Disclaimer: I don't own Thunderbirds. (sigh)
ONCE FORGOTTEN
Woo-Hoo! I did it. I added a chapter, and I did it right. Yay, go me. Now all I have to do is write the damn thing without too many mistakes. Hang on to your hats folks coz it's a big one!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed and cheers for all the tips on improving my grammar. I'll reeeaally appreciate it.
Scott: "Yeah, thanks everyone."
Virgil: "Put it this way, with all those great ideas she can't get much worse!"
DyMonda: "Hey! I resent that remark!"
Gordon: "Resemble it you mean."
(sniggers from Scott and Virgil)
Alan: "I still say she's a fanfic terrorist."
DyMonda: "That's enough! Honestly, I don't know why I put up with you guys!"
John: "Because you love us."
(Silence. Then a sigh)
DyMonda: "Always the voice of reason."
John: "Nah, just common sense."
Scott, Virgil, Gordon, Alan: "HEY!!!"
Chapter 3 - Give In.
During the day the ER department was best described as a circus. Patients coming and going, equipment being moved from one area to another and, of course, a highly qualified team of doctors and nurses buzzing around like angry bees in the height of summer.
'Yeah, and with me on the high wire.' Dr Williams thought sourly as she stormed off in the direction of the front desk to collect the files of her next group of patients.
Max McCallaghn had cornered her in the canteen that morning. Apparently he had found out about her most recent 'extended shift' and had spent a good half hour lecturing her on how that working such unnecessarily long hours wasn't good for her and that she was going to make herself ill.
Unfortunately, the miniscule amounts of sleep she had managed to grab between shifts were seriously starting to affect not only her body but her mind as well. She was tired. She knew she was tired, but still she refused to take a break. Max and the other doctors in ER had tried countless times to get her to take a vacation, yet every time she was offered time off she refused outright. But now things were getting beyond a joke and Max made it quite clear that if she didn't take the time off he offered her now then he was going to suspend her. Anything to get her away from the hospital for a while.
However, the fact that he was threatening her with suspension did not go down well.
She stopped in the middle of the corridor and turned to glare at her reflection in a door window. She looked terrible.
Her hair was messy, her eyes were underlined by dark circles and her skin was even paler today than it was yesterday. Even the clothes she wore under her white coat looked as if she had slept in them for at least two days straight.
"Wow, I guess he does kinda have a point." She sighed, defeated. Her expression softened.
It was common knowledge that Dr Williams was one of the best looking female doctors in the hospital. With her 5ft 10inch slim athletic frame, light blond hair, fair skin and shimmering blue eyes it was little wondering why she held such a title.
Now though, she really did look a wreck.
So, in the end she had decided to accept Max's offer of a months leave, albeit grudgingly.
After tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear she turned away from the exhausted looking reflection and continued on to her destination.
The only question now was what in the world was she going to do with herself during her time-off?
* * *
Scott sat on the edge of his bed quietly, thinking. He had just run into Alan and Virgil in the hall outside. Both of them had questioned him about his long trip down memory lane in the basement yesterday and were keen to know what he had been looking for to make him brave the family's extensive collection of photographs and other assorted memorabilia in the first place.
Finding himself on the spot Scott had lied, saying that someone had hidden his favorite sun glasses, thinking it was funny, and that he was down there looking for them. This explanation only caused both his brothers to gaze at him in confusion. Virgil saying that if he was only looking for his sun glasses it was still no reason for him to be down there for most of the day, followed by Alan informing him that Dad had told them both he was down their looking through old stuff yesterday.
Scott fumed at this.
So, his father knew he was down there and most likely knew what he was looking for too.
Damn!
Seeing the sudden change in their brother's expression Alan and Virgil had then asked him if there was something wrong. Scott, still fuming about what he'd just heard, lost his cool and pushed past the pair of them, all the while snapping at them that it was none of their business as to what he was doing in the basement and then proceeded to storm into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
He sighed wearily, now realizing how immature his behavior towards his brothers must have seemed.
"Great! Now they're gonna know for sure something's wrong." He whispered to himself angrily.
His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a soft knock on the door.
"Son, can I come in?" It was his father.
'Great.' Scott thought bitterly but he answered.
"Sure, come on in Dad."
Jeff opened the door and stepped inside. Looking around he noticed that the room was fairly dark, due to the fact that it was now evening, and that Scott hadn't turned any of his lights on yet so the only light in the room was coming from the fast setting sun outside the glass patio doors that lead onto the balcony. Closing the door behind him quietly, Jeff made his way across the room and seated himself next to his eldest son.
Scott refused to meet his father's questioning gaze choosing to stare at the floor instead while seeing how long he would have to wait for him to start the conversation.
Jeff, realizing that no words were forth coming decided to get straight to the point.
"You wanna talk about it?"
Sighing in defeat, Scott slowly lifted his gaze from the floor to regard his father with tired blue eyes.
"Like what exactly?" Scott asked back in an equally tired sounding voice.
Jeff frowned. It wasn't like Scott to avoid simple questions about what was on his mind. Although Jeff had a pretty good idea why he was doing it.
"Lets start with why you snapped at Alan and Virgil in the hallway earlier. They only wanted to know what you got up to yesterday and whether or not you found anything interesting."
Scott stood, suddenly angry with the reminder of the run in he had had with his brothers earlier and that his father had told them where he was in the first place.
He turned to glare at Jeff.
"If you hadn't told them where I was yesterday then I wouldn't have snapped in the first place." His voice was low and obviously angry.
Jeff regarded him evenly.
"Sit down Scott." It wasn't a request.
Scott sat back down, though not before glaring at his father one last time.
Satisfied that there would be no more outbursts for the time being, Jeff continued.
"I know what this is about Scott. But what I don't know is why you don't talk to anyone about it."
Scott snorted.
"Who is there to talk to? There are only three people on this island that actually remember, you, Grandma and me!" He answered, frustrated.
Jeff frowned at this statement.
"What about John? I'm sure he remembers."
Scott now looked even more frustrated and answered his father in a similar tone.
"Vaguely. He remembers something but he can't remember what exactly that something is..or about who." The last part was said in a whisper.
Jeff fell silent as he tried to figure out what was bothering Scott. Unfortunately he knew exactly what and who it was but he didn't know what he could do to help. 'I guess there's not much anyone can do when it comes to the past' he thought bitterly.
Sighing in defeat he turned back to Scott who, in the uncomfortable silence had returned his gaze to the floor.
"May I see the picture?" Jeff asked softly yet it still made Scott jump slightly indicating that it wasn't only Jeff who was struggling with his thoughts at the moment.
"Sure." The reply was so quiet that Jeff wasn't sure he had heard it but Scott reached under his pillow and pulled out the photo. He looked at it once before handing it over.
Jeff took the photograph in his hands gently and a smile slowly appeared on his face as he stared at the two small figures sitting on a fence in front of a grassy field.
One was a small boy, about four years old with dark chocolate brown hair and sparkling blue eyes. He was dressed in jeans and a blue t-shirt and was smiling brightly.
The other was a young girl with long light blond hair that shone like pale gold in the sunlight captured in the photograph and had the same sparkling blue eyes as the boy. She also appeared to be about the same age maybe only slightly older and was dressed in a white sweater with a pair of denim dungarees over the top.
She sat next to the boy on the fence with her arm around his shoulders and the same bright smile on her face.
Jeff's smile turned sad as he remembered the circumstances that brought about the picture in his hands.
Lucille. She had taken the photograph on one of the many occasions that he and his family had visited Grandma Tracy at her farmhouse in Kansas. The two in the picture were sitting on the fence in front of the meadow where the horses grazed. It had been a beautiful spring day and the children had played for hours on end in the many fields, stables and surrounding trees that made the ranch special. Made it home from home. Although Gordon hadn't really played much considering he had only just turned six months old and Alan had only been identified as being on the way a week before the trip but still, it had been a wonderful day.
Shaking himself from the memory Jeff looked back up at Scott who had been watching him the entire time trying to gauge his reaction.
"Why did you keep this? I thought it all got put into storage." He asked softly, still trying to pull himself back from the day long ago.
Scott gave his father a hard look, the kind of look he would give his brothers when they did something he wasn't impressed with.
"Because she doesn't deserve this! She doesn't deserve to be forgotten like this. It's bad enough that the rest of the boys will probably have no idea who she is if you showed them that picture!"
Scott stood up and started to pace in front of his father, his voice was slowly rising with his temper and showed no sign of stopping yet. Jeff opened his mouth to object but Scott beat him to it.
"You didn't let us forget Mom when she passed away so why are you trying so hard to forget HER?!"
Jeff had heard enough.
He stood up, grabbed Scott by the arm and whirled him around to face him.
"That was different your mother died and there was no way to bring her back! As for the reason I hid it all away well that was because of your mother too. She was heavily pregnant at the time and the stress it caused nearly broke her. I did it for her sake, and for Alan's! I thought that being the eldest you would understand that!" Jeff's voice was loud and angry as he kept a grip on Scott's arm to be sure he had his full attention.
Scott glared at his father's hand and yanked his arm back violently.
He turned his gaze upwards to meet his father's cool stare and slowly the anger drained away leaving the same emptiness that had been there before, the same emptiness that had started this whole argument.
"But that's just it though, isn't it Dad? I'm not the eldest, am I? Not really. I mean, eldest boy sure but I wasn't born first. I don't deserve to be first." Scott's voice got quieter as he spoke and Jeff finally had an inkling as to why his son was acting like this now.
"You feel guilty about what happened. Scott, it all happened over twenty years ago." Jeff voiced his theory while allowing his own anger to drain away at the look of despair that appeared on his son's face.
"I know. But at least...at least with Mom we knew what happened. She died in a car crash. We grieved for her we buried her. But what did we do for the little girl in the photo, Dad?" Tears were beginning to form but he ploughed on regardless.
"I tried so hard to take her place, you know, to be the one who looked after all the younger ones, and when Mom died I realized just how important it was for me to be there for them. To be strong and hold everyone together." The tears were falling freely now, streaking the handsome face as Scott continued to speak. He needed this, more than anything, to get all things that had been plaguing his heart for so long out into the open.
"Only then did it really hit home that there was no longer anyone there to hold ME together and tell me everything was going to be alright. Why did you let her go Dad? She was stolen from us and you let her go, why?" It was a question that had plagued his mind for twenty-two years and still he needed an answer even if it was only so he could finally put his soul at ease.
Jeff stared at his eldest son for a long moment and then turned to gaze at the night outside through the patio doors, the Sun having long since set showing just how long they had sat, stood, talked and argued in the confines of Scott's room.
'I wonder how many eavesdroppers have stopped by the door?' he wondered idly.
Somehow he had a feeling that him and Scott's little heart to heart was going to be the main gossip around the villa for a good while to come.
Pushing the thought of all the curious stares he and Scott were going to get at breakfast next morning aside he answered in a quiet voice that not only conveyed the truth but also conveyed all the emotions he was feeling about the subject of their conversation while still gazing at the darkness outside.
"I didn't Scott. Me, and your mother, we searched for months, right up until Alan was due to be born. We used every resource at our disposal but still we found nothing. God Scott, do you have any idea what this did to your mother. They just picked her little girl, OUR little girl out of the school playground and disappeared. We didn't even get a ransom demand. Whoever they were they took her because of what she was, not who she was."
The tears had slowed somewhat but Scott looked at his father expectantly, upset that his father was avoiding giving him a straight answer.
"But why did you give up searching? If Mom was so determined to find her then why did you stop?" His voice was strained against his raw emotions as he pleaded.
Jeff sighed knowing that there was no way out of it now he finally looked back at Scott.
"Because I had to make a choice. Your mother was devastated and drove herself to despair. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't sleep she spent every moment of three months by the vid phone. Waiting and hoping, and shortly before she was due with Alan she had to be admitted to hospital because of exhaustion and because of that exhaustion she went into premature labor. Alan was born two weeks early meaning he was open to complications which, in turn, made her feel even worse." His spoke calmly as if he were speaking to a child but it seemed to have the desired effect.
The tears finally stopped and Scott's face took on a faraway look.
"I remember. She slipped into depression after Alan was born but what I don't remember is how she got out of it."
A saddened expression settled on Jeff's face as he too remembered.
"She didn't..not completely. What you have to understand Scott is that it was the not knowing that was slowly destroying both your mother and me. With no ransom demand and no body found there was very little we could actually do and whether your mother liked it or not after another six months of searching we had to face the strong possibility that our daughter was dead. We needed to deal with the fact that she was gone and try to find peace, a sense of closure."
Scott looked back at his father sharply but Jeff held up his hand to forestall the oncoming argument.
"Please Scott, let me finish."
Scott glared at him for a moment but kept his mouth shut. Jeff lowered his hand and continued.
"That's why I put all her things into storage, photographs included. It was harsh I know but it helped your mother to heal and considering she passed away only weeks later I can't say that I regret what I did."
Still glaring, Scott now opened his mouth to speak.
"But you left everything there, years after Mom died. None of the boys even know she exists because you chose to forget. The only reason I even have this..."
He snatched the photograph from Jeff's hands.
"..is because Mom let me keep it. When we moved here I slipped it into one of the photo boxes in the basement so Grandma wouldn't find it if she cleaned my room." Scott's face was set in anger and his tone was accusing.
Jeff sat back down heavily on the bed and put his head in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. He sighed wearily.
"Your right Scott. It's not fair that the boys don't know they had another sibling.."
"HAVE another sibling Dad." Scott interrupted.
Jeff looked at him, slightly surprised, and gave his son a sad smile.
"Scott, she's been missing for over seven years..that makes her legally dead."
Scott's expression hardened and carried the conviction Jeff had only ever seen in Scott when his brothers were in trouble out on rescues.
"I haven't given up on her Dad. I don't care how many years have passed because, as far as I'm concerned, if there's no body then she's still out there somewhere. I won't give up hope. I won't." Scott's voice held the same unbreakable conviction.
Jeff studied his eldest son and for the first time since entering the room he smiled, a real smile, of happiness, not sadness.
"You know, I seem to remember a certain four and a half year old boy telling me almost exactly the same thing." He said softly as though afraid his voice would break from his still raw emotions if he spoke any louder.
Scott's expression softened and he sat down next to his father a smile slowly appearing on his own face.
"Scott, why did you bring all this up now? The anniversary isn't until December." The question was quiet but it had been bothering Jeff since yesterday and he wanted to know.
Scott looked out the patio doors, just as Jeff had done as he spoke.
"I know. But it's Mom's anniversary next week and I guess I felt a bit upset that the boys all had one older than them to lean on and I didn't..anymore." He looked down at the photograph in his hands and stared at it for a long moment. When he looked back up tears were welling up once more.
"I miss her Dad." It was a simple admission, one that Jeff had been expecting but still it hurt to hear it. He put a comforting hand on Scott's shoulder.
"I miss her too son and I'm sorry. I know how close you two were and I guess, with your mother being as distraught as she was at the time that you and your brothers sorta got pushed into the background for a while. I know how much that must of hurt. Not being allowed to grieve when you wanted to. You worked so hard to look after your brothers and to be there when they needed you that you must of felt that she was being forgotten. But I tell you this Scott, she's not forgotten because you, me and your Grandmother, we'll never forget her even if everyone else does and I know if she's still out there somewhere that.....I'll be proud of her." Jeff's voice held the same quiet conviction Scott had spoken with mere moments ago.
Scott was silent for a moment but then smiled, the tears and the sadness gone from his eyes as his father spoke the words he had longed to hear from someone, anyone who remembered his big sister.
"Me too Dad. Me too. I just wish she was still here." He replied softly.
Returning the smile, Jeff removed his hand from his son's shoulder and stood up. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand as he did so. It was now 11:55pm.
'Almost midnight, wow! We've been talking for hours' He thought in surprise.
Jeff just stood and stretched for a moment before turning back to his eldest son who was still sitting on the bed staring at the picture in his hands.
Jeff sighed.
"So do I Scott and if you really want to then I don't mind if you tell your brothers about her but just be careful around your Grandmother, ok? You know she gets upset about the disappearance." He said in a lightly defeated voice, like that of a parent giving into the demand of his or her child.
Scott's looked up at his father, his face brightened and his smile widened.
"Are you serious? I can tell them about her." Although he had heard his father clearly he still wanted confirmation of what he'd just heard.
"Yes. If they ask you can tell them which I have no doubt they will do because I'm pretty sure that there have been certain individuals listening in on our conversation throughout the evening." Jeff said the last part louder than the rest.
In response a soft thud was heard followed by a string of soft curses and a lot of shuffling noises before everything went quiet in the hallway outside. Unfortunately the quiet cursing was enough to identify the two perpetrators. Alan and Gordon.
Jeff tilted his head back towards his son and raised a critical eyebrow.
"See what I mean." He added with a small smirk.
Scott put a hand to his mouth to stifle a laugh but he just ended up giggling instead.
"They haven't changed much." He replied after getting himself back under control.
Jeff's smirk slid back into an easy smile.
"Nope. They sure haven't." He chuckled softly as he turned to leave.
Scott sat silently on his bed, looking back at the photograph in his hands as his father walked to the door.
Opening the door Jeff turned back and watched his son's quiet contemplation with a proud smile before offering a parting thought.
"You know, even if they can't remember her I think they'll come to love her all the same. After all, you look out for them in much the same way as she looked out for you. They'll understand that and respect her for it. They may even want to look for her to at least try and find out what happened and I know you'll be right there with them and....." He paused and closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
'Don't get carried away.' He thought furiously.
Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes and continued.
"What I'm trying to say Scott is that no matter how the boys take it I'm here for you, understand."
Scott who had been listening quietly but staring at the photograph in his hands looked up at his father as he stood staring back at him from the doorway. Looking him in the eye Scott smiled at the proud devotion he saw there and answered a quiet but definite affirmative.
"Yes sir."
Still smiling proudly, Jeff turned around and left Scott to his thoughts, closing the door quietly behind him as he went.
Scott looked at the photograph resting in his hands, his smile became rueful.
"Where do I start?" He whispered to the now empty room.
Coming down from the emotional roller coaster of the last four and a half hours left Scott feeling suddenly exhausted and craving sleep.
Standing up to get ready for bed he put the photograph in the draw of the nightstand next to his bed before making his way to the bathroom.
'Tomorrow's going to be an interesting day'. With that thought in mind he set about the task of making himself ready for bed.
TBC
There you go. Sorry it took so long but I've been struggling to commit my plot to pape.er.screen. I've already picked up a back seat writer so if you have any grand and exciting ideas for which I can advance my story and make it an absolute gem then please fell free to throw them at me.
Sorry again for taking so long to update with a new chapter but like I said, it was a big one. Heh-heh!
ONCE FORGOTTEN
Woo-Hoo! I did it. I added a chapter, and I did it right. Yay, go me. Now all I have to do is write the damn thing without too many mistakes. Hang on to your hats folks coz it's a big one!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed and cheers for all the tips on improving my grammar. I'll reeeaally appreciate it.
Scott: "Yeah, thanks everyone."
Virgil: "Put it this way, with all those great ideas she can't get much worse!"
DyMonda: "Hey! I resent that remark!"
Gordon: "Resemble it you mean."
(sniggers from Scott and Virgil)
Alan: "I still say she's a fanfic terrorist."
DyMonda: "That's enough! Honestly, I don't know why I put up with you guys!"
John: "Because you love us."
(Silence. Then a sigh)
DyMonda: "Always the voice of reason."
John: "Nah, just common sense."
Scott, Virgil, Gordon, Alan: "HEY!!!"
Chapter 3 - Give In.
During the day the ER department was best described as a circus. Patients coming and going, equipment being moved from one area to another and, of course, a highly qualified team of doctors and nurses buzzing around like angry bees in the height of summer.
'Yeah, and with me on the high wire.' Dr Williams thought sourly as she stormed off in the direction of the front desk to collect the files of her next group of patients.
Max McCallaghn had cornered her in the canteen that morning. Apparently he had found out about her most recent 'extended shift' and had spent a good half hour lecturing her on how that working such unnecessarily long hours wasn't good for her and that she was going to make herself ill.
Unfortunately, the miniscule amounts of sleep she had managed to grab between shifts were seriously starting to affect not only her body but her mind as well. She was tired. She knew she was tired, but still she refused to take a break. Max and the other doctors in ER had tried countless times to get her to take a vacation, yet every time she was offered time off she refused outright. But now things were getting beyond a joke and Max made it quite clear that if she didn't take the time off he offered her now then he was going to suspend her. Anything to get her away from the hospital for a while.
However, the fact that he was threatening her with suspension did not go down well.
She stopped in the middle of the corridor and turned to glare at her reflection in a door window. She looked terrible.
Her hair was messy, her eyes were underlined by dark circles and her skin was even paler today than it was yesterday. Even the clothes she wore under her white coat looked as if she had slept in them for at least two days straight.
"Wow, I guess he does kinda have a point." She sighed, defeated. Her expression softened.
It was common knowledge that Dr Williams was one of the best looking female doctors in the hospital. With her 5ft 10inch slim athletic frame, light blond hair, fair skin and shimmering blue eyes it was little wondering why she held such a title.
Now though, she really did look a wreck.
So, in the end she had decided to accept Max's offer of a months leave, albeit grudgingly.
After tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear she turned away from the exhausted looking reflection and continued on to her destination.
The only question now was what in the world was she going to do with herself during her time-off?
* * *
Scott sat on the edge of his bed quietly, thinking. He had just run into Alan and Virgil in the hall outside. Both of them had questioned him about his long trip down memory lane in the basement yesterday and were keen to know what he had been looking for to make him brave the family's extensive collection of photographs and other assorted memorabilia in the first place.
Finding himself on the spot Scott had lied, saying that someone had hidden his favorite sun glasses, thinking it was funny, and that he was down there looking for them. This explanation only caused both his brothers to gaze at him in confusion. Virgil saying that if he was only looking for his sun glasses it was still no reason for him to be down there for most of the day, followed by Alan informing him that Dad had told them both he was down their looking through old stuff yesterday.
Scott fumed at this.
So, his father knew he was down there and most likely knew what he was looking for too.
Damn!
Seeing the sudden change in their brother's expression Alan and Virgil had then asked him if there was something wrong. Scott, still fuming about what he'd just heard, lost his cool and pushed past the pair of them, all the while snapping at them that it was none of their business as to what he was doing in the basement and then proceeded to storm into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
He sighed wearily, now realizing how immature his behavior towards his brothers must have seemed.
"Great! Now they're gonna know for sure something's wrong." He whispered to himself angrily.
His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a soft knock on the door.
"Son, can I come in?" It was his father.
'Great.' Scott thought bitterly but he answered.
"Sure, come on in Dad."
Jeff opened the door and stepped inside. Looking around he noticed that the room was fairly dark, due to the fact that it was now evening, and that Scott hadn't turned any of his lights on yet so the only light in the room was coming from the fast setting sun outside the glass patio doors that lead onto the balcony. Closing the door behind him quietly, Jeff made his way across the room and seated himself next to his eldest son.
Scott refused to meet his father's questioning gaze choosing to stare at the floor instead while seeing how long he would have to wait for him to start the conversation.
Jeff, realizing that no words were forth coming decided to get straight to the point.
"You wanna talk about it?"
Sighing in defeat, Scott slowly lifted his gaze from the floor to regard his father with tired blue eyes.
"Like what exactly?" Scott asked back in an equally tired sounding voice.
Jeff frowned. It wasn't like Scott to avoid simple questions about what was on his mind. Although Jeff had a pretty good idea why he was doing it.
"Lets start with why you snapped at Alan and Virgil in the hallway earlier. They only wanted to know what you got up to yesterday and whether or not you found anything interesting."
Scott stood, suddenly angry with the reminder of the run in he had had with his brothers earlier and that his father had told them where he was in the first place.
He turned to glare at Jeff.
"If you hadn't told them where I was yesterday then I wouldn't have snapped in the first place." His voice was low and obviously angry.
Jeff regarded him evenly.
"Sit down Scott." It wasn't a request.
Scott sat back down, though not before glaring at his father one last time.
Satisfied that there would be no more outbursts for the time being, Jeff continued.
"I know what this is about Scott. But what I don't know is why you don't talk to anyone about it."
Scott snorted.
"Who is there to talk to? There are only three people on this island that actually remember, you, Grandma and me!" He answered, frustrated.
Jeff frowned at this statement.
"What about John? I'm sure he remembers."
Scott now looked even more frustrated and answered his father in a similar tone.
"Vaguely. He remembers something but he can't remember what exactly that something is..or about who." The last part was said in a whisper.
Jeff fell silent as he tried to figure out what was bothering Scott. Unfortunately he knew exactly what and who it was but he didn't know what he could do to help. 'I guess there's not much anyone can do when it comes to the past' he thought bitterly.
Sighing in defeat he turned back to Scott who, in the uncomfortable silence had returned his gaze to the floor.
"May I see the picture?" Jeff asked softly yet it still made Scott jump slightly indicating that it wasn't only Jeff who was struggling with his thoughts at the moment.
"Sure." The reply was so quiet that Jeff wasn't sure he had heard it but Scott reached under his pillow and pulled out the photo. He looked at it once before handing it over.
Jeff took the photograph in his hands gently and a smile slowly appeared on his face as he stared at the two small figures sitting on a fence in front of a grassy field.
One was a small boy, about four years old with dark chocolate brown hair and sparkling blue eyes. He was dressed in jeans and a blue t-shirt and was smiling brightly.
The other was a young girl with long light blond hair that shone like pale gold in the sunlight captured in the photograph and had the same sparkling blue eyes as the boy. She also appeared to be about the same age maybe only slightly older and was dressed in a white sweater with a pair of denim dungarees over the top.
She sat next to the boy on the fence with her arm around his shoulders and the same bright smile on her face.
Jeff's smile turned sad as he remembered the circumstances that brought about the picture in his hands.
Lucille. She had taken the photograph on one of the many occasions that he and his family had visited Grandma Tracy at her farmhouse in Kansas. The two in the picture were sitting on the fence in front of the meadow where the horses grazed. It had been a beautiful spring day and the children had played for hours on end in the many fields, stables and surrounding trees that made the ranch special. Made it home from home. Although Gordon hadn't really played much considering he had only just turned six months old and Alan had only been identified as being on the way a week before the trip but still, it had been a wonderful day.
Shaking himself from the memory Jeff looked back up at Scott who had been watching him the entire time trying to gauge his reaction.
"Why did you keep this? I thought it all got put into storage." He asked softly, still trying to pull himself back from the day long ago.
Scott gave his father a hard look, the kind of look he would give his brothers when they did something he wasn't impressed with.
"Because she doesn't deserve this! She doesn't deserve to be forgotten like this. It's bad enough that the rest of the boys will probably have no idea who she is if you showed them that picture!"
Scott stood up and started to pace in front of his father, his voice was slowly rising with his temper and showed no sign of stopping yet. Jeff opened his mouth to object but Scott beat him to it.
"You didn't let us forget Mom when she passed away so why are you trying so hard to forget HER?!"
Jeff had heard enough.
He stood up, grabbed Scott by the arm and whirled him around to face him.
"That was different your mother died and there was no way to bring her back! As for the reason I hid it all away well that was because of your mother too. She was heavily pregnant at the time and the stress it caused nearly broke her. I did it for her sake, and for Alan's! I thought that being the eldest you would understand that!" Jeff's voice was loud and angry as he kept a grip on Scott's arm to be sure he had his full attention.
Scott glared at his father's hand and yanked his arm back violently.
He turned his gaze upwards to meet his father's cool stare and slowly the anger drained away leaving the same emptiness that had been there before, the same emptiness that had started this whole argument.
"But that's just it though, isn't it Dad? I'm not the eldest, am I? Not really. I mean, eldest boy sure but I wasn't born first. I don't deserve to be first." Scott's voice got quieter as he spoke and Jeff finally had an inkling as to why his son was acting like this now.
"You feel guilty about what happened. Scott, it all happened over twenty years ago." Jeff voiced his theory while allowing his own anger to drain away at the look of despair that appeared on his son's face.
"I know. But at least...at least with Mom we knew what happened. She died in a car crash. We grieved for her we buried her. But what did we do for the little girl in the photo, Dad?" Tears were beginning to form but he ploughed on regardless.
"I tried so hard to take her place, you know, to be the one who looked after all the younger ones, and when Mom died I realized just how important it was for me to be there for them. To be strong and hold everyone together." The tears were falling freely now, streaking the handsome face as Scott continued to speak. He needed this, more than anything, to get all things that had been plaguing his heart for so long out into the open.
"Only then did it really hit home that there was no longer anyone there to hold ME together and tell me everything was going to be alright. Why did you let her go Dad? She was stolen from us and you let her go, why?" It was a question that had plagued his mind for twenty-two years and still he needed an answer even if it was only so he could finally put his soul at ease.
Jeff stared at his eldest son for a long moment and then turned to gaze at the night outside through the patio doors, the Sun having long since set showing just how long they had sat, stood, talked and argued in the confines of Scott's room.
'I wonder how many eavesdroppers have stopped by the door?' he wondered idly.
Somehow he had a feeling that him and Scott's little heart to heart was going to be the main gossip around the villa for a good while to come.
Pushing the thought of all the curious stares he and Scott were going to get at breakfast next morning aside he answered in a quiet voice that not only conveyed the truth but also conveyed all the emotions he was feeling about the subject of their conversation while still gazing at the darkness outside.
"I didn't Scott. Me, and your mother, we searched for months, right up until Alan was due to be born. We used every resource at our disposal but still we found nothing. God Scott, do you have any idea what this did to your mother. They just picked her little girl, OUR little girl out of the school playground and disappeared. We didn't even get a ransom demand. Whoever they were they took her because of what she was, not who she was."
The tears had slowed somewhat but Scott looked at his father expectantly, upset that his father was avoiding giving him a straight answer.
"But why did you give up searching? If Mom was so determined to find her then why did you stop?" His voice was strained against his raw emotions as he pleaded.
Jeff sighed knowing that there was no way out of it now he finally looked back at Scott.
"Because I had to make a choice. Your mother was devastated and drove herself to despair. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't sleep she spent every moment of three months by the vid phone. Waiting and hoping, and shortly before she was due with Alan she had to be admitted to hospital because of exhaustion and because of that exhaustion she went into premature labor. Alan was born two weeks early meaning he was open to complications which, in turn, made her feel even worse." His spoke calmly as if he were speaking to a child but it seemed to have the desired effect.
The tears finally stopped and Scott's face took on a faraway look.
"I remember. She slipped into depression after Alan was born but what I don't remember is how she got out of it."
A saddened expression settled on Jeff's face as he too remembered.
"She didn't..not completely. What you have to understand Scott is that it was the not knowing that was slowly destroying both your mother and me. With no ransom demand and no body found there was very little we could actually do and whether your mother liked it or not after another six months of searching we had to face the strong possibility that our daughter was dead. We needed to deal with the fact that she was gone and try to find peace, a sense of closure."
Scott looked back at his father sharply but Jeff held up his hand to forestall the oncoming argument.
"Please Scott, let me finish."
Scott glared at him for a moment but kept his mouth shut. Jeff lowered his hand and continued.
"That's why I put all her things into storage, photographs included. It was harsh I know but it helped your mother to heal and considering she passed away only weeks later I can't say that I regret what I did."
Still glaring, Scott now opened his mouth to speak.
"But you left everything there, years after Mom died. None of the boys even know she exists because you chose to forget. The only reason I even have this..."
He snatched the photograph from Jeff's hands.
"..is because Mom let me keep it. When we moved here I slipped it into one of the photo boxes in the basement so Grandma wouldn't find it if she cleaned my room." Scott's face was set in anger and his tone was accusing.
Jeff sat back down heavily on the bed and put his head in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. He sighed wearily.
"Your right Scott. It's not fair that the boys don't know they had another sibling.."
"HAVE another sibling Dad." Scott interrupted.
Jeff looked at him, slightly surprised, and gave his son a sad smile.
"Scott, she's been missing for over seven years..that makes her legally dead."
Scott's expression hardened and carried the conviction Jeff had only ever seen in Scott when his brothers were in trouble out on rescues.
"I haven't given up on her Dad. I don't care how many years have passed because, as far as I'm concerned, if there's no body then she's still out there somewhere. I won't give up hope. I won't." Scott's voice held the same unbreakable conviction.
Jeff studied his eldest son and for the first time since entering the room he smiled, a real smile, of happiness, not sadness.
"You know, I seem to remember a certain four and a half year old boy telling me almost exactly the same thing." He said softly as though afraid his voice would break from his still raw emotions if he spoke any louder.
Scott's expression softened and he sat down next to his father a smile slowly appearing on his own face.
"Scott, why did you bring all this up now? The anniversary isn't until December." The question was quiet but it had been bothering Jeff since yesterday and he wanted to know.
Scott looked out the patio doors, just as Jeff had done as he spoke.
"I know. But it's Mom's anniversary next week and I guess I felt a bit upset that the boys all had one older than them to lean on and I didn't..anymore." He looked down at the photograph in his hands and stared at it for a long moment. When he looked back up tears were welling up once more.
"I miss her Dad." It was a simple admission, one that Jeff had been expecting but still it hurt to hear it. He put a comforting hand on Scott's shoulder.
"I miss her too son and I'm sorry. I know how close you two were and I guess, with your mother being as distraught as she was at the time that you and your brothers sorta got pushed into the background for a while. I know how much that must of hurt. Not being allowed to grieve when you wanted to. You worked so hard to look after your brothers and to be there when they needed you that you must of felt that she was being forgotten. But I tell you this Scott, she's not forgotten because you, me and your Grandmother, we'll never forget her even if everyone else does and I know if she's still out there somewhere that.....I'll be proud of her." Jeff's voice held the same quiet conviction Scott had spoken with mere moments ago.
Scott was silent for a moment but then smiled, the tears and the sadness gone from his eyes as his father spoke the words he had longed to hear from someone, anyone who remembered his big sister.
"Me too Dad. Me too. I just wish she was still here." He replied softly.
Returning the smile, Jeff removed his hand from his son's shoulder and stood up. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand as he did so. It was now 11:55pm.
'Almost midnight, wow! We've been talking for hours' He thought in surprise.
Jeff just stood and stretched for a moment before turning back to his eldest son who was still sitting on the bed staring at the picture in his hands.
Jeff sighed.
"So do I Scott and if you really want to then I don't mind if you tell your brothers about her but just be careful around your Grandmother, ok? You know she gets upset about the disappearance." He said in a lightly defeated voice, like that of a parent giving into the demand of his or her child.
Scott's looked up at his father, his face brightened and his smile widened.
"Are you serious? I can tell them about her." Although he had heard his father clearly he still wanted confirmation of what he'd just heard.
"Yes. If they ask you can tell them which I have no doubt they will do because I'm pretty sure that there have been certain individuals listening in on our conversation throughout the evening." Jeff said the last part louder than the rest.
In response a soft thud was heard followed by a string of soft curses and a lot of shuffling noises before everything went quiet in the hallway outside. Unfortunately the quiet cursing was enough to identify the two perpetrators. Alan and Gordon.
Jeff tilted his head back towards his son and raised a critical eyebrow.
"See what I mean." He added with a small smirk.
Scott put a hand to his mouth to stifle a laugh but he just ended up giggling instead.
"They haven't changed much." He replied after getting himself back under control.
Jeff's smirk slid back into an easy smile.
"Nope. They sure haven't." He chuckled softly as he turned to leave.
Scott sat silently on his bed, looking back at the photograph in his hands as his father walked to the door.
Opening the door Jeff turned back and watched his son's quiet contemplation with a proud smile before offering a parting thought.
"You know, even if they can't remember her I think they'll come to love her all the same. After all, you look out for them in much the same way as she looked out for you. They'll understand that and respect her for it. They may even want to look for her to at least try and find out what happened and I know you'll be right there with them and....." He paused and closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
'Don't get carried away.' He thought furiously.
Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes and continued.
"What I'm trying to say Scott is that no matter how the boys take it I'm here for you, understand."
Scott who had been listening quietly but staring at the photograph in his hands looked up at his father as he stood staring back at him from the doorway. Looking him in the eye Scott smiled at the proud devotion he saw there and answered a quiet but definite affirmative.
"Yes sir."
Still smiling proudly, Jeff turned around and left Scott to his thoughts, closing the door quietly behind him as he went.
Scott looked at the photograph resting in his hands, his smile became rueful.
"Where do I start?" He whispered to the now empty room.
Coming down from the emotional roller coaster of the last four and a half hours left Scott feeling suddenly exhausted and craving sleep.
Standing up to get ready for bed he put the photograph in the draw of the nightstand next to his bed before making his way to the bathroom.
'Tomorrow's going to be an interesting day'. With that thought in mind he set about the task of making himself ready for bed.
TBC
There you go. Sorry it took so long but I've been struggling to commit my plot to pape.er.screen. I've already picked up a back seat writer so if you have any grand and exciting ideas for which I can advance my story and make it an absolute gem then please fell free to throw them at me.
Sorry again for taking so long to update with a new chapter but like I said, it was a big one. Heh-heh!