Title:  Years ago

Disclaimer:  Don't own, ain't getting paid

Pairing:  Friendship J/K Friendship –but other than that J/H J/H J/H

Rating: Pg-13 

Archive: If you want just ask – I will freely give.

Summary:  Song fic, Future fic.  Set somewhere after college.  Kelso gets drunk and thinks about his life.  Jackie helps him realize something.

Credit:  Hey Jealousy – Gin Blossoms. 

A/N:  Who knows why I write what I write?  This just came to me.  I've only done Kelso a couple of times and I usually make him deeper than some think he can be.  I'm sure this will again be the case.  But it could happen. As always –input is appreciated.   Special thanks to Kashmir for the beta.  

Tell me do you think it'd be alright
If I could Just crash here tonight
AS you see I'm in no shape for drivin'
And any way I 've got no place to go

The modest two story brick house loomed in front of him.  Leaning his head against the cool glass of the taxi passenger window, Michael Kelso felt his thoughts swirl.  He had had too much to drink

"Hey man, you okay?" the cab driver asked.

Kelso felt himself smile, the concern was sweet.  He let the alcohol convince him it had to do with human kindness and not with the cabby's desire to keep his cab puke free.  "Yeah dude, I'm good.  Where are we?"

"We are at the address you gave me man.  105 Sycamore." The driver turned around to give him a confused look "you don't live here?"

105 Sycamore, 105 Sycamore.  Nope didn't ring any bells.  Where did he live?  69 West Crescent.  That was on the opposite side of town.  Why the hell had he given this address?  He tried to retrace his steps.

He had gotten out of work on time for once.  But one of the new hot shot rookies had asked him if he wanted to hit happy hour down at Casey's.  The only thing waiting for him at home was a TV dinner and if he was lucky an angry message from his current girlfriend, so he had said yes.  Diane was going to break up with him soon.  He had developed a sixth sense for these things over the years, and he didn't really want to face that tonight.  So he had had too many beers.  Then too many Yager shots.  And with all the young working girls that seemed to think Casey's was the perfect bar after a hard day in the typing pool, no one had noticed when he had left.  He had to work the next day after all.  He really should get home.

So why hadn't he?  He still couldn't make heads or tails of that.  And the cab driver was getting tired of waiting. 

Suddenly a light came on inside the house, and the silhouette of a petite female passed in front of the window. 

Jackie.

He remembered now.  He had gotten drunk, started thinking about the good ole days and then suddenly remembered something he wasn't even sure how he knew.  Hyde wasn't in town.  And before he knew it he'd given the cab driver this address. 

Steven Hyde and Jackie Burkhart had gotten married her second year of college.  Now years later, they were still together and raising a two year old daughter.  Kelso had been to the Bachelor party, the wedding, the Christening, the 5 year Anniversary party Eric had thrown, and both of Stephanie's birthday parties.  But he rarely made more than cameo appearance's in his friend's lives.  Jackie and Hyde made him feel bad about his life sober.  Eric and Donna did too. 

So why had he come here?  Did he want to feel worse?  No, Fez had told him that Eric and Hyde were taking Red on some mini vacation to some war monument or something for his birthday, and he had just wanted to stop by and check to see if things were okay.  It was the cop in him

Getting out of the cab, he decided to take a closer look.  He gave the driver all the money he had and didn't think about how he was going to get home when the guy drove away.

And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I ever had
I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might no be alone

3 knocks and the door opened warily.  Jackie wearing pink sweat pants and a Sex Pistols t-shirt, stood with her hands on her hips.

Kelso smiled swaying a little with the strain.  "Nice t-shirt" he offered.

"It's Steven's" she answered with a knowing tone. 

She could always read him.  He was pretty sure that in only 7 seconds, she could already tell he was a./ drunk, b./feeling nostalgic, and c./ aware of Hyde's absence.  "So where is Hyde ole buddy, old pal?" he slurred walking into the living room and throwing himself down on the white couch. 

Jackie didn't say anything.  She just walked out of the living room and into the kitchen.  After what seemed like a lifetime, but was only about five minutes, she returned with a cup of coffee and a huge glass of water.  "Here drink this first" she ordered handing him the water.  After he drank the entire thing she handed him the coffee and answered his question "He is out of town, Forman family outing, just the boys.  But you knew that already."

Kelso heard himself do his infamous indignant shriek, but gave up the ghost, when Jackie's expression and his head seemed to protest.  "Fine, GOD!  How the heck do you know everything?"

Jackie laughed and sat down beside him.  "You would not have shown up here drunk if you thought Steven was home.  Cop or no cop, he would have kicked your ass."

She was probably right.  Through the years, they had all remained friends.  And Hyde had gotten over all his insecurities but he still didn't care for Kelso's flirting nature.  Staring at Jackie, he didn't wonder why.  Jackie was more beautiful now than ever.  Motherhood had done nothing to her figure and being happily married seemed to let her natural beauty shine through.  She wasn't like Diane, with her overdone make-up and big hair.  Yeah Diane was a knock out, but she just wasn't Jackie. 

"Michael what is wrong?" Jackie asked interrupting his thoughts.

I hate my life, he thought.  I hate myself.  I hate my job.  I hate my apartment.  I want a family.  I want a house.  I want this house, he thought.  But he remained silent. 

"Is it Diane?  Did you guys break up?" she guessed.

"No, no not yet.  But it is only a matter of time." He answered bitterly. 

Jackie's eyes revealed her thoughts before she opened her mouth hesitantly "Did you cheat on her?"

Kelso tried not to let the look hurt him.  He knew he deserved it, knew Jackie would think it before he even knocked on the door, but he would like to think that people were still capable of surprising you.  "NO Jackie.  I have learned from my mistakes.  I know I was a bastard for a really long time but that doesn't mean that..."

"I'm sorry" Jackie insisted holding her hands up to stop the tirade. 

He felt embarrassed at his outburst and let her continue.

"So why do you think you are going to break up?"

"She doesn't want to be a cop's wife." He stated, making it her fault.  He didn't want to admit to Jackie or himself that it might not be. 

Amusement shined in Jackie's eyes, "You want to marry her?"

Misinterpreting her shock he took the offensive "She is a wonderful girl Jackie."

Again placating Jackie explained "No, I mean you want to get married?"

"Is that so hard to believe? He demanded.

"YES" she laughed.

"Hyde got married.  If he can –I can.  He doesn't even believe in organized religion."

Jackie smirked at his reasoning.  "We got married by a Justice of the Peace."

"He doesn't believe in the government either."

"Drop it Michael." Jackie ordered, losing her patience like she used to when they were going out. 

That seemed so long ago.  Sometimes those high school days didn't even seem real.  The real world and grown up life just didn't compare.  Back then he was carefree, they all had been.  And now there was so much to worry about. 

"Jackie?" he began hesitantly.

"Yeah" she answered still frowning.

"Do you ever wish we could just go back?  To being kids again?"

"You are drunk." She dismissed getting up and taking his now empty coffee cup for a refill.  He stopped her with a hand around her wrist before she could get two steps. 

"No I'm serious.  I want to know.  Do you ever want to just go back?"

You can trust me not to drink
And not to sleep around
And if you don't expect too much form me
You might not be let down

Jackie looked at him in silence for a long time.  But he could tell her answer was the whole truth and nothing but "No" sitting back down she reached over and ran a soothing hand through his hair to the nape of his neck.  "I love my life Michael.  I love my family. And I like the person I have become.  Back then everything was all about me, and you, and whatever drama we had cooked up that week."

Her hand was so familiar, so comforting that he ignored her words in favor of the message it conveyed.  "Yeah, that is what I'm saying.  Life was so exciting.  We had all these adventures.  Don't you want to have fun again?  You know go vandalize the Water Tower, have a fight in the basement?  Make up in the van?"

Pulling her hand away she adopted a look that was similar to his nostalgic one, but pained. "Michael –you can't – we can't go back again."

"Why not?" he screamed in frustration and with high school-esque drama.

Jackie put her finger to her mouth and pointed upstairs.

Oh yeah, she had a child sleeping a few feet away.  He remembered now.

"Because Michael, we are grown up.  The basement is a play room for Stephanie and the twins.  You sold the van when you got the patrol car.  And I kind of think your boss would have a problem with his number one officer defacing State property."

"Yeah let him come get me." He pouted, knowing everything she said was true.  He was too drunk to be okay with the unfairness of life, with the marching of time, with the reality of his day to day life.  And he was too drunk to stop the next words from leaving his mouth.  "Come on Jackie, run away with me."

"What?" she shrieked this time. 

"Come on," he pleaded getting off the couch and putting himself on the ground at her feet.  "I'm not the same guy I used to be."

Jackie pulled away.  "No you are some drunken Looney."

"I won't drink anymore I promise" he begged.

"Michael!" She shouted pushing him back.

Hitting the floor with a thud, he lay with outstretched arms "Jackie please, I don't have anything."

Sitting above his pitiful form Jackie ran a hand through her own hair.  "That is not true."

Sitting up much too quickly he grabbed his head as the world tilted "Is it?" he was proud of himself for keeping his train of thought.  "Look around you, Hyde has everything.  He has you and a daughter.  And Eric – he has everything.  He has Donna and the boys.  What the hell do I have?"

Jackie tried to answer but he wouldn't let her. 

"No, don't even try it.  I have nothing.  And I can't help but think that I could.  This could be mine."

Cause all I really want is to be with you
And feel like I matter too
If I didn't blow the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you

Silence stretched out across the tastefully decorated house.  It was late, or early, depending on your point of view.  Standing up Jackie helped Kelso do the same.  Motioning him toward the stairs, she led him to the Guest bedroom.  She pushed him fully clothed into the bed and pulled the covers over him like the mother she now was. 

Kelso found himself holding his breath, waiting for her words of wisdom.  Even drunk he knew she wouldn't give in to his advances.  He just needed to try.  But now he thought maybe there was something more to his motivation.  Like maybe he knew that she could help.

"Listen to me Michael Kelso.  You are right.  This could all be yours."

He felt shocked at her declaration but not hopeful.

"But not with me." She finished.

He sighed.  "I know."

"This isn't about me.  This isn't about the good old days.  This is about you wanting to change your life.  And you don't have to go back to do that.  There is no time limit to that.  Yeah Steven and Eric had a head start, but you can catch up."

"Can I?" he asked feeling like a little boy again.  He needed someone to tell him that there was still hope for his future. 

"Yes, I know you can." Jackie assured.

"But what if I screw it up?  What if Diane can't love me like you used to love me?"

Jackie smiled.  "Then she isn't the right one for you.  If you are meant to be, you will do your best, and she will do her best.  And even if one of you screws up, the other will forgive.  And then you'll do better next time." 

Reaching out he found her hand with his, giving it a squeeze.  He wanted to believe her.  He really did want this life.  "Jackie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm jealous.  I'm jealous that I wasn't the right one for you.  I'm jealous that you found yours before me."  He admitted.  "I'm sorry."

"That is okay.  It's okay.  But you know what?"

"What?"

"Knowing what you want is the hard part.  Now that you have that figured out, you will be fine."

"Really?"

"Really."

And with that Kelso closed his eyes.  He hoped she was telling the truth.  He was tired of being alone.  He wanted a life he loved.  He wanted a family.  He wanted a future.  And if the past was gone –he hoped something could be found to take its place. 

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone

but something might be found

to take it's place

Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone

but something might be found

to take it's place