through her body, and she intook a sharp breath, hoping to steady her nerves. How could he still do this to her, even after six years? When she looked at Ross, she didn't feel this rush of lust wash over her. However, Joey…he was new, forbidden. Something she never thought she'd have ever again, after being a mother for eight years. He indirectly contained memories of youthful excitement for Rachel. Oh, what she wouldn't give for another scandalous fling, or even just one night of unbridled passion with a man. Joey. She breathed in deeply, trying to recall the last time she had felt that way. Probably the night Emma was conceived, she realized dully.
"Hey, you enjoying the game?" Joey asked, finally turning away from the floor.
"Yeah, it's great. Thanks for taking me."
"No problem. Glad to have ya."
"Thanks."
He smiled and turned back to the game. Rachel, however, had other plans.
"Has, uh, Ross mentioned anything about our marriage?"
Joey continued to stare at the floor, and, just as Rachel assumed he hadn't heard and was about to ask again, he turned to face her.
"No, he hasn't. Why?"
"No reason. Just…curious."
"Oh. You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
"All right, but if you ever need to talk –"
Instead of finishing his sentence, Joey turned away and cheered excitedly as a basket was scored.
"So, how are you and Phoebe holding up?" she asked, a bit too enthusiastically.
He turned back and raised his eyebrows questioningly at her tone of voice. "Why? Did she say anything to you?"
"No, nothing. I actually haven't talked to her since last week at the coffee house."
"Yeah, me neither."
"What?! Don't you live with her?"
Joey blushed slightly. "It's just…she's been kinda…distant lately."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I wish I knew what to do."
"Maybe she'll come around."
"I hope so."
There was a pause in the conversation, but, just when Joey was about to turn back to the game again, Rachel blurted, "I still have feelings for you."
Joey stared at Rachel blankly, as she covered her mouth in complete shock. How could she have just blurted something like that out so haphazardly?
She looked down, blushing profusely. "I'm sorry."
"Wha – what?"
"Nothing."
"You still have feelings for me?"
"Yes!" she groaned miserably.
"Wow, that – I totally wasn't expecting that."
"Yeah, well, neither was I."
"Well, um, what kind of…feelings…are these?"
"I don't know. How do you describe feelings?"
"Well, do you - do you love me?"
She looked away.
"I see."
"It's just…I have these different feelings for Ross, and I don't know what they are, either. I'm just so confused right now."
"You're attracted to me, physically," he began slowly, "And Ross, emotionally."
"That's bullshit!" she yelled, "How could you know that just from what I told you?"
However, the rational side of her mind was thinking along the lines of the same thing, although she refused to voice that to Joey.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just assumed," he looked away, "It doesn't matter, anyway."
"What?"
"We're married now. Married."
"I know."
"Besides, we're in the past. We can't go back to the past."
"I – we…yeah, you're right."
"I'm sorry."
"Urgh, I've made it awkward now, haven't I?"
Joey shrugged helplessly. "Wanna go home?"
"Yes, please."
The two left the stadium, Joey barely realizing that he was actually walking out of a Kicks game in the middle. He had other, more important and stressing things on his mind at the moment. Rachel still felt something for him! He hadn't been expecting that. Damn, he realized, It's gonna be a lot harder to hide my feelings now that I know she still likes me. He glanced at Rachel, who was looking out the window of the taxi cab. Momentarily, he wondered what she was thinking. What did she want? Did she want him to whisper words of affection in her ears and gaze into her eyes? Was she yearning for him to hold her, to kiss her, to make love to her? The curiosity was beginning to drive him mad. Before this, he had merely assumed she wasn't thinking of him in that light at all. Now, however, everything changed, and his heart was, yet again, on the run from heartbreak.
When the taxi pulled up to Rachel's apartment building, Joey nodded goodbye to her, while she waved slightly. Then, he watched her walk away. He was unable, however, to form any coherent thoughts or suitable words of conversation. Instead, he waited until she was out of sight, before walking towards his apartment building in the other direction.
Upon entering his apartment, he found a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor, although Phoebe was no where in sight. He shrugged, before going into the refrigerator and pulling out a piece of pizza that had been sitting in there since the beginning of the month. He studied it for a moment, sniffed it, then scowled. However, despite its age and staleness, Joey took a big bite of the pizza slice, before walking into his bedroom. He still didn't see Phoebe. Wondering where she would have gone, (since she hadn't left the apartment for almost a week now) he came back into the living room, sat down on the barkalounger, and turned on the television.
After channel surfing and finding nothing of interest, he shut off the television and got up, intent on going to sleep. Instead, he turned to the spare room, upon hearing muffled cries. When he opened the door, he saw Phoebe, wrapped in a white robe, eyes puffy and pink brimmed, hugging herself tightly. Silently, he walked over and put his arms around her shoulders. Neither said a word, as she continued to look out the window. He kissed her hair gently and Phoebe sniffed, before he took the bottle of wine out of her hands.
"I don't want you to drink so much anymore," he whispered, "It's not good for you."
"I'm not drinking that much."
"Fine, but still –"
"Okay."
There was a pause, as Joey put down the bottle and rewrapped his arms around her. Phoebe made no attempt to begin a conversation, or even to acknowledge his presence. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. Why was she so messed up, when it came to serious relationships? It was popular, within the gang, to joke about Chandler being the commitment phobic one. Yet, who was the one who got married first? Who was the one with a fulfilling marriage and three children? The only reason no one (including Phoebe) had realized her fear of commitment was because she had never been in a truly serious relationship before.
Aside from Mike, all of her relationships had ended before a few months, or, at the most, a year. Sure, once in a while, some of those same men would come back for a fling, but it was never serious. Her only serious relationship was Mike, but she had dumped him when things got too serious. However, now, she realized she couldn't get out of this marriage of hers. Even though she prided herself on being self-confident, she hated the looks people gave her when she said she was 40 and single. If possible, that felt even worse than being trapped in this marriage of hers.
She had been an independent soul all of her life. Even as a mere teenager, she lived on the streets and fended for herself. Without a mother, a child learns independence early – that had been the case in her life. In relationships, however, she had to give up that independence and share her life with someone else. Every night, she would sleep with the same man, only to wake up beside him the very next morning and repeat that same sequence over and over again. That thought made her soul yearn to free itself from the incarceration that this marriage brought upon her.
Day after day she tried to break free from that wretched pain within her, using the only medicine she could think of – alcohol. Maybe she had told Joey she wouldn't drink anymore, but she had lied. She couldn't do that – life would be impossible otherwise. Plus, what gave him the right to tell her what to do? After all, he was still in love with Rachel – she could see it by the way he looked at her. If he couldn't put all of his attention into their relationship, then she felt no need to respect his wishes in return.
Joey and Phoebe continued to look out the dark window in silence – eyes drawn to the outline of the apartment building next door, glowing in the close distance. Both of them were hung up on different problems, yet they had the same thought in their minds. Was this marriage a mistake after all?
A/N: Ok, that's all. Thanks for reading! Please leave me a review. Hey Yen!! Welcome home! (lol, I just realized I never mentioned u anywhere…ouch, I'm gonna pay for that in the morning) To be continued soon…