DISCLAIMER: Yep, you all know it. I owe nothing but my brain
(unfortunately).
(The AVALANCHE members board the train with Tifa in stow)
CLOUD: Why are you coming?
TIFA: Don't worry. I got everything prepared.
CLOUD: What about the bar?
TIFA: Marlene is taking care of it.
CLOUD: Great, you let some kid take care of a bar.
(Barret and Tifa at the same time thrashed Cloud into the train)
CLOUD: Not again…Damn it. Why are these guys my team members?
PA SPEAKER: All Aboard to Sector 5 Slums! Thank you for riding SHINRA trains and we hope you have a nice time!
BARRET: Hehe…say that after we blow up Sector 5's reactor! Move it fat dude!
FAT DUDE: Fine. Now the train is invaded of goons. What next?
(Meanwhile, Tifa is bounding and gagging Cloud)
CLOUD: Mha mivs? Mha mi moo maw?
TIFA: Don't worry. I let you out until you pay me back that penny of mine at least.
CLOUD: Mere! Mak mit!
(Cloud flips her the dime)
TIFA: Thank you!
(Tifa walks over to Barret, leaving Cloud tied)
CLOUD:??????????
JESSIE: We're almost at the security checkpoint…why is Cloud tied like that?
BARRET: Cloud? Are you that pathetic enough to get tied?
CLOUD: Mi musn me! Mi mos mifa!
BARRET: Whatever. Leave him. It'll teach him not to mess with rope.
CLOUD: Son of a…
PA SPEAKER: WARNING! WARNING! INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! ON CABLE CAR #1! PREPARING LOCKDOWN IN 5 SECONDS!
BARRET: Come on! Let's go!
(Jessie, Tifa, and Barret leaves, leaving Cloud pretty much stranded)
BARRET: Oops! I knew I forgot something!
(Barret and Tifa rushes back to Cloud)
TIFA: Why do we need him?
BARRET: He's the main character in the game. If he dies the game (and story) goes BYE-BYE!
TIFA: Hmph. Why does the main character have to be someone that owes me a large debt?
PA SPEAKER: LOCKDOWN COMPLETE!
BARRET: Dammit!
(Meanwhile…)
CONDUCTOR: What the hell….?
(Back to the heroes…)
TIFA: Why is the train heading to that dead end?
BARRET: What dead…oh dammit. We're going to die before we get to Sephiroth.
CLOUD: Maw mid moo mow mamout mithoff?
TIFA: Barret! Keep secrets to yourself!
BARRET: Sorry…
(Just then, the train crashes, throwing Barret, Tifa, and Cloud into Sector 5's reactor)
CLOUD: Ow…hey! I can talk and move again!
BARRET: Whatever. Let's go and blow the reactor to smithereens!
(Tifa silently slips away)
JESSIE: Sorry! It's all my fault!
CLOUD: Huh? You didn't die?
JESSIE: No. Anyways, it's all my fault! I was the one that ruined it with your ID card Cloud! You see, I grabbed the wrong picture and pasted it onto your card!
CLOUD: (Whispers) Would it happen to be some sort of porn pictures?
JESSIE: (Whispers) Um…yes. How did you know?
CLOUD: (Whispers) The drunk guy at the bar dropped them.
BARRET: What the hell are you people whispering over there? We ain't got enough time for crap like that! Jessie, go back to headquarters and file some distraction so we can get into the reactor.
CLOUD: Don't we have a distaction already (Cloud looks at the destroyed train)?
BARRET: Let's go Cloud.
CLOUD: Whatever…hey! Where did Tifa go?
TIFA: I set up the bomb. Now let's get out of here!
(Then Cloud suddenly has one of those migraines. Flashback…)
PAST TIFA: Daddy! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Damn you Sephiroth!.
(Tifa grabs the sword and runs to the core of the reactor)
BARRET: Cloud! It's not time to get constipated! The reactor's going to blow!
(Tifa responds by smacking Cloud)
CLOUD: Ouch…
TIFA: There.
(The trio of heroes hey, a rhyme! move on to the end of the reactor)
TIFA: Jessie told me we all had to hit these buttons at the same time to open the door.
(Cloud shrugs and slashes the door opens)
CLOUD: You gotta love big swords.
TIFA: Show off.
(They all run toward the entrance of the reactor, where many guards swarmed the doors and got stuck there)
GUARD #1: Was that part of the plan?
GUARD #2: I don't think so.
BARRET: What? A trap?
GUARD #1: Actually, more like a barrier.
(Then a chubby fellow waltzes in)
CHUBBY DUDE: Well, well. If it isn't AVALANCHE?
BARRET: Damn! It's the president of SHIRNA!
TIFA: Man, all that hard work I did. All for nothing.
BARRET: How the hell did you get over here so quick?
CLOUD: … Wait…
(Flashback)
PAST BARRET: Hehe…say that after we blow up Sector 5's reactor! Move it fat dude!
PAST FAT DUDE: Fine. Now the train is invaded of goons. What next?
CLOUD: Remember me?
PRESIDENT: Well, you're from SOLDIER, aren't you? You've got that goggle like Mako eyes, and you're wearing that utterly distasteful uniform. Oh yeah, note to self, fire that designer guy and then send him to the pits. Well, it's a shame that you left SOLDIER. If you were another Sephrioth, maybe I would have remembered you.
BARRET: Confident, ain't you? You ain't gonna be joyful and happy cause' this reactor's gonna go BOOM in a couple of minutes!
PRESIDENT: Temper, temper. And such rude manners too…
(Tifa responds by smacking the President)
PRESIDENT: Ow…hey! You…you smacked me!
(The President begins to cry like a baby)
PRESIDENT: Sob…that's it! Proto-type 18A43H go!!!!
SOME OTHER GUY: Um, sir?
PRESIDENT: What?
SOME OTHER GUY: Whisper, whisper…
(The president pushes the guy into the mako stuff below)
PRESIDENT: Hehe…make that Proto-type 18A43G.
(A really small robotic spider jumps between Cloud, Tifa, and Barret!)
EVERYONE EXCEPT THE PRESIDENT: Huh?
PRESIDENT: Have fun!
CLOUD: Oh yeah! We're going to have fun alright!
BARRET: I don't believe we're fighting this thing.
TIFA: I think we'll leave Cloud to do it.
(After the President flies away in his helicopter, Cloud proceeds to step on the spider)
SPIDER: 3…2…1…0…
CLOUD: You know, that doesn't sound right.
(The spider explodes, dropping Cloud 5000 feet below into the slums)
TIFA: CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUD!!!!!
BARRET: Oh dammit.
TIFA: Now he can't repay his debts back to me! Great, I've lost $12, 574.68.
BARRET: (Whistles)
GUARD #1: Well, if you guys have no hard feelings, would you mind pulling us out?
TIFA: Grrr…
BARRET: Whoa, Tifa's in a bad mood. Better not aggravate her…
(Tifa responds by pummeling all the guards stuck in the doorway)
BARRET: Man, that's why I call easy XP and GP!
(The AVALANCHE members board the train with Tifa in stow)
CLOUD: Why are you coming?
TIFA: Don't worry. I got everything prepared.
CLOUD: What about the bar?
TIFA: Marlene is taking care of it.
CLOUD: Great, you let some kid take care of a bar.
(Barret and Tifa at the same time thrashed Cloud into the train)
CLOUD: Not again…Damn it. Why are these guys my team members?
PA SPEAKER: All Aboard to Sector 5 Slums! Thank you for riding SHINRA trains and we hope you have a nice time!
BARRET: Hehe…say that after we blow up Sector 5's reactor! Move it fat dude!
FAT DUDE: Fine. Now the train is invaded of goons. What next?
(Meanwhile, Tifa is bounding and gagging Cloud)
CLOUD: Mha mivs? Mha mi moo maw?
TIFA: Don't worry. I let you out until you pay me back that penny of mine at least.
CLOUD: Mere! Mak mit!
(Cloud flips her the dime)
TIFA: Thank you!
(Tifa walks over to Barret, leaving Cloud tied)
CLOUD:??????????
JESSIE: We're almost at the security checkpoint…why is Cloud tied like that?
BARRET: Cloud? Are you that pathetic enough to get tied?
CLOUD: Mi musn me! Mi mos mifa!
BARRET: Whatever. Leave him. It'll teach him not to mess with rope.
CLOUD: Son of a…
PA SPEAKER: WARNING! WARNING! INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! ON CABLE CAR #1! PREPARING LOCKDOWN IN 5 SECONDS!
BARRET: Come on! Let's go!
(Jessie, Tifa, and Barret leaves, leaving Cloud pretty much stranded)
BARRET: Oops! I knew I forgot something!
(Barret and Tifa rushes back to Cloud)
TIFA: Why do we need him?
BARRET: He's the main character in the game. If he dies the game (and story) goes BYE-BYE!
TIFA: Hmph. Why does the main character have to be someone that owes me a large debt?
PA SPEAKER: LOCKDOWN COMPLETE!
BARRET: Dammit!
(Meanwhile…)
CONDUCTOR: What the hell….?
(Back to the heroes…)
TIFA: Why is the train heading to that dead end?
BARRET: What dead…oh dammit. We're going to die before we get to Sephiroth.
CLOUD: Maw mid moo mow mamout mithoff?
TIFA: Barret! Keep secrets to yourself!
BARRET: Sorry…
(Just then, the train crashes, throwing Barret, Tifa, and Cloud into Sector 5's reactor)
CLOUD: Ow…hey! I can talk and move again!
BARRET: Whatever. Let's go and blow the reactor to smithereens!
(Tifa silently slips away)
JESSIE: Sorry! It's all my fault!
CLOUD: Huh? You didn't die?
JESSIE: No. Anyways, it's all my fault! I was the one that ruined it with your ID card Cloud! You see, I grabbed the wrong picture and pasted it onto your card!
CLOUD: (Whispers) Would it happen to be some sort of porn pictures?
JESSIE: (Whispers) Um…yes. How did you know?
CLOUD: (Whispers) The drunk guy at the bar dropped them.
BARRET: What the hell are you people whispering over there? We ain't got enough time for crap like that! Jessie, go back to headquarters and file some distraction so we can get into the reactor.
CLOUD: Don't we have a distaction already (Cloud looks at the destroyed train)?
BARRET: Let's go Cloud.
CLOUD: Whatever…hey! Where did Tifa go?
TIFA: I set up the bomb. Now let's get out of here!
(Then Cloud suddenly has one of those migraines. Flashback…)
PAST TIFA: Daddy! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Damn you Sephiroth!.
(Tifa grabs the sword and runs to the core of the reactor)
BARRET: Cloud! It's not time to get constipated! The reactor's going to blow!
(Tifa responds by smacking Cloud)
CLOUD: Ouch…
TIFA: There.
(The trio of heroes hey, a rhyme! move on to the end of the reactor)
TIFA: Jessie told me we all had to hit these buttons at the same time to open the door.
(Cloud shrugs and slashes the door opens)
CLOUD: You gotta love big swords.
TIFA: Show off.
(They all run toward the entrance of the reactor, where many guards swarmed the doors and got stuck there)
GUARD #1: Was that part of the plan?
GUARD #2: I don't think so.
BARRET: What? A trap?
GUARD #1: Actually, more like a barrier.
(Then a chubby fellow waltzes in)
CHUBBY DUDE: Well, well. If it isn't AVALANCHE?
BARRET: Damn! It's the president of SHIRNA!
TIFA: Man, all that hard work I did. All for nothing.
BARRET: How the hell did you get over here so quick?
CLOUD: … Wait…
(Flashback)
PAST BARRET: Hehe…say that after we blow up Sector 5's reactor! Move it fat dude!
PAST FAT DUDE: Fine. Now the train is invaded of goons. What next?
CLOUD: Remember me?
PRESIDENT: Well, you're from SOLDIER, aren't you? You've got that goggle like Mako eyes, and you're wearing that utterly distasteful uniform. Oh yeah, note to self, fire that designer guy and then send him to the pits. Well, it's a shame that you left SOLDIER. If you were another Sephrioth, maybe I would have remembered you.
BARRET: Confident, ain't you? You ain't gonna be joyful and happy cause' this reactor's gonna go BOOM in a couple of minutes!
PRESIDENT: Temper, temper. And such rude manners too…
(Tifa responds by smacking the President)
PRESIDENT: Ow…hey! You…you smacked me!
(The President begins to cry like a baby)
PRESIDENT: Sob…that's it! Proto-type 18A43H go!!!!
SOME OTHER GUY: Um, sir?
PRESIDENT: What?
SOME OTHER GUY: Whisper, whisper…
(The president pushes the guy into the mako stuff below)
PRESIDENT: Hehe…make that Proto-type 18A43G.
(A really small robotic spider jumps between Cloud, Tifa, and Barret!)
EVERYONE EXCEPT THE PRESIDENT: Huh?
PRESIDENT: Have fun!
CLOUD: Oh yeah! We're going to have fun alright!
BARRET: I don't believe we're fighting this thing.
TIFA: I think we'll leave Cloud to do it.
(After the President flies away in his helicopter, Cloud proceeds to step on the spider)
SPIDER: 3…2…1…0…
CLOUD: You know, that doesn't sound right.
(The spider explodes, dropping Cloud 5000 feet below into the slums)
TIFA: CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUD!!!!!
BARRET: Oh dammit.
TIFA: Now he can't repay his debts back to me! Great, I've lost $12, 574.68.
BARRET: (Whistles)
GUARD #1: Well, if you guys have no hard feelings, would you mind pulling us out?
TIFA: Grrr…
BARRET: Whoa, Tifa's in a bad mood. Better not aggravate her…
(Tifa responds by pummeling all the guards stuck in the doorway)
BARRET: Man, that's why I call easy XP and GP!